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Samantha Carter, Major of the United States Air Force, collapsed on the sofa. She was tired, exhausted from the day’s mission. Dr. Janet Fraiser, to whom the sofa actually belonged, clucked her tongue and said, “Sam. You really pushed yourself too hard out there today. Lie down, I’ll cook us dinner, okay?”
“Aw, Jan, you don’t have to cook me anything. We’ll just call in something,” a bemused Sam responded, even knowing exactly what Janet’s answer would be.
“Absolutely not. Not only is most of the food from delivery restaurants full of nasty fats, oils and salts, but also I like to cook, so don’t worry about it. Stay there. I’ll get you something to drink and start dinner.” Janet harrumphed, dumped her coat over the plush chair and headed toward the kitchen.
Sam chuckled. Janet was predictable. Well, not so predictable to many, except for the select few that were Janet’s circle of friends and family. Only to these people did Janet show her heart. Just as it was only to Sam’s chosen few that she showed her heart. She was startled out of her musings by Janet, who was waving a can of soda under her nose. “Janet! Uh, thanks.”
“Where were you, in Andromeda Galaxy? You looked like you were light-years away,” Janet inquired, “and I don’t know how you can think of anything after today!”
Sam laughed softly, “Well, I wasn’t light-years away, in fact, I was light-nanoseconds away.” She smiled and took the drink with a nod of thanks.
“Is that even a word?”
“Yes.” Mirth was rampant on Sam’s face. The game was on.
“Okay. Light-nanoseconds? That would mean... Colorado?” Janet was enjoying the game. Sam always made Janet guess what she was thinking about. A kind of charades, really.
“Close.”
“Colorado Springs?”
“Yes.” Sam laughed. Janet was getting better at the game.
“Okay, so your mind was somewhere in Colorado Springs,” said Janet, who had taken a seat on the sofa next to Sam, “May I hazard a guess that you were thinking of something related to Cheyenne Mountain, again?”
“Hmmn, related, yes, but I wasn’t thinking of the Mountain.”
“People?”
“Yes.”
“Family?”
“Sort of.”
“SG-1.”
“No.”
“Cassandra?”
“No, but you’re getting close.”
They were immensely enjoying the game; it was another way that they learned more about each other.
“Me?”
“Bingo. I was thinking about our friendship.”
“Oh, Sam.” Janet hugged Sam, and was gratified to receive a bear hug in return. “May I ask what exactly about our friendship that you were thinking about...?”
“Oh, just how close we are.” Sam smiled, and continued, “Are you going to cook dinner or what?”
Janet chuckled and rose, replying with an air of affront, “Slave driver.”
“Mother hen.” Sam fell into the familiar sparring.
“Hmph. The day that I’m a chicken is the day that the Goa’uld suddenly turn into polite symbiotes. I’ll start dinner, I was thinking of cooking spaghetti tonight, would that be alright with you?” Janet asked.
“Yeah, that’s fine, Jan. Thanks again.”
“No problem, Sam. Rest.”
Janet walked into the kitchen and started cooking while Sam took a nap on the sofa.
Sam stretched out on the sofa and sighed. “Man, Janet, that was a great dinner! Thanks.”
Janet replied, laughing, “Thank you, miss. Now you gotta pay for it!” Let’s see how much she got out of Sam this time. She usually got Sam to ‘pay’ in terms of movies.
“Aw! C’mon, Jan, I don’t have a big wad of cash on me!” Sam gestured wildly. There was nothing more that she liked to do than tease Jan...except lounge in the Tok’ra pools. Sam winced. That last thought came out of nowhere. No, not nowhere, but from her throughly-dead symbiote, Jolinar. Damn, she threw up improper thoughts at the worst times.
Janet noticed the wince, and immediately sobered, asking, “Sam, what is it? You’re not hurt, are you?”
“No, no. It’s just... one of those stray thoughts...” Sam trailed off, hoping that Janet would drop it.
She didn’t.
“Sam, it’s me,” Janet said, trying to get Sam to open up. Sometimes, it was equivalent to trying to crack a rock. A sudden thought flitted across Janet’s mind. “Sam, it’s Jolinar, isn’t it? She gave you a... a memory?”
Sam sighed and studied the floor. Without looking up, she responded, “Yeah, sort of. It was just... I was thinking one thing, and she kind of made the thought go in a completely different direction. It’s odd, and she does that at the most inopportune times.”
“Oh, kind of like the time that we were playing Truth or Dare, and she made you think of a certain sexual position, and you, consequently, asked me if I’d ever been in that position?” Janet smiled, mirth dancing in her eyes at the remembered embarrassment of Sam after she’d realized what she had asked Janet.
Predictably, Sam colored to a nice shade of salmon-pink. “Janet! Well, not exactly. At least I didn’t say it out loud this time!”
