Chapter Text
The road to recovery wasn’t an easy one. For the first time in over ten years, Rei had complete control over her everyday life. Her small apartment was far more quiet than her room back at the hospital. Although her children often came over to visit her, most days felt lonely. It wasn’t easy to get in contact with old friends, and the few she did always asked her what happened, where she was all this time, and what about her husband?
Answering each of those questions always prompted more to be asked, going down a rabbit hole and drawing her into the darkness. Enji was still a tough subject for her. Rei knew she needed to face him again, but didn’t know how. What was she going to say? Fuyumi had told her about how he’s changed, but Rei hadn’t seen it. She wasn’t sure how she could accept a “sorry.” Ten years of her life was permanently lost. How does someone make up for that?
Rei did believe he had changed. She believed what her children had said, and would believe Enji if he said, “I’m sorry.”
It didn’t change things. It didn’t change the fear she held towards him, the fear that had led her to snap and hurt her child. Shouto had forgiven her, but part of Rei hadn’t truly forgiven herself.
Enji wanted to see her, but had listened to Rei’s therapist about her needing to see him on her own terms. In the meantime, it was his money that was paying for the apartment and his money on the card she used to buy the things she needed. Would he want her to move back in with him eventually? Should she push for a divorce?
The uncertainties piled up, and there was only so much bi-weekly sessions with her therapist could do.
Rei needed a new life, she needed new friends and hobbies. If she could build herself up, maybe she could look forward to the future with her head held high. She was afraid that she’d just cave in and go back to Enji because she had nothing else. More than anything, she wanted to feel secure in having her own life. Not just the one she was married into.
While she tried out with clubs and casual meet-ups, she always felt a bit out of place. A lot of the participants were much younger than her, often by ten years at the least. Although they were always very kind to her, the bonds they shared with the others closer to their age were much more clear. It was hard to make those connections when it was difficult to open up about herself.
Oh, what do you do for a living? Do you have kids? Are you married? What college did you go to?
It wasn’t like she could drop her life’s story on some stranger, so she kept her answers vague, verging on lies at times. She didn’t want people to know that her husband was the number one hero. At the very least, being out of the media’s eye for so long left her safely unrecognized.
The first real friend she made was away from those groups.
“Sorry to bother you, but are you Shouto’s mother?”
It was late afternoon and Rei was enjoying lunch at a diner she frequented. The woman asking the question seemed vaguely familiar, black hair pulled back into a ponytail and red glasses framing her startling blue eyes. Rei was certain she had seen her before, but couldn’t quite place where.
“I am,” she said with a nod, smiling a bit. It was nice to be called “Shouto’s mother” rather than “Endeavor’s wife.”
The woman grinned, her smile absolutely dazzling. “Ah, thought so. You look so much like him.” She held out her hand. “I’m one of his teachers at school, Kayama Nemuri.”
Rei shook her hand. “Todoroki Rei,” she introduced in return. Nemuri’s name was also familiar, but she couldn’t quite place who her hero persona was.
“Hope the messes he gets himself into doesn’t stress you out too much,” Nemuri said with a laugh. “I swear each year the kids get more and more strong willed and reckless.”
With a sigh, Rei nodded. “I can only imagine. The stories I hear from Shouto sound so unreal at times.” Gesturing to the seat across from her, she invited Nemuri to stay. “If you aren’t busy, you’re free to join me.”
“I’d love to!”
To Rei’s pleasant surprise, Nemuri never tried dabbling into Rei’s backstory. If she was Shouto’s teacher, she must’ve known at least a little bit of what happened behind the scenes. As far as Rei knew, all teachers at UA were pro heroes, so even if Enji had kept her hospitalization under wraps and away from the media, it was a lot more known among pro heroes. But maybe it was that vague knowledge Nemuri had that did prevent her from asking questions and respecting Rei’s privacy.
It was nice not having to talk about herself. After the conversation strayed from Shouto, it moved into other topics. While Rei was rather out of touch with everything, Nemuri never acted surprised when she didn’t know something that was “common knowledge” and would explain or encourage her to look it up during her free time.
By the end, Rei almost didn’t want Nemuri to go.
“Hey, I know we just met, but I’d like to stay in contact if that’s alright with you?” Rei smiled nervously. “At my age it’s hard to connect with people.”
“Your age?” Nemuri laughed. “You make it sound like you’re an old lady. You don’t look a day over twenty-five.” That last bit was said more in a teasing tone. “But I’d love to stay in contact with you! I swear tryna be friends with female pro heroes is like having dozens of overly competitive sisters.”
