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I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Summary:

Grabbing her hand, he looked it over. Asmo painted her nails black at her insistence so no one would think she was playing favorites, because she was always so much more considerate with him and his brothers than they deserved. Her hands were soft, she didn’t have callouses the way he did from working out and playing Fangol, and they were so tiny in comparison to his. Dainty, that was the word he was looking for. For a moment he just marveled at them, so small and delicate. But just holding on to one anchored him in the present when he slept and kept bad dreams away better than any talisman he could ever hope to find.

Notes:

Spoilers past the end of lesson 4. Just wanted Beel fluff.

Work Text:

Demons, she had always been told, were terrible things. The embodiments of evil that slinked in the shadows and tempted good God-fearing folks into doing things they knew to be morally reprehensible. Growing up, she had thought that Demons and Devils and Evil Spirits were just a metaphor; or some made up scapegoat for a person to blame their own irresponsible acts on. Why take ownership on your own misdeeds against another person or your own conscience when you could just blame the Devil, apologize, and move on with your day? And then she had awoken one day in the Devildom. For a moment, she was utterly terrified; the shadows that crept along the corners of darkened rooms were real!

Diavolo, heir to the throne of Devildom, prince among demon kind, had smiled at her and told her she would be looked after. And she had been. Six of seven brothers each representing a deadly sin became her protectors and then her friends. Or so she would like to think. It felt like she had begun to grow close to each brother, they had their own individual personalities, styles, and quirks and she was quickly coming to cherish each one in their own unique way. Satan had begun taking her to museums and art galleries, Asmodeous had started dressing her up in soft pretty clothes and gifting her expensive perfumes. Leviathan began playing more co-op games as an excuse to have her in his room although no one else was really allowed in, Beelzebub took her out to eat with him any time his stomach rumbled, Mammon talked her into all sorts of trouble. Even Lucifer, who was always so busy, made time to have coffee with her at least once a week.

The seventh brother was a mystery, but apparently, he was trapped in the attic; or so she would come to find out later. She wanted to help him, because he asked, and because that was just the type of person that she was. The mystery in the attic aside, she had started to grow comfortable in this strange world of perpetual twilight, of demons and spirits and curse objects. Or, she had started to grow comfortable in the House of Lamentation. Sure, Leviathan had gotten terribly angry with her and tried to eat her, but Lucifer had saved her. Lucifer had also been there to save her when Beelzebub flew into a rage after she let Mammon talk her into eating his custard. Although, after the hours long lecture that the Avatar of Pride had subjected her to, she had kind of wished that Beel had crushed her head with that fridge.

In truth, she had been momentarily scared of Beel after that. So much so that she almost protested Lucifer placing her in Beel’s room while her room was repaired after his rampage. She would have been perfectly happy to steal all of Mammon’s blankets for a change; but her head hurt from that never-ending lecture, so she swallowed down her protests and just hoped that Beel wouldn’t hold a grudge. At the end of the day, she had been glad for the chance to stay with Beel. There was so much more to him than just his stomach. He was kind, and he was quiet, and he was sweet. The way he spoke about his family made her suddenly long for her own, Diavolo and Lucifer had assured her that everything would be alright in the Human World, but she still missed the moments that she spent with her family. When he quietly admitted to his nightmares, to how he missed his younger sister, to his plague of regrets, she wanted to cry for him. She was ashamed to think that she had been scared of him, if even for a moment.

Eventually her room was repaired, and she had to fight back the urge to protest going back to her own bed. The idea that Beel would have to go back to fighting his nightmares alone made her frown, but he had just smiled the way he always did and pointed out that he was just down the hall if she ever wanted to visit, “I don’t sleep very much, so if you ever want to split another midnight snack, just let me know,” She reminded him, and with that she had smiled back, taken her pillow, and trotted off back to her room. Mammon was back to hogging all of her blankets again, until he tried to sell off one of Lucifer’s records and his punishment was not being allowed back in her room for another two weeks. These were the nights where she really couldn’t sleep, as she had quickly become accustomed to having someone else there, be it Mammon, Beel, or on the off occasion where they played until exhaustion, Levi. She was finally starting to drift off when her D.D.D rang, startling her out of the lull that she had fallen into, “Yeah?” Her voice was groggy as she answered the call, sitting up and rubbing her eyes when she heard Beel’s soft voice on the other end.

“Hey, I didn’t wake you, did I?” Beel sounded apologetic already.

“No, it’s fine, I was still awake. Did ya need something Beel?” She heard him sigh on the other end of the phone.

“Could you come to my room? I bought a bunch of pizzas and I don’t want to eat them alone, I got one of your favorites too,” She knew she probably shouldn’t be eating pizza this late at night, but who was she to say no? Especially when he was sweet enough to get her one as well.

“Sure, I’ll be there in a minute,” Hanging up, she slipped her bare feet into the fuzzy bunny slippers that Asmo had gifted her last week, pulled on a robe and stuck her head out of her room, looking up and down the hallway to make sure the coast was clear before she tiptoed to Beel’s room. There was a huge stack of pizzas, one small one put to the side, on the trunk at the foot of his bed. Beel was sitting on his bed with a pizza box in his lap, a slice hanging from between his lips as he smiled when she walked in and pointed to her pizza while he scooted over to give her room to sit beside him.

They sat together, eating pizza, and chatting about classes. He started explaining to her the finer points of his favorite sport, Fangol, so she could cheer him on better at his next game. When all the pizza was gone, Beel clapped his hands on his stomach and let himself fall back on his bed with a satisfied sigh. She yawned and stood to leave but stopped short when Beel reached up and grabbed the sleeve of her robe, “Don’t go,” It was a soft plea. She looked back at him from over her shoulder, eyebrow raised, “I had another nightmare,” His tone was even more quiet than usual, a soft rumble in his chest. Her gaze softened, and she nodded with a rueful smile. Beel let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding in, he didn’t know why he doubted her, she was always going out of her way for him and his brothers.

