Chapter Text
Meng Yao is meant to be an alpha. That’s what his mother always says. Nevermind that he grows up small and cute, with wide eyes and deep dimples. Meng Shi is convinced her son will be an alpha, will one day join his father at the Lanling Jin sect and become a world-renowned cultivator.
By thirteen, when Meng Yao still hasn’t presented as an alpha, he begins to make alternate plans. It’s no shock that he might end up a beta. Betas breed true, after all. Even in an alpha/beta or beta/omega pairing, nine out of every ten children end up as betas. Meng Yao is pretty and he knows the brothel will keep him on if he wants to stay. If he’s lucky, he’ll continue to do menial work until he’s twenty—the official age of adulthood.
But Meng Yao grew up pretty. He doubts he will be lucky. Even among the noble class—the cultivators—it wasn’t uncommon to marry in ones’ teens. Why should a brothel worker be afforded the chance to have an extended childhood?
Except Meng Yao grew up pretty indeed. Late teens he could probably handle, but he is only thirteen and he’s already received several heavy-handed offers. Every year, as he still fails to present, he sees the stress weighing on his mother. She tells him to avoid the matron, for the last time the old woman caught sight of Meng Yao there was nothing but calculation in her gaze.
Meng Yao does not want to have sex with the kind of people who visit brothels like the one he has grown up in. Neither does his mother want that life for him.
“You’re so smart, A-Yao,” she says often, and encourages him to read the simple cultivation manuals she scavenged.
Meng Shi has lived so long under the belief that he will form a golden core that she isn’t much use when he asks for alternatives to this life. Aunt Sisi is more helpful. They talk about merchant clans and scholarly work and making oneself invaluable.
“Wherever you choose to get your start, you have to be the hardest worker there,” Aunt Sisi tells him. “The first to arrive and last to leave. You must be respectful, even to your peers. They’ll probably bully you, because you’ll make them feel inadequate, but you must never stoop their level. Hold your tongue, no matter what they say, what insults they spew. Hard work will win out in the end. Someone with power will notice you. That’s how you’ll make your way.”
Meng Yao takes Aunt Sisi’s words to heart. He begins to do odd jobs around Yunping, saving carefully so that he’ll have enough to get his start. He’s grateful his mother learned how to read and write—and taught him in turn. He would truly have little options, otherwise.
Then, just before his fifteenth birthday, Meng Yao presents as an omega.
His mother and Aunt Sisi sneak him out of the brothel even as the heat burns through his veins. He wonders if they will all hurt like this, or if it’s the formation of his golden core that makes the first time worse. The musings are a defense tactic against his own fear.
“I always knew you’d be a cultivator, baby,” his mother says. She’s crying freely. “You must go to your father. He will take you in. He must take you in.”
He knows what she isn’t saying. He can never return here. If the matron discovers he’s an omega, he won’t be allowed to leave. His heats will be sold to the highest bidders. He knows enough to imagine what it would be like—a new patron every other hour, greedy hands pawing at him while he’s vulnerable, betas breeding him for the hopes of an alpha or omega child of their own.
He won’t even be able to become a merchant or scholar anymore. If he plays his cards right, he could become a young lord or lady’s mate. He could find someone who won’t share him, who might even give him control of the household finances and other such things. It wouldn’t be a terrible life, if he’s lucky. But he’s still just fourteen and the thought of selling himself to someone for safety is terrifying.
“You need to find a place to hide until this is over,” Aunt Sisi tells him. She’s spraying perfume like another robe, trying to help him mask the scent of his heat.
“Take care of Mother, please,” Meng Yao begs her quietly.
Aunt Sisi nods, though Meng Yao is aware it’s not something she can truly promise.
He can’t hug his mother goodbye without risking his heat scent getting on her. They smile at each other one last time. Her smile is a plea for his safety, his a promise to never forget her and everything she’s done for him. He takes his meager savings and the pearl his father gave his mother before he left her.
He heads to the woods outside Yunping and swims in a river as far as he can manage. The cold water soothes some of the heat fever, but more importantly it will throw any enterprising alphas off his scent.
Then he finds the hollow of a dead tree and sweats his way through the rest of his heat. He doesn’t dare touch himself, knowing that if he bares his skin the heat scent will spread further. He spends the next few days hungry and miserable—unable to sleep for fear of being snuck upon by a wayward traveler.
When the heat finally ends, he washes himself in the river, clothes still on. He doesn’t dare get naked out here, alone. He has never felt so vulnerable.
He uses up most of his savings getting to Lanling. He arrives the day of his birthday. Fifteen. He passes a bookstore—a beautiful store befitting of the glamourous Lanling City. If he were a beta, could he have found work someplace like that? He takes a moment to mourn the life he thought he’d have.
