Chapter Text
He was tired of it.
For as long as he's been alive, his appearance and attitude towards the world has always been questioned. He's too childish, too loud, too short, too bright. Nothing is ever right with him, is it? He tries, that's for sure, but is it ever enough? Turns out, it's not. This was the last straw.
"I just can't be with you anymore Hinata, you're too excited for everything and it's starting to get weird... It feels like you want this more than I do, and I don't know how to feel about that. I think it's best that we just stop seeing each other."
"... Okay."
What did he have to do to be good enough. It was always him. Nothing was ever wrong with anyone else, it was always him. Couldn't play volleyball because he wasn't tall enough, couldn't get an A because he wasn't smart enough, and now... can't get a girlfriend because he's isn't calm enough. But that's okay. He was also too busy and too active and too cute, so this was normal. But boy, did it hurt. Like opening a fresh wound, he could feel the insecurities sink deeper and deeper into his heart, pushing him to the edge. He could hear the voices getting louder in his head, whispering those sharp words like they were sweet nothings
"Nothing you ever do is right."
"It's always going to end this way."
"You'll never be good enough."
"There's nothing you can do to ever change yourself."
"You're destined to be this way, and you'll stay this way until you die."
He didn't notice that he was alone until he felt the tear drip down his cheek. He felt his bag drop, hanging on his hand. Somehow he managed to push away these type of emotions, so why did they cut so deep this time? Was he really that desperate for someone to love him that he put his all into that girl? He didn't remember the last time that someone gave him that much attention, almost like he was close to being enough. Of course, that's over now, there's not much he can do now.
And so, he gave in.
Tears flowing freely, he let himself cry. The least he could do for himself. He knew deep down that no matter how much he looked there would never be a solution; he was stuck as himself, and there was no way of getting out of it. So, he sobbed in the hallway, not caring if anyone saw him. He was hurting, and he had every right to be: he just got fucking broken up with. Her soft words and sheepish smiles crumbled in his mind now, knowing that there would be no more of that for a while. She seemed like the one, but alas, life just loves to deprive him of the things he loves the most. It didn't make sense, why did he have to try so hard for the things he couldn't reach? They were too far out of reach, how is it that he always thought that he could finally get it? It seemed hopeless now that he thought of it, but even then, he knew that there would be another rock bottom in the future. He knew he would be broken up with again. Nothing could stop the fate that had sealed his love life in a locked box, sent out to seas to sink further and further into nothingness.
Maybe this was good. Maybe this was the answer to all of his problems. This was the universe saying that he shouldn't even try to have a relationship: maybe that wasn't what he was meant to have!... In that case, wouldn't that mean the same for volleyball? He was never able to play until now. All his life it was something that was never meant for him, like a forbidden fruit that would punish him for even trying to get near it. If he was never meant to play volleyball, then why did he? Was this life punishing him for doing what he shouldn't? But he loved—
"Hey Hinata, are you okay? Why are you on the floor?" Her skirt laid gently on her legs as she leaned down, tilting her head at the boy sitting on the floor. Her bright (e/c) eyes were gleaming with worry, looking teary, almost as though the thought of him being upset made her want to join him. She reached for his hand, cupping it in hers like she would a warm mug: her attention was on him at this moment, nothing else.
"U-Um yeah, I just got something in my eye and—"
"I know you broke up with Saiko," He looked down again, wondering whether she had seen everything unravel and just felt sorry for him. When he looked back up, he was met with her loving smile. Like a gentle caress, he felt warm. It was like her presence brought serenity: a sweet, sweet wonder that made him think there was some hope for him. Maybe you were different, "I heard some of the things she said about you, but I don't think it's true.
"You're a kind, loud, and loving guy, and any girl who doesn't see how good you are is blind. You're a shining boy, and you shouldn't need to change that! I think that anyone who can decide what you lack is just ignoring the fact that no one is perfect. You can't be too energetic or too extreme: you're you, and that's okay."
And suddenly, it was true. His heart leapt in his chest, the feeling of having her so close was mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time. A fire lit up inside him at that moment, bringing prosperity and light that had come back just as quickly as it had left. He knew: she was the one. He would give himself to her, show her every little bit of him because god damnit, she was was too bright to ignore. He knew he was getting into this too quickly, but he didn't care, the thought of having someone so loving and so giving by his side was too good to abandon. Sure, knowing her name would be nice, but that would be an added bonus.
"Come on Hinata, let's go get something from the vending machine," pulling him to his feet, she took his hand in hers and walked him around the building. His heart felt like it was exploding, her simple touch just a reminder that there's hope for him. Was he moving into this fast? Yes. Did he mind it? Absolutely not. What did he have to lose? Her cute smile and encouraging words were all he needed in order to know what he wanted, and nothing was going to change that, "you know, I've always wanted to talk to you, but it always feels like you're too good for me... strange, right?
"It's like you're always one step ahead, and it's hard to keep up with you, but I'd be willing to make that effort." She giggled, sending shivers down his spine as they arrived at the vending machine. He felt dumbfounded: how is it that he could be better than someone? He's the one that feels small right now in your presence, so how could you think you're not good enough?
"People always think less of me because of the way I am, but with you, I think it really is true. You're so good... I couldn't ever compare to you." Her gasp threw him off, suddenly feeling like he had committed arson and was being arrested. She seemed hurt by his words, almost offended at the thought of having put himself down like that. If only she could read his mind, then she'd really be hurt.
"Don't say things like that, you're amazing! Of course there are some things that you're not going to be good at, but you're so great at so many other things! I've always admired the way you're so honest and unapologetic about life, it's like you have no fears or worries that can ever take you down... you're beautiful Hinata, you just can't see it," he felt a tear go down his cheek. He doesn't remember the last time someone except his mom had told him how good he is, and it really touched him to say the least. It filled him up, making him feel like he could take on the world. Like maybe he was good enough, "I want to show you. I want you to feel loved. You deserve to be appreciated, Hinata, and I hope you'll let me be the person who can bring you that happiness."
Well, now his heart really was hammering in his chest.
"B-But what should I do? How am I supposed to act? Is it okay for me to be so greedy? I don't want to ruin this too, it'd just be the nail in the coffin for me—" he felt her lips quickly touch his, a peck that could have lasted a lifetime. A feeling so delicate that it made him think he was made of glass.
"Don't be silly Hinata, you be you and i'll be me."