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Conceptually, beauty was supposed to be subjective. Other people’s beauty, not his.
Jongin’s day was spent on set, filming for their newest music video when the whole affair began with a bang, metaphorically speaking. Someone new out of the presented staff, caught in a far-stretched conversation with Junmyeon and Chanyeol regarding their newest concept, comparing its familiarity and common points with that of other artists. Jongin wasn’t truly listening until he was mentioned. Gaze glued to the screen of his phone, he aimed at playing uninterested. And then…
“- believe me, it’ll work out just fine, you’re handsome enough. Handsome boys. Besides, Taemin isn’t even that pretty.”
Each pair of eyes in the room traveled to Jongin, heavy silence making things a little difficult to process. The man in question appeared equally confused by the sudden suspense. How Chanyeol stared down at his feet, how Baekhyun had his eyebrows arched, looking half afraid half excited, like a little kid before an unknown and equally puzzling show... or a playground fight.
“That’s bullshit,” Jongin couldn’t help but swore, voice loud enough for anyone to hear. “Taemin’s the most beautiful person I know, he’s breathtaking, stunning, way more than just pretty. What you just said must be the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard. Go have your eyes checked, I’m sure SM pays you enough.”
The staff member went crimson in his cheeks and Jongin had the urge to punch that red face who thought it was ok to run his mouth over Taemin. Not pretty…. what in the world…. how dare he… Jongin exhaled and everyone was still watching, Baekhyun somewhat amused, certainly entertained. And wow… that one thought was not violent at all…
The rest of the day passed agonizingly slow, filming, making sure the choreography was just right and occasionally glaring at that idiot who had enough presence of mind not to get in his way. Taemin’s not pretty. Yeah, right. In what universe?
Meet you at the usual place?
Taemin’s response arrived seconds after, making the answer painfully obvious.
Yes yes. My manager will take me there. You?
Give me half an hour.
The screen of Jongin’s phone lit again with the message notification.
Alright, see you. Be careful if you drive after a tiring day.
Yes yes, captain.
All things considered, Jongin was kinda sure they were the standard definition of a perfect friendship. People would do well to place their picture in the dictionary, next to the word. Since childhood, he had been staring at other examples, who didn’t exactly meet expectations. Only him and Taemin managed to and everyone, absolutely everyone, knew it. Family, band members, other friends in a more loose understanding of the word. So, really, there was nothing out of the ordinary about Jongin’s reaction to that so-called opinion. One was supposed to defend their friends if they weren't able to do it themselves. Yes, perfectly normal behavior and the rest of EXO had known it as well, explaining their collective hesitation after… that.
“You were smiling at your phone just now. Got yourself a new girlfriend?”
Jongin frowned at Sehun's remark from where he was pulling at his everyday clothing in more hurry than usual. Taemin must be already waiting.
“What? No, I’m meeting Taeminnie. He was texting me, so see you later at the dorm. Tell the others I’ll be late.”
He didn’t really bother waiting for a replay, backpack ready, deserting the changing room before someone had the chance to say a thing.
Face-mask in place, Jongin took a taxi to the secluded restaurant he and Taemin were so fond of. By now the person was familiar with both of them and he smiled at elderly Mrs. Cheon when she waved at him from behind the counter, or better said, waved at him while indicating Taemin’s location. They always sat at the same table, nonetheless, it was a sweet gesture.
And yes, there he was. Comfortably leaning back in his chair, picking at the already cooked food every now and then, scrolling down on his phone. Taemin’s blondish head hung low, delicate frame clad in a simple white shirt. Jongin allowed himself a smile as he approached.
“Yah, you just couldn’t wait to stuff your stomach. Already started without me.”
Taemin made to smile back yet with his mouth this full it looked pretty funny, not yet to the point of choking. He swallowed, face red, placing down his chopsticks.
“Shut up. I was hungry. Getting ready for a tour is energy-consuming,” he complained, reaching for the half-empty bottle of coke. Taemin felt his unsaid question. “And yes, I’m not supposed to be drinking this but whatever. Tell no one.”
“Never ever. Our secret.”
That was friendship, Jongin was aware. The luxury of not having to utter things out loud and still get your message to the other person, just like Taemin understood how stiff Jongin’s entire body really was. He chewed on his full lips while filing another plate for Jongin, pieces of grilled meat, and three different sorts of vegetables beside rice. Even carrots, Jongin noticed with a grin. He accepted both the bowl and the glass of juice.
They talked and they ate, filling the blanks from the last time they saw one another. Taemin’s upcoming tour, EXO’s comeback, and everything else in between, especially that specific void in Taemin’s existence.
“It’s better. Better than it used to be. Working keeps me busy, it helps, it’s easier.”
Jongin discreetly gazed around before reaching to take Taemin’s free hand in his.
“Good, but don’t overwork yourself. Don’t think you want to worry me that much,” he jested in a half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.
A grin, a genuine victory every time.
“I’ll try. Now explain. Ever since you came in you’re looking at me in a strange way. Spill the tea.”
“A strange way?”
Taemin’s expression was the personification of are you kidding me right now…. And yes, sometimes having such a skillful best friend in their own relationship could be kind of irritating. How were you supposed to keep secrets from someone reading you like an open book? Not that Jongin kept many secrets from Taemin, but still. Theoretically speaking…. now not so theoretically.
“It’s nothing.” Because it was nothing if you really thought about it. Just some words Jongin couldn’t get over, hours after. “A long day, filming, annoying staff members, someone pissed me off. Nothing special. Guess I’m just tired.”
Not entirely convinced, but Taemin didn’t press it, pun indeed. Jongin laughed.
“What?”
“Just passed my mind how kind of you not to press it, if you know what I mean...”
Taemin rolled his eyes, Jongin’s amusement staining his serious dementor.
“Very funny. Now move it and call the waitress. I want another drink, my throat feels dry.”
Their evening went well like that.
Not many stars were on the night sky when they deserted the restaurant later than originally intended. Autumn was approaching with sure steps, temperatures had slowly dropped and Taemin had only his thin shirt to serve as shelter.
“What are you doing?" the light-haired boy asked when Jongin dropped his backpack at their feet, shrugging off his jacket before wrapping the material around Taemin’s narrow shoulders.
It looked ridiculous, far too big on the other’s frame, dwarfing him, like a child clad in adult clothing. Something must have shown on his face because Taemin blushed, ducking his head as if terribly shy as once upon a time.
“Kim Jongin, don’t you dare laugh. Besides, now you’re the one poorly dressed,” he sighed. “Good job. What if you get a cold while preparing for the comeback? What am I going to say to SM then? Honestly....” Another sigh before he grabbed onto Jongin’s bare forearm, pulling him in the direction of the taxi station. “Come, we’re going to my place, I’ll make you a warm tea and then we’ll go catch some sleep. Ok?”
Of course. Jongin may have to wake an hour earlier the next morning but it was worth it. Time together was to be cherished in the rare moments it happened, especially occasions like these when it was just the two of them, not with the rest of the gang. Far peaceful this way, moving together around Taemin’s kitchen a perfectly mastered routine by now, Jongin reaching for the cups and sugar, the shorter boy with the water and the teabags.
“Shall I leave it a little longer?” Taemin questioned, frowning down at the boiling water. “I can never tell with this stuff…”
Resting his chin on Taemin’s shoulder, Jongin inspected as well.
“Only if you want it to evaporate.”
He could bet his entire career that his best friend rolled his eyes at him. They both chuckled, Taemin more in exasperation than anything else, going over with their mission. The tea was a little more than warm, a perfect occasion for teasing.
“Do it yourself next time,” Taemin complained.
“You invited,” he reasoned, maneuvering the cups onto a tray. “Take responsibility.”
“Whatever, now come.” Taemin stopped into the middle of his living room, arching an eyebrow at the folded couch. “Most sheets are in the laundry. You’re not bothered by sleeping in my bed, are you?”
Jongin huffed.
“For real? Now move it, pretty boy, or I may end up splashing your fancy cups onto your fancy floors and then we’ll spend all night scrubbing said floors.”
