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Julien was not going to look. No, he wasn’t. It was the first rule of the very lengthy list Varric had given him on ‘how not to end up in jail’. Julien was not going to jail, because Aveline would be disappointed and then who on earth was going to take care of Fenris?
“Breathe Hawke.”
“I am breathing.” Julien bit out through clenched teeth staring at his mug with all the intensity and vitriol he could at his current predicament. The dwarf only raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the normally cheerful mage. He was surprised nothing had been set on fire, in fact Varric had good money Isabela was going to be set on fire if she didn’t stop flirting with Fenris soon. “I am breathing and acting like a calm and rational human being. Isabela is still alive, still breathing, and still not on fire.”
“Which is good, since having to arrest you for killing the whore would be a shitty ending to my day.”
“You’d never arrest me for that Aveline, you’d trump up a charge on destruction of public property…wait that’s the same thing isn’t it?” Normally Julien loved Isabela from her lovely blue bandanna to the tip of her thigh high boot covered toes. He would currently love her a lot more if she wasn’t sitting in Fenris’ lap caressing the elf’s face.
Julien knew he couldn’t compare to her. She was all dark and swarthy, full of worldly wisdom, and knew more about sex than most workers at the Rose. Julien was a freaky awkward pale monster of a man. He wasn’t the tallest person in the group by an inch, thank the Maker Anders was an Anders. No he was as tall as Carver, with more muscles than a mage should have but not enough to make him look attractive. He had white hair pulled back in a braid which looked awkward and awful on him because his skin was pale too and he looked like a freaky tall clumsy ghost person, not exotic and beautiful and everything Fenris was and Julien wasn’t. His eyes were the only good thing about him, a pretty shade of gray that reminded him of the sky right before a storm hit, but he had to wear glasses while he read or tried to do delicate work so that made everything so much worse.
Eyes were not going to attract someone as lovely as Fenris to his side. They were friends, good friends, best friends, and Fenris even deigned to forget that Hawke was a mage at times. Or he could overlook that one major hangup and stomach to be friends with him. Not that there’d be more, even though Fenris had taken his earliest attempts at flirtation in a stride.
“I just…” Julien looked over just in time to see Isabela plant a drunken kiss to Fenris’ mouth. Gritting his teeth he threw down his cards. “I fold.” His voice was uncharacteristically icy, because it hurt, knowing that he was the only one being driven mad by desire. The only one who cared this much, who wanted this much…
“Hawke?”
“Not tonight, Varric. I can’t, I just need to go kill thugs. Killing thugs will make me feel better.” Julien stood up, hastily and awkward with all the grace he had as giant book reading mageling could possess which actually fit into a thimble and didn’t fill it up. He stumbled, tripping and flailing about for a moment before he righted himself, pushing his glasses awkwardly up his nose and turning that awful shade of red he did when he made a fool of himself.
“You should take back up.” Aveline said as she started to rise but Hawke was on her quickly, pushing her back down only because Aveline allowed it. Julien had no grandiose ideas towards his strength and knew without a doubt he was a delicate flower of a man who honestly should have been locked up in the Circle Tower for the betterment of everyone…especially his poor skin who hated the sun with as much veracity as Fenris hated mages.
“No, no, I’ll be fine. I’m heading up, not down, and you know the gangs in Hightown are easily taken care of.” He was breathless and awkward and his skin felt too tight and he had to go. He had to go now before Fenris saw him departing, because it was their ritual to go back up to Hightown together. Julien wanted to be as far away from Fenris as he possibly could be, because Fenris out of everyone deserved to be loved on. Why not let Isabela do that? It wasn’t like she’d spent hours with the elf sipping wine and trading stories, talking about things ranging from earth shattering to nonsensical.
“Only by you Hawke.” Aveline said with a sigh which meant she’d given up and it made Julien smile if only a little. “Don’t worry about me.” He pressed an affectionate kiss to her ginger hair before making his escape. “I’m a big bad mage.” He wiggled his fingers at the table in a last goodbye before he made it out into the cool night air.
He was hip deep in some stupidly named band of thugs and mercenaries whacking some hapless fool with his bladed staff when a familiar war cry echoed through the area, turning all the attention from him to the glowing ball of fury barreling its way towards them. It took only a glance to see that this particular glowing ball of fury was not actually Anders, whom Julien was desperately hoping for. It wasn’t like his departure from the Hanged Man and then following him up to Hightown meant that Anders was being cock blocked. Julien hadn’t wanted to cock block Fenris, which was why he left because staying would have meant that Isabela was going to die a horrible horrible death, and Julien didn’t peg Fenris for necrophilia.
It was over much more quickly than Julien’s frustration wanted to allow. He wanted more people to kill, people who deserved to die, maybe killing them would earn him brownie points with the Maker and somehow would grant him a Fenris doppelganger all his own that he could love and be loved by.
The look Fenris was giving Julien said he might be meeting the Maker soon enough by Fenris’ helping hands.
“Hawke.”
“Hello Fenris…uh didn’t think you’d be out here.”
“You didn’t think I would follow you when I realized you were gone and the others said you’d gone home, alone?”
Shame curled in Julien’s belly and he tried not to shrink down and fidget. He only succeeded with shrinking, he did unfortunately fidget helplessly under Fenris’ stern gaze. At the sigh his friend gave him Julien just wanted to find a hole to crawl in and die. He wanted things as they were before, when they’d been happily unattached best friends where Julien didn’t realize that he was more than sorta kinda in love with the angry broody elf. It was not a happy realization that he loved Fenris, that his heart had somehow been taken by the elf and wasn’t likely ever going to be returned.
“…no?”
“Hawke.”
Fenris said his name like he couldn’t quite understand what brand of crazy was going through Hawke’s head right now but he wasn’t going to put up with any more reckless shenanigans. It was full of disapproval and exasperation, and perhaps a touch of concern that was well concealed.
“Fenris?”
“Yes?”
Julien looked down into those stern green eyes, the ones he fantasized about more times than he ever wanted to admit. His heart sped up and there was this painful ache in his entire body, because Maker save him but he really did love Fenris. He loved Fenris enough not to say anything, because Fenris valued their friendship so much and he respected Fenris’ boundries. Perhaps… perhaps this half mad idea would work and his heart would go to greener pastures and Fenris would be none the wiser and still think of him as an awesome not totally morally degenerate mage.
