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The halls are quiet, but that’s to be expected this early. The sun isn’t even up yet. Jimin always comes early on the first day of a new school year so he can pick the seat he wants -- front row, as close to the teachers as he can get -- and to take his time preparing for the day.
He finds his classroom without issue, opens the doors and stops in his tracks. There’s already someone in the room, his head resting on the back of his chair, thick black boots kicked up on the chair in front of him, and his black hoodie pulled up to conceal his face, but Jimin would know Jungkook anywhere.
It feels like Jimin’s hated him for as long as he’s been drawing breath even if he knows that’s not really true. They’ve only been in classes together since middle school when Jungkook’s family moved to Seoul. Jungkook immediately started competing with Jimin, who had always been top of his class, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if Jungkook wasn’t so smart. Jimin had never really had any competition until Jungkook showed up with his big brown eyes, and his smug little smirk, and his incredible brain.
The thing about Jungkook is that while he’s really smart, he’s also annoying and incredibly disrespectful. Jimin works hard. He wakes up every morning at 5 am. He’s in class by 6 am, dances 4 times a week after class, and attends self study every evening until at least 10 pm even though their high school no longer requires it. He’s lucky if he gets 4 hours of sleep a day between studying, dance practice, and helping his parents with household chores.
Meanwhile, Jungkook seems to be naturally good at everything he does. He joined dance three years after Jimin and is equally good at it now. He’s two years younger, but seems to catch on to concepts in both maths and literacy faster than anyone in their grade. Jimin only sees him at self-study if they have a test, otherwise Jimin assumes Jungkook is off living his life, while Jimin scratches and claws his way to the top of their class with blood under his nails.
They didn’t have the same class room last year, which was nice. Out of sight out of mind works well for Jimin, but apparently he’s meant to be tortured on this, their final year of high school. Not only will he have to see Jungkook in dance class, but apparently he’ll see him every day here too. Oh joy.
Jungkook has chosen the desk right behind the one Jimin wants. There’s a very good chance he did it on purpose since he seems to love getting under Jimin’s skin. Jimin hesitates in the doorway, trying to decide if he wants to make a fuss about it, or just pick a different desk. It doesn’t take long for his stubborn streak to override everything else. That’s his desk, and if Jungkook wants to try and make his last year harder, then well. Bring it on.
Jimin walks over to the desk he wants, the one with Jungkook’s feet propped up on it, and kicks the chair out from under Jungkook’s legs. Jungkook startles awake, eyes flying open and landing on Jimin.
“Jimin-ssi!” Jungkook says annoyingly, his mouth turning up into a smirk. “You’re late.”
Once upon a time, Jungkook had asked Jimin if he could call him hyung, and in a fit of pettiness, Jimin had refused. Instead of getting mad, or irritated, or even hurt, Jungkook had used it as an opportunity to be even more tiresome by adopting the overly formal Jimin-ssi to call him, always said in a sing-song and mocking tone.
“Can’t you find another seat?” Jimin asks, annoyed. “You know this is the one I prefer.”
“I know,” Jungkook says, stretching his legs out and wrapping his ankles around the chair Jimin kicked so he can maneuver it back into place. “That’s why I was so nice and picked the one behind you instead. I knew you would want this one.”
He smiles beautifically. Everything about Jungkook’s face is beautiful, which is just another way he’s very horrible. At ten, he’d been scrawny with a terrible haircut and eyes and nose too big for his face. Now, he’s… gorgeous. Jimin hates it, but he can’t deny it.
Jungkook’s gotten tall. He kept growing long after Jimin stopped, shooting up past Jimin’s measly 173 cm (rounding up!) a couple of years ago. He’s grown into his nose and his eyes, let his hair grow out to his chin, wearing it wavy and loose around his face. Jimin assumes he’s working out when Jimin is studying because he’s also gotten ridiculously built in the last couple of years.
His arms, thighs, and shoulders are… a lot. Not that Jimin is looking. He’s not looking.
“Can we not do this?” Jimin snaps, zoning back in from his little trip down ‘Jungkook is hot’ lane. “I just want a peaceful resolution to our senior year! Go sleep in the back of class and absorb the lessons through osmosis the way you always do.”
“Are you saying I’m naturally brilliant, Jimin-ssi? Are you impressed by my massive brain power? My natural prowess at --,” Jungkook waggles his eyebrows suggestively and leans in closer to Jimin as he whispers, “maths?”
Jimin gives up. Like he always does. When Jungkook is determined to be a pest he will be a pest and there is nothing anyone can do about it. He throws his bag down next to his chair and throws himself dramatically into it, placing his head in his hands as Jungkook’s cute laughter rings out behind him.
~~~~
“There will be a pairs project,” Jimin’s teacher, Mr. Lee, announces to the groans of the whole class. He holds up his hands and continues, “It’s important to learn to work with others. The world is wide and the people in it varied. Learning to get along and work with team members is one of the most important lessons you can take with you to college.”
One of the students next to Jimin, a pretty girl with a bright pink pen, puts her hand in the air.
“No,” Mr. Lee says without even calling on her. “You cannot pick your own partners.”
The whole class groans again as Mr. Lee goes to his laptop and pulls up a list that projects onto the classroom wall for everyone to see. Jimin’s heart sinks when he sees his name and Jungkook’s side by side.
Mr. Lee begins reading off the list, but Jimin isn’t listening, his brain too full of white noise as he panics his way through every terrible scenario he can think of. Jungkook taking all of the credit, or Jungkook refusing to do any of the work, or Jungkook insisting his ideas are better and refusing to let Jimin participate equally.
“Well this should be interesting,” Jungkook says behind him, his mouth entirely too close to Jimin’s ear. Jimin sees why when he whips around and finds himself almost nose to nose with Jungkook who is leaning over his desk into Jimin’s space with an amused smirk on his face.
Jimin hates him. He hates how entertaining he seems to find all of this when Jimin feels like he’s a moment away from a full on panic attack. All of this matters to him in a way it’s obviously never mattered to Jungkook.
“If you screw this up for me,” Jimin hisses and watches as the smile slides off Jungkook’s face and he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “I know everything just falls in your lap or whatever,” Jimin continues. “But I work hard for my grades! I need to do well on this.”
“Jimin-ssi, Jungkook-ssi, project talk can wait until assignments have been handed out and classes are over for the day. You’re both on my time and I expect you to pay attention,” Mr. Lee interrupts.
Jimin’s face floods with embarrassment and he turns forward, apologizing to Mr. Lee with a small bow. Mr. Lee nods back and continues, “The project will focus on generational disparity. I want you to pick a topic where a generation gap exists. In other words, something that you see differently than your parents' generation and which they may see differently than your grandparents’ generation. Then you will present a hypothesis as to why you believe this gap exists and support your hypothesis with scholarly sources. The topic is completely up to you so long as it adheres to the generational disparity requirement. If you have a question about whether or not your topic idea fits, you may submit it via email for my opinion.”
Jimin takes a deep breath and begins to focus on the project hand out, trying his best to push Jungkook to the back of his mind, but he swears he can feel Jungkook’s eyes burning a hole in the back of his head for the rest of class.
~~~~
Jimin doesn’t wait to talk to Jungkook. He hooks his hand through the strap of his bag a full 30 seconds before they get the okay to leave and practically runs from the building. It’s pointless of course. A half hour later he walks up to his dance studio to find Jungkook leaning against the brick building, obviously waiting for him.
