Chapter Text
Timothy Stoker created a chat: i know im supposed to be working but im bored whats up
Timothy Stoker added three numbers
Timothy Stoker: heeeeeey boooois
Martin Blackwood: Oh no
Sasha James: oh god
Jonathan Sims: No thank you
Timothy Stoker: ok first of all rude
Sasha James: second of all?
Timothy Stoker: uhhh
Jonathan Sims: This kind of deep thought might take him a while, I'm going back to work
Timothy Stoker: no waitwaitwait jon ily don't leave me just for work
Jonathan Sims: I'm literally at my job
Jonathan Sims: And so are you.
Timothy Stoker: SECOND OF ALL this is a fun bonding group chat yay!! everyone give hearty approval!!
Sasha James: wow tim what a great idea! i approve in a hearty manner!
Jonathan Sims: No.
Timothy Stoker: sasha 10/10 thx queen
Timothy Stoker: jon try to put a little enthusiasm into it next time
Timothy Stoker: a little more 'oomph'
Jonathan Sims: Sometimes i don't understand a word you say, you know that?
Sasha James: martin's been suspiciously quiet
Martin Blackwood: Sorry!! just, yknow, actually trying to get some work done haha
Timothy Stoker: aksksksk the passive aggressiveness??
Martin Blackwood: I didn't mean to be passive aggressive, sorry :/
Timothy Stoker: there's no way you're not doing this on purpose
Martin Blackwood: Uh huh but can we talk about the fact that your keysmash was just sksksk
Martin Blackwood: Not to judge anyone but?? yikes
Sasha James: note to self martin is absolutely savage over text
Sasha James: anyway regarding tim's suspicious keysmashing habits, you get used to it
Jonathan Sims: It's been years and I have NOT gotten used to it
Timothy Stoker: you know you love me
Jonathan Sims is typing...
Timothy Stoker: jon??
Timothy Stoker: jon you love me right???
Jonathan Sims is typing...
Jonathan Sims: Hm.
Jonathan Sims: Back to work everyone. We can't afford to take any time off from organizing this mess
Timothy Stoker: yeah he loves me
Martin Blackwood: Who has that frog statement
Timothy Stoker: that WHAT statement
Sasha James: i still do it's in the stack on my desk
Martin Blackwood: I'd like to cross reference it with the one i'm researching rn, can you bring it to me :)
Sasha James: literally just walk over and get it
Sasha James: you didn't even have to text you're in the same room as all of us
Martin Blackwood: Sorry, i'm listening to music and don't want to pause it
Martin Blackwood: And jon’s in his office so i’m actually not in the same room as all of you :)
Sasha James is typing…
Martin Blackwood: Sasha?
Sasha James: fine here you go
Jonathan Sims: What is going on out there?!
Timothy Stoker: can we go back to there apparently being a statement about a frog? someone tell me about this frog pls
Jonathan Sims: No first someone's telling ME about why i heard something crash
Timothy Stoker: sasha just swept a pile of statements onto the floor and a mug of coffee went with them but that's not important bc frog?????
Jonathan Sims: Excuse me, there are statements on the floor? With coffee?
Jonathan Sims: I understand the desire to be unnecessarily dramatic but that is not worth spilling coffee on statements for
Sasha James: you seem calmer about this than i thought you would be
Jonathan Sims: Underestimating my anger right now would be a very bad idea
Martin Blackwood: A shiver just went down my spine
Sasha James: ..noted anyway there was hardly any coffee left the statements are fine
Sasha James: and to think all this could have been avoided if martin had just walked over to get it himself
Martin Blackwood: :///
Timothy Stoker: heyheyhey if i don't hear about the frog statement in two seconds i am going to murder someone
Sasha James: okay we get it you like frogs
Timothy Stoker: they're aro culture and i love them
Sasha James: but if you want to commit murder you're going to have to get in line behind jon, the vibes radiating from his office right now are very kill much death
Timothy Stoker: he angy
Timothy Stoker: you shouldn't have desecrated his precious statements sash
Sasha James: do you want to hear about the frog or not
Timothy Stoker: frogfrogfrogfrogfrog
Sasha James: basically someone was having dreams about a huge frog eating them
Sasha James: then when they were out camping they kept feeling like they were being watched
Sasha James: and noted "a suspicious lack of flies"
Timothy Stoker: akskkssk i got so hyped for nothing
Jonathan Sims: Ah yes. That one was a delight to record.
Sasha James: please tell me that was sarcasm
Jonathan Sims: Sasha, why in hell would I genuinely find it delightful to read aloud someone's delusions about a demonic frog
Martin Blackwood: Delusions? i honestly thought they just made it up to write for fun
Martin Blackwood: It read like something you would find in a cheap horror anthology
Sasha James: you're not wrong, a lot of statements are like that
Timothy Stoker: welcome to the archives of the magnus institute, aka a cheap horror anthology
Sasha James: wait but martin why did you need it?? how tf does it connect to another statement?
Martin Blackwood: There's this giant pig that ate people
Timothy Stoker: AKKSKSKSKSK
Jonathan Sims: Ah yes. Long pig short pig...
Martin Blackwood: Wide pig...narrow pig...
