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Connie wasn’t out yet, and he had no idea what he even wanted out of the experience. Well, aside from the obvious - He knew he liked being called him. He liked it when Steven called him his boyfriend. He loved wearing his binder. Getting on T did sound pretty amazing, but researching the side effects and experience of HRT made it sound like the kind of thing that would be a lot to deal with when his college classes were so overwhelming.
And then didn’t even get into telling his parents about it.
He couldn’t even handle the stress of picking out a new name. How was he supposed to handle a whole body change? No, testosterone could come later, once he’d finished some other stuff. And, for now, Steven defaulted to the ever-reliable nickname Strawberry, which was genderless enough and sweet enough that it didn’t come with a well of dysphoria.
Still, he kind of wished he was brave enough to pick out something more permanent.
But spring break with Steven was going to be nice. He was going to spend the weekend as Strawberry with his boyfriend and hopefully that would mean a full week of really living as a boy. Maybe that would get him some more of the confidence and understanding he was craving.
As always, Steven was sweet and charming from the moment they met up. Steven was on-tour with different bands more often than not, and Strawberry (Steven called him Strawberry right away, which made his heart skip a happy beat) had expected a simple motel. Instead, Steven took him to a pretty hotel that was far fancier than his usual fare.
They talked and held hands, and there was some unfathomable sense of maleness to it all. Steven was his boyfriend. He was Steven’s boyfriend. He couldn’t pin down what was different about it, how it had really changed from being his girlfriend. He couldn’t pin down if anything had actually changed at all. But it felt more right now, and Strawberry tried to be content with that without having an explanation.
Steven hopped ahead, grabbing the door handle with a confident twist. He bowed all pretty, a flourish of his arms as he winked up at his boyfriend. “After you, good sir. I hope all the fanciness is to your liking.”
He laughed, feeling warmth rise to his cheeks. “Steven, you didn’t have to do all this for me. I would have been happy in one of your cheap spots.”
“Yeah, but I wanted to.” He smiled as he tugged him into the room, closing the door behind him. “Strawberry, I know this is really hard for you. It’s your first week being who you really are, and the least I can do is make it a good experience.”
Strawberry nudged him lightly with a smile of his own. “If it’s with you, it couldn’t be anything else. I love you, Steven.”
“I love you too,” he murmured and leaned in for a kiss.
Panic spiked in Strawberry’s chest. He had kissed Steven plenty before, but that had been as Connie. He’d even had sex as Connie before, and while he had managed to enjoy it, it had been a very feminine experience. Pronouns had changed, and the name was in the works, but Strawberry was painfully aware that he still had an afab body.
He was strong from years of sword-fighting by Steven’s side, but that strength had been built in a body full of estrogen. His muscles and scarce fat bent and curved his body into something that was, thankfully, on the more curveless side. But every glance in the mirror had proved it was still so extremely female that he had thought about skipping the gym in hopes of losing what curves remained, or overeating or undereating in the hopes that roundness or extra slimness might take the edge off the dysphoria.
His head ducked as he cringed. “I don’t know if we should do this.”
Steven blinked, stepping back. “You don’t want to kiss me?”
More panic, and Strawberry grabbed his hand before he went too far. “No, I do! I really do. I want to be with you more than anything. I just…”
“Oh,” Steven said, stepping close again. “You’re worried it’s gonna be like last time because when we had sex I thought you were a woman.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not your fault. I was a woman.”
“You weren’t out .” Steven cupped his cheeks, turning Strawberry’s eyes up to him. “From what you said, you’re not genderfluid, you just didn’t know what your feelings meant. You’ve always felt like a boy, even if you didn’t understand. You don’t need to erase yourself just to make me feel better.”
Tears pricked at his eyes, but he swallowed it down with a nod. “You’re right. I mean, about everything. I don’t know if it’s going to work when I still look like this.”
“Well, first of all,” he said with a little grin. “It’ll feel a lot better because I’m not going to call you Connie. I’m not going to say you’re the prettiest girl in the world. I’m not going to be thinking about you as my girlfriend this time, and I think all that’s probably gonna make a big difference.”