This room was intimate territory, the half-made bed, the crumpled sheets, their distinctive smell, the little furniture now devoid of any framed pictures. Jongin placed the tray onto the nightstand while Taemin was busy by the closet, handing him old clothing Jongin had previously left here for the exact same purpose. Taemin’s had no chance of fitting him. Meanwhile, the light-haired boy had no qualms in permanently borrowing Jongin’s shirts from time to time.
Predictably enough, the tea was forgotten. Lying side by side in the dark, attempting to sleep but not really, they talked. Taemin did and Jongin listened to his voice, once in a while opening his eyes to stare at the vague shape of Taemin’s silhouette, now facing him.
“Jongin… thank you for everything, for being here with me, for not leaving me alone. Never ever. I really appreciate it. I know you have your own problems so-”
“So don’t be silly. We’re in this together, over our heads by now. You stood by my side as well since the very beginning. You’re my best friend, I’d do anything for you, so let’s not get too sappy. Now let me sleep, I need my beauty sleep more than you do.”
Silence, faint breathing, and then…
“Did you just called me pretty?”
Jongin had enough energy to pull the covers over Taemin’s head.
“I call you pretty all the time. Irrelevant. Now go to sleep.”
He closed his eyes, just knowing Taemin was smiling. Smug little shit.
* * *
Jongin turned off his alarm before it had a real chance of awaking Taemin. The boy in question laid curled on his side, entirely nestled into Jongin’s chest, a strand of hair or two already tickling his lips. Moments later, still asleep, Jongin sighed deeply, pressing a palm over his eyes. Six in the morning, half-dark outside yet so warm and pleasant in Taemin’s bed, the boy himself an undeniable source of heat, his hot breath fanning Jongin’s neck every now and then. Leaving this place full of warmness was a show of strength and general responsibility. He needed to be at the dorm by seven-thirty and the traffic… yes, staying wasn’t a valid option and yet…
Not to mention, extracting himself from Taemin’s grasp was the supreme challenge. Jongin wasn’t fighting only his clingy friend but himself as well. Rationalizing you needed to go and actually wanting to go, two entirely different concepts. Then the universe grew merciful, prompting Taemin to sigh, placing just a little distance between their bodies, just enough for Jongin to push himself upright and slightly away.
From one of the double pillows, the sight of Taemin’s face reached his eyes, instantly reminding him of those damn words. Not pretty. Strangely, Jongin wished for the man to be here and closely judge for himself what stupidity he had uttered. Even in his sleep, with red lines decorating his face and his hair ruffled and sticking in all directions, Taemin was beyond beautiful. No makeup, no nothing to use as an argument. Without thinking, Jongin aimed for a touch. The tip of his fingers grazed Taemin's damp forehand, pushing away his fringe, smothering it back. Yes, Taemin surely was the most stunning being to ever walk upon this earth. Now with a little more purpose, Jongin traced invisible patterns all the way down to his cheeks, dangerously close to Taemin’s lips. Only then did his sleepiness fully vanished and Jongin became conscious of two things: he was nearly on top of an unconscious Taemin all while painfully hard.
Pulling away as if bit, Jongin hid in the bathroom, making sense of it all. Nothing else but morning wood, an erection that had passed unnoticed among everything else the first hour in the morning. It did not concern his best friend in the slightest. Taemin just happened to have a pretty face that had been too close to his own during such a vulnerable moment. End of the story.
At least Taemin remained asleep, not witnessing this unpredicted awkwardness.
Muttering to himself, Jongin took a quick shower before reaching for his own toothbrush below the square mirror. Hair wet, he stared at himself, reevaluating his life choices. Hygiene products were a necessity, given how often Jongin slept at Taemin’s place, and the other way around, that much was clear. Carrying all those things around from here to there would be troublesome and terribly unpractical.
Jongin spat into the immaculate sink.
Why was he explaining this in the first place? Wasn’t as if someone had actually asked, especially not Taemin who was lying onto his tummy by the time Jongin returned to his bedroom. He dressed in silence, reaching for his phone to check the time. A bit past six and a half, he’d done unexpectedly well. Jongin asked for a taxi before he approached the bed, gently nudging his best friend.
The only response was a babble muffled into the sheets.
“Minnie. Wake up, your manager is coming to pick you up at eight. You need to get up, be ready by then. Eat, shower... Taemin.”
This was not the time for playful games. Jongin rolled his eyes above those sprawled limbs millions of fans would give everything to witness. Mischief in mind, he tapped at Taemin’s forehead, grinning. Predictably, the sleepyhead’s hand came to chase the touch away. Ok then, not the easy way this morning.
Taemin’s words put an end to the little game. Or rather, his tone of voice did.
“One more minute. please. I’m simply unable to open my eyes.”
There was no other choice for Jongin but to caress his hair, massaging Taemin’s scalp in what he hoped to be a pleasant manner. Just like a kitten, the fair-headed boy snuggled into his hand, demanding more and more and more. But staying like this was no longer a possibility, not now anyway. With a heavy heart, Jongin nudged the exposed shoulder, the only other body part besides Taemin’s head not covered by blankets.
“Minnie, either you get up by yourself or I’m going to carry you to the shower with my own two hands.”
Silence, then Taemin’s eyelids fluttered, opening his eyes, one at the time.
“Liar,” he accused, licking his dry lips. “You can’t just drop me under the spray, the water will be freezing at first. I’ll get a cold in no time and then you’ll be held responsible by… everyone. So, you won’t.”
“If you’re already this articulate I guess you’re awake enough to mind your own responsibilities. I’m going now, otherwise I’d be late. Take care and text me.”
He ruffled his best friend's hair just because he felt like it, pushing away from the bed before retribution could be served in the form of a pillow or some other thing.
“You text me first,” Taemin called after him in a bratty tone.
“Yes yes.”
Both knew Jongin always did so.
* * *
“You didn’t return last night.”
It appeared his brief disappearance had been a hot topic at the dorm. Jongin arrived fifteen minutes earlier than originally predicted, while everyone was getting ready for the day. Stuffing bags, tying shoes, searching for one jacket or another. Watching Baekhyun try a glimmering white one, he realized he had left his own, back at Taemin’s place. In how many days will Jongin see the boy wearing it as if it were his own? Well, not see in person, more like pictures from the press, airport pictures and the like.
“Didn’t Sehun tell you I was going to be late?”
Sehun made to open his mouth, self-defense he supposed, but Kyungsoo spoke faster.
“Yes, late, but you weren’t here at all… Junmyeon was worried something may have happened. We all were.”
“No worry needed, I was with Taemin. One thing lead to another and I slept at his place. Sorry for the trouble.”
He hurried to his room for a change of clothes.
Once in the van on their way to day two of filming, he pulled out his phone, texting none other than Taemin, just as promised.
Are you all good?
Those tiny black dots lasted on the bottom of the screen for only a few moments.
Were you thinking about me? I bet you were:) All fine, Nini. I’m on my way to the airport.
May have, may have not… who really knows? Have a safe flight.
Liar liar. Don’t miss me too much while I’m gone. And Jongin, careful with your practices. Take breaks, drink plenty of water. Bye.
Jongin wrote his own goodbye, smiling down at his phone. What could he hope to hide from this best friend of his? They knew each other to the point of being uncomfortable. All their bad habits, things they disliked, and everything else left to imagine. It was overwhelming at times… even his own parents didn’t know him that well. Funny enough, Taemin may be a serious competition for his future romantic partner. Would this unknown person even be as familiar as Taemin was? Probably not.
“Don’t mind Jongin, he’s fantasizing about the most beautiful person he knows, breathtaking, stunning, way more than just pretty. Starts with Tae, ends with Min.”
Jongin glared at a smirking Baekhyun.
“What?”
“Aaa, nothing. Go on, don’t let me interrupt.”
“I’m not texting him anymore,” he truthfully answered.
“Anymore,” Baekhyun echoed with glee.
To hell with these rumors.
“Whatever.”