“Can you please say ‘no’ in that angry disapproval voice you have?”
Fenris eyebrow raised up in question, looking somewhere between amused and concerned for his friend.
“Hawke what is-“
“It seems my mother’s disapproving voice in my head isn’t enough anymore and I need something stronger to keep my impulses in check.” Julien muttered quickly with that awkward smile that somehow people found utterly charming. “You have such a wonderful disapproving voice, better than the Grand Cleric. It will make it so much better, because whenever I start imagining things I’ll hear your voice in my head very stern and disapproving, if not a bit angry, telling me ‘no’.”
“No Hawke, not until I-“
“There we have it! Perfect, it’s there now in my head keeping me from doing all sorts of nefarious magey things.” Julien interrupted again, arms moving enthusiastically as he tried to take a step back from Fenris. The elf’s eyes narrowed and followed him and there began the awkward dance of Julien trying to back away and Fenris following him until Julien unfortunately hit a wall and had nowhere else to go.
“Hawke.” Fenris pinned him to the wall, arms on either side of him that had Julien well and truly trapped. “You are going to tell me what is wrong, and you will tell me now.”
“But you don-“
“Don’t presume to know what I do or do not want. Now tell me Julien what has gotten you so worked up?”
Julien fidgeted turning that awful shade of red. Damn his pale skin! He couldn’t hide his embarrassment unless he decided to wear one of those awful Marcher masks. Julien tried to squirm away but Fenris kept him in place, determined eyes pinning him as well as his arms. His shame was killing him, so was his embarrassment, and he just wanted to get away and die because what sort of horrible person was he to lust after, love, Fenris? Fenris was never going to trust him ever again, it’d be worse than how Fenris dealt with Anders and Merrill and that would just kill Julien.
“T-there’s someone I like.” That was good, nice, and fairly neutral. Fenris’ eyes narrowed and his body stiffened.
“What?”
“I…uh…there’s this person I really like.”
There was a growl, a definite growl coming from Fenris. It was a delicious sound that had Julien trying not to melt as Fenris glared at him. A faint ethereal glow emanated from the markings and Julien felt like a sick bastard for finding them pretty despite knowing how painful it had been for Fenris to get them. Julien was a horrible horrible man who made his living off raiding the dead bodies of the people he killed. Lusting, loving, his straight best friend was only the icing on the cupcake of awful swooping evilness he was.
“They don’t like me back.” Julien added softly and the sadness in his voice didn’t need to be faked. Fenris softened a little at the obvious pain Julien was feeling. “In fact it’s very very wrong for me to like them. There’s just…a lot of…stuff and…they obviously like someone else. I’m all wrong for them anyway, apostate mage, man, all tall and awkward, lives with his mother, they’re so very beautiful and I’m…not. I had to leave or someone was going to be set on fire.” Julien finished his voice full of sorrow and trying to fight back tears.
“They’re with someone else? When they could have you?” Fenris sounded murderous, yes Julien confirmed with a miserable glance to Fenris’ face that it was his ‘I am going to kill people with my glowing fists’ face. It was usually reserved for slavers and crazy elf killing pedophiles. “They’re fools then.”
“No, he isn’t! He’s actually very smart an- bugger you weren’t supposed to know that.”
“You like men?” Fenris sounded surprised and Julien felt that the Maker was laughing at him in all his drunken deadbeat dad glory. That sort of derisive laughter with one finger pointing while the others were clutched around a bottle mostly empty of booze, Julien was one of the few who realized their god had left and he wasn’t coming back. Fools like Sebastian were the ever hopeful children that ‘daddy loved them’ and ‘was going to come home just as soon as I did x’.
He was trying to distract himself from thoughts of Fenris realizing that he was just another skirt wearing creeper who liked it up the ass.
“That…is surprising.”
The strangled sound of misery that Julien made had Fenris softening. “Haw- Julien I don’t care that you like men. I simply want a name so I know whom I’m supposed to beat sense into.” Julien shook his head unable to form words because shame was choking him to death. Fenris was being so understanding about then when his own family had started to treat him like he some unwanted lunatic great aunt who lived with fifteen cats who they had to put up with because he was family.
“Is it Varric?”
“What!?” Julien managed to make words again, his voice breathless and partially strangled and so so confused. He flailed, managing to not hit the elf because honestly didn’t need to add ‘crazy bastard who hits the friend he’s lusting after’ to his list of damnable traits. That was it he was going to go to confession and he was going to pour out every little piece of sin he could find in his dark twisted little heart and hope somehow if he didn’t kill the priest in charge of confessional that day through shock that he’d be forgiven by deadbeat daddy in the sky.
“You said that they were taken and that they didn’t like men, and Varric is the only one within our group whom those criteria apply to.” Fenris said evenly. “You’re also very close with him, it is natural to assume…”
“But he….there’s so much hair and he’s in love with his anthropomorphized crossbow, and how would the size thing work? I mean he’s got a great personality and he’s a bit of a pirate…but he isn’t that beautiful.”
“Then I know of no one in our acquaintance whom is straight, taken, and male.”
The words were there, they were so there. Julien just had to reach out and take them, cuddle them close and hope they didn’t bite his fingers when he petted them. Except…Fenris wasn’t to know. So he squirmed again trying desperately to break through the solid stone wall behind him.
“Sebastian?”
There was a look of abject horror on Julien’s face that answered Fenris’ question easily enough. It wasn’t hard to see that Sebastian was not on the list, and Julien kept squirming and trying to flail his way out of the situation because he was terrible at lying to his friends, feeling so guilty about it. Which is why he’d simply omitted telling them things, because it was easier than lying when they made their own assumptions.
“….The abomination?”
Fenris’ growl was deadly and it really shouldn’t make Julien feel so warm and tingly. It was no secret that Fenris and Anders fought over his attention, with Fenris usually winning due to proximity and sheer amount of free time. Apparently his reaction wasn’t what Fenris had wanted to see.
“You want the abomination!?”
“What!? No! Never!” Not that Anders wasn’t handsome in his own scruffy way, in fact the apostate was rather…intriguing. If Julien hadn’t met Anders first then there might have been…well it wasn’t useful right now because Fenris had stilled and was giving him this look.
“Julien is it me?” Fenris voice was soft, so so soft and Julien felt like a total and utter horrible arse.