He laughed a little, sure the blushing was starting to show on his cheeks now. “Yeah. We can skip all that this time.”
“And we can do whatever you’re comfortable with!” Steven insisted. “Maybe you don’t want anything inside your pussy and that’s okay. Maybe you don’t want anything inside anywhere. Maybe you want me to call it, I don’t know, your dick or your boy pussy or whatever.”
A laugh burst from him as he covered his face. “No. Please no . I do not like boypussy. Never say that again.”
“Your wish is my command, good sir.” He laughed and kissed Strawberry’s forehead, one of the few spots uncovered by his hands. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
“I don’t mind a lot of that stuff, but…” He swallowed, slowly lowering his hands. They fell to his chest, the perfect smoothness of his binder a comforting hit of gender euphoria. “Do you think I could leave this on? The binder, not the shirt. I really hate not being flat.”
Steven hesitated as his eyes flicked down, and for a moment he worried that it wouldn’t be alright, but there was only loving worry and concern in his boyfriend’s voice as he said, “Strawberry, you’re being safe with that, right? You don’t sleep with it on?”
“No!” he said quickly, and another laugh burst through him. Of course, that was all it was. “Oh, gees, no. I’m really safe. I even wear a sports bra some days because it gets sore. I promise. I can have it on the whole time without it being dangerous.”
“If you can’t breathe, you have to take it off,” Steven said, the gentle firmness he’d developed from years of tending to the gems slipping through. “I’ll leave the room if you need me to, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself. The most important thing is that both of us are happy and safe , Strawberry.”
He nodded. “I know. Don’t worry. I promise I’ll tell you if anything’s wrong. I’ve got a bunch of other options in my suitcase, Steven. You know I’m always prepared.”
“Then yeah, I don’t care at all. Whatever you need to feel comfortable.” He kissed his nose with a relieved smile.
“Then I’d really like to try,” Strawberry said.
Steven’s mouth came over his, warm and soft as his lips fell into a familiar rhythm. Strawberry did his best to keep up, moving his mouth against him as his mind raced through a million little things. Where should his hands go? Was there too much tongue? Not enough tongue? When should he put his hands under Steven’s shirt - or did his boyfriend just want to kiss?
It felt like he was started over again. Were men supposed to be assertive, aggressive and powerful? Is that what Steven needed to make him feel like Strawberry was manly enough? He figured he should match Steven’s energy as - oh. He toppled back onto the bed, Steven hovering over him with a grin. When had they gotten here? He should probably have his head on a little better.
Of course, Strawberry had always been a little touch starved. His parents weren’t huggers and his friends were in short supply, and it didn’t really help that his sex drive had always been on the high side. Steven’s teeth nipped plafyfully at his ears, his knees sliding up to push against his pussy through his sweatpants. Strawberry felt his eyes flutter in a groan as he melted into the touch. So much for being powerful.
“This okay?” Steven asked with a gentle smile. “I don’t want to go too fast for you.”
Strawberry laughed, slipping his hand beneath Steven’s shirt to lovingly brush his belly and his gem. There was Steven’s happy moan, his half-lidded eyes. “I’m having a great time, Steven. Really. I think the binder is enough of a security blanket.”
“Can I strip off your lower half?”
He nodded eagerly and when Steven reached for his pants, he grabbed for them too. Assertive. Confident. He was a man this time, and he was going to fuck like one. Sly smiles, innuendo, two powerful energies clashing up against one another.
Steven’s fingers lightly brushed along his cunt, teasing through the neatly trimmed dampening curls, and Strawberry made a sound that could only be described as a mew of pleasure. He laughed nervously at the sound, and said at the lower end of his register, “You’re as good with your hands as ever.”
“Thank you,” he murmured, nibbling along Strawberry’s ear. “You’re as sexy as ever. Even sexier.”