If the rest had any interest in the exchange, none acted upon it. Forgotten for a few hours amidst dancing, posing then repeat. It felt like forever but they were mostly done by six in the evening when they went out to eat. While waiting for the meat to fry, Jongin was remembered of last night, more specifically, the image of Taemin stuffing his already full mouth. Most likely his best friend had done pretty much the same thing this morning on his way to Japan. He found himself grinning yet again.
Jongin was washing his hands in the bathroom when the second thing took place, the one rising the first real questions.
“Hey, sorry for earlier, back in the car. Didn’t plan on making you uncomfortable in front of the rest.”
It took Jongin a few seconds to recall what Baekhyun was talking about.
“Oh, no problem. It was only a joke.”
“So, you really think the others don’t know about you and Taemin? I mean...”
“What is there to know?”
His slightly shorter bandmate scratched the back of his head, stealing a fugitive look at the door.
“Well, being together, all that. No offense, but you are kind of painfully obvious. If you want to pretend, do it properly, we have certain standards, being idols. I’d know that.”
Jongin was left speechless. Should he laugh? Would it be impolite? But really now, the whole presumption was damn hilarious. Him and Taemin? As if - he liked girls and… Taemin was Taemin. Yes, beautiful, funny, reliable, always by his side and they may be unnaturally close, yes, but. But it wasn’t like that.
Evidently, it was not the general opinion.
“We-”
Another man entered the bathroom and Jongin’s denial was cut short. Baekhyun offered him what looked like an encouraging smile and Jongin internally groaned. Great, now the other had a solid wrong impression. No matter, he’ll deal with it later. At the dorm. Somewhere. Sometime.
They returned to the table. Even the food had altered its taste.
* * *
That night he went to play billiards with Moonkyu. Moonkyu won only because Jongin’s mind was wondering quite a bit.
“You’re playing more awful than usual. That’s unusual. Suspicious.”
Jongin shrugged, repositioning his pieces, thinking. Should he discreetly ask for a second opinion? Whatever, this was Moonkyu, he’ll figure what Jongin meant in no time.
“It’s nothing. Well, actually there’s something. You see… no. Tell me honestly, what do you think about me and Taemin?”
His friend blinked at him, reaching for his iced-tea.
“You’re both lovely people.”
Jongin rolled his eyes.
“Not individually.”
Realization dawned on Moonkyu’s face, almost choking on that damn straw.
“Oh, like that.”
There it went again. That. As if it were a secret everyone was too frightened to properly speak, needing a code name or whatever.
Their game was abandoned as Moonkyu recovered, hopefully on his way to forming a sentence.
“Well, obviously, I and Kwonho are aware it’s not the case, but you and Taeminnie kind of give the ‘happy couple vibe’.” Jongin really didn’t enjoy Moonkyu uttering Taemin’s name, all lovely and sweet. “Yet unfortunately for you, everyone else seems to think the complete opposite. And rightfully so.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh my God, seriously now?! Jongin, you’re… practically climbing one another every single time you happen to share the same space. And by space, I mean even the largest space. Concert arenas, events, restaurants, someone’s home. Holding hands, always whispering, nearly kissing on more than one occasion. Not to mention cliché declarations made on national television… and, shall I remind you of your 100% heterosexual reaction to Taemin’s performance? The one where he was all tied up? Eyefucking? Sucking on your finger? Rings any bells?”
Memories filled the silence, all those times Moonkyu mentioned and many, many others. Fine, there was some truth in that but - he and Taemin were not, not ever…. yet they looked this way to everyone else. Jongin took a deep breath, leaning against the table. Ok then, time to resorts to cold rationality.
“Fine… so what you’re saying… I and Taemin look in love with one another?”
His friend nodded.
“Yes, even to me who should know better.” Moonkyu’s gaze grew sharp. “But Jongin, existential crisis aside, are you really sure you’re not in love with him? Because I think you are. Perhaps.... perhaps him too.”
Jongin was… confused. Terribly confused. Denial stood on the tip of his tongue yet uttering said denial felt faulty. Yes, he loved Taemin as the dearest of his friends, but actually be in love with him? Such feelings to exist between them two? He would have laughed at the whole ordeal if not for… everything else. He exhaled, staring into nothing.
Jongin’s life had suddenly become far more complicated than a few hours before. The kind of complicated where you weren’t able to think about anything else besides the great problem.
Was he in love with Taemin?
“I don’t really know,” he admitted with great reluctance. "Don't think so."
Moonkyu deserved nothing but the truth.
* * *
The trick was proving to himself he was not in love with Taemin. Kind of a difficult task to accomplish in such little time, but as challenging as any other journey, you needed to take it step by step and hope for the best. So, attraction first. Seeing as Taemin himself was in Japan for an entire month and then some, Jongin settled on the next best course of action. YouTube and the endless existing videos of his best friend just waiting to be clicked on.
He settled onto a specific dance compilation that promised sexiness judging from the title and relaxed against the bedpost at his own place, naked from the waist down, reevaluating all events that had lead to this outcome. Jongin at last hit the play button.
And so it began, with Taemin swinging his hips at the camera. Jongin snorted at the image. He snorted a few more times, then his eyes just ended up glued to the screen because yes, Taeminnie was just this pretty. Nearly unconsciously he began tugging at his cock. A rhythm entirely adjusted to each gesture of the dancing boy and its specific intensity. This particular decision was a deliberate one - Jongin wanted to see if he could get it up for Taemin or not, especially considering it was the very first time he was jacking off to the same sex. In the end, Jongin succeeds with flying colors. Lucky him.
He had an obvious erection somewhere past the middle of the video as he fixated the various angles of Taemin’s body, other than his mesmerizing face. Those long hairless legs so flawless looking, that ass that may not be the most attractive but Jongin found it endearing all the same, small and round where it counted in those tight-fitting pants he wore. But the hips… as soon as Taemin moved that precise body part, Jongin’s grip onto his manhood tightened, sometimes altering to placing pressure on the tip of his cock when Taemin was particularly slutty. Giving up, he allowed himself the fantasy of familiar tiny fingers struggling to envelop all of him.
The Taemin from the screen seductively bent over and Jongin was done for. With sticky fingers and trembling limbs, he recovered from the most abrupt orgasm he had in his entire life, not possessing the strength to reach for the paper towels, not at first. That damn video was still playing. Or was it the next one? Autoplay was on and - did it even matter? Taemin was dancing like a classy whore on his laptop and the only thing Jongin could think of was how nice would it be to have that body onto his lap, legs spread, bare from head to toe... among other things.
Ok, Jongin had his much-desired answer by now. He had came just from watching his best friend dance, holy hell! Perhaps he could argue his dancing kink was at fault but Jongin knew better than lie to himself. His dick hadn’t been that hard even at award shows watching female artists in skirts barely covering their asses. Did that mean Jongin was gay? But he didn’t have erections from watching other guys either… only Taemin. So, simply put, his cock only liked Taemin’s totally unspecial ass?
Methodically he wiped his hands, hitting pause, escaping to the bathroom to properly get clean and stare at himself in the mirror.
He was physically attracted to Taemin, point proven. What the actual fuck? How could he look his best friend in the eye after this? Moonkyu will be on the floor rolling with laughter if he only knew. No, no need to be this harsh just yet. Once may be a coincidence, but twice… entirely unlikely. A second experiment was in store, this time relying on his own imagination. Now with pointless clean hands and another handful of paper towels, Jongin returned to bed with the air of a grave soldier set for battle - with Taemin as a worthy opponent.
Eyes shut, he allowed himself to think of yesterday’s morning when he had Taemin’s body glued to his, struggling to recall the actual sensation. And didn’t that do the trick. It took quite a bit, considering the earlier orgasm but when it did…. It was more excruciatingly delicious than any porn video. Picturing himself fucking Taemin was a wholly different experience, one it seemed his cock was particularly fond of. Another glorious orgasm followed and Jongin sighed deeply at the ceiling.
This was bad, extremely bad. Fusing any type of love with psychical attraction was a recipe for disaster. He stared down at the now flaccid dick in his right hand.
