Chapter Text
Zuko never liked the cold.
Perhaps it was the traumatic memories he’d attached to the sensation of frigid air against his skin and being submerged in glacial waters. The few times he had been cold, Zuko had been a different person.
It felt like a lifetime ago, chasing Aang through the poles regardless of the damage caused. He was blinded by shame, tunnel visioned. All he saw was the prize at the end of an expansive tunnel, being showered with praise and gifts and acceptance, but that wasn’t how it had happened. Had someone pulled Zuko aside seven years prior and said, 'look here, son, you're going to find the man who murdered a watertribe girl's mother, break in and out of a fire nation prison, and teach the Avatar how to firebend.' he would have laughed in their face and called the guards to escort the loon out of the palace.
He wished someone had pulled him aside, took him by the shoulders, and gave him a good shake. Maybe he wouldn't have caused as much harm as he did. Maybe he never would have helped the Avatar. Fortunately, the past was in the past and Zuko planned on moving forward to atone for the parts he played in the harm of the nations.
Even so, he never liked the cold.
Perhaps it was the memories he’d attached to warmth. His mother’s smile, his uncle’s tea, his friends' hugs, the very fire that burned light into the night and heat into the hearth. The fire that he could bend so spectacularly and had even mastered since the fall of his tyrant father and twisted sister. It was only natural, one might assume, that the Fire Lord would dislike the cold.
However, after he’d accepted the title of Fire Lord and began his amendments with the other nations he signed an agreement stating that the powers would rotate where the Meeting of Nations would be held annually.
Unfortunately for him, this year was in the north. The rotation of the Meeting of Nations had started with the Fire Nation, then the Earth Kingdom, then the Southern Water Tribe. The cycle then restarted but instead of ending on the Southern Water Tribe, it ended on the Northern. The two tribes having agreed to trade off when they would travel and when they would host. Zuko never wanted to face the north.
It had been six years since Yue, the Princess of the Northern Water Tribe, had breathed life back into Tui to save the moon spirit and the world. Zuko was weighed with guilt at the part he played in the death of Princess Yue, his honour clouding his judgement, he'd taken their only line of defense hostage and in turn a sacrifice had to be made. It was one of the many things he regretted in his young life, and now it was time for him to face it. He just...he didn't know how.
He hadn’t been pardoned immediately. (At all, really, if one were to put the treatment of him by the other leaders under a microscope) He’d been judged and scorned and ridiculed by the other leaders but, luckily for Zuko, Hakoda had been on his side whenever the nations gathered. That didn’t mean he wasn’t in hot water half the time, no, it merely meant there was exactly one, (1) person there with enough sense to interject and stop the circle jerk of egos from bulldozing over one of the youngest council members at the table.
This year would be different in more than one way though, or so Zuko hoped. The meeting wasn’t only in the North, but it would include Aang and Sokka and that little tidbit of information eased some of the anxiety that had been plaguing Zuko during the weeks leading up to the gathering.
He needed a friend at the table and this year he’d have not one, but two. Though his anxiety about the meeting had mellowed it was replaced with anxiety of seeing his friends after so long. What was he supposed to say when he saw them? Should he bow? Should they bow? Would they even recognize him?
“Of course they’ll recognize me, half of my face is a dead giveaway,” Zuko muttered under his breath as he stared down at the waters. His chin rested upon a hand as he leaned over the side of his ship.
Though his distinguished scar hadn’t changed much over the passing years, the rest of his physical form had. His hair was longer, his jaw sharper, and he was more toned than his teens not that it showed beneath his ceremonial garb. “What does it even matter?” He groaned loud enough for the Kyoshi warrior escorting him to turn her head.
“Everything alright, my Lord?” Her tone was guarded and professional for which he didn’t blame her. She was a new recruit who’d traveled from the Northern Tribe to the Fire Nation with the goal of becoming a member of the Kyoshi warriors.
He’d applauded her tenacity as she’d practically harassed Suki until the girl couldn’t handle it anymore and gave her a chance. She more than proved herself to be a worthy addition to the group, but she was still hesitant around Zuko.
As much as it irked him, he was also glad she didn’t harbor the same familiarity with him that Suki and Ty Lee had. If either of them had come along, they’d be assaulting him with pseudo-psych evals and unasked for advice.
He would still have to face the consequences of their anger upon his eventual return to the fire nation for requesting Zaynab’s presence as his escort in place of their own. It wasn't out of malice that he'd left them out. Zuko wanted the two best warriors guarding Iroh as he stood in for Zuko and who better to take to the water tribe than someone who was native to the region?
“Yes,” Zuko answered resolutely.
