Chapter Text
It isn’t until age nine that Isa starts to feel out of place. When children have built community, begun building identity, started putting a little less absolute stock into what their parents tell them to do and be. It’s then that he realizes there is more than one way to exist in the world, more than two ways, more than he can even count. Girls his age trade skirts for pants, for shorts, start to look less like little dress-up dolls and more like individuals with their own tastes. Isa, of course, is too afraid of making his parents upset to ask for anything different. He wears the skirts they buy for him, that they tell him look so beautiful on him, and he doesn’t quite have a word for the way his discomfort crawls under his skin.
It’s then that he starts to withdraw. He hangs out with the other children less, looks more towards hobbies that require little or no interaction with people. The stars are what call to him immediately. He starts to research astrology. He’s always been considered a smart kid. He realizes that at its best it’s a pseudoscience, and at worst it’s irresponsible guesswork. That doesn’t change the comfort it gives him to think that maybe there’s a reason people are the way they are, just that simple thought easing a bit of the growing unease within him.
He begins tracking the movement of the stars as best he can, logging where the planets are and what effects they might have on him and his peers. For his next birthday, he asks for a telescope. His parents gift him the best one they can afford, hoping that his interest in astrology will turn into an interest in astronomy and lead him somewhere extraordinary.
It isn’t until age eleven that Isa learns the word “transgender,” and something within him finally clicks into place. The knowledge emboldens him to, finally, ask for some new clothes. He wants pants and jackets, clothes that hide his frame a little better, that help him blend into society the way he wants to a little easier. His parents receive the request favorably and take him shopping, let him revamp his wardrobe. They’re a bit surprised, they admit, that he didn’t ask for this earlier. They’re proud that he’s turning into a more independent young woman. The statement stings in a way that Isa didn’t expect, and before he can stop himself or think about it, he’s asking for a haircut, too. His parents are a little more hesitant with that, but he convinces them: long hair is just so hard to take care of, he says, it’ll save so much time if he gets rid of some of it. They relent, and when Isa next shows up at school, he’s more comfortable in his skin than he’s ever been.
That doesn’t mean anyone else understands. It’s a shocking change, and Isa was never quite an amiable person, so people notice, and they start to talk behind his back. He tries not to pay any attention to it. He always ate lunch alone anyways, didn’t he? It doesn’t bother him when people ignore him because he can simply spend his time scribbling notes about today’s horoscopes into his journals.
There is, oddly enough, one person who notices him and does the exact opposite of everyone else. Instead of ignoring Isa, he begins paying attention to him.
“You’re Isa, right?” The boy says one day, plopping his lunch tray down onto the table right across from him. Isa only looks up because he’s so startled that someone is actually talking to him, and his face starts to feel hot as he hears people begin to whisper nearby. “I’m Lea. Got it memorized? Cuz I’ve decided from now on, you and me? We’re gonna be best buds.”
Isa knows who Lea is. Everyone knows who Lea is because he makes it a point to make a fool of himself wherever he goes. He’s a class clown type, and he even has that stupid catchphrase, and he’s friends with everyone, and Isa despises him from the first moment he opens his mouth. Isa scrunches up his face and looks away, and does nothing else except mutter for Lea to just leave him alone.
Except, no matter how hard Isa tries to convince him to go away, Lea refuses to. It’s like he sees breaking through Isa’s impenetrable walls as a challenge. Lea bothers him every day at lunch, and always asks how he’s doing at recess when he’s sitting in some corner writing nonsense in his journal. The journal has turned into a half-diary, where he jots down horoscopes along with his thoughts on the day, using it to vent about how annoying Lea is and how he just wants to be left alone.
“You know,” Lea says one day at recess, hands resting on the back of his head as he stretches. “You’re kind of a weird girl, doncha think?” And he doesn’t mean it in a mean way. Isa can tell from the lilt of his voice that he’s just trying to get him to talk, but Isa’s hands grip the edges of his journal and he blocks out the rest of whatever Lea was trying to say.
“I’m not,” He says finally, voice barely above a whisper. He’s so frustrated he could cry. Lea thinks about asking him to speak up, but instead, he just leans down, desperate to hear what Isa finally has to say. “I’m not a girl.”