“Well, at least we’re not gay-gay. Just Taemin-gay. At least we’re not desperately in love. Yet.”
* * *
He was having lunch with the rest of EXO when the message from his best friend and now full-time existential dilemma arrived. His cheeks must have turned red, that memory hitting full speed. Delicious hips, daring movements, all of Taemin. Following a brief internal debate, Jongin excused himself, isolating on the restaurant balcony and video called the sole reason for his latest orgasm.
The radiant face belonging to Taemin made Jongin instantly dissolve into silly smiles, now magically at ease.
“Oh my, Ninni, missed me this much?”
“Guess I did,” he shamelessly admitted, having the pleasure of watching Taemin’s grin turn even brighter. “How the tour going? Spectacular, I know, but serve the best for the last when I’m coming to see you.”
Judging from the background, the fair-headed boy was at one of his many concert venues, rows of chairs glimpsed somewhere in the distance, Taemin obviously perched on the highest point of the stage, hair sticking to his forehead. Objectively speaking, he looked adorable, in a very sexy kind of way. And ok, this was getting out of hand. No need to make things weird… Jongin just hadn’t gotten laid in a long time. The masturbation-thing may also be the cause of some confusion.
Taemin enthusiastically went on, a happy child bouncing all across Jongin’s screen. Raving about the concerts, the fans, the delicious food he’d eaten without Jongin, especially insisting on the food part with a satisfied smirk, that little brat.
“You’ll get fat in no time.”
“No no no. That’s just jealousy getting the best of you. Kim Jongin, try to be the better man. Besides, I see no point, people find me attractive even with squishy cheeks.”
Jongin snorted, lump in his throat, because fine… Taemin’s cheeks were cute no matter what.
“Very modest of you, liar.”
“Liar? Who? Me? I was simply letting you know countless human beings find me attractive, a favor, truly.” He stuck out his tongue, all pink and wet. “Even men far more handsome than you.”
Jongin’s grip on his phone turned uncomfortable as laughter echoed from inside the restaurant, from another world.
“There are so many things wrong in this sentence I don’t even know where to start. You won’t find a man more good looking than me, that’s for sure. And what? Are you saying some dude made you sappy compliments and you fell for it?”
Even strangers would be able to see how flustered Taemin became. The phone presented itself to be much heavier than normal. Why? It made no sense except it did. The redness in Taemin’s cheeks hit right in his feelings. And his best friend wasn’t even lying in hopes of stirring a reaction, Jongin knew his signs of lying by heart. Someone had really made a move on him. A man. Like Jongin.
“Taeminnie… are you dating this person?”
Perhaps the most appropriate questing would have been are you into men, but whatever. Minnie had somehow hinted at it already. So, ok then. He was going to freak-out another time.
“I, no, of course not. Stealing my heart is a tremendous task, no one would be able to do it in a bat of an eye,” Taemin jiggled, a bit too forced to pass as natural. “Now seriously speaking, there’s this man in the team in charge of my concerts, naturally from SM, and these past few days he may have made some advances, nothing serious. I’ve said no, he got it, but point proven, I’m incredibly attractive to about anyone with two functional eyes. End of story.”
Jongin didn’t share his careless demeanor. So, his best friend was flattered by such attention coming from a man, nonetheless refusing said advance. Why? Because the faceless suitor was a man? Or simply because he wasn’t to Taemin’s liking? Both thoughts filled him with unease, the reason painfully clear, crystal clear. Jongin was jealous, relieved Taemin hadn’t welcomed that man and utterly concerned at the fact they just may never share something more than friendship if the refusal was gender-related. But worst of all, it crashed down on him that he himself undoubtedly desired something more. And Taemin was as clueless as ever.
He mimicked a carefree expression, hoping it would pass this unforeseen test.
“Ok, you win. You’re pretty, squishy cheeks or not. Listen… perhaps he’s a nice guy and all but take care and promise if he bothers you again let someone know, your manager, anyone. You never know with strangers…”
Taemin’s eyes softened.
“Promise. Now cease your subtle frowning, I’m ok.” Someone called out his best friend's name and Taemin grimaced. “And there goes my break…. I have to go now.” He closed the screen to his face until nothing else besides his delicate features were visible. “Thank you for… you know… not turning away from me. Bye Ninni.”
His voice was no more than a whisper.
“If I stayed when you announced you liked Ronaldo, I doubt letting go of you will ever come to happen.”
They both breathlessly shared a laugh before the conversation was cut, finding solace in the familiar habit. At least this had yet to change.
With questionable tenderness, Jongin stared down at Taemin’s caller ID, well… mostly at his picture. In the background, merry voices from inside. The sun was shining, the backyard of the restaurant filled with people going on with their day, couples, families, friends, colleagues, and he… he was in the process of making a decision which may just ruin one of the most valuable bonds in his entire existence. Remain friends or strive for more? Be happy with what he had or hope his struggles will be worth it but… yes, safety sounded… safe, yes, yet how exactly could you pretend everything was the same while jacking off to said friend? All while lie after lie you build a fake life. It would have been the first time he knowingly deceived Taemin. Jongin hated himself at the mere thought.
All things considered, one course of action remained, test if his best friend returned his particular affections. A nudge may be necessary, it remained to be seen… And if the answer was no… he’ll just have to make Taemin fall in love with him. He could do that.
Jongin blinked at his own determination. Love. Why love? He wasn’t really in love with the boy, so why expect him to be? Why go that far? Staring off into the distance, Jongin asked himself when did all these desires start. And why. Was it out of love or something darker? Did he really want Taemin to love him out of selfishness? Because of his ego? No, it was absolutely ridiculous with the actual answer comedically simple. If Taemin were to offer something more than friendship Jongin wanted it to be out of love, not curiosity, indulgence, or who knew what else. Looking each other in the eye would be far easier then.
This ghost of a plan in mind, Jongin returned to the table. Half of the food had vanished by now and he took care of his own plate, the only one still partially full.
“Are you sure you aren’t seeing anyone? Mysterious much these past days…”
Chanyeol was arching both brows, genuine curiosity in his eyes. On his right, Baekhyun threw him a knowing smile, conspiratory in all his might. Barely surpassing a groan, he finished chewing before forming a response.
“Well… no.” Jongin made a long pause. “Not yet.”
They all stared, silence for exactly three seconds before everybody erupted as if a giant verbal fight was taking place.
“What?”
“Who? Who?”
“Jongin, spill the tea, man!”
“Come on, tell us! Who? Who?”
Well, everyone besides Baekhyun, who appeared terribly satisfied as he sipped his juice.
“Until it happens it’s a secret so bear with me,” he joked, feeling unwanted heat rise in his cheeks.
Sighs, one after another, but his wish was mostly respected.
“You’re pretty sure it’s going to happen,” commented Kyungsoo. “Do they like you this much already?”
The question was innocent enough yet Jongin felt kind of attacked.
“He likes me well enough. I know he does.”
He. Another clue. Baekhyun was having the time of his life, the rest were speculating and Jongin was really really considering the prospect of failure in this ambitious quest of winning Taemin’s heart.
* * *
But how did you make someone who you’ve know all your life fall in love with you if they have yet to do so by now?
Racking his brains for nearly a whole week, Jongin came to the only rational conclusion. He required help, better said help in form of romantic advice. So, with this in mind, he invited Moonkyu at his place in one of his days off, under the common excuse of playing video games and stuffing themselves with popcorn in the living room, because sure as hell Jongin wouldn’t allow his friend in the bed where he had… done stuffs. Repeatedly.
He asked this particular question while Moonkyu was somewhat distracted, having just had Connor killed for the third time since playing the game. An achievement of some sort.
“I… what?”
Suspicious eyes were set on Jongin, judging around a mouthful of cheese-flavored popcorn.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Depends. What do you think I’m saying?”
“I think you’re asking me how to romance Taemin. Are you?”
Jongin should have been a little more subtle. Yet what other friends he could have been talking about? Opening and closing his mouth another few times, he simply shrugged his acceptance.