“I’m so so sorry Fenris. I…I’ve been trying so hard because you’re with Isabela. I don’t want to…I mean…I’m a mage and…I’m a horrible horrible person for wanting you this much and I won’t touch I swear. I’ve done my best not to look or to violate our friendship with my unwan-mmphhnngg!?”
Julien had been talking, trying to make the situation better. Then it was made better, made magical by clawed gauntlets grabbing his clothing, which for the first few seconds had actually been terrifying, but then warm demanding lips had been pressed to his shutting him up more effectively that one of his mother’s glares. He made a sound of confusion, a pitiful whine in the back of his throat which was answered by a growl and a tongue being shoved into his mouth.
He wasn’t sure why the kiss ended and he made another unmanly needy little noise and tried to follow those magical lips. It was made better by one hand going to his hair, gripping it tightly as Fenris tilted his head to the side to bite and suck on Julien’s exposed neck.
Somehow, somewhere Julien had missed something important because he’d gone from near panic attack to being well and thoroughly owned and marked by Fenris. He was trying to connect the dots, but it was hard to do so because Fenris had just bitten his throat rather roughly and had caused such a desperate sound of submission.
“Julien.” Fenris growled as he nipped Julien’s jawline with sharp teeth, only to soothe the little hurts with a warm tongue. Julien shivered, his heart pounding in his chest.
“I was lying earlier when I said I was going to beat sense into whoever you wanted. I was going to kill them for taking your gaze away from me, from taking your affection away from me.” Fenris’ voice was low and perfect and Julien dared to twist his head just a little to place a soft kiss to the smooth skin of Fenris’ cheek.
Then reality crashed into him and he tried to move away.
“Isa-“
“Our arrangement is void because I wanted you and couldn’t have you and I was going to kill Merrill or Anders. She was stress relief and nothing more, because I wanted you.” Fenris followed him pressing Julien into the wall harder, and Maker the elf was strong and beautiful and perfect. “We were using each other. Now I have you and she will understand.”
Fenris pulled him from the wall with all the strength and grace of a predator while Julien just stumbled along dazed and mildly confused but so ridiculously happy. He followed Fenris, not to the Amell estate, but further up, further in, dragging him to Fenris’ dilapidated mansion. There were few words spoken, not many were needed as Fenris man handled the taller man into his home and dragged him up the stairs.
When they reached Fenris’ bedroom Julien found himself unceremoniously tossed onto the bed. It wasn’t easy for anyone to toss him anywhere, he was a tall slightly muscular persuasion. Fenris tossed him like he was nothing and Julien wanted to stretch out before the elf and beg as prettily as he could for Fenris to take him. He lay on the bed watching as Fenris stared at him, easily stripping off gauntlets and his armor until he stood naked from the waist up.
Beautiful, so beautiful. Julien’s expression was filled with open awe and care, his gray eyes taking in every inch of bared skin.
“Fenris you’re so…” Julien tried to come up with a word, any word that could encompass the living perfection in front of him. “beautiful is so inadequate a word for your youness.”
Fenris chuckled his eyes warm but filled with that darkness, a sheer want that Julien wondered how he could have missed it. Then he realized he was the poor sod who always tripped the damn wires on traps, stumbled over nonexistent roots, fell down stairs with all the grace of a three legged elephant, set fire to the chantry in Lothering on accident lighting a remembrance candle for his pet cat Bitey (which had actually been very fitting because Bitey had hated the revered Mother), who walked into solid walls more often than not, and usually had to have at least on companion between him and any sort of significant drop off of any kind.
…on a happier note Julien could make a kickass pie. Actually it was his only redeemable quality in the entire deal, and that he could cast magic. Lots of magic, very scary magic that had people charred to little bits or frozen solid (or if they were unlucky enough not to die with one of those, they usually were charred and frozen). He also had excellent penmanship, but that wasn’t as useful as pie making or magic.
Why was he thinking about this when he had a wonderfully half naked elf infront of him staring at him like he was a Santanalia present?
Because that elf was Fenris and Julien had no idea how to proceed or what to do because Julien was terrible at romance. He was terrible with people in general and he was surprised his friends had put up with him for so long, well maybe he did have an idea and it started with ‘p’ and ended with ‘ie’. Also he had a working shower and bath and why were they going to throw away a friend who could never say ‘no’ when they showed up all bedraggled and smelly and in desperate need of a warm relaxing bath.
Was he hyperventilating? No, no he’d just forgotten to breathe because Fenris was stalking closer to him with all that wonderful predatory grace. He really was a wolf, not that he was a creeper like Danarius, but Fenris was so strong and graceful with that wild edge that had Julien’s heart stuttering in his chest.
“Mmmm you look nervous.” Fenris should not be looking so pleased about Julien’s nervousness. Fenris shouldn’t be looking at Julien all flustered on the bed, hair starting to come out of his braid with his glasses askew like Julien was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Julien wasn’t the most beautiful thing anyone had ever seen, he was pale and giant and well pale with all sorts of awkward angles and he really should have just been born a girl because the awkwardness would have been more acceptable…perhaps? Maybe? Well the liking cock would have gone over better with his family.
Fenris climbed onto the bed, crawling over Julien, and Julien couldn’t help the wide eyed stare of arousal and barely contained confused terror. Fenris leaned down and kissed him again, all dark and possessive and it had Julien relaxing and melting back into the bed because Fenris’ mouth made everything better. The awkwardness in his own heart, his nervousness, it melted away in the face of those wonderful wine flavored lips and tongue.
Fenris pulled back just as Julien started to feel dizzy and breathless, his breath came out in gasps and soft pants as he looked up at Fenris. Fenris’ hand came up, toying with the rim of Julien’s glasses. “I would take them off if I didn’t find them so alluring. You’re beautiful Julien.” Fenris’ hand trailed down Julien’s cheek and jawline, trailing down to the clasps of Julien’s unflattering robes. “So delicate, so pale, I could crush you as easily as a flower.” Really that shouldn’t be so sexy, thinking of how despite Fenris’ inferior height and body mass the elf would do all sorts of unspeakable deadly things to him. “You have little idea of how the world works, you’re so bright, so beautiful, and you drive me mad with your naive flirting with every available creature with a pulse. I have to guard you from their unworthy filthy hands and feelings.”