“Are you avoiding me, Jimin-ah?” Jungkook asks, and something in Jimin snaps.
He drops his bag on the ground and says, “You’re being rude. I’m still older than you.”
“Jimin-ssi then,” Jungkook shrugs. “You’re the one who made it weird by refusing to let me call you hyung.”
“We’re not close!” Jimin practically yells. “We don’t even like each other.”
Jungkook stills against the wall, an expression on his face that Jimin can’t quite place. On anyone else it would look like hurt, but Jungkook has never looked hurt a day in his life. He’s easily the most carefree, snarky, annoying, emotionless person Jimin has ever met. Jeon Jungkook doesn’t get his feelings hurt.
“We’ve known each other for 7 years, Jimin-ssi,” Jungkook says softly. “And I know you don’t like me but I… well. I don’t dislike you, so.”
Jimin doesn’t know what to do with that. He feels guilty. But there’s also a small part of his brain hissing that he shouldn’t feel guilty. Jungkook has always treated him meanly -- teasing and poking and generally trying to be a pain in Jimin’s ass. If he doesn’t dislike him he’s had a really funny way of showing that.
“Fine,” Jimin says, still annoyed, but shamed enough to relent. They are going to be working together on this project after all. Jimin can be magnanimous sometimes. “You can call me hyung. Are you happy now?”
Jungkook does actually look happy. His whole body changes, shoulders lifting, smile lighting up his face so brightly that his big front teeth take up his entire mouth. He looks like a bunny, which Jimin doesn't want to find cute, but sort of does despite himself.
"Very happy, hyung," Jungkook says, his smile still bright.
Jimin listens for any indication that he's being mocked but doesn't hear it. Maybe things will actually be okay with the two of them working together?
The door to the studio opens and their instructor glares out at them.
"Are the two of you planning on joining the class or are we meant to wait all day for you?" she asks.
Jimin opens his mouth to apologize but Jungkook speaks up first and says, "So sorry Miss Kim, Jimin needed help with a school project."
"That's not--" Jimin starts, stomping his foot before Miss Kim interrupts him with a raised hand.
"School at school, dance at dance, everything else on your own time," she says. "Now let's get started?"
"Yes Miss Kim," Jimin says automatically.
He watches as Jungkook smirks at him and follows Miss Kim into the building, reminding him exactly why he's spent almost a decade disliking Jungkook. He can't be trusted, and if Jimin wants a good grade on their project he better not let himself forget it again.
~~~~
Jimin pushes around the noodles in his bowl and sighs. His best friend, Taehyung, raises a brow at him from across their lunch table.
“If you’re not going to eat it, give it here,” he says. “It’s got meat in it and I’m not letting it go to waste.”
Jimin sighs again and shoves the bowl across the table to Tae, watching as he digs in with his chopsticks. He’s known Tae since they were toddlers. They both grew up on the same street and were only two months apart. Jimin likes to joke that Tae, who was born on December 30th even though he wasn’t due until January, decided to show up early just so the two of them could be same age friends.
Tae shoves some noodles and beef into his mouth and nods his head at Jimin, an indication for Jimin to start talking.
“It’s Jungkook,” Jimin says, sighing yet again. “We got paired on a project for history. It’s going to be the most weighted grade for the year and I already know he’s going to be a huge pain about it.”
Talking about Jungkook with Tae is sometimes a double edged sword. Jimin considers Tae his soulmate. There’s no one on earth who understands him better than Tae does and Jimin thinks the same can be said for how much he understands Tae. But, Tae and Jungkook hit it off almost from the moment they met and have become good friends over the ensuing years. It’s always been a point of contention between them that Tae likes Jungkook so much, especially since Jimin can barely be in the same room with Jungkook without a verbal sparring match breaking out between them.
Jimin knows it makes things hard on Tae -- having to keep two of his best friends separate from each other, but Jimin doesn’t know how to fix it. At this point, it’s been going on for so long, Jimin’s not sure there is a way to fix it.
“Why would he do that?” Tae asks, mouth still full of noodles. “Isn’t he a fraction of a point behind you for head of class? He needs a good mark as much as you do.”
Jimin frowns at the mention of how close Jungkook is to taking over as head of their class. It’s volleyed between the two of them over the years, but Jimin’s held it for two years straight without fail and he’s not about to lose it now in the final stretch.
“He’s not going to be head of class,” Jimin pouts. “It’s not fair how hard I work when he just coasts by.”
Tae rolls his eyes and puts Jimin’s bowl back in front of him. “Stop being mean,” he says, picking up some meat and holding it out for Jimin to bite. “You’re too nice to be this mad about him all the time. Also eat this meat. You’re getting too skinny.”
Jimin opens his mouth obediently and takes the bite Tae offers him, chewing mechanically. He knows better than to argue with Tae about eating, even though he’s too stressed to be hungry.
There was a time a couple of years ago when Jimin really scared everyone with his dieting. His parents had almost pulled him out of dance, it was only the threat of losing the thing he loves doing most in the world that made him get the help he needed. He can’t say his relationship with food is good exactly, but he’s gotten to a place where he doesn’t view it as an enemy. He makes sure to eat enough to fuel his body, and if he still doesn’t quite get the enjoyment from food that other people do, that’s okay. With the help of his loved ones and a very good therapist, he’s getting better a little bit everyday.
“I promise I’m eating properly,” Jimin tells Tae, after he’s swallowed. “I’m just stressed out today and Jungkook is part of the reason why. He’s the mean one!”
“Eat even when you’re stressed out,” Tae says, with a shrug, holding out another bite. “And I’ve never seen him be mean to you. He just likes to tease you, probably because you react to it too much.”
“And you think it’s okay for him to tease me even when I told him I don’t like it?” Jimin asks, pushing Tae’s hand away. “Don’t take his side when you’re my best friend.”
“Oh my God, Jimin. You’re both idiots. I’ve been stuck between the two of you for our entire friendship. Do you know how frustrating it is to be friends with both of you? You want to be rivals so bad, but he likes you.”
Something about the inflection in Tae’s voice at “likes you” makes Jimin’s stomach swoop. He doesn’t know what to make of it, but this is the second day in a row someone has suggested the rivalry Jimin has with Jungkook is all in his head. It’s making him feel unsettled -- like he has some great misunderstanding of his own reality.
“Since you like him so much, why don’t you go feed him noodles,” Jimin snaps. “I’m not crazy, you know? You can’t tell me I just don’t understand him or whatever. If I don’t understand him it’s because he hasn’t made himself understood. And if he does like me, he’s had a really bad way of showing it to me all these years.”
Tae puts his hands up and says, “Okay! You’re right,” at Jimin’s outburst. “I’m going to talk to him about it. I know he really does hate how things are between you and if you have to work with him on this project wouldn’t you rather at least be civil with him?”
Jimin huffs, hating that Tae is right on this one thing. He’s not going to budge on the teasing thing. It’s not his problem if Jungkook doesn’t know how to treat people the way they want to be treated, but they are going to have to work together, and Jimin knows being at each other’s throats throughout will only give him more stress on top of an already stressful year.