“Well… yeah. Kinda. So? Helpful tips you’d like to share?”
Moonkyu’s eyes were comically round, blinking at Jongin like never before, the Playstation and the fate of unlucky Connor long forgotten. Even the popcorn appeared to have lost its attractiveness at the moment. Completely understandable in the face of such confession, nonetheless intimidating.
“Just give me a moment,” his friend sighed before dramatically placing a palm over his own heart. “In fact, a few more moments… This… this is like the second lead finally getting the girl… except even better.” Jongin really wasn't amused. “Don’t frown at me, it is. Damn... I should have agreed to that bet with Kwonho, except I would have never believed you’re going to just… try to tap Taemin’s ass. You- Kim Jongin, the one who was in denial for as long as I’ve known him.”
“Please don’t talk about Taemin’s ass.”
“Why not?”
Jongin groaned.
“Because… Because. Just don’t.”
“Man…” Moonkyu appeared engulfed in compassion. “Jealous already? You’re totally smitten.”
“Stop. I need advice, not second-hand embarrassment.”
“Advice on the way, but you can’t just drop this bomb and expect me to simply go along without asking any questions. Honestly now...” Moonkyu made such a long pause Jongin thought his friend had simply given up on his cause. “Ok… romance Taemin… for starters, what do you have in mind, Romeo?”
“That’s the problem,” Jongin ranted. "Absolutely nothing. And no, it’s not because I’m bad at seducing people, so don’t dare utter this stupidity. I could probably seduce just about anyone besides Taemin. Thing is… I have no idea how to let my intentions known without plainly saying it to his face and probably terrifying him for the rest of our lives. Going to movies, dinner, late-night strolls or drives won’t work on him. We’ve already done all these and way more. It’ll be ‘just two friends spending time together’ no matter what. So, what do I do?”
In the absence of the background music from the game, they stood in silence while futility grabbed a hold of Jongin. The attempt of recovering his unshaken confidence from a week ago was anything but fruitful. Such high expectations in the face of reality. Taemin had said it himself, stealing my heart is a tremendous task, no one would be able to do it in a bat of an eye. Yet perhaps there was still some amount of hope. One person who knew him so well should be more than capable to come out with a decent proposal. Right?
Yet Moonkyu appeared equally baffled.
“Well, you’re right. This ain’t easy but… would it be so hard to simply confess? No, don’t give me this look, I’m not saying to run to him and announce your undying love. Just do something nice together, something ordinary you’ve done times before, but make it special. Look fondly at him, speak softly to him, hold his hand more than usual, notice how Taemin reacts, and judge for yourself. I don’t know, I’m no expert in the land of romance, but at least this should offer some results for the time being. See where this is going.”
In retrospect, Jongin’s own alternatives had been way worse, an embarrassing song among said alternatives. He tentatively nodded at his friend, reaching for the bowl of popcorn while Moonkyu visibly fought his own thriving curiosity.
“So… Now that we have some kind of plan in store, tell me for I’m dying to know, when did you realize our precious Taemin was boyfriend material? Everything’s material actually.”
Jongin was sure as hell his adventures in the land of homosexual masturbation were to forever remain a secret.
“Just happened.”
And, well, it kind of did.
* * *
He should have known better than jumping into a plane heading to Japan. Make it special, Moonkyu had said. What could be more special than running away to your best friend without getting a wink of sleep after countless rehearsals in the face of a looming comeback? Yes, perhaps childish or desperate was a proper way to describe said action yet Jongin just had to see him. Berlin was still weeks away… he couldn’t wait that long. Besides, this was a vital part of the whole operation: make Lee Taemin fall in love with him, step one… or two. Make it special. This screamed special.
But really, now that Jongin considered his actions, yes, it was sort of weird. The manager may have been lied to, on unsteady grounds he was visiting his family, so Jongin pulled at his face mask, wishing for the white material to hide his whole face. If he got into a taxi without someone snapping a picture, he will call it a miracle. And the miracle took place! No running after him, no screaming! No camera flashes in sight!
At three in the morning, the streets were not particularly crowded as the car slithered towards Taemin’s hotel, Jongin still texting his best friend’s manager.
Are you sure he’s up? The last thing I wish for is to bother. I can always get another room until tomorrow morning.
He’s up, don’t worry. We’ve finished just half an hour ago. Room 318, remember. Have fun, boys.
Thank you for the help, hyung.
The have fun part could be interpreted in a great number of ways. Jongin's own perverted thoughts being at fault for jumping to a very specific conclusion. The memory of that video made him tighten in his pants. Great. Marvelous. Absolutely spectacular.
The man behind the front desk was busy with his phone as Jongin simply passed by, just another ordinary guest of the hotel. He still couldn’t believe no one had recognized him. Elevator… room 318, room 318… there it was, right before his eyes. Jongin still had time to turn back or… at least wait until morning and turn back then. Nonsense, Kim Jongin was no quitter - he’d do what needed to be done, what he needed to be done. Taemin, he needed Taemin.
After four knocks, faint footsteps echoed from the other side of the door, and Jongin braced for impact.
“Nini?”
Jongin lost his ability to speak (and think) for a few moments. His best friend was as beautiful as ever, pretty face, fluffy hair, pouty lips but, but - legs, his damn legs! The very short shorts Taemin was clad in left nothing to the imagination. The inviting milky skin of his thighs, smooth looking and hairless, entirely inappropriate, all out in the open for Jongin to stare at, a feast to watch. Yet… why were the shorts so short? For what purpose?
For whom?
Next thing he knew, he had that precious body draped all over himself, a welcoming excuse for not forming a coherent answer to the adorable greeting. Jongin returned the hug with more enthusiasm than usual, which said a lot. The weight of Taemin in his arms felt different than before, felt more, felt monumental. The orange smell of the body lotion his best friend was obsessed with hit his nostrils, clinging to the very skin meeting Jongin’s own. Those thin arms wrapped around his neck as he held the smaller boy closer and slightly up, keeping Taemin on his toes... everything. It mattered not, Jongin supported most of his weight anyway, forever. And he was still clinging to Taemin like a madman… perhaps he should let go. He definitely should.
Taemin’s face was near his own when they set apart, bringing an end to the prolonged body contact. Such a sweet moment and Jongin was bombarded with memories of his masturbation sessions, eyes drifting to Taemin’s legs. Those damn legs!
A hand on his forearm ushered him inside an ordinary yet expensive-looking hotel room, Taemin’s laptop opened on a half-made bed, a water bottle on the nightstand. Quite obviously, the manager had been right. Taemin proved to be miles away from sleeping even at this hour, way past three in the morning. A strange kind of exhaustion, he knew. The kind where you reviewed your songs, your choreography, everything. Even your face. And you still liked nothing.
“Had something bad happened?”
Jongin placed down his bag at the corner of the bed, somehow dodging the uncomfortable question.
“No. Just… just wanted to see you.”
And, well… it wasn’t even a lie, to begin with. That much Taemin appeared to understand. Unfairly graceful he jumped back on the bed, pushed over the laptop and the water bottle, patting the now free space next to him. Jongin stared, first at his legs, then at his ass, then at his face, at his raised eyebrow.
This was getting out of hand.
“Sleep here I guess?” Taemin asked, stretching out his inviting limbs, more graceful than any feline.
“Yeah.”
Jongin’s voice came out too low, too suggestive. If the pretty boy detected the foolish subtility, he said nothing, eyes cast down while Jongin stripped, getting ready for the night. Running his hands through his hair, he decided for a bold move. Heart threatening to leave his chest, Jongin stalked to the bed and, without a word, laid his head in Taemin’s lap, his sweaty temple meeting bare skin. Looking up, the boy was undoubtedly gazing right back, posture stiff for only a moment. Immediately after, Taemin relaxed, tiny fingers grazing at Jongin’s scalp, routine saying its holy word.
Please don’t have an erection right now. Think about dead bears and crying children, not about bewitching Taemin.