“I…what?” Julien didn’t know he flirted with people. He hadn’t actively flirted with anyone except Fenris and Anders a couple of times when they first met, but their lack of response (or outright rejection) had Julien trying to sit quietly in his corner and not think sexy thoughts about hot men near him. Like Fenris, and maybe he overcompensated with trying not to flirt and managed to flirt anyway? Why did no one tell him he was flirting? He needed to be aware of such things before his life and morality devolved and he became Isabela. Only a pale unattractive version of her that had none of her charm and all of her debauchery…Aveline would put Julien to the sword herself before she let that happen…Julien hoped because no one wanted to see him running around pantless in thigh high boots.
“You flirt, with the Abomination, the blood mage, Isabela…”
“What? I mean I did with Anders but that was a long time ago and he rejected me so I stopped and…and… I thought I stopped, did I not? Maker how did I-mnnmhgg.” He was cut off again with another kiss, shorter this time but effective in its purpose. Fenris pulled away with a not so gentle nip to Julien’s bottom lip. Fenris’ magical wondrous dexterous hands had managed to open Julien’s robes with nary a trouble. Julien felt warm weapon calloused hands on his chest and he shivered, because they were Fenris’ hands, and Fenris’ touch was intoxicating because it was so sure and the lyrium made his magic hum pleasantly around and inside him.
Still those wonderful hands weren’t distracting enough because Julien began to realize that Fenris was stripping him. That they were going to get naked, and Julien wasn’t the sort to do well with being naked. Not that Julien hadn’t had a time or two on his belt (two if one counted the blowjob and one if one didn’t), but he wasn’t pretty not like Fenris and it made his cheeks heat up in shame.
“Can…can I blow out the candles?” The room was pitch black without them, and Julien had to hope that his lily white skin didn’t actually glow. It would be his luck if it did, but it hadn’t the few times he’d slept over curled up on Fenris’ bed. Fenris stopped moving, an eyebrow raised in question that had the shame in his cheeks moving into his stomach and throat.
“I-I just…” Really he tried not to flail, because flailing wasn’t sexy and Julien had to be sexy right now. Because this was likely some sort of weird dream and not reality because reality was rarely this awesome. By awesome he meant that he got to see Fenris in nothing but those tight stocking pant things that hid little from Julien’s imagination save the actual design of the lyrium tattoos on Fenris’ leg. “You’ll…I mean… You’re gorgeous, breathtaking, so masculine in every movement you make and every hair on your head. I’m dazzled by you and I’ve gotten stabbed or shot on several occasions because I’ve been watching you move on the battlefield and not doing the scary death magic thing. You’re so out of my league I never even dared to hope you’d like me back. Now this, you’re here and you’re half naked and giving me kisses that I’ve never thought I’d get and I…I don’t…I mean you’re a warrior and I’m a pasty little delicate mage flower that’s too tall, so less like a flower and more like a weed. But it still, I mean you’re beautiful and strong and I’m the creeper in the corner who reads Varric’s trashy copper romances and watches you when I think no one’s looking.”
Fenris leaned over him a dangerous look on his face. “I do not know who or what has made you think you are not beautiful, but I will find them and I will bring you their hearts on a platter for telling you such foolishness.” Fenris shifted down, straddling Julien’s hips with all the ease and authority of someone who knew exactly what they were doing and a not so subtle grinding had Julien’s gasping and grasping at the blankets. “You are elegant, Julien, clumsy and awkward at times, but your noble blood shows through. You’re moonlight made flesh, pale ethereal and easily swallowed by shadows or sun, but you’re radiant nonetheless. I’ve never met a man who wears his delicacy so well, you’re not weak, you’re strong, the strongest man I know. In my entire experience I’ve never met a man like you, you have no equal in mind, heart, soul, or body. And I am selfish but I am glad that I will be the one to teach you of your own loveliness.”
Julien fell a little…okay it was a lie, a lot more in love with Fenris. Fenris thought he was attractive in some very bizarre way. He liked the paleness, which was a first because most men liked their lovers to look like they stepped in the sun once in awhile, not pale as undriven snow , or terribly sort of lobster-y red when they did step out into the cursed sunlight. Julien wouldn’t go for someone like himself, he wasn’t that narcissistic or anything. In fact the only common features Julien and Fenris shared were the white hair and the fact that they were male.
“I’m a selfish man.” Fenris said, more purred as he took off Julien’s upper robe coat thing, leaving the poor mage in just his boots and flimsy pants. “I like knowing that I will be the one to show you your own loveliness.” Fenris bent down, his eyes locked with Julien’s. He stretched out slowly, pressing soft kisses to the pale skin of Julien’s chest, kisses turned to nips. Nips turned to sharp bites with warm wet tongue swiping over the abused skin, leaving stinging wounds that were going to bruise, but Julien didn’t mind. Fenris was claiming him, and that dark possessiveness that seemed to rise up in the elf just made Julien squirm in pleasure because it was frankly the most sexually intense feeling he’d ever had directed towards him.
Fenris gently scraped his teeth over one of Julien’s nipples, making him gasp and reach up, tentatively putting his hand in Fenris’ hair. Oh that felt nice, it felt so so nice, Fenris’ hair was so soft and silken, it moved like water through his fingers and suddenly Julien was very very afraid of what would happen if he gripped too tightly. What if he hurt Fenris? That wouldn’t be sexy, and he didn’t want to seem unsexy, but Fenris was doing wicked wonderful things to his nipples with his tongue and teeth. Julien had wanted to touch Fenris and find something to hold on to, which naturally had him going for the hair, but now that soft silken hair had him so worried that he might do something wrong and spoil it all an-
“Julien, calm down.” Fenris’ voice was a growl that vibrated Julien’s chest and Fenris’ breath felt so wonderfully warm against his skin. “You’re thinking too much again. It almost seems insulting you can think that hard, enough to worry about whatever nonsense has gotten into your head this time.” Fenris made eye contact again and Julien felt a shiver run up his spine at the predatory smile the elf had on his lips.
“Perhaps I should put your mind to better use, hmmm?” Fenris’ voice was wicked, filled with mischief that had Julien choking on the words of ‘yes please’ and ‘Maker I think you’re the most amazing person in the world and can I be with you forever because I really do love you with all my heart’. What came out was a weird sort of submissive whine that had Fenris growling happily in response.
Fenris moved up, reaching behind Julien’s head to take the hair tie out of his hair. Fenris ran his fingers through the strands, making a pleased noise at the disheveled look he created. A hungry kiss was pressed to Julien’s lips and the mage’s mind blanked for a moment as his mouth was once again taken and plundered.