“I do want that,” Jimin admits. “But I don’t like feeling like I’m the punchline of a joke, okay? Teasing isn’t supposed to make the person being teased feel bad. It’s supposed to be fun for both people involved and I’m not having fun.”
“I know, Jiminie. I don’t think he teases you any different than I do, but I get he hasn’t earned the right to it like I have.”
“Well yeah,” Jimin says. “You love me so it’s different.”
Tae gets a look Jimin can’t quite parse, before he shakes his head and says, “I’ll talk to him. I know he wants things to be better between you, so I know he’ll try.”
Jimin isn’t so sure, but Tae’s never given him any reason to doubt him. He’s not about to start now. “If you say so then I believe you,” Jimin says, pulling his now very cold bowl of noodles away from Tae and digging in.
~~~
“I guess we should meet at some point to decide what we’re doing our project on,” Jungkook says, sidling up to Jimin where he's stretching on the dance floor.
Jimin jumps, startled by Jungkook’s sudden appearance. He’d been too lost in the repetition of his cool down routine.
“You scared me!” Jimin squeaks, clutching a hand to his chest. He looks up and sees that Jungkook is freshly showered, the wet strands of his wavy black hair sticking to his face in a way that makes him look edgy and handsome in a “bad boy” kind of way. He’s wearing loose sweatpants and a black FILA hoodie, but his feet are still bare. Jimin wonders if he stopped in the middle of getting dressed to come out and speak to him.
Jungkook sticks his hand out to help Jimin up from the floor.
“Sorry, I’ll try to walk louder next time I approach you,” Jungkook says, smiling down at Jimin.
It would be rude not to take the offered hand, and Jimin’s not a stick in the mud despite what Jungkook seems to think. The whole thing is a little funny now that Jimin’s heart rate has returned to a normal rhythm.
“Thanks,” Jimin says in a teasing tone. “You nearly gave me a heart attack, but I’ll forgive you this once.”
Jungkook ducks his head and if Jimin didn’t know better he’d say that Jungkook looks a little embarrassed -- maybe even shy? Jimin has never seen him be anything but cocky and self-assured. It’s refreshing to see that he can be flustered too.
“I really did think you heard me,” Jungkook says, eyes lifting back up to meet Jimin’s. “Sorry if I scared you.”
Jimin feels unsettled by Jungkook’s sincerity. He knows Tae said he was going to talk to Jungkook, but it’s just… weird to be having a normal conversation. Jimin doesn’t know if he can trust it. There’s always a part of his brain that’s waiting for Jungkook to get a dig in somehow, but he also promised Tae he would give Jungkook a chance, so he lets his guard down a little bit.
“It’s okay,” Jimin says softly. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
Jungkook looks taken aback for a moment before he brightens, his entire face breaking out into a genuine smile -- the kind Jimin’s seen him give other people at school -- but never him. Jimin only ever gets Jungkook’s haughty smirks, or devilish grins, never this full fledged smile full of teeth and Jungkook’s cutely scrunched up nose.
“You look like a cute bunny when you smile,” Jimin says without thinking, then slaps his hand over his mouth, shocked by his own words.
Jungkook laughs again, and says, “I’ll take cute bunny over some of the other things you’ve called me in the past.”
It’s Jimin’s turn to feel shy. He knows his cheeks are pink, so he looks away, toward the locker rooms where he should be headed to shower and change before he heads home to study.
“Do you want to… I guess we should pick a day and a place to meet to talk about the project,” Jimin says, moving the topic back to more comfortable territory.
“I was thinking tomorrow? We don’t have dance and I’m off work, but I know it’s last minute, so if you have something to do we can pick a different day,” Jungkook says.
“I didn’t know you worked,” Jimin says, motioning toward the locker rooms so Jungkook will follow him. “Where do you work?”
“My parents have a restaurant. I work two weekdays and most weekends unless I have school projects to finish.”
Jimin thinks about all the times he’s thought badly about Jungkook never being in the study rooms and feels guilt settle in the pit of his stomach. It’s a harsh reminder that he’s made a lot of assumptions about Jungkook without really knowing anything about him.
“That sounds like a lot with your school responsibilities and dance,” Jimin says. “It’s hard for me just to keep dance practice and dance workshops in my schedule. I can’t imagine working too.”
They make it into the locker room and Jimin starts rustling through his gym bag, taking out his little bag of bath products and a fresh set of clothes while Jungkook says, “It’s not too bad. My parents are great and they’ve done so much for me. I don’t mind helping them when I can.”
“That’s really sweet of you,” Jimin says, nodding his head. “Does your brother help too? I think I remember Tae mentioned you have a brother.”
“He did before he graduated last year. He’s doing his military service now, so it’s even more important for me to help however I can, you know?” Jungkook asks, shrugging his shoulders. “My dad took a job here all those years ago so they could save up for their own restaurant and so my brother and I could have a chance to get into the best schools.”
Jimin smiles, thinking about how he’s known Jungkook since Jungkook was 10 and Jimin was 12 -- literally grew up right next to him for a good portion of his life, but he doesn’t actually know anything about him.
“It’s good that you have such a nice relationship with them,” Jimin says, thinking about his own tenuous relationship with his parents. He loves his parents and he knows they love him, but they don’t always understand each other very well.
They’ve reached the showers now and Jimin wishes he was already clean so he and Jungkook could keep talking. It’s a strange and new thought -- wanting to spend more time with Jungkook. Usually Jimin is counting down the seconds so he can get away from him.
“Yeah,” Jungkook says. “They’re really great. Speaking of which… they’ll both be at work tomorrow so if you wanted to come to my home to talk about the project, it would be quiet and we would have access to food.”
Jimin’s heart leaps in his chest. He knows Jungkook doesn’t mean it like that. He’s asking Jimin over to work on a project, not as a date, but he still hears Tae’s voice echoing in his ears -- “Jungkook likes you.”
“I--” Jimin starts hesitatingly but Jungkook raises his hand and says, “Or we can get a study room! I just know how serious you are about school and I am very serious about food so it seemed like a good comp--”
“Okay,” Jimin interrupts, suddenly needing to put a stop to Jungkook’s nervous rambling and his own tripping heartbeat. “We can study at your home. You’re right about me getting caught up in studying. Sometimes I forget to eat and then I have to listen to everyone lecture me, so really this is the best solution to all our problems.”
Jungkook beams at him, making Jimin’s stomach swoop once again.
“We can walk there together after classes tomorrow. I’ll let you shower now,” Jungkook says, backing out of the locker room with a tiny wave of both hands.
Cute Jimin’s mind supplies and he can only be thankful that he didn’t say it out loud. He thought this project was going to be horrible because of how hard it is to get along with Jungkook, but Jimin’s starting to suspect he should have been worried about something else entirely.
“Thanks,” Jimin says, managing to wave back. “See you tomorrow.”
He turns his back and goes into the shower, making quick work of his sweaty workout clothes and steps directly under the spray, letting the cold water pour over his head as he tries to sort out his very loud and confusing thoughts.
~~~
Jungkook’s home is nice. It’s a bit smaller than Jimin’s parent’s apartment, cozier too. It’s clean and smells of spices and the whole atmosphere puts Jimin at ease immediately. They sit on the floor, backs to the sofa and pull their laptops out and place them on the coffee table.
“Do you like background noise?” Jungkook asks. “I could put on some music.”
