Archive of Our Own

Merlin couldn’t recall a single time in his whole soon to be eighteen years that he had felt this nervous. He stood in front of the full length mirror that adorned the back of Elena’s bedroom door and the person staring back at him was definitely some other person, because the person looking back at him was someone – if Merlin hadn’t known it was himself – he would have said was attractive. It was a person he barely recognised as Merlin Emrys, almost university student and wannabe novelist.

With measured slowness he turned round and admired his backside – in these new jeans, he almost looked as though he had an arse – he gave it a little wiggle for effect before forcing his gaze upward where his attention lingered on the tight t-shirt Elena had picked out for him. He would only have to lift an arm and a band of pale flesh and a hipbone would be on display for the world to admire.

His first thought was, ‘Fucking hell, I’m a twink.’ His second was, ‘Oh god, I’m really going to do this.’

"Elena, tell me again why you didn’t force me to do this years ago?" he asked, amazed at how she’d transformed him out of his usual scruffy jeans and Converse into this.

"If you had let me, Merlin, I would have done this long ago." Elena stepped into his space and straightened the hem of the t-shirt even though it clearly needed no further adjustment, and leant up to kiss his cheek before stepping back and appraising him from head to toe again. "You look bloody gorgeous. Are you sure you’re completely gay, not bi-"

Merlin laughed and pulled her into a hug. Elena asked that a lot, even though after a lifetime of being his best friend, she knew better than anyone where his preferences lay. Sometimes he wished he was bi, because Elena was an amazing girl and Merlin was not so gay he couldn’t appreciate that she had a fantastic pair of tits, but no matter how much he wished it, the sight of said tits didn’t so much as cause a twitch in his cock. Merlin was definitely, one-hundred per cent gay as a maypole, and happy to be so.

"Elena, if I ever felt anything for any girl, it would be you and you know I mean that." They had had the conversation before, back when Elena had asked Merlin to be her first at the tender age of fifteen because she wanted it to be with someone she felt comfortable with without any pressure. Hence, Merlin’s first sexual experience had been a heterosexual one, though he had made Elena wait until they were sixteen and legal; and since then, their friendship had grown even closer after the compulsory five minutes of weirdness.

"Gee thanks, Merlin," Elena said, snorting and thumping him on the arm as she did when she was excited. "I live to be your beard."

"Yeah, well, you’re a self-appointed beard for school purposes only." He nudged her back affectionately. "So you think I’ll fit in? I don’t want to look like a newbie – God, what if they can tell? I’ll stand out like a sore thumb. I want it to look like I do this all the time."

"I wish you’d let me come with you." Elena's expression turned serious.

Merlin sighed and almost caved in. He really didn’t want to go on his own, yet if Elena came with him, he would be worried about her all night and he wouldn’t get what he wanted. This was uncharted territory and if he was honest with himself, he felt scared shitless. Yet, what were the alternatives? The fact that he could move things with his mind and make it rain on a sunny day already made him feel different enough from the kids at school. They already thought he was weird because of that time Valiant Savage tried to beat him up in the cafeteria queue - all of the lights flickered and Valiant’s hair stood on end as though he had his hand in the socket rather than on Merlin. The brainless moron still had it in for Merlin, getting digs and taunts in wherever he could, but Merlin enjoyed the look of fear that sat behind Valiant's eyes and the way he avoiding getting near him.

If they knew for sure he was gay, then his life would be even more complicated than it was already, and Merlin preferred to just turn up at school and leave as soon as possible. His motto was ‘do not engage’.

If anyone else at South Albion High School was even as much as bi-curious, they were keeping it very much in the closet, and Merlin was seventeen, about to turn eighteen and he wanted to know, wanted to try – he wanted his first time, his first gay time at least, sooner rather than later. He was fed up of wanking to porn on the internet and getting a hard-on in P.E when he watched the extremely fit but utter dick-head Tom Jamieson in the changing room. That interest needed a more appropriate outlet.

"Elena, if I get what I want tonight then I’m not coming home. I can’t leave you on your own in the middle of Avalon Street."

"You’ll be on your own."

"Yes, but hopefully not for long. I need to do this, you know I do, and I know tonight is the right night." Merlin wished he felt as confident as he sounded. He could stand up to a bully and leave him cowering in his shoes, but the thought of doing what he planned to do tonight filled him with a sense of dread.

And inevitability; his magic was crackling with anticipation; it knew something significant was afoot.

"Alright – I'll trust you and your spidey sense - but keep your phone on, and ring me if you need picking up at any time. Even in the middle of the night. I won’t mind."

"I don’t deserve you," Merlin grinned and hugged her.

"Don’t be fooled," Elena said with a waggle of eyebrows as she pulled back. "I want the full details tomorrow. It may have escaped your notice, but I’m not getting any at the moment either. I fully intend to live vicariously through you."

"I’m going home!" Arthur shouted over the heavy bass of whatever the music du-jour was that sent pounding vibrations through his bones and was annoying the hell out of him. When the music started to grate on his nerves, he knew it was not worth hanging around any longer; it was time for him to leave.

"Oh come on, Arthur," Leon complained, hands on hips, a gesture that was just a little too camp for his tall muscular physique. "It’s not even midnight." Gwaine and Lance, flanking either side of Arthur, rolled their eyes.

"No, it’s as flat as tarmac in here tonight," Arthur said, by which he meant he’d just received a very lacklustre blowjob in the backroom which had done nothing whatsoever to ease his irritable mood of the last few days. For once, going home was the more appealing option. He treated Leon to his killer smile and waited for his best friend’s peeved expression at Arthur’s decision to leave to turn into the resigned pout he normally reserved for Arthur.

Leon was his best mate. He looked up to Arthur; they were as close as brothers – in fact Arthur half suspected that Leon was his brother, but Uther had denied that alleged affair with Leon’s mother. He and Leon had always agreed that they didn’t need to share blood to be best friends. Leon liked to be the centre of Arthur’s attention and they had been inseparable since they were both in the cradle. He was Arthur's family – well, Leon and his mother Alice. His ‘official’ half-sister, Morgana, wasn’t an easy person to love and his father, well, there was no point saying ‘Uther Pendragon’ and ‘family’ in the same sentence.

Alice had been the only mother he’d ever known, his own mother having already separated from Uther before dying in childbirth. So when Uther had been too busy for Arthur – which had been most of the time – he had been at Leon’s house. Alice was the only person alive who could shame Arthur with a single glance. He adored the woman and when she had met Gaius and married him when Arthur and Leon were seven, Arthur had gained a father figure actually worthy of his affections.

Leon pouted as Arthur had predicted, and Lance grabbed his arm and said, "We are capable of having fun without his lord and master, Leon." Lance glared at Arthur. "We’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

Arthur nodded. Lance had Arthur’s number and put up with absolutely no shit from him. Arthur wouldn’t admit it, but he liked that. Arthur was the king of Camelot, the one everyone wanted to fuck, and he knew that literally did mean everyone – apart from his friends here before him – they knew him too well. Lance was spectacularly easy on the eye, and a self-confessed 'power bottom' - and so not Arthur’s type.

Arthur’s friends joked that a cock and a pulse were his only pre-requisites, that there was no such thing as Arthur's 'type', but he didn’t agree; he was actually quite particular.

Lance did not approve of the hold he perceived Arthur had over Leon, and said so frequently, but he didn’t understand, not really. Arthur tended to ignore him when he started; how was it his fault that Leon was so protective of him? Leon stood up for Arthur when Lance had a go at him which annoyed the hell out of Lance and amused Arthur. Gwaine usually just watched, always the laid back one of their group, storing up information for later to mock Arthur with.

They were an odd group - and that was when Gwen and Morgana weren’t present, which was more often than not since Gwen had the baby – but despite the petty squabbles and the occasional awkward presence of his prickly half-sister - their friendships worked.

"We’ll come outside with you, get some fresh air," Leon said amicably, following Arthur to the exit and ignoring Lance’s protestations. Arthur ignored them all. He wanted to be gone. The heat and the noise were driving him towards his quiet flat and his cool empty bed. Sometimes even Arthur Pendragon had to have some quiet time.

The air outside was a slap in the face, despite it only being April.

"Are you sure you won’t reconsider-" Leon began, but Arthur wasn’t listening anymore. His attention was caught by the approach of a pale slender boy as he crossed the road and bloody glided in their direction.

Arthur’s world started spinning and it was as though time had halted and everything had zeroed down to just this moment; him and this young man who was all curling dark hair, cheekbones and limbs; whose vulnerability was beating off him in waves.

He was beautiful, and that was not normally how Arthur would ever describe a man, but in this case there could be no other adjective. Arthur had to have him. All thoughts he'd been entertaining of going home to his quiet empty flat evaporated. Like no one ever before, he wanted this boy, instantly.

As the boy stopped nearby, oblivious to Arthur's scrutiny, and leaned back against a lamppost with one foot propped up behind him, his eyes glanced nervously around at the milling crowd of people that always populated Avalon Street at that time of night. The bass of the club, the sound of people and traffic faded away to a distant buzz and all Arthur could hear was his own heartbeat thumping in his ears.

Oh fuck.

This was the single most nerve-wracking experience of his life and Merlin was starting to wish he’d brought Elena after all. Everywhere he looked there were people, a heaving mass of mostly men, spilling out of the clubs, queuing to get in to the clubs, groups of friends chatting and laughing on the pavement, leaning against the walls of the various establishments that lined the notorious Avalon Street. Everyone was in groups; he was the only person wandering around on his own and it was scary.

He’d been stopped four times already, groping arms reaching out to halt him on his path to an unknown destination. Hungry eyes had run the length of his skinny body, invitations spilling off their lips, eyebrows rising in suggestion. This was what Merlin was here for, but those men, so much older than him and leering - he didn’t want that – want them.

He wanted his first time to be more than a drunken fumble with some leather clad thirty-something who looked like they had just stepped out of a Village People look-a-like competition. Besides, the leather look – so not good; he was looking for someone, the someone, and when he found him, he would know.

So he’d slipped past the grabbing hands and kept on walking. He didn’t know where he was going, or which club was best to try, and when he stopped someone to ask them they had taken that as an invitation and suggested somewhere called ‘Caged’. Merlin had a feeling that was not the place for him.

That was when he saw the sign, ‘Camelot’ and he knew that was where he should head for. That was where he would be. Where else could be more perfect for someone named Merlin to meet someone than a club named ‘Camelot’? That said, when he crossed the road, Camelot in his sights, his stomach started to churn with nerves; he was really going to do this, he was going to go into that club and offer out his ‘virginity’.

Alright, Merlin wasn’t wearing a t-shirt saying ‘get your virgin arse here’ but he felt as though it was obvious to everyone he had encountered tonight. His inexperience hung around his neck like a lead weight. He wanted it gone. He needed it gone.

When he reached Camelot, he took a moment to mentally prepare himself for going inside, leaning back against a nearby lamppost to take in a few nervous breaths. He could do this, he could. He just needed five minutes to pluck up the courage to join the queue.

When the back of this neck prickled, Merlin sensed someone was staring at him. Lifting his head slightly he saw a man watching him intently. Blond, with broad shoulders and blue eyes that were fixed unblinkingly on Merlin. There was an effortless arrogance beating off him; total confidence in his own appeal, and Merlin vaguely supposed he couldn’t blame him – the guy was fucking hot. Merlin felt frozen, caught in the tractor beam of the man’s gaze. Oh god. This was him, this was the one.

Merlin didn’t know how he was so certain, but something inside him clicked and the certainty that had made him pick this night to do this made perfect sense. He could not look have looked away if a meteor had crashed to earth between them.

Blondie licked his lips and crooked a finger at Merlin. Merlin wanted to step forward, run his hand along that stubbly jaw and lean in to kiss him, but he was stuck to the spot, weak with nerves.

Without taking his eyes off his target, Merlin felt his heartbeat pick up speed as the man walked forward, only stopping when he was toe to toe with Merlin. Merlin swallowed nervously and licked his lips.

"Hello," said the man. "What’s your name?" The intense blue eyes didn’t waver in their focus on Merlin.

"Merlin." It came out as croak and Merlin desperately hoped he wasn’t blowing this completely. He didn’t think he could back away now and go to find someone else. Anyone else, from this moment forward, would be a poor second place.

"Merlin?" He tipped his back and a rich deep laugh spilled from his throat.

Merlin’s heart sank. "Something wrong with my name?" he challenged, suddenly less nervous and more annoyed.

"Not at all." A tanned hand lifted to run a thumb over Merlin’s lips. The sensation went straight to Merlin’s cock and he struggled not to react. "I’m Arthur."

Oh. Arthur replaced his thumb with his lips and Merlin knew that he need look no further, Arthur was going to be the one; his first. His magic tingled and Merlin’s thoughts moved from first to only in a heartbeat.

It was a brief intense kiss, over before it started as Arthur stepped back and said, "So, Merlin, would you like to come home with me?"

Merlin’s ‘yes’ was on the tip of his tongue when the bubble burst and a voice said, "Come on, Arthur – what – you’re cradle snatching now?"

Both Arthur and Merlin turned towards the voice, Arthur’s expression was annoyed and Merlin suspected his own was similar.

"I’m nineteen," Merlin lied, glaring at the bloke who had interrupted. Tiny white lie – couldn’t hurt right? It wasn’t like Merlin was actually really underage. He was a year over the age of consent, and about to turn eighteen, which was what mattered.

Arthur’s arm curled around him and Merlin shot the dark-haired interloper a triumphant look. The man was obviously a friend of Arthur’s, but Merlin was the one who had Arthur’s arm around him. He felt bolstered by the warmth and the anticipation.

"You hear that, Lance?" Arthur said. "Merlin here is nineteen and perfectly able to make the decision to come with me all by himself."

The two guys flanking Lance’s sides sniggered. "Face it, Lance," said the darker haired one. "What Arthur wants, Arthur gets."

Something curled in Merlin’s belly and he unconsciously inched closer to Arthur. He wanted to get out here before he had the chance to change his mind.

Arthur hadn’t anticipated a fuck this much since his teens. It was disconcerting and utterly fascinating. The boy, Merlin, had fidgeted nervously in the cab back to Arthur’s apartment until Arthur had pushed him back into the leather and fucked his mouth with his tongue, loving the boy’s tentative yet eager response. Now Arthur had him inside his flat and he hovered by the door uncertainly, as if being invited back to Arthur’s place wasn’t enough of a green light to move further than the doorway. All of his other conquests had been at least half-naked by this point.

"What are you waiting for?" Arthur crossed his arms to lift the hem of his t-shirt and yank it over his head, before tossing it to the floor. His hands moved to his belt buckle and he stepped out of his jeans and boxers in one practiced movement. Cocking his head he threw a challenging glance at Merlin who had stepped out of the doorway and was now hovering near the sofa, his wide blue eyes travelling the length of Arthur’s body hungrily.

Arthur knew he was in good shape. Daily trips to the gym made sure of that. His cock, long and thick, stood proudly against his stomach, almost hurting with the need to plunge it inside this boy before him and fuck him into the mattress, not just once, but all night. God, he wanted to make him moan his name, fuck him so hard that Merlin would be remembering this night for a long time to come.

Merlin finished his exploration of Arthur’s torso, his gaze returning to Arthur’s.

Arthur held out both of his arms and said, "Are you coming or going? Or, coming and staying?"

Merlin gulped and swayed slightly so Arthur took matters into his own hands. He stepped closer, not once breaking eye contact, a small smile playing on his lips. When he reached him, he used both hands to push Merlin’s coat to the floor, and made light work of the rest of his clothes. Suddenly, the boy was naked before him, tall and slender with never ending acres of pale skin just waiting for Arthur’s exploration. His cock, long and red was standing proudly erect, already glistening with precome.

Arthur ran his thumb over the tip and gathered the moisture waiting there, licking it clean. Merlin’s breath hitched as his eager eyes followed the path of Arthur’s tongue. Arthur slid an arm around Merlin’s waist and, pulling him flush against his body, kissed him.

Merlin melted into him, letting Arthur take control of what was an almost desperate kiss. Arthur wanted to be closer to Merlin; the fluttering inside of him was an alien experience as his tongue tangled with Merlin’s, like this was Arthur’s first time. The kiss was endless, building the anticipation for Arthur until he snapped, pulling back to say, "Gonna fuck you."

Merlin swayed, his hands going to Arthur’s shoulders. He nodded and closed his eyes. "Yes."

Arthur cupped Merlin’s buttocks and Merlin seemed to instinctively know what Arthur wanted, letting him lift him, wrapping his legs around Arthur’s waist. Arthur couldn’t take his eyes off Merlin’s as he walked them both to the bedroom. Merlin bit his lip, and Arthur wanted to lave his tongue over the sensitive spot.

Arthur didn’t know how he’d managed to savour this for so long, how he hadn’t fucked Merlin against the front door the moment they had arrived. God only knew he wanted to. Yet- somehow, something was stopping him. If he wasn’t mistaken, Merlin was a virgin. Something in Arthur wanted to take it slower, make sure it good for him. No, not just good – mind blowing.

He lowered Merlin to the bed and came down to straddle him, wrapping a hand around both of their cocks and slowly stroking, kissing Merlin who bucked up into him with a whimper. "Arthur-"

Arthur released his own cock, he didn’t want to come yet – he wasn’t going to come yet - and continued his attention to Merlin. He kissed a path down Merlin’s body – nipples, tummy, navel, hipbones – before taking the head of his cock into his mouth and teasing the end. Merlin’s hands found their way into his hair, pulling hard as his hips lifted into Arthur’s face. "God," he whispered. "Oh God."

Arthur used his tongue to explore Merlin’s length, Merlin’s moans, sighs and ‘Arthur’s’ doing things to him that no other man ever had. In the back of his mind, alarm bells were ringing, which he ignored and sucked Merlin’s cock down to the root, suppressing the urge to stroke himself. Merlin’s breathing was becoming erratic; Arthur knew he was close and pulled back, pushing the tip of his tongue against the underside of Merlin’s cock. Seconds later, Merlin exploded in Arthur’s mouth, his release hitting the back of Arthur’s throat as he swallowed every last drop before licking Merlin clean. He shimmied up Merlin’s body and kissed him, wanting Merlin’s – probable – first taste of semen to be his own from Arthur’s mouth.

Merlin looked spent, his chest heaving, his pupils dilated from his release.

"Satisfactory?" Arthur asked, knowing that the ‘satisfactory’ never applied to at blow job from him, but he needed to know what Merlin thought, like a child looking for parental approval.

Merlin tried to force his lips to move, to reply to Arthur’s question. He managed to mutter, "Yurgh."

Of course, he had nothing to compare it to, but Merlin had a strong suspicion that his would be the blow job that all others had to live up to in the future. His limbs felt heavy as the post orgasmic languidness crept through his veins.

Vaguely Merlin registered that Arthur’s mirrored wardrobe had a huge crack down the middle, a result of some Merlin’s magic escaping as he climaxed – something he'd had to learn to control years ago when wanking but had given no consideration to tonight. He blinked quickly and the crack mended, hoping that Arthur hadn’t noticed its appearance in the first place. He would have to try harder to keep that reined in. Arthur couldn’t know about that particular talent tonight, Merlin didn’t want to freak him out.

Arthur seemed satisfied with Merlin’s non-answer as he was now sucking Merlin’s neck, tasting his collar bone, running his tongue into the dip of his throat and tasting the beads of sweat that Merlin knew had to be there. As he came down from his high he realised that Arthur hadn’t come yet.

Arthur was going to fuck him.

Just that thought had Merlin’s cock twitching again. This was no surprise – Merlin was seventeen after all. "Are you going to-" he started to say but Arthur cut him off.

"Oh yes," he whispered into Merlin’s neck before lifting his head and locking eyes. "Is this your first time?"

Was he that obvious? Merlin nodded, praying Arthur didn’t shove him out of bed. Arthur was used to experienced men, that much was obvious. What would he want with Merlin who had no idea what he was doing?

Arthur kissed him, "I’ll be as gentle as I can." He sat up on his heels and reached over to the nightstand and came back with a condom and a tube of lube.

This was really going to happen. This blond God of a man was going to take his virginity. Merlin wanted this more than anything, mildly freaking out at the thought that if Arthur hadn’t crossed his path tonight he could be doing this with someone else right now, and someone else would never have been right before deciding that he would never have gone with anyone else because he was supposed to find Arthur.

It was meant to be Arthur. Arthur and Merlin. It was like fate and destiny had made a pact and engineered this moment.

Arthur’s lips were everywhere; his tongue tasting parts of him that Merlin he hadn’t even known were sensitive. Merlin had to commend himself on his recovery time; his cock was back in action and begging for attention. Arthur ignored it in favour of lifting Merlin’s legs and draping them over his shoulders, grabbing a cushion and placing it under Merlin’s arse and then – Jesus fucking Christ – a warm wet tongue was licking his hole. "Arthur!" Merlin flailed. He’d seen this on the internet but he’d never touched himself down there, and now someone – Arthur – had their tongue there and God, Merlin wanted to scream his pleasure. He tried biting his lip, but when a slick finger breached his entrance, he cried out at the unusual sensation. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was uncomfortable.

The next few minutes were a mixture of intense pleasure – Merlin’s first experience of someone brushing a digit over his prostate, and the strange sensations that came being fingered and stretched, then the tongue would return and so would the bliss and the unfamiliar burn and- "I’m ready," he said, worried that if Arthur didn’t fuck him soon he would come again, and he wanted that to be when Arthur was inside him. "Arthur, please fuck me."

Arthur sat back and dropped Merlin’s limbs to his sides again. "Patience my little virgin," he teased. He took Merlin’s cock head into his mouth again and swirled his tongue over the slit and with a hum he crawled forward over Merlin and when their face were aligned. "You’re gonna enjoy this."

Arthur lifted Merlin’s legs again so they rested on his shoulders, and Merlin felt the head of Arthur’s cock pushing into him. It felt so big, but Arthur was slow, taking time for Merlin to adjust before he pushed in further. Merlin felt- He was more turned on than he’d ever been, but- "Does it always hurt?" he blurted, feeling the blush on his cheeks at his own gaucheness.

Arthur, now fully sheathed, pulled back slowly and shoved back inside gently, said, "That’s part of it." He rained kisses over Merlin’s jawline and pulled back out again. "I don’t think I can go as slow as I promised, I want you too much."

Merlin noticed the beads of sweat on Arthur’s forehead and wanted to taste them. "I’m okay," he said. "I want you to fuck me like you want to."

Arthur sighed in relief, buried his face in Merlin’s neck, bending Merlin nearly into two. He withdrew and slammed back home. Merlin whimpered, it really bloody hurt. Arthur shifted and the next stroke hit Merlin’s prostate. "Arthur!"

It was fast, and glorious, painful and amazing; Arthur above him, pounding into him, so gorgeous, and for this moment, he was Merlin’s. Arthur took hold of Merlin’s cock and stroked it in time with his thrusts, and that tipped Merlin over for the second time that night, spilling his come across his own chest and onto Arthur’s.

Arthur came then, almost silently, until he cried, "Merlin!" and his face relaxed as he moved through his release.

He withdrew and pulled Merlin into his side, covering them both with the duvet. Merlin, still reeling from his second orgasm let himself be lulled by the sounds of Arthur’s heavy breathing as he succumbed to sleep.

Arthur woke, instantly aware that there was someone in the bed with him. Fuck. Nobody stayed over. Nobody. This was Arthur’s bed, and he might fuck many people in it, but only he slept in it. He glanced at the clock and saw it wasn’t even 2am – his friends would probably still be at Camelot!

The memory flooded back to him of who the other person beside him was; Merlin. Arthur had laid claim to his virginity. Somehow, despite all the men Arthur had been with, and there were a lot, nothing had felt as intense as tonight with this skinny pale boy whose limbs had now taken over half of Arthur’s bed. He had never been anyone's first before.

In the half light from the lights they’d left on in the hallway Arthur studied the boy who still slept beside him. Long dark lashes fanned against his cheek, and what cheeks they were… This kid had cheekbones that could carve through stone. His dark hair curled into his nape, and Arthur followed the curve of his neck, the expanse of soft skin that stretched tautly down over a prominent collar bone. He was all angles and sharpness. He shouldn’t have been, but he was perfect.

Arthur tensed as Merlin stirred and his lashes fluttered open, hazy blue eyes meeting Arthur’s. A slow lazy smile spread across Merlin’s face, and Arthur’s heartbeat stuttered. No, no, no. Arthur’s heart skipped a beat for no one. Not even an elfin beauty such as this. "Hi," Merlin said, stretching his long limbs and leaning forward to kiss Arthur.

Arthur recoiled instinctively. "You’ll have to go," he said, turning his face away and staring at the ceiling, willing his heart to stop hammering. "I don’t allow people to stay over." He tried to ignore the sharp intake of breath that was Merlin’s response. This was Arthur’s fault for picking up a kid; far too many youthful expectations to live up to.

"I don’t have anywhere to go," Merlin said quietly, his voice almost a whisper.

"What do you mean; you don’t have anywhere to go? Are you homeless?"

"No. My parents think I’m at Elena’s, and Elena will be asleep by now – I can’t go home until the morning."

Arthur steeled himself; parents. "That’s too bad. You can’t stay here."