Timothy Stoker: i am viscerally terrified right now
Sasha James: martin and jon quoting statements (? that's what you were doing right? please tell me that's what you were doing?) at each other is scarily off-putting
Martin Blackwood: It's preferable to me being yelled at by him though
Timothy Stoker: ooof what a callout
Jonathan Sims: Yes I probably shouldn't do that so much should I
Jonathan Sims: However I WILL yell at tim, for procrastinating
Timothy Stoker: boss nooooo i told you i'll get the police record search done this afternoon
Jonathan Sims: You were supposed to get it done two weeks ago
Timothy Stoker: when brain says hyperfocus, gotta hyperfocus :/
Timothy Stoker: i HAVE gotten through a lot of statements just not the ones you wanted me to
Timothy Stoker: but i feel like i've found out a lot
Sasha James: yeah? do share
Timothy Stoker: well okay it's not like..a revelation or anything and honestly i only have more questions
Jonathan Sims: This does not sound like "finding out a lot"
Timothy Stoker: shhsshshh
Timothy Stoker: what i found was connections
Martin Blackwood: Between statements?
Timothy Stoker: yeah and no offense martin but better connections than "pig eats people, so does dream frog"
Martin Blackwood: Look there was only so much follow-up i could do on that one and i wanted to be thorough
Jonathan Sims: Stay on topic, what were the connections you found
Timothy Stoker: well first of all the circus
Timothy Stoker: i don't know HOW it's relevant but it comes up in more than one statement
Timothy Stoker: and it's not explicitly said to be the same circus every time but it has to be
Martin Blackwood: Oh there was a circus in the monster pig statement
Timothy Stoker: ??? pls give it to me once you're done with it
Martin Blackwood: Some clowns got eaten i think
Timothy Stoker: changed my mind i want to see this NOW aksksk
Jonathan Sims: You think all of the circus statements are connected, tim?
Timothy Stoker: yeah. i do
Jonathan Sims: Remind to talk to you about the calliope statement later
Jonathan Sims: But for now, keep telling us about the connections
Timothy Stoker: ..okay
Timothy Stoker: so
Timothy Stoker: robert smirke
Martin Blackwood: Wasn’t he that architect from the 19th century?
Sasha James: ah yes, your celebrity crush
Jonathan Sims: And here I thought I was your celebrity crush. I'm wounded, Tim.
Martin Blackwood: I??? i'm never going to get used to you being sarcastic
Jonathan Sims: Hence why this group chat was a bad idea. Employers need to maintain a professional relationship with their employees
Sasha James: you literally could have just not said anything to tim
Jonathan Sims is typing…
Jonathan Sims: Tim? Continue?
Sasha James: wow
Timothy Stoker: don’t worry jon i have room for two celebrity crushes in my heart
Timothy Stoker: yes he was an architect but he was also into the supernatural
Timothy Stoker: and i’ve read some of his works and at one point he refers to a classification system
Timothy Stoker: i can’t find anything else about it but it got me thinking about how certain statements seem to share themes
Timothy Stoker: like darkness
Timothy Stoker: or falling
Timothy Stoker: we all know some of the statements are real. maybe there really is an objective way to classify them that’s accurate to whatever supernatural fuckery is going on
Martin Blackwood: ...tbh i’m not sure how much of all this statement stuff i believe
Sasha James: yeah tim i’m pretty sure you and i are the only believers
Timothy Stoker: ahaha i worked with jon in research for years he is NOT a skeptic
Martin Blackwood: He’s not??
Martin Blackwood: Carlos vittery literally died wrapped in spiderwebs and he said it was natural . how could that be anything but paranormal
Jonathan Sims: And here i thought you said you didn’t believe the statements
Martin Blackwood: Look i didn’t word that right
Martin Blackwood: There are obviously a few real ones
Martin Blackwood: But the idea that what’s behind them is prominent enough to have a classification system? that was known by some random guy in the 1800s?
Timothy Stoker: i’m not saying smirke was right or that we have to believe it
Timothy Stoker: but i want to find out more about this
Timothy Stoker: and i know we’re technically just supposed to archive stuff but jon’s basically turned us into research anyway
Timothy Stoker: i’m going to work on this and find out more.
Jonathan Sims: Yes Tim as your boss I give you permission to do this project thank you for checking
Jonathan Sims: And thanks for that research comment
Timothy Stoker: you’re welcome :)
Sasha James: if i find any connections between statements i’ll let you know tim
Timothy Stoker: thanks sash
Martin Blackwood: I’ll do the same
Martin Blackwood: If you hand me the frog statement
Timothy Stoker: nooo just get it yourself it’s so far from me
Martin Blackwood: You’re literally as far away as i am
Timothy Stoker: so there’s no reason to make me get it is there
Martin Blackwood: My reason is i don’t want tslhfdkjldf
Timothy Stoker: oh my goD
Sasha James: i left for the library literally thirty seconds ago how did something happen already
Timothy Stoker: jon just flung open the door to his office, grabbed the statements on the floor, knocked martin’s phone out of his hand and slammed the statements down in front of him before walking back into his office and shutting the door behind him
Sasha James: AJKSJS
Martin Blackwood: The worst part is he only grabbed like half of the statements and the one i need is still on the floor :/
Jonathan Sims: Martin I swear to god
Martin Blackwood: Right right getting back to work now haha sorry
Jonathan Sims: And Tim, obviously this group chat has NOT been conducive to our work environment so if you would kindly delete it
Timothy Stoker: sorry i'm working rn :)
Timothy Stoker: i'll get around to that sometime today :)
Jonathan Sims: That's what you said about those police records
Timothy Stoker is typing…
Jonathan Sims: Tim.
Timothy Stoker: oops looks like the work day's over :) gotta nyoom, <3 u guys :)))
Sasha James: ahaha he’s not wrong it is five o’clock. <3, see you guys tomorrow!
Martin Blackwood: See you tomorrow <33
Jonathan Sims: ...<3
Timothy Stoker: aww i knew he loved me