Archive of Our Own

It all happened so quickly.

One second they were dancing in the kitchen as they cooked dinner and then the next second Daniel was on the floor barely breathing while Lando called the ambulance with tears in his eyes.

That was where they currently were. On their way to the hospital.

Daniel needed medical help as soon as possible and Lando just clutched his hand, hoping everything would be alright.

The younger man hadn’t stopped crying.

He tried to get Daniel to talk, but the other man was zoning in and out, barely there with them. There was nothing the ambulance staff could do and Lando hated it, hated every one of them, hated the whole world for trying to take away the love of his life.

“Daniel please, please don’t leave me. You can’t leave me,” Lando begged.

“Lando,” Daniel gasped out and Lando was near his face in seconds, brushing away the sweaty curls that fell on the Aussie’s forehead.

“I am here, my love. I am here and I am not going anywhere and I need you to promise me you are not either,” the Briton started blabbing.

“You are so beautiful, like an angel,” Dan breathed out after he focused his half closed eyes on Lando’s face, smiling tiredly.

“Yeah and this angel wants you to stay here with him,” the smaller man let out firmly, making Daniel chuckle softly before he had to close his eyes. Lando held his hand as he dropped soft kisses on the man’s forehead.

“Why can’t you help him?” Lando turned frantically to the paramedics.

“We don’t really know what is wrong with him, we need to run some tests to determine how to help him,” they answered.

“This can’t be happening,” Lando whimpered under his breath, focusing back on Daniel whose breathing swallowed.

“I love- I love you, my sunshine,” the Aussie whispered, his eyes still closed and Lando could see his heart rate dropping slowly on the monitor.

“No, no, no Daniel don’t do this to me,” the Briton whispered. He was about to continue begging when he felt the ambulance come to a halt.

“Have we arrived at the hospital?” Lando asked hopefully, but that hope quickly left his body after the two paramedics exchanged a pained look.

“I am sorry, there is a train passing right now and there is nothing I can do,” the ambulance driver said through the window that connected him to the rest of the vehicle.

“What?” Lando stood up abruptly, not caring about anything as he opened the back of the vehicle open and jumped out to watch a long train passing them.

It was never-ending.

He wished Daniel and him were never-ending.

“No, no, no. FUCK. No, this can’t be happening,” he screamed into the night, sobbing loudly as his whole body shook. “No, fuck, no please no,” his screams turned into soft whispers as he was climbing into the ambulance again.

“Lando,” Daniel let out, it was barely audible over his oxygen mask.

“I am here. I am here, my love,” Lando said and sobbed as Daniel looked up at him, his eyes half lidded and barely focusing but the Aussie was trying his hardest.

“Please Daniel, you can’t leave me. Not now when you just started planning our family. Daniel please,” Lando begged and Daniel just kept smiling a little, staring at nothing.

“WHY ARE WE STILL NOT MOVING?” Lando yelled at the staff and they just watched him painfully.

“The train is still going,” one of them said and Lando could hear it rattling outside.

“Fuck,” the Briton muttered under his breath as he felt Daniel’s hold on his hand soften a little, the older man just staring at the ceiling as he was smiling to himself.

“You are my sunshine- my only sunshine,” Lando started singing, his whole attention was on Daniel’s hand that held his.

“You make me happy- when skies are grey,” Lando sang hoarsely, his voice cracking because of his heavy sobs.

“You'll never know dear- how much I love you-” it really shouldn’t be Lando who was singing this song.

It was Daniel’s song.

It was the song Daniel hummed softly into Lando’s ear every day.

“Please don't take my sunshine away,” his sobbing got harder again as Daniel’s hold of his hand disappeared little by little.

“DON’T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY,” he cried out loud as Daniel’s hand slipped out of his.

All Lando could hear after he finished singing the song was the beeping monitors around him and the paramedics trying to bring back Daniel to him.

Lando felt his world breaking

He just lost his sunshine.

Daniel didn’t know what had happened when he suddenly found himself in the middle of the apartment.

The Aussie clutched his head as he felt a migraine coming, wincing at the pain.

“What happened?” he asked himself, walking over to the kitchen for a glass of water to try to help ease the pain.

But he yelped as he was reaching over for a glass, noticing that his hand was see-through.

“What the fuck?” he muttered as he looked down, realizing that his whole body was see-through.

His head started spinning and he collapsed on the floor as all of his memories came back, from all the childhood memories all through to Lando singing to him just before his whole world became black.

Daniel realized he was dead.

But why was he back when he was dead.