“You’re kinda scaring me Nini,” his crush confessed, nails tapping near his nape, lulling Jongin to sleep under a false sense of normality. “You’re acting odd.”
“Odd? Why? For being here? Do I need a reason every time I want to glimpse the face of my best friend?”
This had been a clear chance at confessing, yet to ruin this tranquil moment, to turn Taemin’s body stiff from shook… no, not yet. There’ll be plenty of moments from now on… perhaps, perhaps soon.
Taemin’s fingers had stilled their journey. Their gazes meet and held one another, with acknowledgment, with softness, no different than usual. Tired and sleepy, Jongin tackled the absurd urge to grab hold of Taemin’s hand and bring those delicate fingers in his mouth. No amount of platonic friendship will serve as an explanation, least of all a decent one.
“Missed you too.”
Jongin smiled up at him and with a sigh moved for the other pillow, abandoning the heaven that was Taemin’s lap. Far from a genuine wish but Taemin needed proper rest, not aching back and legs to ruin his day and his performance. And, in an absurd need of honesty, to banish the temptation away, the temptation to touch. And oh, how Jongin wished to touch what was before his eyes.
Peace and quiet between them yet anything but. Even Taemin sensed the wrong for he slithered his tiny hand into Jongin’s own in hopes of… something. It was precious and defeating, stealing his breath away, his peace and quiet. Didn’t Taemin know what he was offering?
“Jongin?”
“Yes?”
Taemin’s eyes shined in the semi-darkness like stars. Two dazzling stars blinking at him in a hotel room. An unworthy sight for any mortal.
“Nothing,” smiled Taemin, lazily blinking. "Whatever reason, I’m just glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
Kim Jongin… Jongin thought with bitterness and resignation, closing his eyes away from his desire. Why him?
Who else, it responded.
* * *
“Quiet. I’m in the intricate process of reading your enormous palm.”
Jongin was quiet. Intentions and instructions aside, the reason… another. With Taemin clutching his left hand as if a precious object and with Taemin’s face leaning over his own, words simply did not found their place. The other boy was bewitching, a vampire, a fairy, an enchanting being from another universe, a different cosmos, a faraway world. Jongin stressed at his own childish thoughts, hands sweating. Just great. But no please, not right now.
“Fine, magical boy,” he theatrically sighed in order to banish forbidden instincts from reaching out and touching his best friend in a very unfriendly manner. “What does it say? Something clever?”
They were wasting precious time at the inside pool belonging to the fancy hotel, SM’s money buying well-deserved privacy. Management had already caught wind of his escapade but besides throwing a fit and more than a few words of disappointment over the phone, there was nothing they could do about it. Not yet anyway. At the end of the day, Jongin’s free time was Jongin’s free time, his business only with whom he spent it with… within certain limits. Anyhow, if they wished to conceal their meeting from the public eye, then so it be. More privacy, the better for the two of them.
Talking about better. Better and beyond. At the moment Taemin was leisurely sitting on the pool’s edge, bare legs lazily swinging in and out of water, draped on either side of Jongin’s body. And Jongin… Jongin was standing between his inviting legs, looking up at the pretty boy clutching his hand in deep concentration, feeling a bit self-conscious about his bulky arm resting on top of Taemin’s lithe thigh. Did it hurt? Was it too heavy? Should he ask?
“Hmm, let’s see… Well, I can’t lie, it says you love me.” Silence. Taemin must have discerned the sudden shudder that shook at his body as he gazed down at Jongin through his thick lashes. “And that you’re going to pay for our next meal. See? It’s written here in this little corner.”
Voice laced with amusement yet Jongin wasn’t sure he wished to play this game. Why? To wait some more in hopes of a perfect occasion for a possible perfect romance that didn't really exist at the moment? Prod a little more around Taemin’s hidden desires? What for? Wasn’t this the chance he had planned for? Surely a sign of some sort.
Besides, Jongin could be subtle.
“So… are you dating anyone?”
Right… subtle.
As if burned Taemin let go of his hand, eyebrows knitted together in an adorable frown. Familiar reluctance onto his face, expression whispering tricky territory. Last chance to go back, it retaliated in stubborn whispering. But Jongin did not want to go back, not even back to the perfection that they already were. Besides, he still hung onto an answer.
Let it still be no.
“No but…” Yes yes yes! “You already know this, I would have mentioned such if it were the case. Why the sudden curiosity?” Taemin’s scowl made way to a far more pointed look. “Jongin… are you dating someone new again?”
Was it wrath swimming in Taemin’s eyes? Jealousy? Dare it be? Dare he hope so?
“No but…” Right Jongin, head up, here we go. With bravery confess to the may-be love of your life! “I do fancy a specific someone. For a while now. Very much. I think.”
“Oh.”
Jongin’s heart skipped a bit. The flash of hurt on Taemin’s face had been unmistakable. Both this and the subtle movement of inching back in hopes of leaving Jongin’s space. But Jongin was quicker, large hands on Taemin’s thighs keeping the boy in place. The bridge of their platonic bond had been crossed right then and there. The air smelled different, goosebumps dancing all over Taemin’s skin, skin Jongin was currently smothering with the pads of his fingers, one instinct driving his thoughts: touch him, touch him, touch him.
“You know…” this confident voice seemed to belong to a stranger, not to Jongin, perhaps to Kai. “My plans were many and complicated, drama worthy one could argue. Should have acted in time, test the territory first, look for hidden signs. Yet, here we are. Life’s like this so I’m going to say it and if you hate me…. please don’t hate me Minnie.” A deep breath. “So, Lee Taemin, that’s it, I like you. I like you.”
There. The harm, done, consequences... to be seen.
He had fantasized about fiery kissing… but no. In a blink of an eye, Taemin stood, arms around himself as if freezing, peering down at Jongin, visibly startled by such confession. At least hate was not found in his gaze. Yet hate would pale in comparison to a sweet refusal leaving those plump lips. But who knew if Taemin was going to be sweet or not. From his silence and from his little run… quite far from it.
Let him speak first.
Biting his lower lip, Taemin found difficulties in forming a verbal response.
“I…” he tried at last when the silence became unbearable. “Don’t be stupid. Of course, I don’t hate you but don’t do this to us. Just, you’re bored, confused, perhaps half interested in the unknown after recently being single. Let’s not disappoint each other over something that’s not worth it.”
Yet the tremor in Taemin’s tone offered a second chance. And another. And another.
Jongin huffed at the groundless accusation, pushing back his soaked hair before hopping out of the basin, stalking over to Taemin in what he hoped was an attractive manner. The blonde boy had his chin up, looking both defying and vulnerable.
“Taemin, don’t put words in my mouth. I meant what I said.”
“Right, of course… and since when did you realize you liked me? Last night after pressing against my body in your sleep?”
Such mocking words from such a lovely mouth. Hell to all plans, to all subtlety.
“Since I masturbated to videos of you. Since I can’t listen to my own songs without your face invading my thoughts. Call me bored now, Taeminnie?”
Taemin had the decency of looking away, blinking, silent, yet he did not flee.
“Would you mind giving me an answer?” he managed to ask, feeling his fingers shake, from resentment, from anticipation, hope. “Forgive my interest if bothersome.”
The low blow was nearly intentional. Taemin flinched, meeting Jongin’s eyes at once.
“Let me think, you think too. Seriously. At the moment I need to go back to rehearsals, so we’ll talk about this in the evening if you still want to.”
Taemin left without hitting the showers and Jongin stared after him, once again finding no words. To say yes, ok, to plead for Taemin to stay… or to demand it. His imagination had not provided such an alternative at the time of voicing his attraction. Now nothing but waiting, agonizingly waiting. Was Jongin on the point of winning his desire, or had he already lost? He was entertaining both perspectives yet, for now, he choosed to keep his heart safe and guarded. A few hours of waiting, then Jongin would know for sure.
He needed to clear his mind, out with pretty Taemin for a while.
Jongin dived back into the water but imaginary Taemin stayed with him.