“Off the bed Julien.” Fenris murmured against Julien’s lips. Panic filtered through his entire system. He’d been so terrible he was being kicked off the bed! Maker! He hadn’t meant to be that bad. There was a rough bite delivered to Julien’s bottom lip again, and really the mage shouldn’t find biting so wonderfully arousing but it was Fenris and therefore everything having to deal with the elf was sexy by default. The bite calmed him a little as he looked up at Fenris, a bit of a novelty really, and saw the passion still burning in his eyes. “Your pretty mouth is going to suck my cock.”
That stopped all thought and reasoning skills for a good two minutes as Julien stared, not quite uncomprehendingly, but more like his brain got short circuited from a hormone overload. Fenris just chuckled, because Fenris was good, and sauve and understood that Julien while a wonderfully loyal leader in battle was rather inept at everything else. It was what friends did, they understood things like that. Still Fenris was there, was looking so sexy and in charge and Julien wanted to purr because it was so damn alluring seeing Fenris so confident.
Then Julien was a hurried bit of rushed action, trying to get off the bed as quickly as he could which ended up having the desired effect except…well unless Fenris found getting accidentally tangled in recently shucked clothes and blankets sexy Julien was quite sure he’d just made a fool of himself.
“I’m going to crawl in a hole and die.” Julien murmured; face heating up in shame as he successfully untangled himself from the cloth. Fenris’ chuckle was husky, not derisive, and somehow soothing. Julien looked up as Fenris’ hand came and touched his cheek, sliding fingers down to underneath Julien’s chin and tilting his head up.
“I won’t allow that until you suck me off, amor meus.” Fenris’ teeth showed in the light, making him look wicked and dangerous but there was something so tender beneath the rough passion in his eyes. Julien tried to translate in his head from Arcanum of Common but then was short circuited by fingers in his hair gently tugging. “I am asking you for this Julien before I go mad with the need for you. All of you, for I find your faults as intriguing as your strengths. Do not be ashamed or embaressed, because you are you and it is you who I want and no one else.”
Julien wondered what he had done so right to deserve this wonderful man in front of him. He didn’t care what others thought, Fenris had more patience for the things that counted. Like now, putting up with Julien’s bumbling ineptitude and lack of grace in the bedroom. In fact Fenris seemed to like it, seemed to like knowing he turned Julien’s world upside down and that the mage had no idea what to grasp except Fenris.
Leaning forward Julien pressed between Fenris’ slender parted legs. Bending down he blushed, trying not to let his heart beat too loudly in his chest as nervousness washed over him again, and he nuzzled the half hard bulge in Fenris’ pants. A sharp intake of breath gave Julien a little more courage as he pressed his lips along the outline, mouthing Fenris’ cock through his pants.
“Tease.” Fenris muttered fondly, hands running through Julien’s hair, petting the taller man like a shy pup who’d run at any sudden movements. It wasn’t such an inaccurate analogy. Julien was nervous, was deathly afraid he’d mess this up and Fenris would kick him out. Still those hands in his hair, touching him, gave him enough courage to reach up and slowly pull Fenris’ pants down. It was an awkward shuffle, with Fenris helping, to get the stocking legging pant things off the elf’s body. Though when they were, Julien’s eyes lingered on the bared skin, the same wonderful olive color as the rest of Fenris’ body with the lyrium markings swirling everywhere.
It took a quick glance up to Fenris, a flush heating his cheeks, before Julien gently grabbed one of Fenris’ feet pressing a soft kiss to the top along a lyrium line. Fenris made a noise, akin to a question, but Julien didn’t let go. He moved up, kissing Fenris’ ankle, tongue tracing the lyrium line found there. It was like electricity ran through his body, all primal and powerful with the taste of magic mixed with the faint taste of Fenris’ sweat. It was a heady mixture and Maker if Fenris’ ankle did this to him then he was going to die a very sweet but painful death of Fenris overdose.
Feeling only slightly emboldened when he wasn’t kicked in the face, Julien let his tongue follow the elegant blue white line up Fenris’ leg. Julien felt the world starting to disconnect slightly, his head muddled and filled with little else other than Fenris. The sight of Fenris, the scent of Fenris, the taste of Fenris, it was overwhelming his poor senses and Julien was likely going to die because of it. Well at least he’d die happy.
Reaching Fenris’ hip Julien placed a gentle nip to the bone, smiling when he felt the return of Fenris’ hands to his hair. The elf was growling, a deep constant noise that would have been a purr if it hadn’t sounded so dangerous. Julien glanced up over the rim of his glasses, surprised to notice Fenris was literally glowing. No wonder he was feeling high and giddy, lyrium had that effect on mages in large enough doses or in a pure enough form. Fenris was literally a drug, he wondered if the older elf knew that and that was why he suggested Julien touch and taste him.
Sneaky bastard Julien thought with no small amount of affection. Giving Fenris what Julien hoped to be a teasing smile, he ducked down, bypassing Fenris’ erect cock to lap leisurely at Fenris’ balls. There was hiss and a muttered curse as Fenris’ hands tightened in Julien’s hair. Taking one into his mouth he sucked, humming low and pleasantly the first few bars of the Chant, which Julien hoped Fenris wasn’t going to notice because it was the first song he could think of to hum not that he was trying to be sacrilegious. Not that Julien could really be much worse than Sebastian who had Andraste on his crotch. Still it had the desired effect as the firm hands gripping his hair began to tug, guiding Julien away from Fenris’ balls.
“Suck me.” It was a command and really wasn’t that what Julien had been aiming for to begin with? Giving Fenris power over him, letting the warrior know that he was in charge and was controlling everything? Julien was only in charge during battlefield combat and random explorations, this, this Julien didn’t want control or leadership foisted onto him. Fenris seemed to understand or fell into the role naturally because his cock was rubbing against Julien’s lips, smearing them with precome.
If Julien had been more suave or sexually knowledgeable then he’d have said some witty one liner. If Julien had been more suave he likely wouldn’t have fallen to the floor earlier in a tangle of sheets. Still he did what he knew to do, opening his mouth obediently and sealing his lips around the head of Fenris’ cock. He sucked, gently at first, trying to figure out just what Fenris wanted, as his tongue brushed against the tip, swirling around it like a lollipop. It was a treat in a way, a Fenris flavored treat of sexual goodness that Julien was never ever going to say aloud to anyone…until the next time Isabela managed to spike his drink again. Then he’d likely say that, as well as a great deal more embarrassing uncharming (creepy) and awkward things.
