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Will hadn’t given much thought to the afterlife while he was alive, but he had never held many hopes about making it to the pearly gates. Too much blood on his hands for that. So, waking up in a fiery pit didn’t come as much of a shock to the man. The fact that he also woke up completely naked was probably the biggest surprise. Fortunately, the sensation of flames eating away at his constantly replenishing flesh quickly erased any hint of embarrassment that he might have felt. Now, burning alive for all eternity certainly wasn’t a pleasant sensation by any means, but after spending enough time in the fire the pain had dulled considerably.
Even eternity in a flaming pit got to be a boring prospect if one was left there for too long without any change of pace. That was why every so often a horde of demons would come in to drag away anyone that seemed to be getting too comfortable for their liking off to some other section of Hell to get a fresh dose of pain and punishment. This had only happened to Will once and the trip was a much shorter one than he had imagined it should have been.
One day he had been conversing with a man that had been exceptionally cruel to his employees when a sharp pain in his shoulder jolted Will out of the conversation. He was just as quickly pulled backwards and dragged out by a rather large and unattractive creature that had speared him through the shoulder with it’s large talons. After much yanking and smacks on the head, Will was brought to a very elaborate torture chamber where he spent the next few bouts of consciousness finding out just how painful a rack really was.
But, just as quickly as he was moved in, Will was returned to the pits he had originated from. He woke up one day to find the large demon surrounded by several even larger and less pleasing looking demons that were arguing in a language that reminded Will of the sound of nails on a chalkboard. While he couldn’t make out the details, the creatures gestured to Will enough for him to gather that he was the subject of conversation. Eventually he was removed from the rack and returned (gently this time) to the fire. He had not been bothered since.
That was why suddenly being prodded out of the flames by a small troupe of average sized demons with spears came as a shock to the man. He was lead out and onto a large stone path that seemed to stretch forward into oblivion. A few light pokes to his side told him which way he needed to go and Will wasn’t about to argue with them. They set off on their journey and Will took in the sites as best he could.
Aside from the lakes of fire and torture areas, Will spotted a frozen waste where the people were turned into moving statues of ice, a wooded zone where humans were hunted by hounds and ripped to shreds only to have the process repeat again, and a rather large group of televangelists trapped in a very small space and forced to hear all of their sermons blared back at them simultaneously.
Eventually, Will and his escorts reached what he assumed was the end of their walk. Standing before Will was a tall and imposing black castle that stretched up farther than he could see and had proportions that should not have been possible to obtain without the entire structure collapsing on itself. Will was led up the smooth steps and into the castle. Everything within seemed to be well cared for and meticulously organized as Will was led down hall after hall before finally being brought to a stop before one of the many ornate doors. As if on command, it opened and Will was quickly ushered inside by the suddenly frightened demons who all but ran away as soon as he was inside. A large table stood before Will, full of hundreds of different types of food and drink. His stomach decided to alert him to the fact that he hadn’t had so much as a crumb since arriving here, prompting a chuckle from the very familiar looking figure at the head of the table.
“Hello, Will.”
Goddammit. “Why am I not surprised to see you here, Doctor Lecter?”
The deceased Chesapeake Ripper sat before Will looking just as immaculate and well groomed as he had the day they first met. It was a stark contrast to the gaunt and aged man Will had seen in a cell shortly before his death. Hannibal got up and slowly walked over to Will, taking in every part of the man standing before him. Will didn’t care enough to try and cover himself, the bastard would have already committed his genitals to memory with the first glance anyway.
Only once he was standing in front of Will did the man try to engage him in conversation.“Did you enjoy the view on the walk over? I’ve always found the ice oddly relaxing.”
Smalltalk. Will had thought that he had finished talking about the weather with people when he died, but apparently he wasn’t that lucky. “So who’d you make a deal with to get this for a punishment? Or is this for me?” Being tormented by the man that made his life a living hell down in literal Hell just seemed like overkill. The good doctor had to be behind this somehow. “I never took you as a man to make deals with demons, but I’ve been wrong before.”
That got a chuckle out of Hannibal. “Oh I would never lower myself to their ranks. In fact, I am the one that they bring their deals to.”