* * *
When at last the door pushed open Jongin thought he may be imagining the exciting event (only four hours had passed since he stared at it like a creep). Pushing away from the bedpost, he drank into Taemin’s sight. An exhausted yet beautiful Taemin who froze like a deer caught in the headlights as soon as he made eye-contact with Jongin, as if he had forgotten about his existence in the first place.
“Hey. Thought you’d be asleep by now,” Taemin mumbled after an unnatural silence threatening to stretch even further, placing his heavy backpack onto a random place on the floor, disrobing his jacket nearly in slow motion, taking his sweet time stalling the inevitable outcome.
Had they turned this awkward in so little time?
“Have you been waiting at the door?”
Taemin’s slightly guilty expression whispered a not really but also, not a vehement denial. He had then, something along those lines. Perhaps at the concert venue, perhaps downstairs.
“Minnie… let’s not do this. Tell me no or tell me yes but don’t act like we’re not us,” Jongin pleaded in a tired yet bitter tone. “We’re closer than this.”
The response came immediately, as if Taemin had been holding it all in, waiting for his sole chance at freedom. With a huff he stalked closer, tiny hands twisted together, a trademark sign of nervousness. Jongin stood as well, meeting him half-way. This - this resembled a game, a game of pushing and pulling, baiting your adversary to… to do what exactly? God, adversary! Such stupid word for him and Taemin, for everything they were and for everything they used to be. For everything they may be.
“Yes or no? I’m not your toy!” the other huffed, nostrils flaring, blinking and blinking and blinking. “Not a quick second option for when you grow bored with another pretty girl who caught your eye in the first place. You speak about liking me, but you like me overnight and I’m supposed to believe you won’t like some other person just the same, overnight, like countless times before...” Taemin’s eyes turned cold but the rant went on. “Like… no, not like, I love you, Jongin, loved you for years, and if you think I’ll settle for anything less you’re gravely mistaken. Forgive my monologue but I’m tired of games and second-guessing. And I’m terrified of the moment you’ll disappoint me. Because you will. You’re you and I know you.”
Who was letting whom down?
Worse… Jongin had no answer to such accusations, to such confession. Taemin loved him, Taemin stood before him, Taemin had no trust in him. And Jongin… searched for trust in himself too. For the will to tell Taemin he was wrong but... was he? Staring his best friend in the eye, Jongin could not lie, could not disappoint, could not hurt him more than he already had.
“The last thing I wish for is to let you down”. That much was true. “I hope you know that. Taeminnie… perhaps you’re right, perhaps you’re not. What to say…” Appropriate words could not be found. “I desire you, I care about your happiness, I cherish it as much as my own. But deeming it enough for your standards… that’s your choice to make.”
Taemin was on the verge of crying. Because of him. Blinking tears, throat visibly contracting with a painful swallow, the image delivered a punch in Jongin’s gut. He ached to embrace, to comfort, to whisper sweet promises in Taemin’s ears, but he could not touch just yet. They had traced another line now, built an entire wall this time. And the door was still locked.
“I-”
“Perfect.” Taemin cut him. “For real. We... it’s better this way.”
Lies. Plain lies.
“No, it’s not. You don’t know that.”
“Nor do you. So…. don’t, just don’t.”
“Let us try, Taemin,” he nearly shouted in the other boy’s face, stalking closer. “Just… don’t deprive us of potential happiness. Look, give me a chance - only one chance. One chance and I swear to you that if I'll ever hurt you again I’ll leave you alone forever. Please.”
Jongin did not know what moved him to make such an offer, for it was a blatant lie as Kim Jongin could never leave Lee Taemin alone. But the words ripped from him as though someone had put a fist down his throat and seized them. A part of him was grateful, another accused the shameless dishonesty.
And Taemin… Taemin remained silent… for a time. He backed away from Jongin, wordlessly seeking the bed - or perhaps distance. He choosed the bed but the distance did not materialize as Jongin followed, hovering above Taemin’s sitting form. Then he met Jongin’s gaze. Taemin’s eyes blazed like clouds clad in lightning… there was something else there, something aside vulnerability... a calculating gleam.
It posed contradictions.
“We’ll see how things go,” his best friend let out at last, voice quite unsure, as if asking a question while also providing an answer. Then he nodded to himself, gaining confidence in his own decision. “Time will tell, there’s no need to hurry. No need to regret this later.”
He had won.
“Yes, whatever you wish for,” Jongin agreed, fighting the stupid urge to smile for Taemin appeared anything else but happy. Tense seemed like an appropriate word for description. “Should I book another room?”
Taemin’s brows furrowed, visibly confused, and visibly adorable.
“Another room?”
“In case you don’t want me here anymore.” It was meant to be said lightly… the result was another.
With a sigh, Taemin laid back on the bed, eyes on the ceiling.
“I’m not going to kick you out, I’m not this petty.”
“You kinda are at times,” Jongin said and had the relief of glimpsing Taemin’s lips curl in amusement.
Good, this was good, this was them, their friendly banter, their habits, them. So he joined the other boy, dutifully keeping to his side of the bed, watching Taemin rest with his back at him. At some point both of their stomachs growled so they ordered and ate in bed, silently watching some ancient Japanese movie playing on the tv. Some words proved tricky and probably prompted by Jongin’s puzzled expressions, Taemin decided to creatively translate the meaningful conversations, a slice of half-eaten pizza in his lithe hand.
“I don’t think that’s what she’s saying,” confessed Jongin with an involuntary laugh. “They didn't do that kind of thing in black and white movies.”
“You don’t think people called one another fools in old films?”
“But she clearly loves him, said so herself,” he argued. “Doesn’t quite fit the image.”
Taemin finished the remains of his pizza before bothering to respond.
“And he still acted like a fool. Coexistence.”
“Ok, that’s fair.”
It didn’t take a genius to figure they weren’t talking about the movie anymore.
The mattress shifted when Taemin got up and disposed of the empty tray and plates. Jongin watched him engage in this mundane task and thought back to similar nights, nights far more lively than this one, nights when they laughed loudly enough for nearby guests to file complaints to the hotel staff. Oh, and that one time Taemin broke the bed at his parents’ house just because Jongin confidently stated the blonde boy couldn’t possibly touch the ceiling (he was proven wrong).
“Want to cuddle?”
As Taemin stilled in his movements, Jongin tried to recall the precise emotion and general thought pattern that had led him to issue the invitation. By far, not the first time they would spend the night tangled in each other’s arms, but definitely the first time it meant so much more than simply comfort and habits.
“Sure, why not?”
Said in a nonchalant manner but Taemin oozed tension while he returned back to the bed. Jongin made himself comfortable, opening his arms. The first touch brought a smile on his lips even if Taemin simply nestled his back against him, Jongin’s hands resting over his tummy. So warm, so inviting by presence alone.
“Thank you.”
He felt Taemin inhale a sharp breath as Jongin’s lips brushed his nape.
“Are you going to thank me every time we’ll share the same bed?”
“Is that an invitation?”
Perhaps Taemin sought a more cozy position, perhaps he purposely pushed himself closer to Jongin. Innocence or premeditation? Taemin had the necessary assets to play either role.
“Maybe.”
Jongin nodded with a smirk that his bed partner could surely experience upon his skin. Their conversation died, but when Taemin laced their fingers together, there was no need for words to express intentions or directions. Jongin’s previous dreams paled in comparison to the reality. Eyes closed, he held Taemin tighter.
* * *
The following morning Jongin's eyes opened before Taemin's. Admiration time, an excited voice hurried to whisper words of celebration. Creeping time, another so kindly suggested, unwanted advisers resembling Baekhyun, and Moonkyu, perhaps just a bit. But no matter, for he simply gazed at the closed eyelids, at the flushed cheeks and at the momentary absence of Taemin’s intimidating presence, and wanted to kiss him more than anything in the world. Instead, Jongin settled for running his fingers through soft light hair, grazing the hot forehead —
—to find out the other boy was burning.