Jimin shakes his head and answers, “I prefer it quiet but if you need background noise that’s okay.”
“No, I’m good,” Jungkook replies. “What about food? Or a drink maybe? I think we have flavored water.”
Jimin can tell he’s nervous by the way he keeps rubbing his palms against his school slacks. It makes Jimin want to put him at ease for some reason.
“You’re being a very good host,” Jimin says smiling at Jungkook sincerely. “I’d love water. Any flavor is fine. You can pick for me.”
“I want you to be comfortable,” Jungkook says, nodding once before rushing off to the small kitchen to grab their water.
Once he’s back Jimin asks, “Do you have any ideas on topics”? The question has been sitting heavily between them since they were assigned as a pair, at least in Jimin’s head.
“I have one,” Jungkook answers, “but I don’t think you’ll like it.”
Jimin doesn’t disagree. He and Jungkook are so different. Even now when he can admit that maybe he misunderstood some of the things that he thought he knew about Jungkook, there is still no doubt in his mind that he and Jungkook approach the world very differently.
“Let’s hear it anyway,” Jimin says. “I’ll be honest with you if I don’t like it.”
Jungkook bites his bottom lip and says, “I’ve always wanted a tattoo? Or like… maybe a lot of tattoos. Like a full sleeve if I’m being honest. I follow a bunch of artists on Insta and I don’t know. Everyone is so against them. My parents are convinced I’ll be labeled a criminal if I get one and I’ll never be able to find a decent job. But I know so many people at school who want one or think they’re cool so it’s definitely a topic our generation sees differently than our parents’.”
Jimin tilts his head and says, “I’ve always wanted to get a 13 on my wrist.” He holds his right wrist up and taps his finger against the blue veins running under the thin skin there.
“Yeah?” Jungkook says. “I didn’t figure you for a tattoo person. You seem so…”
“Stuck up?” Jimin asks, his voice turning sour without him meaning for it to. “Serious? Boring? Dull?”
“I was going to say pragmatic,” Jungkook says. “And I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Why 13?”
“Sorry,” Jimin says, cheeks flushing a little at his outburst. “It’s just, I know what people say about me. Funnily enough, I want a 13 partly because I am pragmatic. You know in numerology it signifies building a solid foundation, but it can also mean the end of one struggle and rebirth. All of that really resonates with me, but also my birthday is October 13th.”
Jungkook laughs. Jimin thinks he sort of sounds like a hyena, but it’s endearing anyway.
“Don’t laugh at me!” Jimin says, hitting Jungkook in the arm. “I’m very serious here.”
Jungkook keeps laughing until he’s tired out, then he just smiles at Jimin -- his smile that reminds Jimin of a bunny -- and says, “I’m not laughing at you. You’re cute. I can’t believe you want a tattoo thought. You’re cooler than you look, Park Jimin.”
Jimin flushes and puts his hands over his cheeks to cover how red he knows they probably are. He doesn’t want to think too much about why he feels so shy around Jungkook lately.
“Well, I could have told you that a long time ago if you weren’t so busy antagonizing me all the time,” Jimin says and he hopes the teasing tone of his voice makes it clear he’s joking.
“You’re fun to antagonize,” Jungkook says back, “but I’ve been told that’s not the best way to endear myself to people.”
“Oh?” Jimin says. “Did you want to endear yourself to me?”
Jungkook’s expression changes and suddenly the mood of the whole room feels different. There’s an almost tangible quality to the air around them and Jimin can’t look away from Jungkook’s heavy stare. His heart starts beating too fast and the tips of his fingers feel numb.
“Maybe,” Jungkook says finally, his shoulders relaxing and his voice breaking the spell that had fallen over the room. “I know I definitely don’t want to fight with you anymore.”
Jimin takes a deep breath and lets it out before he says, “Well, you’re in luck today because i like your project idea. I think we should do it, so that’s one less thing we have to fight about.”
Jungkook laughs again, and Jimin thinks he could really get used to hearing it.
~~~
Two weeks later Jimin finds himself in the surreal position of sitting at a lunch table in his school cafeteria with both Taehyung and Jungkook. Jungkook is showing Tae something on his phone and Tae is laughing at it and Jimin is just sitting there like an idiot smiling at the two of them until he realizes that’s sort of creepy and goes to take a bite of the apple he brought for lunch.
Tae looks up at the crunch and asks, “Is that all you brought for lunch?”
Jimin’s eyes shift to Jungkook and then back to Tae and he says, “I ate a big breakfast.”
Jimin keeps trying to tell Tae to shut up with his eyes, but Tae’s either not getting it, or ignoring it on purpose because he keeps going.
“Oh, what did you have for breakfast then?” Tae asks, steepling his fingers under his chin.
Jimin knows he’s being a caring friend, but one of the really shitty things about living with an eating disorder is that everyone has to constantly remind him that he has an eating disorder, and sometimes he would just like to be able to enjoy an apple while sitting with his best friend and his sort-of enemy without getting too deep about what the apple means.
“I had some leftover kimchi and rice, Tae,” Jimin hisses. “Would you like to call my mother and ask her? She was sitting at the table with me this morning and can be my witness since you don’t believe me when I’m telling you the truth.”
Jimin’s furious and embarrassed even as he knows he’s overreacting at the same time, but he really wishes he could just be normal sometimes and he also doesn’t particularly want to talk about something that makes him feel extremely vulnerable in front of a person he’s not quite sure he trusts yet.
“Am I missing something?” Jungkook asks tentatively and then slams his mouth shut when Tae and Jimin both snap, “No,” at the same time.
“Okaaaay,” Jungkook says. “I’m just going to head out and let the two of you hash whatever this is out. Jimin, I’ll see you at dance practice later?”
“Yes,” Jimin says without looking away from Tae. “See you there.”
As soon as Jungkook has left Jimin says, “I can’t believe you said that in front of him. I don’t want him to know about my business.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Tae says, exasperated. “It’s just a medical condition like--
“It’s not your medical condition. It’s mine and I can decide who gets to know about it, not you. It doesn’t mean I’m ashamed!” Jimin says.
There’s a voice in Jimin’s head calling him a liar though. There is a part of him that doesn’t want Jungkook to know about his anorexia because he doesn’t want Jungkook to think he’s weak or some kind of headcase. He feels the same way about people knowing he’s in therapy. And the thing is, he knows it’s fucked up. There’s no reason to be ashamed of either thing. The therapy has helped him recover from his anorexia and being in recovery has made him a healthier, happier person.
“Sorry,” Tae says, immediately. “I didn’t think… I forget sometimes that you’re not close to him. He’s been the person closest to me after you for a long time now. I’m really happy the two of you are getting along better, but you’re absolutely right. I didn’t have any right to talk about your stuff in front of him.”
Jimin shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t want to fight about it,” he says honestly. “We’re getting along better every day and I also think it’s nice to be able to hang out together. I was always a little jealous when you would go off with him. Just. Let me tell him that stuff when I’m ready.”
Tae nods and then smiles devilishly. “I knew you were jealous. You can’t stand sharing me. You love me so much.”
“Aish, your head is so big I don’t know how your neck holds it up,” Jimin says, but he’s giggling at Tae. He really does love Tae so much. No one cares about him or supports him more, and not for the first time, Jimin wonders how hard he’s really made things for Tae about Jungkook.