The moment doesn’t last long. He has a chance to be a cultivator. He knows he’s older than most, that he’s untrained, but since golden cores don’t form until presentation surely he won’t be too far behind the other disciples? Surely his father will support him, will welcome him to the Jin sect?
The guards tell Meng Yao that Sect Leader Jin is too busy to see him.
“It’s his son’s birthday, you realize,” one of the guards says. “He won’t be entertaining street rats during such an important event.”
His son’s birthday? Could it be that he throws a party every year to celebrate Meng Yao’s birth? Meng Yao doesn’t understand why he’d do that and not take him and his mother in, but the world of cultivators is a strange one. Perhaps he’s been waiting impatiently all this time for Meng Yao to present.
He makes a fool of himself, until finally Sect Leader Jin is summoned. He shows him the pearl, tells him that he’s the son Jin Guangshan has been waiting for.
“What use do I have for an omega of ill breeding?” His father sneers.
“But… my birthday…”
“Your birthday? Are you delusional? It is my son’s thirteenth today. He presented as an alpha just last month, as I knew he would. Who are you to attempt to take his place?”
Meng Yao watches, horrified, as Jin Guangshan shatters the pearl between two fingers. He tries to plead with his father one more time—
It’s a long fall down the stairs of Koi Tower.
Meng Yao ends up at Qinghe, because he hears that the Nie sect will accept any disciple willing to work hard. He remembers Aunt Sisi’s advice. He’s the first to the practice grounds every morning and the last to leave. He volunteers to clean, to fetch the other disciples’ water, to cook the food on night hunts.
Aunt Sisi was right. His dedication attracts the attention of Sect Leader Nie himself and, at the age of sixteen, he becomes Nie Mingjue’s assistant. Nie Mingjue is a terrifyingly strong cultivator, but his head for management is less impressive. Meng Yao makes himself invaluable and in return Nie Mingjue helps him train his cultivation. His core is fairly weak and that, combined with his late start, means he will struggle to rise above his current position.
He fantasizes about being strong enough to claim Nie Mingjue. He would not mind being Consort Nie. He knows Qinghe well at this point, has come to call the Unclean Realm his home.
He worries about another omega claiming his sect leader first. There’s every reason said omega would have him kicked out of his current position, would take over his duties and send him far away so there’s no chance of Nie Mingjue’s attention straying. Nevermind that Meng Yao doesn’t believe Nie Mingjue the type to sleep around behind his spouse’s back—he understands that jealousy is rarely reasonable.
Meng Yao is eighteen and well-established in his position when Nie Mingjue asks him to escort his omega brother, Nie Huaisang, to the Cloud Recesses for studying. Meng Yao does as asked because he always does as asked. The traveling is fine. Nie Huaisang is spoiled and soft, but he’s not terrible company. He keeps Meng Yao close and Meng Yao understands why. Nie Huaisang may be spoiled, but he’s not entirely stupid. Meng Yao doesn’t believe the alpha disciples Nie Mingjue sent along as guards would dare touch their sect leader’s younger brother, but omegas can never be too careful.
He grows even closer to Nie Huaisang over the ten day journey. Nie Huaisang shares his favorite poetry and Meng Yao teaches him weiqi. Despite his general foolishness, Nie Huaisang is surprisingly good at games of strategy. Meng Yao wonders if Nie Huaisang will plead on his behalf, if Nie Mingjue’s eventual omega tries to kick him out of the sect. Perhaps, when Nie Huaisang mates, he can follow the young omega as his assistant in his new sect.
Meng Yao is practical. He knows what he wants is not what he is likely to get. He is lucky to have developed a golden core, but not so lucky as to be an omega strong enough to capture Nie Mingjue’s attention. He wonders, sometimes, how things might have been different were he an alpha after all. What could he have done to grasp power if he had that kind of societal advantage?
But he is an omega and his worth is determined by the alphas around him.
When they reach Gusu, Meng Yao’s envy flares like a beast in his chest. It only worsens as they enter the Cloud Recesses. His half-brother, Jin Zixuan, is there. His half-brother who has everything he’s ever wanted—status and wealth and their father’s approval. His half-brother, the precious alpha.
Meng Yao stays through the salute ceremony. It comes time for the Nie sect to present their gift before Lan Qiren. Meng Yao plays his part, eyes cast down submissively, humble as he speaks.
“I have heard that Sect Leader Nie has a helpful assistant,” Lan Xichen, the eldest Twin Jade and Nie Mingjue’s good friend, says. “Hearing the elegance of your words today, it is indeed as I expected.” *
Meng Yao’s gaze flicks up for just a second, trying to catch the hidden sneer in Lan Xichen’s words. His parentage is a secret to no one.
