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It had been almost five months since Crait. The resistance was now based on Ajan Kloss, a green planet with plenty of resources. It was a safe place they could hide out on, and Rey could continue her jedi training. She didn’t know what her future held, what this training was preparing her for, when she would face Ben again. There was so much unsurety in her life right now, but she tried to distract herself with the people she’s surrounded by. Leia, Finn, Poe, Rose, chewie, the whole resistance had her back. And yet, all those people still werent enough, her and Ben’s force connections were still happening. It’s like no matter how many people Rey tries to distract herself with, there’s one she can’t get off her mind. Sometimes they go weeks without seeing each other, and other times it’s twice in one day. It’s always unpredicted and even after everything they’ve been through, she can’t help but feel compassion for him. They don’t know if they should forgive eachother, not yet, they know that they’ll have to face eachother again, and forgiveness will only make that moment harder. But still, Rey will be alone and all of a sudden he will be there with her. Sometimes it’s for only a few moments, and other times it’s for what feels like hours. They know they can use the connection to talk, to relate, because if they’re physically with one another fighting will ensue. Rey’s learned a lot about Ben and vice versa, she’d even consider them friends if they weren’t already natural enemies. Tonight, it’s one of the connections that catch them both off guard, and it feels like it lasts forever.
Rey is in her hut, it’s small, woven together with thick leaves, straw, mud and light stones. Many of the small shelters have been made for what was left ofnthe resistance, others sleep in their ship if it’s big enough, like and Finn and Poe often sleep in the Falcon. Other members of the resistance sleep in open caves on the side of the mountain, like Leia does, but Rey finds comfort in her small hut. Rey finishes changing into a nightgown when she hears a familiar voice clear his throat. She turns around, startled.
“How long have you been standing there.” Her eyes are wide with suddle embarassment.
“Not long enough.” He poked at her changing, a mischievous grin on his face.
“That’s not funny-“ Rey huffed.
“Alright, i’m sorry, it was only a few seconds I assure you I saw nothing.” Ben explained, taking a step towards the young girl.
“Am i talking to Ben or Kylo tonight.” Rey practically snapped.
Ben chuckled before clicking his tongue, “Rey of Jakku, so feisty and always so quick to assume things.” Rey knew she has caused this man pain, there’s absolutely no reason she can’t defend herself around him, she’s his biggest contender. Despite that fact, when he stands so close to her, with no intent to do her harm, she feels so small and helpless. Reys eyes dart down to his belt, no saber equipped, he really did just want to see her tonight. Her eyes look over to a chest behind him, where his grandfathers saber sat. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be needing it tonight. “That’s a very pretty gown.” He looked at the silky fabric, snapping her out of her thoughts. He said it not in a flirty way, he recognized the garb, “was it my mothers?”
Rey swallowed, no matter how many times she sees him, his intense appearance always suprised her, “Y-yes.”
Ben faintly smiles, he places a hand on thin strap of silk resting on Rey’s shoulder, sliding it between his fingers, “is this okay?” He asked, seemingly genuine.
His intentions were clear, he eas tired tonight, Rey could tell, he didn’t want to talk or argue or tease her, he just wanted to be with her, in silence if it needed to be so. She trusted him, something she’s understandably struggled with, but he seemed honest. Rey slowly nodded her head, studying his distinct face. His gaze focused on the dress. “I haven’t seen this since i was a very young boy-“ Ben practically whispered. “How is she?”
“Same old Leia...” Rey breathed out in humor, smiling softly. “You know her, there’s never a dull day with our general.” Ben smiles back, something Rey rarely saw. “Do you miss her?” Rey knew this was a pushy question. Bens hand pulled away from the soft material, looking at Reys exposed shoulder, as if he didn’t want to answer. She had light freckles on her collar-bone and shoulders. The sun of Ajan Kloss wasn’t so scorching that she had to protect her skin from it, like she had to on Jakku. Instead the consistent sunlight here darkened her freckles and tanned her skin a shade darker.
“Do you miss Jakku?” He finally said. Rey looked offended, as if he was trying to belittle her for her past, she then realized she did something similar to him. Rey was much worse at hiding her emotions than Ben was.
“I suppose i’m speaking with Kylo then-“
“No, think about it, is there anything about Jakku you miss?” He interrupted her.
Rey allowed herself to think for a moment, “I suppose i miss the rhythm of my life there, it was steady, consistent, there were no suprises. I miss the old woman at the bazaar who used to teach me what I could use to protect myself from getting sunburned, I miss her stories, they were how I learned about oceans and rivers and jungles...” Rey trailed off. “But my life now is so much better, I-I have friends and a family and food and stability.”