He felt it inappropriate to pour his anxieties on the girl especially being some of which were anxieties of facing Arnook who had proven to be the most apprehensive of his presence in the past few years.
Zaynab wasn’t part of the royal family, but she had known Yue which, to not only Zuko but to the rest of the Kyoshi warriors, meant her loyalties could be questioned. He had to trust her though, and by trusting her with his life and praising her for being the perfect candidate to help him navigate the frozen capital of the north, maybe she would trust him too.
“Uh-huh,” Zaynab’s gaze was inscrutable just as inscrutable as Zuko’s and the pair had a silent staring contest until she wavered under what Zuko assumed was obligation and not because she couldn’t break him.
“Do you miss home?” He asked out of the blue for which Zaynab merely shrugged,
“My home is with the Kyoshi warriors now, wherever they go, I go.” Her answer was calculated, political, but most importantly it was polite.
“A tactical statement,” he mused,
“A truthful one,” she added and Zuko let the subject rest deciding to go back to twiddling his thumbs and worrying about seeing his friends.
The journey to the Agna Qel'a was uneventful with Zuko making little progress in his relationship with Zaynab. He was as thankful for the quiet as he was resentful of it.
It was nice not having to deal with an assassination attempt when there was most likely to be one, but it was dreadful being left to his own thoughts. He hadn’t had this much time to think since, well, since the last Meeting of Nations.
Though Suki had helped keep him out of his head for the most part the year prior, he’d still had moments to dwell on how he would properly greet each of the nation's rulers, their representatives, and their guards.
He’d once been asked why he greeted the guards of esteemed rulers to which the council members were taken aback when Zuko explained that they’re just as much a part of the meeting as the rulers themselves.
Without their guards, the rulers were vulnerable. It didn’t matter how tactical or skilled in combat any of them were, the group of them under one roof together made for a very large and very easy target.
This time Zuko wasn’t concerned with greeting the council members or their guards. He wasn’t worried about remembering the correct names and who was related to whom. He wasn’t even worried about walking into the room and interrupting the polite chatter of old friends only for it to be replaced with disdainful looks and the chirping of cricket-beetles.
No, he was worried of how Sokka would perceive him. Well, Sokka and Aang, but mostly Sokka. Not because Sokka was in any way special, oh no no, it was merely because Aang had a habit of riding in on Appa or gliding in on his glider whenever he felt it necessary. Most of which was whenever Zuko was having a particularly rough go of things, how Aang knew, Zuko couldn’t fathom.
That pattern in place, Zuko had seen Aang roughly six months prior but he hadn’t seen Sokka.
Sokka was busy in the Southern Water tribe with Hakoda and Bato most days and if he wasn’t in the south pole, he was in the Earth Kingdom.
It had been thirty-seven months and twelve days since he'd last seen Sokka. Not that he was counting, no, that wasn't it at all. It wasn't like Sokka had left in the middle of the night without saying goodbye or leaving a note or anything. The sudden disappearance of the ambassador hadn't plagued his thoughts the entire thirty-seven months and twelve days as he'd never actually learned why Sokka left.
He did remember hearing Sokka and Suki arguing just before Sokka’s departure from the palace and he did remember hearing Suki and Ty Lee discuss their break up, but he tried not to think on it.
The more he did think about it, and he had plenty of time to do so, he settled on Sokka being distant as having to do with Suki.
Perhaps the breakup was worse than the Kyoshi warrior let on. She seemed to wave it off as something of unimportance, but with Sokka having not returned to the Fire Nation in nearly three years and the Fire Nation being the new home of Suki and her warriors it only made sense.
It didn’t make sense though.
If Sokka was only upset with Suki, then there was no reason for him to ignore Zuko’s messenger hawks, no reason for him to send someone else to represent the Southern Tribe whenever requested, no reason for him to shut Zuko out.
No, no, it did make sense. It made perfect sense. Suki worked closely with Zuko and if Sokka visited there was no possible way for him to avoid seeing her. Yeah, no, it made perfect sense. At least, that’s what Zuko had convinced himself.
“We’re arriving, Lord Zuko,” Zaynab reminded him as their ship approached the borders of the norther tundra.
The vast white walls of Agna Qel'a were made of ice and snow that glittered like diamonds in the sunlight. The entire landscape glittered similarly nearly blinding anyone who dared gaze upon it, including Zuko.
He flinched, squinting his eyes, just able to catch sight of the waterbenders opening the gates to allow his ship to pass. As soon as his vessel was through, up went the barrier of ice.
Citizens lined the bridges above him to greet the leaders as they arrived. Unsurprisingly, their faces fell at the sight of the Fire Nation emblem and suddenly the cold didn’t feel so cold.