But Lan Xichen’s eyes are kind, his smile soft.
“Thank you, Zewu-Jun,” Meng Yao murmurs and he doesn’t have to fight for his own shy smile.
He finds Lan Xichen later, just before he’s due to leave. He wants to solidify Lan Xichen’s good impression of him. He knows how close Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen are and if Nie Huaisang won’t argue for him should Nie Mingjue’s future omega kick him out, perhaps Lan Xichen will.
He thanks Lan Xichen for his kind words at the salute ceremony, bows low, trying to show appropriate respect.
“We are peers,” Lan Xichen says, pulling him out of the bow. “There is no need to thank me like this.” *
Peers? He is no peer to Lan Xichen—alpha, Twin Jade, future Sect Leader Lan. But there is no duplicity in Lan Xichen’s tone or his expression. It is as if he honestly believes Meng Yao his equal.
It is possible that Meng Yao’s heart cracks ever so slightly then.
It doesn’t stop there. The Nie Discussion Conference is a few months later and, of course, Lan Xichen is in attendance. Nie Huaisang isn’t—still studying at Gusu—which surprisingly makes things that much more stressful for Meng Yao. Nie Huaisang has always known how to calm his brother down and his absence is sorely missed.
Meng Yao runs about the entire week before the discussion conference, trying to make sure things are ready for the arrival of the other sects. Nie Mingjue yells at him, but then he yells at everyone. Wen Ruohan will be in attendance to watch over the Wen sect disciples—including his eldest son Wen Xu. Meng Yao is well aware of how much Nie Mingjue hates the Wens.
Meng Yao forgets about Lan Xichen’s kind words until he sees the alpha a few days into the conference. He’s delivering tea to Nie Mingjue’s outer rooms—the servants are too scared to interact with Nie Mingjue when he’s like this so the task falls to Meng Yao.
Lan Xichen sits across the table from Nie Mingjue. He smiles freely and thanks Meng Yao for the tea. “Will you not sit with us?” he asks.
“I—” Meng Yao glances at his sect leader. Surely Nie Mingjue will say that Meng Yao has other tasks.
But Nie Mingjue is calmer now than he’s seen him all month. He waves a nonchalant hand, as if to say he doesn’t care.
With Nie Mingjue, Meng Yao has always been aware of the disparity in rank. Nie Mingjue is his sect leader, his superior. And yet, somehow, sitting there drinking tea with him and Lan Xichen, Meng Yao forgets that. It’s the way they fall into a discussion about the competing disciples and Lan Xichen asks his opinion just as often as he asks Nie Mingjue’s. Or perhaps it’s afterwards, when Lan Xichen turns to him.
“Huaisang says you play weiqi,” he says.
He forgets himself when they play, forgets to hold back, and as a result he trounces Lan Xichen entirely. But Lan Xichen is not angry. He laughs. “You are better than Uncle!” Then he requests a rematch.
Meng Yao looks up a few hours later, having forgotten to watch himself around his sect leader, but Nie Mingjue is staring at them both fondly. It’s the same look he gives Nie Huaisang, sometimes, when his brother has done something particularly endearing.
At Meng Yao’s glance, the look disappears to be replaced with a raised eyebrow. Meng Yao ducks his head and returns his attention to the game—but he doesn’t forget about it.
Things are easier, the rest of that year. Nie Mingjue gives him more work than ever, but Meng Yao doesn’t mind it. He thinks Nie Mingjue has come to trust him, or at least trust his intelligence.
But it’s best when Lan Xichen comes to visit. He does so regularly, that year. In the past, it was Nie Mingjue who went to the Cloud Recesses to visit him. After having seen that beautiful complex, Meng Yao can’t blame him. But by some unspoken agreement, it is now Lan Xichen who visits the Unclean Realm.
Inevitably, at night after all the serious discussion and work is over, Lan Xichen will request for Meng Yao to sit with them. Sometimes they play weiqi or recite war ballads—because Nie Mingjue has no love for softer poetry. Other times, Lan Xichen instructs him on playing the guqin, until Meng Yao is good enough to perform for them on his own. And through it all Meng Yao feels seen as he so rarely does. In that candlelit room, with all the guards away and servants asleep, Meng Yao is no longer Nie Mingjue’s assistant. He is not some omega desperate for status.
For a few hours, every month or so, Meng Yao is equal.
And as time passes, he comes to crave those hours like an addict craves wine. It becomes harder and harder to fall back on his practical expectations for his own future. He wants this feeling to stay. He doesn’t want to go back to being lesser just because of the circumstances of his birth or the status of his gender. He knows that there are omegas who have carved out their own place in this world and he wishes he had the power to be one of them.
Nie Huaisang returns from the Cloud Recesses and Nie Mingjue calls Meng Yao into his office. He tells Meng Yao he wants him to train Nie Huaisang.