“Say what out loud?”
“I’m not falling for that, Janet.”
“Sam... c’mon. Tell. I don’t think anything could be more embarrassing to me after I found out exactly how creative the Tok’ra could get in bed.”
Sam chuckled. “Well, alright. I was just thinking that I, uh, enjoyed teasing you, and then Jolinar made me think that I’d rather be in the Tok’ra pools, which is ridiculous, really, since I’ve never been in one, so I wouldn’t know.”
“But you’d like to be in one, wouldn’t you?” asked Janet, knowing that sometimes, Sam needed a little push to investigate the cause of the thoughts or feelings that appeared to be coming from Jolinar. Most of the time, though, Sam actually shared the feeling or thought, and didn’t recognize that they were coming from her, not Jolinar.
“Well, it is so nice... and warm, you know? Not too cold, not too hot. Just right. And they use this stuff, you know, similar to bath oils on Earth? They make the water smell heavenly, Jan,” answered Sam.
Janet smiled, and encouraged, “Really? What’s your favorite ‘bath scent’ that they use? What’s Jolinar’s favorite, by the way?”
Sam looked surprised. “Jan, I couldn’t have a favorite. I’ve never actually been in --”
“No, you’ve never actually bathed in the pools, but you remember doing it, right? In Rosha, I mean. I mean… uh, as Jolinar, in Rosha.”
“Yeah. Rosha loved this scent… um, syantra. It’s like a mix of oranges, apples and lavendar.” Sam smiled at Janet’s bewildered look, and continued, “Yes, I know. It seems odd, but it does smell good. Jolinar preferred, um, kenyea. It’s kind of like chamomile, lavendar, and thyme, and something else. I don’t think the fourth scent exists on Earth. It’s nice. But there’s this one, kelinya, that I really like, at least as far as I can tell. It’s a heavenly mix of chamomile, sea-scent, and – get this – chocolate. I swear it, Jan. It does smell like chocolate.”
“Wow! I’d love to get a whiff of that one, what was it, kelinya. It sounds great!” exclaimed Janet.
Sam laughed. “I’ll remember to ask Dad to sneak me some of the kelinya scent, then.” As soon as she mentioned her father, she became sober. “I miss Dad and Selmak, Jan. I haven’t seen them in almost a year now.”
“So go visit them. I bet Jacob would love to have you in the Tunnels for a few weeks.”
“Weeks! Jan, I can’t go for weeks! I don’t think I should even go to the Tunnels at all.”
“Why not?”
“You know how the Tok’ra think of the Tauri, Jan. And remember, I told you some time ago that the Tok’ra have this little grapevine that moves at the speed of light?”
Janet nodded.
“Well, they don’t really keep the grapevine quiet. I mean, they just stand in the halls and yammer away, they don’t care if the subject of the grapevine walks by and hears them.”
“Really?” Janet’s curiosity was piqued. “So if they were gossiping about, say, Jacob’s sex life, and he walked by, they wouldn’t be... embarrassed, feeling guilty, or anything like that? They’d just say, “Hello, Jacob” and then go back to gossiping?”
“Pretty much.”
“And Jacob wouldn’t... you know... get mad?”
“Oh, he was upset at first, yeah, but he got over it with Selmak’s help.”
“Sam, are you telling me that this thing actually happened?”
Sam burst out laughing, and replied, “Oh yeah! Dad’s first year as a Tok’ra. It seems that he’d refused, um, advances, and the Tok’ra were wondering why. I mean, it wasn’t as if he was a virgin... me being the obvious proof. So the grapevine was all abuzz about whether he was hetero or homo, and whether he was ever gonna ... do it... with a Tok’ra.”
Janet clapped her hand to her mouth to keep herself from laughing too hard, and waved her other hand to tell Sam to continue.
Sam nodded and continued, “Now, Selmak was going to the bathing pools after a hard day in the field. He’d made Dad dress in nothing but a robe for the baths. On the way to the pools, Dad saw a really pretty Tok’ra, and he was... you know... pleased, and it showed pretty good through that thin robe. He keeps going, hoping he’s not gonna run into anybody else. But then he turns the corner, and the bathing pools are pretty much full with Tok’ra that are gossiping relatively loudly about Dad’s... ability. He’s standing there, with a hard-on, and he’s embarrassed as hell. The Tok’ra all stop gossiping and stare at him. Then one of them says, “Jacob. Well, at least we are now aware that you are capable of performing the pleasure rituals.” The only thing he can do is shove Selmak into control and hide for three days,” finished Sam, howling with laughter by now.
Janet was on the floor, laughing. Holding her belly, which was sore by now, she choked out, “Sam, that really happened? Oh my god.”
