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“Is that a spot?” Ciel frowned at his fork.
Sebastian frowned and leaned in, examining the cutlery as well. “I don’t see anything, my lord,” he said pleasantly after a moment’s perusal.
“Well, I do.” Ciel slapped the fork straight into Sebastian’s chest. “Honestly, what kind of butler can’t even keep the silver in proper order?”
Sebastian gritted his teeth and forced out a smile. “My deepest apologies. It won’t happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t,” Ciel huffed, although there was wicked amusement in his eyes.
So that was how it was to be.
“As you wish,” Sebastian bowed. As a butler, it was his duty to accept any fault – even an unjust one – that was thrust upon him. As a demon, it was clearly time to play with his food once more.
***
“My lord,” Sebastian stepped into Ciel’s office the next day, “your fiancée is here.”
Ciel’s visible eye widened. “Lizzie? Here? Now? With no warning? But how—”
Ciel didn’t have time to finish because at that moment he was bounded upon by a mass of taffeta and lace. “Ciel, Ciel!” Lizzie cooed and inadvertently strangled Ciel within an inch of his life. “Don’t worry! I’m here to help!”
“Help?” Ciel managed to croak out.
“Sebastian told me how you’ve been so sad lately. But look! I brought costumes and ruffles! We’re going to have a costume tea-party, and then I’ll show you my newest toy bunnies. They’re so cute!”
Ciel gaped.
“Here you go!” Lizzie dropped a top hat covered with flowers, ribbons, and butterflies atop Ciel’s head and preened. “You look sooooo cute!”
Ciel cringed but was soon strangled again and dragged bodily to where Lizzie had set up their tea party.
“I’ll leave you two to enjoy your afternoon together,” Sebastian smirked and closed the door behind them.
Ciel’s eyes narrowed. This was war.
***
“H-How could you?” The door to the butler’s pantry burst open amidst dramatic sobs. “You, of all people, who should know how precious your master’s charge truly is?”
Sebastian barely had time to look up before there was a righteous fist closing in squarely on his face. Only lightning-quick reflexes allowed him to dodge the blow at the last second.
Behind him, the cabinet splintered to pieces under the power of that fist.
“Ah, Agni,” Sebastian said calmly. “Why aren’t you at the townhouse in London?”
“It’s just too cruel!” Agni wailed and aimed a dozen attacks, faster than the human eye could see, all at Sebastian’s head. “How can you abandon your sacred duty like this?”
Sebastian ducked out the way, and the table was destroyed in his stead. Agni lunged after him again, fist raised for his strike.
“A butler’s greatest pleasure should be to tend to his master’s every need with joy in his heart!” Agni destroyed the good china. And the back-up china.
“And what need, exactly, am I not attending to?” Sebastian asked suspiciously.
Agni, apparently worn out from his vicious and deadly attack upon Sebastian’s life, burst out into tears right in the middle of the pantry. “H-How can you e-even…?” he moaned.
Sebastian’s eyes flicked to the pantry door, which had just opened again.
“Still alive in here?” Ciel asked, looking far too smug to be innocent in this matter.
“Everything’s perfectly in hand, young master,” Sebastian agreed.
Agni sobbed more. “I’m so, so sorry, Ciel!” He blew his nose loudly on part of the torn remains of the tablecloth.
“Is there something I need to attend to?” Sebastian asked tightly.
“Eh.” Ciel shrugged. “I just called Agni in London to tell him that I wanted cake, but you were busy.”
Agni’s sobs increased tenfold.
Sebastian’s eye twitched. “I’ll take care of it immediately.”
Agni’s sniffles lessened, and he looked up at Sebastian with hopeful eyes. “I knew you wouldn’t abandon your master so callously!” And then he clasped Sebastian in his arms and started sobbing even harder.
“Whenever you have time to make that cake for me,” Ciel said in the falsest-sounding long-suffering voice Sebastian had ever heard.
Agni clutched Sebastian tighter and covered Sebastian’s coat with his sopping woes.
Ciel actually smirked and abandoned Sebastian to an afternoon’s work of calming Agni down.
***
“What’s on the agenda for today?” Ciel asked Sebastian as Sebastian dressed him the next morning.
“This afternoon, you’ll need to approve this quarter’s finance reports. Then, dancing and French lessons until evening,” Sebastian answered.
Ciel noticed the very suspicious omission. “And this morning?”
“One of the Queen’s retinue requested breakfast to discuss a business matter,” Sebastian smiled wickedly. “I took the liberty of accepting the kind offer on your behalf.”
Ciel got a sinking feeling in his chest that only grew as Sebastian refused to say anything more on the carriage ride.
“You wouldn’t,” Ciel insisted.
Sebastian beamed happily.
“You couldn’t.” The carriage pulled to a halt in front of a palatial estate, and the doors opened to reveal Ciel’s morning appointment.
