Chapter Text
Eda: [gets pulled over]
cop: papers
Eda: scissors [drives off]
Luz: So how old were you guys when you found out Santa wasn't real?
Edric, whispering to Emira: How old am I?
Emira: We're 16, Ed
Edric: I was 16
Camilia: I said I wanted McDonald's.
Eda: yea and I bought you McDonald's.
Camilia: I MEANT A BIG MAC OR SOMETHING, NOT THE ENTIRE COMPANY? EDA WTF?
Boscha: why are you ignoring Luz?
Amity: I'm playing hard to get
Boscha: why would you do that? you're already hard to want
Kidnapper: we have your older siblings
Amity: oh no can I speak to them?
Kidnapper: make it quick [hands phone to Ed and Em]
Amity: goodbye you little shits
Luz: can we please stay in your room?
Amity: why?
Emira: we played with an ouija board and cursed ours
Luz: and Edric isn't much help, he doesn't know how to banish spirits, he just throws salt at them and yells "does this look like a hotel to you?!"
Camilia: could you please go to the store and get a carton of milk? If they have avocados, get six
[Later]
Eda: walks in with six cartons of milk
Eda: they had avocados
Amity: I’ve never had a best friend.
Luz: I’ll be your best friend!
Amity:
Amity, turning to Luz: I’ve never had a girlfriend either.
Boscha: I’m a magician, I can make you forget that you’re gay
Amity: but I’m not gay
Boscha: see, you already forgot
Amity: ...
Edric: Can we get McDonald's?
Emira: No, we have food at home.
Edric, crying: I hate this fucking family
Boscha: [sneezes] Amity: Bless you.
Luz: [sneezes] Amity, already wrapping Luz in blankets and feeding her soup: Oh my god, are you sick?! How could I have let this happen?! You poor thing!
Willow: [sneezes] Amity: Oh my fucking god shut the fuck up.
Camilia: honey, did I ever tell u that u cook well?
Eda: aww, no babe
Camilia: so why do you keep cooking?
Amity: Whoever took my pie, come forward and all will be forgiven.
Luz:
Edric:
Emira:
Amity: Smart. You knew I would never forgive you.
Edric: welcome to my very first vlog in which I try different hair products
[Sprays hairspray into mouth]
Edric: well, right off the bat I could tell you this one is not very good.
A random person in hexside: Ugh, that blight girl is such a snob, isn't she? She thinks she's better than everyone here...
Amity:
The same person as before: And her "girlfriend", that human? So dumb and Naive. I don't know how they let her study here when she can't even do magic properly.
Amity: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!. That's The LOVE OF MY LIFE you are Talking about. You do NOT talk about MY girlfriend in such a degrading manner. I will PUNCH you. Boscha LET ME GO. THIS BITCH WILL NOT SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN, LET ME GO-
Willow: how do you tall people sleep? the blanket can't possibly cover all of you
Boscha: willow, it's four o'clock in the morning
Willow: so you can't sleep? is it because of the blanket?
Luz: Amity, truth, or dare?
Amity: Truth
Luz: How much sleep have you had over the past week?
Amity:
Amity: Dare
Luz: I dare you to get a good nights sleep
Amity: daMMIT
Luz: I bet I can fit the whole world in my hands.
Amity: That's impossible, the planet has a diameter of more than 12,000 kilometers. I-
Luz, cupping Amity's face: See?
Amity, Blushing furiously: Stop it I have a reputation.
Boscha: Wow the stars are beautiful tonight
Willow: Yeah they are
Boscha: You know who else is beautiful though?
Willow and Boscha: Luz.
Luz, shooting her head up from where she's stargazing with Amity: Pardon?
Amity, spaced out: Yeah she beautiful
Narrator: here we have the beautiful couple
Luz: I care about your feelings!
Amity: I care about your feelings too!!!
Narrator: And over here, the disaster gays
Boscha: You need to spend more time with me and less time in the Infirmary!!!
Willow: I wouldn't have to spend so much time in the Infirmary if you didn't insist on fighting everyone who comes within five feet of us!!!
Lilith: WHO is responsible for THIS?
Amity: I think it was probably Luz, but I’m going to blame Willow
Luz: I think it was probably Gus, but I’m going to blame Amity
Willow: I think it was probably Luz, but I’m gonna blame Gus
Gus: I think it was probably Amity, but I’m down with this, so I’m going to take the credit
Eda: It was completely, unequivocally my fault, but no way in hell I'm going to own up to it
Amity: man sure is dark in here
Luz:
Amity: I'm not scared of anything!
Luz:
Amity: I mean, who's scared of the dark these days, not me no sir...
Luz: do you want me to hold your hand?
Amity: yes, please