He walked around the apartment, looking around in confusion. The whole place was one big mess and it looked like no one had done any cleaning in a while. The apartment was more or less one big room and the Aussie looked over to the bed where he could see someone sleeping.

“Lando,” Dan whispered as he started making his way over to his boyfriend.

He was walking over as his stare caught the sight of the dresser, there was something different about it.

When he walked closer to it he realized that there was a black urn standing on top of it. Daniel sighed and ran his fingers on top of it.

There was also a picture of Daniel in a photo frame right next to it. The glass of the frame was smudged, dried tears made it evident that someone had been crying while holding it.

Daniel’s heart ached.

It ached even more when he walked over to the bed and his eyes finally fell on Lando.

“Oh no,” Daniel gasped, his voice shaking.

If he could cry then he would.

Lando looked horrible.

Daniel remembered loving waking up before the younger man because the sight of sleeping Lando was always angelic.

Not anymore.

Even though the man was sleeping he was tossing around restlessly. His eyes looked puffy and Daniel had never seen worse looking under eye circles in his life.

Lando also looked skinnier, so much skinnier.

He was wearing one of Daniel’s hoodies, which were always a bit too big on him, but the man was just getting lost in the fabric, barely there.

Daniel shakily ran his fingers over Lando’s forehead before cupping his cheek into his palm as he watched him.

“Daniel?” Lando suddenly gasped, opening his eyes quickly and Daniel’s breath hitched as he felt like the younger man was looking right into his eyes.

He can feel me? Daniel thought.

Daniel quickly retracted his hand and watched the younger man’s bottom lip wobble as he really didn’t want to make it harder for him.

“Dan,” Lando cried hoarsely, pushing his head into the pillow as he sobbed softly, probably thinking his mind was playing tricks on him.

Daniel’s heart broke again.

This wasn’t what he had meant to do.

Daniel watched Lando struggle, feeling helpless as ever.

There was not much he could do so he just had to believe in the younger man, believe that he would be able to accept the loss and move on.

Lando needed to move on.

But at first he needed time to heal.

So Daniel just watched him.

Most of the days were bad. There were a lot of days where Lando refused to leave the bed, but there were also some good ones and that gave both men hope.

At first when Daniel just couldn’t bear watching Lando cry his heart out he tried to comfort the younger man. He ran his fingers through his hair or just hugged him.

In the end he ended up causing the younger one more pain as it looked like Lando could actually feel Daniel’s presence there, making him yearn for the older man more.

So Daniel stopped, he stopped trying to comfort the younger man even though it made his skin itch to just stand there.

Michael could though.

Daniel’s best friend was there every day to make sure Lando ate and drank enough water. He made sure he took care of his hygiene and most importantly he was always there to let Lando cuddle up and cry.

Michael spent all of his free time over at Lando’s, sometimes even spending the night when Lando had an extra bad day and Daniel was grateful for that.

He was grateful that Lando had someone to rely on.

And Michael did too.

Both of them had each other to help them ease the pain.

And it made watching Lando having a good day so much sweeter.

The day Lando decided to invite his friends over was a big step for the man.

Daniel was proud and happy to see Lando doing better.

Watching him interact with Max, Charles, George and Alex as the lads made him giggle made Daniel feel giddy inside.

Lando was finally healing, he was finally allowing other people to help him heal.

Daniel watched them from afar with a soft smile on his face.

It was going great until the doorbell rang.

Everything happened so quickly after that.

Daniel just remembered Lando laughing on his way to open the door and then breaking down in his friend’s arm the next moment.

“It’s the- it’s the adoption agency,” Lando let out and Daniel closed his eyes, not wanting to see what would . There is a baby boy waiting for us,” Daniel heard Lando whisper before his whole body shut down on him.

Daniel hated it.

He hated causing Lando so much pain.

All he ever wanted to do was make the younger man’s life better, yet all he did was cause pain.

He hated it.

He hated himself.

But he still had hope.

He still believed.

He believed Lando would get better and he would live his life for the both of them.

He had to.

Daniel laid next to Lando the whole night, hoping the younger man would feel his presence and finally have a good night sleep. He tried to hold him close as it looked like it helped the last time.

He spent the whole night watching him, drinking in his beauty.

God, Lando was so fucking beautiful.

He didn’t even realize that the morning came until Lando started stirring awake, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

He looked so cuddly and all Daniel wanted was to hug him close one last time.

The younger man also looked well rested compared to the other days and Daniel patted himself on his back for that.

The Aussie stayed in bed while Lando was getting ready, the Briton even taking a shower as he hummed softly under his breath. Daniel watched him in awe, it seemed as Lando woke up as a completely new person.