His fingers swirled gently along his lips, and Strawberry bit his tongue at the almost teasingly light touch. He squirmed and bucked against his hand, struggling not to let out anymore embarrassing squeaky sounds. He was a man, a big sexy man, who could handle a couple fingers.
“You can be rougher,” he said. “I’m not made of glass.”
“I know, but you’ve got sensitive equipment down here,” Steven giggled. His fingers, with all the skill of a season instrumentalist, slid up to his clit. Again the light touch set him squirming, this time with puppysish whimpers as he struggled to muffle. Each gentle flick of Steven’s middle finger had him squirming, bucking for more contact.”
“Be rougher,” he said, trying to put some authority and gruff in his voice. “I’m not some delicate flower, Steven. You know you can toss me around.”
Steven cocked his head, only for a slow smile to spread over his face. “Oh, that’s right. You like being manhandled, huh?”
Strawberry giggled as nerves crept into his throat. He more insistently rubbed at the gem on Steven’s belly, knowing that was enough to make his boyfriend’s toes curl and give Strawberry the slightest bit of power. “I just mean that you’re teasing me. You can be rough. I’m pretty strong, you know.”
In a flash, Steven had Strawberry’s wrist gripped in his hand, every finger stronger than steel. His hands were pinned into place, his chest heaving as he looked down to see Steven’s knees pushing and pinning his thighs to the mattress. The hot space between his legs was left open and vulnerable.
“Strong? That sounds like outside Strawberry.,” Steven teased. His fingers came down again, sliding softly over his soaked lips. His thumb slowly came to his clit. “Bedroom Strawberry is a good, soft, sweet boy, right?”
A little squeak of pleasure slipped out as he squirmed against his boyfriend’s touch, but Steven wasn’t wrong. He could already feel himself slipped into old habits, unsure how to resist or protest as his boyfriend played him like Strawberry played the violin. He could hardly move, unable to block out the intense feelings radiating from his cunt.
Steven’s fingers slowly pushed inside, just two, and Strawberry’s mouth fell open. He barely managed to close off his throat as he struggled to keep the noise down. Steven chuckled and when Strawberry opened his eyes he could see his boyfriend’s thick cock straining hard against his jeans.
Steven arched an eyebrow. “Where’s all your sexy noises? You know I like the sound, Berry. You’re not usually good at keeping the volume down.”
His voice came out husky as Steven’s thick fingers wiggled inside him. “W-well, we’re in a hotel. We don’t want anyone to hear us and ruin our good time.”
“Don’t worry,” he said with a laugh. “It’s a really nice hotel. As long as you’re not screaming at the top of your lungs, no one’s gonna hear. Be your normal noisy self.”
Strawberry felt a pout spring to his lips. “Maybe I’m not some weak little toy, have you thought about that? Maybe I’m a strong warrior dude.”
Steven snorted, raising an eyebrow. “Are you trying to say you’re not my soft little kitten?”
He choked, embarrassment scorching the back of his neck as he tugged against Steven’s pin, but there wasn’t any hope of breaking free. Instead, he settled for a squawk of indignation. “You’re not supposed to say it like that!”
His boyfriend’s thumb pressed against his clit, rubbing in slow, steady circles as his fingers stroked up, rubbing at the front of his cunt. A moan slipped out immediately, and Steven’s voice slipped to a low rumble. “You are a good boy . My very good boy. You’re soft and sensitive, and when I rub your clit your head gets all fuzzy.”
He whimpered, his pussy twitching around Steven’s fingers as the slow stroke of his thumb made him drip onto the bed. Sure enough, his normally sharp mind and clear head was full of cotton softness, growing more blurry with every pass. Submissiveness crept in as he felt himself fall back into the old pattern. “Yes, Steven.”
“That’s my good boy,” Steven purred, and the affirmation made him whine with pleasure. Not aggressive, not assertive, but nothing about Steven’s treatment made him feel anything other than male.
His hand stopped though, pulled away and left Strawberry wanting. He blinked his sleepy eyes with a little gasp. “Why’d you go?”