"Right; I'll…go then." The long limbs unfolded themselves and Merlin stood, long and lean beside the bed, looking incredibly self-conscious as he glanced around himself for his clothes before seeming to remember they were on the floor in the living room where Arthur had removed them a couple of hours before.

The sight of Merlin’s flushed cheeks and naked form, however, was doing things to Arthur’s dick, and Arthur couldn’t stop himself when he said, "Well, I suppose I can make an exception; you’ll be needing another fuck to compare to your first after all." Visions of Merlin riding his cock exploded into his brain and suddenly that was all he could think of. "Come here."

Merlin hesitated, glancing between Arthur and the door. Arthur could see him losing the battle with himself. He sighed and crawled back onto the bed and knelt beside Arthur, licking his lips. That was Arthur’s undoing. "Straddle me," he commanded. Arthur fumbled with the nightstand and grabbed another condom. Merlin complied.

Arthur handed Merlin the condom and told him to put it on him.

This was going to be a long, pleasurable, night.

"God, Elena, it was amazing. Arthur’s just so-." Merlin flopped back on Elena’s bed, having arrived half an hour earlier. His Mum was picking him up in a few minutes to go shopping and she was under the impression that Merlin had stayed there last night.

"What did it feel like?" Elena span on her desk chair, her cheeks flushed in the wake of Merlin telling her exactly what had happened with him and Arthur last night.

Merlin ignored the question. "He let me stay over and he said he never normally does that. It’s got to mean something right? I mean, I bet he doesn’t let everyone he…sleeps with – Elena, do you think he sleeps with a lot of guys?" Merlin did not like that idea even though he knew it was probably the case. He wanted another go with Arthur. He wanted to see him again, and sleep in his bed, and- He wanted Arthur, full-stop. That feeling that had sent his mind reeling from Arthur being his first to his only hadn't died; last night had fed the craving.

Arthur had dropped him off earlier, outside Elena’s. He’d refused Merlin’s goodbye kiss and the journey had been horribly awkward, with Arthur not responding to Merlin’s nervous chatter.

Merlin frowned. Arthur wasn’t going to be a one off; Merlin wouldn’t allow it. He’d go to Camelot again tonight, Saturday, and he’d have another night in Arthur’s arms. Arthur might be a bit of a player, maybe he had a few lovers, but that was before he’d met Merlin. Arthur surely didn’t treat all the men he slept with the way he had Merlin? That first time he had been so careful, so tender, even when towards the end he’d lost control, he had made sure not to hurt Merlin.

Crap. Just thinking about last night was getting him hard. That wouldn’t do, not with Elena there. He hastily flipped onto his front and said, "Now all we need to do is get you laid too."

Elena blushed and found a sudden fascination with her fingernails.

"Elena – don’t tell me you already have since we-? Who?"

The blush intensified. "No! It’s just- I’ve got a bit of a crush on Elyan."

Merlin’s Mum’s car horn blared from outside. Merlin sat up, pleased his erection had subsided. He wrapped his scarf around his neck to hide his hickeys and hugged Elena. "We’ll talk about this later?"

Elena nodded. Merlin went to the window and waved at his Mum and saw his little brother was in the backseat.

"Bollocks, she’s got Mordred with her." He grabbed his ‘overnight’ bag and went to meet Hunith, kissing her cheek.

"How was your night?" Hunith asked as she pulled away from the kerb.

Merlin grinned. "Bloody brilliant!" He turned round to greet his brother with a waggle of his eyebrows. "Alright, twatface?"

"Fuck off."

Merlin turned back around and grinned. Even Mordred couldn’t flatten his mood today.

Arthur scanned the sea of writhing bodies, searching for someone short and blond, or maybe ginger, but most definitely not a tall lanky teenager with goofy ears and intense blue eyes. "Where’s Lance tonight?" he asked Leon with only a passing curiosity.

Leon, scanning the room himself, replied, "He’s at home with some twink he picked up last night after you left." Arthur didn’t miss the bitter tone in Leon’s voice. Leon was very attractive, tall with dark blond scruff and muscles, but he gave off an air of desperation that put people off, and Arthur knew that pointing that out to Leon would probably only knock his confidence further. Leon also had the tendency to be jealous; he was always in awe of Arthur’s ability to pull anyone he wanted, and of Lance and Gwaine’s successes. Arthur also knew that Lance had an epic boner for Leon, and that Leon would never feel the same way about him – he was totally oblivious to Lance, which frankly amazed Arthur – Lance was gorgeous. He supposed it was the familiarity thing. "Speaking of twinks – isn’t that yours from last night over there?"

Arthur turned his attention to where Leon was indicating, and sure enough, there was Merlin. Fuck. He was clearly looking for someone, and Arthur knew that someone had to be him. "He probably wants a repeat performance," he said cockily, winking at Leon. "I must have forgotten to tell him my golden rule."

"Which one - the ‘remember that Arthur Pendragon is a total prat’ rule?" Gwaine mocked, staring longingly at Merlin. "He does have something about him, Arthur. If you’re done with him then you won’t mind me-"

"Go right ahead," Arthur said flippantly, grabbing hold of the nearest unattached body, draping it’s arms around his own neck and moving off into the crowd. His dance partner ground himself into Arthur, sending interest to his cock and distracting him from watching Gwaine’s efforts at talking to Merlin. Let Gwaine have a go with Merlin. Merlin was a sweet kid, Gwaine wouldn’t hurt him. It was for the best. Arthur certainly wasn’t going to fuck him again.

So why couldn’t he tear his eyes off them? As Merlin caught his gaze and smiled, Arthur didn’t want to think about the reasons. It was all he could do not to smile back, no matter how drawn to him he was right now, or how much he wanted to grab Gwaine by his collar and slam him against the wall for thinking of touching what was his.

Instead, he dropped a hand to cup his partner’s cock and whispered an invite for him to accompany him into the back room into his ear. The man nodded and Arthur began to lead him away, only to be stopped by someone blocking his path.

"Watch where- Merlin!"

"He’s spoken for," Merlin said boldly to Arthur’s conquest. "Get lost."

To his credit, nameless conquest spoke up for himself, "He doesn’t look too bothered and it seems to me that he prefers me."

"I said, get lost," Merlin repeated, and Arthur swore that his eyes glowed gold.

Conquest looked dazedly at Arthur and then back at Merlin. "Play your little games with someone else next time," he said and shoved a path between the two of them leaving a pleased looking Merlin and a gobsmacked Arthur.

"What the fuck?" he shouted at Merlin, making sure he heard him over the loud thump of the music.

"You don’t need him," Merlin replied, his bravado faltering at Arthur’s attitude. "I’m here now. I thought-"

"I’m sorry," Arthur said coldly. "Did I forget to tell you that I don’t fuck the same guy twice?"

Merlin stared at Arthur for a moment, the rejection sinking into his bone. He’d played the confident cocky card and he’d failed. He didn’t have anything else other than resorting to magic and he wasn't that person; Arthur had to come to him willingly. He only knew how to be himself, and if Arthur didn’t want him then there was nothing else he had to give. He wanted Arthur, but he’d seen how easy it was for him. He only had to look at a guy and he’d got himself his next shag. Merlin couldn’t compete with that, and he didn't want to have to. He forced a smile and shrugged. "Your loss," he said and walked away, refusing to allow himself to look back.

He was soon fending off offers to dance, and when a tall dark haired man stepped in his path and asked Merlin to go into the back room with him, Merlin thought, fuck it, why not? He grasped the man’s hand and let himself be led towards the back.

"Back off, Ethan." Arthur was there then, his hand closing around Merlin’s wrist. Merlin’s heart jumped into his throat as Ethan squared his shoulders and then obviously read something in Arthur’s eyes. He shot an apologetic look at Merlin and released his hand.

"He’s all yours," he said to Arthur and melted into the crowd.

"What did you do that for?" Merlin asked, happiness melting into his bones. Arthur did want him, if that jealous display was anything to go by.

"Don’t read anything into it," Arthur said casually. "One cock is as good as another."

Merlin let the words wash off him. He hadn’t known Arthur for long, but he had already decided that underneath all the arrogance and brag, there was something more that Arthur didn’t want the rest of the world to see. Merlin wanted to know what that more was.

They didn’t go into the backroom, but back to Arthur’s where Merlin was bent over Arthur’s dining table and thoroughly fucked before Arthur led him into the bedroom with a sated, "You can stay." To Merlin, those words were like an offer of commitment, until Arthur said, "But don’t read anything in to that."

It was becoming his strapline.

On Sunday morning, Merlin woke early and puttered into Arthur’s kitchen and made coffee and toast, sitting himself at the very table he’d been ravished over the night before and half reading an article in a boring looking business magazine he’d found on the coffee table.

When a photograph of Arthur in an expensively cut suit and tie with perfectly coiffed hair stared back at him, Merlin was a little shocked. Arthur Pendragon, 29, only son of Uther Pendragon and heir to Pendragon Limited. Merlin sat up straighter. Why hadn’t he asked Arthur his surname? Not that the opportunity had come up in their conversations to date, which had mostly consisted of, ‘harder’, ‘yes - there’ and ‘God!’

Even Merlin had heard of Pendragon Limited. One of his classmates had given a thoroughly boring presentation about the company in business studies last year. They were market leaders in electronics and had a finger in many other pies around the globe.

This meant Arthur was loaded. Worse yet, Arthur was twenty-nine to Merlin’s seventeen – which Arthur still thought was nineteen.

"You’re still here, then," Arthur said as he almost stumbled into the living area, totally naked and poured himself some of the coffee Merlin had made.

"I was just going," Merlin said, his mood plummeting at Arthur’s words. There was no way he was sticking around for Arthur to reject him again. He closed the magazine and pushed his chair back. His coat was thrown over the back of the sofa. He had to be back at Elena’s anyway, he’d promised her he’d help with her English homework in exchange for her help with his maths. It was a fair trade. "I’ll see you around." He didn’t bother looking at Arthur as he left, not wanting to see the relief on his face as he did.

"You’re not going to believe this," Gwaine gloated, enjoying holding court over everyone as they crammed into a booth at Avalon Café. Lance and Leon leant in closer and Arthur stayed where he was, rolling his eyes. "Arthur fucked the same guy two nights in a row. "

There was a theatrical gasp from Leon and followed by a snigger and a gape from Lance. "What, that kid from the other night, Arthur? The one with the ears?"

Arthur wanted to defend Merlin’s ears – they had their uses and were extremely sensitive to Arthur’s tongue.

"The very same," Gwaine announced wickedly. "The kid cut in on Arthur and some other bloke last night, and Arthur, instead of punching him into next week like he would anyone else, took him home. Can’t say as I blame you though, Arthur – there’s definitely something about him."

Leon was looking at Arthur with his old protective glare, the one more familiar from their childhood when Leon would try to talk Arthur out of doing something reckless, before Arthur went ahead and did it anyway. To Leon, Arthur taking some twink home twice was the same as announcing he was marrying the kid. "He’d cock blocked me and he wanted it. No harm no foul."

"What can I get you boys today?" Alice, Avalon’s proprietor and Leon’s mother, appeared at their table brandishing her order pad. "And what’s this I hear you’re hinting at Gwaine? Arthur’s got a boyfriend? I never thought I would see the day." She pinched Arthur's cheeks as though he was five years old before ruffling his hair affectionately.

"I do not have a boyfriend! The bloody kid is practically stalking me."

Alice raised a knowing eyebrow at Arthur and the others hastily gave their orders. Alice shuffled off to hand the order to Gaius, her husband and the café’s chef. When the order was in she immediately returned to the table and said, "So, Arthur, no one knows better than me when you’re lying. Come on, tell your old surrogate mum about this ‘kid’."

There was a chorus of ‘yeah, Arthur, tell her’ from his traitorous friends.

Arthur hadn’t ordered anything, so he stood up and said huffily, "I’m going round to see Gwen and Drew." He wasn't in the mood for continuing the conversation.

He knew it had been a mistake taking Merlin home for a second time. Well, there would be no third time lucky for Merlin that was certain.

On Friday evening Merlin nervously approached ‘Sigan’s’, his final attempt to track down Arthur before he gave up for the night, and luckily, he saw as soon as he sidled in the door that this place was the right choice. Arthur was sitting at the bar with his three sidekicks – Leon and – what was his name again – yes, Gwaine, and the suspiciously handsome one - Lance?

Leon spotted Merlin immediately and whispered something into Arthur’s ear. Merlin stilled his approach, aware that he was an uninvited gate crasher to this particular party. Arthur turned and watched Merlin’s approach with an annoyed expression stamped on his aristocratic feature, his blue eyes glued to Merlin’s.

"What do you want?" Arthur asked coldly when Merlin made it over to him.

Merlin felt sick. Arthur was all he’d been able to think about all week. He’d hoped that in the time since he’d last seen him Arthur might have missed him or-

"Ignore Arthur," Lance said, his voice friendly. "He’s cranky because of some work thing and is taking it out on everyone else."

This didn’t make Merlin feel any better. "Oh, er- what happened?"

Arthur pursed his lips and actually looked slightly ashamed, and Leon replied, "He fucked one of the interns yesterday and today they are claiming sexual harassment."

This made Merlin want to sink through the floor, and his face must have fallen because Gwaine said, "Would you like a drink, Merlin?" and pulled Merlin to one side. Merlin felt Arthur glaring at the back of his head, but he didn’t turn around because this new revelation fucking hurt. He’d known, of course he’d known that Arthur fucked around, but he’d hoped- What a joke he was, naïve little Merlin Emrys, thinking he could hold the interest of a man like Arthur Pendragon. He should never have read his Mum’s Mills and Boons when he was younger – not that he would ever admit that he had done that out loud – his head had been filled with happy ‘against the odds’ endings.

"Um, a beer please." He smiled at Gwaine, happy for a friendly face, wanting nothing more than to get out of there but not wanting to give Arthur the satisfaction. Gwaine patted a stool at the bar and Merlin hopped onto it gratefully. "Thank you."

Gwaine handed Merlin his beer and said, "It’s nothing personal you know. You got further than most. Arthur never screws the same guy twice."

"I’m honoured," Merlin mumbled, staring miserably down into his beer. He’d been expecting too much. He’d initially only set out to shag someone, to lose his virginity, and when he’d found Arthur he thought he’d found something more. He didn’t even know why he felt like that about Arthur, it wasn’t as though they had shared any deep and meaningful conversations about the meaning of life or anything. He’d just thought- Fuck it, obviously he’d been mistaken.

Merlin decided to turn his attention to his companion – who other than being guilty of the crime of not being Arthur was actually a mighty fine male specimen. "So, come on then, Gwaine, what’s your story?"

Merlin laughed and joked with Gwaine for the best part of an hour, and found he was actually a decent bloke, and he told a dirty joke better than anyone Merlin had ever met. When he received a phone call and apologetically said he had to go, Merlin said goodbye and sat, self-conscious, hyper aware that Arthur was behind him. He could feel him still glaring at the back of his neck, so when a tall guy with bright green eyes and very tight jeans who introduced himself as Jamie offered to buy him a drink Merlin said yes and fell into an easy conversation with him. Jamie invited Merlin back to his, Merlin said yes, thinking, fuck it, might as well, Arthur doesn't want me, he asked him to wait for him to run to the loo first. When he came back, he found Jamie had gone and Arthur was in his place looking annoyingly smug.

"What did you say to him?" Merlin demanded, glancing towards to the door in case Jamie was waiting there for him.

"I told him you were only fifteen," Arthur answered with a smirk. "He was out of here before you could say ‘jailbait’."

"What did you do that for?" Merlin was furious! "What is it, you don’t want me but no one else can either?" He fumbled with his jacket, ready to pull it on and leave… alone.

"I do. Want you I mean." Merlin raised his eyes to Arthur’s and saw the need imprinted there and he didn’t know what to say so he settled for not replying at all. He couldn’t read Arthur any further than the basics; that right now he wanted Merlin.

"Come back to mine?" Arthur invited, his fingers absently stroking Merlin’s hand.

Merlin thought about Arthur and the intern, and he made a decision that he knew he would live to regret. He was a bloody idiot who ought to know better, but he didn’t need asking twice. He ignored the fluttering in his stomach; it was enough that Arthur wanted him now. Merlin had tasted him now, and he was addicted; he would take what he could get.

He used his magic in front of Arthur that night, hurriedly floating the lube and condom out of the bedroom and into the living room so that Arthur could just fuck him already. His impatience was tangible. This added Arthur to the short list of people who knew about the magic, and somehow, Merlin knew he could trust Arthur with it.

Arthur's jaw had dropped before he'd laughed and said, "Only someone called fucking Merlin could do that." He had then proceeded to do some pretty magical stuff with his tongue that made Merlin’s display of magic seem like a parlour trick.

"So what’s with the kid?" Leon pushed over their regular Thursday morning breakfast in Alice's café before they went to work. "You never take anyone home more than once, yet this Merlin is the exception?" Arthur could almost hear the worry in Leon’s voice.

Leon didn’t even know that Merlin had stayed at Arthur’s until Sunday evening – two whole nights and the days in between - and that when he had finally left, Arthur had missed him. Arthur shrugged, "It’s convenient." It was. It was also something that had to stop. He didn’t need convenience, he never had trouble pulling someone when he wanted a fuck, and he didn’t need someone hanging around him with big blue eyes and cheekbones and magic. The magic was kind of cool though, and it fitted the person he was slowly realising Merlin was perfectly, and although Arthur knew he ought to be slightly freaked out about it, he wasn't – it was just another part of Merlin. Nevertheless, none of it mattered because Arthur wasn't going to sleep with him again.

"Well, much as I love that you’re opening up to me," Leon said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at Arthur’s lack of response to his questioning. "I’ve met someone." He watched Arthur for his reaction.

Arthur’s first thought was ‘finally’, as Leon was usually pretty damned useless at this pulling business. "Oh – who is the lucky fella?"

"His name’s Percy, he’s a professor at the uni, I met him at the information day yesterday." Leon was working his last few weeks in his old job before starting uni as a mature student in September. "He’s lectures in ancient mythology."

"So when you say you’ve ‘met someone’, has anything actually happened?" It wouldn’t be the first time Leon had gone all unrequited on someone, in fact it was a regular occurrence. Leon wanted hearts and flowers and happy ever after. "Is he even gay?"

"I’m trying to work that out, I think so," Leon said with a sigh. "I'm sure I caught him checking out my arse. I wish you had been there, your gaydar is much more refined than mine."

As much as he wanted to help his friend with the object of his affection, he had no intention of swinging by the uni and eyeing up this professor bloke. "Is his picture on the website?"

Leon brightened. "It could be." He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out his iPhone and tapped it a few times before holding it up for Arthur’s perusal. "There, that’s him."

Arthur took one look at the muscular good looking man in the picture and inwardly cringed before saying, "Gay."

"How can you tell that from this picture?" Leon looked pleased at Arthur’s diagnosis despite his reluctant tone.

"I fucked him last year. I met him when Pendragon sponsored the History department’s trip to Russia."

Leon’s shoulders slumped. "Is there anyone you haven’t fucked, Arthur?"

Arthur tried to look uncaring, even if he did feel a twinge of guilt that he had (a) fucked the guy and then left straight afterwards, and (b) that this guy turned out to be someone Leon liked – Arthur wanted Leon’s happiness almost as much as Leon did. He swigged the last dregs of his coffee and threw down a fiver to cover the bill. "Lance, Gwaine - you." When Leon didn't smile he added, "Don't let this put you off. He's a nice guy. If you think he was checking out your arse then he probably was – you should ask him out."

Leon flushed and as Arthur stood to leave he ruffled his friend’s hair and kissed his forehead.

"Later."

Arthur couldn’t concentrate at work, the words on his computer might as well have been in Chinese for all the sense they made as they swam before his tired eyes. This last week, well, more than that now, since he’d met Merlin, he hadn’t been able to get the bloody kid out of his mind. Leon was right, this wasn’t like him. Arthur did not do this. ‘More than once’ easily became twice, and then a third and fourth, and then it was a fucking relationship.

Arthur felt nauseous at the word ‘relationship’. Last week, when Myror had made a move on him in Arthur’s office after a meeting, Arthur fucked him over his desk because that meant he wasn’t thinking about Merlin and he wasn’t holding out until saw him again. In fact, he’d been certain that when he did see him again – and he had no doubts that the persistent pest would be back – Arthur was not going to take him home and that this ridiculous thing was over.

Yet, fifteen minutes of watching Merlin being hit on by some loser that Arthur had already had – and who wasn’t even that good – and Arthur had decided to rescue the lad, because he was still new to this, and he deserved to be tutored by the best, not by some half-wit who could barely give a decent blow-job.

Of course, Arthur was the best.

Still, this wouldn’t do. Merlin would have to learn that Arthur belonged to no one, and he never would; if sex with Merlin – young and inexperienced that he was – was so much better than any other sex Arthur had had since his teens, then that was only because Arthur loved the feeling of power he had over him. After all, Arthur had been Merlin’s first. The only decent thing to do now would be to let Merlin loose to fuck other guys, give him the freedom to taste all the wonderful cock there was out there for a young man on his sexual journey of awakening to discover.

Yes, to fuck other guys and move things with his mind whilst he was at it. Arthur tried not to think about how the bed had risen into the air the other day as Merlin came; so, the kid was a bit telekinetic, so what? Morgana was too. Merlin wasn’t that unique.

After an incredibly dull meeting with an American company looking to get a foothold in the UK, Arthur followed the CEO’s obviously gay PA to the gents in the hope of a quickie and a Merlin mind-wipe. His orgasm was satisfactory, but the thoughts of Merlin did not abate.

This – would – not – do.

"My Mom found my porn," Merlin whispered to Elena and threw himself face forward onto her bed. "So now she knows. She wants me to go to see a shrink. It’s like the magic thing all over again only worse, because when my magic manifested, Dad was furious but he couldn't really do anything about it as I inherited it from him. He hadn’t told Mum he had powers, but this – he’ll kill me. He thinks all gays are abominations of nature." The irony of a man with magical powers thinking being gay was the abomination was not lost on Merlin.

Elena sat on the bed beside him and rubbed his back. "Does she know about Arthur yet?"

"God, no, she’d freak just from knowing I’ve you know, but if she found out that Arthur’s twenty-nine – geez – I’d be grounded until I was fifty."

"Will it really be that bad?" Elena flopped down next to Merlin and wrapped a comforting arm around him.

Merlin’s voice was muffled by the pillow. "I think Mum will come around eventually, but Dad – never – if she tells him I don't know what he'll do."

Elena nudged Merlin and he shifted over on the bed to make room for her. "Stay here tonight?"

"’Kay." He had been originally been planning on going to Avalon Street again and looking for Arthur, but the thought of a repeat of the previous week in Sigan’s – having to hear about Arthur and another conquest – Merlin couldn’t face that tonight, not after his Mum finding out he was gay, and certainly not after the wonderful weekend he had spent at Arthur’s last week. Rejection after that would be too much to bear right now. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think about what his father would say about him being gay.

"Merlin, love, I had to tell him. I found your blog-"

"You did what?" Merlin stared at this mother in horror. His blog? Geez. It was mostly full of gay fan porn – and God¬ – he could only hope that was all she had found.

Merlin loved writing; he was going to uni study magic and creative writing. Writing was his passion, and magic was part of him. There were just two universities in the country that offered magic, and of those, there were just two places at each. He'd been headhunted by both by virtue of being his father's son; being one of a long line of persons with magical power. His father had spurned magic and tried unsuccessfully to get his name removed from the Magical Registry.

Merlin hadn't even heard of a Magical Registry until he'd been approached by the universities wanting him to apply.

"Love, I’m worried about you. Your father is too. We just want what’s best for you-" Hunith’s hands twisted nervously and Merlin squirmed, thinking of her reading his blog entries.

"Invading my privacy is best for me is it?" Merlin snatched his coat off the hook near the door and slammed out of the house. He hadn’t been planning on going out that evening and he’d managed to resist so far. He still didn’t have Arthur’s number or vice-versa; Arthur hadn’t asked so Merlin hadn’t offered it. His desperation to see Arthur was so intense, so painful that Merlin was scaring himself. He’d had crushes before, on boys at school who had been none the wiser, and there had been that boy in France on that school trip – Gilli – they’d kissed and fumbled, but Merlin had been fifteen then and scared of being caught by a teacher. Funny, he and Gilli still emailed – and ran their internet community together. Now, yanking his coat on, Merlin headed for Avalon Street – Elena was at a family wedding so he couldn't go to her this time.

How could his Mum do this to him? His Dad was going to kill him. Merlin had hoped to be away at uni at least before Balinor Emrys found out his eldest son batted for the other team! He’d almost made it too, just a couple of months and he would be moving into the uni halls of residence and would finally have some of the privacy he craved.

Merlin burst into Camelot, scanning the crowds for Arthur and only finding Leon, Gwaine and another tall guy he hadn’t seen before.

"Have you seen Arthur?" he asked breathlessly as he came to a halt in front of them. He knew he looked dishevelled and he didn't care. He just wanted to talk to someone – to Arthur. He needed to get it off his chest.

Leon grinned, running his eyes up and down Merlin’s skinny frame before sighing and reluctantly replying, "Hello, Merlin. Yes, Arthur’s in the back room." Leon waved and arm in the direction of the stranger beside him. "This is Percy." His face lit up as he introduced the other man.