They exchanged numbers, Nemuri being added to a rather dismal amount of contacts Rei had in her phone.
“I’ll only be free to go out on weekends, but after school hours, you’re more than free to call me to chat if you need to.”
Rei smiled, warmth spreading through her chest. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
Meeting up with Nemuri helped build up a new routine and got Rei out of the house to experience new things. She found herself in a little bit of an awe of how confidently and beautifully Nemuri carried herself. Once they were a little more familiar with each other, Rei quickly found out Nemuri had a bit more of a playful side. She was dramatic and exciting, and contrasted sharply from Rei’s more quiet and timid personality. However, Nemuri still managed to respect Rei’s boundaries, never pushing too far.
The term “best friend” felt too childish for a woman of her age, but she adored Nemuri. Rei thought she would’ve been fine if she found someone more like herself, much more calm, but quickly realized that this was what she needed. Someone who was out-going and gently pushed Rei forward.
On days when Nemuri was tired or the weather was nasty, she’d come over to Rei’s apartment. She’d introduce her to new shows and they’d make lunch or dinner together. With so many things to pull from, it also became easier for Rei to talk to other people. She didn’t feel like she was dropped into another dimension anymore, where things were familiar but still so different. Rei was starting to fit in and find her way.
Ever so slowly, Rei opened up to Nemuri concerning Enji. It was very different than talking to her therapist, and at first she wondered if she even should. If Nemuri was a pro, it was likely she worked with Enji. It helped her to talk about it to a friend, though, and Nemuri promised she wouldn’t confront Enji about any of the things Rei told her.
Part of Rei worried that she was overbearing. She knew how heavy her issues were and how few people she had to reach out to that weren’t her children. With time, she noticed that if she failed to call Nemuri due to her anxiety, the hero almost always called her instead. It was a relief to know that things weren’t so one sided.
It wasn’t until an embarrassing amount of time later that Rei realized she had absolutely no idea what Nemuri’s hero name was. They very rarely talked about heroes unless it was linked to Shouto, so it just never happened to come up. Rei felt a little silly, wondering if she had somehow missed Nemuri saying it. Being a hero was usually such a big part of most pro’s personalities.
A quick search and Rei realized that Nemuri wasn’t any different. The 18+ hero Midnight. Now that she was staring at the search result, she wondered how she never made that connection. It was so obvious. Nemuri was more toned down out of costume, but the similarities were still there.
There were a bunch of words that turned up along with the Midnight persona that she didn’t quite understand. She knew a lot of them were sex related, but had never looked into it before. When she was with Enji, they didn’t exactly explore and try new things in the bedroom. All that information was pointless for her to know.
Years later, doubting if she’d ever have sex again, she found herself… curious. She just wanted to finally know what all these sexual terms meant. BDSM was the most popular tag word associated with Midnight, so that’s what she looked at first.
A lot of it had Rei’s cheeks burning like she was still a naive teen. The sadism and masochism is what threw her off the most. In the back of her head, she knew exactly why she didn’t like that, but chose not to dwell in it. The more soft domination caught her attention a bit more. Tied up and completely submitted to someone else, but being treated tenderly left her heart racing a bit.
There were a bunch of terms thrown at her that she didn’t really understand, but shibari took her interest the most. A lot of it was non-sexual. Even if models were naked or mostly unclothed, it wasn’t always sexual. Maybe that’s why it caught her attention; something new and very different from her norm, but not as extreme feeling as a lot of the other stuff she had seen.
Although she closed out of her browser, deciding there was no point in thinking so much about all this, it was still very much on her mind the next time she saw Nemuri.
“Is something bothering you?” Nemuri asked. “You’re a little more quiet than usual.”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Rei wasn’t entirely sure if she should bring up what she looked up to Nemuri, but then realized she was probably the best person to talk to this about. “It’s just, the other day I had looked you up because…” she smiled apologetically, “I had forgotten what your hero name was. There was a lot of terms associated with you that I didn’t understand, so I ended up looking it up.”
Nemuri pursed her lips. “I hope you didn’t come across anything upsetting.”
“There was a lot I wasn’t exactly comfortable with, I admit.” Rei looked down at her hands in her lap. “Guess my thoughts are a bit preoccupied by a few other things I found that I wasn’t so uncomfortable with.” She knew her cheeks were probably a little pink. As much as she wanted to be confident about this like Nemuri was, she just didn’t have it in her.