Sam, still laughing, nodded and tried to control herself. After all, she’d told this story for a reason.
Janet’s laughter slowed as she realized what had occurred. Sam was laughing. And she was talking about her father’s sex life. Without even the slightest sign of blushing. Janet abruptly stopped laughing and stared at Sam. “Sam? You’re, I mean, you just... you’re talking about your own father’s sex life, and you’re not... upset or embarrassed.”
Sam bent her head toward the floor and stared at her feet, knowing exactly what would come next. “Yeah.”
“That’s... a Tok’ra trait.”
“Yes.”
“Definitely not a human one.”
“Right.”
“Oy. Sam, you become more Tok’ra every day.”
Sam looked at Janet, gave her a half smile, and returned her gaze to the floor. “Yeah, I guess.”
Janet sighed. Because of Sam’s precarious position on Earth, she hated to show Tok’ra traits. She saw fear in her fellow soldiers’ eyes every time that she picked up a Goa’uld weapon. Biological changes in her body made her the prime target of desperate scientists and power-hungry idiots. When she was upset, she cursed in Tok’ra, garnering strange looks from her teammates and earning suspicion from the governmental representatives. Indeed, the gifts that Jolinar gave Sam only made her look over her shoulder every minute of every day of every year. Janet thought that she’d better bring Sam back onto the subject and away from dark thoughts. “So... obviously, you told me that story for a reason, but I’m not seeing how it relates to why you don’t want to stay in the Tunnels to visit your dad. Or... is it because you didn’t want to hear rumors about your sexuality?”
Sam chuckled lightly and responded, “No, it’s not because of sex rumors! It’s... well, you know that I have elevated hearing, because of Jolinar. Only, the Tok’ra don’t know it. Over the years, at Vorash, at Risa, at Revanna, I overheard a lot of comments that weren’t particularly... polite. I know that I overheard, because they were speaking too low for humans to hear.”
“Oh... no. What kind of comments?”
Sam sighed, not really wanting to repeat them, but knowing that Janet wouldn’t understand until she did. “Um... rough translation: children of the first world, they’re useful at times, but too areyazana to be allies to our brethren.”
“Huh?”
“Oh. Sorry. Areyazana, that means... childlike, childish. Not wise enough.”
Janet groaned. That was bad. It was too close to calling Tauri “primitives”. Then the other part of the insult hit her. Children. Children of the first world. Ooooh, she decided that she’d better ask Sam just what that meant for the Tok’ra. “Children of the first world? I’m assuming that isn’t good, either?”
“Um, no. Among the Tok’ra, to not name a person or a thing is to insult it. That’s why the Tok’ra always call me Samantha; they respect me enough that they just can’t bring themselves to even shorten the name. Not even Selmak will call me Sam; he calls me Samantha or Sammi. So to call the Tauri “children of the first world” is an insult, and it says that the people living on the first world aren’t even mature enough to merit “people of the first world”. So... that’s the basic insult. Children, useful occasionally, but nevertheless, too childish to be allies.”
Janet’s eyes widened. That was a great insult to her people. For a moment, all Janet felt was fury, until she saw the look on Sam’s face. She looked stricken. Janet sighed. How did Sam feel about this? This couldn’t have been the only incident. Sam mentioned Vorash, Revanna, and Risa. She was probably feeling hurt, betrayed, and angry. “Sam, are you alright? That must have hurt you to hear it.”
“A... a little. I was born on the Tauri.”
Janet looked at the floor for a moment. She had a sudden thought and returned her gaze to Sam. “Sam, what did you think of the comment?”
“I...” Sam hesitated, and then continued, “I thought that it was half right. Earth’s humans are almost childish when compared with the Tok’ra, but we’re not exactly useless allies. Look how many Goa’ulds we killed in the last few years.”
“Yeah. Ra, Setesh, Cronus, and Apophis.” Janet paused for a few moments, then continued, “I’m guessing that the other comments were similar in nature?”
“Yeah.”
“And you don’t want to go to the Tunnels because you don’t want to hear any more of them.”
“Right. It’s not as if they actually want me there, anyway.” Sam seemed to become more despondent by the minute. She sighed and seemed to be finding more interest in the floor than anything else.
“Oh, Sam.” Janet tried to think of something, anything, to say to comfort Sam, and realized that she couldn’t. How could she give comfort to a woman that was of both worlds? The only way she could even begin to do that was to understand why Sam thought that the Tok’ra didn’t want her in the Tunnels. “Sam, what gives you the impression that the Tok’ra wouldn’t want you with them?”
Sam gazed at Janet for a moment, then responded, “Janet, there are things, um, customs of common courtesy that they show to one another upon returning to the tunnel-colony after a very long or a very dangerous mission. By their own social mores and their view on the position of hosts in their society, they should have shown me at least some, if not all, of these customs whenever I went back, but they didn’t. That pretty much screams ‘we don’t want you here’ to me.”
