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Her hands were sweaty and shaking as she raised a fist to the oak stained door. Fear was not new to Mildred, she grew up in fear, but this felt different. This felt new. She had replayed the events over and over on her drive home from the asylum. The blood of the guard, the screams, Edmund staring unapologetic at her as Dolly waved a gun at everyone. But all of that faded into background noise as she saw Gwen appear and step towards the crazed nurse, the erratic waving ceasing and aimed deadly at the older woman. She held her breath.
The fear was paralyzing.
What was only seconds felt like an eternity as she saw Dolly and Gwen circling each other before Edmund grabbed Dolly’s arm and ran out with her. Blue eyes met brown and Mildred released her breath, the blood roaring in her ears. A sharp pull to her elbow ripped her out of her reverie as Huck motioned frantically for help with Charlotte who was screaming. All at once the sound of the room rushed back and in the midst of the chaos Mildred lost sight of those soulful blue eyes.
What if something had happened to her?
What if she died?
What if she never got the chance to dance with her?
Things could have so easily gone wrong and she couldn’t bare the idea of losing the woman before she had her. She took in a steadying breath and knocked lightly on the oak stained door across the hall. Not loud enough to wake her if she was asleep but loud enough to be heard if she were still awake.
God, she hoped she was still awake.
The door quietly opened and Gwen appeared before her in her pajamas. Mildred had to stop herself from stepping forward and hugging the woman tightly.
“Mildred,” Gwen said surprised. She took in the teal dress and tired eyes of the woman standing at her door, “Are you just getting back?”
“Yes,” Mildred said as she wrung her hands, willing her courage to stick around just a little bit longer, “I wanted to make sure you were okay after tonight… I…”
Gwen sensed the war within Mildred, could see all the emotions behind those big brown eyes, “Yes, I’m okay but I should be asking you that.” She almost reached out to the woman but paused to look down the hallway for prying eyes.
Mildred followed her line of sight and gathered her courage, “Gwen I…I was wondering ..if.. you’d like to have that dance with me?”
Gwen’s face lit up in surprise before a small smirk appeared, “In the hallway? Won’t people get the wrong idea?” she teased.
The younger woman smiled and stepped to the side revealing her open door with soft music drifting out of it. Without a word the older woman closed the door behind her and stepped into the music filled room grinning from ear to ear.
“I feel I’m a bit underdressed,” Gwen motioned to her pajamas as Mildred closed the door to the hallway and stepped towards her. She could no longer resist the distance between them.
“Nonsense you’re perfect” Mildred stated as she walked over to the record player and raised the volume slightly. She had borrowed it from the asylum just before she left for the night. Mildred didn’t notice the color on the older woman’s cheeks after her comment, she had taken to staring at her shoes instead. “I… I’m not sure how to lead,” she said softly
“Let me,” Gwen said and opened her arms in invitation to the younger woman.
Mildred’s eyes snapped up and looked at the woman who was smiling fondly at her.
Who could possibly resist her?
She wiped her sweaty hands on her dress and kicked off her shoes as she walked towards Gwen’s open arms. She knew Gwen intended for her to take ahold of her hands but she couldn’t resist being close to the woman after the events of tonight. She stepped into the other woman’s space and clasped her hands at the back of her neck, she held her breath for only a moment before she felt soft hands on her hips.
She wants you too.
The room was quiet save for the soft melody coming from the record in the corner. Both women swayed to the gentle beat, instinctively pulling each other a little closer. Mildred found herself relaxing against the other woman and breathing in her scent. It was intoxicating. She could feel the woman’s steady breaths against her neck and found comfort in it.
She’s still here.
She’s okay.
Mildred closed her eyes and tried to memorize the feel of the older woman against her. She was soft, warm, and safe. Everything she wasn’t used to but wanted desperately. She sighed and spoke in a hushed whisper, “I was so scared tonight when Dolly…” she paused trying to calm her thoughts. A soft squeeze to her hips encouraged her to continue, “I… what if I lost you? That’s all I could think about tonight,” the words rushed out of her, “What if she shot you and I lost you? I..I couldn’t bare it..I..”
Gwendolyn wrapped her arms around the younger woman and held her close. She felt wetness on her neck by her ear during Mildred’s confession and knew she was crying. Her heart ached as she murmured reassurances to the nurse and rubbed slow circles on her back in an effort to soothe her. “Shhh it’s okay, I’m right here. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” She repeated it like a mantra until Mildred’s breaths grew steady again, her grip never loosening.
When yet another song came on Mildred pulled back to look at Gwen, her big brown eyes watery and shining with emotion. Gwen felt her breath hitch as the younger woman played with the hair at the base of her neck, the touch light but deliberate. It sent jolts of electricity down her spine and she had to bite her lip to hold back a moan. Brown eyes grew darker and before she knew it soft red lips were deliciously pressed against her own.
The kiss was soft and slow. Their dancing stopping entirely as hands tentatively wandered and explored one another. Mildred had never felt anything close to this before and pulled the other woman impossibly close as she dared to deepen the kiss. The nurse’s tongue traced Gwen’s bottom lip seeking permission as their lips molded perfectly together. Low moans escaped both women as she was granted access and Mildred felt a warm tension of want start to blossom deep within her core. They were lost in one another.
When the need for air was too much they rested their foreheads together panting. They smiled wide as they took in lipstick smeared swollen lips, flushed cheeks, and messy hair.
“You’re a hell of a dancer,” Gwen teased.
“I had a good teacher,” Mildred smiled and extended her hand silently asking for another dance.
The two women held each other and danced in the low light of the motel room. Both barefoot and Gwen in her pajamas. Neither seemed to notice or care that the record had already finished playing.