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Johnny wasn't really thinking when he recommended the song.
It's natural, a normal gesture between bros - as much as it pained him to admit it. Mark was smiling throughout the whole song and thanking him for recommending it to him. Right, there's nothing strange about it, they do it all the time so it's not supposed to be some sort of special.
Here's the thing though, the song was kind of meaningful for him.
What he meant, the song practically reflected their relationship and Johnny didn't know how to feel at how Mark missed the point of the song.
They're kind of weird, their relationship, if he's to be honest. In the eyes of others, they're brothers, a perfect set of sibling, sometimes they're that cool father and chill son that hang out most of the time which made him cringed at how much it's not true. Father and son surely did not fuck around with one another and hopped on the same bed in every different country, nope, never.
Yeah, certainly not any of those relationships.
He wished they had a label to them though, they're not really a couple as they don't have time to do that, not quite the friends with benefits as they still took care of one another at most. All these years passing by made him realized how they never really need a label, or whatever it is for this thing they had.
Johnny had no one but himself to blame. This was supposed to be an innocent fling at first, both of them only going as far as making out with Mark on Johnny's lap and that's it. That's where it's supposed to stop.
What they didn't expect was Mark suddenly questioning what the hell were they doing and Johnny didn't have an answer for that so he decided that fucking Mark would shut him off for a while. It did; Mark, in his post-orgasm glow and heaving chest only stared at him for a while before offering a smile, just like he always do.
This whole ordeal started falling down a few months ago when Mark suddenly ignored him for no apparent reason. The other gravitated towards Yuta and chose to revel in the latter's affection more, especially in front of everyone. Taeyong got tired of it at one point and just sighed when he saw the pair together, Donghyuck complaining about another baggage at Mark's life that he needs to take care of - jokingly, of course, he'd be dead if it wasn't - and Jungwoo pouting when Yuta stole Mark away from their bonding time.
Johnny? Well, he didn't know what to feel about their interaction. Even until now, he had no words when it comes to them. Mostly because it wasn't really a serious deal and Mark still ended up on his bed every night, writhing away and aching for his touch.
It did become a big deal when Mark didn't go to his room like always.
He tried to remain patient and thought that maybe Mark was reviewing his new lyrics or so what with Taeyong. One night became a week, and Johnny felt like he didn't really see Mark that much anymore. Quite a dramatic dare he to say - they're literally in one group, they see each other every day but still, he stood by his point.
He confronted Mark about it one day, asking why he haven't been coming to him lately but the other only shrugged, "It's not a necessity, was it? I only go to you if I feel like it," and Johnny already knew he's lying. Mark, despite his shy person that he built around other people, would always be confident enough to look at Johnny's eyes if he's speaking to him.
"Did you fell for me?"
That was stupid. Truly stupid of Johnny to asked that to Mark.
He saw Mark's eyes widening, blinking rapidly before scoffing. "What the hell?" The trembling of Mark's hands didn't miss his eyes and he asked the other again, this time with a hand under his chin so Mark can't deflect his gaze no more.
The tension was growing rapidly and each seconds that was left silent gave Johnny an answer before Mark could even open his mouth.
"Let's stop here."
That's the last thing he said to Mark before turning around, trying to block out the sniffles from behind him. God, what kind of human he is? He knew that it's inevitable; love is a natural disaster and it's bound to happen for partners that found comfort in one another. He can't do it, he won't allow himself to do it - he's just glad that Mark decided to ignore him because as much as Johnny hate to admit it, he did realize that he was just leading the other on.
It hurts even more as months after that, here he is with a smiling Mark scrolling down his phone to search for some sort of an entertainment while Johnny can only live with the guilt ripping his inside and a heart that wish for the other's love even though he ruined his chances