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Alright, once more into the fray (and, yes, the pun was intended).
Before I start the discussion about Season Two, I want to revise my earlier remarks about the bashing. After reading everyone’s comments (especially Daisybelle’s) I’m now totally convinced that Chris Hobbs came to the prom with the intention of attacking Justin. What I’d thought were twinges of jealousy/desire on Hobbs’s face I now see as twitches of violent emotion because he knows he’s on the edge of seriously injuring (and perhaps killing) another human being – no matter how hated that person may be, it must be terrifying. So what that means is that I now totally & 100% believe that the attack would’ve happened whether Brian had come to the prom or not. Thus it is in no way his fault. In fact, if he hadn’t been there, Justin probably would’ve died. As one of my psychopathic clients once told me – never let a victim live, especially if he recognizes you.
So, Season Two, episode one. The theme? Everyone hates Brian (except Justin and Michael) and thinks he is to blame for Justin’s bashing. Especially Brian, himself. Nobody says it . . . well, not until Jennifer tells him point blank . . . but you know that everyone’s thinking it. Brian and his need to be the center or attention. Brian and his shitty judgment. Brian and his need to rub straight people’s noses in his sexuality. Brian who is and has always been irresponsible and caviler with people’s feelings – and now, apparently, their lives as well. (That's not my opinion, but I think it's everyone else's.)
The episode starts with Michael showing up at Babylon and asking where Brian is. He’s told that Brian’s where he usually is – in the backroom getting his dick sucked while Justin struggles to recover in the hospital. Michael goes to see for himself and is horrified to find out that it’s true.
The scene of Brian in the backroom is one of the most visually powerful in the whole show. He’s neither in this world nor the next – he’s in some kind of weird blue purgatory. Everything looks so cold and otherworldly, but not in a good way. Brian’s eyes are dead. He’s dead, or rather a piece of him is. He’s not even enjoying the ministrations of the two men between his legs. He’s just existing – and only just barely.
Later, Emmett says what everyone is probably thinking (except Michael): “When your boy-toy gets broken, get another toy.” Ouch. You cannot like Brian as a person and say something like that. True, Brian nurtures the appearance of indifference – or, at the very least, is avoiding everyone – but still. Ouch. So add Emmett to the list of people who clearly dislike Brian – Mel, Ted, Jennifer, Debbie, his family. Am I missing anyone? Even Michael’s devotion is shaken . . . at least until he sees the bloody scarf.
Brian is clearly still in shock, and Jesus Christ, he must be fucking exhausted! Between working, going to Babylon and spending the night at the hospital watching Justin, the guy can’t be getting more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep per night. Plus we know he isn’t taking care of himself. He’s doing drugs like crazy (mostly coke to stay awake) and not eating anything but junk food. It looks like he’s given up on life . . .
. . . meanwhile, Justin is fighting like crazy to get his back.
I know why Brian doesn’t visit while Justin’s awake. He just can’t deal with it. He’s fragile enough as it is. He’s scared and self-loathing. No one can blame him more than he does himself. But that said, you just want to SLAP him upside the head and tell him to grow up and fucking deal with it. There’s really no excuse for not visiting Justin – especially since he’s been told it might help. Yes, I understand why he didn’t, but I can’t excuse it. It’s cowardly – and, yes, self-centered. He’s doing penance, but penance is an inherently selfish act. It’s not about the person who’s been harmed; it’s about the “sinner” and his need for forgiveness. How is that not selfish? Wearing the bloody scarf didn’t help Justin; it was merely an attempt on Brian’s part to find some peace. Although, of course, as viewers, we see it and absolve him. We forgive him for not visiting Justin, which is bullshit. All the scarf tells us is that Brian is suffering. But so is Justin.
And then he tries to hide from Justin when Justin braves the world to search for him. Thank God for Michael’s chastising. Again, I know why Brian does it. He just simply cannot deal with seeing or talking to Justin. It’s understandable, but it’s also cowardly. And then the scene at the loft is one of my most hated scenes. Brian treats Justin so nonchalantly, saying that jerking off will help his hand. He acts as though nothing terrible and momentous has happened. Again, I get it. He can’t go there. I think this has happened to all of us at some point – I know it has to me. Words don’t feel like enough and so we don’t even try to talk. Words feel like they merely trivialize the event, but that’s when we force ourselves to talk – not because it’ll make us feel good but because it will help the other person to know that you acknowledge his pain, especially when much of the pain is your fault (I’m talking about Brian’s decision not to visit Justin, not the bashing). Again, it’s selfish.
I have always wondered how sincere Justin’s forgiveness is. After all, he doesn’t know that Hobbs had planned to attack him. He could very well believe what his mother does. But regardless, I think he realizes that Brian desperately needs his absolution (even if he still doesn’t believe he deserves it). It’s the greatest gift anyone can give another person. Justin sees that the gift is more important than the truth. It’s a pure act of love, which highlights even further Brian’s selfishness.
This sounds all very harsh, I know, but I really do see where Brian’s self-centered cowardice comes from. If he hated himself before the bashing, he hates himself twice as much afterward. He doubles-down on his act of indifference. His mask is even more rigid and uncaring than before. He was truly shaken by the bashing and is probably suffering from post-traumatic stress. He falls back on his tried-and-true defenses. He’s actually pretty fucked-up. Fucked-up people don’t behave rationally or responsibly; it’s part of what being fucked-up is all about. Brian doesn’t want to hurt Justin; he just simply can’t help it.
The final scene . . . I almost can’t talk about it because it is so so sad. Brian was tentatively trying to come out of his shell, and then Jennifer crushes him. Look at his expression as he walks to his Jeep. He looks stunned with pain. God only knows what he did after he drove away.