Merlin smiled tightly at the newcomer, who was staring adoringly at Leon, and turned to go into the back before realising what Leon had actually meant was, ‘yes, Arthur is out the back fucking someone else’. He turned back to Leon, forced a smile and said, "Never mind about Arthur, as you guys are here I’ll stay and have a drink if that’s alright?" He tried to not look like he felt – as though he wanted to vomit. He ordered a beer, hoped the barman wouldn’t ask for his ID as he wasn’t eighteen until June, and turned to Gwaine, "How are you, Gwaine?"

Gwaine grinned. "All the better for seeing you, Merlin." He slung a casual arm around Merlin’s shoulders. "Forget Arthur. He’s not worth it. He’s on a mission to fuck every gay, bi or bi-curious bloke in Albion before he hits thirty. You deserve better."

Merlin realised he was fucked - he didn’t want better. He wanted Arthur.

"Someone like you?" Merlin almost wished he’d met Gwaine first and been mesmerised by his chocolate brown eyes instead of being drawn in by Arthur’s baby blues. Gwaine was hot. He was also someone Merlin was warming to as someone he could trust.

Gwaine shrugged. "I wouldn’t rule me out as an option." He winked and waved at the barman to order another drink. Merlin clambered onto a bar stool and tried desperately to feel something for Gwaine and exorcise Arthur.

Arthur exited the back room, whoever the bloke was he’d just been blown by was already a distant memory and he was in need of a beer. When he caught sight of his friends he stopped dead.

Merlin was at the bar. With Leon and his ‘date’, the incredibly tall and brooding Percy (Arthur was secretly proud of Leon for asking Percy out). And fucking Gwaine. Gwaine, who had his arm around Merlin and was whispering something in his ear that Merlin was enjoying because he laughed, his face lighting up the room.

Arthur swallowed, forced his legs to move and went to join them. "Still stalking me, Merlin?" he drawled, trying not to rip Gwaine’s arm off for daring to touch Merlin, let alone be draped all across him like they were lifelong friends. Didn’t Gwaine know the unwritten rules of being his friend? Just because the Arthur had mentally rewritten the rule book to add a Merlin clause meant nothing – Gwaine should know to keep his hands off.

Merlin looked pained and Arthur stifled the guilt. "No. I-" he flushed and stared at the floor. "I had to get away from home, that’s all." His voice cracked and even Leon, who Arthur knew had taken a wary stance towards Merlin because of Arthur’s uncharacteristic thing for him, stopped talking to listen.

Something protective twisted inside Arthur, forcing him to ask, "What happened at home, Merlin?" He knew the kid still lived with his parents. He was also beginning to suspect that Merlin wasn’t actually nineteen. He could only hope that he was older than the fifteen he’d told that guy Merlin was the other day; because that was a line he certainly did not cross.

Merlin raised his head and looked directly at Arthur. "My Mum found out I’m gay; she told my Dad."

Arthur remembered back to when Uther had found out he was gay and the horrendous scene that had followed. Subsequent weeks of sofa surfing at mate’s houses had only ended when Alice had made Uther see sense; of a sort. Arthur’s sexuality was simply never mentioned. He’d moved out rather than return home, in with Alice, and at eighteen he’d gone to university and lived alone ever since. Uther had been deadly quiet on the matter, his cold anger worse than any threats he could have issued. Ironically for Arthur, it was the most his father had ever cared about anything he had done before, or since. Apart from Drew that was; his father loved Drew.

Uther Pendragon was currently on his eighth wife; he had cheated on Arthur’s mother – his second wife – with Morgana’s mother (and Leon’s mother, but no one was admitting to that) – who was his first wife – in fact, Uther’s marriages tended to end with at least one of the party, if not both, cheating on the other. Arthur had lost count of the number of step-mothers and ‘aunties’ he had had before the age of eighteen.

"What did he do? Did he hurt you, Merlin?" Arthur would rip his head off and feed it to the fish if he had.

Merlin shook his head. "No, I left before he had the chance. My Mom had called him; he was on his way home. He’ll go mental, I know he will."

Gwaine, his arm still around Merlin’s shoulders, squeezed him and said kindly, "You can stay at mine tonight if you don’t want to go home."

"No," Arthur said stonily, glaring ice at Gwaine. "He stays with me."

"How old are you really?" Arthur asked as Merlin slumped down on his sofa and tipped his head back, closing his eyes. Arthur took two beers from the fridge and brought one over for Merlin, who took it with a shaky hand.

Merlin sighed, took a swig of beer and said, "Seventeen."

Arthur closed his eyes and groaned. Seventeen. "Is that your final answer?"

Merlin nodded. "It’s my birthday in June, I’m eighteen then. I only said nineteen because – well, I didn’t think you would-"

Arthur would have. Seventeen was more than legal. Looking at him now Merlin looked younger than seventeen, he looked so bloody vulnerable. Arthur placed his beer on the coffee table and knelt on the floor, parting Merlin’s thighs and installing himself between them. He unzipped his jeans and released his cock, already half hard from the attention. "This will cheer you up," he promised, and swirled his tongue over the head of Merlin’s cock.

Merlin’s hands curled into Arthur’s hair and he uttered a very firm, "Yes."

Arthur hummed happily.

Merlin woke up when he heard a hammering at Arthur’s front door. Arthur groaned, rolled over and pulled the pillow over his head. Merlin sighed heavily and climbed out of bed. He quickly pulled on his jeans and stumbled out of the bedroom to the front door. It only occurred to him as he flung the door open that it might be his father, which was why he greeted the visitor with his arms wrapped around his upper torso, as though that hid anything!

Thankfully, that fear was unfounded. It was a dark skinned woman with long curly hair, a curious expression and a baby. She looked him over, toes to head in 0.3 seconds and quirked an eyebrow.

"Is Arthur in? I’m Gwen," said the woman, standing on tiptoe and looking over Merlin’s shoulder, her curls bouncing. The baby, a boy as far as Merlin could tell, closed his tiny fist around a stray curl and gurgled happily. "Morgana is away again and I’ve been called into work on my day off. I need Arthur to take Drew."

"Um – Arthur’s in bed," Merlin replied, feeling himself blush. He held open the door and wondered who Gwen was in relation to Arthur; he’d heard the name mentioned in passing by Lance and Leon but he had no idea who she was. "Come in. Er, I’m Merlin."

Gwen walked past Merlin and he closed the door behind her, unsure how to respond when he’d clearly spent the night in Arthur’s bed. Gwen gestured to the baby. "This here is Drew." She spoke as though she expected Merlin to recognise his name. She scanned Merlin’s face again. "You slept here last night?"

Merlin nodded, his attention riveted by the baby. He was the cutest baby Merlin had ever seen – which admittedly wasn’t that many – but still, this one was adorable. His big blue eyes were fixed on Merlin as though Merlin were a new toy. He reached out his tiny pudgy arms and instinctively Merlin reached out for him, pleased when Gwen relinquished her hold on him.

"Interesting," Gwen mused. "Very interesting. Is this the first time you’ve stayed over?"

"Er – no? I’ll just fetch Arthur," Merlin said, not wanting to get drawn in until he had sussed out who Gwen actually was. "Why don’t you sit down?" He left the room before waiting to see if she took a seat or not, the baby propped up on his left arm.

"Arthur!" he hissed, almost tripping into the bedroom. "There’s a Gwen and a Drew here. Apparently your childcare skills are required."

Arthur sat bolt upright in bed. "Fuck!" He scrambled out of bed and yanked on a pair of boxers from the drawers by the bed. The baby gurgled and Arthur stopped to ruffle his downy hair, his face softening.

Merlin rolled his eyes, handed Arthur the infant, and yanked on a t-shirt – one of Arthur’s – and took the baby back again, going back into the living room to offer Gwen a drink. Arthur followed seconds later, still shirtless and doing up his buckle as he arrived, "Hey, Gwen. What’s going on?"

"Can you look after Drew today, Arthur? Morgana is stuck in Glasgow and-"

Merlin watched Arthur’s face closely as he held out his arms for the baby. Merlin immediately handed him over. "Of course I can." He kissed the baby’s forehead. "Hello Drew. Daddy’ll take care of you today. Yes he will."

Merlin’s jaw dropped. Daddy?

"He hasn’t told you then?" Gwen asked, offering Merlin a sympathetic look. "Then again, he’s never had a boyfriend before so I guess he wouldn’t know how, would you, Arthur?"

Arthur’s attention snapped back from his son to glare at Gwen. "What? No – Merlin’s not my boyfriend!"

Merlin wanted to sink through the floor.

"That’s not what – hmm – let me think, Gwaine, Leon, Lance, Gaius and Alice all seem to think."

"He’s – not – my – boyfriend."

Merlin slipped away, filled the kettle and flipped it on, keeping his back to Arthur, trying to resist the urge to magically turn him bald. Asshole. He knew he was nothing to Arthur, that he as lucky Arthur had kept him around this long, but hearing it from his lips with such determination hurt.

"I’d love to stay and investigate this further but have to be going; I’ll pick Drew up at five. Merlin, I’m sure you’re curious so I’ll save Arthur the trouble of telling you," she stopped before him on the way to the door. "It was a turkey baster." She winked at Merlin and left.

Merlin still didn’t turn around to look at Arthur. Arthur was a father and he hadn’t even mentioned it to Merlin. Not that it mattered, or was worth Merlin trying to get to know Drew, because clearly, Merlin was nothing to Arthur and this only proved it.

"Merlin – what are you doing today?"

Merlin had no choice to turn and face Arthur, sucking in a breath at the picture postcard a topless Arthur and his baby son made. "Helping you babysit?"

Arthur beamed at him and Merlin was lost again.

"You spent the day with Merlin and Drew?" Lance laughed. "You are so whipped, my friend."

Arthur’s jaw tightened. Merlin was not his boyfriend. He didn’t bother to retaliate. Leon was at Lance’s side, trying not to smirk at Arthur’s discomfort. Merlin was playing pool with Gwaine, who actually seemed to be losing.

Gwaine was very proud of his pool playing skills and Arthur smirked to himself at the thought of him losing to a seventeen year old. As Arthur watched, Merlin looked up at him as he took his shot, blinking as he did so. The ball slotted perfectly into the pocket. Merlin was using magic! He winked at Arthur and lifted a finger to his lips to ask for Arthur's silence. Behind him Gwaine wailed, "Aw – man!" and Merlin's lips twitched. Arthur couldn't help but send him a beaming smile, ignoring Lance's muttering under his breath, "Whipped."

Merlin was slotting into Arthur’s circle of friends as though he has always been there. Despite the fact that he was at least eight years younger than the youngest – Gwaine – and about fifteen younger than Lance. He had an awful feeling that if he were to give them a ‘me or him’ ultimatum, he might find himself very much alone. That was Merlin though, everyone seemed to adore him, and he knew he had very much fallen under his spell himself; why else would he be suggesting Merlin stay for a few more nights so he could avoid his father?

Arthur had even met Elena earlier who had managed to persuade Merlin’s younger brother to sneak some of Merlin’s things out for his extended stay. She had taken one look at Arthur and said, "Why are all the good ones gay?"

Arthur had liked her immediately. "I’d go straight for a night for you, Elena," he’d flirted back. Merlin hadn’t said anything, he’d just taken his bag into Arthur’s room, and after Elena had played with Drew for an hour and had left Merlin had quietly asked Arthur if he wanted him to leave, because he could always go and stay at Elena’s if his being at Arthur’s was a problem.

It had been on the tip of Arthur’s tongue to say yes, go. Merlin was offering him the out he wanted. Instead he had found himself saying that of course Merlin could stay and that he would drop him off at school in the morning.

Geez, Merlin was still at school! What the fuck was Arthur playing at?

It was a quiet night; they didn’t leave Sigan’s for Camelot as Sunday night was ‘couples night’.

When they finally left the bar, they congregated outside chatting before going their separate ways. Gwaine wound his arms around Merlin’s waist from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder. Arthur bunched his fist in Merlin’s t-shirt and pulled him towards him, not liking the sensations that seeing Gwaine’s arms around Merlin caused in his chest. He carded his hands in Merlin’s hair and pulled him in for a possessive kiss to which Merlin responded with vigour.

Arthur enjoyed shooting Gwaine a triumphant glance over Merlin’s shoulder.

"See you later then," mumbled Leon, grabbing hold of Lance’s arm and pulling him towards the taxi rank.

"Yeah, later," Gwaine said slowly, his gaze fixed on Merlin, and that was when Arthur knew for sure that Gwaine was sweet on him. He deepened the kiss and ignored Gwaine’s farewell. Merlin was his.

"Hey – you - fucking pervert!" The punch came out of nowhere to the side of Arthur’s head, wrenching him away from Merlin and knocking him to the floor with a deafening thud.

"Dad!" Merlin shouted. "Dad, stop!" Arthur managed to glance upwards to see Merlin yanking his father’s arm futilely. The older man struggled out of his grasp and Merlin stumbled back into the wall.

Arthur felt a boot in his ribs as his assailant kicked him hard. He vaguely registered Merlin’s arms going around his father again and trying to pull him back, but the man was furious and all of that fury was aimed at Arthur.

He saw the others come running and collectively yank Merlin’s father away to place themselves between Arthur and the angry older man.

"That’s it, Merlin. That’s it. Either you come home with me right now, or you never come home again."

Merlin looked at his father, and to Arthur who was being helped to his feet by Lance and Leon. He swallowed, tears pricking in his eyes. "Never again," he rasped. His voice increased in volume and he shouted, "Did you hear me? I said, never again!" He stepped into Arthur’s space and Arthur instinctively pulled him close so Merlin would feel safe.

Merlin couldn’t believe what was happening. His father searched his face, and Merlin’s resolve strengthened. "Go! Get the fuck out of here! I’m never coming home again." His voice cracked. "Never! I’m-"

Arthur tightened his hold on him. "Merlin, stop."

Merlin met Arthur’s eyes and Arthur pulled him into a hug. Over his shoulder Merlin saw his father slamming into his car and driving away. Fuck. Oh God. Never again.

"I’m taking you home," Arthur said the following evening as Merlin sat tapping on his laptop and sipping coffee at the dining table.

"No." Merlin crossed his arms and refused to look at Arthur who was pacing the floor behind the sofa. "I won’t go back." He knew his Mum would be frantic with worry, but his father-

"Well, you can’t stay here." Arthur’s voice was cold, and Merlin wondered where the tender man from the night before had gone. The man who, despite his own bruised ribs, gently undressed a shocked Merlin. He’d washed his hair and body in the shower before carefully putting him to bed.

Last night they hadn’t fucked; they had made love. Merlin had felt as though he might finally be getting through Arthur’s defences.

He’d obviously been wrong. This evening Arthur was a completely different person. He didn’t want Merlin staying, and Merlin couldn’t expect him to. He wasn’t Arthur’s boyfriend. He was something else. He’d been granted a stay of execution in Arthur’s life, but he knew his time was rapidly dwindling; especially after all the trouble his presence was causing in Arthur’s life.

"Alright, whatever." Merlin stood and went into the bedroom to throw his stuff into his bag. "I’m ready." He’d let Arthur take him to his parent's house, after all, what choice did he have until his eighteenth birthday in June?

Merlin was pleased to see his Mum was there when they arrived. Arthur insisted on coming in, even after being attacked by Merlin’s father the night before and knowing he would not be welcome. Hunith’s staying arm on Balinor’s was the only thing keeping his father from lunging at Arthur again when he saw him walk in through the door.

They sat awkwardly in the living room, as though Arthur had merely popped in for a cup of tea. It was a silent hell, and the ticking of Hunith’s beloved antique clock on the mantelpiece heightened the tension until Merlin was ready to snap.

"You can come home," Balinor said, finally breaking the silence and glancing at his wife, and from that Merlin knew it was his Mum wearing the trousers here, that his father was acting under duress. "But only if you stop your unnatural behaviour. You will not see this person again." He didn’t as much as glance at Arthur. "You will come home straight from school. You will not ‘stay at Elena’s’."

Merlin wanted to vomit; his unnatural behaviour. His own father was ashamed of him, thought he was an abomination! They'd never been very close but they'd always managed to co-exist under the same roof. He felt the panic rising up in his chest. He had nowhere else he could go; Arthur had said he couldn't stay and he could hardly pitch up to Elena's for an extended stay. He didn’t want to be that kid. Homeless and penniless and ostracised from everything he knew just because he liked cock. "I-"

Arthur cut him off with a raised hand, his face a blank mask. "So let me get this straight," he said with an eerie calmness. "Merlin can live here as long as he denies who he is and locks himself away in his room every night?"

Balinor turned red again. "You filthy old pervert! He’s seventeen. How old are you?" Behind him, a vase smashed to smithereens as his long restrained magic released itself in his anger. Merlin gasped – never had he seen his father use magic, unconsciously or otherwise.

Arthur didn’t even blink. "I’m twenty-nine. Merlin told me he was nineteen when we met; not that it matters because seventeen is perfectly legal, and trust me, everything we’ve done together has been one hundred per-cent consensual."

Merlin stared at Arthur with a mixture of horror and awe as he faced down his father with steely eyes.

"How can it be consensual when you’re the one with the experience, luring innocent boys into your web-" His father's knuckles were white as they gripped the arm rest of his chair.

"I repeat," Arthur cut Balinor off. "You are saying that Merlin can live here as long as he denies who he is and locks himself away in his room every night?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I am saying, and if I see you anywhere near him again, I’ll have you behind bars so fast your feet won’t touch the ground!"

"Go and pack your things, Merlin," Arthur said, standing up and glaring down his nose at Merlin’s father who was shaking in his chair at the effort not to fling himself at Arthur. "You can stay with me until we sort something else out."

Merlin glanced at his mother who was fighting back tears, shocked when she nodded at him. She wanted him to go with Arthur. "Mum?" he managed, his eyes full of tears at her rejection – his father he could cope with – but his Mum as well?

"It's alright, Merlin," she said with a watery smile, her own tears brimming. "I'll call you tonight."

Merlin was incredibly tidy for a teenager. Arthur assumed he was on his best behaviour because he was staying with him. Merlin went to school, came home and did his homework, then they would go out to Camelot, or Sigan’s; or they would stay home and fuck. Two days blended into more than two weeks which

Arthur could see blending into years. That meant commitment, and responsibility, and only ever sleeping with one man forever.

The poisonous tendrils of fear spread through him until he finally snapped.

In the third week when Merlin was spending the evening round at Elena’s working on some revising for their up and coming exams, Arthur went to Sigan’s and picked up the first passable guy he could find and brought him back to his flat. When they arrived home, Merlin was in the kitchen making cheese on toast.

"This is Tauren," Arthur said, leaving the man at the breakfast bar and carrying on through to the bedroom. "Tauren, this is Merlin."

From the bedroom Arthur could hear the two of them making polite small talk. He waited, and called out, "Are you coming in or not?"

Tauren appeared in the doorway, his shirt already half undone. "I intend to be coming very soon," he said, and Arthur suppressed an eye roll at the cheesy line. Arthur lay back on the bed and invited his guest to straddle him. He ignored the open book on the bedside table that Merlin was half way through reading and pulled Tauren down for a kiss.

It was ten minutes before he heard the click of the outer door and knew his mission had been successful. As Tauren lowered himself down onto him, Arthur closed his eyes and let the sensations take away the bitter taste in his mouth at what he had just done.

Merlin could stay here whilst they figured out somewhere else for him to live, just as Arthur had promised, but Arthur belonged to no man.

"What the hell are you playing at, Arthur?" Gwen berated with a high pitched whine that brooked no interruption. Arthur grimaced and held the phone away from his ear. This was the last thing he needed right now; Merlin hadn’t returned last night, and Arthur would deny it to his dying day, but he was worried and feeling more than a little guilty.

"Morning, Gwen. How’s my son today?"

"Drew’s fine, which you would know if you made more of an effort with him – but you can stop changing the subject. I’m talking about Merlin here."

What the heck did Gwen know about Merlin? They’d only met a few times.

"What about him?" Arthur bit out, tamping down his concern. Merlin would have stayed at Elena’s, of course he would, and he would be fine.

"He’s here," Gwen sighed. "Poor kid had nowhere else to go; it’s lucky he has my number. Why did you do that to him?"

Arthur was torn between relief that Merlin was okay and anger that he seemed to have befriended Gwen and Morgana at some point without Arthur noticing. Arthur shuddered at the thought of Gwen’s partner – his half-sister - and once again wondered how on earth that match had come into being. "Do what, Gwen?"

"Bring back some guy like that. I thought it was different with Merlin, and that maybe you were finally settling down, but you’re still the same prick you always were."

"Cheers, Gwen. I love you too." Clearly Merlin had won Gwen over with his goofy smile and inane chatter. Was there anyone who didn’t love him?

"Arthur – Merlin; he cares for you. If you’re not going to let him do that, you need to let him go."

"I-"

"Make up your mind what you’re going to be, Arthur. Then stick to it."

Merlin glared at the hot chocolate Alice had placed in front of him and sipped it despondently. "What am I going to do?" he asked her dejectedly. "I've got no money and no place to go - I'm screwed."

Alice sighed and ruffled Merlin's hair. Over the past couple of weeks she had become almost like a second Mother to him, which meant a lot during a time when his own mother was more or less absent from his life. Yes, Hunith had tried, she kept calling him but Merlin had refused to pick up, resenting her for letting him go so easily. So he let the phone go to voicemail every time and refused to listen to the messages.

"Sweetie, your Mother's been in here looking for you," Alice said soothingly. "She's worried sick."

"She took Dad's side," Merlin said, shaking his head. "He told me I was unnatural and she didn't back me up or try to get me to stay-"

"Hunith is standing by the man she married, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you, Merlin. This has all been a terrible shock for her too you know."

Merlin did know, but that didn’t mean he felt any less hurt by her letting him go so easily. He rubbed his eyes and stared into his drink.

"So if I really can't go back home," not that Merlin wanted to, but he knew he couldn't stay with Gwen and Morgana for more than a couple of nights, "what am I going to do?"

"Well, for a start, the morning shift is going here, you can start tomorrow morning," Alice told him. "That'll sort out some money." Merlin knew he should have thought of getting a job sooner, but when he had been staying at Arthur's he'd been caught up in Arthur's world. Arthur had always paid for the food and for the drinks, and Merlin had buried the feeling of unease, promising himself he'd address it later. He never had, and now he had no choice.

"Okay, thanks Alice," Merlin smiled a wan smile. "I’ll give my Mum a call later."

Alice kissed his forehead. "Gaius!"

Her exhausted looking husband appeared in the kitchen doorway, "What is it now- Oh, hello, Merlin my boy, how are you?" If Alice was being a surrogate Mother, then Gaius was in the father role. He had taken to Merlin immediately, and the two of them discovered a shared passion for literature and a love of creative writing. Gaius wrote short stories for competitions. Last year he had won a week in Iceland. Alice had refused to go, saying it was far too cold for an old codger like him. Leon and Lance had gone instead.

Merlin greeted the old man and listened to Alice tell him that Merlin was their new morning waiter. So that was some work sorted. Now, all he had to do was find somewhere to live. First though, he'd have to go round to Arthur's and fetch his stuff and the thought made him feel sick.

If Arthur had wanted him to move out, why hadn't he just said so? Why did he have to go and pull that stunt? He would have known Merlin would be back at the flat at that time, Merlin had even told him that morning roughly when he would be home. Merlin hated that he hadn’t seen it coming, that he’d thought that because Arthur wasn’t protesting at his continued presence, that because they had sex every day, that he was enough for Arthur. Arthur had dropped enough hints and reiterated that Merlin was not his boyfriend enough times.

That Arthur could be that cruel shouldn't have been a surprise to Merlin, but he guessed that his rose tinted glasses had given him illusions that were not true. Arthur didn't want Merlin in his life, and it was time that Merlin addressed this, no matter how much it would break his heart to sever the ties. The man obviously felt some kind of misplaced duty towards him. Well, no more.

Arthur heard the door open and Merlin's keys clatter on the breakfast bar as he stepped out of the shower. Thank God. Merlin was all he'd thought about these last few days. Was he okay? What was he thinking?

Gwen had told him Merlin hadn't stayed at theirs last night. Who was he with?

Arthur was driving himself crazy with all the bloody questions that were flying around in his head. Stupid, selfish, annoying kid – Arthur had never said he had to leave, he had merely been trying to prove a point and if Merlin chose to get upset by Arthur's behaviour then it was his fault, not Arthur's.

God, even his own thoughts were contradicting each other! Arthur rubbed his hair quickly and wrapped the towel around his waist before stepping out into the bedroom to greet him.

Merlin had his back to him and was levitating his clothing haphazardly into a rucksack. A lump formed in Arthur's throat as he realised Merlin was packing. "What are you doing?" he croaked from the doorway and Merlin froze and did not turn around.

"What does it look like I am doing?" he said in a small voice. "I'm packing."

Arthur knew he should have expected this. "Why?"

"Why the fuck do you think?" Merlin swung round then and the picture from above the bed clattered to the ground making Arthur jump. Merlin ignored it. "You might have just said that you wanted me gone, instead of bringing some bloke back here to fuck right in front of me." He dashed an angry hand over his eyes to catch the tears that were glistening in his eyes.

