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"Easy now, easy
The sun's in the west
The day and its troubles have gone to their rest
You did what you did and you gave it your best
Still, it's awfully hard to let go" Easy Now, Easy by Tom Paxton
Letting Go
Yesterday, I died and nobody mourned my passing.
It wasn't their fault. They didn't know that I was dead; it had been weeks since I was left with the enemy... since I became one of them. When I finally gave in and let what was left of my soul leave my body, it somehow made it back here; back to Atlantis.
Upon my arrival, there were no voices. I wasn't told a single thing, but I knew everything I needed to know. I had been given a day. A single day to watch the people I had come to think of as family. I couldn't speak to them, I couldn't even touch them. But I could watch.
And then I would fade away forever.
I tried to see as much as possible, follow as many people as I could, but it never seemed enough. I knew that my day would be coming to a close, but I couldn't stand the thought of letting this go. I needed to make sure my family would be safe. I needed to make sure that they didn't need me. I needed to stay.
Logically, I knew that I was being ridiculous. I had heard them speaking, my replacement had been chosen. Samantha Carter would make a wonderful leader. But I just couldn't wrap my mind around never coming back here. The thought that I could be replaced, that I wasn't needed, had never bothered me. Now it was all I could think about.
I knew that my day was almost over. I watched my friends laughing as they ate their dinner. I saw John and Rodney share one of their secret smiles. I watched Radek take a bite of food and then quickly scribble something on to a note pad. I saw Ronon shovel food down his throat like a starving man. Teyla said something that got the laughter started again. I wished I could be part of that laughter.
I felt the wind blow through my hair. They were calling me. I could almost hear their whispers of "this is it" and "hurry up".
I breathed in the smells of Atlantis, feeling the tears sting my eyes as I spoke. No one could hear me. No one would ever know I was here. But I needed to say good bye.
"This is Weir," I said, because that's what I always said, "thank you all for everything. When I picked this team, I knew I would only be taking the best. It's difficult for me to leave you. We have so much more work to get done. But I'm afraid this is it for me." I swallowed, "I want everyone to know how much this whole experience has meant to me. You've all done such a wonderful job, and I couldn't be prouder if I tried. I'm sorry that I can't continue this journey with you, I know that you will all achieve something wonderful." The tears were flowing freely now and I had to bite back a sob, "good bye to you all, my friends."
As I felt myself fading, felt them taking me away, I took one last look at the room and spoke my last words to Atlantis,
"Weir out"