“Huaisang needs to realize he’s not a child anymore,” Nie Mingjue says.
“He’s young still,” Meng Yao replies. He’s nineteen-almost-twenty and that makes Nie Huaisang’s sixteen-almost-seventeen feel younger.
“He’ll be competing in the discussion conference this year and you know what that means,” Nie Mingjue retorts.
Meng Yao does know what that means. Disciples who compete in the discussion conference tournaments are considered old enough, by sect laws, for marriage. Sixteen is the youngest allowed and nineteen the oldest. Once a disciple turns twenty, they are no longer considered a disciple. They may find gainful employment in their sect or become a rogue cultivator. Of course omegas rarely need to worry about finding employment. They only need to claim an alpha who has that security and they will be secure as well.
But then omegas who don’t want to marry have remarkably few options. Meng Yao knows he is lucky to have his current position. He worries what he would do if he loses it. He considers, yet again, the dream of his father accepting him in the Jin sect. Perhaps he can still hope for it. Perhaps if Nie Mingjue’s future omega kicks him out, his father will change his mind. What would it feel like, to be secure in his position because he knows his family will always support him?
Meng Yao knows that Nie Huaisang will never need to worry about his position. He is the sect leader’s brother. Even if he does not marry before the age of twenty, he will always have a place here. But Nie Mingjue is a man who values hard work and the thought of his own brother lazily living off his generosity aggravates him. He loves his brother—he’ll never kick him out—but he also loves his brother enough to want better for him.
But Nie Huaisang is a weaker omega even then Meng Yao. If he wants a cushy lifestyle, he needs to be strong enough to claim a powerful alpha—one with enough wealth and status to keep Nie Huaisang as comfortable as he’s used to here in the Unclean Realm.
“I understand,” Meng Yao says. “I will impress upon Young Master Nie his duties.”
Nie Huaisang is not a weak omega. Meng Yao isn’t sure now how he ever thought otherwise. He carefully lifts himself off the floor, still shaken from Nie Huaisang’s immense push and the inner thoughts he was forced to share.
As he sits across from Nie Huaisang and watches him sip tea, he’s struck by the knowledge that Nie Huaisang is not a child. Nie Huaisang, he thinks, was forced to grow up young as well—but he had the privilege of hiding it. It’s terrifying and he considers, just briefly, what he’d have to do to kill the other omega.
Then Nie Huaisang promises to help him claim Lan Xichen.
Meng Yao dreams of pale fingers and a long jawline. He dreams of soft smiles and golden eyes. His dreams aren’t sexual—sex is something Meng Yao still struggles to find appealing. The dreams are a different kind of honey. They promise safety. Security.
Lan Xichen comes to visit a month before the Wen Discussion Conference. Meng Yao struggles to control himself. His understanding of golden cores and how to manipulate qi has enhanced greatly from his lessons with Nie Huaisang. He wonders if it’s enough, wonders if he dares attempt to claim Lan Xichen now.
He stares for too long. Lan Xichen looks up from the other side of the weiqi board and catches his eyes. Whatever he sees startles him and the usually graceful Zewu-Jun drops his piece onto the board. The stones scatter like pond ripples.
Lan Xichen and Meng Yao both shout out apologies. They reach as one to the board, in an attempt to fix the pieces. Their fingers collide. Meng Yao freezes, feeling like a mouse caught in the pantry. Lan Xichen’s fingertips brush over his knuckles. It has to be deliberate. He’s caught in the trap of Lan Xichen’s gaze, caught by the wild beating of his own heart, caught by his insane desire to turn his hand around and tangle his fingers with Lan Xichen’s.
Nie Mingjue growls and they both jerk away. Meng Yao has never heard his sect leader sound so alpha.
Could it be that Nie Mingjue has been waiting for Meng Yao to attempt a claim after all?
Meng Yao dares a look, but it’s not the jealousy of a jilted lover he sees on Nie Mingjue’s face. This is the protectiveness he shows for Nie Huaisang—the care of an older brother.
Does Nie Mingjue not want Meng Yao to sully his best friend? Does he believe that Meng Yao is deliberately seducing the pure Zewu-Jun? He can hear the sneers, like mother like son.
But then Lan Xichen turns and kowtows to Nie Mingjue, as if it is he who must apologize. He says nothing. Nie Mingjue watches with a heavy scowl as Lan Xichen puts away his stones, stands, and leaves for his typical guestroom.
“I—” Meng Yao starts to say once Lan Xichen is gone. He doesn’t know what happened, but it’s best to apologize, he thinks, just in case.
Nie Mingjue doesn’t let him speak. He holds up a hand and lets out a world-weary sigh. “How are the preparations for the armory going?” he asks.