Arthur took a step forward, "I don't want you to move out until you have somewhere to go." Another step. Merlin watched him warily. "You and me, we're not an item. This is not an exclusive relationship. You can't be the only guy I'm fucking. That's not me. I don't do relationships, I don't do monogamy and until now, I didn't do more than one night with the same guy. I've broken one rule for you, Merlin. I won't break any more."

"Have there been others whilst I've been living here?"

Arthur was many things, but a liar was not one of them. There had been a guy in the backroom at Camelot, another at work, and another guy he'd fucked at the gym. "Yes. A few." He watched Merlin closely, watched his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, the way his shoulders sagged briefly before he seemed to collect himself and straighten up. "You know I'm always safe, you're not at risk."

Merlin flushed and looked away, down at his half packed rucksack. "You don't need me to go yet?"

The flat had been depressingly quiet without Merlin's presence.

Arthur shook his head. "No, you can stay and if something comes up then that's great, but you don't have to go now. You've only got a few weeks left of school before summer, right? After that you'll be going to university so-"

Merlin was had been planning to go to Mercia Uni, which meant he would be leaving town. With broken family relationships and few friends, Arthur doubted that Merlin would be coming back again. That inevitability was something Arthur preferred not to think about. Everything came to an end, good things and bad. It was a good thing that Arthur didn't do relationships and boyfriends, because if he did, if it was Merlin, then he would be left here alone with a broken heart and wounded pride.

It was better this way. It had to be.

"Fine," Merlin said, picking up the rucksack and shoving all of his clothing back into the drawer it had vacated. "I'll sleep in the sofa until I find somewhere."

Once the rucksack was empty Merlin crammed it into the corner of the wardrobe and turned to Arthur again. "I'm out of your hair tonight anyway," he told him. "I'm catching a movie at Gwaine’s. I'll back late back. Keep the bedroom door closed if you've got someone in there, so that I know not to come in."

Then Merlin was gone; to fucking Gwaine's. Arthur bit his lip and picked up the picture that Merlin's magic had knocked down earlier, placed it back on its hook and collapsed on his back on the bed.

Merlin was over at Gwaine’s. Merlin was over at Gwaine’s. Merlin was over at Gwaine’s. Arthur rummaged around in his sock drawer and pulled out his gear; he damned well needed a smoke and he needed it now.

Gwaine took one look at Merlin's face and took him to the pub instead of watching the film. For once, they steered clear of Avalon Street, picking a town centre Wetherspoon’s boasting curry and a pint for £5.99. Gwaine ordered two veggie curries and two pints and found them a booth.

"What has Arthur done now?" he asked, closing his hand over Merlin's. Merlin didn’t pull away. It felt nice to be wanted.

Merlin shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it." He stared down into the froth on the top of his lager and couldn't resist dipping his finger in and sucking it off. He knew he would spill everything to Gwaine; the man had a way about him that made Merlin want to tell him everything - which of course he did before he was even a quarter of the way through his pint.

"You know you can stay at mine," Gwaine offered when Merlin had spewed out the whole sorry story.

"No, I'm okay at Arthur's," Merlin replied, ignoring the flash of disappointment on Gwaine’s face. "I've just lowered my expectations; that's all."

He’d lowered them, packed them into a box marked 'enter at your own peril' and stacked them behind a load of other boxes containing things that needed more imminent attention, like his A-Levels. Merlin wanted four A's, and lately, he'd been out clubbing more that he had been studying. That had to stop. He could study whilst Arthur was out getting his dick sucked by his latest twink from now on, and restrict his own partying to weekends as much as possible.

"You don't have to put up with his shit you know, Merlin," Gwaine said. "I know he’s my friend, but so are you now and-"

"I know," Merlin agreed hastily. Did he ever know? He knew he should take Gwaine up on his offer and that he should get the hell out of Arthur's flat. He should get out of Arthur's life and walk away without ever looking back. He knew it, but he couldn't do it, no matter how many other guys Arthur fucked, or how often. Merlin was still the one who'd gotten past the ‘one night only' rule, he was the one who got to sleep in Arthur's bed and wake up with him - when he wasn't sleeping on the sofa that was - he was the one who was in love with the fucking arsehole.

Arthur would never admit it, Merlin knew that, but he needed Merlin.

Arthur had been right, he had made Merlin no promises, he hadn't cheated on him, and Merlin knew that Arthur did have some feelings for him, otherwise why would he still keep him around? They had great sex; fantastic sex. He may have been Merlin's first, and so far Merlin's only-

That was it. That was the answer. Merlin had to get out there, go and meet some other guys and fuck someone else; maybe this wasn’t love, maybe this was just obsession. Merlin had nothing to compare it to. He knew no better and he was going to go and find himself someone else to fuck. Hopefully he could break Arthur's hold over him. Please, god let it break Arthur's hold over him.

Merlin eyed Gwaine from beneath his lashes and contemplated him for a moment. Gwaine was up there amongst the likes of Brad Pitt and Hugh Jackman for hunky good looks. Merlin knew he’d have a great body; but – Gwaine had become his friend. Merlin needed as many of those as he could get at the moment.

No, when he and Gwaine left here and went their separate ways, Merlin would double back up to Avalon Street and find himself someone else.

He needed this. He wanted it.

Arthur dropped his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. The guy on his knees with Arthur's cock in his mouth was very creative with his tongue, and this was exactly what Arthur needed at this moment in time; a talented tongue and soft blond hair to run his hands through as he built his way up to a, hopefully, powerful orgasm.

It wasn't often that Arthur visited here. This ‘gym’, this place, was a front for what could only really be described as a permanent orgy. Somewhere guys like him came to get their rocks off. If Arthur wanted to take part in a threesome or a moresome then this was the place for him, or if he just wanted this - insta-orgasm - in his lunch break then he could have it. God, but today he needed it.

Anything that could take his mind off Merlin, that could stop Arthur from thinking about him, and how he'd looked when he'd come home the other night all rumpled and quite clearly, all fucked out. If Arthur had thought he knew what jealousy was before, then seeing Merlin like that, as a result of time spent with someone else and not with Arthur - Arthur did not like it one bit. Even if it was what he told himself he wanted for Merlin; for the kid to get a taste of other people and to stop looking at Arthur like he was the one, because he wasn't. Arthur wasn't anybody's the one.

Arthur didn’t speak to Gwaine for three days before he realised, from overhearing Gwaine talking to Lance, that it hadn't been Gwaine who had made Merlin look like that. Gwaine clearly didn't even know that Merlin had left him that night and picked someone else up. Arthur didn't know what was worse - Merlin being fucked by Gwaine, or by some other faceless stranger.

The tongue on his dick swirled over the sensitive spot under the head, and despite the fact that Arthur was fucking thinking about Merlin when he should only really be concentrating on the sensations to hand; Arthur gasped and tightened his grip in the curls his hands were currently threaded into. The warm mouth opened up and engulfed Arthur down to the root, and brown eyes looked up at him, dilated and challenging as he began to bob his head up and down on Arthur's prick, fucking his mouth over it greedily. Arthur read the cue and curled his fingers into the hair tighter still, holding the guy still as he fucked his mouth. Yes, this was what it was all about, this was what he needed. Blond guy was pumping his own cock furiously in time with Arthur's thrusts, and for those couple of minutes, as his orgasm built and the sensations started to feed their way up from his toes to his dick, in those moments before coming, Arthur managed to not think of Merlin and stay just in the here and now.

He came with a shout down blondie's throat and his knees nearly gave way beneath him. Fuck, he'd needed that; needed those minutes of nothing but sensation. The man before him got to his feet, winked at Arthur and strode away.

Arthur tucked his cock back into his suit and left.

Merlin cooked him dinner that night; a school night. He talked, the way only Merlin could, his natural talent with words always able to keep Arthur enthralled. When Arthur realised his heart was beating faster and he was unusually contented just to sit there and listen to Merlin, he finally admitted to himself that Merlin was more to him that simply being his live-in twink. What that more was, Arthur didn't know. He only knew that it scared the fuck out of him.

"...and then Elena said- Arthur, what's wrong?" Merlin stopped what he was saying when he saw that Arthur's attention had drifted.

Arthur blinked, surprised that Merlin could pick up on his mood in this way; he’d thought he was pretty decent at keeping how he was really feeling behind a lock and key. "Nothing," he said, his eyes fixed on the pout of Merlin's lips and the pink tongue that snaked out and licked off a stray sesame seed from the stir fry. "Do you want to go to Camelot?"

Merlin shook his head and pointed at a pile of books on the desk in the corner. "No, I've got to write 1,500 words on Lady Chatterley's Lover for tomorrow. I've been putting it off too long."

Arthur had expected the answer. "I guess I'll see you later then, yeah?" He stood and pushed back his chair. "Sleep in the bed tonight though, Merlin?" Merlin had been on the sofa all week and Arthur missed him. Not that he would ever tell Merlin that.

Merlin's face split into a beaming grin and Arthur's heart stuttered. Fuck.

Merlin's first couple of weeks waiting tables at Avalon Cafe had proved interesting. He'd only dropped four plates and totalled one glass; and it was only that many because he couldn’t do magic when people were watching. Well, there was that one customer that Merlin had spilt lemonade all over, but that hadn't ended too badly when the customer in question had accepted Merlin's offer to help him dry his trousers, and Merlin had in turn accepted his offer of a quickie in the café’s loos.

It was never the same, or as good, as it was with Arthur; but now that Merlin tried it once with someone else, he'd lost that particular inhibition. If Arthur could fuck around, then Merlin could too. It didn't stop him and Arthur from being all over each other when they were at home, or it being Arthur that Merlin wanked over in the shower if Arthur wasn’t in there with him.

Merlin didn't know when he had started to think of Arthur's flat as home and Arthur's bed as 'theirs'? Merlin wished it was true, that Arthur was really his and that Arthur's flat was his home. The truth was, Merlin knew he was living there on borrowed time.

When Arthur had to go to Northumberland for a conference meeting with an overnight stay and Merlin slept his first whole night alone without him in the flat. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Arthur would have picked someone up so he didn’t have to spend the evening alone. He couldn't help himself.

Merlin invited Gwaine and Elena over to watch a movie and keep him company. Although, it did feel as though Merlin was watching the movie and Gwaine was watching Merlin. Merlin pretended not to notice. He decided that if he didn't acknowledge it then it wasn't happening. Gwaine was a good friend, nothing more.

Without Arthur there, Merlin had woken late the following morning and had to rush out to make it to work in time. From work it was straight to school, then the library for a couple of hours as he'd found it was easier to study there without half naked Arthurs in his peripheral trying to distract him; even with Arthur away, he stuck to the habit. When he went home he felt tired and contented. Despite everything, where Arthur was had become home; not the flat – just Arthur.

When he let himself into the flat his stomach turned to lead at the sight he was confronted with: the place had been ransacked. The TV, Arthur's computer, the art, the stereo - all gone - and the rest the flat's contents were strewn haphazardly around the living area.

"Merlin, is that you?" Arthur strode out of the bedroom, his face pale. "They've taken everything!"

Merlin closed the gap and wrapped his arms around Arthur and for a moment, Arthur sank into him, taking the comfort offered. He smelt of sandalwood, coffee and pure Arthur. Merlin stifled a contented sigh, as the circumstances did not really lean towards contentment.

Arthur froze and shoved Merlin backwards, his face twisting into a sneer. "Merlin, tell me you locked the door."

Shit. Shit. Had he? He'd been in a real hurry that morning, and he couldn't remember if he had locked it or not. The lock was one of those that required a complicated number of turns before it would click into place and- Fuck. Merlin's keys were in the pocket of the jeans he'd worn last night - so no; he hadn't locked the fucking door.

The answer must have been written all over his face as Arthur's expression turned thunderous. "That's it," he spat, glaring at Merlin with fury. "Pack your shit, if you can find anything that's not been stolen, and get the fuck out of my flat."

Merlin stepped back, his heart clenching painfully as his head span. "Arthur, I'm sorry-"

"I don't care how sorry you are. Get your stuff. Get out of here. Get out of my life. I'm done with you anyway; you're dragging me down," he shoved Merlin in the chest and Merlin stumbled backwards, luckily finding purchase on the breakfast bar behind him. He felt his eyes well with tears and silently prayed they wouldn't fall.

Blankly, Merlin glanced around him, wondering where to start. Oh god, was this it? Was this the end?

"Why are you still standing there?" Arthur accused and walked into the bedroom, coming back with Merlin's backpack. He threw it at Merlin's feet, causing Merlin to jump backwards to avoid it landing on his toes. "I'm taking a shower. When I come out, you'd better be gone."

It has only been three weeks since Arthur had found Merlin packing to leave the last time; this time Merlin had a feeling that Arthur wouldn’t be hunting him down and asking him to stay.

"Of course you can stay here for a couple of nights, Merlin," Gwen said kindly when Merlin appeared at her front door with a crestfallen expression and a backpack containing his life. He’d been going to ask Elena, but she had family staying. "That's okay, right Morgana?"

Morgana, the tall slender brunette who shared a father with Arthur and scared the shit out of Merlin, surprised him when she said, "Of course you can stay, Merlin. I won't hold your poor judge of character against you. Besides, Drew loves you."

Merlin managed a smile. He'd babysat a few times now and was utterly enamoured with the baby; and he wouldn't hold it against Drew that he reminded him of Arthur. Despite his mixed race parentage, Drew had managed to inherit Arthur's blond hair and his eyes. His hair curled like Gwen’s. Drew loved it when Merlin used his magic to entertain him, making things float for him, even making Drew float - something he loved more than anything else.

He’d had some explaining to do when Gwen and Morgana came back and found him suspending Drew mid-air – but unexpectedly, they didn’t grab the baby and run screaming from the room. It transpired that Morgana had some magical ability and prophetic dreams to the extent that she worked as a consultant to the Police on occasion and was on the Magical Registry.

This time she said, "I saw you have this argument, last night, in my dream. My brother is an idiot; and he’s already regretting telling you to go."

Merlin had a hard time believing that. Arthur wanted him out of his life, but Merlin didn't know if he could remove himself from the lives of the friends he had made whilst he had known with Arthur. Lance. Gwaine. Gwen. Drew. Yet how could he maintain these friendships and still remain on the periphery of Arthur's life? He didn't know that he could. He hadn’t known these people that long but already they were a part of his life that he didn’t want to give up.

When he said as much to Morgana - someone he felt less attached to but who he knew would give him an honest answer - she said that Merlin would be missed, and that if Arthur had a problem with Merlin's presence then he would just have to lump it. Merlin knew she was right, but it didn't help. It didn't help at all.

Arthur didn't slip back into a good mood for the next few days that followed the burglary; he didn’t even come close to a smile. The police came round and berated him for leaving the door unlocked and the insurance refused to pay up for the same reason. Merlin had a lot to answer for.

At least the robbery had done one good thing, it had helped Arthur realise that he couldn't go on as he was and that Merlin had to go. Where he had gone Arthur absolutely did not care. The kid wasn't his responsibility, he was nothing to Arthur. He was just a fuck that had vastly outstayed his welcome.

He had to weather Gwaine's ranting about what a wanker Arthur was for treating Merlin like that, and suffer Lance's diplomatic mediation between Arthur and Gwaine. Even Leon, who had started out being protective of Arthur about Merlin had switched that protectiveness to Merlin. Then, when Gwen got in on the act and turned up at the cafe to tell Arthur exactly how much she disapproved, Arthur had left in a strop and picked up two guys for a threesome and taken them home and fucked Merlin right out of his head.

Fucking Merlin.

It was five days after Merlin’s departure when Gwaine's ranting about Arthur turned to worry that no one had seen Merlin at all. He had stayed one night at Gwen and Morgana's and apparently thanked them and said he was going home to see if his parents would have him back. Gwaine had had Alice ring Merlin's Mum, and Merlin hadn't been seen, and now, Hunith was sick with worry.

Arthur wasn't worried, Merlin wasn't stupid, and he was sure he’d have found somewhere safe to stay. Nevertheless, Arthur began to feel guilty. He'd thrown Merlin out without a care as to where he would go. He'd been so angry; and Merlin was always there, in Arthur’s space, making Arthur feel, making him vulnerable. It had been time for him to go, and the burglary had given him that excuse.

No, Arthur wasn’t worried about Merlin, even if everyone else was. He called round Gwen's and sat for three hours in her living room, Drew in his arms for most part, talking about anything and everything other than Merlin.

If he admitted to himself that he was worried, he was admitting that he cared, and if he did that-

Gwen was no fool. "He'll be back," she said after an hour of Arthur's complaints about his father, about Morgana, about everyone but Merlin whom he did not mention even once.

"Who will?" Arthur tried to sound innocent, as if he’d ever been able to get one over on Gwen. She’d been his friend almost as long as Leon had.

"Don't be such a dick, Arthur," said Morgana as she appeared in the doorway behind Arthur. "Oh wait, that's what you do best."

"Fuck off," Arthur replied, tensing at the other woman's presence. It still stuck in his throat that his half-sister was his son's 'other mother' - yet, he had agreed to father a child with Gwen, and Gwen had been with Morgana for nearly seven years. Arthur should have gotten used to this by now.

"You don't deserve him you know," Morgana continued, coming to perch on the edge of the sofa next to Gwen to offer Arthur her coldest stare. "A kid like Merlin deserves someone who'll give him the love he needs. We all know that will never be you, you're not capable. Our dearest father made sure of that."

The sad thing was, Arthur knew she was right – he was a fucking cliché – the rich kid with the serial monogamist daddy issues. It would never be him who could give Merlin what he needed. Morgana wasn't right on every count though; it wasn't that he couldn't. It was that he wouldn't. He wasn’t capable of commitment; what was the point? People committed to each other every day, full of hope and false promises of forever – it never lasted. It had taken him until his fourth step-mother to work this out, and it was a lesson he had never forgotten.

Merlin's eighteenth birthday was spent in Paris with his friend Gilli, who had grown into an extremely tall and very good looking eighteen year-old man. Gilli took Merlin to the local bar and they spent the first half of evening holed away together, talking about their internet community and the things that had happened to them in the years since they had last seen one another. The old awkward nervousness that had surrounded their youthful interactions was long gone, and they fell into an easy friendship.

The whole time Merlin was hyper aware that the hotel he had been staying in for the last few nights had been funded by Arthur's credit card. Merlin had liberated it before he'd left Arthur's flat, when Arthur had been in the shower waiting for Merlin to leave. The theft was a spur of the moment thing, and he hadn't exactly intended to use it, but when he'd been at Gwen's that night and using her broadband to talk to Gilli and bemoan how shit his life was to someone he knew was guaranteed to offer sympathy; someone who did not know Arthur - well, how else was he going to fund this excursion to Paris? He needed to get away from Albion for a while, away from everyone and everything and where better to do that than another country?

Gilli's boyfriend, Michael, joined them later, and Merlin was pleased that he took an instant liking towards him - there had been the worry in the back of his mind that there could be some animosity there. After all, however brief it had been, he and Gilli had had a 'thing' and now here Merlin was, visiting him when he needed some solace from the recent events of his life.

The burglary had given Arthur the perfect excuse to boot Merlin out of his life. After all, Merlin had been cramping his style, living in his shag pad as he had been. Not that Arthur cared about bringing men back when Merlin was in residence, but he hadn't actually done that since the first time, but he must want to. Merlin couldn't blame Arthur for being upset about the robbery and Merlin's hand in it, but to throw him out? Of course it was about more than just the burglary. Arthur had seen his chance and he had gone for it.

When, after a couple of hours with Gilli and Michael, Michael had hinted that Merlin should come back to his place with Gilli and the three of them could enjoy some 'birthday fun', Merlin did not need asking twice. It was just what he needed. It wasn't healthy to think about Arthur like this all the time, he needed to get past this obsession, for that was all it was, and living with Arthur wasn't the way to do that - so really, Arthur had done him a favour.

"Why don't the two of you come back to my hotel room?" Merlin had booked himself into the most expensive hotel he could find. There were sunken baths with gold taps, and the room boasted a Jacuzzi. He had visions of the three of them in there; his brain playing out the scene like a porno. When Gilli and Michael said 'yes', Merlin settled the bill - with Arthur's card - and the three of them walked the short distance from the bar to the hotel in a comfortable anticipation.

Once inside the room, when the other two had stopped their amazed gawping at its opulence, clothes began to hit the floor as the three of them hurriedly undressed. Merlin felt good. He was desirable to others; he could cope just fine without Arthur. He could be whoever and whatever he wanted.

When someone knocked at the door, Merlin ignored it. He was in a hotel room with two naked and very aroused French blokes, and no hotel aficionado was going to interrupt this. Gilli came up behind him, nuzzling his neck, and Michael pressed himself into Merlin's front, his cock bobbing against Merlin's as he pulled him in close and paid attention to the other side of Merlin's neck.

They didn't hear the door open; their first clue that they were no longer three was Michael being yanked backwards and stumbling to the floor. Merlin's eyes flew open, "Arthur!"

Arthur was furious; his blue eyes chips of ice. "You two, get your clothes and get out of here now!"

"Arthur what-?" Merlin stammered. "You can't just barge in here and boss my friends around!"

"Oh I can, Merlin, seeing as I'm paying for this room – and for your whole little holiday it would appear! Or would you prefer I called the Gendarmerie and had you arrested for credit card fraud?"

Merlin grabbed a robe off the back of the sofa where he’d discarded it earlier and pulled it on. This party was clearly over.

"Who's this, Merlin?" Michael asked, wiping blood off his lower lip and glaring at Arthur.

"This is Arthur," Merlin replied through gritted teeth. "I’m sorry but, I think it best you do as he says."

Gilli and Michael got dressed under Arthur’s simmering scrutiny and Merlin walked them to the door, apologising. "It’s complicated," he said by way of an explanation. To Gilli he added, "I’ll speak to you soon?"

Gilli hugged him close and whispered, "Don’t let him push you around, okay?"

Merlin closed the door behind them both and turned to glare Arthur, "What the hell are you playing at?" He didn’t care that he was in the wrong here, the room being both in Arthur’s name and paid for with Arthur’s money. It wasn’t as though he couldn’t afford it.

"What am I playing at?" Arthur pretended to ponder the question. "I don’t know – how about you disappear and don’t tell anyone where you’re going? That everyone is worried sick about you? Your mother’s on the verge of calling the police and reporting you missing." He pushed his hand into his pocket and pulled out his iPhone and thrust it at Merlin.

Merlin took it with a guilty sigh and punched in his Mum’s number. "Mum, it’s me."

"Merlin, where on earth are you? Are you alright?" Merlin felt guilty at the relieved tone of her voice.

"Mum, I’m fine – Arthur’s found me. I’ll explain when I get back okay?"

"Merlin-"

"Mum, I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll call you the moment I get back to England."

"Back to England? Merlin, where are you?"

Merlin pressed ‘End call’ and shoved the phone back to Arthur. "Happy now?"

Arthur dropped the phone onto the sofa and simply stood regarding Merlin with folded arms. It was a competition to see who would look away first. Several long moments passed before Arthur spoke. "You stole my credit card," he said flatly, crossing his arms in front of his chest with a pout.

"I’ll pay you back," Merlin replied, refusing to break eye contact.

"Too right you will." Arthur’s blue eyes drilled into Merlin. Merlin was in his tractor beam again, gradually slipping closer until he was almost level with Arthur.

"Were you worried about me, Arthur?" he whispered when they were almost toe to toe.

"No," Arthur said, but that was the moment he broke eye contact. Merlin didn’t believe him, Arthur was a terrible liar.

"You were," Merlin grinned, the misery of the last few days falling away. "Arthur Pendragon, you missed me."

Arthur emitted a low growl from the back of his throat and twisted his fist in the fabric of Merlin’s robe, yanking him forward and crashing their mouths together.

Merlin had his answer, and a primal power coursed through him. He tied his tongue with Arthur’s, slowly manoeuvring him backwards until his knees hit the bed and Arthur fell backwards. Merlin went with him, straddling Arthur’s thighs as he shrugged out of his robe and let it fall to the floor behind him.

Arthur had never been so angry. Angry at Merlin for taking and using his credit card, angry because Merlin had just bloody disappeared off the face of the earth, and if his bank hadn’t called him about a ‘suspicious’ transaction it would have been weeks before he had noticed his card was missing as he rarely used it and thus he might not be here now, Merlin astride him; naked and hard.

If he was honest with himself – and Arthur rarely was - he would admit that the real anger did not come from Merlin taking the card – the money was a drop in the ocean for him, he wouldn’t miss it. It wasn’t Merlin worrying his friends and family – and, yes, Arthur - with his disappearing act. It was finding Merlin sandwiched between two gorgeous young things. Even now, Arthur couldn’t be sure that Merlin was hard for him and not for the two departed French men.

Arthur wrapped a possessive hand around Merlin’s erection to remind him who he was with now. Merlin gasped and bucked up into his touch. "I think it's time you lost your other virginity," Arthur whispered and scooted back on the bed. "I want you to fuck me."

Merlin's eyes widened, not even bothering to tease Arthur that maybe he had already lost it to someone else; he hadn’t. "I suppose it is my birthday," he said quietly. "Okay."

