Work Text:
prelude:
"we can never be friends;"
Lauren was shocked- scratch that- she was far from shocked. She even felt the need to rub her eyes, just to be sure that she isn't seeing things from the joint she and Colson shared before coming into the club; even the loud music that was blasting through her body, now fading away in her ears. Lauren felt like fainting because Camila was there. Right there . A few feet away from Lauren's reach. Camila with her long straight hair; with her white high heels making her legs look so incredibly long; with her long delicate fingers; with her white tight dress that was just hugging her curves so good; with her sharp jawline that could cut right through her heart; with her soft smile and warm eyes-
Camila who still hasn't seen her, but was firmly holding Shawn's hand. And let me tell you; Lauren never felt so many emotions at once. But most of all she hated it, she hated the stupid smiles on their faces as they joined the small group of friends; Lauren's friends.
Even though Shawn has recently started hanging out with them, he was a good friend of Lucy's. Nobody minded too, he was a good company and a good guy for sure. Lauren wasn't even sure when he made his way into their group, but one day he was there and nobody minded.
But Lauren hated it now, she could feel her blood freeze and then boil in her body. Shawn with his stupid white t-shirt and jeans; with his curly hair and his stupid height; Shawn with his perfect white teeth and jawline; Shawn with his warm eyes and open heart; Shawn with his stupid new girlfriend that he was supposed to introduce to his friends tonight. He was everything Lauren could never be, in fact, they were like two sides of the same coin; so opposite but so alike. And that's why Lauren could just feel it in the pit of her stomach, the raw emotion of jealousy and hatred; she could almost taste it in her mouth.
Lauren brought her drink to her lips taking a big sip; the alcohol burning its way down her body making her squeeze her eyes shut and gasp at the strong liquid. When she opened them she was met with chocolate orbs and very very surprised and maybe panicked Camila.
It was evident all over her face, Camila was shocked as much as her. But with Shawn's hand on her waist and the way he guided her to move and meet the rest of his friends-
They were coming Lauren's way.
"Mila, this is Colson-" Shawn shouted over the music and pointed at the tall blond boy next to Lauren.
"Nice to meet you," Colson had replied and smiled at the shorter Latina.
"Likewise,"
"And at last but not least, this is Lauren!" the Canadian motioned at the green-eyed girl.
And yeah, Lauren definitely felt like fainting; maybe it was the joint, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Camila.
"Nice to meet you, Lauren." Camila's eyes spoke it all. Lauren knew they were playing a dangerous game right now and she wasn't really in the mood to tell all of her friends that she already knew Camila; or about all the ways she knew the other Latina. So she played along. Pretending that nothing has happened was always the easier choice anyway.
"You too," Lauren simply nodded, and before anything else can happen Shawn was dragging his girlfriend towards the bar.
The raven-haired girl could feel the bitterness on her tongue as she watched them walk away. She wasn't ready to see Camila. Not after everything, not yet. Maybe she was never going to be ready for that. Because suddenly it all came back and she felt like drowning in emotions. It frustrated her how much Camila affected her right now, after all this time.
"Okay, what the fuck was that about?" Colson had bent a little to shout next to Lauren's ear over the loud music.
"What do you mean?" Lauren frowned at him taking another sip of her drink, completely oblivious to her staring.
"Uh, the weird energy around you and Shawn's new girlfriend called tension ?" the taller boy chuckled and smirked at her. Lauren huffed in annoyance.
"I don't know what you are talking about," the green-eyed girl murmured with her lips barely gazing at her glass. She wasn't sure that Colson even heard her, but when she looked at him he had this big smirk on his face and that fire in his eyes filled with mischief.
"You got away this time, but you are definitely telling me later," he laughed it off and moved towards the bar. "Want another drink, Jauregui?"
"Yeah, sure." Lauren gave him her now empty glass and got lost in her thoughts again. Her mind filled with what-ifs and memories that were floating right before her eyes, the things she buried deep in her mind; she couldn't swallow the lump in her throat and couldn't get rid of the sour taste in her mouth every time she found Camila's gaze on her.