Meng Yao lets his sect leader change the subject—he always does what Nie Mingjue asks, whether verbally or not—and they spend the next few hours talking about the possibility of war and what Meng Yao has done to ready the Nie sect for it.
Just as he’s about to excuse himself for the night, Nie Mingjue catches his arm. “Meng Yao,” he says, “You are the best damn assistant I’ve ever had.”
The coarse language startles him. “Thank you, Sect Leader.”
Nie Mingjue frowns at him. “You’ll be twenty soon. If you want, I would write you a recommendation to any sect.”
Is this… is he being kicked out? “Sect Leader—”
“Don’t misunderstand me,” Nie Mingjue snaps. As always, he seems to read Meng Yao better than most. It’s disconcerting. “You have a place here. You’ve more than proven yourself. But I will not chain you to me if you wish to go.”
Meng Yao considers his words. “If you wrote to Sect Leader Jin…”
“I can’t make your father legitimize you,” Nie Mingjue says. “But I can get you an in with the Jin sect, if you want it.” He doesn’t look happy about the offer.
Meng Yao wonders, suddenly if he misinterpreted the earlier situation. Was it Lan Xichen that Nie Mingjue had wanted to protect… or was it Meng Yao? His gaze narrows. “And if I wanted an in with the Lan sect instead?”
Nie Mingjue barks out a laugh. “Xichen would be delighted.” His tone is a touch bitter.
Meng Yao cocks his head to the side. “Is that a bad thing, Sect Leader?”
Nie Mingjue’s eyes are dark and serious as he looks at him. “Promise me this isn’t a game to you,” he says. “Promise me that you would have wanted Lan Xichen if he were a beggar on the street.”
Meng Yao can’t promise that without lying and Nie Mingjue has always been remarkably good at seeing through his lies. He says nothing. Nie Mingjue nods, curt, and walks away.
The first night of the Wen Discussion Conference, Meng Yao has tea and a weiqi game with Lan Xichen under Nie Mingjue’s watchful gaze. It’s the first time they’ve all been together since the strange growling incident.
“Truly, you are blessed to have such an intelligent and dedicated assistant,” Lan Xichen says after Meng Yao beats him again.
“I won’t be happy if you poach him,” Nie Mingjue grumbles.
Lan Xichen smiles and it’s not nearly as soft as Meng Yao is used to seeing. “Shouldn’t that be A-Yao’s choice?”
It’s the first time Lan Xichen has called him by such a nickname. Meng Yao doesn’t even attempt to stop his cheeks from flaming red. Nie Mingjue snorts.
“Not yet,” he says simply.
Wen Ruohan makes the first move and Meng Yao is deeply impressed. Were it a different world, it might have been enough to sway him to the old alpha’s side. But in this world he is Nie Mingjue’s confidant. In this world, he has already set his sights upon Lan Xichen.
Nie Huaisang claims and is claimed by the Jiang’s young alpha. During lunch, they talk about how to save the Lans from being caught in Wen Ruohan’s game. Wei Wuxian declares his desire for Lan Wangji, then the topic of Lan Xichen comes up and everyone turns to Meng Yao.
Meng Yao demurs. “I hoped Zewu-Jun might do me the honor of accepting my claim. I dreamed about it for some time. But Sect Leader Nie needs me, so I wasn’t sure if I should…”
“Shut up,” Nin Mingjue snaps and Meng Yao knows him enough to realize his next words will be a show for the Jiangs as much as anything. “You don’t need to play coy with me, I’ve seen you making moon eyes at him for months. Better you then some Wen dog, anyway.”
Not yet, Nie Mingjue said, but the game has changed. Wen Ruohan, Meng Yao thinks, would be a terrifying weiqi player. And Nie Mingjue isn’t so stubborn as to flip the game board.
They have been preparing for this war, after all.
Nie Mingjue pulls him aside just before the Lan showcase.
“I can’t promise you what you asked,” Meng Yao says honestly. “But I do want him for more than his station and his wealth.”
Nie Mingjue shakes his head. “I know you do. I never worried about that. I just don’t want the two of you to ruin each other.”
“Do you believe we will?” Nie Huaisang hadn’t thought so—he’d thought Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue more likely to do so instead. But for all Nie Huaisang’s cunning, Meng Yao thinks Nie Mingjue understands Lan Xichen better.
Nie Mingjue is silent for several seconds, mulling over the question. Finally, he shakes his head. “You’ve got as good a chance as any,” he says. “He’s already halfway in love with you, I think, and I know you don’t love him yet. Maybe you never will.”
“I don’t have to love him to be content as his mate.”
“Perhaps not,” Nie Mingjue acknowledges. “It’s a moot point, anyway. He would be miserable if anyone else claimed him today.”