“Hello, my little cock robin!” the Viscount of Druitt all but flounced up to them and pressed his lips to the back of Ciel’s hand. “The innocence of your youth grows sweeter every day!” His eyes ran up and down Ciel’s body, and he leered.
Ciel glared at Sebastian. “You did.” He should never have doubted Sebastian’s capacity for cold-blooded treachery.
“I’ll send the carriage around at noon to pick you up,” Sebastian said sadistically. “Enjoy yourself.” And then he was off.
“The heavens weep at our beauty together!” the Viscount of Druitt said with a melodramatic flourish of one hand. The other hand crept up the inside of Ciel’s thigh. “Oh, that such beauty should coexist in such an imperfect world!”
Ciel took the farthest seat from the Viscount that he could. The Viscount inched slowly from his own seat in Ciel’s direction. Ciel inched the other way.
“Breakfast is served.” The Viscount licked his lips.
It was a very, very long wait until noon.
***
“Will there be anything else this evening, young master?” Sebastian asked as he cleared away the dishes.
“Have you made preparations for our guests tomorrow?” Ciel wiped his lips one final time with his napkin before letting Sebastian take it away.
“Everything is in order,” Sebastian agreed. “These are the black-magic smugglers?”
“Hmm.”
“And they’re to be dealt with in the usual way?” Sebastian’s smile was downright diabolical.
“That’s all, then,” Ciel said.
Sebastian turned to leave.
“Wait,” Ciel said at the last moment.
Sebastian froze.
“There’s one matter I may have forgotten to mention.”
Sebastian turned slowly, warily.
“A reaper was sent to deal with the fall-out tomorrow.”
Sebastian held his breath and squeezed his eyes shut tight.
“You know how hard it is to find lodgings in the area.”
Sebastian debated prayer, which was just silly for a demon, really.
“So, in the interest of maintaining a favorable alliance with the reapers, I offered my services in the matter.”
The doorbell rang.
Ciel grinned. “That’ll be him now. I know you haven’t had time to prepare any additional guest rooms, but I promise to look the other way if you want to squeeze him into your quarters tonight.”
If Sebastian could have paled, he would’ve.
The door burst open. Maylene must have let in their guest.
“Sebbie!” Grell actually squeed. Instantly, Sebastian was beset upon by what felt like an overly-amorous octopus. “This day was destined between us! Neither death nor the eternal war between our two kinds can quell such passion! Take me in your arms, my Romeo! Your Juliet awaits!”
Ciel was particularly satisfied to note that, despite Sebastian’s desperate squirming, Grell’s hand had already reached an even more comprising position than the Viscount’s had managed to achieve on Ciel the entire day before.
“That will be all, then, Sebastian,” Ciel announced maliciously.
***
Two days later, Lau sat across from Ciel in Ciel’s office with a problem on his hands.
“This new drug certainly has supernatural powers,” Lau said with a smile, “so I felt sure you’d be interested. It’s being dealt primarily out of a—”
“He should go undercover in drag,” Ciel and Sebastian both said simultaneously, pointing to each other.
Lau paused, then tilted his head to one side, looking confused. “I would think that would draw more attention in a Turkish bathhouse,” he finally said, amused.
Ciel and Sebastian glared at each other and tried again, “He should go undercover not in drag.”
Lau smiled beatifically. “Sounds like fun.”
Lau’s version of “fun” in the end involved Sebastian being whipped across the back by a pair of sadists and Ciel giving a nude massage to the most disturbing old man he’d ever met. But both took glee in the fact that, no matter what they were suffering, the other was suffering even more.
Lau just delighted in the fact that Ciel and Sebastian had both so enjoyed eliminating Lau’s competition.
***
“So, my lord,” Sebastian said the day after they’d finally busted the supernatural drug ring, “what shall we do with ourselves today?”
Ciel grinned.
Sebastian grinned back.
Each of them was confident that this time they’d found a form of humiliation so great that the other could never top it.
And then Snake came in to announce that the mail had arrived. Atop the pile was the envelope bearing the Queen’s seal.
“Hmm.” Ciel opened it. “It seems that Her Majesty has a case for us.” He almost sounded disappointed that their next round would have to be postponed.
“Of course, my lord.” Sebastian instantly composed himself from the brief look of disappointment he suffered as well.
“The Queen’s business always comes first.”
“Of course, my lord.”
“Ready the carriage. We return to London immediately.”
“Of course, my lord.”
“And Sebastian…”
“Yes, my lord?”
“Is that a spot on your shirt?” Ciel said mischievously.
Sebastian looked down, but of course there wasn’t a spot in sight. “I believe it is, my lord,” he said between gritted teeth.
They both smiled pleasantly at each other. Because this was a war that would never end.