Later, when Lauren's friends tried to make her play some drinking game with them, she gladly denied it. She already drank too much and it would only make her feel worse later. But Dinah frowned at her and patted her shoulder.
"C'mon, Ralph, you are no fun tonight! Who are you and what did you do to my crazy friend?!! But sure you can just go and make company to Camila then, cause she's not playing too, such a pussies you are. You two are gonna be really good friends," Dinah had said, clearly more intoxicated than she looked. But that only ignited some anger in Lauren and she was ready to scream at her best friend at how stupid that sounded and that she already knew Camila and-
She just felt like screaming her guts out with frustration, the words on the tip of her tongue, but then she caught Camila's intense brown eyes on her and her words died on her throat; she groaned instead.
"Fine, I'll play but only a little," the raven-haired girl sighed and sat next to the Polynesian girl that was beaming at her happily.
"And Mila is fun, Laur, you gonna love her," Dinah said again but after that focused on Normani and the game they were starting to play.
Lauren let her eyes wander back to the shorter Latina who was sitting on Shawn's side. Camila's eyes were on her again and for the first time that night, Lauren thought that she saw some emotion in them and it almost made her cry right there, overwhelmed and frustrated with her conflicted feelings.
"We can never be friends," the green-eyed girl mumbled with sorrow in her voice; unaware that Dinah had heard it.
interlude:
"we are insane, that's just the way it goes;"
Lauren had too many drinks, she knew that. Because suddenly the word was spinning and she felt nauseous; she needed to sober up a little and thought about asking Colson to make her company outside because he was the only one who was not so interested in Camila's and Shawn's relationship. But as the raven-haired girl made her way toward her friend, she felt fingers closing around her wrist and pulling her in another direction. Lauren was concerned for a moment but as she stumbled her way through the sea of people she was sure she caught a glimpse of a white dress and soft brown eyes and she just let herself be pulled. She could never control her heart when it comes to Camila.
Lauren felt even more nauseous when they came to a stop in the very bright bathroom. As she clutched her stomach and almost ran to the toilet to free her system from all the alcohol, but it soon calmed down. Her breath caught in her throat as she let her eyes fall on the other brunette.
Camila was standing near the sinks in the deserted restroom with her clouded eyes and unreadable expression. She looked so beautiful tonight, well every night, but the raven-haired girl had forgotten how stunning she was. Camila was looking at Lauren with such intensity that made the green-eyed girl gasp. Then suddenly the short Latina frowned and mumbled something inaudible that sounded a lot like " I'm not myself when you're around ".
But Lauren didn't have time to think about it, cause suddenly she was pushed into one of the bathroom stalls. She stumbled from the force and almost sat on the toilet, but as fast as she was pushed two hands were grasping the collar of her jacket pulling her right into Camila's body.
And it all happened too fast and Lauren was cursing in her brain; scoffing at herself for drinking too much, but then Camila's mouth was on hers; her body melting from the feeling; she felt like crying from the overwhelming emotion that crashed into her. She missed this more than she thought. Camila was kissing her as if nothing had ever happened and Lauren didn't know it was possible to miss someone so much. Because Camila was there, in front of her, kissing her as if her life depended on it; with her soft lips and lemon taste; with the intoxication of her perfume, just the familiar scent of her made her head spin.
Lauren's mind went blank after that. She wrapped her arms around Camila and pulled her into her body more; she needed to feel all of her. Lauren wanted to consume and be consumed by her.
Lauren pushed Camila against the bathroom stall door gasping for air in a short time before moving close to the other girl and kissing her again more passionately. Her tongue slipped past plump lips tasting the sweetest of sins. Their breaths mingled as they parted, trying to satisfy their burning lungs. Lauren got a better look at Camila's face while the other girl's eyes were still closed. Green eyes roamed freely making sure to remember every little detail, thinking why she would let such a pretty girl go. But when brown eyes opened slowly, Lauren couldn't remember what she did to hurt them both.
