Chapter Text
“You’re drunk.”
It wasn’t a terribly difficult deduction to make – the smell of alcohol was almost overpowering just by virtue of him being there. I let out a long-suffering sigh and glanced up from the book in my hands, only to find Constantin half-collapsed in the doorway of the study, watching on with wide eyes and a dopey smile. He looked thoroughly pleased with himself, clutching a bottle of what looked like some kind of frightfully expensive alcohol to his chest and never once flinching.
I didn’t know why I was surprised, really. It was hardly the first time this had happened.
His smile only widened at the accusation, and he quickly sank into a clumsy bow, one hand gripping the door frame in order to keep him from falling, his balance clearly thrown.
“Guilty as charged!” he acknowledged gleefully, taking a moment or two in order to carefully right himself, before finally deigning to glance at his surroundings. “Wait… wait, wait- you’re in here? Why are you in here?”
I returned my attention to the book that now sat in my lap, deciding in that moment that I didn’t want to pursue this conversation any further. “I’m trying to concentrate, Constantin.”
“Don’t tell me you’re studying?!”
I rolled my head back and groaned – loudly and obnoxiously, in the vain hope he’d understand just how much I wanted to be left alone – easing the book shut before slouching in my chair. I stayed there, glancing up just enough to see him, already feeling the sheer disappointment rolling off him in waves. I knew what he was going to say. I’d endured this speech from him so many times I could almost see the words forming in his mind.
“Trying to,” I admitted quietly before he said anything, hoping against hope I could avoid the impassioned speech about living life to the fullest for the time being. “But I’m not getting very far with it, I fear.”
There was a dull thud as Constantin all but threw himself against the wall, quickly sagging to the floor. “But Sir de Courcillon isn’t even here! So why are you?”
“Because I’d like to understand it.”
The comment was met with a look of nothing short of absolute disgust, which I quickly elected to ignore.
“What an excruciatingly dull existence you lead,” Constantin mumbled, staggering to his feet, doing his best to remain tall and composed despite being unable to keep himself from swaying precariously from side to side. “We’re about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime and you’re just- just…reading?”
I glanced back down at the book, not quite sure how to respond to that. Wondering if it was even worth responding at all. No matter what I said, Constantin would try to use it against me. I knew that. I’d been in enough of these little verbal sparring matches to know what he was like. He would stand there, slowly wearing me down until I agreed to go with him. Then he would drag me out to at least ten different taverns, drowning himself in alcohol the whole way, loudly boast to anyone who would listen, drunkenly flirt with some unfortunate young woman, and wander off on his own. And I would find him collapsed in a pile of hay in a stable somewhere come the morning, passed out in his own vomit.
We’d done this dance, so many times before. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tired of it.
“The Principality of Sérène is about to be bereft of your presence, and you won’t even say farewell to make the loss slightly more bearable?” Constantin called, his face twisting into an expression of theatrical mock-outrage as I said nothing. “So callous, cousin! How can they hope to survive without you?”
My lips curved into a somewhat cynical smile at that. “You aren’t subtle when you’re trying to be manipulative.”
He pulled back, his hand flying to cover his heart. “Manipulative? Cousin, I assure you, I only have your best interests at heart!”
“Why don’t I believe that?”
“It’ll be fun,” he insisted, brandishing the bottle in his hand as if it would somehow entice me. “The two of us, out on the town! All of Sérène will bow before us! Wenches watch out!”
I didn’t bother to grace that with an answer. All of it sounded like nothing more than a disaster waiting to happen. And if years of experience were anything to go by, that was exactly what it would be.
“Come on cousin…” Constantin whined, leaning in my general direction as if to reinforce his point. “It’s a beau- …it’s nice… it’s a day. An evening! How can you spend it here, alone in this hole?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a small, slightly agitated exhale. “Sir de Courcillon-”
“Won’t kill you if you take a night off for once in your life,” Constantin interrupted, making a wide sweeping gesture at the door. “Besides, you could use some…” he trailed off for a moment and swallowed hard as he realised he was poking at an open wound and didn’t quite know how to proceed.
I carefully placed my hands on the book and looked up, watching him carefully, silently daring him to finish.
“…good,” he finished, somewhat lamely, almost immediately wilting under my hard gaze. “Uh, good things? Cheer. Cheering up!”
The room immediately descended into silence as the truth of the situation seemed to hit the both of us and I turned my head away; suddenly unable to meet Constantin’s eye. The reality of it, of what was happening, of what we were about to do and who I was leaving behind, hit me all at once. And now I was drowning in it, struggling desperately under the crushing weight of it all.
I wouldn’t see her again, once we left. Running away and forgetting about it simply wasn’t an option anymore. I’d have to say goodbye, sooner or later.
Of course, instead of doing that, instead going and seeing her like I should have – like any dutiful child was expected to do when their mother lay on her deathbed – I hid myself away in here, doing everything I could do keep myself from confronting reality. I locked myself inside and I buried myself in whatever painfully trite books I could find, willing myself to simply cease existing.
And Constantin had found me, because of course he had.
“I appreciate the thought, Constantin,” I began slowly, wincing at the slight pain that came out in my voice despite my best efforts to hide it, “but I fear I won’t make for very good company. And I’d really rather avoid making an ass of myself.”
Constantin threw his head back and let out a theatrical groan; looking far too much like a toddler throwing a tantrum, all melancholy abruptly gone from his mind. “You. Are so. Boring. How are we even related?”
“A mystery for the ages, to be sure.”
“Cous-”
“No.”
“Adélard…”
“No, Constantin.”
We fell into silence at that point, as Constantin finally began to realise that he wasn’t going to be able to convince me, despite the excessive pouting he was throwing in my direction. I carefully kept my eyes down, doing just about everything in my power not to respond as he ducked and bowed and swayed from side to side in frustration like he was three years old.
“Very well,” he huffed grumpily after a pause, folding his arms tightly across his chest and slowly shambling his way back out into the hallway. “I shall simply have to make do without you. Heaven help me.”
I sighed. “Do you have to go out?”
Constantin looked aghast at that, his eyes growing wide the instant he spotted what I was implying. “Obviously, cousin! What else would you have me do?”
“You could stay in,” I pointed out quietly. “Just this once.”
Constantin’s eyebrows shot up incredulously at the mere suggestion. “The night before we finally get to leave this cesspit? Surely you’re not serious!”
“What if something happens?”
“Nothing is going to happen,” he called loudly while gesturing at himself, his lips cracking into a wide grin as he did so. “And if it does, it will be nothing I can’t deal with.”
“Constantin, we’re departing in the morning. I won’t have time to run around the city looking for you.”
He scoffed at that, leaning out into the hallway without looking back at me. “I will be alright, mother.”
I slouched back in my chair, running my hands over my face in some vain effort to alleviate the stress that was quickly building up behind my eyes. He’s going to be the death of me at this rate. I was going to worry myself into an early grave purely at Constantin’s expense, and everyone knew it.
“Honestly, Adélard,” he continued when I said nothing, “you worry far too much about me.”
My lips quirked with the faintest hint of a smile.
“Someone has to.”