It’s Wen Xu who attempts to do so. Wen Xu who would lay his hands on Meng Yao’s alpha. He doesn’t stand for it—takes over the field like a general until it’s just him and this alpha he’s decided will be his.
“A-Yao?” Lan Xichen asks and there is surprise on his face. Why surprise? Have they not been as-good-as courting these last few months? Did he not believe Meng Yao’s flirtations serious?
“Will you let me?” Meng Yao asks, because he needs to know. If Lan Xichen doesn’t want him as a mate—
But Lan Xichen smiles and nods and that’s enough.
The morning before the Jin showcase, Meng Yao and Jiang Yanli sit on one of the balconies of Nightless City. He’s been helping her train her cultivation so she may claim Jin Zixuan. She’s been a hard worker, dedicated as few gentry are. She didn’t shy away from the tricks he taught her—some Nie Huaisang taught him and others he discovered on his own. He’d half-expected a cry about the unfairness, but Jiang Yanli rolled up her sleeves without care.
Now they sit together, resting after a final training session so that Jiang Yanli will be at full strength for the showcase.
“I never thought I’d be strong enough,” Jiang Yanli says. “I presented late. Only a few months before my brother.”
“Which one?”
Jiang Yanli gives him a warm smile.
Meng Yao frowns at her. “What?”
“Most people don’t acknowledge A-Xian as my brother,” she murmurs. “Unless they’re implying that my father was unfaithful.”
“Was he?”
“No. There was no pre-established parental bond between them. They formed it a couple months after A-Xian came to live with us.”
Meng Yao nods. He has a parental bond with his father, which proves that he truly is the man’s bastard. As a child, before he presented, he couldn’t feel it. Were he a beta, he would never have been able to. But now that he’s trained his cultivation enough, he can feel it tethered to his golden core. It’s the reason he still wants his father’s approval, despite everything. There’s a part of him that will forever be tied to the man and as an omega he’s especially primed to want to please his alpha sire.
"Thank you for everything, A-Yao,” Jiang Yanli says, then she blushes. “I hope that’s not too presumptuous—”
Meng Yao shakes his head. Jiang Yanli and he are the same age, but she has motherly air about her that reminds him strongly of his own mother. He misses her, suddenly. Unlike his father, he has no parental bond with Meng Shi. Betas didn’t form them, after all, and it hurts not to even have that metaphysical reminder to fall back on.
“I hope to be able to call you sister-in-law, someday,” Meng Yao says, a touch too honest. No matter his soon-to-be-marriage with Lan Xichen, he can’t quite give up his dream of being legitimized. And if Jiang Yanli is successful in her claim, then she will be marrying Meng Yao’s half-brother.
“Even if I’m not, I would be pleased if you called me A-Jie,” she says warmly.
Jin Guangshan catches him as he escorts Jiang Yanli to the field. He waves at her to go ahead and she does with a small look to Meng Yao.
“I heard you’ve been training her cultivation so she’ll be worthy of my son,” he says once she’s left to the Jiang pavilion.
Meng Yao thinks it’s Jin Zixuan who will need to work hard to be worthy of Jiang Yanli, but he knows better than to even let such thoughts show on his face. He bows low instead. “Yes, Sect Leader Jin, I have.”
Jin Guangshan huffs. “Stand up straight, let me look at you.”
Meng Yao does as asked. He stands still and silent under his father’s assessing gaze.
Finally, Jin Guangshan nods. “Perhaps you’ll be useful, after all.” He turns to leave, then stops and looks over his shoulder. “Well? Are you coming?"
Meng Yao follows his father. His heart beats a bit too fast in his chest. He knows what this is, knows he should be delighted, but his feelings are a little too conflicted for that.
Jin Guangshan takes him to the Lan pavilion. He gives the barest of courtesy bows to Lan Qiren—there in place of Sect Leader Lan. “I have come to demand a formal meeting,” he says. “I’ve become aware that wedding negotiations started without my input.”
Lan Qiren is too much of a Lan to scowl overtly, but his expression is close. “And why should your input be needed in our coming Lan weddings, Sect Leader Jin?”
“Because my son, Jin Guangyao, is marrying First Master Lan, of course.”
Meng Yao closes his eyes. Jin Guangyao. His father has claimed him. Not just legitimized him, but marked him as his own. Otherwise he’d be Jin Ziyao.
Jin Guangyao. He imagines his mother’s face if she heard the name. How thrilled she would be. How proud.
Lan Qiren grumbles a bit, but he does set a meeting time with Jin Guangshan. The sect leader goes back to his own pavilion. Meng Yao needs to head to the Nie pavilion. There’s still much he needs to do to ready the Nie sect for his departure and he intended to speak with Nie Zonghui this morning about some confidential sect logistics—especially in regards to war preparation.
