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Their married life is about as eventful as every other old geezer couple out there.
They argue about honest to god, everything, and Gintoki guesses it has something to do with the fact that they've been together for about 10 years now. Give or take. Hijikata gets angry at the smallest things, such as Gintoki not putting his laundry in the basket in favour of throwing his garments all over the ground. Though he's no saint either, every time he spots a whole shelf in their fridge or shelves filled to the brim with mayonnaise—honestly the food of the Devil—he throws a tiny tantrum. They forget by the next hour, because there will be a whole new argument, such as Gintoki forgetting to do the dishes or Hijikata not buying any chocolate on his way home. 10 years ago at the beginning of their relationship he would never have been able to sniff out the incredibly domestic life they'd be capable of building together.
No one really expected it. Not even each other.
"Your pushing the years, you need to stop smoking." He mutters out, rolling onto his stomach and squinting at the ToLoveRu magazine in his hands. I need glasses, he thinks then waves away the thought because if he really does get reading glasses then he'll actually become old and wrinkly, there's an order to these events. Get shacked, get domestic, then get glasses, and to hell does he plan on getting old and wrinkly with this sour-puss currently living with him. Hijikata doesn't pause, or seem slightly bothered by the nagging, instead choosing to continue dragging a rag over the coffee table with deliberately rushed strokes. "Heeeeeey, Toshi-kuuuuun don't ignore me~"
"Shut up."
"Stop smoking," he intones monotonously, flipping onto his back this time as he squints at the roof.
"I'll stop smoking if we move to a better place. This place stinks."
"Eh, that's rude." Gintoki huffs giving his red sofa a large pat. "Kagura-chan is stupid, you know? Mommy has to wait patiently for her kiddies to come home."
"Don't call yourself mommy, that's disgusting."
Gintoki squints at him, processing his brain for a good comeback but decides against it. It's too early, and he's only up this early because Hijikata throws a fit if he sleeps in past 8, so over the years he's just adopted the style of waking up at 8 and then going back to sleep at 9 till 2 PM when Hijikata leaves for work. Usually waking up in time for when Hijikata comes home, with dinner possibly prepared. He stares at his manga, shooting a quick look at Hijikata who's taken to throwing an apron on as he finishes up the dishes before slapping down some breakfast onto the table.
"Come eat," Hijikata finally mutters, heading for the fridge for his mayonnaise addiction.
He lets his legs hang uselessly over the couch, staggering over to the table and flopping down with a short grunt. "Thanks for the food," he grumbles, hands clapping together quickly before he takes to finishing his breakfast so Hijikata can leave and he can finally get back to sleep.
"Don't go back to bed when I leave today," Hijikata finally says—he says this every day, and Gintoki has yet to listen—he just bobs his silver head, glancing up at Hijikata, enjoying the dark glowering the male has every morning. At first it set him on edge, was Hijikata pissed off at him? Were they about to fight? But then again, he guesses those thoughts come with the novelty of a relationship. Now, he just pegs it up to Hijikata's never ending brooding. That stick that always seems to be wedged up Hijikata's ass, even though he's the one always getting it up the ass.
"I ran into Otae yesterday." He mostly does the whole neighbourhood gossip at dinner time (to annoy Hijikata) and as expected the dark haired male shoots him a cautious look at the brief mention of their neighbours and gossip. He shoots Gintoki a weary look, and Gintoki smiles as good-naturedly as possible, which is an obvious ploy, "She said Kagura-chan sent her a postcard, how come mommy didn't get a postcard? Mom wants a postcard too."
"Don't be disgusting." Hijikata grunts in reply, blowing on his food, his eyebrows pulled forward as though in deep thought. "She didn't send us one? Did you check the mail yesterday?"
"Aw," Gintoki coos, "Is daddy upset his little girl is ignoring him?"
"Shut up," he hisses a bit more venomously this time, before reaching for his packet of cigarettes—Gintoki has the tendency to throw them out if he leaves them behind at home—and shoving them into his uniform pocket. "We'll call her later."
"Right, right."