With Camila's soft eyes on her and her fingers tracing Lauren's lips and then her jawline, and with the way Camila whispered quietly "Lauren," like she couldn't believe she was right there with her; Lauren felt like exploding. It was all too much, she felt too many emotions, most of them conflicting and overwhelming and she needed to get out of there, because she knew this was all wrong .
But then again, there was no such thing as wrong and Camila in one sentence.
Lauren tried to run - push her away, tell her to fuck off, and get out of the fucking bathroom. But instead, it came out like a soft sigh: "Camz," and then she was kissing her again instead of moving away. Surly making out in a bathroom stall wasn't what she had in mind for a reunion with an ex-lover.
Camila couldn't help it; the moment she laid her eyes on the familiar girl, it felt like the first time. She felt wild and untamed and it was all burning over her body. She just couldn't help it, because she didn't remember the feeling of Lauren's mouth on her and the way her hands knew their way around her body. And she needed to remember; to feel it again.
Lauren's jacket hit the floor as cold hands find their way under her gray tank top. She gasped at the heat difference and moved her skilled mouth to Camila's neck. It started simply pecking her skin, but then Camila was grasping at her ass and her mouth fell open biting into the sensitive skin.
"Oh my god," Camila had gasped over her ear; so Lauren did it again. Sucking and biting and kissing it better, enjoying the whimpers she received from the brunette.
Lauren gripped the end of Camila's white dress pushing it up on her thighs suddenly feeling very impatient. Then Camila's lips were on hers again and she found it hard to push the dress higher. Lauren tugged it harshly upward making Camila moan in her mouth and arch her body into her. The brunette wrapped her arms around Lauren's neck and deepened their messy kisses.
Lauren's hand moved between their bodies feeling the softness of Camila's thigh beneath her fingers.
"Camila-" the green-eyed girl broke the kiss, but her question died on her lips as Camila looked at her with dark eyes and swollen lips shushing her.
"Just touch me," Camila rasped out taking Lauren's right hand in hers and moving it between her thighs. "No talking, just touching, remember ?" she whispered against Lauren's lips and Lauren almost stopped right there and then, but her hand was pushed against Camila's panties and she lost all sense of basic human decency.
As Lauren's fingers brushed against the damp material, Camila's hips arched against her hand; her eyes closed tightly as the loud moan echoed into the bathroom and her head rested back on the door. Lauren had to wrap her other hand around Camila's waist to keep her from falling to the ground.
"Aah, fuck," the short Latina panted as she grabbed Lauren's shoulders to steady herself. Lauren licked her lips before biting her lower lip. The sight before her eyes was just so heaven-like; she felt like floating and suffocating at the same time.
It was all getting blurry, but Lauren's hand was suddenly in Camila's underwear and she was leaving open-mouthed kisses around Camila's throat enjoying the way her body was arching into her with every move of her fingers. And Lauren didn't exactly remember how it happened but she was in a dirty bathroom stall fucking Camila; with her fingers deep into between her thighs and she didn't want it to end.
But then Camila was clenching around her fingers falling apart with Lauren's name on her lips and Lauren had to bite her tongue not to say something stupid as " does he fuck you like that ".
Lauren didn't exactly remember how she ended up being pushed against the door; how Camila unbuttoned her jeans; how she got on her knees in front of her or how she was coming undone against her tongue. And after that, when Camila was kissing her lips again she was hit with the realization of it all, suddenly feeling very sober and very sick. Her body stiffing against the other girl. She pushed gently the smaller Latina from herself taking a good look at the mess they just made.
Camila's hair was a mess; her dress was pushed over her hips; her plump lips were swollen; her cheeks flushing red; her eyes were still clouded from the alcohol- or maybe Lauren's lips; her neck had e few hickeys- It was evident that Camila just had sex and it wasn't with her lovely boyfriend.
"Laur-" Camila said worriedly and looked very small all of a sudden.