Arthur undid his belt and zip and shucked out of his jeans and Merlin helped him out of his t-shirt. "How do you want me?"

Merlin bent his head and took Arthur's cock head into his mouth, teasing him softly, and Arthur mused to himself how much he had improved since their first time together. Merlin slid a nervous finger between Arthur's thighs and cheeks and circled his hole. Arthur groaned. "On your knees," Merlin ordered and Arthur obeyed, watching in wonder as the lube and a condom came floating out of Merlin's bag and into his outstretched hand.

Kneeling behind Arthur, Merlin slicked up his fingers and tentatively began to explore Arthur's entrance, breaching it gently with one finger. It was all Arthur could do not to push back. He hoped Merlin would use his tongue, but he wasn't going to ask for it. He wanted Merlin to learn what he liked for himself. He could hear Merlin's breathing, heavy and slow, feel his breath on his buttocks as he covered him in butterfly kisses and muttered something that sounded like his name. Then the finger was back, tracing his entrance, Merlin's other hand was there, parting his cheeks and yes, a warm wet tongue curiously replaced the finger and Arthur grunted in pleasure.

Merlin was a fast learner, responding to Arthur's moans and repeating the last motion if the response was a positive one. Arthur thought he could come just from this and he wanted to savour it, to stop the flow from erupting because he wanted to come with Merlin inside him.

As if sensing Arthur's thoughts, Merlin pulled back and Arthur felt a finger exploring him again, curling experimentally, and at first uncomfortably until Merlin found what he was looking for and Arthur couldn't help the release of demands that spilled forth from his lips, "Merlin, please, fuck me. Please. I need you."

"Bossy prat," Merlin laughed breathlessly, and he added another finger. Arthur pushed back then, hinting at Merlin to hurry.

"Come on, I’m ready," he said after another few minutes. He wanted Merlin in him, sooner rather than later. He heard Merlin ripping open the condom packet and fumbling with it. Arthur dropped his head down onto the bed, "Merlin…"

He felt the head of Merlin’s cock breach him, one of Merlin’s hands rubbing soothing circles in the small of his back as he pushed slowly inside. After that it all became a blur, the slow drag of Merlin’s cock on his insides, the feeling of Merlin leaning over him, of his hands covering Arthur’s, Merlin nibbling his neck. It was slow at first, sweet and hot. "More," Arthur breathed. "Merlin, I need more."

Merlin obeyed, his breath hot on Arthur’s ear as he muttered nonsense to him, peppered with the occasional ‘god’. Slow and sweet became hard and fast and soon Arthur was coming, hard. Merlin followed a couple of minutes afterwards, pulling out of Arthur and collapsing on his back next to him.

Arthur turned over and pulled Merlin close. "I’m gonna steal your credit card more often if that’s my punishment," Merlin said. "Bloody hell, Arthur; we’re doing that again, yeah?"

Arthur was sure of it, but he didn’t say so. Instead he said, "When you come home, Merlin – new rules. No kissing anyone else, and never the same person twice."

The ‘same person twice rule’ always applied to Arthur, except with Merlin. Merlin was a blip; Arthur couldn’t explain it and he’d missed Merlin enough these last few days not to want to try. He wanted to be sure that Merlin knew this too. The kissing rule was new. Fucking was one thing, kissing meant something else entirely.

Arthur didn’t know why, but the thought of Merlin kissing someone else was not acceptable. Kissing someone else was cheating.

Merlin was the closest Arthur had ever come to a monogamous relationship.

Merlin went back to Albion with Arthur, and moved back into the flat. The agreement was that he would stay until he went to uni in September and the arrangement worked well. School was over now, all bar the actual exams which were starting next week. Merlin and Elena were going to the Prom together, despite Merlin’s mutterings about it being an stupid American tradition that had wangled its way into British society where it had no place and Elena insisted on Merlin going with her to shop for a dress.

"I wish you would stay here and go to Albion Uni instead of Mercia," she said as she paraded in front of Merlin in what had to be the tenth dress of the day. Merlin would have been bored stupid had it been anyone other than Elena trying on the clothes. She was a pretty girl, but she had no grace and no matter what the dress, she always managed to trip over the hem, or fall over on her heels, or knock her hair out its ponytail.

Merlin had been thinking the same thing about the universities himself. Albion had offered him a place, but he had swayed towards Mercia, prompted by his desire to get away from Albion, to live the life of the person he wanted to be; but since that night, since meeting Arthur, he was out and he was proud and he no longer had to hide. The course co-ordinator from Albion had made it clear that if Merlin changed his mind then a place was his. He didn’t need to run away to Mercia or anywhere else. He could stay right here, with his new friends, his Mum and his surrogate family. He knew they would all welcome his sticking around. Apart from Arthur.

All of his and Arthur’s plans were based on Merlin’s leaving in September. It was as though Arthur had set himself a schedule that said Merlin could live with him now because in a few months he would be going anyway, so their relationship was time limited. There was no mention of Arthur ever visiting Merlin when he did go to Mercia or Merlin coming to Arthur. Everything ended in September.

If Merlin stayed, he couldn’t expect Arthur to keep him around.

"I’m tempted to stay," he told Elena now, thinking he would worry about Arthur later. "We could get a place together?"

"I won’t lie and pretend that wasn’t part of my motivation in asking," Elena said with a happy grin. "My Dad says we can have one of the flats that he lets out for free near uni. He likes you, he won’t ask for any rent."

Elena’s Dad was one of those people that they make TV shows about on Channels Four and Five, someone who buys run down houses and either sells them on or rents them out. Merlin doubted he’d miss the income from one flat. Free rent was a definite deal clincher.

"Well, if you put it like that, I’ll withdraw my place at Mercia and stay here," he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders that he hadn’t even realised was weighing him down. "Just – let’s keep this to ourselves for now, I need to find the right time to tell Arthur."

"Excellent. I do believe you just made my week." Elena beamed and then adjusted her bra strap and looked at Merlin expectantly, standing up straight and sticking her boobs out. "What do you think?"

Merlin thought this dress was just as lovely as all the others, although the colour – red – did really suit Elena’s colouring. "I think this is the one," he said. "They’ll be dropping at your feet."

"I only want one," Elena sighed. Elyan hadn’t shown any interest in Elena to date, but that could be because every time Elena was near him she turned bright red, got all flustered and inevitably tripped over something.

"Well, if he doesn’t notice you in that dress, then he’s clearly a fool and not worth the time," Merlin said. "Now let’s go and pay for the dress and get something to eat, I’m famished."

That night, after grabbing a pizza with Elena and spending ten minutes in the menswear shop ordering his rent-a-tux, Merlin went home to Arthur’s and took a long shower, using the time to think about why he was so nervous about telling Arthur he was going to stay in Albion after all. It wasn’t even like he planned to stay living with Arthur when September came.

When he’d finished in the shower, he heard voices outside in the living area. Walking out with just a towel around his narrow hips he found Arthur and two guys he’d never met before standing at the kitchen breakfast bar each holding a beer and appraising him as he entered.

"Ah, there you are, Merlin," Arthur said at Merlin’s confused glance. "Because you didn’t tell me it was your birthday the other day I didn’t have chance to get you a gift."

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"I’m making up for that now," he said, gesturing at the two men. "Meet Guy and Simon. They’re your birthday present."

Before Merlin could object, Guy reached out and pulled Merlin’s towel off his hips and flung it to the floor. Simon stepped forward and dropped to his knees at Merlin’s feet, taking hold of his cock and teasing it instantly to hardness. Merlin gasped in shock and looked at Arthur. Arthur was mesmerised by the sight of Merlin’s cock being licked so reverently by another man.

Arthur raised his eyes to Merlin’s and said, "Happy birthday."

"Thank you for bringing Merlin back to us," Alice said a few days later as Arthur sat at their usual table in the café staring down into his empty cup of coffee which Alice refilled as she talked. They both turned to watch Merlin standing at a table a few metres away taking an order and laughing with the customers. "I’ve grown more than fond of that kid."

Arthur stared at Merlin for a few more seconds before turning back to Alice and saying, "I don’t think he was planning on never coming back."

Alice shrugged, "Either way, thank you." She ruffled Arthur’s hair – the only person who had ever dared and could even start to get away with such behaviour. "You really love that kid don’t you?"

"I don’t love him," Arthur replied immediately, something clawing in his chest at the notion. "He’s fun, he makes me laugh and I like the way he tastes. That’s not love."

Alice sat down opposite and fixed him with ‘the look’. "Arthur, I’ve known you all your life. I practically raised you. You love Merlin, even if you won’t admit it to yourself. He’s got under there." She pinched the skin on the back of his hand and Arthur flinched. "Deny it all you want, Arthur. That kid adores you, and he’s playing things your way because of that - for now at least. Deep down though, Arthur, that’s not what he wants."

"Have you finished telling my fortune, oh wise one?" Arthur huffed, trying not to show how her words had affected him. No one got under Arthur Pendragon’s skin, no one. "Merlin’s leaving in September anyway."

Her face became serious. "Arthur, I love you, but you’re a bloody fool. You’ll lose him if you don’t tell him how you feel; Merlin just wants you to ask him to stay. If he goes, this time he won’t come back, then where will you be?" She closed a hand over his, stopping his nervous twisting of his ring. "Has he told you it’s his prom tomorrow night? He’s going with Elena, but only because he knew what you would say if he asked you. If you can’t tell him, Arthur, at least try showing him."

Alice stood up and kissed his forehead. Arthur closed his eyes. Tell him, show him. Why was everyone always saying stuff like that? When he opened his eyes his gaze clashed immediately with Merlin’s as he stood behind the counter staring at Arthur almost trance-like. They kept their eyes locked until a customer interrupted Merlin and Arthur broke free. Alice’s words reverberated through his skull: You love Merlin, even if you won’t admit it to yourself.

Arthur thought back to the other night, when he’d given Merlin his birthday present, his only participation had been to watch. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off Merlin’s face, fascinated by the expressions that chased their way over his porcelain pale skin as he was first brought to orgasm by two tongues, and later, when one of the two rode him as the other pleasured himself, spilling all over Merlin’s chest. The uneasy knot of tension at the vista Merlin presented for him with these other men didn’t mean anything; they were Arthur’s gift to Merlin and he’d wanted Merlin to enjoy them.

When it was over, the two left and Arthur washed Merlin clean in the shower, slowly, tracing every crease and crevice of his lithe body with the sponge, washing his hair as Merlin leant back against him. Merlin had said, "Thank you for my gift, Arthur," and he had turned in Arthur’s arms and dropped his forehead against his, "for future reference though; I would have been happy with a pizza and a movie."

Arthur had been left feeling that he’d made a very big mistake.

"I feel like an utter twat," Merlin complained as Elena straightened his bow tie and turned around to check out his backside in the mirror. "Stupid American-"

"Blah blah blah," Elena interrupted. "I think I'm perfectly aware of just how disgusting and wrong you think proms are, along with trick or treating and cheerleading. Now, get over it and come here and tell me how wonderful I look."

She walked over to her full length mirror and twirled. Merlin stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and propped his chin on her shoulder. "You look a million dollars!"

"Right," she pouted. "So you hate it when we adopt American tradition, but then you tell me I look 'a million dollars'?"

Merlin held up his hands. "I meant Canadian dollars." He winked at her in the mirror. "So, what time does the chauffeur leave?" By chauffeur he meant Elena’s Dad who was giving them a lift in his Aston Martin DB9; he wasn’t short of a bob or two and not afraid to make a grand gesture or two for his daughter’s sake.

"Whenever we’re ready," she said. She took a deep breath and leant back into Merlin. "Wow. This is really it. No more school. From here on in it’s the real world for us."

Merlin felt as though the ‘real world’ had come crashing down on him a good while ago now; back when his father kicked him out and beat up his- Beat up Arthur. Elena had fared better.

"It’s a new beginning," he said. For him moving in with Elena was an ending for him too. He didn’t want to move out of Arthur’s: dubious rent-boy birthday presents aside, he was settled there. He forced a smile for Elena’s sake and tried not to think about how he still hadn’t told Arthur he was sticking around. "Come on; let’s get this show on the road."

"Eww, Elyan’s here with Vivian Monroe."

"Yeah, but only because Cedric dumped her two days ago; I heard Elyan was coming stag until she railroaded him. I wouldn’t worry about her." Merlin held out a hand to Elena and winked. "May I have this dance?"

Elena beamed and diverted her attention away from Elyan Smith. "Why, thank you kind sir," she took his hand and Merlin span her onto the dance floor.

As they danced he wondered where Arthur was tonight. He hadn’t seen him all day; he’d been out before Merlin this morning and Merlin had gone straight to Elena’s after his last exam today. He didn’t like it when a whole day passed and he didn’t as much as see him.

Had it really only been three months since he’d met Arthur Pendragon? He could barely remember what his life had been like before.

The musical theme for the prom was the eighties; hence their first dance was to Madonna’s ‘Get Into the Groove’. Merlin loved to dance, and since his first night in Camelot, his dancing technique had improved. Even Elena had an unusual grace on the dance floor from years of childhood dance lessons.

They danced until they were breathless, finally giving in and going in search of refreshments, laughing, their hands woven together.

Arthur was standing near the bar talking to Elyan Smith. Elena and Merlin almost skidded to a halt in front of them, Merlin’s jaw nearly dropping to the floor.

"Arthur, what are you doing here?" Merlin managed. He glanced at Elena who was staring at Elyan with bug eyes before she glanced at Merlin and forced a smile.

"I’m here for the last dance," Arthur held an arm out for Merlin and Merlin fitted into his embrace with ease. "They didn’t have proms when I was at school, just end of term discos, but I understand that the last dance will be slow and romantic."

"So, you know Elyan?" Merlin said, reminding Arthur that he had been talking to someone when they arrived. Arthur was at his prom. Arthur had come to his prom.

Arthur looked surprised that Merlin didn’t know this. "Elyan is Gwen’s baby brother," he explained. "And Drew’s uncle."

"Oh," Merlin said, smiling at Elyan. He knew the other boy as a passing acquaintance, but he was one of the more popular kids and Merlin and Elena tended to live in their own bubble made for two. "Elyan, do you know Elena?"

Merlin propelled Elena forwards and she blushed beet red. "I’ve seen you around. I, er, thought that you two were a couple. Most people do." He coughed and glanced at Arthur whose smirk showed his amusement at that concept. "Elena, would you care to dance?"

Elena giggled and followed Elyan back onto the dance floor. "Nicely done," Arthur commented to Merlin. "If I’d known she had a thing for him before I could have engineered a meeting sooner."

"Hm," Merlin was too busy admiring Arthur in a tuxedo to much care what he was saying. "You’re at my prom."

"I knew you were quick, Merlin," Arthur mocked. "But tonight, you’re razor sharp."

"Prat," Merlin leant into Arthur and whispered. "I have this fantasy about the English classroom and…"

Arthur grabbed Merlin’s arm, "Lead the way."

When they made it back from the classroom, Merlin knew it had to look obvious what he had been doing, and who he had been doing it with, and that he had most likely just outed himself to the entire school, but after today, he never had to come back to South Albion High School ever again. The slow dances were playing, and Arthur held out a hand and led Merlin onto the dance floor. Together they swayed to ‘Careless Whisper’, Merlin’s head on Arthur’s shoulder.

In that moment he’d never felt happier. Arthur was at his prom. Arthur Pendragon, who would never admit that he ever did anything for anyone else; a man who prided himself on seemingly not giving a fuck had done something for Merlin.

Merlin smirked when he caught sight of Elena wrapped in Elyan’s arms as a scowling Vivian watched with folded arms and a frown on the side-lines. Elena, Elyan and Vivian seemed to be the only people not gawping at him and Arthur. Throwing caution to the wind, Merlin pressed his lips to Arthur’s. Let them all stare and whisper. Merlin was proud to be there with Arthur’s arms around him.

"Take me home," he whispered into Arthur’s neck as the music petered out. He caught Elena’s eye and managed to ascertain that she would be fine if he left. Arthur nodded and led Merlin by the hand outside to the car park. The other students, still watching them intently, parted like the Dead Sea as they passed by and Merlin tightened his hand around Arthur’s. Surprisingly no one said anything, and Merlin had to wonder if he’d underestimated them all before now. They seemed curious rather than hostile.

Merlin fell silent in the car on the way home, the finality of it all hitting him – not so much the end of school – he’d left that place emotionally months before, but for what was to come; moving in with Elena, uni; his future career. All of which took him away from Arthur.

They undressed each other slowly, Arthur removing Merlin’s clothes and folding them as he went, placing them neatly on the arm chair in the corner of the bedroom. He kissed Merlin’s forehead and they both slipped under the covers of the bed, Merlin wrapped in the crook of Arthur’s arm as they lay there silently until Merlin said, "Thank you for coming tonight. It means a lot."

Arthur’s arm tightened around Merlin, but he did not reply.

The weeks following Merlin’s prom passed in a blur for Arthur. The exam results arrived in August; Merlin passed his exams and got the grades he'd wanted and Arthur couldn’t help it; he threw a party for him, inviting all their - now mutual - friends, as well as Elena and her new boyfriend Elyan.

Arthur liked watching Merlin as he slowly slipped under the influence of alcohol. He was a total lightweight, drunk after a couple of beers. He flitted from person to person, enjoying being the centre of attention. When he stopped flitting, he stayed talking with Gwaine, not seeming to mind Gwaine's arm going around his waist to steady him and not actually being retracted. Arthur's chest hurt as he watched Merlin smiling up at Gwaine, laughing at something he'd said with sparkling eyes and an expression akin to admiration. Merlin looked at Arthur in many ways, but admiration was never one of them.

"They get on well don't they?" Morgana said snidely, sidling up beside him and following his line of vision. "Gwaine's in love with Merlin, you realise?"

Arthur clenched his jaw and replied, "They're just friends." He knew as he said it that Morgana was right. The way Gwaine was with Merlin was evidence enough. Gwaine never spent that much time in one person’s company; he was the original social butterfly.

"Yes, just like you're 'just friends' with all those other guys you fuck because you can't bear the thought that if you settle down with one person you're leaving yourself open to being hurt." That statement diverted Arthur’s attention from Merlin to Morgana who was watching him with a sad expression. "Don't you see that you're only going to get hurt anyway? Merlin's not going to stick around forever while you're making up your mind what you want." He wondered if she'd seen something in one of her dreams, but he didn't ask, not wanting to know the answer.

"I'm not making up my mind what I want. I know what I want, and it's not Merlin," Arthur said firmly, forcing the words out like bile. Morgana knew how to get to him; it was the privilege of being his older sister. "If I ever 'settle down' as you put it, I doubt very much it will be with someone like him."

Arthur never had any intention of settling down, this thing with Merlin was the closest he was ever likely to get, and he was fed up of being expected to explain this to people, even if on this occasion it was his sister.

"I don't know how you got like this, Arthur, but then again, you grew up under Uther's roof – I only had to visit; I was lucky – I had my mother," Morgana said, surprising him by pulling him into a hug. "I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I do love you, and I want you to be happy. Going on like this isn't going to make you happy."

When Morgana released him, Arthur stepped back and glanced around for Merlin, but couldn't see him. Neither could he see Gwaine. He did, however, see red. He pushed through the crowd of people and into the bedroom, unsure what to expect, and inordinately relieved to find the room empty. Except – if they weren’t in here, then where were they?

Frantically he returned to the party and scanned the room, before heading over to Lance, "Have you seen Merlin?"

"I think he went outside with Gwaine." He nodded unnecessarily towards the door. Arthur was out of the door and down the stairs before he even realised what he was doing. He burst out into the lobby – no Gwaine or Merlin – out onto the street and they weren’t there either. He tried the communal garden, which was depressingly empty. Sinking down onto one of the benches he dropped his head into his hands. His mind started to play him a movie, one where Merlin was writhing beneath Gwaine and kissing his overly handsome face. Arthur was watching on the side-lines as he had when he’d gifted Merlin with those two hustlers.

It wasn’t anything to do with the alcohol when the nausea rose in his throat and he vomited into the rose bushes.

No kissing anyone but Arthur. No sleeping with the same person more than once. Those were the rules. The truth was, Merlin didn’t want to sleep with anyone other than Arthur, but Arthur made it necessary. Arthur still made it a matter of pride that he be on the top of Albion’s ‘Everyone wants to fuck’ list.

Merlin didn’t try to keep up with Arthur, but he did fool around with other people; he didn’t want to be waiting around for Arthur to change his mind as that was probably never going to happen. Since losing his virginity to Arthur he’d enjoyed very good sex, average sex and exceptionally poor sex with other people. None of them were as good as it was with Arthur and Merlin didn’t want to kiss anyone else, or see someone more than once.

Only now, he’d gone and fucked that rule right out of the water.

Gwaine.

Merlin had been having a great time, working the room at the party, loving Arthur’s eyes following him wherever he went; he adored the feeling of power that came with being the focus of Arthur’s attention. The tiny cloud of gloom that followed him around to remind him that he would soon be moving out and moving in with Elena had evaporated for the day; Arthur had thrown him a party. He’d been basking in the warmth of being the guest of honour.

Until he’d heard Arthur say to Morgana, ‘I know what I want, and it's not Merlin.’ They hadn’t seen his approach, nor did they notice his immediate retreat, back over to Gwaine to say, "Get me out of here." He’d wanted to cry, punch something, scream.

Gwaine hadn’t needed asking twice, leading Merlin from the room and flagging down a taxi as soon as they got outside. Gwaine didn’t ask Merlin what had flipped his mood on its head and Merlin hadn’t offered the information. Instead, when they got to Gwaine’s place, after a couple of seconds of awkwardness, Merlin had made a move on him, standing on tiptoe to kiss him.

That had been all the invitation Gwaine needed to flip Merlin round, press him into the door and nuzzle his neck. This was how Merlin now found himself in Gwaine’s bed, being held tenderly by a sleepy brunet with a satisfied smile on his handsome face.

"I’ve wanted this almost since we first met," Gwaine confessed.

Merlin stared up at the ceiling, his heart full of dread. Gwaine had been a good friend to him and now – what was going to happen now? He had broken the first rule. He was going to have to enforce the second. He loved Arthur. Not Gwaine. Arthur. But he’d heard Arthur say that he didn’t want him, shattering the tiny dreg of hope that always lingered in the pit of his belly. Arthur had said he was never going to settle down, but if he did it wouldn’t be with someone like Merlin.

He supposed he’d always known this, but hearing it from Arthur’s lips when he didn’t know Merlin was there proved it. Yet Arthur hadn’t asked him to leave, most likely because September was almost upon them and Merlin’s uni course would be starting soon.

Arthur still thought Merlin was going to uni in Mercia.

"Gwaine-" Merlin began, not sure where to take this rest of the sentence.

"It’s alright, Merlin. I’m not expecting anything from you."

Merlin relaxed, but Gwaine’s words sounded hollow. The way Gwaine had made love to Merlin, how he’d told him he was beautiful, that he adored him. How he’d made sure Merlin came before letting himself climax. Gwaine might be trying to convince himself, but he didn’t convince Merlin – but Merlin was grateful for the pretence – because he wasn’t ready for this now. Despite Arthur’s words; Merlin couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t. Not until Arthur told him he didn’t want him around anymore.

"This is so fucked up," he said, more to himself than to Gwaine, and rolled out of bed to do the walk of shame.

When Merlin let himself into the flat in the early hours it was back to normal, as if there had never been a party there just hours earlier. Merlin took a quick shower and crawled into bed next to Arthur. He thought Arthur was asleep until he said, "Where’ve you been?"

Merlin had already decided not to lie if Arthur asked. "I went to Gwaine’s. I got a bit overwhelmed." He didn’t tell Arthur what he had done with Gwaine, and he hoped Arthur wouldn’t ask.

"Fine, though if I throw you a party again, I’d like it if you stayed until the end." Arthur rolled over and offered Merlin his back. Merlin didn’t respond. Arthur was right – from his point of view, Merlin’s leaving the party had been very rude. He wasn’t to know Merlin had overheard him talking to his sister. All he could be at the moment was grateful that Arthur hadn’t asked any further questions.

It wasn’t that Merlin had slept with Gwaine, although as Gwaine was a friend it had been a bad move – it was that he had kissed him and broken his promise to Arthur.

Right now, he really didn’t have an answer, if Arthur asked, Merlin would have to tell him the truth. Instead he said, "I’m not going to Mercia uni anymore, I’m staying in Albion."

Arthur didn't reply and he didn’t turn back to face Merlin.

"You’re taking me where?" Merlin asked, excited, even though Arthur knew he’d heard him perfectly well the first time.

Arthur rolled his eyes and threw Merlin’s backpack at him. "Berlin. Now get packing, the flight is at six tonight."

He didn’t tell Merlin that this trip was booked solely as a response to Merlin announcing that he was going out with Gwaine that evening ‘for a drink’ – if Merlin believed this was an impromptu treat with no agenda then that was all the better. Nearly two weeks had passed since the party and the ‘Gwaine incident’ as Arthur referred to it in his head.

During that time he had watched carefully as they interacted when they were out as a group, unable to miss the way Gwaine watched Merlin’s every move like a lovesick school boy, and the way Merlin never quite met his eyes. If they hadn’t fucked then something else had happened, and this being Gwaine, Arthur had his money on the fucking; Gwaine wasn’t the shy sort.