"Go check the mail, I'll be home later." This is the part of their routine that Gintoki never understood how it came into play. But it did, and sometimes it's annoying because he doesn't brush his teeth in the morning and Hijikata's breath reeks of coffee, but he always finds himself seeing the dumb tax-sucking bastard to the door, and Hijikata will always—without fail—kiss him once, twice and then a third time before leaving for the day.
Gintoki yawns, arms stretching uselessly over his head, letting them falling to his side like heavy weights before he staggers right back to his and Hijikata's bed.
Their wedding was extremely eventful.
They assumed that lots of bad things would happen with the gathering of a bunch of weirdos—because neither of them know anybody normal—and there was enough guests to fill in the whole Yagyuu estate. Everybody that's met them coming to give their congratulations and weirded looks, because who would've thought? Sakata (he refuses to call himself Hijikata Gintoki) Gintoki and Hijikata Toushiro getting married; two wild violent adults stuck in the mind-set of teenagers.
Kagura set something on fire with the help of Otae, Shinpachi screamed, and Sa-chan cried the entire time. He briefly remembers Katsura blowing something up in attempt to escape Sougo, and how Kondo was kneeling the entire time ranting about how happy he was for them and how his and Otae's wedding will be following soon—it never will be—but in all and all, the whole event was happy. It was fun, and Gintoki couldn't even find it in himself to be angry when everybody kept making jabs at how he should be in a dress. After their marriage, life was about the same before, considering they begun living together within a year of dating and they got married two years after that. There wasn't a huge change in his life aside from the fact he could now access Hijikata's bank-account without being cursed out over it (or arrested).
At first Hijikata had been lament on them adopting a child; he'd come home everyday with flyers from adoption agencies, and Gintoki never out right refused but he never made any sort of agreement, either. Eventually Hijikata just gave up, somehow tilting his over-bearing tendencies onto Shinpachi and Kagura (enough for the Yato girl to scream and decide to go travel the universe for a year or so). He chuckles to himself softly at the memory, shoving a finger up his nose as he strolls through the streets, bored.
"Gin-san?" Shinpachi's voice sounds confused, carrying two bags of groceries and waving at him. "You're already up? I was going to head over because Hijikata-san—"
"I know, I know the bastard sent you to make sure I wasn't sleeping in." He grunts, rolling his finger in his nose slowly and looking around the area to see if he can spot anything mildly entertaining. He has no time for cheery boys. "He's getting all pissy because Kagura-chan didn't send him a post-card."
"She did though, she sent separate ones for each of you." Shinpachi says, pulling out two glossy cards with a picture of Kagura looking pissed off with her finger shoved up her right nostril, obviously annoyed that she even has to send post-cards to the (this is her words, not his) 'dumb married couple'. Gintoki almost feels a swell of pride, considering how she adopted that habit from him, and how Hijikata's lectured her on it a million times and she still doesn't seem to care. "Ah... even after all these years Kagura-chan still isn't a grown-up."
"All she's managed to do is get taller and get a third over-bearing papa. She still has the mental capacity of a three year old."
"Hijikata-san is pretty over-bearing, isn't he?" Shinpachi thoughtlessly agrees on. "Just last year he kept stalking me because there was a rumour I had a girlfriend—" that was because Gintoki had asked him too, but he just shoves his finger higher up into his nostril silently, "—And with Kagura-chan he nags non-stop."
"It's his love," Gintoki drawls monotonously. "Let's stop talking about the mayora-brained idiot."
Shinpachi looks slightly amused, "Gin-san you married him."
"A mistake. A lapse in judgement."
"Ah, Boss!" Over the years he's managed to get closer to Gorilla and Sadistic idiot, mostly because both love inviting themselves over and Hijikata is too much of a softy to actually kick them out properly. Then again, the entire Shinsengumi has taken to obeying Gintoki as though he's just as harsh as Hijikata is, which he guesses is a slight blessing because he was once able to force the Shinsengumi to go look for this kids ball (it was a job) and all he had to do was sit at home, waiting until Hijikata angrily came back.
"Don't you have work you should be doing?" Which is trick question, because Sougo always has work he's not doing.
"Hijikata-san is being weird today so I decided to escape. Maybe you should go visit him, Boss."
