Chapter Text
I.
It was early morning, the sun wasn’t even close to rising. Then again sunrise wouldn’t happen until nearly eight that day. It was a frigid day, crisp snow on the ground, but that didn’t stop the blonde from his morning run. He kept warm with sweatpants and a thick Nutter University hoodie. No one was out around his apartment, which he preferred. He wished that he could be sitting in his chair and reading a book, but this was his reality. It was the only way to keep the weight off.
Nearly an hour later he was locking his bike to the rack in front of the humanities building. His tan coat was buttoned snugly over his blue tartan scarf. His helmet had mussed his blonde curls. A couple of brunette girls, just his age, approached him, schoolbooks in hand. His tan satchel was full of books as well. After greeting each other they went into the building.
“Did you finish the paper?” one of the girls, whose hair was braided, asked.
“Oh, yes. I completed it last night,” the blonde boy replied, his British accent sharp and proper. “I even had time to do some extra cardio.”
“I mean, I finished. It is due today, but I fell asleep proof-reading it. I almost forgot to go to the library and print it this morning.”
“You slept?” the other girl asked. “Jess, I’m so jealous. I’m running on a triple shot of espresso and two energy drinks.”
“Lauren,” the boy scolded. “I told you to stop waiting until the last moment.” Even his chastisement sounded sweet. Lauren always felt so calm when he spoke. “I know. Why don’t we meet up at my flat tonight to study? I’ll read and then we can discuss.”
“Only if you make lemon squares,” Jess joked.
“You two really are out to break my diet.” They took their seats in the lecture hall. “I will make healthy snacks, though.”
At the same moment, or nearly the same moment, a handful of students sat around a lab table, filling out the needed paperwork for the assignment. The four spoke casually, only half concentrating on it. There was only one girl in the whole group and over the past semester she’d merged well into their friendship circle. She kept her hair short and didn’t shy away from her punk goth look.
“So,” she said, changing subjects. “My roommate told me ‘bout a friend a ‘ers last night. Says she’s worried about ‘im and I don’t know what to tell ‘er.”
“What’s the problem?” the blonde guy asked. His hair was messy and spiked at the top with green highlights. He had large black-brown eyes that pointed directly at you when he spoke.
“Well, she thinks he might ‘ave an eating disorder or summin’.”
“Oi, that ain’t good.”
“Guys can get those?” the second guy said. He had dark brown skin and shocking green eyes.
“Why not? So, why she sayin’ that?”
The girl shrugged. “He works out a lot, apparently, and won’t eat much of anythin’ with high calories. She said she didn’t know ‘ow to bring it up, but that she’s real worried.”
The thin red-headed guy looked up from the classwork and adjusted his round glasses. “She likes this guy a lot, huh?”
“Dunno. I think.”
He brushed his long waves behind an ear. “Then she needs to sit down and be honest with him. If he really has an issue then he can get help, and if he doesn’t then she can relax and just ask him out on a date or something,”
She nodded. “Guys, if you don’t ‘ave class, can you come to lunch with me? I’m meetin’ ‘er and one of ‘er other friends. I think another perspective might have more meanin’. ‘Specially if it comes from an actual guy.”
That afternoon the group sat together in the cafeteria. Soon, two brunette girls joined them, one with her hair in braided pigtails.
“Hey Danny, you brought your lab group?”
“Yeah. I thought they might be able to ‘elp with the Azra situation.”
“Jessica?” the other brunette asked.
“Sit down, Lauren. I’ll tell you all about it after Danielle does some introductions.”
Danielle, the punk girl, scratched her short hair. “Jess, these are my friends Tony,” she referred to the lanky ginger, “Hans,” the blonde, “and Liam.”
“Nice to meet you,” Jessica said. “And, are you actually here to help?”
“I am,” Tony said, his Scottish lilt sneaking out. The others just looked on. “I don’t want your boyfriend to get sick.”
Jessica blushed. “He’s not my boyfriend…!”
He looked doubtful. “You want him to be, don’t you?”
“Th-That doesn’t matter…! What matters is his health!”
“I’m sorry. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, I don’t know if it counts as an eating disorder or not, which almost worries me more. He exercises multiple times a day, and anytime he has more than half an hour to spare. If it isn’t healthy food he almost seems scared to eat it. When he does he gorges a bit and then looks like he’s going to cry. He’s super fit and thin, but mentions his weight and diet a lot. He’s not happy and it’s super obvious.”
Tony thought for a moment. “I told Danny this earlier today. You need to sit him down and talk to him like you just did to me. It’ll be easier to decide what to do once everyone is on the same page. And you like him, right, so ask him out on a date while you’re at it.”
“He’ll say no,” Lauren said bluntly. Jess nodded in agreement.
“Why do you say that?”
“We… aren’t positive… but…”
“Oh. He’s gay.” Both girls blushed to their ears. “And in the closet. Got it.”