“Hey,” he says seriously. “I want to say something to you for a minute. I hope you know how much I love you and how I would do anything for you if you ask. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel bad about being friends with Jungkook. I know he’s been a good friend to you and I should have appreciated that more than my own grudge against him.”
“Wow, Jimin-ah. Look how you’ve grown,” Tae says, wiping a non-existent tear from the corner of his eye.
“I’m trying to be serious!” Jimin says, laughing before he throws his wadded up napkin at Tae’s head.
Tae ducks the napkin easily and says, “I know. I love you too and I hope you know that I just worry about you. That’s why I make sure you’re eating properly. Because I care.”
“I know, and I appreciate it. But, also sometimes I just want to eat my lunch without feeling like everyone is watching me, you know? I know I scared everyone and maybe I have to earn everyone’s trust back, but I promise you I’m taking care of myself and I’m seeing my doctors and everything is ok for me right now. I haven’t felt like a normal person in such a long time. I just want to be normal again.”
It’s strange how two years ago he was harboring this huge secret, starving himself and lying to his friends and family, and working out to the point of collapsing. He was having dizzy spells and hunger pains so bad that he sometimes just curled up in bed in the fetal position and cried to try and take his mind off how much he hated his body.
But in other ways he felt more like himself back then than he does now. Hurting himself to the point of collapse had broken something between him and his parents -- between him and Tae -- and he’s not sure he’ll ever get what was lost back to how it was before.
Two years ago he and Tae were going to parties and talking about crushes. Tae was telling him about his first kiss -- something Jimin had hoped would be happening to him soon too -- but which never came to pass after his whole life became about his disorder.
“You could have died,” Tae says quietly. “I just worry about you so much. I can’t be in this world without you. I don’t want to be.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Jimin says. “I swear I’m not. Can you please just try to forgive me?”
Tae flinches like Jimin hit him. “Jimminie that’s not--”
“Isn’t it though? When’s the last time we had a sleepover at my home? When’s the last time I got an invite to one of Namjoon hyung's or Hobi hyung's parties? When’s the last time we talked about something that wasn’t school, or tests, or plans for college? When’s the last time you came to the studio to watch me dance?”
Jimin takes a deep breath and continues, ”And I’m not saying it’s your fault. I know I scared you. I lied to you, but I also lied to myself. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t well, but I’m working on it, and I need you to forgive me.”
“I forgive you,” Tae says, eyes shiny with uncried tears. “Fuck. Why did we have to do this in the middle of the day at school? Now I just want to go curl up on a sofa somewhere with you and cry and maybe pet your head.”
Jimin lets out a watery laugh and says, “I’ll take a rain check. You can come over this weekend.”
“Deal,” Tae says, “but it has to be Sunday because Saturday Namjoon hyung is having a party and we’re going, okay? I don’t want you thinking you were being excluded because no one wants you there. Everyone misses you like crazy. I think we just assumed you needed time, but we should have asked instead of assuming. Can you forgive me too?”
Jimin feels lighter than he has in so long. He didn’t even realize how much weight he was carrying on his shoulders until he felt it falling away. He wishes they could have talked about this months ago instead of letting it fester, but he guesses everything happens exactly when it’s supposed to. Destiny is funny like that.
“I’ll always forgive you. You’re my soulmate,” Jimin says, “but I’d also like to go a good little while without either of us needing forgiveness.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Tae says, and holds out his pinky.
Jimin wraps his own around Tae’s and they kiss their fists to seal the deal.
~~~
Saturday night sneaks up on Jimin. He usually spends the day studying and getting all of his class work caught up so that he can have Sunday for himself and his family. He’s been working a lot on his and Jungkook’s project as well partly because it needs to get done, but also because he finds the research really interesting.
He’s deep in a scholarly article on tattoo art in 1970s South Korea when his phone buzzes, startling him back to reality.
Jungkook’s name appears in his notifications and Jimin’s stomach does that now, very familiar swoopy thing he tries not to think about too hard.
Ru coming 2night? Tae said u were but ur not answering his txts.
Jimin looks at the little digital clock display in the left corner of his phone and is shocked to see that it’s after 9 pm already. He flips out of Jungkook’s message and goes to look at his missed messages. Sure enough, he has 5 from Tae, the last one at 8:15 with a message saying he was headed over to Namjoon hyung’s early to help get things set up.
Sry, was studying. Getting rdy now. B there in 45, he sends to Tae.
Yes. Was working on the project. Didn’t see Tae’s txts, he replies to Jungkook.
Do u want a ride? comes a few minutes later as Jimin is throwing off his sweats and sliding into dark blue skinny jeans and a white sweater that fits his curves in a way he knows will get him attention.
Jimin’s heart thumps loudly in his chest. He can hear it ringing in his ears as he sends, That would be great!, followed by his address.
I’m 15 minutes away. Will u b ready? Jungkook asks.
Yes. C U soon, Jimin answers.
He looks in the mirror and tousles his blonde hair a little to make it look messy but sexy and chews his lip for a few seconds before deciding eyeliner is not out of the question. It’s been so long since he’s gone out and he wants to look good. If there’s a little part of his mind that conjures up Junkook’s face as the reason, he tries not to think about it too hard.
Jungkook texts when he gets there asking if he should come to the door, but Jimin shoots that down fast, not wanting to have to make introductions to his parents.
“I’m meeting Tae,” he calls out as he’s slipping his jacket on. “I’ll be home later!”
“You’re going out?” his mom asks, coming out of the kitchen with a kitchen towel in one hand.
Jimin nods and goes to kiss her cheek. “I’ll be home later, okay?”
“By midnight,” his mom says, twisting the towel between her hands.
His dad comes into the entryway too and they all stare at each other for a few heavy seconds.
“It’s almost 10. There’s no point in even going if I have to be back by midnight,” Jimin says. “Since when can I not go out with Tae on a Saturday?”
Jimin’s dad holds up his hand and says, “No one said you couldn’t go out. You just haven’t gone out in a while so I think we were just surprised.”
“Isn’t it good that I’m getting back to normal?” Jimin asks. “It’s just a small party at Namjoon hyung’s family home. We’re not even going to the dorms and Tae will be there with me.”
HIs mother’s face softens and she says, “I haven’t seen Namjoon in so long. How is he doing?”
Jimin’s mom loves Namjoon, probably because he was all about studying and school before he graduated and now he’s gotten into one of the best colleges in Seoul and will probably end up being a lawyer, or a doctor, or some other profession Namjoon’s parents can brag about.
He’s always thought his mom’s crush on Namjoon was cute, but he’s also not above using it to get him out of staying home.
“He’s great!” Jimin says enthusiastically, “But I also haven’t seen him in months because of how busy we’ve both been. I was really looking forward to seeing him tonight.”
He can tell by the way his mom’s face changes that he’s won, but he still waits for her to relent just in case she changes her mind.
“Will there be drinking?” she asks.
“Yes,” Jimin says honestly. Namjoon is two years older than he is and can legally drink, so there’s nothing wrong with him having alcohol at his party and he’d promised his parents he wouldn’t lie to them anymore, no matter how hard the truth would be. He wants to keep his promise. “I won’t drink though if it makes you uncomfortable. I just want to see my friends.”
“No,” his mom says, relenting. “Thank you for being honest with us. I trust you to do the right thing. If you drink, please stay the night there or get a ride with a sober person, okay?”