Lauren felt the tears burning in her eyes because she wanted to tell her how much she loved her and how much she missed her, and how she deserved so much more than a quick bathroom fuck, but then she wasn't hers to tell that. So instead she buttoned her jeans and ran out of the bathroom holding her breath, breathing again when she was out of the club. The tears still burning in her eyes but she swallowed them down trying to catch her breath. Her lungs burned in her chest with sudden anxiety and nervousness. She knew she fucked up, big time.
"Wow, you look like shit," Colson came next to her with concerned eyes fixated on her wild hair. "Are you okay?" he asked and pulled the shorter girl into a side hug. Lauren straightened herself and tried to calm her messed hair and erratic breathing. She needed to be brave now, to man up and forget about it. To suck it up and accept the consequences of her actions. She looked over at her friend still close to her and the genuine expression on his face.
"I'm fine," she rasped out and looked at his cigarette; she needed to smoke, she felt sick inside. Lauren's hands tried to make their way into her pocket but then she was hit with the realization that her jacket was probably still lying on the bathroom floor with her cigarettes. She sighed heavily and looked at Colson. "Spare me a cig?"
Colson laughed at his friend and opened his pack. "You really need to buy yourself some, you owe me like 3 packs already."
She grabbed the cigarette and put it between her lips and signaling him to light it up with his lighter. Soon after the image of how she left Camila in the dirty bathroom; the feeling of her soft lips; or how she helped her cheat on her boyfriend, faded in her mind.
"So what's with you and Shawn's girl?" Colson asked breaking the silence.
"Nothing, you're just seeing things," Lauren spoke and looked into the night sky. "We are insane, that's just the way it goes."
postlude:
"i'm a demon in the night, she's an angel with the white;"
They were the complete opposites. Camila and Lauren. Lauren and Camila. But then again they kind of balanced each other. Lauren brought out the wild side of Camila; Camila brought out the soft side of Lauren. It was how they worked. How they used to be.
They were like that since day one. They met at a bar and the moment when green eyes found caramel ones- it was intense . Lauren had never felt such a pull towards someone and Camila had never felt such a rush. And it was supposed to be a one-night stand, because Lauren had never seen such a beautiful girl and because Camila never felt such a burning in her chest.
Camila knew better than to play with fire, she would get burnt, but she did it anyway.
When Lauren took her home that night she was intoxicated, already burning herself. Camila thought that there was no such high as the one Lauren was giving her; there was no such touch as the way Lauren was touching her; no such kiss; no such feeling; no such love. She was wrong, of course.
They both thought it was a one-time thing. But it wasn't.
They ran into each other again in a coffee shop. It wasn't so awkward as much as cute. Because Camila was blushing and smiling and being so adorable, and Lauren was giggling with red on her cheeks and thinking " what the actual fuck ". Lauren never giggles.
Lauren walked Camila home after that; the smiles on their faces never fell. Camila thought it was blissful; Lauren thought she was losing her mind.
Camila asked her shyly if she wanted to come up and drink her cafe with her. Lauren tried to refuse, but when she saw the slight disappointment in the brown eyes, she made sure to accept the invitation. Camila had never smiled wilder.
It all happened too fast to reminisce because one moment they were sitting and chatting animatedly about everything & nothing at all; and the next Camila was straddling Lauren on her couch kissing her passionately.
"I don't date, this is just a temporary thing," Lauren had said between kisses. Camila only nodded her head, not really thinking about it. She could've said yes to anything right now, because Lauren set her soul on fire.
And Camila knew better than to play with fire- or so she thought .
It kept happening, they were casually having sex whenever they wanted. But then it started to change. They would spend more time together after that. They would simply watch a movie or Camila would cook something delicious and Lauren's eyes would light up like a child on Christmas. It was the small things. Lauren decided that making Camila happy was her job; keeping her away from her friends; keeping her all to herself. She didn't want to share Camila with anyone, she was hers. And Camila did nothing more to be herself when Lauren was around. It was as easy as that.
And as things started to become more serious between them, it clicked to Lauren. She realized it while she was holding Camila close one night, watching her soft breathing and calm expression; she looked ethereal . Suddenly Lauren was hit with a realization. She was in love .