Lan Xichen puts a gentle hand on his arm before he leaves. “Do not feel you need the advantage of his name,” he murmurs. “Gusu Lan will welcome you as a Meng.”
He opens his eyes and stares up into the kind face of his alpha. Kind, and naive. Lan Xichen has never grown up as anything less than a Lan, and the sect leader’s oldest, alpha son at that. The sentiment is appreciated, but he knows how these things work. If he wants to solidify his position as the future Consort Lan, he needs to be more than the illegitimate son of a prostitute who claimed Zewu-Jun in a forced showcase.
Jin Guangyao smiles and doesn’t let any of his thoughts show in it. “I’m happy that my father acknowledged me,” he says. “As long as you are happy to welcome a Jin as your mate.”
Lan Xichen folds as Jin Guangyao knew he would. “Of course, A-Yao. Whatever you wish.”
Jin Guangyao sneaks out of his guest quarters the night before his wedding. He has no particular aim in mind, only that he isn’t tired and doesn’t wish to sit in that empty room all night. The Cloud Recesses are inundated with guests and most Lans will be exhausted from entertaining at the large feast. It’s a good night for him to go exploring.
He ends up at the library pavilion. It’s no surprise. Books have always been his comfort. He begins to browse the selection. Perhaps he will learn a new song, impress his alpha with a guqin performance.
He hasn’t yet chosen a book when he notices it. There’s a secret here. Jin Guangyao walks back and forth in front of the bookshelf. There’s an extra divet under the rug he stands on. Could the pavilion floor have been built crooked? Unlikely.
Jin Guangyao kneels down and pulls back the rug. There—a wooden board that doesn’t quite match the rest of the floor. He pulls it up.
Ah, a secret room. But of course, even the righteous Lans would have knowledge forbidden to outsiders. He takes his candle and carefully descends the stairs.
The books here are much more fascinating than the ones upstairs. He lingers for a minute on one entitled The Collection of Turmoil, then moves on. He can’t stay long. He doesn’t want to risk being caught here the night before his own wedding. He won’t risk Lan Xichen rejecting him before they finalize the mating.
He wonders, if he asks, whether Lan Xichen will take him here. Will he be allowed all the knowledge of the Lan clan? Will he be trusted with its secrets?
With reluctance, Jin Guangyao leaves the secret room and carefully puts the board and rug back in place. He realizes, suddenly, that there may be a talisman designed to inform the Lans when their secret room was entered. He snuffs out his candle and escapes the library pavilion quickly.
Sneaking silently around the dark and quiet buildings, Jin Guangyao hears them before he sees them. It’s impossible for him not to recognize the voice of his former sect leader and his future mate. He keeps his distance—both are too talented not to notice someone sneaking up on them—but he listens carefully.
“—care of him,” Nie Mingjue is saying.
“I will, Mingjue-xiong,” Lan Xichen replies. “You know I will.”
“You’re not listening to me, Xichen,” Nie Mingjue snaps. “You can’t just pat him on the head and call it a day. He’s far too slippery for that.”
“What do you suggest?”
“You have to make sure he sleeps or he won’t. He’ll pretend, but then you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and see him writing more letters in the office. And food! He’s got a delicate stomach, but he never turns down food. Hopefully your bland Lan cooking will suit him, but be careful when you travel.”
Oh. Jin Guangyao flushes. Nie Mingjue is giving his alpha advice on taking care of him. He doesn’t quite know what to think about that.
“Mingjue, I will take care of him,” Lan Xichen insists. “You know how I feel about him. I will keep him safe, I promise.”
“I do know. That’s what worries me.” There’s a long silence, then Nie Mingjue sighs. “You have to learn to read behind his mask, Xichen. It’s not easy. I’m certain I don’t always get it right. But he’s far too used to hiding his true feelings. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Do you believe his desire to mate me a mask?” Lan Xichen sounds hurt at the very thought.
Jin Guangyao ignores the uncomfortable burn that settles into his stomach. He has many reasons for wanting to mate Lan Xichen and he doesn’t truly know which would be acceptable to the gentle alpha.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. He does like you, I can see that. But he’s… there’s something broken inside him, Xichen. Something sharp.”
“I know his past as well as you,” Lan Xichen retorts. “I won’t push him. I just want him to be happy here, with me.”
“I hope he will be,” Nie Mingjue says. “For both your sakes.”
The two leave. Jin Guangyao stays a while longer, as if pinned to his hiding spot.
Is he broken? Is that what it means to be a prostitute’s son? To be raised in a brothel—constantly wary, forever afraid?
Jin Guangyao waits until he’s safely back in his temporary room before letting out a long, bitter laugh.