The pieces clicked together in Will’s mind and he couldn’t stop his mouth from falling open in shock. “You’re Satan? The Satan?”
“That is correct.” The fallen angel replied as if they were discussing the weather rather than revealing himself as the root of all evil.
“No way in Hell.”
“An odd choice in phrasing considering our current location.” Hannibal responded with a slight upturn of his lips. Will was decidedly less amused by the unintentional pun.
“But you were on Earth. I shot you! Why would the Devil let himself get shot?”
“One can only stand so much monotony in Hell before the desire to leave and find new playthings emerges. That wasn’t the first time I decided to play human and it won’t be the last.”
Will took a calming breath before speaking again. “Ok, you’re Satan. I’ll accept that. I’ve been told stranger things. What am I doing here?”
“I would have thought that your actions on Earth made that abundantly clear.” The Prince of Lies had a smug grin on his face now as he watched the human before him grow progressively more upset with him.
“Not Hell.” Will replied in a testy voice. “Why am I in your dining room?”
“Ah yes. One should always specify when dealing with members of the underworld. It’s so easy to alter open-ended phrases.” He paused before answering Will’s question. “You are here because I find myself lacking in company and have decided to extend an invitation to join me here.”
“If all you’re offering me is more time with you, I think I’ll go back to the lake of fire.” Will turned around to leave only to find Hannibal suddenly standing between himself and the door. He barely managed to stop himself from doing a double take to see if there was a second version behind him.
The Hannibal in front of Will took the momentary confusion as an opportunity to reason with him.“Wouldn’t you like to wear clothes? I imagine you feel a bit chilled right now with nothing but your stubble to keep you warm.”
“You’re bribing me with pants?” Will said with a scoff. “I expected a slightly more persuasive argument from the Devil.”
“You would also be given free reign over my humble home as well as the ability to command my demons. Within reason of course. You would be fed and suffer no more pain so long as you remained here.”
“And what do you get out of this?” Will asked as he crossed his arms. Nothing could possibly be that simple with Hannibal.
“Must I gain something? Do you truly believe me incapable of altruistic behavior?” Hannibal replied, managing to sound remarkably kind yet offended at the accusation. Will wasn’t taken in by the act.
“Well, considering that you are quite literally the Devil, I’m going to say that you are incapable of doing something out of the kindness of your heart.”
Satan gave a small nod in response, as if he were agreeing with the statement. “What I gain is some intelligent conversation.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“But I am. You know that I’m the source of all evil and corruption in the world, yet you still speak to me as you did on Earth. None of my subordinates here would dare speak to me as you do out of fear for what I might do. And I already know that there are no mortals in my care that I would wish to converse with. I desire nothing more than the pleasure of your company and the brilliance of your mind.”
Oddly enough, Will could detect nothing but sincerity from the father of all lies. It was almost enough to make him feel flattered and not concerned that he had become a continued source of obsession for the root of all evil. “And how long are we looking at for this deal?”
“All of eternity.”
“I’m not sure you’ll find me quite so charming after a few centuries.”
“You underestimate yourself, William.” Hannibal said with nothing but honesty in his voice.
“And what if I were to want out of this deal a few thousand years down the road?” Will imagined that he already knew the answer to that question, but he needed to ask it.
“What is the phrase you humans use? It’s all or nothing, William. Will you be staying or should I let my associates finally have their way with you?”
The lax treatment by the demons finally made sense. They didn’t want to upset the boss by hurting his favorite. Will wasn't exactly eager to see what would happen to him if they were given permission to do any real damage to him. “That seems like kind of a one sided deal. Live in a comfortable Hell or get the full experience.”
“I never claimed that it was a fair deal. Devils don’t make fair offers.” A carefully manicured hand was extended. “Do we have a deal?”
There was a long pause as Will thought it over. “Ah what the Hell,” he said before taking Hannibal’s hand. “I’ve made deals with plenty of devils before, what’s one more?”
An unnaturally large grin broke out on Hannibal’s face at Will’s acceptance of his offer. “Very well, now let’s have a proper meal before I give you a grand tour of your new home.”