And so they spent the better part of that day, enclosed in the cozy hotel room, with Taemin huddled underneath more covers than truly necessary and with Jongin looking after him, more eager than he should be. All who needed to know about his best friend’s sudden illness had been announced and now with additional free time, even grumpy and sick Taemin laughed from time to time at the colorful insults traded in SpongeBob. Personally, Jongin didn’t think they were that funny, but whatever, as long as Taemin expressed visible happiness. And so Jongin smiled fondly at the sight of the blonde boy cradling an enormous mug of hot chocolate between his lithe palms.
Unfairly adorable. Unfairly pretty.
Grabbing the remote, he joined Taemin in bed, careful not to provoke more movements than required, as none wanted to sleep in stained and wet sheets. Once settled, he saw Minnie scrunch his nose in a manner that was far too precious. It would have been inappropriate to reach for his phone and snap a picture.
“You’ll get sick too,” the boy complained. “Then guess who’ll have to offer explanations to the company."
“Don’t whine and finish your drink. Last night we agreed on sharing many beds, didn’t we? No way I’m leaving you alone now. Besides, I’m the one kinda in trouble for running here to you in the first place, so don’t complain.”
Rare as it was, Taemin did as told, snuggling closer to Jongin, this time with obvious purpose. Jongin smirked and stretched his arm to accommodate the welcomed intruder. Taemin may sneeze all over him but Jongin was childishly happy, placing a kiss upon blonde damp hair.
“Your manager is still going to kill me if you catch the flu…” insisted Taemin but he did not pull back at all, the cheeky brat that he was.
That sparked an idea.
"About that… why don’t you come home with me when we return to Korea?" Jongin dared while staring straight ahead at Patrick’s excessively round eyes on the TV screen. “Let’s not worry your mom. Besides, I’ve proven an adept caretaker for your fragile self.”
Taemin snorted then proceeded to cough, not putting up any fight when Jongin gently collected the chocolate mug from his quivering hands. Better not take any risks. Wet sheets were no fun. Another cough made Taemin’s body tremble by the time Jongin leaned over him, pushing damp hair away from his eyes. The boy’s skin was still warm but not quite burning as before, improvements in health discernible, but, at the end of the day, it proved far too soon to ask for a complete and irrevocable recovery. Yet as long as the temperature dropped, Jongin could be happy and perhaps a little proud of himself.
“I’m literally breathing in your face right now.”
Ah, yes.
“Yes, you are.”
He wanted to smack himself as soon as the blonde boy arched an eyebrow, managing superiority even while looking like an overdressed penguin. Then, skimming over his poorly thought answer, Jongin realized he rested nearly on top of the other boy, fingers still grazing Taemin’s forehead, while his other hand was twisted in the sheets covering his Taemin’s waist. In a simple conclusion, far too close for medical safety and far too close for intimate decency. Yes, what clouded Jongin’s mind at the moment had little hope of being labeled as decent.
Taemin blinked as if both confused and worried when Jongin made no move to place distance between them. No, he did the exact opposite, pressing even closer, slowly, watching for possible signs of discomfort, seeing none. And then, an instant later, it finally happened: hesitant at first, Jongin’s lips hovering inches away from Taemin’s before they barely brushed, a soft and impossibly warm press which ignited something in his belly. Familiar slender fingers tangled in his hair and Taemin arched into him from head to toe. At once Jongin groaned into his mouth, the only rational response to finally having Taemin so close and so intimately, all his to touch and kiss.
He tasted hot chocolate and shallow breaths which screamed of Taemin’s sorry state and while lips molded against one another as his best friend made room for him between his legs, Jongin chooses the unpleasant alternative named responsibility, slightly pulling back, kissing at the corners of Taemin’s inviting mouth now displaying a pout.
“You definitely got the flu now,” warned Taemin, voice uncharacteristically shaky and unsure, warm palms on Jongin’s cheeks, looking even more flushed and so very pretty.
“Perhaps, but I think it’s worth the price.”
Taemin laughed.
“Big dumbass.”
”Evil vampire.”
“Have you ever seen a good vampire? And no — don’t say Twilight.”
Jongin indeed did not say anything else and deciding that the worst had already been done, he leaned down and kissed a very willing Taemin. Any sickness was worth Taemin’s legs around his waist, his moans in Jongin’s ear.
* * *
From a certain point of view, Jongin understood the amusement — Taemin did look like a tiny child clad in far too many clothing items in bigger sizes than his own, but that did not mean he was pleased to have Baekhyun laughing at his best…. everything upon returning to EXO’s dorm nearly a week later from the flu incident. Fiercely protective, he interlocked their fingers, casting a warning glance in the older man’s direction which only served to amuse him further. Then Baekhyun’s eyes fell to their joined hands and only then did he truly laugh.
Oh, realized Jongin. They had been far from subtle.
“Oh my god, Jongin,” giggled his bandmate, “do turn off the panicked gay mode on your face. Just the panicked bit I mean.”
By the time Taemin joined in the laughter Jongin decided he would wait just a bit before informing Moonkyu on the latest developments of his attempt to woo Taemin. There was only so much embarrassment he could handle.
“You’re the worst,” he complained, tugging Taemin towards his room.
“You mean the best. Also, congrats on finally hooking up. I thought Jongin was going to grow white hairs before confessing.”
Taemin’s giggles were a fair price to pay for the slight betrayal of Jongin’s secrets so publicly revealed. The giggles did not stop not even after the door was closed and Baekhyun went to annoy someone else. Leaning against the wall, he watched his boyfriend sit on his bed, tilting his head at him like a curious cat.
“What?” asked Taemin.
“Nothing… just… it’s not good for my heart when you smile this way.”
Those plump lips curled even further while their owner stared Jongin right in the eye. Tilted his head even more, gaze growing mischievous. A game then — so Jongin played, still at first, watching Taemin swinging his knees rather childishly, the final position having them spread rather suggestively.
“You know,” he began as he marched to his bed, “For someone having me on probation for the role of your boyfriend, you show little reluctance. And much teasing.”
A shadow of doubt crossed Taemin’s face before Jongin knelt between his legs, taking the boy’s face in his palms.
“Hey, I was just teasing.” He pressed a fugitive kiss onto Taemin’s nose. “And I like you teasing me. Just as usual… and a bit different now, I guess. But different is good. Very good.”
“Yes, very good,” echoed Taemin in a low, intimate voice, eyes soft as he looked down and then up again. “Can you kiss me now, please?”
Jongin started at him for the shortest of moments before giving in to what they both wanted. He had kissed Taemin dozens of times the days before, yet his blood boiled just as much as their first-ever press of lips. This right now ached even more. When knees nudged into his hips, Jongin stood with a breathless Taemin in his arms, stealing his place on the bed, with the other boy in his lap. His fingers pressed into the small of Taemin’s back, encouraging him to stay still, yet Taemin did the exact opposite, rotating his hips as none other than him could do. This time, Jongin’s grip on his waist was a warning as they breathlessly stared into each other’s eyes.
“We came here to get me a few clothes, but if you keep grinding on me like this, I may fuck you while my bandmate is not even ten steps away.”
He could swear Taemin’s pupils dilated as he gazed at Jongin through his lashes. Kinky brat, he thought fondly.
“May I remind you you’re the one clutching my hips?”
“You definitely may not.” With a regretful chuckle, Jongin delivered a small slap at Taemin’s ass. “Up, princess, help me pack, especially that hoodie you keep stealing from me. And let’s go home after.”
The press of lips on top of his head had Jongin’s heart racing once again. With frustrating hesitance, he released the boy’s hips and let him stand before following his example. All while, Taemin was smirking as if knowing every single desire buried beneath Jongin’s skin. Naturally, Jongin could not let this occasion slip, even though countless other opportunities waited in the future.
He huffed a chuckle as he dropped his head, pressing a firm kiss to Taemin’s temple.
“Still think I don’t love you, Minnie?”
Taemin offered no answer but that was ok — of them both, he was always the one to open not so easily. It was fine, they had time.
Hours later he sent Moonkyu a picture of his and Taemin’s intertwined fingers.
100% in love with one another.
Fin