Jimin kisses her cheek again and says, “I promise. I love you both!”
He slips on his shoes and rushes out the door before they can change their minds.
~~~
Jungkook drives an old Hyundai with a dent in one door, but the inside is clean and he’s a good driver from what Jimin can tell. He’s half jealous of Jungkook having his license already when Jimin’s wanted his since he turned 16.
“You look really nice tonight,” Jungkook says, giving Jimin a once over as Jimin puts his seat belt on and they roll into the street.
“Thanks, you too,” Jimin mumbles, cheeks flushing with color. He’s feeling nervous -- butterflies swirling in his stomach -- and it reminds him of how he felt the first time someone ever asked him out. He has to keep reminding himself this is not a date. Jungkook is just a sort of friend. Not really even a friend. A friend of a friend who has offered him a ride? Jimin doesn’t know what he is, but this is definitely not a date.
Jungkook does look really nice though. His hair is fluffy and wavy around his face. He’s wearing dark jeans and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He smells nice too, the spicy scent of his cologne drifting gently through the car making Jimin want to lean in a little closer.
“I can’t believe I’m older than you but you have your license and I don’t,” Jimin says, trying to change the subject from Jungkook’s compliment and his own inappropriate thoughts.
“I got it as soon as Junghyung, that’s my brother, left for the service. My parents sometimes need us to run errands for the restaurant -- pick things up and stuff -- and with him leaving I had to sort of fill the void,” Jungkook shrugs, never taking his eyes off the road.
Jimin takes a moment to look at his profile, the long line of his nose and his full bottom lip -- the little mole under his lip that he can barely see in the light coming off the dashboard -- but which Jimin knows is there even though he can’t say exactly when he gained the knowledge. Jungkook really is very beautiful. One of the benefits of their current truce is that Jimin can look at him more often than he ever allowed himself to before.
“You’re a good son,” Jimin says, thinking about his own parents and the heartache he’s caused them the last couple of years.
“I try,” Jungkook says.
When they get to Namjoon’s home Jungkook jumps out of the car and hurries around to Jimin’s side, opening the door at the same time Jimin reaches for the handle to let himself out. Jimin startles and looks at Jungkook’s outstretched hand. It feels too much like a date, something Jimin doesn’t want to think about, but he also doesn’t want to be rude, so he takes his offered hand and lets Jungkook help him from the car.
“Thank you,” Jimin whispers, the two of them standing too close together by the open door.
Jimin watches Jungkook’s face, sees his eyes flick down to Jimin’s lips and back to his eyes before they both flush and Jungkook steps away, rubbing his palms against his jeans.
“We should go in,” Jungkook says, guiding Jimin away from the car with his hand at Jimin’s back.
They get inside and Jimin immediately hears someone shout, “Jimin-ah! Jungkook-ah!”
Jimin locates the shouter and smiles when he finds Hobi waving them both over to where he’s standing with Jin and Namjoon. Jin is telling a story to Namjoon that clearly requires big hand movements and lots of yelling, but if the way Namjoon is bent over laughing is any indication, he’s enjoying it.
“Hey hyungs,” Jungkook says, leaning in to give Hobi a hug that includes some complicated handshake that Jimin doesn’t follow.
They all hug or fist bump each other in greeting and then Namjoon gives them both a once over and says, “When did this happen?”
Jimin flushes and opens his mouth to start making denials but Jungkook slings an arm over Jimin’s shoulder and says, “What do you mean? Jimin and I have always been close friends.”
“You’re matching,” Jin points out. “Are you two a couple or what?”
Jimin flushes even harder and reaches out to slap Jin’s arm. He hadn’t even thought about how they're both wearing denim and white tops and how matchy-matchy it is.
“Where’s Tae?” Jungkook asks, smoothly changing the subject. Jimin tries not to put too much weight on how neither of them denied it when Jin said they looked like a couple.
“Off trying to get Yoongi drunk enough to make out with him. Yoongi’s told him a million times it’s not happening but Tae is persistent,” Hobi says.
“I think Yoongi said it wasn’t happening before Tae graduated. That was his first mistake -- never give Taehyung any kind of opening because he will exploit it,” Jin teases, scanning the room like he’s trying to find the culprits in question.
Jungkook taps Jimin’s shoulder and nods his head toward the small kitchen at the back of the apartment. “You want a drink, Jimin hyung?” Jungkook asks.
Jimin gnaws on his bottom lip and says, “Sure but I can’t -- I promised my parents I wouldn’t drive with anyone who drinks tonight so I’ll have to crash on Namjoon hyung’s sofa or call a cab if we’re doing this.”
“How about I get you a drink and I stick to some sparkling water?” Jungkook says, steering them both toward the kitchen.
“Oh I don’t want to ruin your night,” Jimin says. “I don’t mind getting a cab.”
Jungkook plucks a peach flavored water from an open cooler and twists the cap off to take a small sip.
“Ah,” he says. “So refreshing. What will you have? They have beer, white wine, which I would bet a million won someone brought for Tae, and soju.”
Jimin’s palms feel unbearably sweaty. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. Usually he’s great at parties. He’s never met a stranger he couldn’t find something to talk about with, but being with Jungkook. Having Jungkook’s attention. Is really doing something to his nerves.
He grabs a red solo cup and pours the equivalent of two servings of soju and downs it in one quick gulp. Then he fills his cup again and sips slower.
“Okay, then,” Jungkook says, a smirk lifting the corners of his mouth. “Are you going to get wild on me, hyung?”
“Let’s dance,” Jimin says, grabbing Jungkook around the arm. He already feels the liquor burning it’s way down his throat and into his stomach. He knows in a matter of minutes his face will get flush and his skin will get tingly. He’s always been a bit of a lightweight, and he hasn’t had anything to drink in a while. He hasn’t been drunk in even longer.
Jungkook lets himself be dragged onto the floor. The music is upbeat -- base thumping so that bodies are jumping around the floor. It doesn’t feel too intimate, just like they’re two people dancing with 10 or 15 of their closest friends.
The apartment is really packed now. Namjoon has clearly picked up a lot of new friends in college, but this is definitely a bigger crowd than he thought it was going to be. Jimin feels everyone start to press in on the part of the living area they’ve designated for dancing. He downs the last of the soju in his cup and suddenly the music changes to something slow and thrumming.
Jimin starts to turn away, but Jungkook grabs his hips and pulls him in closer, his body going on autopilot as they start to sway together. Jimin’s hands go up to Jungkook’s shoulders like they have a mind of their own. Jimin takes in every detail. The firmness of Jungkook’s shoulders, the soft material of his shirt, the way their bodies are pressed together. Jimin feels the heat of Jungkook’s body, smells the spicy cologne at his neck, and watches -- mesmerized -- as Jungkook’s tongue comes out to lick over his bottom lip.
“Jimin-ah,” Jungkook says softly and suddenly Jimin snaps back into his own body, mind clearing.
“It’s hyung,” Jimin says, pushing away and stumbling his way through the bodies to get to the kitchen.
He drinks two more gulps of soju and downs an entire beer, leaning against the kitchen counter while he tries to catch his breath. What the hell is he doing?
He hears his name and looks up to see an old classmate who graduated last year.
“You okay Jimin-ah? I called your name two times,” Minji says looking at him with concern in her eyes.