Isa wills himself not to cry, but the tears roll down his cheek regardless, blurring his vision as he stares hard down at his journal while his tight grip dents the pages. There’s a moment of silence, and he expects Lea to finally leave, to realize Isa really is weird and there really is something wrong with him, maybe to start talking behind his back like everyone else.
“Okay, man, I get it.” He says instead, crouching down and trying to hand Isa the scarf that’s usually adorning his neck. Isa hadn’t even noticed him taking it off. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? It’s okay. Here. Boys don’t cry, right?”
That makes Isa start crying harder. He grabs the scarf and buries his face into it only because he feels the desperate need to muffle himself, and Lea stands there awkwardly, but he stays.
Isa doesn’t talk again for the rest of the day. Not to Lea, and not to anyone. But when he returns to school tomorrow, at lunch, he asks when Lea’s birthday is, and if he was born here in Radiant Garden. Lea is absolutely ecstatic that Isa is finally talking to him, and he gives him all the details Isa asks for. Isa tells Lea that he’s a Taurus, explains what that means, explains that Isa himself is a Virgo, and tells Lea what that means, too. He’s an excellent listener, even if he doesn’t quite get it. Still, Isa is talking, and there’s a certain spark of interest in his eyes as he does that Lea becomes incredibly fond of.
In return, Lea teaches Isa about his own interests. Gets him moving at recess, and shows him how to play sports. Things that boys like. Not necessarily things Isa has to like, but as a boy, he should at least know, right? Isa isn’t particularly interested, but he enjoys how energetic Lea is. So he follows along and eventually learns his same enthusiasm.
They find a mutual interest, eventually, when Lea goes ‘watch this’ and sparks a tiny flame to life within his hands. Isa is in awe, staring at it as it moves, and has the same expression on his face even as it flickers out. Lea puffs out his chest, proud and emboldened by Isa’s amazement, and tells him he’s been learning magic in secret. He teaches Isa and isn’t even surprised when Isa catches on more quickly than he did. Isa’s always been smart, the brains of their little operation, and Lea only has to be the courage.
Eventually, Isa decides to open up, after ages of gentle pushing and encouragement from Lea. He’ll tell his parents first, and after that, he’ll hopefully be willing to inform his teachers so they can then refer to him appropriately in front of his classmates. Later he can even try using the boys’ bathroom -- the correct bathroom. The thought of it is just as intimidating as it is exciting. The two of them hatch an entire plan, Lea helping to smooth out Isa’s tendency to worry about every little detail or what could go wrong.
The first step is asking if Isa can have a friend over after school. Lea will be there for moral support when Isa tells his parents. They’re delighted to hear that Isa is making friends, so they arrange for Lea and Isa to have some snacks as soon as they arrive. Isa is happy and embarrassed, but Lea is as cheerful as usual, even chatting up Isa’s parents for a while until Isa asks if he can admit something to them. Of course, they say, you can tell us anything.
Isa does his best to explain, but he knows that they don’t quite understand. They don’t really have to anyways. What matters is that they come around to where he’s sitting, give him a big hug, and tell him they always only want what’s best for him. In a happy change of plans, they tell him they’ll call the school themselves to let his teachers know about his preferences. It’s a huge burden off his shoulders, and he’s pleased with how well things are going. He’s encouraged by it, and he asks if it might be okay if Lea stays the night. Again, they’re a little hesitant, but they’re so happy that Isa’s finally made such a close friend that they allow it.
Lea and Isa stay up all night, talking, playing silly little games, eating the snacks Isa’s mom brings out to them. Once they’re tucked into sleeping bags in the living room, and Isa’s parents have gone to sleep, he rolls over to check if Lea is still awake. He is, and Isa pushes him and prompts him to get up, taking his hand without thinking to lead him out the back door and to the patio. Isa’s telescope is here, set up, always ready for him to use. He points up at the clear sky, telling Lea it’s such a perfect night for stargazing, and teaches him how to use the telescope. They stay up hours past their bedtime, filled with anticipation and glee.
It isn’t until age fifteen that Isa finally begins to feel comfortable in his own skin.