Steven raised his hand to his lips, leisurely sucking his fingers clean. He spoke between the slides of his tongue along his fingers, and Strawberry watched every motion with desperate wanting.
“I don’t like putting all this work in if I don’t get a thank you. I said I wouldn’t do that anymore.” He raised an eyebrow as he looked down at his boyfriend. “It’s cute the way your pussy gets all twitchy for me, but only good boys who make lots of noise get touched.”
His eyes slid away, wiggling as he tried not to be too humiliated. As he tried not to let that humiliation make him achingly horny. “I’ll make noise again, Steven. Please go back to touching me.”
This time, three fingers pushed inside him and he groaned as he started to feel filled. Steven was a horrible tease, his thumb rubbing above his clit so the pleasure was slightly distant. And then his boyish giggle came, as delighted as if he’d just won a round of a fighting game. “ There’s my noisy boy. If you want more, you’re going to have to beg for me, puppy.”
The name made him whine, pathetically squeaky sounds despite the worries of people overhearing. His mind stuttered with submissive bliss as Steven hit button after button, turning him into a mess of throbbing horniness. Three fingers weren’t enough, not when he could see the thick cock in Steven’s pants. He gasped between whimpers. “Okay! Please fuck me! Please fucked me until I cum, Steven, I’m so wet.”
“I know, because you’re such a good boy.” Steven spread his fingers against Strawberry’s walls, stretching him out and forcing another needy, loud moan for him. “With you this wet and hot I know you’d be a good fit.”
“Please,” he gasped. “However you want it.”
Steven smiled, and leaned down without a word. This time, when their lips touched the taste of strawberries filled his mouth. He groaned desperately as soda fizz bubbles tingles from head to toe. He shivered with delight as the healing kiss rewarded him for good behavior, for being sweet and and submissive and good.
The grip on his wrists released, his thighs let up, as Steven climbed off the bed. Off came the shirt, tossed somewhere in the room. His hands made quick work of his pants and boxers, kicking them aside so his cock sprung free. Strawberry couldn’t help but moan at the sight, as Steven’s hand slowly worked over the thick shaft.
A slow build wasn’t an option with Steven, not as thick as he was. They had to take their time, get prepared, but he was more than ready now. He could feel heat in his cheeks again as he looked at where he had soaked the sheets - not that he had much time to focus on it.
Steven was back, condom in his hand, and Strawberry reached up to still his fingers on the foil packet. “Actually, uh, I managed to get my IUD in. We can just…” His eyes flicked down, then back up to Steven’s face with a slightly silly grin. “I mean, unless you’ve been getting up to something I should know about.”
He laughed and kissed him again, more magic, more tingles. He giggled and swept his arms around his neck as they toppled back into the sheets. He could feel Steven’s cock slip against his cunt, but took the time to savor the way his boyfriend’s tongue moved against his.
Steven’s hand slipped down, and Strawberry let his arms fall back on the pillows with a groan as Steven slipped the slick head slowly over his slit. Each pass pushed a little deeper past his lips, until he was brushing up against the hole. Just the touch of him was enough to make Strawberry’s muscle twitch in response - soft and hot and hard.
“You’re so good, Steven,” he whispered.
“So are you,” he said, and there was no kiss this time.
Strawberry’s mouth was free to groan as Steven slowly entered. His thick cock pushed and stretched, a delicious tightness as his boyfriend pushed deeper and deeper into his dripping pussy. Soon he was pressed all the way to his belly.
Steven let his forehead fall down, his eyes closed tight as he held still, savoring his every pulse. They both took the time to adjust, clinging to one another in the intimacy of Steven being inside, before he pulled back and started slow, steady thrusts.
Although he was usually so eloquent, Strawberry found himself in nothing but wordless pleasure, whimpering and groaning as Steven pumped into him. He wrapped his legs up around Steven’s hips, anchoring him there as the pace started to pick up.
“Faster,” he gasped. “Please. I like it when you’re rough.”