“Sorry,” Jimin says. “Got lost in my own thoughts for a second. You look good. Have you been well?”
Jimin can hear the slur in his own voice. He’s definitely had too much too fast. It’s the kind of drunk that comes on all at once. The kind of drunk when you drink faster than your body can catch up with the feeling of how drunk you are -- so that when it finally happens it slams into you hard and overwhelms you.
“I’m well, thank you,” Minji says, completely unaware of Jimin starting to panic next to her. “You look great. So healthy.”
There’s a way she says the word “healthy” that sends Jimin over the edge. He lets out a high keening laugh and slides down the cabinets onto the kitchen floor, tucking his head between his legs to try and catch his breath.
“Oh no,” Minji says, crouching down. “What can I do?”
Jimin can’t catch his breath. He thinks he might be having a panic attack. “Can you find Tae?” he asks and is relieved when Minji stands up and immediately sets off to find him.
He doesn’t know how much time passes, but eventually someone is crouching down next to him and putting a cool towel on the back of his neck.
“Jimin hyung, it’s Jungkook,” Jungkook says softly. “Minji’s still looking for Tae, but no one has seen him or Yoongi since before we got here. Tell me what I can do for you. Do you want me to take you home?”
Jimin shakes his head vehemently. He can’t go home like this. His parents would freak out.
“I need air,” Jimin says and before he’s even gotten the words out, Jungkook has an arm under his legs and back and is physically lifting him off the floor bridal style. No one really pays them any mind as Jungkook navigates the party goers. They make their way out of the apartment and to the elevator and it’s only then that Jungkook sets Jimin back on his feet.
He pulls Jimin to his side and murmurs, “I’ve got you,” with an arm wrapped around Jimin’s waist. Jimin gives in, resting his head against Jungkook’s firm chest and closes his eyes.
Once they’re down stairs they walk to the car, Jungkook’s arm still firmly supporting him and Jimin lets himself be manhandled into the passenger seat. Jungkook puts Jimin’s seatbelt on and then walks to the other side of the car, strapping himself in before he rolls down the windows and starts to drive. Jimin lets the breeze wash over him, cooling and drying his sweaty skin.
“I drank too much too fast,” Jimin says softly once he’s gotten himself a little more under control. “I might need to throw up.”
Jungkook steers them down a side street and pulls into a small park. There’s a swing set and a merry-go-round and a set of rusted monkey bars. Jimin lets himself out of the car before Jungkook makes it around and proceeds to throw up in the dirt by the car.
He’d be embarrassed if he wasn’t still kind of drunk and queasy. He hears Jungkook approaching finally and turns to look at him.
“Sorry,” Jimin says. “This is really embarrassing.”
“I’ve been there,” Jungkook says and hands him a half empty bottle of water.
Jimin opens it and sips it. It’s warm, clearly has been sitting in Jungkook’s car for who knows how long, but Jimin is still thankful for it. He takes a few more sips and then swishes some around in his mouth and spits it out.
“Thank you,” he says. They both start to walk to the little park. Jimin reaches the swings first and sits on one of them, Jungkook taking one right next to him. “How did you know about this place?”
“Tae hyung and Namjoon hyung and I used to come here when Namoon hyung was still in school. We’d steal his parents beer and come drink here. It’s only a 10 minute walk from Namjoon hyung’s place,” Jungkook says.
“I forget you have this whole history with them I don’t know anything about. I missed so much being a jerk,” Jimin says.
“I was a jerk too,” Jungkook says and laughs when Jimin answers, “Yeah, you were.”
“Hey!” Jungkook says, still laughing. “I’m trying to be less of one these days.”
“You’re doing well,” Jimin says. “But I can’t help but wonder why you’re doing well.”
Jungkook doesn’t say anything. They both swing a little, toes dragging across the dirt.
“Let’s play a game,” Jungkook says finally. “You tell me two true things and one lie and if I can guess which is the lie, you have to answer a question honestly. Then we’ll swap.”
Jimin’s heart trips in his chest. He’s too drunk for this. He feels too honest, but he hears himself say, “Okay. I start?”
“Yeah,” Jungkook says.
“I don’t actually need glasses, I just wear them because I think I look cute. Two years ago I got accepted into the School of Performing Arts for dance but I turned it down. Blue is my favorite color.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes and says, “The thing about art school is the lie.”
“Wrong,” Jimin says. “I do actually need glasses. Whenever I don’t have them I’m wearing contacts. Can’t see two feet in front of me without them.”
Jungkook stops swinging and looks at Jimin until Jimin lifts his head and their eyes meet. “Why would you ever pass up art school?”
“Hmm,” Jimin says. “I could answer, but unfortunately you didn’t guess right, so I don’t have to.”
Jungkook lets out a frustrated noise and looks up at the sky.
“Fine, it’s my turn,” he says. “My IQ is 128. My favorite color is also blue. The car I drive used to belong to my brother.”
“Your favorite color is black,” Jimin says.
“How did you--”
“Tae mentioned it once in conversation and I remember because I told him that it was nice you could color coordinate with your soul,” Jimin says, hiding his smile behind his hand.
“Wow,” Jungkook says, looking incredulous. “Tell me how you really feel.”
Jimin giggles and says, “Now you have to answer a question honestly, right? Those are the rules?”
“Yeah,” Jungkook says, swallowing. “Go ahead.”
“Why have you always been so mean to me and why did you suddenly stop?”
Jungkook inhales sharply and they stare at each other for a moment that seems to stretch on and on. The only sounds are the squeak of the swingset and the breeze rustling through the trees.
“Because I was a dumb kid,” Jungkook says, looking down at his feet dragging across the dirt. “And I didn’t know how to handle how much I wanted to hold your hand from the minute I saw you.”
Jimin laughs nervously and says, “You were ten.”
“Yeah,” Jungkook says. “I think I’ve wanted to kiss you since I was fourteen. Maybe even before that even though I still thought kissing was gross. I would think about kissing you and it didn’t seem like it would be so bad.”
“Are you fucking with me right now?” Jimin asks. His heart is beating so fast and he realizes all at once how devastated he’s going to be if this is some kind of joke. He doesn’t know exactly when it happened but he wants Jungkook’s words to be true so badly.
“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Jungkook says. “I know I’ve been really terrible. Ten year old me thought pulling the hair of the boy I liked would get me his attention, and I guess I was right. But I got all the wrong kind of attention and the longer it went on the more I couldn’t figure out how to stop it. I really like you so much Jimin-hyung.”
“Oh my God,” Jimin says, hiding his face in the palms of his hands.
“Hey,” Jungkook says, hitting him lightly on the arm. “I’m being very vulnerable here! You could say something back.”
Jimin shakes his head. He feels -- insane. His whole body feels like it wants to float away. Jungkook likes him. Jungkook. Likes. Him. Jungkook, who is literally the most beautiful person Jimin has ever seen. Jungkook who is good at everything without even trying. Brilliant, smart, infuriating Jungkook likes him.
“Ask me something and I’ll tell you the truth,” Jimin says. “A confession for a confession.”
Jungkook tilts his head up like he’s thinking and says, “Why is being the best so important to you? Especially when you could have gone to one of the most prestigious performing arts schools in Seoul and you turned it down.”