They had been doing this for half a year already, the longest Lauren was with one of her "temporary things" . And she was mad at herself, she didn't want this to happen; how could she let herself be so careless?! That night, through gritted teeth and realizations, Lauren promised herself to never tell the other girl how much in love she was.
And this is where it all went down.
One night, Camila was entering Lauren's apartment with a very determent expression on her face.
"What's wrong, Camz?" Lauren frowned as she watched the other Latina take her high heels off.
"Lauren, what are we doing?" Camila hummed softly walking towards the coach where the raven-haired girl was sitting.
"Well I ordered Chinese and thought about watching that movie you love so much-" the green-eyed girl said thoughtfully, but stopped short when she looked at Camila's concerned features.
"No," Camila sighed running her fingers through her hair. "What are we doing?"
"I don't understand-"
"We do all these things, such as movie nights and cuddling and everything and- we have been doing it for a while now so I thought.." the short Latina sighed anxiously. "Don't you wanna make it serious? Because you don't want me to see other people and I don't want you to see other people -"
Camila looked at Lauren with hopeful and soft caramel eyes. She reached out and traced Lauren's jawline with the tip of her fingers.
"I want you, Lauren. All of it. Don't you want me too?" she spoke softly moving closer to the other girl.
Lauren felt conflicted. Camila was looking at her with such tenderness that all she wanted to do is cry and agree with everything Camila was saying. Her heart wanted nothing more. But the promise she made to herself all these years ago and the one she made a few weeks back- they were holding her back. And she knew better than to break them.
"Camila," she sighed softly with sad eyes. "I want you," she started, but regretted her poor choice of words, because Camila's face lit for a moment; all hope disappearing after the next words. "But I can't give you what you want. I told you at the beginning, this was just a temporary thing."
The hurt on the brown-eyed girl's face was what broke Lauren's heart.
"But I thought-" Camila started.
"There's nothing to think about Camila!" Lauren snapped at her. "This was just fooling around, I thought you knew that!"
"For fuck sake Lauren, grow the fuck up!" Camila bit back angrily. "For once swallow your damn pride and admit that you feel the same way I feel about you! I can see it in your eyes, don't lie to me!"
"Just because I decided to be friends with you doesn't mean I'm in love with you!" Lauren raised her voice back. They were both now standing up from the couch.
"So what? You just cuddle with all of your friends after sex?!" Camila laughed bitterly, crossing her hands before her chest.
"Stop it, Camila! I told you, if you want a real relationship then we are done." Lauren said more calmly, she ran her fingers through her hair nervously. Camila only laughed bitterly again with tears of disappointment burning in her eyes.
"So I was just a toy to you? And when you get bored, you throw it away." Camila stated more to herself than asking Lauren.
And it hurt, both of them. Lauren's pride and ego were bigger than her heart; and Camila's heart was bigger than her mind telling her to not get burnt; now she was burning to ashes until nothing was left.
Lauren didn't say anything, too scared that her voice would give away the words she was bottling in her heart. She swallowed them down and straighten herself.
"Alright then," her voice was shaking a little, but she masked it with a cough. "That's it. Just go."
Camila was breaking before her eyes; her tears burning her beautiful eyes; the pain in her brown orbs. Lauren did that; she just broke her in the worst way.
"Fuck you, Lauren!" Camila said angrily before grabbing her stuff and walking out of Lauren's apartment shutting the door with all of her strength.
And that's when Lauren broke. She wiped her tears, getting angry with herself for feeling this way.
"Yeah, fuck you, Lauren," she said to herself sitting on the couch again.
Now Lauren was sitting on the more comfortable couch in Colson's basement. All of her friends were there, including Shawn and his Camila. And yet again the green-eyed girl felt sick, her stomach won't stop flipping when she catches a glimpse of Shawn or Camila. Her soul was filled with guilt every time she looked their way. The thought of what they did in the bathroom and the way she practically was involved in Camila cheating on her boyfriend just made her want to throw up.
She felt an inexplicable pain in her body every time she looked at soft chocolate eyes and the raven-haired girl was getting sick of feeling like this. And even now, when Shawn and Camila were slowly making out on the opposite couch and most of her friends passed out somewhere after their mini-house party, she just couldn't take her eyes off of them.