“Yeah, sure,” She toed off her bunny slippers and slipped off her robe, laying it on the chair beside his bed and laid down beside him. After spending that time bunking in his room, she was comfortable being beside him in the t-shirt and boy shorts that she wore as pajamas. She curled up on her side, looking up at him with big grey eyes and he had to sigh at how small she was in comparison to him.

“You’re so tiny, aren’t you scared I’ll accidentally hurt you?” He knew he had scared her before, and he still felt bad about that. Sure, he had really wanted that custard, but what if he had actually managed to hurt her? She wouldn’t be here with him now. She was just so small, so fragile compared to him and his brothers. What if one of them lost control again? Hell, what if he just hugged her too tight one day? She might as well have been made of glass. When she was close to him, he always had this fear that he wouldn’t be able to gauge his own strength properly and he would accidentally crush her like a careless child with a pretty butterfly in his hand.

“You won’t,” It was such a simple answer. Stated just the way someone would speak a universal fact, Diavolo was the prince, the sky was purple, Mammon was broke. The way she looked up at him and smiled was almost enough to make him believe that it was as easy as that. How could she trust him so much? He was a demon. Sometimes when she wore certain perfumes she smelled so good he had to actively fight the urge to eat her because he figured she would taste as sweet as candy.

“But I almost did, over custard,” He frowned at himself, mulling over the thought. Custard was sweet, but so was she, custard was tasty and helped when his stomach started growling for attention; but she made him feel full in a different sort of way when she looked at him the way that she was looking at him right now. She listened to him, she didn’t belittle him over how much he ate, instead she usually passed him extra food. She always smelled nice, and she was soft, and pretty, and made him feel full and warm all over, “I like you more than I like custard,” She giggled at that, turning to hide the blush that graced her cheeks. His tone made it sound like Beel had just come to the single greatest epiphany in his life.

“I like you more than custard too,” She replied, that melodic laughter still in her voice, but there was sincerity there too, and that made Beel blush in turn so he turned to face the ceiling, “Beel,” He looked back at her again upon hearing her sigh his name, “I’m sorry I ate your custard that day. I should have known better than to listen to Mammon,” He was such a troublemaker, but she always went along with whatever the brothers dragged her into anyway, so she couldn’t really blame Mammon completely, "And I'm sorry I was scared of you," Even if it wasn't for long.

“It’s ok, I’m sorry I scared you,” Custard, he decided, could be replaced. She could not, “But, I’m glad you had to stay in my room while yours was fixed. I like getting to eat midnight snacks with you,” The smile Beel gave her made her heart melt, “And I like talking to you, it keeps the nightmares away,” It was almost a whisper, if she hadn’t been so close to him in the bed, she might not have heard it. The red head was always so open with his feelings, she wondered if he was even capable of telling a lie. Scooting even closer, she tangled her legs with his and nuzzled into his side affectionately. He was warm, and solid, and honestly she felt safe when she was with him now.

Humming for a moment, she smiled again, but it was softer this time, a little sad when she thought about all that Beel had to carry on his own, “I’m happy that I could help, because I really like spending time with you too Beel. You’re so sweet, that’s why I know you won’t hurt me,” He wouldn’t, and if for some unbelievable reason he did try, she was sure that someone else would be there to save her, “I believe in you Beel,” She believed in all of the brothers, but Beel was something special. He was so easy going, so simply sincere that it put her at ease to be around him.

“Can I…,” He wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted at that moment. The things she said made his heart flutter in his chest. He wanted to kiss her, that was what he really wanted. But maybe now wasn’t the right time for that, not when she had just said she trusted him so much. He didn’t want to take advantage of that, Beel never wanted to take advantage of that, “Can I hold your hand again tonight?” He liked being close to her, and he really liked holding her hand. It might not have been kissing, but it felt like the next best thing to him. She nodded and he didn’t waste time after that. Grabbing her hand, he looked it over. Asmo painted her nails black at her insistence so no one would think she was playing favorites, because she was always so much more considerate with him and his brothers than they deserved. Her hands were soft, she didn’t have callouses the way he did from working out and playing Fangol, and they were so tiny in comparison to his. Dainty, that was the word he was looking for. For a moment he just marveled at them, so small and delicate. But just holding on to one anchored him in the present when he slept and kept bad dreams away better than any talisman he could ever hope to find.

Holding their hands up, he forced hers flat against his and splayed his fingers open; this way he could really compare their differences. He could practically bend his fingertips over hers, and yet there she was, curled up against him like he was her favorite teddy bear, “You’re right. I won’t hurt you, you’re so weak and fragile. I’ll protect you instead!” What was the point in being as strong as he was if he couldn’t protect the people that he cared about most? Sure, he was sworn to protect Lucifer, but now he had sworn to protect her too. He couldn’t save Lilith, but he wouldn’t let that happen again. Whatever came next, he wanted to make sure that her faith in him wasn’t misplaced.

She just chuckled at his declaration; she couldn’t argue that she was physically very weak against demons no matter how much she worked out. But that was what she had a bunch of demon brothers as bodyguards for, “Alright, and I’ll be here to help you any way I can,” She laced her fingers with his, between having a full belly and his radiating warmth, she was finally growing drowsy, “Oh and Beel, you can hold my hand anytime you want, ya don’t have to ask,” She thought she might have seen him blush, maybe heard him murmur a quiet thank you, but her eyelids were too heavy to keep open long enough to confirm it; lulled to sleep with the explicit knowledge that she was safe against him, and that he was safe from his nightmares, at least for that night.