Steven’s hands braced on either side of his shoulders and started in harder, each motion feeling almost like a slam as he fucked his boyfriend into the mattress. Strawberry arched and cried out, trying his best to have his hips match Steven’s ever increasing rhythm.
It was all he could do to keep up as Steven went faster, concerned more with his own pleasure as he rapidly approached the edge. One hand slid down to Strawberry’s hip, holding him steady as angle and pace made Strawberry moan and shake and cry with every powerful thrust.
“I love you,” Steven gasped, sweat soaking his wrinkled brow. “Fuck, I love you so much. You’re so good. Oh, stars.”
He was close. Strawberry could feel the way his shaft was tightening, could feel how his cock twitched needfully. He wrapped his arms around Steven’s neck, let his fingers rake down his spine, and tried to find the words to push him over the edge.
He whimpered into his ear. “I love you so much, Steven. I’d do anything for you. You’re so good and thick and… and fuck I couldn’t be any happier. You’re so good, Steven. You’re so, so good.”
The babbling was enough. Steven grunted and shuddered as he came, his hot cum emptying deep inside of Strawberry with steady pulses. His tongue eagerly swept along his only fingers, making them sparkle with spit.
Before Strawberry could think, his boyfriend’s magic hand was back on his clit, rubbing with that practiced pattern as tingles raced up his spine. Steven was still finishing, still cumming inside him, so his thick cock kept him stretched wide as Steven forced pleasure on the outside.
With all the teasing, it was more than enough. He cried as he came, face scrunched up tight as every muscle deep inside him throbbed and pulsed. Everything was black, his whole mind focused on heat and trembling pleasure as he came just moments behind Steven.
Soon he was spent, and the two of them fell side by side. They kissed, sloppy and silly as they giggled and murmured words of adoration to one another in the afterglow. The tightness of the binder around Strawberry’s chest was starting to sink in, but it wasn’t painful. That was a problem for later.
For now, he left his hand drift out to Steven’s belly. He smiled as his boyfriend sighed, the gem glowing slightly. Peaceful and fuzzy happiness would be filling his head, and Strawberry was all too happy to take advantage of it all as his fingers played across every lovely facet.
“Is this okay?” Strawberry murmured. “I don’t want to overwhelm you either.”
He shook his head with a giddy sigh. “Not at all. I love it. I love you .”
The repetition only made him happy as he snuggled closer, his head resting against Steven’s collarbone. The gem, smooth as glass, was hot to the touch, but not painfully or uncomfortably so. He simply enjoyed yet another magic part of his boyfriend, and relished that such a small action on his part could make Steven so happy.
“Was all that okay?” Steven murmured softly. “You know I care about you more than anything else in the world and I… I don’t want you to think that you being a boy changes that. I don’t want you to think that I’m not thinking of you as a boy, because I do. I-”
“I’m soft,” Strawberry cut him off quietly. “When it’s you and me, I’m soft. I can’t help it. I thought that it might make you see me as less of a man.”
Steven promised, “Never.”
He laughed a little. “Well, that’s what I was worried about, I guess. I’m squeaky and I’m squirmy and I’m weak when it comes to being with you. I don’t think anything’s ever going to change that, not even HRT. But you…”
Strawberry looked up at his boyfriend, and smiled at the worry and concern on his face. “You’re perfect. I never felt like a girl, not even once. You know how to make me feel like I am who I am, Steven. And you make me feel really loved while you’re doing it.”
“Of course.” He took his boyfriend’s slender hand and gently kissed the fingers. “You’re my knight, Strawberry. Nothing could ever change that. I’m always going to be here to make you feel good, just like you spent years taking care of me when no one else did.”
“I…” Strawberry felt the smile growing, unstoppable and excited. “Steven, do you think you could help me pick out a new name? A more permanent one. I think I’m ready.”
He laughed. “Of course!”
And, in their quiet spring break hotel room, they broke out their phones and went through boy names in the afterglow, snuggled beneath the covers, totally at peace.