Arthur wanted to haul Gwaine against the wall by his collar and tell him that if he ever touched Merlin again he’d finish him.

Of course, he did no such thing. Instead he pretended that nothing had changed. Heck, Arthur had facilitated Merlin screwing other guys, so what could he possibly say? All he could do is hope that it didn’t happen again; Gwaine was too close for comfort.

But when Merlin announced he was going out with Gwaine for a beer on Friday night, Arthur had had to do something to stop it. He’d always fancied a weekend in Berlin and there was no time better than now.

He watched Merlin float a load of clothes into his bag and said, "Have I wasted my money on plane tickets? Can you, you know, teleport us there?"

"I’m not Harry Potter, Arthur – and it’s Apparate."

"So you can’t do that?" Arthur heard the pout in his own voice.

Merlin laughed. "You’re really not freaked out by it at all are you?"

"Why would I be? It’s part of you." Arthur hooked an arm around Merlin’s shoulder. "In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m rather fond of you."

That was the closest Arthur had gotten to telling Merlin how he felt about him.

Merlin grinned and twisted round so that he was pressed flush against Arthur and kissed him square on the mouth.

They almost missed their flight.

Berlin was amazing. The city that grew out of ashes burned bright.

Arthur and Merlin enjoyed a quiet meal that first night, and the following day they walked for miles and spent a relaxing evening in a beer garden; allegedly the largest one in Europe, drinking beer with green syrup in that Merlin thought was the best thing ever. Arthur felt contented, holding hands with Merlin, laughing like they never had before; he managed to put Gwaine to the back of his mind and enjoy the trip for what it was.

They didn’t go near a club until their last night. Arthur lost Merlin in the crowd, and when he found him again he was dancing in the loose embrace of a dark haired man who was watching Merlin as though he wanted to eat him. Arthur supposed he probably did. Not this weekend though; this was for him and Merlin, no third parties, just them. It was kind of nice really, being just the two of them-

As he went to cut in, the imposter pulled Merlin closer and kissed him. Merlin did not pull away. Arthur turned, bile rising in his throat, and within ten minutes he had his cock buried in the arse of a blond German twink.

Merlin fought off his dance partner after a brief uninvited and uninteresting kiss, wondering where Arthur had gone, hoping to lure him onto the dance floor and then back to their hotel room. He loved this different side to Arthur; a side that treated Merlin like he was the only one.

So, when he found Arthur in ‘VIP’ area, this club’s version of the backroom, sitting in a huge armchair, his head thrown back and his eyes closed as he was ridden by a blond kid; something inside him died.

He thought he’d got used to this; the fact that Arthur was with him but wasn’t really his.

As the tears pricked beneath his lids he finally admitted that he didn’t want this anymore. He didn’t want to share Arthur. He didn’t want to sleep with other people, pleasant though that could be. He was eighteen years old; a few months ago, before he’d met Arthur, he’d been idealistic and in his heart all he’d really wanted was one person. Yes, he was gay, but he wanted a monogamous relationship with someone who loved him.

Arthur would never love him; at least not in the way Merlin needed.

Arthur would never be his; there would always be someone else to fuck, someone to catch Arthur’s eye who wasn’t Merlin.

Merlin about turned and made for the exit. He wasn’t going to stay at watch this display of Arthur proving how little Merlin meant to him. He needed time to think about what he was going to do about this new realisation.

Their return home the following day was tense. Merlin was stuck. Arthur had come back to the hotel room after a stressed out phone call to him demanding to know where he was. Merlin hadn’t said anything about seeing Arthur with his German fuck of the day and Arthur hadn’t bawled Merlin out for going back to the hotel and leaving him in the club.

They landed at the airport having barely spoken on the flight; and when they got back to the flat, Merlin dumped his bag and informed Arthur he was going to see his Mum.

He went to Gwaine’s. It was selfish of him, he knew that, but he needed to be away from Arthur and with someone who appreciated him.

"If you were with me, I’d never do that to you," Gwaine said softly once Merlin had told him about his weekend in Berlin. "If you were mine, I’d never want to look at anyone else, let alone screw them."

Merlin pulled his knees under his chin, and closed his eyes. If he were Gwaine’s would he be able to put Arthur in a box labelled ‘the past’ and move on? He liked Gwaine: a lot – and being with him made him feel warm and wanted.

Arthur made him burn.

Gwaine scooted down the sofa so he was only millimetres away from Merlin. "If you were mine, I’d tell you that I love you every day." His breath was warm on Merlin’s ear.

He loves me. Merlin felt his heart skip a beat. This could work.

He dropped his knees and moved his head enough to ghost his own lips over Gwaine’s. Gwaine cupped his chin and moaned softly. "Merlin-"

Merlin closed him off by biting Gwaine’s lower lip. "Shhh." He nudged Gwaine backwards and climbed onto his lap. "No talking."

Merlin didn’t stay over at Gwaine’s, despite Gwaine’s pleas that he should. He went back to Arthur’s and crept into the empty bed and lay awake all night wondering how the hell he got himself into this mess.

Arthur came home in the early hours and Merlin waited for him to shower and join him in bed before sliding over and wrapping his arms around him.

Neither one of them said a word.

Arthur bumped into Elena at the cafe when she arrived to meet Merlin after his shift. They had been back from Berlin for over a week and things were still tense between him and Merlin.

Arthur didn’t know how to fix it.

Arthur invited Elena to sit with him and bought her a cup of coffee and a cup cake. "What has he roped you into now?" Arthur asked, feeling slightly guilty that he was using Elena as a vehicle to find out what Merlin's plans were. Since their return from Berlin they hadn’t talked much; both of them stepping around one another like strangers. Arthur knew it his fault, because he was pissed that Merlin had been kissing another man in the nightclub. So yes, Arthur had gone and got his rocks of with someone else, but only because Merlin was already getting his - it wasn't as though Merlin knew he'd fucked someone else that night, right?

He wanted to make things alright again, but Merlin was withdrawn and Arthur was worried. He hoped this chance meeting with Elena would shed some light.

"Oh, nothing!" she smiled brightly. "We're just viewing a couple of flats; my Dad's got a few coming empty before the start of term so we're going to pick which one we want."

Arthur's blood ran cold. Merlin was moving out? He glanced over to where Merlin was tinkering with the coffee machine with a look of deep concentration and then back to Elena with a frown he was unable to hide. "He didn't tell me."

Elena flushed. "Oh God, me and my mouth! I'm sorry, Arthur, I thought you knew."

Arthur patted her forearm. "No, don't you feel bad. It's not your fault. Merlin should have told me." He swallowed the bad taste. "When did you decide this?"

"Months ago - when Merlin decided he was going to go to uni here instead of Mercia we decided to live together," Elena answered, taking Arthur's reassurance at face value. "My Dad has loads of flats that he rents out. He doesn't want any rent, and he's kind of fond of Merlin. He thinks he’ll look after me. I don’t tell him it’s more the other way around." She laughed fondly.

Months. Merlin had only recently told him he was staying in Albion, and Arthur had assumed he would stay with him – he hadn’t even considered there might be an alternative – yet, Merlin had known he was going to be moving on for months. Had he really only been using Arthur for somewhere to live all this time? Biding his time until it panned out that he could move in with Elena. Merlin had decided he wasn't going away to university long before he'd told Arthur.

Why hadn't Merlin told him sooner?

Before Merlin had told him he wasn’t going to Mercia, Arthur had been trying not to think about, or bring up in discussion, Merlin's leaving for uni, because it involved feelings that he did not want to acknowledge. He'd thought that Merlin would leave for Mercia and once there, he wouldn't come back. Many times he'd thought of asking Merlin to stay, but never had because there was nothing here for Merlin, was there? His father had disowned him; he only had one friend-

Yet, that wasn't true anymore; Merlin had more than one friend now. He'd assimilated into Arthur's crowd like he'd always been there. Even Leon seemed to like him. Lance adored him. Gwen and Morgana thought the sun shone out of his behind. Alice and Gaius seemed to view Merlin as another son. Then there was Gwaine - Merlin had formed a close friendship there too - one that Arthur tried not to dwell upon if he could help it.

Merlin had plenty of friends to stay for, even without Arthur in the picture. Despite Arthur.

Arthur glanced at Merlin again, catching his eye. Merlin waved and grinned back at him and Arthur's heart skipped a beat.

"When were you going to tell me that you're moving in with Elena?"

Merlin sighed and stopped typing, closing the lid on his laptop and turning to face Arthur. "This was always meant to be temporary," he said, waving a hand in the air, as if that encompassed both the flat and their relationship. "I can't stay here forever, I cramp your style."

"If you're staying in Albion, I'd like it if you stayed living here. I like having you."

Merlin was staring at the floor. "I can't stay." He stood up and walked over to where Arthur was leaning against the table. "I'm not sure I want to share you anymore."

So this was about more than just their living arrangements. Arthur had suspected as much. "I thought our arrangement was working well?" Before Berlin. Before Merlin left Arthur’s party with Gwaine.

"Can you just be with me? No one else, Arthur, just me?" Merlin raised his eyes off the floor and pinned Arthur to the spot. "Can you?"

Arthur felt panic rise within him. No. No. No. He couldn't commit to one person. He couldn't be someone's boyfriend. He wanted Merlin around, Merlin had gotten under his skin, Alice hadn't been wrong about that - but - but - to be exclusive, faithful, to one person, to trust them with his heart- Arthur shook his head. "What's wrong with what we've already got?"

"It's not enough."

Everyone always wanted more than Arthur could give them. He'd given Merlin as much as he could. He didn't have any more to give. "It's enough for me." Even as he said the words, Arthur's heart was clamouring in his chest, screaming 'don't let him go'. Arthur couldn't listen. He wouldn't.

"Well then," Merlin said, coming to stand toe to toe with Arthur. "I guess we've reached an impasse."

He wrapped his arms around Arthur's still form and buried his face in his neck.

"Stay," Arthur whispered.

Merlin did not reply.

That night, Merlin made love to Arthur, starting with butterfly kisses over every inch of his chest, ending with his ankles on Arthur’s shoulders as Arthur moved slowly inside him. Their orgasms were a long time in arriving and cataclysmic in their intensity.

Arthur awoke in the night, Merlin’s limbs entangled with his, a horrible feeling of finality in his heart.

"I knew there was a reason why I'm friends with you," Merlin teased Elena as he went to the window of the flat they had chosen and stared down at the street below.

Elena pouted and elbowed Merlin, "Idiot. What do I get out of this arrangement?"

"My sparkling company and amazing wit?"

Elena snorted and wrapped an arm around Merlin’s waist and put her head on his shoulder. Merlin dropped his head on top of hers and squeezed back. Staying in Albion was the right decision, no matter what else happened, he had his best friend to lean on.

The flat they had chosen was a two bedroomed conversion in a Victorian House, and Merlin's bedroom was the attic rom. It was a five minute walk from the uni and near to the cafes and bars. It was, as Merlin had seen 'them' say on the TV, a 'prime' location.

Gorgeous though it was, when they moved in here in a couple of weeks’ time, he would be leaving Arthur behind. Still, these last few days with Arthur had been awkward. They'd come to a fork in the road. Merlin was taking one fork and Arthur the other. It wasn't as though Merlin hadn't invited Arthur to join him, but Arthur preferred to stay where he was and Merlin couldn't do it.

The was a clattering noise as Gwaine appeared in the doorway and lost his grip on the box of decorating equipment he'd brought up from his car. "Right," he said. "Which room we doing first?"

Merlin pushed Arthur out of his head and went to scrabble in the box for a paint brush. Once found, he stood and offered Gwaine a smile, "Thanks, Gwaine - you're a good mate."

Gwaine's face clouded over briefly and Merlin's heart sank; Arthur's rejection of him as anything other than a fuck-buddy had hurt him, and here he was in return, hurting Gwaine. Gwaine didn't deserve to be messed around.

"I've got somewhere to be," Elena said, eyeing the painting stuff warily. "Make sure you use the red paint on the back wall in my room, not the whole room." She backed away and grabbed her coat off the door handle as she passed. "Later!"

Merlin called after her, "Say hi to Elyan!" When he was sure she had gone he turned to Gwaine, "Shall we do her room first, minimise the potential for whinging later?"

Gwaine shoved the plastic off the sofa and flung himself down onto it. He had red paint in his hair and a streak across his cheekbone. Merlin slumped next to him. "That was fun," he wheezed, out of breath from painting the ceiling in Elena's room with a pole. "Have I got paint in my hair?"

Gwaine ran the back of his hand down Merlin's cheek, "Some, and here too." Their eyes met and Merlin's breath stopped altogether. The way Gwaine was looking at him - as though Merlin the most precious thing he'd ever seen - it stilled Merlin's heart. No one had ever looked at him like that before. Even Arthur who-

Merlin shoved Arthur’s image away. Arthur didn't want him; not really, he couldn't or wouldn't give Merlin what he needed, and now that it had been put out there and Arthur had actually said he couldn’t be just with Merlin. Merlin wasn't enough for him. He'd known the answer before he'd asked – he'd heard it from Arthur's own tongue on the night of the party after all. He was a masochist; he had to be, coming back for more rejection time after time.

"Merlin," Gwaine began as he leant in closer. "Can I kiss you?"

Merlin thought of the ‘rules’, he’d managed to break one last time – the only other time he had been with Gwaine – no kissing. The second rule was never the same person twice… He ran his gaze over Gwaine’s lips just as he licked them and something snapped. With one hand he pressed Gwaine back into the sofa and twisting his body round he straddled him. "Not if I kiss you first," he teased, licking his own lips and lowering his mouth over Gwaine’s.

"Leave him," Gwaine said later, when they had dressed and resumed the decorating. "I’ll never cheat on you, or buy you a hooker for your birthday. I’ll never want anyone else, Merlin. I only want you."

Merlin stared at the spot in the wall he had just repainted five times due to his lack of concentration.

Giving in to Gwaine, becoming Gwaine’s boyfriend, would mean giving up Arthur for good. Merlin had never intended his moving in with Elena to mean he couldn’t see Arthur anymore – more than that, seeing Arthur with others would be less painful. Living under the same roof was too intimate, like it meant something more than it was.

"I don’t know-"

"Do you know what I regret more than anything?" Gwaine asked, stopping painting and boring a hole in the side of Merlin’s head with his intense stare.

Merlin stopped turned to him and shook his head.

"That first night, I let Arthur take you home. I should’ve done something then."

"Maybe," Merlin said sadly. "But you didn’t." And it would still have been Arthur even if you had.

"What’re you making?" Arthur asked, stepping up behind Merlin and wrapping his arms around his waist. He looked over Merlin’s shoulder down into the pot he was stirring.

"Veggie curry," Merlin said. "Are you staying?"

Arthur had been planning to call a guy he’d met at a networking event that morning, one who had slipped his number into Arthur’s breast pocket and mouthed, ‘Call me.’ He’d been a decent looking sort, and Arthur needed to fuck this depression away.

"Yes, for your cooking, of course I am," Arthur mentally re-arranged a night with Mr Call-Me for later in the week. "I’ll set the table."

After dinner, where he and Merlin had chatted about their day, about what was going on in their lives and everything but their own relationship, Arthur was just relaxing when Merlin said, "We need to talk about us," and Arthur wished he had gone out after all.

"There’s nothing to say," he said. "We’re good, aren’t we?" Arthur knew very well that things were strained between them; that Merlin wanted more from him than what they had. That Arthur need only say what Merlin wanted to hear then Merlin would stay, and they could be a ‘proper’ couple. Arthur’s heart rate began to pick up and he hastily gulped down a few swigs of water from the glass in front of him.

Merlin watched him and did not reply.

"I know what you want me to say, but I can’t, Merlin." Arthur took another gulp. There was a voice in his head screaming at him to stop being such a fucktard. The voice said, tell him or lose him. Arthur opened his mouth, but words failed him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes and Merlin finally said, "Do you fancy going to Camelot?"

"Arthur," Leon hissed urgently, grabbing Arthur’s arm and pulling him to one side and almost pushing him down into the corner table at Avalon Café a week later. "Arthur, I have to tell you something!"

Arthur rolled his eyes at Leon’s melodrama. "You’re not pregnant are you? If you are, you know it’s not mine, right?"

Leon glared at him, "Arthur, I’m being serious here."

Arthur sighed. Leon was his oldest and best friend. His taste for melodrama notwithstanding, Arthur knew that if Leon had that look on his face, he meant business. "Alright, out with it."

Leon frowned and said, "Promise not to shoot the messenger?"

Arthur started to worry. "I promise."

"I saw Merlin and Gwaine – yesterday in the park," Leon bit his lip and sought out Arthur’s eye before continuing. Arthur kept his expression neutral, even as his brain started to process what Leon was saying and anticipating possible outcomes. "They were kissing."

Arthur’s vision blurred and he shook his head in the hope that would right it. Leon mistook the action and said, "No – Arthur – it’s true-"

Arthur forced a smile, "It’s okay, Leon." Images of Merlin entangled with Gwaine assuaged him and he wanted to vomit. "I know about them. It’s not like Merlin and I are exclusive, you know that."

"But- The kissing thing? I thought-"

Yes, the kissing thing. Merlin must’ve told Leon about that. It would seem the two of them had become friendlier than Arthur even realised. Not so friendly that Leon wouldn’t grass Merlin up to Arthur though, this was something to be thankful for.

Arthur wrapped a hand around Leon’s neck and yanked him in, kissing him square on the lips before edging his way into Leon’s mouth. Leon didn't respond. Arthur felt nothing. He pulled away, "See – kissing – it means nothing." His appetite for breakfast gone, Arthur stood to leave, glancing over to the counter as he did so, and finding Merlin frozen to the spot, coffee pot in hand, watching him.

In that moment Arthur was torn between snatching the coffee pot and clanking Merlin over the head with it, and leaping over the counter, throwing Merlin in a fireman’s lift over his shoulder and taking him back to the flat and locking him in.

Instead, he didn’t bother to acknowledge Merlin’s presence and swept out of the café.

He got no work done that day, and was annoyed with himself when he remembered that everyone was going to Camelot that night for a fundraiser that he had arranged. Fuck.

"Merlin, are you even listening to me?" Gwen prodded Merlin in the arm. "I said that this is a fantastic turn out! Arthur has done himself proud."

Merlin smiled and nodded. Camelot was rammed to the rafters; the homeless charity Arthur was supporting would make a small fortune out of this event.

"Speaking of Arthur," Morgana said drily. "Where is my favourite ray of sunshine?"

Merlin shrugged. It was a question he wanted the answer to as well. In fact, he hadn’t seen Arthur since that morning in the café, when he had witnessed him kissing Leon, seen the hurt on Leon’s face when Arthur had dismissed him and stormed out.

What the hell Arthur was playing at, Merlin had no clue. Kissing someone in front of Merlin…

"No idea," Merlin replied to Morgana. He felt tired, bone weary. This life, it wasn’t for him any more, that is – the life he lived in Arthur’s bed, wondering who else he was sharing it with. The life where he’d slept with Gwaine more than once, kissed him – spent time with him just holding hands.

The fork in the road had become dangerous.

He was due to move in with Elena at the weekend.

"You and Arthur will have to come over for dinner next week," Gwen was saying. "Drew loves it when you do your tricks for him, and it’s good for him to spend time with Arthur."

Merlin nodded absently, thinking fondly of Drew for a moment before depression took hold. He loved that little boy. He also knew damned well that Arthur did too; and spent more time over at Gwen and Morgana’s or alone with Drew than he would ever actually admit to. It seemed to Merlin that if Arthur didn’t let anyone know how much he cared for his son, they couldn’t use it against him.

"Hey you," Gwaine appeared to Merlin’s side and slipped an arm around his shoulders. Merlin closed his eyes and counted to five. He knew what Gwaine was doing. He was staking his claim. Of course – of course – Arthur chose that moment to make his appearance, the crowd seeming to part to give him full line of sight from the entrance to where Gwaine and Merlin were standing, with all of their other friends – Gwen, Morgana, Lance, Leon, Percy, Elena and Elyan – all of whom seemed to instantaneously click that something was about to go down.

Arthur slowly picked his way across the room, letting people stop to greet him as he passed, his eyes never deviating from Merlin’s. When he stopped it was in a cruel parody of the stance he’d taken with Merlin the first night they had met – only back then Merlin hadn’t had one of Gwaine’s arms curved around his shoulders. Merlin fought the urge to shrug him off, he didn’t want this to be happening, he still didn’t know what he was going to do; he was still at the crossroads!

Arthur dragged his eyes away from Merlin to sneer at Gwaine. Merlin couldn’t help but think that Arthur should be removing a glove and throwing it at Gwaine’s feet. Gwaine removed his hand from Merlin’s shoulder and entwined it with Merlin’s fingers instead. Arthur’s eyes dropped and Merlin waited, watching Arthur swallow and his features neutralise.

"Thank you for saving me the job of kicking him out," he said to Gwaine, ignoring Merlin completely. Even over the pressing thump of the music Merlin thought he heard their friends gasp. Merlin tried not to let the effect those words had on him show. He let Gwaine tighten his grip on his hand as he swayed. "It was getting really tedious."

Arthur let his eyes wash over Merlin briefly, expressionless and cold. He turned away, threading a path back through the crowd, and when a tanned arm shot out waylay him, Arthur nodded and let the stranger lead him into the back room.

Merlin’s throat was clogged with tears. He couldn’t bear to look at any of his friends. "I have to get out of here," he said, and was grateful when Gwaine took charge and led him outside. Once they were free of the cloying confines of the club, Gwaine wrapped his arms around Merlin and Merlin buried his head in Gwaine’s neck.

That was it then; the end of Arthur and Merlin, such that it was. Or wasn’t. It wasn’t that he could even blame Arthur for this – he had been breaking the rules with Gwaine. He was cheating on Arthur with Gwaine; because despite the number of other people Arthur fucked, he had stuck to the rules.

Of course, the kiss with Leon that morning made sense now. He must've told Arthur he'd seen him kissing Gwaine, and Merlin supposed that shouldn't surprise him; Leon and he had become friends, but his loyalty was always going to be with Arthur.

Merlin had hurt Arthur, which was the last thing he ever wanted, especially as he knew deep down that this was exactly why Arthur always stayed an arm’s length away. He feared rejection; he was scared to trust people.

Merlin had never met Uther Pendragon, but he would have bet money on him being at the root of it all.

It didn’t matter anymore thought did it? As Merlin’s head stopped spinning and his heart rate slowed, his awareness that he was in Gwaine’s arms resurfaced. Gwaine was his boyfriend now. Honest, loyal Gwaine. Merlin could love him, he could.

As was usual for Arthur’s father, his timing was abysmal. He’d been as out of sight and as out of mind as he ever was on business in America for months. It was inevitable that he would return to ‘check on progress’ at the European arm of the business on the only week in his working history that Arthur had thrown a sickie and was hiding out in his now Merlin-free flat holding a pity party for himself.

"Really, Arthur, this isn’t good enough," Uther said distastefully when he turned up at Arthur’s flat three days after the fundraiser at Camelot. Arthur had a naked bloke in his bed – name already forgotten – and Arthur was already halfway drunk. Bed bloke had then chosen that moment to stumble naked into the living area and waggle his eyebrows at Uther as though Arthur had just invited another man over for a threesome.

"Get your clothes and leave," Arthur said to him without bothering to look at him. To his father he said, "I’ve taken the time as holiday, I don’t see what the problem is."

Uther was watching the interloper scrabble around on the floor for his clothes, his face a disapproving sneer. "I had hoped you would be over this little phase by now," he bit out. "When you became a father, I thought that you had turned a corner but it would seem I was wrong."

"I fathered a child with my lesbian best friend – your daughter’s partner, remember? How is it that Morgana being gay is fine, but utterly unacceptable for me?" Arthur already knew the answer. Nothing he did was good enough. It never had been. He didn’t know why he still worked for Pendragon Limited.

"Morgana-" Uther broke off as the now fully dressed man shuffled past them to the door mouthing ‘call me’ to Arthur. As the door snapped shut behind him, he continued. "-is not my only son and heir."

"Yeah, son and heir of nothing in particular," Arthur muttered. Uther’s visit couldn’t have come at a worse time. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No, you cannot get me a drink," Uther said in a steely voice. "You can make yourself presentable and you can be in the office in an hour." He dragged his gaze over Arthur, head to toe, and followed Arthur’s nameless shag out of the door.

Arthur spotted his jeans on the floor to recover his mobile from the pocket and called Morgana to warn her Uther was on the prowl. When she tried to ask him how he was, he ended the conversation and threw the phone on the sofa.

Why was everyone so concerned with how he was? They all seemed to think that he was bothered by Merlin’s defection to Gwaine. As far as Arthur was concerned, it could be Gwaine or anyone. It had been inevitable.

Merlin was young; he’d go through many more boyfriends once he tired of Gwaine, and then he would probably settle down. Merlin was a settler. He was the opposite of Arthur in every way. Maybe it would even be Gwaine he settled with. Either way, none of it was anything to do with Arthur, not anymore.

He had his flat back to himself and his life was his own again. It was heaven.

All he had to do now was deal with his bloody father.