“Let’s clean up,” Lando declared out loud before he turned on the music as he stood in the middle of the apartment, looking around.

Daniel was shocked.

Michael tried to get him to clean up and sort through Daniel’s stuff for over a month, telling the younger man that he needed to let go and make room for new things in his life and Daniel agreed with his best friend.

As much as it felt weird to him that Lando was getting rid of his stuff he knew that it was essential.

So there he was, still sitting on his old bed in his old apartment watching his boyfriend clean up months and months of trash.

(Michael did try to keep the apartment clean but there was only so much he could do with Lando glued to him as he sobbed into his shoulder)

Dan smiled softly as he watched Lando sway his hips subconsciously to the rhythm of the song playing.

The Briton cleaned the whole apartment, not stopping for a second, before he finally got to sorting through Daniel’s belongings.

Dan watched him proudly as Lando sorted the clothes into the keep or the donate pile, not shedding a tear as he did it.

And that was what he did for the most part of the day, getting rid of most of the stuff that reminded him of Daniel.

It felt like a good day.

But Daniel should have known better at this point.

The Aussie was standing by the window and looking out at the view when he heard a gasp and something dropping.

He quickly turned around to see that Lando went to explore and sort of Daniel’s bedside table and was currently on his knees as he cradled the little black velvet box Daniel tried to hide away from him so hard.

“No,no,no,no,” Lando kept murmuring as his hands shook, nearly dropping the box.

Daniel didn’t know what to do.

The two planned their whole life together, so of course Daniel wanted to propose to him.

He slowly walked over to the boy, kneeling in front of his crying form and he cupped Lando’s hands into his palms.

Both of them held the little box as tears ran down their faces.

It was a promise. A promise of forever that had been taken away from them.

And because the universe loved to fuck with them so much Daniel could hear the song You Are My Sunshine starting to play through the speakers.

The Aussie cursed himself and the day he had decided to add that song to every playlist the two shared together.

“No, please, no-” Lando sobbed, his whole body shaking, as he slowly opened the velvet box to reveal a simple black ring with a golden sun engraved in it.

Daniel didn’t know what to do.

There wasn’t much he could do so he just watched the man in front of him fall apart slowly.

It seemed like they made one little step forward and immediately ran twenty miles backwards.

Daniel wished he could cuddle Lando close, brushing his hair away to give him a soft forehead kiss before promising to spend eternity with him.

Instead he watched Lando barely be able to breathe as he sobbed, his shaky fingers reaching for his phone as dialed Michael’s number.

“Michael- Please come- He- He wanted to- to propose,” Lando sobbed, not even knowing what he wanted Michael to do as his whole focus was on that one ring.

That one ring that tore Lando’s heart out yet still stopped him from spiralling.

One stupid ring whose promise didn’t even matter anymore.

A promise that just caused pain.

It caused pain yet Lando still chose to proudly wear it ever since.

He put it on the same night he found it after Michael helped him to calm down. He looked over at the picture of Daniel, telling him how much he loved him and promising the man that he would never ever stop loving him.

And Daniel believed him.

Of course he did.

Daniel watched it all happen.

He watched his boyfriend and his best friend deal with the loss together and then fall in love with each other in the process.

He was angry at first, fuming.

His love for Lando never faltered and here he was watching the love of his life fall for another man.

He looked down at himself and watched his body fade away little by little.

Each time Lando let himself fall more and more in love with Michael Daniel lost a shade of his color.

But as much as he wanted to be mad he realized that Lando never stopped loving him. He knew, he could feel, that he would forever be Lando’s biggest love.

Lando woke up everyday and kissing the ring was the first thing he would do. Everytime he walked past the dresser he stopped to say hi to Daniel’s picture as he ran his fingers softly over the glass.

Those little things warmed Daniel inside every time.

So he turned his anger into pride.

He was proud that Lando was accepting the fact that Daniel was not coming back and he was strong enough to continue living the life for the both of them.

Then Daniel saw their first kiss.

It was shy and slow, both men were being careful.

And Daniel knew that his time was nearing its end.

Lando hugged Michael tightly right after their kiss, the two murmuring sweet nothings into each other's ears.

The younger man looked over Michael’s shoulder and Daniel swore he was looking right into his eyes, as if saying goodbye.

The spirit watched as one single tear rolled down the younger man’s cheek, getting caught in the corner of Lando’s smiling lips.

For a second he wished he could kiss Lando goodbye, but he had accepted the fact that it was not his job to do so anymore.

His boy was able to heal and slowly move on and Daniel could finally rest free.

“I love you, my sunshine,” Daniel whispered as he faded away.