Janet blinked at Sam. She wasn’t sure what Sam meant. She frowned, trying to compare what she had just told her to the social mores of humans on Earth.
Sam saw Janet’s confusion and elaborated, “Oh, it’d be kind of like me not welcoming Dad back home whenever he came back through the Stargate. I mean, it’s similar to…” Sam frowned, trying to find something that Janet could understand. Suddenly, she had a lightbulb moment and finished, “It’s analogous to me staying in the lab and working, even if I knew my dad was coming through the Gate.”
Janet finally understood and nodded, replying, “I see.” She thought for a moment. She looked back at Sam and asked, “Well, you were always with others from Earth when you visited, right?” At Sam’s nod, she continued, “Well, didn’t you tell me once that they were very secretive around outsiders?” Another nod. “Ah. Maybe that’s why.”
Sam didn’t say anything for a long time. She seemed to be deep in thought. Janet waited, patiently, and was rewarded when Sam smiled and replied, “That’s possible. I didn’t think of it, but yes, that’s possible.”
Janet smiled at Sam, happy to have resolved that little issue for now. She shook her head in amusement; they’d gotten off topic again. Well, sort of. As long as Selmak was around to help defuse the situation, she thought Sam would be okay, so she tried to convince Sam to go to the Tunnels again, “Well, back to the topic of the day. Sam, you know that you miss your dad and Selmak. It’d be nice for you to go for a few weeks, and kind of just hang out with them. Maybe if you stay with them for a while, they’ll see that not all Tauri are stupid children,” Janet grinned, “and you’ll get to live with them for a little while.” She looked at Sam, who looked unconvinced, and then decided to play her trump card, “And… you’ll be able to separate Jolinar from yourself when you find out what you share and what you don’t.”
Sam blinked at Janet. She hadn’t thought of that. It was true, though. She still had trouble trying to figure out what was Jolinar, what was Sam, what they shared, and what they didn’t share. One of her biggest struggles concerned Martouf and Lantash. Jolinar loved them so much that Sam still woke up late at night, crying from the pure emotion in her memories. Jolinar had given that love to Sam before she died, and Sam didn’t know why. Jolinar made Sam inherit that love, and now she wasn’t sure if she –Sam– loved Martouf and Lantash, or if what she felt was inherited from Jolinar.
Another issue that Sam often struggled with was that she couldn’t figure out whether she really had friends among the Tok’ra, or if the bonds that she felt to them were merely remnants from Jolinar. It was simple to state that she didn’t have solid friendships with three-quarters of the Tok’ra population, despite the pre-existing bonds that she felt for them. However, that was due to the fact that she hadn’t met them yet. The same couldn’t be said of Sam’s feelings for those that she had met. Certain Tok’ra, such as Aldwin, Korra, Garshaw, and Ren’al, she would have called them friends, but it was too difficult to determine whether they were hers or Jolinar’s. Perhaps Janet was right; a stay with the Tok’ra for a little while would be helpful. However, Janet’s suggestion of weeks was simply unacceptable! “Okay, but I can’t stay there for weeks, Janet!”
Janet smiled, happy that Sam had agreed to go visit, at least, and responded, “Why not? You have months’ worth of leave! Take a few weeks and go.”
“Weeks, Janet? When the Goa’uld and other sundry aliens like to mess up our lives practically every week? When was the last time you had time to take a few weeks and go to Florida or Jamaica?”
“I see your point. Take two weeks, at least, please. You need it. Sam, you’re gonna go nuts with Jolinar in there if you don’t start trying to figure things out.”
“I’ve been trying for four kalir!”
“Huh?”
Sam sighed and rubbed her forehead with her right hand. “Years. I guess I do need to visit them for a little while.”
Janet nodded sagely. “So you’ll go?”
Sam nodded, waving her hand and said, “After that meeting on Pangara. SG-1’s needed for negotiations.”
Janet leaned across the couch to gather Sam into a hug. “I just worry about you, Sam. You know that?”
Sam squeezed Janet in the hug and answered, “Yes, I know, my kayatalhia. Thanks.”
Janet smiled. Sam had told her the meaning of the Tok’ra word two years ago. It was the stronger form of kayateya, “friend of my heart”. The only bond stronger than that of kayatalhia was the bond named cha’imyn, “friend-mate”. In other words, it meant that Janet and Sam were as close as anybody could get without bringing sex into the equation.
They were friends before the divide. Now that a chasm stood between the Tauri and the Tok’ra, they were closer than ever. They were friends across the divide. Perhaps, one day, they might close the chasm and heal the divide.