Zuko’s body warmed with embarrassment and anxiety, he wanted to dive into the arctic waters and let them have him.
Anything, even drowning, would be better than facing the disappointed faces of, well, everyone. Instead of fleeing to the waters, he held his head high and stared onward, past the citizens, towards the palace.
Nestled in the center of the city, glowing vibrantly like a beacon, the palace stood tall and imposing. It didn’t glitter the same way the walls did instead light reflected off of it and onto everything around it illuminating the land.
It was impressive, especially being built of ice and snow, imposing, but impressive. In all it's crystalline glory, it felt fake. Everything was white and ice and cold, Zuko didn't like the cold.
His ship pulled into port next to a boat with the Southern Water Tribe colour scheme, this sight settled Zuko somewhat, reassuring him that Sokka was already there. At least Sokka would be happy to see him, even if the room filled with the sound of cricket-beetles at the sight of him (which only ever actually happened in his head) he would be able to block it out and focus on his friend.
Zuko was led up the vast stairs by two tribesmen dressed in armor of silver that gleamed like the moon. Zaynab and two other Kyoshi warriors, Miura and Akemi, trailed behind him cautiously, acutely aware of the wary and disdainful looks the Fire Lord was on the receiving end of.
Zuko did his best to ignore them, eyes straight ahead, one foot in front of the other, don’t look- don’t look. He looked. His eyes flickered over a guard as he and his company passed by.
Zuko was met with a hard disapproving stare causing him to immediately shift his gaze and swallow a lump in his throat. If it wasn’t unprofessional of him to turn around and run away screaming, he might have done just that.
“The council members are just through those doors,” one of the escorting guards spoke.
Zaynab took up the front, heading directly for the large double doors and pushed them open. There was a second of chatter before the room’s occupants fell into methodical silence...just like last year, and the year prior, and the year prior to that.
Zuko let out a breath following Zaynab inside. All heads were turned, all eyes trained on the Lord of the Fire Nation, but Zuko let his gaze quickly flick over everyone in search of- Sokka.
He, like everyone else, had his gaze trained on Zuko who returned it with a small smile. Sokka didn’t smile back. He didn’t wave. He didn’t show any emotion in regards to Zuko’s arrival, his face was vacant.
Maybe, maybe it was for appearances sake. This was the introductory meeting before the night's feast, surely Sokka was just tired, just-just, yeah, tired.
Zuko tore his eyes from Sokka to greet the first dignitary, mentally chastising himself for worrying about something so small in a room filled with the rulers of the world.
Zuko made small talk as he made his rounds, or tried to, but the council members had a list of all too complicated questions to ask him. The whispers of the New Ozai society, the attacks on the Fire Nation merchants walking the trade routes to the Earth Kingdom, his plan to improve commerce in the Fire Nation with the ongoing drought, his break up with Mai.
None of these questions had small talk branded answers and some of them were too personal. Had he less self control, he would had decked the one brave enough to ask about Mai, but Zukko had grown in the last six years. His patience? Incredible.
Even so, he answered curtly with the emphasis that all would be discussed come the meetings. All that was relevant, at least.
The Meeting of Nations was an event held over the course of ten days. The first, fifth, and tenth day were reserved for relaxation, contemplation, and a celebratory feast in the evening. Zuko hated that. He’d much rather have gotten everything said and done in seven days, but maybe ten would bode better for him this year. More time with Sokka and Aang-
“Where is Avatar Aang?” Zuko asked, realizing the eighteen year old was nowhere to be found.
“Unfortunately, Avatar Aang was unable to attend this year. He sent a message, something about his bison being fatally ill. We agreed to send him copies of the reports,” a representative from the Earth Kingdom answered.
Zuko thanked him, sighing inwardly. Of course, he could never have it easy, could he? Hopefully Appa was okay,
Finally, Zuko approached Sokka having saved him for last, with his back turned the tribesmen almost looked like Hakoda. He’d grown and was now taller than Zuko much to the Fire Lord’s dismay. His shoulders were broader, more muscled, even with his heavy tribal clothes Zuko could tell. He felt small compared to Sokka. A feeling he wasn't fond of in the slightest.
“Sokka,” Zuko spoke, garnering the tribesmen's attention.
“Fire Lord Zuko,” Sokka said, lowering his gaze to avoid Zuko’s eyes, “you look well,” Zuko felt so small.
Sokka spoke mechanically, rehearsed, like the conversation was strained and the six words were something he might choke on.
It dawned on him.
Zuko was alone, not even Hakoda was here to defend him from the carnivorous harpies, it was just him. His hands shook, his lips trembled, but he did his best to show face. His smile disappeared, his warmth died like the last coals on a hearth, and Zuko felt cold.
He hated the cold.