“Good boy.” Fenris breathed out the praise, hands tangled in Julien’s hair almost painfully. He felt a swell of pride and a rush of arousal because…well Maker Julien was an awkwardly kinky bastard and he found that hot. Well Fenris was hot in general to maybe he could be forgiven for the handful of really kinky fantasies that popped up in his head. Right, never again was he going to read Varric or Isabela’s smut, gave him ideas to do things.
But he knew that the next time they were at the Hanged Man and Varric had ‘accidentally’ left out a copy of his latest draft or newest book out that Julien was going to read it. He was going to read it, scrawl little notes on the sides, constructive criticism for smut, but Varric usually regarded Julien’s prompts to be useful. They didn’t talk about it much, their mutual love for well written trash, but they understood that they were both men who enjoyed it. Still his earlier statement was really wishful thinking because if he continued to read Varric’s work then he’d have to read Isabela’s as well. It was what friends did, they read what was put in front of them.
Still his mind wasn’t really thinking too hard on that while he slowly moved his head down, taking more and more of Fenris into his mouth. Julien went down as far as he could go, embarrassed he couldn’t take all of Fenris into his mouth so he wrapped his hand around what was left. Julien hoped Fenris could overlook his inexperience and that he wasn’t too disappointed with Julien’s performance.
“You look so pretty with my cock in your mouth Julien.” Fenris’ voice was husky, and Julien could hear the slight catch in his breath when Julien sucked a little harder. “So sweet, and you’re mine now. You’re mine and no one else can have you like this.” A breathy moan of pleasure from Julien at hearing Fenris’ possessive words had Fenris bucking his hips up just a little into Julien’s mouth. Then with a harder tug Fenris had Julien off his cock, the bespectacled mage looking bewildered at his elven warrior.
“Did I-?”
“No, Maker.” Fenris let go of Julien’s hair and pulled the mage back up onto the bed. “No, next time I’m going to come in your mouth and have you swallow. Next time we can explore and play. I’m being a selfish man here.” Fenris leaned up and bit Julien’s neck, adding another bruise, another mark along the pale skin. “I want to take you, fuck you hard enough to where you won’t be able to leave my bed. I want to make sure you as well as everyone else knows you belong to me.”
“Oh…oh alright then.” Julien couldn’t even find capacity to even contemplate returning such wonderful marvelous words. He’d never known, never thought Fenris could do that. Why not? The elf had such a wonderful way with words normally, not like Varric, a different sort of ability. Still Julien had never thought, had never imagined Fenris saying that if only he didn’t want to grow terribly uncomfortable while talking with the other man. Oh whom was he kidding? Julien already grew uncomfortably warm whenever he got to listen to Fenris speak. “Though I thought everyone already knew I was your bitch.”
Fenris chuckled and gave Julien a wicked smirk filled with promises of a carnal nature. It didn’t mitigate the need for Julien to want to crawl in a hole and die for even saying that aloud. Before he could apologize or backtrack Fenris flipped them over, Julien laying back on the bed again with the slender elf on top of him. “You are my bitch Julien.” Fenris muttered, possessiveness coloring his tone as the elf moved down Julien’s body. “No one else’s, I’ll kill them if they try to take you.”
“That isn’t going to be much of unnn…problem.” Julien gasped as Fenris gently scraped his teeth across Julien’s stomach. The elf moved down far enough to roughly tug off Julien’s boots, then his pants, leaving Julien bare before Fenris.
“No smallclothes?” Fenris’ voice had a curious ring to it, which made Julien squirm under the elf’s heated gaze. “It was a dare…with Isabela to see how many days I could go without wearing them.”
“She knew you were wearing nothing underneath?”
“Well to make sure I wasn’t cheating she’d check.”
Did Julien smell ozone? He was sure he smelled ozone, and that thunderous look on Fenris’ face explained a little of it. Except that didn’t work, did it? Fenris couldn’t change the atmosphere with his moods…could he? Julien wasn’t going to think about it too much when Fenris took Julien’s cock in his sword calloused hand and stroked. It should hurt, it should be not nearly as pleasant and Maker he was going to be offering up a rather large tithe next time he went to the Chantry because the Maker had given him a wonderful marvelous gift in the shape of Fenris. So maybe he wasn’t as much of a horribly drunken deadbeat daddy as Julien had thought.
He’d just have to make sure to note on it that Sister Petrice could not handle a single copper of it because Julien was pretty sure she wasn’t doing the Maker’s work an-
“She saw your cock?” Oh, right, not quite an argument but Fenris was angry and seemed a little jealous. Julien didn’t know exactly why because Isabela didn’t want him.
“N-no, she unnngh she just groped my ass to feel ahh oh…to feel for the smallclothes line.” Fenris had shifted further down the bed, breath ghosting across Julien’s length. “I didn’t think anyone would want to see me naked.”
Fenris growled, protectively, possessively and he licked the underside of Julien’s cock from base to tip. Julien whined in the back of his throat, pitiful really, but he wasn’t used to this sort of attention anywhere in the vicinity of his cock, let alone on it. It was also Fenris which made the touch even more potent, and he really was going to be the ‘girl’ in the relationship? Well that was fine, really, because Julien was besties with Aveline and there was nothing that quite poked at your manly pride than having Aveline to compare yourself next to. Not that Aveline was a hulking monstrosity of butchness and Aveline had admitted once that Julien had made her question her own womanly charms. It ended up falling into a ‘you are what you are and there’s someone out there who will love you for who you are’. Julien’s words to Aveline, but while Aveline had felt a little better afterwards Julien realized that his words hadn’t really applied to him.
Now he had Fenris between his legs, planting warm wet kisses along his cock. So he wasn’t sure what to call it except a miracle or a very horrible practical joke. Julien nearly panicked when Fenris moved away from him, from the bed entirely and got up. Until he saw that Fenris had been heading towards his nightstand, opening a drawer he pulled out a bottle of oil. Fenris held it out to Julien who took it with a questioning look.