“Then you know how I feel about my mother.” Ben replied. “There are things I miss, like, like” he didn’t want to finish that sentence, but a gentle touch of Reys hand urged him to, “when I had nightmares she’d help me calm down when I woke up.” He sighed, “I don’t have that anymore.”
“Ben-“
“But i’m the most powerful man in the galaxy, and nightmares shouldn’t hold me back.” He finished his thought sternly. Reys hand pulled away from his. It was slightly tense for a moment, but he spoke up again, “what was it like?”
“what was what like?”
“living on Jakku, being a scavenger.” He wanted to distract himself, Rey could tell.
“Well,” she sat down in the cot behind her, Ben followed shortly after, sitting next to her. “It was hot, and the days there are much longer than the days are here.”
“Where is that?” Ben smirked, it was a joke he had made before. Rey gave him a look of annoyance.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She smiled, playing along, he smiled back, but not with his teeth. Rey thinks she is probably the only person who can make him smile anymore, she takes pride in that. “I didn’t have very many things, or very many friends, I was so lonely-“ Rey hadn’t taken time to reflect on her time on the sandy desert until this moment, she looked down at her lap as she spoke. Ben looked at her with understanding eyes, and this time it was a brush from his hand on hers that urged the conversation on. “I didn’t have much to eat you see, that’s why I was so skinny and small when we first met, i’ve gained a lot of weight in the last half year, my face has rounded out and I don’t feel like my saber is heavy anymore-“
Ben let out a small chuckle, making her look up at him, his smile was with his teeth this time, “you mean when you gave me this scar, you thought your saber was heavy?” His other hand that wasn’t on hers lifted up to touch his scar that interrupted his face. “Big bad jedi Rey thinking a lightsaber was heavy-“ He teased her, his tongue poking between his teeth. She rolled her eyes, smirking at his remarks.
“Well when you’re only nineteen and have only had one very small, very scarce meal a day for all of those years, your body struggles-“ Her gaze returns to her lap. “I was exposed to so much and I was so malnourished that I couldn’t gain muscle until only three months ago, and you can’t see my rib cage anymore and my thighs touch when I put them together now-“
“I think you look very nice.” Ben interrupted her yet again. This time it was flirty. She looked up at him, blushing very softly.
“But, my body still isn’t normal-“
“What do you mean?” Ben tilted his head.
“I shouldn’t say.” Rey looked away again, pulling her hand from bens and wrapping her knees to her chest, the nightgown hiking up. “It would be innapropriate considering our relationship.”
Ben put two and two together, “You haven’t had your period?”
Rey blushed deep this time, not out of flatter but from embarrassment. “How do you even know what that means?” She tries to hide her face.
“I’m not stupid, Rey. Just because i’m a man doesn’t mean I don’t know what it is, I mean i’ve had a girlfriend before.”
This was new information to the young jedi, “wow. her standards were low.” She teased the boy, that’s how their relationship was, constant teasing and prodding.
“wow...” he emphasized the word as to be offended.
“i’m sure she got her period at a regular age.” Rey huffed. “i’m nearly twenty and I can’t have my own children, I may never be able to, Leia has tried to help me understand and get it but-“
“It’s nothing to be ashamed about, Rey.” Ben leaned back against the wall of the hut, unintentionally he now had a nice view of the back of the gown, and Rey’s tan back. The line running down the middle of her back was deep, and her shoulders rolled forward, emphasizing the thin straps of the dress and how much skin it showed. He looked at her, her skin looked so soft, so untouched, there wasn’t a scar to be seen. He couldn’t help but notice that all of Rey’s hair was down and it draped over her young skin. Her hair was thicker and darker too, he noticed. This was the most beautiful he had ever seen Rey. He lifted his huge hand up and grazed his fingers along her exposed skin, making her shudder. “Is this okay?” He asked a second time.
“Yeah, it feels nice.” She honestly replied, Ben flattened his hand and rubbed his palm all over her back, from the exposed section to the skin covered by silk.
“You want children?” Ben eventually asked while still rubbing Rey’s back.
“I do, eventually, one day, not now, not when I still have to deal with you.” The jokes continued.
“Fine then.” He pulled his hand away from her back.
“No-“ Rey whined at the loss of touch, which made Ben smile yet again. “Fine. But the embarrassing part is that I don’t even know how it works-“
“How what works?” Ben raises an eyebrow. Rey turned her head, looking st him over his shoulder before leaning back against the wall next to him, resting her legs against his, her lower half twisting to feel his warmth.
“You know...” She felt too embarrassed to say it.
“How babies work? Like sex?” Ben jumped right to it, not sugar coating it even in the slightest. Rey deeply blushed yet again, she hid her face in her palms.