Nemuri grinned. “Oh?” she questioned. “Do tell.”
Laughing a little, Rei shook her head. “This is a little embarrassing for me, I’ve never really talked about this .” Taking in a deep breath, she steadied her nerves. “Going down the rabbit hole led me to shibari. Feels a little silly, it’s not like I’m ever going to do any of this stuff… but I kind of wish I had when I was younger.”
“You know, you’re far from the oldest person into that, right?” Nemuri said, but not unkindly. “If you want to experiment, go for it! Never tell yourself you’re too old for something.”
“I’m technically still married.” Rei shook her head. “I’d need a partner for that kind of thing and it’s far too risky.” She sighed. “Besides, I must be crazy for wanting to give up control like that.”
Nemuri hummed. “I promise I could lead you to safe sources if you’re ever interested in acting on it. However, you’re not crazy for wanting to try something new. BDSM isn’t about someone forcefully taking control of you, it’s willingly given. Sure, doms like me run the show, but a sub can pause it whenever they want to. I think that’s the appeal to you.” She held up her hands. “That’s just my thoughts on things! I can be totally wrong.”
“I… I think you might actually be right about that last part.” Rei nodded slowly in agreement. When with Enji, she never really had the option of making things stop. If it hurt, if she was uncomfortable, she grit her teeth and bore through it. It was a quirk marriage after all, and that was her purpose. “I’m not confident like you, though.” She looked up from her hands and over to Nemuri. “I wouldn’t be able to reach out like that, especially to a stranger, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready for another relationship.”
The thought of ever being with someone again was a little daunting. Rei had always been infatuated with the idea of a fairy tale romance when she was a kid. It’s not the relationship she got when she was older, barely out of high school before she was married off and pregnant. While she was in school, she never dated anyone either. Rei wasn’t sure if she’d even know how to act in a loving relationship. Not to say Enji was awful all the time… at a few points in her life she thought she might actually love him, but she now knew that what they had wasn’t normal. It wasn’t what love was supposed to look like.
For a while, she had dreamed about meeting Enji and falling in love in school, so nothing that followed their marriage would happen. She longed for a normal and happy family and had spent too much of her time fantasizing about what it could have been like. It was a life she’d never have. It took her forever to weed out those thoughts, focus on her future instead of a past she couldn’t change.
Nemuri had to pull her from her thoughts.
“Don’t set yourself on never,” Nemuri said gently. “Of course, be aware of your limits and your feelings, don’t push yourself into something you don’t really want, but you’ll never be done growing and changing as a person.”
Rei nodded before a laugh bubbled up and she covered her face. “Just remembered this conversation is about BDSM.”
Nemuri laughed as well, shaking her head. “This applies to other things too! You’re so down on yourself. You may not see it, but you’re an incredibly strong woman, Rei.” She grinned. “Confidence is a mindset, not a personality. I know you can be sure and confident.”
“Easy to say when it seems so effortless for you.” Rei sighed softly. “I still wouldn’t be able to do something like that with a stranger with all the confidence in the world.”
“You don’t need a stranger, you literally know someone who does this professionally,” Nemuri tsked, shaking her head dramatically.
It took a second for the words to settle over Rei, cheeks heating up. “But we’re friends. You don’t think it’d be a little weird?”
Nemuri shook her head. “Not at all! As I said, I do this kind of thing professionally. I know for most people it seems weird, but with a mind set of ‘this is my job’ I hardly blink twice.” Her manicured nails tapped against the table they were sitting at. “I’ve done hardcore things with good friends and we can still face each other the next day without a problem. Shibari doesn’t even have to be sexual if you don’t want it to be.”
Rei almost felt a little ashamed for actually considering Nemuri’s offer. “I don’t know…” She was married, even if she was tinkering with the thought of officially divorcing Enji. Not to mention that currently, Nemuri was her closest friend and the thought of ruining that made her nervous. “I’ll think about it.” If Nemuri said to not say never, then maybe she should give herself a chance to think it over more before completely tossing it out?
“I’m certainly not gonna pressure you into anything and won’t bring it up again unless you want to talk about it.” Nemuri smiled reassuringly. “I know not everyone can be as casual about this as I am. You might not ever be ready for this sort of thing, but I want you to know that I’m here for you.”
Chest warm, Rei was so grateful to have met Nemuri. She couldn’t have imagined talking about things like this with anyone else throughout her life. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”