Chapter Text
Sometimes Kakashi forgets how innocent his own former student is. It's easy to, since he became a war hero at the tender age of 16. Plus he was a student of Jiraiya, the infamous author of his beloved erotic novels. And hell, how was he supposed to be believe he was, when Naruto invented a jutsu that had a full frontal display of all luscious curves and a seductive temptress.
So when those words dropped out of his mouth like a bombshell he really shouldn't have been so surprised. Yet here he was, mouth agape behind his mask and nursing his neck at the possible whiplash he just gave himself.
"Hey Kakashi-sensei, what's a handjob?" Naruto asks one day, as nonchalantly as if he were asking him the weather. They were sitting at Ichiraku's for their weekly dinner on friday night, and they had been chatting for over an hour or so just catching up when Naruto decided to give Kakashi a god damn heart attack.
"Don't you think that topic is a little...ahem inappropriate? All considering..." He gestured to the patrons of the restaurant, which was few at most. Naruto just gave him a confused look, as if he didn't understand. Which is when Kakashi then realized. Oh my god, he actually doesn't know.
"What? Inappropriate? Pssh c'mon...isn't it like what you describe a jutsu or something? Or wait...no? Could it be a slang term for a mission? I bet that's what it is! Well? Which is it?"
How the hell was he supposed to tell this bright eyed boy that his pure thoughts were so utterly wrong. It wasn't fair. What did he do to deserve this? He felt dirty all of a sudden, and that was really something. Because he was known for reading all the smut and porn in broad daylight, in front of children for god's sakes.
"Maa...well this is quite unexpected Naruto. Didn't you learn this while you were traveling abroad with Jiraiya? Surely you must have?" Naruto hesitated, his wide grin dropping suddenly and just when Kakashi thought Naruto finally got it, he felt the other shoe drop. "Don't tell me..." His voice dropped its volume and he curled his hand over his mouth to whisper between them. "It's a forbidden jutsu?"
Again why did this happen to him of all people. "No Naruto, it's not. Are you messing with me right now because I swear..." Kakashi grumbled, rubbing between his eyes and leaning backwards on his stool. "So...if it's not any of those, then what is it?" Naruto asked annoyed. He crossed his arms and pinched his eyes closed in that impossible Naruto way of his.
"We are not having this conversation here, come on." Kakashi shot from his seat in a rush, dropped whatever change he had in his pockets on the counter and left the establishment. He tried to control the absolute flames licking across his face at the moment.
Reading about these things was one thing. In the privacy of one's own mind, they were like secrets hidden away like a forgotten treasure. Speaking them aloud was an entirely different situation. What can one expect when he could barely read those few pages to gather critical information. He could try to run away, but Naruto had a little tool at his disposal that would pinpoint his location immediately.
He could offer an excuse, that most likely would end up coming back to bite him in the ass. The only solution here is to suck it up and tell him the honest truth. Either way he was in quite a tough spot. He never bothered to turn around to see if Naruto was actually following him but when a bandaged hand grabbed his wrist and stopped him from walking he didn't have to. But he did have another question burning in his mind. Why did he stop him?
He looked up at his former student with furrowed brows and the light airy chuckle that mingled in the cool night air had him suck in his breath so fast it left him winded. "What is it?" Kakashi was lost watching the way Naruto's eyes crinkled when he smiled and barely heard the next words out of his mouth. "You passed your house." Kakashi looked around then to peruse his surroundings and found that, yes, he did indeed pass his house. By four whole blocks.
"Maa, sorry I guess I was just lost in thought." He turned away and walked back towards the location of his home with Naruto right on his heels. If he had been on the wrong side of a bad day he would have completely ignored the way Naruto was acting like an excited puppy about to get the largest bone in the world. Yet the day had actually been quite nice, everything going right for once and he knew something was about to make the day end amazingly or fuck it up in the worst way possible.
Maybe he could avoid Naruto for like...the rest of his life. Either way he was right on his doorstep and about to break some news to Naruto. He couldn't help but hope he didn't ruin the close friendship that had developed over the past few months. Maybe he was just--
"You are definitely overthinking things. You've been just standing there for like five minutes now. Everything okay sensei?" Naruto peered over Kakashi's shoulder and quirked his eyebrow in worry at the frozen hand holding the key just out of reach from his lock.
Kakashi had to swallow the hysterical whine that threatened to break free at the way Naruto just hung off his shoulder, breath fanning over his heated cheek. That was the last thing he wanted right now. Not with the bomb he was about to drop.
Kakashi cleared his throat, and quickly unlocked his door stepping throught the threshold and flicking on the lights. He was greeted by the barking and shouting of his ninken and he had to suppress the sudden smile that erupted on his face at the way Naruto cooed at them.
While they were fiercely intelligent in battle they were still dogs at heart and Naruto was one of the very few people who had the ability to turn them into goofy little shits. But that's an ability he was always in awe of. Because he did that to him too. Seemed to make him forget about all of the troubles that pestered him. Not tonight though, because Naruto was the reason for his stress and was about to shave a few years off his life.
Naruto was laying on the ground allowing the dogs to trample him and slobber all over his face and giggling like a god damn child. All the more reason he didn't want to do this. He didn't care that he was about to turn 18, he wanted to preserve whatever little innocence he had left. "You want something to drink? I have water, tea, uh--"
"Ya know, you're acting really weird. You act like I haven't been here every friday night after dinner." Naruto peered up at him from his position on the floor. What a cheeky little brat. But it was true, he was definitely acting out of character. He swallowed the sudden lump forming in his throat and chuckled nervously to make light of the situation.
"Am I? Sorry about that." He made himself comfortable on his couch and sighed at the moment's reprieve. Naruto looked at him wide-eyed, as if he had three heads or something. "Okay, seriously what is going on? You never apologize unless you're late."
He wished he had just a bit more time to relax before they started this conversation. But guess that was asking for too much. He sighed deeply, staring at the ceiling with disdain before nodding and searching Naruto's worried expression. Right. Better get this over with then he can curl under his covers and hide for the rest of his life.
"About what you asked me before. Um...well you see a h-handjob job is w-when...is when" Kakashi's face blistered into a deep scarlet and he buried his face in his hands embarrassed. He mumbled the rest of his explanation into his gloves and Naruto could swear he saw steam rise from his head.
Naruto sat there dumbfounded. He didn't even remember he asked that question in the first place. And the only other time he'd seen his sensei like this was when he was forced to read Makeout Tactics out loud. He had nothing else to go on because Kakashi had effectively muffled the last part. The only part that actually mattered.
"Um can you repeat that, I didn't hear you." Kakashi made a noise of complaint and lifted his head away from his hands diverting his attention towards the very fascinating wall right behind Naruto's shoulder. "I said it's when someone strokes your d-dick." At that moment in time, you could tell Kakashi he was on fire and he'd probably believe you.
Naruto hummed and brought a finger up to his chin in thought. "Oh...so that's all it is. Thanks Kakashi-sensei." He smiled brightly at the silver haired man and Kakashi had to to grab at his chest because he felt like he died a little inside at just how calmly Naruto took that information. Meanwhile he was left to melt into his sofa as Naruto left the room for a bit.
Naruto came back and dropped some books in his lap and Kakashi came to, just to feel a blood vessel precariously on the verge of popping when he recognized the familiar titles in gradually increasing horror. Oh god please no.
"So then Kakashi-sensei...What's a blowjob?" And as innocent as that boy usually was there a glint of mischief lurking in those eyes and Kakashi prayed to god he would survive the night.