Lauren just couldn't stop her mind from wandering to the past and thinking how good it felt to have Camila in her arms. And all the noises she would make, it was like honey dripping from her lips; how she would groan with need when Lauren touched her; how she would gasp and whimper when Lauren would brush her lips on her neck, chest, thighs; how she would moan and curse when she was reaching that high; but most importantly, how she would laugh when Lauren was around, just messing around like five years old. Her bright smile, the one that reached her brown eyes, the one that tasted better than all other kisses. She was longing for Camila, regretting every decision she has ever made.
Lauren was startled the moment Colson pushed her shoulder and passed her the joint. Taking it between her lips she took a deep breath holding it all in before exhaling all the smoke in front of her. Her body relaxing; her heart numbing; her mind emptying.
But then she would pass the joint to Camila; she would meet her brown bloodshot eyes and she would get hit with it all over again. An infinite loop the green-eyed girl would never escape. Lauren thought that Camila will haunt her for the rest of her life. With her soft caramel eyes, judging every mistake Lauren had ever made, making her feel guilt and sorrow; just feel everything.
It was easier to pretend in front of their friends. They would act like they were enjoying each other's company, but deep down they were suffocating from the toxicity they had created.
Lauren dodged all of Dinah's and Colson's questions.
"What's with you and chanch, Lauser?" Dinah would ask.
"Why do you barely talk to Camila? She's cool, Lauren, loosen up a little!" Colson would say laughing, already high.
"Did something happen between you and Walz, you know I love the drama, give me the deets!"
"Are you avoiding her on purpose?"
"Just tell me what's going on, please. Do you know her, like when you were- you know!?"
"For fuck's sake, just talk to me, please! I can see in your eyes that it's not okay and I just want you to stop feeling like this."
And it was all suffocating her, not telling the truth to her closest friends. Eventually, they stopped questioning it: the weird tension between the two Latinas; the heaviness when they both walk into the same room... But that didn't mean they weren't concerned, or blind .
It just made Lauren even sicker and cigarettes weren't making her feel less anxious like they used to; and weed didn't give her the good high anymore; and alcohol only made her feel sicker; and her past was coming back crushing her. But Lauren needed to be strong, because going back to old habits and hard drugs didn't fix her the first time. So she got along with what she had now.
Lauren didn't remember falling asleep, but she woke up feeling very thirsty and with a strong need to pee. Her body felt heavy, relaxed, spread uncomfortably on the couch. She opened her eyes and massaged her neck when she sat up straight. A groan left her lips and she looked around. Her lips were painfully dry and licking them made them hurt even more.
Colson had passed out next to her with a burnt joint between his fingers. The soft music still playing in the background; her friends were still asleep around the basement, the house, wherever they found a place to sleep, or wherever they passed out. She let her green eyes wander to the other couch, but she was met only with the gray furniture.
Lauren sighed before standing up and making her way out of the basement. She fixed herself a glass of water and emptied it instantly. Then she made her way to the bathroom, massaging her aching head.
When Lauren stepped into the bathroom she didn't give it a lot of thought, because the door was slightly open and she just simply pushed it and entered. But then she was met with familiar long hair and she was feeling very awake all of a sudden.
Camila was bent over the sink and Lauren was about to move closer and ask if she was okay, but her words died on her tongue. Camila stood up suddenly and tilted her head back.
Green eyes watched the reflection of the girl as she inhales sharply and wipes her red nose. Camila's brown bloodshot eyes slowly opened up and found Lauren's gaze in the mirror.
Lauren felt her heart stop as she watches the girl, that held her soul in her petite hands, doing cocaine. It felt all too familiar and all too sickening. And Lauren felt like fainting, but this time it wasn't the alcohol or the joint. It was Camila; Camila who was coldly looking at Lauren in the reflection of the mirror, at 5 am, in a bathroom. Then the silence was broken and Camila managed to rasp out:
"Why are you here?"