“Don’t you want to stretch me?” Fenris asked and Julien’s mouth dropped open. His heart sped up and he blinked, Fenris was offering to let Julien top? As in let him put his…in Fenris’… uh…wha..bwah…
“Fenris?” Julien’s brain finally started working again. He held the bottle loosely still in his hand looking up at the elf with such a terribly confused look. “I…I sorta wanted you to top.” Julien whispered quietly trying to press himself back into the mattress. This was embarrassing, this was…
“I didn’t want to take all the control away from you Julien.” Fenris voice was soothing but the elf easily plucked the oil from Julien’s fingers. “Though if you’re giving it all to me I’ll take it. Not every man wants to be so thoroughly owned by an elf and I do know how to make you sore enough to where you won’t leave my bed even if you ‘top’.”
“You’re you Fenris. I…Maker I know I can give up everything to you and know you…you won’t hurt me or take advantage. So…so what if I’m bigger? You’ll enjoy it far more than I will, you won’t make a huge mess of it either like I have in the past. Besides I enjoy the idea of…of being you bitch and having my ass...owned by...you." Julien finished with an awkward mumble, his cheek red as he looked away from where Fenris was.
“Look at me.” Well there went that plan, Julien thought ruefully as he looked up, surprised that Fenris hadn’t taken his glasses off yet. Perhaps Fenris had a glasses kink? He’d ask later when he could talk and not interrupt almost sexing time. Because Julien had already done that enough, and he really was just trying to stall from having to look at Fenris. Which wouldn’t work at all when he thought about it because Fenris couldn’t hear his thoughts and... Right looking at Fenris.
When he made eye contact with the older elf Julien’s breath caught in his chest. He’d never been looked at like that before, like he was some amazing and sensual treasure spread out only for Fenris’ enjoyment. There was need, passion, and want, but then beneath there was something darker but also softer. Julien didn’t know what he’d done to earn that look, or earn Fenris here, but he wanted to know just so he could keep doing it.
Fenris uncorked the oil, putting a goodly amount onto his fingers. He kept eye contact with Julien, watching him as Fenris slowly teased Julien’s pucker with oil slicked fingers. Then a finger slid inside and Julien squirmed just a little at the vaguely familiar but still sorta knew feeling. It had to be the lyrium on Fenris’ fingers that made it feel so different, so charged, even as Fenris was taking it slow. Julien grabbed his magic and held it close and tight to his chest, because those wonderfully lyrium marked fingers were in a very sensitive place and it was starting to overwhelm him a little, especially when a second finger was added in there.
“Julien?” Fenris’ voice was concerned, which was not a good tone to have in the bedroom. Julien opened his eyes, wondering when he’d closed them to begin with, and looked at his hopefully soon to be lover. Fenris’ fingers were still firmly in his ass, which was a good sign Julien hadn’t done anything wrong…but they’d stopped moving. “You tensed up, did I do someth-“
“What? No! Oh no you didn’t.” Julien’s voice was a tad breathless as he concentrated on relaxing again. “No it’s just…you’re too good, you feel so so good, and the lyrium makes everything all tingly and magical in a very pleasantly new way. Since one would have to be insane to put lyrium…there in normal circumstances and I didn’t want to, it feels so good and you’re you and ohhh…unn Fenris!” Julien arched his hips into Fenris’ fingers when he brushed against Julien’s prostate. It should have been embarrassing, likely would be when the pleasure faded but oh it was good right now.
“What were you saying Julien?” Fenris sounded smug as he teased Julien. Julien bit his lip, trying to stifle some of the more undignified mewls that wanted to claw up from his throat. Words, right, Fenris wanted words and coherent sentences. Which was becoming harder and harder to do as the elf added a third finger inside.
“Tensing..up, magic. Yes magic, I don’t want to…do magic..want to be normal for you, so I won’t make a magical mistake and have you leave…and had to concentrate to keep it inside. If I get too lost I could do…uuungh something bad.”
Fenris chuckled pumping his fingers languidly in and out of Julien’s ass. He seemed to like the image of Julien sprawled on his bed, legs spread ass offered, cheeks flushed and lips parted. Fenris was a strange man now in Julien’s mind, but it was an oddity Julien was going to exploit because it meant he was going to get more Fenris sexy times if he did.
“I do know what I’m getting in to Julien.” Fenris’ voice was dark again, and he placed a warm kiss to the delicate skin of Julien’s inner thighs. “I know that I’ll be doing my job if I make a mage of your caliber lose some control.”
Bwah was the only semi coherent thought that went through Julien’s mind. Fenris could do that to him, take all those thoughts swimming in Julien’s head and simply stun them or push them into a silent submission. The look Fenris gave him told Julien that the elf knew that and was mercilessly using his newfound skill. Not that Julien minded that much. Also Fenris had given him the god ahead, not to set anything on fire persay, but to at least not concentrate so hard on keeping everything inside.
Then those wonderful fingers were removed and Julien whined in the back of his throat at their loss. A pillow was grabbed from somewhere by Julien’s head and shoved forcefully underneath him. Then Fenris moved, pressing his cock against Julien’s entrance, rubbing it teasingly as the elf nibbled on Julien’s lower lip.
Julien forgot to breathe when he felt Fenris push in slowly. It burned a little, despite how well Fenris had stretched him, and hurt just a tiny bit but it was ignored in favor of simply feeling so well and thoroughly owned. It was slow but Maker it made Julien feel every inch of Fenris inside him, and that was sexier to him in this moment than if Fenris had just slammed his way in. When Fenris had pushed all the way inside both men were sweating and panting, Julien looking dazed as he memorized Fenris’ raw expression.
It was hard to tell which one of them moved first, but it was all the encouragement Fenris needed to start. The pace was slow but each thrust rocked the bed and somewhere in the back of Julien’s mind the mage was awed by the sheer strength Fenris had at his disposal. Julien clawed at the bed sheets, trying to grab a hold of anything he could to keep him steady, to keep him from losing all control and drowning in the pleasure.
“Touch me.” Fenris growled out the command and Julien obeyed without question. Maker Fenris was so solid, so strong, velvet skin wrapped around pure steel. The dichotomy between Fenris’ slender elven frame and his barbarian strength was so alluring to Julien, how Fenris could be so contradictory, appearing one thing and actually be another. Slender fingers clung to Fenris’ shoulders as one leg hooked around Fenris’ waist. Fenris wouldn’t let him drown in this, Fenris would save him from this exquisite torture.