Arthur, showered and dressed in clean jeans and a tight t-shirt, strode into the Pendragon Limited offices exactly an hour later, past his father’s PA and straight into his office.

Uther was on the phone. "No – I don’t care who you have to fire, I want the culprit found! No one steals from me. I said- Fine. Expect Arthur to be with you within the next forty-eight hours." He slammed the phone down and finally acknowledged Arthur’s presence. "What are you wearing? Never mind – I need you to go to Sydney and sort out the mess that idiot Valiant has left behind."

Arthur hesitated. He had been about to tell his father he was out, that he’d had enough of working for him – but a few days out of the country, away from everything and everyone could be just what he needed.

"I-" Arthur noted his father’s dismissal of him was already written on his face and his resolve grew. "No. I’m not going to Sydney. I’ve had enough. I’m setting up on my own."

Uther’s face twitched in annoyance, as though Arthur had merely announced he was going to be home late for dinner. It was the strongest reaction Arthur remembered ever getting out of his father. "If that is what you want, Arthur, go ahead." He waved Arthur away with a flick of his wrist and picked up the telephone receiver again. "Maria, get me Brian Martin on the line please – and book him a ticket to Sydney for tonight."

Arthur’s head began to spin. So that was it. His father didn’t want him, never had.

Merlin didn’t want him either.

"I’m taking you out tonight. You’ve been working too hard," Gwaine said as they stumbled over the threshold of the café, both laughing at nothing. "How about we grab something to eat and then catch a-" Gwaine stopped dead in the doorway.

Merlin followed his line of sight and his stomach dropped.

Arthur was back. An unusual mixture of relief and dread pumped its way through Merlin’s body. His eyes met Arthur’s and his heart skipped a guilty beat; it hadn’t gotten the memo that Merlin was with Gwaine now.

"Hey, Merlin!" Gwen waved from her seat beside Arthur. Arthur bounced a gurgling Drew on his knee. Morgana was sitting opposite to them, talking into her mobile phone; Lance was next to her with a welcoming smile for Merlin and Gwaine.

None of Gwaine’s friends had turned on him over his relationship with Merlin. In the time that Arthur had been MIA both he and Gwaine had seen all of them several times. They had made it known that they understood that Merlin deserved someone who could be faithful to him. Merlin had wondered if they knew about him joining in with Arthur and his merry men on more than one occasion and having his fair share of liaisons with other people in his own right.

That was something he did not miss. The appeal of sleeping with different people was a limited one. Merlin liked the familiarity of having one person, of getting to know what they liked and how to please them – he liked lying in bed and talking to that one person. He’d wanted that person to be Arthur but he had had to be realistic. Now that person was Gwaine.

He sought Gwaine’s hand and threaded his fingers through his, unable to miss Arthur following the movement, his jaw tightening as he turned his attention back to his son.

"Hi, Gwen," Merlin returned the greeting. He nodded at Lance. The atmosphere was thick with tension. Merlin was desperate to know where Arthur had been – he’d disappeared three weeks ago, after changing the locks on his flat so that Merlin couldn’t get in to pick up his stuff – Merlin had been worried stupid, but no one else seemed to think that this was anything out of the ordinary.

Morgana had told him that Arthur had called her to say Uther was in town, promptly quit his job and taken himself off somewhere. She had claimed he was ‘licking his wounds’, Merlin thought he was probably licking the navel of that night’s fuck, but he’d kept quiet. Saying things like that just made him sound bitter.

Merlin was not bitter. He was happy and loved. He squeezed Gwaine’s hand and said, "Still want to grab a coffee?" He hoped Gwaine would say yes because he didn’t want things to get weirder than they already were – this crowd had been Gwaine’s friends long before Merlin had come crashing into their lives.

The next time Merlin saw Arthur was a couple of days later when he went to the flat to pick up his stuff. Arthur held the door open for Merlin to pass through silently. Merlin had half expected all of his things to be bagged up by the door; that Arthur would have wanted them gone as soon as possible. Instead, Merlin noted, the place looked as though Merlin had never moved out.

"Where did you go?" Merlin thought he would ask, not really expecting an answer as Arthur’s stare burned a hole in the back of his head. He placed a holdall on the table and began to float things inside.

"I just had a couple of weeks San Francisco and stayed with my old mate Kay."

"Right," Merlin nodded. That figured. San Francisco was the gay capital of the world or very close to it. Arthur would have had his pick of blokes. "Gwen says you’ve quit your job? What are you going to do now?"

"No, I had but I’m going back. While I was away my father signed over a controlling interest in Pendragon to me; claims he wants to start enjoying life. He’ll probably find wife number whatever and go on a cruise. I don’t really care what he does, but I’d be a fool if I didn’t take what he’s offering, even if I know it's his way of keeping me in line."

When Arthur stopped talking Merlin couldn’t think of anything to say. The awkwardness hovered in the air around them and Merlin felt like crying. One thing he had always been able to say about his ‘relationship’ with Arthur was how easily they got along. Merlin could say anything to him and after their initial few weeks together; they had talked about anything and everything – except Arthur’s feelings, his childhood and his father. Merlin had thought he understood Arthur but he had been wrong.

Finally, as Merlin moved to the bedroom to pack up his clothes, Arthur followed and said, "I hope you’re happy – with Gwaine?"

Merlin busied himself magically locating all his clothes, "Gwaine loves me." When Arthur didn’t respond Merlin turned around to face him and said, "I had hoped we could still be friends?"

Arthur’s face was impassive, his arms folded. Merlin followed the path of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed and said, "If that’s what you want."

Merlin exhaled. He didn’t know how Gwaine would feel about this, but Merlin knew he needed it. He smiled. "Thank you."

Arthur’s defection against his father hadn’t been very long lived. It seemed that Uther hadn’t anticipated Arthur actually not coming crawling back. When Arthur had landed back in the UK from San Francisco, his father’s car was waiting for him at the airport and Uther was waiting for him in the back seat. In the end it had boiled down to one thing: blood.

"You’re my only son, Arthur," Uther had said. "It’s all going to be yours whether you want it or not. You may as well take control of it now, make it your own and in time pass it on to Drew."

Arthur had wanted to rebel, but he had always worked hard and played hard, and he had sweated blood into that company over the past five years since his graduation. He couldn’t bear the thought of all of that going to someone else.

So he had followed Uther back to the office, brought in his own solicitor to check over the papers, and he had signed. He was now the CEO of Pendragon Limited. It would give him something to focus on, and Uther had signed away his right to interfere.

This company was Drew’s legacy now.

"I’d like to set up a more formal arrangement with Drew," he said to Gwen afterwards. "I don’t want to be an occasional father; I’d like to see him regularly."

Gwen glanced at Morgana who smiled tightly and nodded. "We had hoped that you would," she said. "It’s important that Drew have his father in his life. You know you’re welcome to see him whenever you like, but if you want a regular time slot, that’s fine with us."

Arthur smiled and kissed the baby’s head. He wasn’t going let Drew grow up like he had.

When Morgana had to take another phone call, Gwen jumped in. "How are you coping?" she asked, and Arthur knew that she knew she was being overly optimistic if she was expecting the answer she was looking for. Translated: ‘how are you coping without Merlin?’

"I’ll be fine, being the boss has opened a whole new world of pain, but I’ll cope."

"Arthur, I’m serious."

"And I’m not?"

"Merlin, Arthur?"

Arthur hugged Drew closer to him and stared down at the dark curls framing his son's face. "What do you want me to say? He’s moved on, I’ve moved on. I’m happy that he’s happy? That I’m proud to have inducted him into the world of gay sex? Gwen, he’s just one guy out of thousands, so stop looking at me like I killed a puppy."

"I’m worried about you, Arthur." Gwen put a hand on Arthur’s knee and squeezed. "I’ve never seen you so happy as when you were with him."

Arthur shunted himself along the sofa and held out Drew for Gwen to take him back. "I really have to be going," he lied, getting to his feet and looking around for his jacket. "I’ll be back tomorrow to take Drew for the day, yes?"

He didn’t wait for Gwen’s response. When he was safely in his car he dropped his head to his hands and rubbed his temples. Why couldn’t people just leave him be? If he said he didn’t want to talk about Merlin, it meant that he didn’t want to talk about Merlin. How difficult was that for people to understand? He was starting to wish he’d stayed in San Francisco for longer.

Checking his watch he found it was a little after 8pm; he went back to the office and started work on the planned restructure.

Leon’s birthday night out started in Hengist’s and Arthur was deliberately late. He knew that Merlin and Gwaine would be there, knew that he couldn’t avoid them for long and a sadistic part of him didn’t want to. Gwaine was his friend – or at least he had been before he’d made his moves on Merlin – and could Arthur blame him for going for what he wanted, even if what he wanted was Merlin? Arthur had always made it very plain to anyone who wanted to hear that Merlin meant nothing to him. He couldn’t be allowed to be surprised when people had believed him.

When he finally arrived, threading his way through the crowd to the bar, he was greeted by the sight of all of his friends, drinks in hands, laughter on their faces, with Merlin and Gwaine at the centre. Merlin was seated on a stool with Gwaine standing beside him with his head on Merlin’s shoulder. The smile on Merlin’s face was so bright, so happy with his hands rested over the top of Gwaine’s which were secured around Merlin’s waist.

Arthur stopped dead and stared, as though Gwaine and Merlin as a couple was a new revelation to him. His heart picked up pace, his head span and he had to run for the toilets and lock himself in a stall before he slid down the wall and dropped his head to his knees.

Realisation dawned; Merlin. Everything he’d done since that fatal day when Merlin had walked into his life had been about that boy, and now Arthur had lost him, thrown him away to the wolves: to Gwaine. Fuck. What had he done? What had he done? Merlin. Arthur didn’t know what love felt like, but this feeling seemed a lot like he imagined heartbreak to be.

When had that irritating, big eared idiot not only got under his skin but wiggled his way in to Arthur’s heart? Arthur didn’t know what this was; all he knew was that suddenly his life stretched before him and it was shallow and pointless without Merlin.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think about how happy Merlin had looked – without him. Merlin had never smiled like that for him, never looked so contented, never covered Arthur's hands with his own in the way that he was had with Gwaine. Gwaine made Merlin happy; Arthur had merely made him miserable.

It was the worst feeling in the world.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, and before Merlin realised it, he had been at uni for nearly a whole term and Christmas was upon them. He could barely believe that this time last year he had been living with his parents and would be spending Christmas day with his Mum, Dad and Mordred. This Christmas day would be spent with Elena and some friends they had made at uni who were not going back home for the holidays. The alternative had been a gathering at Gwen and Morgana’s, and Merlin had been more than tempted, but Arthur would be there, and Merlin didn’t think he could bear it.

Instead of getting easier without Arthur, it was getting worse.

Arthur made a clear effort to avoid him, so much for staying friends, and when they did see one another, Arthur made sure to get away from Merlin as fast as possible. Merlin missed him so much that it physically hurt.

And yet, he wouldn’t say he wasn’t happy with Gwaine. Merlin lived with Elena and Gwaine would stay there some nights, he would stay at Gwaine’s on others. It was easy. Gwaine made him laugh – he made Merlin feel loved. Arthur was always there, in the back of his mind and Merlin wondered if this sense of loss would every go away, even if he lived to be a hundred and fifty.

Merlin hadn’t been able to resist buying Arthur a Christmas present, still trying to kid himself that they were friends at least. It was only a t-shirt; Merlin and Elena had gone to London for the weekend a few weeks earlier and on Sunday morning had spent hours wandering around Spitalfields Market, which is where Merlin had seen the t-shirt that had jumped out at him as being perfect for Arthur.

He’d bought it without thinking about it.

His intention had been to drop it at Arthur’s front door, leave it there for Arthur to find, without them having to meet face to face. Only when Merlin turned the final corner in the stairwell to find Arthur was just letting himself in through his front door and it was too late to duck back down again and hide.

"I, um, brought you a Christmas present," Merlin stammered. He held up the neatly wrapped present as though it was evidence and he had just been caught doing something wrong.

For an endless moment Arthur didn’t say anything, he just stared at Merlin before wordlessly holding open the door. Merlin hesitated and nodded, slipping past Arthur and into the open space living area. He gasped when he noticed it was full of packing boxes.

"I – you’re moving?" Merlin accused. "Where to, are you leaving town?" Something twisted in his belly at the realisation that Arthur might be moving away from Albion. He placed the present on the dining table and watched Arthur for an answer.

"Would you care if I was?" Arthur asked from his position on the other side of the sofa. Merlin had forgotten how Arthur liked to use furniture as a barricade to him when the conversation turned uncomfortable.

All of Merlin’s instincts were screaming at him to say ‘yes, I’d miss you like hell’ but something stopped him. Like the fact that telling Arthur he would miss him was a pointless exercise. Merlin missed him enough as it was and he only lived a few streets away, but he didn’t see him any more for the proximity. He gulped; what would it be like knowing Arthur wasn’t just around the corner?

"Of course I care. We’re friends aren’t we?"

Arthur’s face fell. "Right, yes, of course we are." He switched his gaze to the present. "I didn’t get you anything."

"I didn’t expect you to. I just saw that, and thought of you." I think of you all the time.

"Well, thank you. I’ll open it tomorrow." Arthur circled the far side of the sofa and opened the fridge. "Drink?"

Merlin knew it wasn’t wise to stay, but if they really were friends then there was no reason why he couldn’t. "Why not?" he replied and watched as Arthur took a beer from the fridge and tossed it towards Merlin.

"So, you haven’t told me where you’re moving to," Merlin pushed. He had to know. It mattered; even though Merlin might be on the verge of a much bigger move himself. He just hadn’t said yes yet.

Arthur opened a drawer and pulled out the bottle opener, popped the cap on the beer and held it out for Merlin. Merlin walked over to collect it and Arthur pulled it back. "Why are you here?" His eyes burned like blue fire.

Merlin’s heart thundered. "I told you-"

"Christmas present, of course," Arthur sighed and the fire burned out. He shook his head and handed Merlin the bottle. "I’ve bought a house in Castleview." Castleview was the popular boho-ish area a mile or so outside the city centre where Gwen and Morgana lived. Not far then. Merlin felt the relief filter through him.

"You’re moving nearer to Drew. That’s a good idea." Merlin had heard from Gwen that Arthur was seeing a lot more of Drew these days, and that father and son were more than a little enamoured with each other.

"Thank you, Merlin. You know I live for your approval."

Merlin grinned. Now this was more like the Arthur he knew and loved. He span on his heel, shifted an empty box off the sofa and sat down, putting his feet up on the coffee table in the way he knew annoyed Arthur. He didn’t want to force it – regaining the camaraderie between them – but it couldn’t hurt to cultivate it a little.

He took a long swig of his beer and watched as Arthur came to sit on the other end of the sofa, as far away as he could possibly get without sitting on the arm. "You got any plans for tonight then?" Merlin asked, thinking Arthur might be going to Camelot’s Christmas Eve Grotto extravaganza.

Arthur shook his head. "No, just me, a take-away and whatever shit’s on the TV."

"I haven’t got any plans either. I’ll stay and keep you company." Merlin deliberately made a statement rather than offered his company as an option.

"Where’s Gwaine tonight then?" Arthur asked and instantly the elephant was back in the room.

"He’s got his work Christmas meal. No partners allowed."

Arthur snorted. "They have their Christmas meal on Christmas Eve?"

"Gwaine’s boss is a stickler for tradition," Merlin said. He declined to mention that he and Gwaine had had a mammoth argument about it and that they were currently not even talking – that Merlin had stomped out of Gwaine's flat last night.

"You’re happy with Gwaine?"

"Yes." Despite their recent argument Merlin wasn’t lying. Knowing he would be happier yet with Arthur didn’t mean anything.

Arthur took another swig of his beer and after more awkward silence said, "Fuck it, I’m opening my present." He leapt to his feet and made a swipe for the present off the table, making light work of the elaborate gift wrap and needless bows. He pulled out the t-shirt and held it aloft in front of him, his face breaking into a reluctant smile when he read the text on the front – ‘shy’. He pulled the t-shirt he was currently wearing over his head and turned to Merlin, the smile still in place and said, "You idiot, Merlin."

His smile faded as his eyes met Merlin’s, and Merlin couldn’t even pretend not to know why when the unexpectedly shirtless torso in front of him hadn’t filled his cock with need and-

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Arthur straddled him with lightning speed and covered Merlin’s mouth with his own, or when Merlin was divested of his own t-shirt, and Arthur pulled his jeans down over his hips and that Merlin had let him without a second thought. Arthur scrabbled to his feet and kicked off his own jeans, and instead of returning to Merlin’s lap, he sat down beside him and pulled Merlin onto his.

Merlin didn’t object, he was lost in need and sensation and an unequivocal desire to be close to Arthur, because he’d missed this, missed his touch and he needed it, like nothing else.

Arthur buried his face in Merlin’s neck, sucking a trail of tiny kisses into the hollow there, his thumbs traced over nipples before moving lower and cupping his arse. Their cocks bobbed together, begging for touch, and one of Arthur’s hands abandoned its desperate quest for Merlin’s entrance and wrapped confidently around them, stroking a slow slide over both of them, causing Merlin to hiss Arthur’s name and seek out his mouth for a long slow kiss.

Merlin summoned his jeans and rammed his hand into the pocket to come up with lube and a condom. He handed it to Arthur who was still fisting their cocks together, and set about preparing Merlin for his cock. It could have been just moments or even hours, but Merlin heard his own disjointed voice begging Arthur to do it, that he was ready, that he wanted Arthur inside him.

Arthur obliged, Merlin raising himself on his knees so Arthur could shift into position before lowering himself slowly onto Arthur. When he was fully seated he leant forward and bowed his head against Arthur’s shoulder to adjust; Arthur’s familiar scent filling his nostrils and squeezing his heart.

"God, Merlin, I’ve missed this," Arthur groaned as he settled his hands on Merlin hips and began to buck upwards. He tipped his head back and caught Merlin’s eyes. All Merlin could think of, outside of the sensations that were the drag of Arthur’s cock inside him was home. He closed his mouth over Arthur’s and began to ride him hard, he needed this, God he needed it, but he also need it to be over and to get out of there. This was a dangerous place to be.

For Merlin, it was the length of their separation that had him coming so quickly, and his ability to read that Arthur was close as well. He exploded over Arthur’s chest with a guilty groan. His hands gripped Arthur’s shoulders as he rode out his orgasm, feeling the exact moment when Arthur followed him, his eyes on Arthur’s face to capture the memory of his face as he came.

Merlin committed it to memory and lowered his eyes.

His breathing was ragged, as was Arthur’s as his breath tickled over Merlin’s earlobe as he struggled to regain his composure.

"Fuck," Arthur said under his breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

That was all Merlin needed to hear to know Arthur regretted this; that nothing had changed. He might want Merlin but he didn’t want him. He never had. Merlin had deluded himself for far too long and he wasn’t about to go back to that place and... Shit. Gwaine. Merlin's boyfriend. Merlin was willing to bet that if he checked his phone now, there would be another text from Gwaine saying how sorry he was and would Merlin please call him and tell him where he stood? The thought of Gwaine had Merlin scrabbling off Arthur’s lap and reaching for his clothes in an attempt not to panic...

Arthur watched silently as Merlin panicked and began to urgently drag his clothes back on, avoiding his eye as he did so. "Merlin-" he began.

"This never happened," Merlin interrupted. "I’m not- We’re not- We don’t do this anymore."

"Don’t we?" Arthur drawled sardonically, looking Merlin up and down with a smirk. "It looks very much to me like we do."

"I thought I could do this," Merlin continued, ignoring Arthur’s interjection. "I thought I could be ‘friends’ with you, Arthur, but I can’t. It’s not fair on Gwaine, or me."

The vice around Arthur’s heart tightened. Arthur opened his mouth to say something, anything that would bring Merlin back to him, and abruptly closed it again. Merlin could do better. Merlin had done better. Gwaine was one of the good guys. All Arthur was good for was fucking around and Merlin deserved more. Arthur couldn’t be that person. He couldn’t stay faithful to one person. He didn’t know how.

"I didn’t mention this before because I still wasn’t sure I was going to take it, but I think it’s for the best that I’m away from Albion for a while," Merlin was saying as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. "I’ve been offered an eight month placement at NYU – they run an exchange program for people like me, you know, magic, and normally you have to be in your second year but - I go in January. Gwaine’s transferring offices to come with me. I’m moving to New York."

Arthur’s head span. He was glad he was sitting down because he didn’t like his chances at remaining standing. Don't go. Don't go. DON'T GO!

"Anyway, we’ll go on or around the thirteenth," Merlin continued. "So I guess this is it." He finally looked at Arthur for a response, but Arthur had long since schooled his features into indifference.

He shrugged. "Good luck then," he said blandly.

Merlin’s blue eyes scanned Arthur head to toe – sitting still on his sofa as naked as the day he was born. Arthur met his gaze unblinkingly, praying that his sudden urge to cry wasn’t as obvious to Merlin as it felt to him.

"Right," Merlin said. "I hope the move goes well." He picked up his bag and without another word, he was gone.

Arthur leapt to his feet the moment the door clicked behind him and bolted it, before heading for the shower. He stood for endless minutes underneath the powerful jets, allowing them to wash away the tears that he refused to cry.

He barely slept, and the following morning when he donned his Santa outfit and went to Morgana and Gwen’s to see his son, he hoped nobody would be able to tell that he’d just lost the most important person in his life for the second time.

Gwen took one look at him and pulled him into a bear hug. "Oh, Arthur," she said gently, kissing his cheek gently. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

Arthur sank into the embrace, but didn’t reply.

Arthur didn’t go to Merlin and Gwaine’s leaving party, he went to Camelot and fucked the first guy to put the moves on him. He took a different guy home and didn’t even care that the guy stayed over, or that he stayed for the best part of two days, or that when he finally left, Arthur still didn’t know what his name had been.

It was March when Arthur finally screeched to a blinding halt; caused, embarrassingly, by an intervention by Leon, Gwen, Lance, Morgana, Gaius and Alice. He’d been lured to a ‘gathering’ at Gwen and Morgana’s, whose house he now lived nearer to, and had been barricaded in by a human force field of interfering busy-bodies.

"You have to stop this, Arthur," Morgana ploughed straight in. "It’s like you’ve set yourself on ‘self-destruct’ and you’re not going to be satisfied until you’ve totally burnt yourself out."

Arthur scowled. Like it was anyone’s business what he did! He never missed a day at work; and if he was a little tired then coffee was more than enough of a pick-me-up thank you very much. He always kept his promises where Drew was concerned, never missing an opportunity to spend time with him. What the fuck was their problem?

"I’m absolutely fine," he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest and trying to barge through to the front door and out of the nightmare.

"Mate," Leon said. "You are so not fine. Have you seen yourself lately? You look like an extra from ‘Thriller’."

"You always were prone to exaggeration, Leon," Arthur scorned. So, he’d lost a little weight and hadn’t bothered so much with keeping up his tan. That was hardly a crime. "What exactly are you all trying to say to me?"

"We-" Leon began, but was cut off by Gaius.

"We’re worried about you, Arthur. All of us here love you. I myself consider you a member of my family. We can’t stand around and watch this anymore. When was the last time you stayed in for the night?"

Arthur stayed in all the time! He searched his memory and came up blank and frowned.

"There – you can’t remember can you? You’re out until all hours every night, you bring back a different man every time – you work all day – you’re going have a nervous breakdown and it needs to stop."

Arthur failed to see the difference in how he was now and how he’d been before Merlin. It always came back down to him; Merlin, who had gone to New York with his new boyfriend without so much as glancing behind him.

"I’ve always been out every night and with a different guy every time, why are you all getting your knickers in a twist now?"

"Not like this you haven’t, Arthur," Gwen said, chewing her lower lip nervously. "It was never every night. It was never like this."

Arthur felt trapped, backed into a corner like prey that knew its number was up.

"Merlin-" Lance started, and Arthur balked.

"Don’t mention him!" he cried, backing up until he literally was in the corner of the room, a sea of concerned faces looking back at him.

"Why not, Arthur?" Morgana chimed. "Because of you, we all lost Merlin. You’re not the only one who misses him you know!"

"I don’t miss Merlin," Arthur replied, his chest tightening. "I’m glad he’s gone. All he ever did was drag me down. I wish I’d never met him!"

"Arthur," said Alice, approaching him like one might approach a feral animal, one hand held out tentatively, as though Arthur might need to sniff her first. "You love that boy. I know you miss him. You love him, any fool can see that; but he’s gone, and you need to accept it and stop trying to compensate for your loss this way." The hand landed on Arthur’s shoulder and before he knew it, Arthur was sobbing in her arms.

Merlin loved New York. He loved the tiny apartment he lived in with Gwaine. He adored the buzz of the city and the fact that there was always something to do, something to see, someplace to go.

No, his homesickness was not about the geography. He missed Gwen and Drew. He missed Alice’s coffee and Gaius’ quiet counsel. He missed Lance’s stoic friendship, Elena’s loyal dedication, Morgana’s sardonic wit, his mother – hell – he even missed Mordred!

He couldn’t go back though; as much as he’d longed to visit over Spring break, he couldn’t risk seeing Arthur. He couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t repeat what had happened at Christmas if he did, and he couldn’t do it to Gwaine. Even if he had finally admitted to himself that his feelings for Gwaine were never going to grow beyond a strong friendship with benefits.

