Chapter Text
Fuck this.
Looking back, he should have known that agreeing to participate in a high school reunion while being painfully aware of his current status as a NEET, surrounded five idiotic brothers who would have made it harder to hide the truth, was going to be a recipe for disaster he could have avoided if he just refused to go. The burning humiliation hung heavily on his head as the night carried on, every single part of his body shaking with rage, tearful eyes bulging and bloodshot to the extreme.
He was going to explode again if he didn't escape that situation as soon as possible. And in doing that, he definitely wanted to be alone. Ditching his brothers became a habit when he was in a clear cut bad mood; no regrets assailed him once he started drifting from the group. Fortunately, they made it easier for him, because they would rather focus on being miserable about the whole incident than making a roll call. Honestly, he could relate a lot with that feeling of helplessness, but he couldn't stay with them. Knowing them all, they would drown their sorrows in alcohol, and as much as the idea was appealing at the moment, Todomatsu didn't wish for that kind of company.
After his brothers left the bar, he turned on his heels and blended in the crowd, dragging himself towards the public restroom. He could have saved himself the pain and taken a stroll on his own, the night breeze chilling his tears and skin, but it was a decision he made on instinct. The stalls weren't the most hygienic sight, but they looked as though they were decently cleaned on the regular. It was a small enough space for him to lock himself in, cool down, and reflect on the events that had transpired with a calmer mind, determining where exactly everyone's lies fell through.
... That was, until his thoughts drifted towards one specific person.
Atsushi.
His nemesis. The bastard who already had everything Todomatsu could ever wish in life within his grasp. That one loser in high school with mop hair and a dope smile who, somehow, had breached something fierce through the youngest Matsuno's already blackening heart. His old sweet crush, replaced through the years by a rich snotty casanova who kept stealing the scene - including all the girls in the area. He, who had the fucking nerve of insulting the Matsuno brothers at the end of that messy shitshow and spurred the most anger out of Todomatsu. Were he not restrained right on time, he would have pummelled the shithead's handsome face into a bloody pulp.
Todomatsu slammed the lid of the toilet shut and sat down heavily on it, sighing and squeezing his blue suit jacket in his arms. The shaking had gone down, at least. With his rage waned considerably, there was now room for sadness to seep in. He felt stupid for how upset Atsushi's brief insult made him. It shouldn't have worked him up the way it did. His crush had died long ago, once they met for the first time after years and Todomatsu discovered Atsushi became an accomplished man with a slew of fangirls he probably had intimate flings with. To him, Todomatsu must have been an worthless speck in the sea of success he was happily swimming in. Nothing more than that. Therefore his opinion on the matter shouldn't have affected him, because the youngest Matsuno was plenty used to being addressed with even worse names. He even reclaimed the nickname Totty, despite how it was tightly related to one of his most humiliating moments in his life.
And yet... he was rushing savagely at the piece of shit before he could completely register it in his head.
The NEET Village...
Todomatsu growled and stomped his foot on the floor like a petulant child, only five hundred times angrier and more ready to murder someone. There was something about Atsushi's words that struck him so hard it hurt like a hard slap to the face. When another guy used the same insult before, it didn't piss Todomatsu off as badly. It wasn't as though Atsushi was actually that important in his life anymore, so why? It made no sense, and it brought scalding anger back to his system.
He was so stupid, for letting some rich guy make him want to cry.
Bitter tears poured from his eyes and dropped onto his jacket. Having draped it over his lap and clung to it with his hands, Todomatsu found himself squeezing it tight until his knuckles ached. He really was an idiot. Atsushi didn't feel anything for him. Neither did he when they were eighteen years old, nor did he now that their social gap was too wide to fill. Some useless NEET never had a chance with him, he never really would in a million years, so dwelling on it was pointless.
Even if he told himself that, the sobs couldn't be stopped from spewing out of his lips.
He failed to realize he was being loud enough to gain traction, and the soft knock at the stall door rapped so suddenly in his ears he was startled off his sorry state with a terrified gasp. The worst of it came up shortly after, however, in the form of a voice that was awfully familiar. In that moment, Todomatsu wished they were strangers and anxiety didn't instantly crawl up his throat as he heard Atsushi speak in a worried tone that made him sick to his stomach.
“Matsuno-... ah, Todomatsu? Is that you?”
His jaw locked up, and he went stiff as a log. He wanted to scream. Instead what came out was a weak and pathetic whimper. “Go away.”
“Are you okay?” Atsushi pressed on, not budging from his position behind the door. Why wouldn't he listen to him?
Todomatsu seethed, chewing the inside of his cheek. He seized the roll of toilet paper hanging by his side and ripped it off its support, throwing it with all his strength towards the door. It loudly banged on the surface and sadly dropped to the floor, shedding some paper along the way until it bumped to the wall. The only thing he regretted about locking himself up was that he couldn't have the pleasure of seeing Atsushi's face get smacked by toilet paper, with Todomatsu sneering about him being a shitstain that needed wiping. He withdrew in the far back of the stall, now perched on top of the toilet and hugging his legs against his chest, forehead pressed over his joined knees.
“I said... go the fuck away,” he hissed, words made of venom seeping through his teeth.
A moment of silence filled the flimsy barrier between the two. Atsushi sighed. “I'm aware you don't want to see me right now,” he started, and Todomatsu rolled his eyes. No shit. At least he was aware of what he'd done. “But it would be neglectful of me not to check on you after what occurred earlier tonight, and if you'd allow me... I would like to apologize for how I acted.”
What was that? Atsushi apologizing wasn't a novelty, and this one time might as well be a fake excuse to earn easy forgiveness, but... warmth radiated from his voice, even despite being one door away from Todomatsu. Why did it feel as though Atsushi regressed back to his mop-haired, plain kid self from years ago? It wasn't fair, how it made Todomatsu's chest swell with something akin to happiness. He was supposed to have discarded his heart long ago. Holding onto it would get him in the way of climbing up the society ladder; it meant he would be easily hurt and knocked down, the way he had let Atsushi affect him. It burned, and such kindness hurt the youngest Matsuno even worse. If only Atsushi kept viewing him as a worthless NEET and left him alone once and for all...
... It would have cut off the last strings that still linked him to his weak, stupid heart.
Todomatsu gave the door a light kick.
“Keep going,” he muttered, cursing himself for dragging this on longer, but it would validate him to hear how apparently sorry Atsushi was for hurting his feelings. After few seconds in which he guessed the bastard was hesitating, he snarled, “You want to apologize, right? I'm not accepting something half-assed as a few lame words that mean nothing to me! Get on with it!”
“Alright,” Atsushi quickly replied, surprising Todomatsu with how readily he sounded about unrolling a metaphorical scroll and listing every single reason why he was sorry. “I will, but first... can I see you?” He chuckled weakly. “Just standing here in front of a stall looks a bit awkward.”
Todomatsu wanted to say no; he could keep Atsushi there, let him steam in shame as people walked in and got a load of such a suave casanova begging forgiveness in front of a toilet stall. Hell, it might even give the asshole's reputation a bit of a chip if Todomatsu played his cards right. Petty revenge was one effective way to make him feel better at the expense of whoever crossed his nerves.
But... there was a part of him that did want to see Atsushi, in spite of his boiling grudge, and talk to him face to face. It was absolutely stupid, and he should ignore it, but he was aching for that moment like he hadn't seen the other man just half a hour ago. He needed some bit of reassurance that he could see Atsushi one last time before everything would inevitably fall apart and they walked their separate ways.
He chastised himself for the decision, but the door was already unlocked when he glared up at his former crush, his eyes glistening in tears and resentment.
“Come in.”