Fenris shifted slightly, searching for a few moments before he found Julien’s prostate. The mage gave a startled cry and the elf made a low throaty sound of possessiveness at making his lover feel pleasure. That began the onslaught against Julien’s willpower and self control, the warrior relentlessly pressing against the mage’s prostate at a faster pace.
It started off as a trickle, falling through Julien’s fingers so subtly that it was almost impossible to tell that it was happening. Then the trickle became an accidental stream, noticeable to both Julien and Fenris that it was happening. Julien moved as if to try and regain some control, but Fenris pressed harder into the mage, turning his head to bite Julien’s neck warningly and the mage submitted to the elf’s will.
“F-Fenris ah…unnggh!” Julien couldn’t articulate the sentence he needed to say even if his mother’s life depended on it. The elf gave a rumbling chuckle, quickening his pace and starting to lose his rhythm. He didn’t answer with words, reaching between their bodies to grab Julien’s cock and stroking him.
The world came apart at the seams, Julien was obliterated in a white flash of light, or so it felt. All he could do was give a broken cry that might or might not have been Fenris’ name. His magic flooded out and the room trembled just a little, but it mostly simply centered on Fenris, wrapping the elf in power and emotions, skirting along the lyrium lines. Julien distantly heard Fenris’ voice, broken and rough as the elf slammed into him keeping himself buried deep as Fenris fell off the edge as well.
Laying tangled together on the bed sheets Julien pressed soft kisses to every piece of Fenris he could reach without moving too far to get there. It was a very disappointing amount of places he could reach, but at least he could still reach them.
“Mine.” Fenris mumbled or grumbled, it was hard to tell which word was more apt to describe that wonderfully sated rumbly tone that Fenris had just used. Words properly describing it aside, Julien loved that tone, if only because he knew he was the one who brought it out in the surly elf. Still it was rather disheartening to know Fenris could make words still while Julien was fuzzily trying to grasp at sounds that weren’t inarticulate grunts.
“Mmmmm.” That was the closest Fenris was going to get to an answer for a little while as far as Julien was concerned. The affirmative got a little nip to his neck which made Julien even more pleased, and he was certainly wondering where he’d picked up the biting kink or if it was wrapped up in the bigger Fenris kink. Probably the latter, if it was Fenris oriented Julien was fairly certain he could get behind whatever his lover wanted.
Was it okay to call Fenris his lover? Well they were lovers now weren’t they? The sex was a big tipoff, but what if it was a onetime deal? What if Fenris went back to Isabela? Then Julien would be stuck in this state of awkward limbo where he remembered what being with Fenris was like but being honor bound to respect the elf’s wishes…well he’d respect them so far, but if Isabela decided to kiss Fenris in sight of the poor mage then she’d find someplace so severely on fire that even Anders wouldn’t be able to fix her up. Julien wouldn’t be able to win in a catfight between them if it was just down to the artful application of hair pulling and clawing (Julien was terrible at fighting, he always lost to Bethany, poor sweet Bethany who had nails like talons and teeth like knives. He only survived attacks from his little sister through magic and learning how not to piss her off). But he had magic on his side, very big scary magical power and the ability to revoke Isabela’s pie privileges. The latter would be the most likely candidate to get her to stay away from Fenris.
“You’re thinking too much again.” Fenris chided. “It seems I need to get better if you can still worry over something after sex.” Julien sucked in a breath, almost fidgeted, then was reminded by his ass that moving was perhaps not the wisest course of action so he stilled.
“How did you know?” Words! He could use them again! Marvelous, except not so marvelous right now because they’d come back to him at the wrong point. Not at the fuzzy warm afterglow where he could murmur his undying love stage but at the ‘am I going to have to make the walk of shame back home and hope the house dwarves, mother, and Orana do not see me’ stage. Yes words, come back at the wrong stage. He was going to have words…with his words…
“You have a very distinct expression when you start thinking too much or begin to worry.”
“Oh…” Julien nibbled on his bottom lip, cheeks heating with embarrassment. “I…was…just wondering… about the etiquette in these…sorts of situations?” Julien knew he sounded breathless and unsure, but frankly he was both of those things and it wasn’t like he was trying to have a diplomatic conversation with the Arishok. “Are we-
--
“It amazes me at how well you seem to be able to make up tall tales.” Fenris grumbled glaring at the dwarf from across the table. “Or how well you have his thought process down.”
“What can I say Broody, you’re friends with a guy for a couple of years and you start to learn how he thinks.” Varric tapped his forehead knowingly. “So how did I do?”
“Not bad, except it never happened.” Fenris closed the book and slid it across the table to Varric. The dwarf taking the book back into his possession with an amused smile. The dwarf let his eyes linger on the red token on Fenris’ wrist and the elf glowered at the dwarf when he noticed where the gaze had strayed. Varric wasn’t surprised by the elf’s defensiveness over the token, Varric was protective of Bianca in his own way.
“So I take Hawke’s newfound timidity towards you and that token have no common origin?”
“Think what you will dwarf.”
“Oh I do Broody. Oh I do.” There was a pause as both men looked at each other.
“…Has the abomination?”
“Not yet, and not for lack of trying either. Hawke’s the sort where you have to hit him over the head before he realizes someone’s taken interest in him. Blondie’s going to get blue balls if he thinks Hawke’s going to actually make a move.”
“May they rot off; he has no use for them.” Fenris growled, picking up the goblet in front of him and choking down whatever the swill they called wine at the Hanged Man actually was. Putting his now empty goblet on the table he stared at Varric. “I need to go, Aveline sent me word she wasn’t going to be able to work with Hawke today and since he’s become too afraid to ask me for help I am going to offer it before he does something foolish and asks Isabela to play the warrior.”
“Which he already has, as you know.”
“I know, which is why I bribed her to plead off and I am going in her stead.”
Varric laughed as he got up, grabbing Bianca. “I like how you work elf. Now let’s go keep our favorite mage from getting himself killed by tripping over a root on the way to vanquish some mythical Dalish monster.”
“That was last week Varric.”
“Oh, well let’s see what improbable creature Hawke stumbles upon today. Two sovereigns says it’s going to be dragons.”
“Heh I’ll see your dragons, raise you a sovereign and say that it’s going to be spiders.”
“Deal.”
Both men walked off in companionable silence towards their destination each assured they were going to win today’s wager. The comfortable knowledge that there was another man like them, wearing a token to remember their beloved’s affection for all the world to see. They were taken men, even if they were alone.