"I'll pass, I see enough of his ugly mug every day."
"Trouble in paradise?" Sougo jeers, his eyes lighting up at the prospect of being able to break them apart. But that's just the thing, despite how often they argue there isn't anything that's huge. They get along as well as they've always been capable of, their sex isn't dry just yet—he has some S&M stuff stored away for when that time comes—but all in all, it's a normal marriage. Something he never expected himself to be subject too, him as the wife even less.
"That's right, adults have their problems."
"Eh? Did you and Hijikata-san get into a fight again, Gin-san? Just apologize to him."
He glances at them, amused and slightly irritated by their assumption that he started the fight. Hijikata is generally always the one to raise his voice first.
"Yeah, Hijikata-san." Sougo drawls, as though just now remembering that Gintoki is technically part of the 'Hijikata' family as well.
"Stuff it, you sicko sadist. We aren't fighting he just wants to see this," He grunts, pulling out the post-card he just mindlessly pushed into his sleeve after Shinpachi gave it, waving around the glossy post-card of Kagura shoving a finger up her nose the words 'I hope you drop dead, mayora-idiot' written in black marker on the top of the picture. Sougo, as expected just squints at the picture. "Just tell him I'll come over later with Kagura's post-card."
"Ah, boss!" Another voice squawks, and Gintoki realizes it to be Yamazaki's voice, plain and cherry-boy-ish as it always is. Except the figure behind him makes Gintoki groan.
Hijikata looks at him, unimpressed. "Oi, stop it."
"I don't want to see you," he whines, ready to turn around and briskly walk away. He'd rather have Hijikata bitch at him later tonight than now, in public. Most of all, at home he can always drag the bastard to bed and have him fuck him and that'd generally diffuse the situation, but here what if he has to kiss the gross mayora in public? He'd rather not.
"Hijikata-san, boss has a post-card for you." Sougo interrupts, and Gintoki takes the chance to chuck the piece of offending paper at his spouse.
"Did she send you one?" Hijikata asks quickly, looking at the paper with a look of indifference—though Gintoki knows better than that—his tone taking on the 'I'm at home' sort of tone that he generally only uses when he's at well, at home. It's a soft tone, one that he uses when he's pleased with the turn of events. He sighs, pulling out his own post-card and waving it for Hijikata to see. "I keep telling her to stop picking her nose, this is your fault—"
"Yes, yes." Gintoki drawls.
Hijikata frowns, the sides of his mouth wrinkling, before he reaches for his cigarettes. "I'm going to be home late so go get some take out, do you have money on you?"
"No. Give Gin-san your credit card." He whines cheekily, hands reaching out for said offending object, Hijikata frowns suspiciously, pulling out his wallet and chucking over said card.
"If you gamble with my money again, I'm going to make you drink 12 bottles of mayonnaise in one go—"
"Hijikata-san how could you say that to your wife? Weren't your vows 'What's mine is yours'."
"Okita-san that's wrong," Shinpachi corrects, his tone proper, "It was 'What's mine is mine bastard so stop stealing my money you soul-sucking bastard'."
"He has yet to listen." Hijikata grumbles.
"How about you get back to work and make me more money then," Gintoki finally says, stepping forward and patting Hijikata's chest—everyone looks briefly confused—until he finds where Hijikata's wallet is hiding, pulling said offending object out of his uniform, Hijikata looking increasingly more murderous. Silently he opens it up, pulling out a few bills before slipping it back into Hijikata's pocket. "The casino doesn't take credit cards." As though that explains everything. "Go away now, you no longer have any use to me."
Hijikata looks ready to bitch about it, but sighs, relinquishing his anger in favour of just glaring at Gintoki. "Get me pork ramen." Before walking away, Sougo and Yamazaki following with confused looks on their faces.
"Eh? Why didn't he get angry?" Shinpachi asks, extremely confused.
"He purposely leaves cash in his wallet for me to take for gambling," Gintoki says, waving the bills around before turning to the direction of the casino. Shinpachi frowns, eyebrows furrowed. "We're a stupid married couple, don't you know?"
He offers a single wink, and Shinpachi smiles softly as though finally understanding.