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Dean and Sam both looked up as Castiel appeared in between them in the library of the Bunker. "Hey, Cas."
Dean then noticed that Castiel held something in his arms. A black furred cat with bright golden eyes. Dean sighed. "Cas, we spoke about this. You can't go around picking up strays." He sighed as Castiel put the cat down on the table. "No animals on the table."
Sam reached over and gave the cat a scratch behind the ear. "Well, that excludes you then, Dean."
The cat looked offended and his back arched. "Excuse me. I am not a stray," he said in a surprisingly deep British accented voice. He looked at Sam, who paused in his stroking. "Did I ask you to stop?"
Dean looked stunned. "The cat talks." he grabbed a bottle of holy water and poured it on the cat's back.
The cat hissed at Dean and shook himself in disgust. "I don't need a shower, thank you, Toots. I thought I had escaped that when I left Earth." He licked himself, causing his fur to stick at all angles. "Well how else are you humans supposed to know what we want? Of course we talk. It's just whether we choose to or not."
"Cas, we don't go around picking up random cats. They might have owners. Even speaking cats might have owners."
"Max is no ordinary cat. He's currently on probation from Heaven."
"What did he do?" Sam questioned as he smoothed Max's fur down.
Max looked innocent. "Nothing much. It was a bum rap."
"Max," Castiel paused, "he upset the other Angels by running rampant around the barracks and just causing chaos in Heaven. Not what I would call a 'bum rap' as you put it."
"The Angels are just stick in the muds. I thought I'd make Heaven a bit more exciting."
Castiel shook his head. "You escaped your Heaven and rampaged through all the heavens. Shall I list all of your crimes?"
"I wanted a bit of excitement. Heaven is SO boring. Or it was, until I came." Max looked at Castiel with wide eyes. "They weren't crimes as such. Just a bit of mischief... And now, I'm stuck with a babysitter."
"Shouldn't he be put in Hell if he was that bad?"
"The demons don't want him. They sent him up to Heaven."
"What?"
Max gave a catly grin. "Let's put it this way, I make Goose the Flerkin look like a normal housecat." He paused to have another lick. "I made the demons my bitches. Crowley didn't like the competition so he sent me to Heaven." He licked his paw. "There was an error in the afterlife paperwork so I ended up in Hell first. I was within a whisker of running Hell before the paperwork was sorted and I was sent up to Heaven. Or that's the official story. I still say that Crowley didn't want the competition."
"Is he a demon or not?" Dean asked.
"Max is not a demon. He is not evil. Mischievous, yes. But not evil."
"If I was evil then God would've zapped me into dust instead of sending me down here with the Enforcer." Max drawled as he flopped down on the table. "He called me into the throne room and everything. Told me that some 'delicate' Angels had their feathers ruffled because of little me and then he Judge Judy'd me to probation down here. Between you and me, I think he found the whole thing amusing but he had to be shown to do something."
"So, he's an angel then? Is he possessing a cat?" Sam asked as he looked Max over as if the angelic proof would be visible to the naked eye.
"This is my own body. In the fur. Stop looking at me like that. I'm not going to suddenly sprout wings and fly around the light like a giant furry moth. I guess you could say that I'm back in black and loud and proud." Max paused. "And have you got any grub? I'm hungry and Angel food just doesn't cut it."
"Grub?" Dean asked. "I'm not going to dig around in the dirt looking for worms or whatever cats, or Angels eat." Dean yelped as Max cuffed him around the head with a black paw. "Hit me again, furball, and I will shoot you."
"Food, you daft human. Castiel, why did you have to be involved with Americans?"