Jimin feels queasy. He promised Jungkook the truth, but there’s a small part of him that knows once it’s out there, Jungkook will never look at him the same again. Even if he doesn’t think it’s bad necessarily, it will still be a piece of him that Jungkook will know and he can never unknow it.
“Do you remember a few years ago when I missed a week of school because of a death in the family?” Jimin asks, taking a deep breath as Jungkook nods. “Well, that was a lie. I was in the hospital because I collapsed at dance class. I’d been --”
Jimin takes another deep breath, twisting his hands together. “I’m anorexic,” Jimin says quickly. “I was starving myself for months leading up to the collapse. I’d lost a ton of weight, but you know people love that. It was all ‘Oh you look so elegant, Jimin. Your face is so thin, Jimin. Whatever diet you’re doing, keep it up, Jimin.’ I was literally killing myself and getting complimented the whole way.”
“Jimin you don’t have to--”
“No,” Jimin says, cutting Jungkook off. “I want to tell you. I’m scared you’ll change your mind about liking me, but I want to tell you if you’ll hear it.”
“Of course,” Jungkook says. “And I won’t change my mind.”
Jimin hopes that’s true. He really wants it to be true.
“After I got out of the hospital, my parents got me a therapist. I’m lucky. A lot of my parent’s generation don’t believe in them, but mine are really great about that at least. But they were also really worried about me, especially with dance. With all the focus on weight and body they-- wanted me to give it up. They thought there was no way I could do it and maintain my recovery. I don’t think they really understand what dance means to me. Even now they don’t get it. It’s all I ever wanted to do in life, but they don’t see it as a viable career. I knew if they made me give it up I would spiral. It’s real-- It’s my safe space. It’s the place I feel most like myself. In the end I agreed to give up art school if they would let me continue with dance here. They agreed they would let me, but only if I could handle the pressure of keeping my grades up and dance and my recovery. So I push myself. I want to prove to them that I can do both. I can get into a good college with my grades, but I can also get into a good arts college with my dance.”
They’re both quiet for a minute and then Jungkook says, “But you’re ok now? You’re recovered?”
Jimin shakes his head. He wishes it were that simple. He wishes it was like a cold that he could drink some tea and get some rest and feel better.
“It’s not really like that,” Jimin says. “I think about it kind of like people who have drinking problems? Only it’s kind of worse in a way because I can never just give up food. I’m always going to struggle with it. I hate my body a lot of the time and I hate my relationship with food a lot of the time, but I have coping mechanisms now and a good support system. I’m healthy right now, but there’s always a chance that something will set me off one day and I won’t be.”
Jungkook reaches over and takes his hand, squeezing hard once and then they’re silent again as they swing gently, their hands linked between them.
“I don’t know what to say,” Jungkook says finally. “Except that I think you’re exceptionally strong and that I still like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone in my whole life.”
Jimin feels his eyes sting. He’s not going to cry, but it’s a near thing. “I like you too,” Jimin says softly.
“I know me telling you this isn’t going to fix you and maybe it makes things worse. If it does, you can tell me and I won’t mention it again even though I’m thinking about it pretty much all the time, but I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I like your eyes and the way they turn up when you smile even though you hardly ever smile at me. I like your laugh and how you fall over when you think something is really funny. I like your hands and I like the way you move when you dance. I like the freckles across your nose and cheeks. I like your lips and I’d really like to kiss you if you will let me.”
Jimin lets the breath out he’s been holding and tugs on Jungkook’s hand where they’re still joined until Jungkook gets the hint and gets up off his swing to come stand in front of Jimin.
“It doesn’t make things worse,” Jimin says as he looks up at Jungkook’s beautiful face. “And I will let you.”
Jungkook pushes on the chains of the swing, moving Jimin back until he’s high enough for Jungkook to stand between his legs. He settles Jimin against him, Jimin’s thighs wrapped around Jungkook’s slim hips.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Jungkook says, and Jimin answers by tipping his head up and closing his eyes.
Jungkook’s lips are warm and perfect. He cups Jimin’s face with both of his hands and pulls Jimin in closer. There’s a fluttery sort of nervousness in Jimin’s chest and a horrifying moment when he thinks he’s going to laugh against Jungook’s mouth, but Jungkook tips him back in the swing just a bit, changing the angle of the kiss, and suddenly the nervousness is gone.
Their mouths move together and it’s perfect. Jimin’s hands find their way into Jungkook’s hair and they kiss and kiss, short biting nips followed by Jungkook sliding their tongues together so slowly and for so long that when they finally break apart they both have to drag air into their lungs.
“I want to take you out,” Jungkook says, kissing along Jimin’s jaw. “I want to buy you flowers and go to the next dance with you and hold your hand in the hall. I want to ask you to date me so bad, Park Jimin.”
Jimin buries his head against Jungkook’s chest, feeling flushed and overwhelmed and so, so happy.
“If it makes it any easier,” Jimin says, “I’m going to say yes.”
~~~
Epilogue:
Jimin glances up nervously at the door when it opens. He’s been done for half an hour now, just waiting for Jungkook to finish. They’d decided to do this together -- a graduation celebration of sorts. A way of congratulating themselves on being first (Jimin of course) and second (Jungkook obviously because he can be good at everything except besting Park Jimin) in their graduating class.
“Let me see,” Jimin says immediately and Jungkook laughs, pulling gently on his shirt sleeve to show Jimin the tattoo that now sits on the underside of his forearm. It’s a tiger lily, Jungkook’s birth flower, and underneath it the words PLEASE LOVE ME run through in loopy text.
Jimin turns his wrist up to show Jungkook the delicate 13 scrawled there.
“Looks beautiful, baby,” Jungkook says, lifting Jimin’s wrist to his lips and kissing softly.
The tattooist makes an affronted noise behind them and Jimin smiles sheepishly at him. Kissing fresh tattoos is probably frowned upon for obvious reasons.
“If it gets infected I’m blaming you,” Jimin says, but he gets it. He already wants to run his lips all over Jungkook’s tattoo. He can’t wait until it heals.
“I was kissing it better!” Jungkook says, taking Jimin’s hand as they finish paying and head out together. “I’m already planning my next one. I can tell this is going to be addictive.”
“And expensive,” Jimin says. “You better start saving up.”
“I want Nirvana lyrics here,” he says, tapping the topside of his forearm. “What about you?”
“I don’t know yet,” Jimin says. “Maybe something big across my ribs?”
Jungkook stops and looks at him, eyes going hooded and dark as he runs his hand over Jimin’s torso. “Baby,” he groans. “Why would you put that image in my head.”
Jimin slaps him away, laughing and says, “It’s what you deserve.”
Jungkook grabs him back, twisting their fingers together again. They walk quietly for a long time, enjoying the fleeting summer before they have to go to university and start the hustle of balancing work and study and one another again
“When I ask you to marry me,” Jungkook says out of nowhere, “I’m going to get your initials on my ring finger right here.” He lifts their intertwined hands and lays a kiss over their knuckles.
Jimin’s breath catches in his chest. It’s way too soon to think about marriage. They haven’t even been dating a full year, but Jimin’s the kind of person who builds a strong foundation. He’s not afraid to start a new addition because ultimately he knows the house he’s building will end up exactly how it was meant to be.
“If it makes it any easier,” Jimin says with a soft smile. “I’m going to say yes.”
FIN