Liam and Hans chuckled. “A fairy, eh?” Liam said.
“Shut it!” Tony barked and they slumped back in their chairs. Tony wrote something on the corner of a sheet of paper and ripped it out, handing it to Jessica. “Here’s my number. I wanna know what happens.”
That night Emily and Jessica went to their friend’s flat to study, like they’d planned. When he answered the door he was shirtless, a towel over his shoulders. His hair was still dripping. He was a specimen. All that working out was doing some good. They didn’t understand how he called himself fat.
As promised there were healthy snacks out on the coffee table, and he had some classical music playing on the stereo. There were water bottles on the floor beneath the coffee table as well. His textbook was already opened to the title page of their new assignment, The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad.
“Go ahead and make yourselves at home,” he said sweetly. “I just need to finish getting dressed.”
They positioned themselves on the cushy futon. Lauren put a large decorative pillow in her lap and Jessica pulled a fuzzy blanket over her shoulders. She opened up her book-bag and saw it. Danielle must have put it in here when she wasn’t looking: a big bag of assorted mini chocolate bars. She pulled them out and she and Lauren shared a thought, an idea. She plopped them down right in the middle of the coffee table, between the carrots and air-popped popcorn. It’d happened almost the very instant he re-entered the room. He stopped and stared, a look of sad longing in his eyes.
“Sorry,” He chewed his lip, forcing himself to look away from the chocolate. “Can you put those away?” He stole another glance. “Please?”
“Oh. Sorry,” Jess said. Now she felt awful. “I didn’t think it would matter.” She hid them back in her bag.
“Don’t be. I just… I don’t want to be tempted.”
“Actually, I wanted to ask about that.” It was now or never, she guessed.
He sat on the rug across from them. “My diet? What about it?”
“Azra...” she sighed, nervous. She didn’t want to upset him.
“We’re worried about you,” Lauren finally said. “This diet is really extreme and we think you exercise to much.”
“You don’t look happy, even when you fake it.”
He looked to his lap and wrung his hands. “It’s very healthy.”
“Azra.”
“Alright,” he sighed. “You met me second semester, so you don’t know, but I used to be fat. My mother called me portly, but I knew better. I was the fat kid my whole life. I was sick of it, so after Sixth Form, when I was eighteen, I decided I didn’t want that anymore. It took eight months before I reached my goal. Nothing is wrong with slimming. I have to be strict. You see what happens when I’m not. Whenever I cheat it feels like I have to work twice as hard to get the fat off. I just want to look good for once in my life. I want to have confidence in the way I look. I want to date. I want to feel and look like other twenty-year-old blokes. I’m tired and I’m bored, but I’m finally happy with how I look. I’ve reached my goals and now I have to maintain them.
“I have a hard time resisting the temptation of food and sweets, so I keep them as far away as I can. I don’t want my life to end up like a chaotic bacchanalia.”
“Jesus, Azra, it won’t,” Jessica said. “And I had no idea you felt that way. We thought you had an eating disorder.”
“I just have a bad relationship with food.”
“We can help you. When was the last time you had a date? We can start from--”
“I’ve never had a date, never even been kissed. Not for a dare or spin-the-bottle even. I mean, why would anyone want to?” His blue eyes glossed over with tears that didn’t dare fall.
“I do,” she admitted. He looked confused now, and possibly worried. “Is there anyone that you want to kiss?” She tried not to let that expression bother her, the one of panic that didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
“Not at the moment. If the time comes, though, I want them to want to kiss me too. Looking my best will help.”
“So, you’re just depressed?”
“I wouldn’t use the word ‘just’, but no. I have very low self-esteem. That’s what my therapist said. She thinks this diet is helping me feel better about myself.”
“I know you won’t believe us,” Lauren said, “But you’re hot. We both think so, and I think you need to hear that, even if you’re not interested in us. Friends opinions should count for something.”
“Oh my, thank you very much.” His nose turned a rosier shade of pink. “But could we start work? Dr. Wayne is definitely going to give a pop quiz tomorrow. He always does.”
Anthony’s mobile rang late that night, which he wasn’t expecting. The caller I.D. didn’t know who it was, but he answered it anyways. He knew a lot of people that he still needed to put into his address book. Jessica, the girl from this afternoon, was on the other end.
“Hey, Jess. How’d it go?”
“Good news and bad news.”
“Hit me.”
“He doesn’t have an eating disorder, according to the shrink he sees for his low self-esteem.”
“Is he plain or something? He can’t be worse looking than Hans.”
“He’s really cute, actually. Remind me to show you a picture next time I see you. I don’t have multimedia messaging.”
“I have a better idea. You collect all of your mutual friends and all of his friends, and I’ll collect my friends, and we’ll go to the bowling alley for a night out.”
“That sounds really fun. I don’t know if Azra will say yes though. He likes to spend time alone.”
“Plan for Friday night. Let’s do it.”
“Okay. Let’s do it.”