Chapter Text
The night was silent, save the waves lapping at the dock. The sea salt hung heavily in the air, and the streets below him were uncharacteristically quiet. From his perch above the buildings he had a Birdseye view of it all.
{{who are you Batman?}}
[[ha! You wish!]]
“Please! I’m cooler then that.” Deadpool squawked.
{{doubtful.}}
Deadpool stood in a swift movement. He ignored the comments and dropped onto the next building. The folks around there were privy to the drug den. They avoided the docks like the plague.
Quietly he stalked up the side of the roof until he came to a flattened top. He power slid on his knees to the sky light, caught himself on the latch and looked down. The abandoned warehouse wasn’t so abandoned after all.
[[Called it!]]
A hulking, sharply dressed crime boss ordered men to inspect the goods. Two stories above the shady deal, Deadpool stood to his full height. He Jumped, and both his feet slammed down on the glass. With a thud.
[[Wait, that’s not the right sound.]]
“Nope! I was expecting a SMASH, pang! POW!!” The group below froze in place, in unison they turned to face the ceiling. Deadpool jumped down on the glass again.
“This wasn’t part of the Plan!” Deadpool yelled, he frantically bashed his heel down on the glass. The thugs whipped out their guns and fired. The first shots missed, a few connected, and that was enough shock to break the glass. It sent Deadpool falling unceremoniously down on top of them.
{{I was expecting as much.}}
“Hate to drop in unannounced! But the party has arrived!!” His pistol connected with the thugs temple and BANG he was a crumpled mess on the floor.
[[please you looove to drop in unannounced. Don’t lie]]
Someone shot him in the hip then shoulder. He took the third shot directly in his palm, held the gun, and before the guy even realized his mistake, twisted both their arms at an awkward angle. He grabbed the thug’s hand on the trigger with his uninjured one. And shot three more guys through his hand hole.
[[unannounced is like, the only way you drop by cause no one sane would invite you in.]]
The guy struggled so hard it started to mess up his aim on the fourth criminal. So instead he twisted his arm up and back and shot the welder I between the eyes. He went for his own pistols, twirled swiftly, and killed two more. Wild West style.
“I gots two guns! One for each of ya!” He yelled. Held the smoking guns upright then blew them off. No one noticed the theatrics. too busy pointing fingers at the other side, wondering who called in the Calvary.
{{That’s an oddly specific quote for you.}}
“Got a thing against ol Clinty?”
[[something got stuck tombstone in your head?]]
Right. Deadpool spun on the spot. He made out tombstones giant retreating form. Tombstone moved towards the exit. He put men between himself and the danger like they were cannon fodder.
“Oh not on my fucking watch!” He ran at the crime boss. Firing blindly ahead of him. He took out two guys, but wasted a clip. He slammed the guns down and reloaded them like he was freaking kickass and this was his beautiful vengeful moment.
He was closing in, he could make out the shot. He tensed his fingers ready to fire. And got hit hard in the face with something. It flipped him mid air, and his head collided with the cement. When he tried to move his arms he found they were glued awkwardly to his chest and back. He didn’t even try to struggle.
{{It’ll ware off in a hour anyway.}}
“Oh c’mon guys, didn’t anyone ever tell you to say no to drugs.” A pause “oh. Oh god. this wasn’t apart of the plan.” His voice went from jovial to grossed out and disappointed. It was a strange pitch drop. There was also a strange drop in deadpool’s stomach but he ignored that.
[[That’s hunger I think.]]
Ignored it. Spider-Man made quick work tying down the baddies, uncharacteristically quiet. Through the webs half covering his mask he saw other poor souls in the same or worse positions.
“Look the cops will be here any minute. So you guys are done. take this time
To reflect on your actions, maybe stop this crime thing while you can… if you still can.” Deadpool could just make out Spider-Man’s form as he turned away from the dead body in front of him. Spider-Man moved to close up the drug crates. Then someone yelled.
“It was a clean deal!”
“Yeah!” someone else chimed in. Shit nope. Time to go. Like a majestic caterpillar wade started to scooch away. He hit his face hard on the concrete each time. There was a chorus of more complaints but Wade didn’t stick around to hear them.
“Till he showed up!” Deadpool stopped. Pushed his face to the side and glared at the thug beside him. The guy had one arm free, and used it to point Wade out.
Once he was out of these webs he was going to break that arm.
[[pfft if you get out of them in time.]]
“ssshuddup!” There was no reply. Not to the thug or Deadpool. Just the sound of sneakers slowly approaching around the crates. Deadpool rolled onto his back and crunched until he got into a full sitting position. Just as Spider-Man rounded the corner.
“Baby boy! Fancy seeing you here!” Deadpool greeted joyfully.
“Deadpool. I should have known.” It was curt. It wasn’t happy. “What are you doing here? In the middle of a crime scene.” It wasn’t a question.
“Funny you should ask that… you see I went for a stroll, was taking in the beautiful fall air, when I heard noises from this here abandoned building!” Deadpool leaned forward, craned his neck to look up at his hero “and me! Being the good Samaritan I am ran in to stop the senseless violence!” Spider-Man crossed his arms and glared.
“No he fucking didn’t!”
“Yea! Wes was minding OURS business and he-“ Spider-Man webbed the criminal’s mouth shut and if deadpool felt giddy he didn’t show it. Much.
“Yeah no I gathered that. Thanks. Rhetorical question. I probably shouldn’t ask them.” Spider-Man rolled his eyes “anyways. Deadpool, was a pleasure seeing you. Hopefully I won’t see you again for a very long time, what with the cops on their way, and you being behind bars and all.” Spiderman quipped. He turned on his heel and gave a final wave.
Deadpool blanked. stared at his retreating form, tensed like a bow about to shoot off.
[[Stared at his ASS more like]]
{{You’re disgusting.}}
“B- wai- Theyre criminals!” He yelled. Like it wasn’t obvious. Like everything hadn’t blown up in his face.
[[and what an ugly deformed face it is!]]
Deadpool ignored the box. Kept ignoring it, because in the next second Spider-Man spoke again. Instead of leaving Deadpool behind like he was gum on Spider-Man’s overly large to fill shoes.
“Yea guess you guys have something in common.” He didn’t stop. Just called it over his shoulder. Just dismissed him. Like nothing. Deadpool leaned forward, leaned too far and fell into his shoulder to lessen the blow. He stared up at Spider-Man again. Even higher now.
“But that’s why i…that’s what you do! You get the bad guys and you stop them!” He sounded desperate. Maybe it showed cause Spider-Man stopped. Turned slightly and those visors were slits now.
“I don’t do this.” He didn’t gesture to the carnage, because he didn’t need too. Deadpool didn’t have a reply to that. All he could hear were sirens blaring in his head.
{{didn’t you know this going in?}}
Yea but it wasn’t supposed to go tits up.
{{he’s rather adamant about his morals, y’know.}}
Yea but he thought he’d have time to clean up his act. That he’d be able to explain it away. Or hide it under the rug.
“And neither should you.” A Thwip, and Deadpool was left webbed to the concrete floor of an abandoned warehouse, surrounded by dead and injured men. red and blue lights danced over the ceiling.