"I saw Gwen the other day," Elena said when she called Merlin to finalise her plans to visit him for a week later in the year. "She said Arthur wasn’t doing too well."

Merlin buried the concern that instantly spiked in his chest and waited for Elena to elaborate.

"He’s in some kind of rehab."

Merlin closed his eyes and tried not to think of what Arthur had been doing to get him to the stage where rehab was the only answer. He knew Arthur had occasionally dabbled in a recreational smoke and Merlin had often joined him in that. But rehab?

"Then I’m glad he’s getting the help he needs," Merlin said. "Now, can you bring me a box of Lifeboat tea when you come, because I can’t cope with this shit they call tea over here any longer!"

Elena sighed, but didn’t call Merlin out on his avoidance turning the conversation to how the girl staying in Merlin's room - his exchange partner, Freya - had a huge crush on Morgana.

When the call ended Merlin turned on his laptop and checked his email. He was in touch with Gwen and Morgana via email, neither of them had mentioned Arthur going into rehab. Neither had Lance, and when he’d called Alice and Gaius at the weekend, nothing had been said then. He could only gather from the lack of information that Arthur didn’t want him to know.

When Gwaine came home from work Merlin said, "Elena says Arthur’s gone into rehab."

Gwaine shifted guiltily.

"You knew?"

Gwaine sat down at the other end of the sofa and said, "I talk to Lance at least every other day, of course I knew about this. It’s not rehab as you probably think, it’s not drugs or booze; he’s on a retreat. He’s exhausted is all."

"Exhausted!" Merlin gasped, wondering what he had to have been doing to run himself down so much. "So, why didn’t you tell me?"

Gwaine sighed and ran a hand through his long hair. "Because I knew you’d worry."

"I’m not worried," Merlin lied.

"Right, of course you’re not." Gwaine scooted along the sofa and took Merlin’s hand, brown eyes meeting blue. "Look, Merlin, I know this isn’t the best time, but – no – perhaps it is. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be second best."

"You’re not second best!" Merlin’s heart was hammering in his chest, but not for the reason it should be. He hated that Gwaine had known all along that Merlin didn’t love him, really love him. He hated that he had hurt his friend.

"Merlin, you love Arthur, you’ve always loved Arthur, and I was a fool to think that I could come between that. I thought that if I was the dependable one, the one who didn’t fuck around on you, that that would be enough, but even with thousands of miles between you, you still pine for him."

"I do not-"

Gwaine held up a staying hand and Merlin paused.

"At least be honest with me, Merlin, I deserve that much don’t I?"

Merlin hung his head. He nodded. "Are you leaving me?"

"I think I am," Gwaine said, and pulled Merlin into a hug. "I think we’re leaving each other."

Merlin got lucky and managed to get a place in the NYU dorms in Greenwich Village after moving out of his and Gwaine’s apartment. The room was much bigger than he had expected and he was soon settled in. Elena still came out as planned and Merlin spent the week showing her the sights of the city.

Of course, they ended up in a gay club before the week was out, Elena saying things like, ‘getting back on the bike’ and ‘more fish in the sea’. Her words fell on Merlin’s deaf ears, and he knocked back the many offers to buy him a drink – even when he saw Gwaine wrapped around a good looking blond, he felt nothing other than pleased that Gwaine was moving on. He certainly had no desire to pick anyone up himself. He told Elena as much and she said, "Arthur’s with someone now. If he can then you can."

"He’s ‘with someone’?" It was weeks since he had heard Arthur had been at this retreat place and he knew he had to have come home by now. No one ever mentioned him to Merlin. Every email held an Arthur shaped hole. Now he was home and had a boyfriend? Arthur didn’t do boyfriends!

Elena nodded, not even looking at Merlin as she ripped his heart out of his chest – her attention was on one of the scantily clad podium dancers. "Do you think they are all gay in here? I mean-"

"Who – is – this – boyfriend?" Merlin said slowly, making sure she heard him.

She still didn’t look at him when she said, "I think Alice said his name was Cenred or something. I saw them at the café the other week – he’s one of those leather wearing sorts – really hot."

Merlin felt hot. He’d always been safe in his certain knowledge that Arthur merely fucked around, that Merlin was the only one who’d ever gotten close, and if Merlin wasn’t with Arthur like that then he could be damned sure that no one else was either. It had been some comfort.

His head was still spinning when a tall skinny guy materialised beside him and offered to buy him a drink. Merlin was in the back room with his cock in skinny guy’s mouth before he had time to process exactly why he was doing this. When he came he was crying.

Later that night he lay in Elena’s arms and stared at the ceiling. "Why didn’t you tell me about Arthur sooner?" he asked.

"I hadn’t planned on telling you at all," she confessed. "I knew you would react like this, but you know what I’m like when I drink vodka." Vodka loosened her tongue and suppressed her inhibitions. She had actually asked podium dancer guy if he was gay, and run away like a five year old from the child catcher when he said he was bi and she suddenly remembered that the question was moot, because Elyan waited for her back home.

"I miss him," Merlin said. "I’m scared that I always will." It really was over. Arthur had moved on.

Elena stroked his hair and closed her arms more tightly around him, "You’ll meet someone else eventually. You’re nineteen, Merlin, not ninety."

"’M not nineteen till next month," he argued feebly. Merlin didn’t want to meet anyone else. The longer he was apart from Arthur the more he realised that there was no one else for him. He was royally fucked.

Arthur watched from the side-lines as almost everyone he knew visited New York and Merlin. Of course Elena went first, as Merlin’s best friend the world would have imploded had she not gone. Then Morgana went to New York on business and took Merlin out to dinner whilst there. Lance and Gwen went for a long weekend at the start of June and left Drew with Arthur because Morgana was at another conference, and Alice and Gaius treated themselves to a trip out and Merlin showed them both the sights. Even Leon and Percy hooked up with Merlin whilst taking their first holiday together, and Leon had admitted that they had chosen New York for that very reason.

Three weeks after Gwen and Lance’s trip, Gwen left Morgana for him and for a while the whole world tilted in its axis. They had been together for years! Gwen had never as much as looked at anyone else during that time as far as Arthur knew, let alone a man and Lance – he had once told Arthur he was bi, but honestly, Arthur had forgotten due to never seeing Lance with any women.

Gwen came to stay with Arthur because Lance’s place was too small for Drew. "What happened?" Arthur asked. "I mean, what really happened?"

Pain flickered over Gwen’s serene features and she replied, "Morgana cheated on me once, a few years ago. Do you remember Nimueh?"

"So Lance is revenge?" This should have been a surprise to Arthur, but Nimueh – well, her unsettling presence in their lives a few years ago had been a period in their lives he was glad was over. She had obviously had a deeper impact that Arthur had realised.

"No!" Drew started to squirm in Gwen’s arms so she set him down and watched him toddle over to his toy box that Arthur kept in the corner for him. "I just, I don’t know, Arthur, I thought I had forgiven her but it ate away at me – and lately I’ve spent more time with Lance and-" She looked at Arthur, her face shining with love.

Arthur knelt before her and hugged her to him. "You can stay here as long as you like," he offered, his mind slipping to Morgana and how she might be feeling right now, making a mental note to call her later. "Just promise me one thing?"

She nodded into his shoulder. "Drew stays a Pendragon. No child of mine is taking on the name DuLac!"

"How long are they staying for?" Cenred huffed, joining Arthur at the table and snatching a piece of toast off his plate. He was freshly showered and only wearing a tiny towel that just about covered his modesty. Arthur looked him over and went back to his newspaper. Instead of feeling turned on at the sight of this tanned, toned and frankly gorgeous bloke he now called his boyfriend, he merely felt irritated.

"If you are referring to my son and his mother, then they are staying as long as they want to," he replied, re-reading the same line in the paper for the third time, something about increased tuition fees which immediately made him think of Merlin and he internally berated himself.

"Oooh, touchy!" Cenred helped himself to coffee and raised one leg; his foot flat against the seat of the chair, letting Arthur see his half hard cock.

Arthur closed the paper, fighting with himself to get the image of Merlin out of his head. He had hoped that, given the time that had passed, he would be over this stupid obsession. "Come here," he growled at Cenred, who obligingly arranged himself elbows down on the table in front of Arthur. Arthur palmed his cheeks and parted them.

As he fucked Cenred into the table, he chased away all thoughts of Merlin, and if he saw his face when he came, then that was nothing but habit.

Gwen was buzzing with excitement when Arthur came home, hopping from one foot to the other as she talked to Lance, who leant back against the kitchen counter nursing a cup of tea and a devoted expression.

"What’s going on?" Arthur asked, reaching down to pick up his son who had immediately toddled over for his attention. He kissed the little boy on his forehead and looked expectantly at Gwen.

She glanced nervously at Lance and said, "Merlin’s coming home next month. We’re just planning the welcome home party."

Arthur didn’t know how he was supposed to react. "Oh."

It had been seven months. He often wondered how Merlin might have changed, how life in a place like New York might have made its stamp upon him. Like always, when his thoughts turned to Merlin, Arthur made sure to replace then with something else.

"We’ve found a place," Lance announced, and Arthur wondered how that could take second place in the excitement stakes to Merlin. "We move in next month. Your home will be your own again."

"Where?"

"Middle Street," Lance said, naming a road a few streets away. "It’s smaller than this place, but two bedrooms and a garden."

This time two years ago and Arthur would’ve been cringing at that description. So suburban, so boring – yet he lived in this kind of suburbia himself. He’d liked having Gwen and Drew around. He’d miss them when they’d gone and he just had himself again for company. He could ask Cenred to move in-?

He found the thought of Cenred living in his house permanently utterly abhorrent.

He didn’t want to think about what that meant.

Arthur had met Cenred through work. He was the CEO of a partner company, and Arthur had fucked him in the lift after they had worked late together over a mutual business deal. Arthur liked that they were equals and that Cenred liked to bottom.

Arthur hadn’t bottomed for anyone other than Merlin since his teens.

He’d wanted to try this – to prove everyone wrong – to stop fucking around and prove that he wasn’t hung up on Merlin after the damned intervention and his stint in that bloody hippy place in Herefordshire. Cenred was his first boyfriend since his teens as well. Merlin didn’t count. Arthur had never let Merlin refer to him as his boyfriend.

There were lots of things Arthur had never done with regards to Merlin. Places he should have taken him. Things he should have said. He should never have let him walk out of his life that was for sure.

When a consolation visit to Morgana – one that found her in good spirits because she'd known Gwen was going to leave her thanks to one of her dreams, and had already mentally prepared for it (and was now seeing Merlin's exchange buddy, Freya!) - resulted in the news that Gwaine and Merlin had split up, Arthur immediately broke things off with Cenred. As the spurned man gathered up the belongings he had accrued at Arthur’s house and stormed out, Arthur felt nothing but relief. If he hadn't already known it before, hearing this news about Merlin only confirmed it. He'd been wasting his time with Cenred, playing at being something he could only really see himself doing with someone else.

Arthur was on a flight to New York by the end of the week, having only fought with himself for three days over the wisdom of this move and having to wait a further two for a last minute gift for Merlin to be crafted; it had been Lance’s casual observation that the split had happened four months ago – and had Arthur really not known? - That had made Arthur kick himself into action. Four months was more than enough time for Merlin to find someone else, and that couldn’t be allowed to happen. Merlin belonged to him, and he was going to make sure Merlin knew that.

Arthur had been to New York numerous times before, but only ever for business. He'd stayed in whichever expensive hotel his PA had booked for him and taken limos to meetings and cabs to a nightclub or two. He'd never been to Greenwich Village, and all he knew about the place was that it was supposedly where 'Friends' had been set and it had a square with an archway in the middle that was like a mini Arc de Triomphe.

Luckily the cab driver knew where Arthur meant when he gave Merlin's address, and as Arthur was deposited on the sidewalk outside a corner apartment block, he actually thought it reminded him of 'Friends'. Apparently it was an old hotel converted into student digs sometime back in the eighties.

Merlin lived at number 18. Arthur paced the sidewalk outside, feeling nerves like he had never known before, breathing the humid air of summer in the city and feeling uncomfortable at the sweat that was trickling down his back beneath his shirt. Finally, after about twenty minutes, he gave in and walked over the road to a small air conditioned coffee shop and bought an iced latte and settled himself in the window seat, his eye on the lobby of the apartments, his mind whirring over what he was going to say to Merlin. It had been months. What if Merlin really didn't care anymore? He had always been the one wanting more from Arthur than Arthur had felt that he could give. What if the situations had reversed?

God, he'd just jumped on that plane without any real thought. He'd slept most of the way over as it was a night flight. Now here he was, and Merlin was somewhere within the vicinity and Arthur was too fucking scared to go and find him, to claim him as he wanted to.

As he watched the lobby, his eye was drawn to two figures that had stopped just outside the coffee shop door, both deep in conversation; Merlin. Arthur's heart skipped and his nerves stepped up a notch. Merlin was smiling and laughing with another man - a taller man with a spiky white blond haircut, a man who was looking at Merlin like he wanted to eat him.

Arthur felt his hope slither out of him and pool pathetically at his feet. What if he was already too late?

The man looked up and caught Arthur staring then, eyes widening as he licked his lips and raked his eyes over Arthur in interest. Arthur scowled and the man frowned; and then Merlin was turning, his shocked eyes clashing with Arthur's. Arthur tried to smile but he couldn't, his mouth wouldn't move and he was frozen in the scowl he had shown the other man.

Before Arthur could react, Merlin was there, in through the door and across the room, sitting in the chair opposite him. "What are you doing here?"

Instead of saying the simple truth, that he had come to find Merlin, he found himself saying, "Is he your new boyfriend?"

"You haven't seen me in months and that's the first thing you say to me?" Merlin's cheeks flushed red in anger. "You're unbelievable!"

"Merlin-"

"You're here on business I suppose and you thought you'd pop by and spy on me, is that it? I won't for one minute believe that your being in the cafe opposite my apartment is anything other than deliberate!"

Arthur was thrown by Merlin's anger.

"Merlin - who's this?"

Arthur's scowl returned.

"Just someone I used to know," Merlin said, getting up and casting a disgusted glance at Arthur. "You've had a wasted journey. Come on, Ed, let's go back to yours."

With that, he was gone as soon as he had arrived. Only 'Ed' turned back to look at Arthur as they departed. Merlin carried on straight over the road and in to the lobby of the building. This meant Ed lived there too.

What the hell had just happened? Could Arthur have made more of a mess?

Merlin made sure he stayed at Ed’s for as long as possible without seeming like he was after more than a couple of beers and a double bill of Charmed. When Ed started to yawn, Merlin escaped to his own room, one floor down, promising to see Ed the following evening for more of the same.

Merlin stepped into his bedroom, leant back against the door with a groan, suddenly unable to block out the fact that Arthur had been here and that he had walked away from him in a fit of pique. What had he been thinking? Arthur was still all he thought about, and seeing him there like that had thrown him. It had felt like he was seeing things, that this was fantasy Arthur come to claim him.

Of course, fantasy Arthur would have said something caveman-like about not being able to live without Merlin, and not asked him if Ed was his boyfriend! Merlin hadn’t been with anyone since that guy in the club when Elena was visiting.

Abruptly he realised he wasn’t alone in the room.

Arthur was sitting on his bed.

"What do you want?" Merlin said wearily, something curling inside of him. His first question should really have been ‘how did you get in?’ but it seemed that he was as inept as Arthur in the first question department.

Arthur stood up and walked over to where Merlin was still leaning against the door, standing up and standing toe to toe with him. "I missed you."

I missed you too. "Arthur, I’m exhausted," he said, toeing off his trainers and kicking them to one side. "What do you really want?" Arthur didn’t do anything to be ‘nice’, there was always an ulterior motive.

"This," Arthur said, his eyes on Merlin’s as he dropped to his knees at Merlin’s feet. Merlin knew he should protest as Arthur unzipped him and pulled out his already half hard cock, but he…couldn’t.

As he exploded in Arthur’s mouth and swayed on his feet from the combination of tiredness and pleasure, Arthur caught him. Merlin summoned all his strength and pushed Arthur away. "Leave me alone," he said, curling up in a ball on his bed with his back to his tormentor. "That was very nice, thank you, but I’ve moved on." God, he was such a liar. All this time away from this man and still he was everything. There was a painful silence; Merlin could hear Arthur breathing. Eventually there was a soft click and Arthur left.

All this time and Merlin was back exactly where he had started! Only this time some leather clad wanker named Cenred was the one waiting at home for Arthur, not Merlin.

When Merlin found the energy to move, he found a business card on the bed, Arthur’s name on the front, his messy scrawl on the back reading, Mandarin Oriental, room 315.

Merlin dropped the card onto his desk and flung himself onto his bed, trying not to think about how spectacular it had been to have Arthur’s lips and tongue on him like that, and how no one else had ever gotten close.

If Arthur thought Merlin was going to follow him half way across the city, he had another thing coming.

Merlin almost didn’t get out of the elevator. It was only when the only other occupant of the damned thing, someone who was going to a higher floor, pointedly coughed that Merlin took his finger off the door open button and said, "Um, sorry!" and had to run before the doors closed on him.

Arthur’s room was to the left. Merlin took a deep breath – he’d made it this far – so much for his vow that there was no way he was going to do this! He’d merely been lying to himself, something he’d become all too adept at since meeting Arthur.

Five, four, three, two, one. Merlin raised an unsteady hand and knocked. One, two, three, four – the door swung open and Arthur was revealed on the other side. Merlin’s heart clenched at the sight of him – his hair was a mess, his eyes sore and red rimmed and he was still dressed in pyjama bottoms. When he saw Merlin at the door, he narrowed his eyes, as though he didn’t recognise him at all.

"Are you going to leave me standing out here, or do I get an invite inside?"

"Right, yes – come in." Arthur stood back and allowed Merlin to pass.

Merlin found himself in a plush hotel room that his own meagre student digs would fit into tenfold. There was a discarded room service tray in the floor inside the door and a few of Arthur’s clothes scattered over the arm of the sofa. The bed was unmade.

Merlin walked to the window and looked down to the street below; anything to avoid looking at Arthur for a few moments whilst he worked out what to say about why he was there.

When Arthur didn’t speak either, Merlin turned to find him leaning against the wall next to the bed, watching Merlin.

"I wasn’t sure you’d be here," Merlin finally said. "I half expected you to be in some business meeting or at a conference."

"I’m not here on business," Arthur said, his eyes intent on Merlin.

"Oh. Then why-?"

"I’m here for you."

Oh.

"You know," Merlin began, his throat tight, "it’s customary to let someone know when you’re coming to visit them, and not lurk in cafés near where they live."

Arthur pushed himself away from the wall and moved closer to Merlin. "I didn’t plan it," he said. "I came to get you back."

What did Arthur mean, ‘get him back’? "I don’t understand."

The hope on Arthur’s face crumpled. "I told you I missed you. You have no idea. I want you to come back home - to me."

"Come back and pick up where we left off?" Even after everything Merlin was tempted. Yet he knew he would have to say no, he needed more. He couldn’t go back to the fucked up relationship they had shared. "No, I can’t."

Arthur took a step closer. "No, you misunderstand me. My fault, I’m not being clear." Another step and he was in Merlin’s personal space. "I want you and only you. I want to give it a try."

Arthur hadn’t felt this sick with nerves since – well, probably never - he’d always been arrogantly confident. Nothing had ever matter as much as this. Not the decision to have a baby with Gwen, not the night Drew was born, not the day he finally stood up to his father. Merlin mattered.

Merlin’s expression was confused. "I thought you had a boyfriend." And there it was; the pain flitted across his face so quickly most people would have missed it. Arthur hadn’t considered that Merlin would have heard about Cenred, which was foolish really seeing as all of his friends seemed to love Merlin more than him these days!

"I don't even know what I was thinking – trying to prove to everyone that I could maybe? After that damned hippy thing they made me go to it dawned on me that I don't have to be like my father if I choose not to – just because he can't keep it in his pants doesn't mean I have to be the same - and I don't have to be the bloody clichéd fuck up whose friends force an intervention on." He paused and searched Merlin's face for a reaction. "I broke it off with Cenred when I heard about you and Gwaine splitting up – which was only this week. If I had known about that before I’d have been here sooner."

Merlin looked doubtful. "I broke up with Gwaine months ago."

"Yes, and I only just found out."

God, this wasn’t how he’d planned on doing this, dressed in his pyjamas with morning breath and not having woken up with Merlin in his arms. What he wouldn’t give to have woken up sooner and had a shower and cleaned his teeth!

"You came as soon as you found out?"

Arthur nodded.

"You want me to come back and – what – move in with you again?"

"If that’s what you want."

"No more screwing other people – just each other?"

"Just each other." The thought of just being with one person no longer terrified Arthur if that person was going to be Merlin; what scared him more was the Merlin might say no.

"How long until you get bored of that?"

"I plan on never getting bored of that." Arthur brushed a stray dark curl behind Merlin's ear. He felt the blood rush to his head and he swayed into Merlin, who held out a staying hand.

When Merlin didn’t respond, Arthur said, "I’ve been such a fucking fool. I couldn’t see what was right in front of me from the start. I had to lose you to realise what I was throwing away. I never thought I could be with just one person, but not seeing you – it’s been hell."

"I don’t know what to say."

"Say you’ll give me a chance."

The silence stretched between them like a visible force until Merlin finally said, "Okay." His lashes dropped to fan his cheek before the blue eyes fixed intently on Arthur and his mouth curved in a heart stopping smile.

Arthur exhaled heavily and pulled Merlin into his arms. "I was hoping you'd say that," he said into Merlin's neck, knocked sideways by the relief and happiness that a simple 'okay' could engender in him. He thought of the ring, burning a hole in his jacket pocket and said, "Wait right there."

Arthur released him from his embrace and for a moment Merlin panicked. He hadn't dared admit to himself how much he'd longed for Arthur until that moment. What if he'd changed his mind? What if this was all some huge cosmic joke at his expense? He should never have listened to Morgana when she'd told him she'd seen it in a dream – seen Arthur and Merlin reunite – because what if it was that hug that she'd seen which was then promptly followed by nothing?

He watched as Arthur picked up his jacket off the chair and rummaged in the inside pocket. From there he produced a small velvet blue pouch, which he held out for Merlin. Merlin took it, loosened the ties and tipped the contents onto his hand.

It was a silver ring. Merlin gasped, because for Arthur to hand over a ring showed that he was serious, that he really would give up his lifestyle and try to make it work with Merlin.

Upon close inspection, Merlin could see that the ring very subtly depicted a head of a dragon, mouth open as though to breathe fire, but instead of fire he was firing out stars. "The stars are your magic," Arthur said quietly. The dragon was obviously Arthur. "Look inside."

Merlin lifted the ring to the light. Inscribed on the inside were three words. 'Arthur loves Merlin.'

"It's true, Merlin. Here-" he gently took the ring out of Merlin's hand and said, "May I?" He nodded towards Merlin's ring finger.

"Yes," Merlin whispered.

Arthur slid the ring into place. "It can mean whatever you want it to, Merlin. You're only nineteen; it doesn't have to mean marriage. It means whatever you want it to. It means I'm serious about this."

"No," Merlin said, watching Arthur closely and seeing him pale slightly – something that he might once have found satisfying but how he just wanted to make it better. "I want to. I don't know why people get so hung up on age! I want to marry you – but it doesn't have to be next week, Arthur, it can be in ten years. This is enough for now." It was more than enough. Merlin knew what Arthur was sacrificing to do this, it wasn't a commitment to be taken lightly and he had to show Arthur that he understood that.

He placed both hands on Arthur's shoulder and kissed him, pulling back before Arthur could take control.

Merlin took a deep breath and said, "Watch-" He closed his right hand over his left and shut his eyes to concentrate. He'd only been officially studying magic and what he was capable of for a year, but already he'd learnt so much. He felt his fingers tingle as the magic pooled from his fingertips. Somewhere outside the bubble he'd created around himself with his magic he heard Arthur's breathing, and he fed that into his thought pattern, channelling his magic with intent.

After what was probably only seconds, he was done. He held out his hand to Arthur. In the middle of his palm sat an identical ring to the one he now wore on his finger.

"Take it," Merlin invited, and Arthur did, staring down at the ring in wonder, his eyes wide.

"Merlin, how-?"

"I've learnt a lot since we last met, and we can talk about that later," Merlin said. "Look inside."

Arthur held up the ring as Merlin had done with his only minutes earlier. "Merlin loves Arthur," Arthur read, his voice thick with emotion. Merlin took the ring out of his surprised fingers and slid it on Arthur's ring finger.

Merlin stepped closer, curled a hand around the back of Arthur's neck and kissed him, feeling Arthur melt into him before he stepped back. "So – I've got to be in New York for another couple of weeks yet. Can you stay?"

"Just you try and stop me," Arthur laughed, undoing the belt on his robe and pushing it off his shoulders. "I thought today we could take the ferry to Liberty Island and be proper tourists. Care to join me in the shower before we go?" He held his arms out, sending Merlin reeling back to that first night in Arthur's flat.

Merlin grinned and gestured towards the bathroom door. "Just you try and stop me."