Lan Xichen’s hands are gentle as he escorts Jin Guangyao to his personal pavilion. They are officially married now, all that’s left is the mating.
Jin Guangyao concentrates on trying to see through his red wedding veil instead of on what is to come. He knows what to expect. He’s been around sex his entire life and he’s done enough reading to know the specifics of an alpha’s mating instincts. But he is untouched by choice—by tooth and claw and a good dose of luck.
He doesn’t want to be scared of his alpha, but sex has always been terrifying to him. He wonders—is this what it means to be broken?
They reach Lan Xichen’s bedroom. Jin Guangyao stands as still as a statue while Lan Xichen slowly, carefully, lifts the veil up and away.
“A-Yao,” Lan Xichen murmurs. “Look at me?”
Jin Guangyao does. There’s a hunger to Lan Xichen’s face that isn’t normally there. Jin Guangyao’s heart beats all the faster.
Lan Xichen doesn’t move, though. His eyes roam over Jin Guangyao’s face, searching for something. Oh, he should look eager, shouldn’t he? Jin Guangyao closes his eyes a bit, parts his lips. He hasn’t ever practiced the expression, but he saw it enough at the brothel.
It works. Lan Xichen leans in and takes his mouth in a rough kiss.
He might have thought Lan Xichen soft, but there is nothing soft about this. Lan Xichen devours his mouth. Jin Guangyao is startled to find that he enjoys it. There’s no thought here, no need to analyze. Lan Xichen doesn’t need him to kiss back—he just needs him to stand there and take it.
Jin Guangyao’s world begins to spin—dizzying pleasure overtaking him. He falls against his new husband’s chest. Lan Xichen’s arms come up and around him. He’s never been held so tight. It should feel constricting, but it’s secure instead. Nothing can happen to him here in Lan Xichen’s arms.
He lets out a little gasp as Lan Xichen bites down on his bottom lip. It seems to encourage his alpha. Lan Xichen presses deeper, his tongue coming into play. Jin Guangyao shivers as every part of his mouth is explored, conquered.
Lan Xichen finally pulls back and a line of spit follows him from Jin Guangyao’s mouth. It should be disgusting, but it lights a fire deep in Jin Guangyao’s gut. Lan Xichen looks undone.
“Let’s not ruin these beautiful wedding robes,” Jin Guangyao murmurs, a touch teasing. He thinks that if he asked, Lan Xichen would rip the robes off his body without care. It’s a heady thought.
They manage to get naked, but it’s a slow process. Lan Xichen keeps getting distracted running lines of kisses down Jin Guangyao’s bare skin as it’s revealed bit by bit. Jin Guangyao is the one who leads the way to the bed and pushes Lan Xichen onto it. When he climbs onto the bed next to his husband, Lan Xichen turns to hover over him. Blocking out the rest of the world.
Jin Guangyao closes his eyes. Lan Xichen’s strong fingers begin to explore his body. They pause at the rim of his entrance.
“A-Yao,” Lan Xichen says. It’s not quite a question.
“Yes,” Jin Guangyao answers anyway.
Lan Xichen dips a finger inside him. He’s wet, he realizes then. He’s never been wet outside of heat before.
Lan Xichen’s fingers are long and when he curls them, pure need reverberates up Jin Guangyao’s spine. “Yes, there,” he gasps. Lan Xichen strokes him from the inside, again and again, until Jin Guangyao comes with a soft groan.
“You’re so beautiful,” Lan Xichen tells him. “So perfect. My A-Yao.”
This is power, Jin Guangyao realizes suddenly. Lan Xichen wants him desperately and desperate men will do anything. He flips them over, so he’s on top of his alpha, then slowly lowers himself onto Lan Xichen’s hard cock.
Lan Xichen’s encouragements and praises grow as Jin Guangyao slowly begins fucking himself on his alpha’s cock. His arms begin to shake from holding himself up. He stares down at this man he mated and makes the decision. He pulls himself off and away.
“A-Yao!” Lan Xichen protests, but he doesn’t pull Jin Guangyao back. Jin Guangyao smiles, then rolls on his back on the other side of the bed. He spreads his legs wide.
“Don’t keep me waiting,” he says as Lan Xichen stares.
Lan Xichen quickly climbs on top of him and thrusts back in. Jin Guangyao hitches his legs up until—yes, there, that’s the spot. It’s not long before Jin Guangyao is coming a second time.
“Love you, love you, A-Yao,” Lan Xichen chants. His thrusts grow erratic. His knot starts to swell, stretching Jin Guangyao's slick hole even further.
Jin Guangyao pulls his alpha's head down, directs him to his neck. “Mate me,” he commands.
Lan Xichen does. The sting of the bite feels like victory.