“You, Ben Solo, are so embarrassing.”
Ben Solo
She has never said his full name, no one had to him, not in years.
“Would you like me to explain?” He gently asked, turning his head to look at her, his chest felt tight, his heart was pounding.
“You’re funny-“ She thought he was joking again.
“No, I mean it, I don’t mean to take advantage of you, and I don’t want it to be awkward, I will just honestly explain to you.” He meant it. Rey looked at him, their heads were very close, she could feel his breath on her lips.
She thought about it, “I suppose-“
“Do you trust me?”
Rey raised an eyebrow, “well you’ve tried to kill me before, you’ve tortured some of the people dearest to my heart and you’re the most feared man in all of the galaxy, i’m not sure.” She was joking, Ben knew that, but her words still hurt a little.
“I mean it, Rey, I need to know that you’re okay with this.” He was serious in his sentences.
Rey understood, “Alright.”
Bens soft hand moved from its rest on his leg across his body to her, his fingers lightly rubbed the exposed skin of her thigh, “Is this okay?” He asked yet again. Reys pupils were blown huge, her breath hitched, and she slowly nodded. Her skin was so soft, untouched, young and beautiful. Both of their hearts were pounding. He grazed her thigh up and down, ensuring she was safe, he wasn’t going to hurt her. “Well, sex is fun-“
“I cant do this.” Rey blushed.
“We don’t have to.” Ben reassured. “only if you want to.”
Rey looked into his eyes, her eyebrows starting to knit together, she thought again for a moment before speaking, “okay, i want to know, i do.”
Ben nodded, he wanted to do everything in his power to help her feel comforted. “It’s fun,” he began again, “its supposed
to be, it makes you happier and relieves stress and connects you to whatever person you’re doing it with.” He explained, Rey just nodded, trying understand what he was telling her. The hand on Reys back pulled her closer to Ben. “and if you want- or if you’re not careful- you can get pregnant from it.”
“well i know that-“
“Rey are you gonna let me explain or not?” He huffed.
“okay i’m sorry, i’m sorry.”
Bens hand trailed up from her thigh and onto her stomach that was covered by the nightgown. His palm practically covered her entire core. Even though she had gained weight, she was still incredibly small, especially compared to him, and his hand was warm against her. “And when you get pregnant, the baby grows here.” Rey looked down at his large hand that covered her abdomen. “And when you’re having sex...well uh...the guy goes into your body, there’s a place just for when you’re having that type of sex, and it’s right here.” His pointer finger drew a line from her abdomen to right above where her legs split. Rey shivered, her entire body getting a shock of adrenaline. “And then when you’re having your baby,” His gaze moved from his hand up to her face, “the baby will come out from the same place.”
“oh.” Rey explained.
“what?” He tilted his head.
“that’s a lot more simple than what i thought.” She giggled.
“what did you think happened?” Ben raised an eyebrow, his hand moving back up to her stomach.
“nevermind what I thought... you said it’s fun, i thought it was just to pregnant?” She asked.
“well you might say that’s what it’s made for, but what’s so fun about it is that it feels good too, and like i said it does lots of good things for your body.”
“It feels good? it sounds like it would hurt, something going up inside of me-“
Ben was the one blushing this time, “well sometimes it does, but only for a little bit, and hopefully whoever you’re doing it with will be slow, and kind, and patient.” He said each word with meaning, like he wanted to make a point to Rey. “But that’s not even what makes it feel good.”
“What makes it feel good?”
“You ask a lot of questions, Rey.” Ben knew if he explained any further he wouldn’t be able to stop. Every dirty thought he had of Rey was rushing to his mind, every late night alone in bed, every image of how she looked kneeling in front of him in the throne room, every dream he’s had of her, the time they first touched through the force connection... He knew if he let himself do this, the next time they had to fight would be the hardest one yet, and he wasn’t sure if he could fight a girl who he’s been intimate with, especially not Rey.
“Well i’m sorry for wanting to know.” She pulled her legs away from his, causing the hand on her stomach to slide off.
“Wait-“ Ben knew he’d regret this, but he didn’t want this tender moment to end.
Maybe he didn’t need to do it for himself, he could just innocently show her, and he’d keep his desires to himself.
Even though there was nothing innocent about it.
“You’ll show me?” Rey knew she was playing with fire.
“I suppose, but you have to promise me that you understand i’m just showing you, it doesn’t mean anything.”
Rey smilied big, “I promise.” Her legs retuned to their resting position on Bens lap.
“I need you to lay long ways.” He said. Rey shifted so she was laying parallel to the cot, her legs stretching out. Ben was thankful there was enough room to lay next to her, where ever she was laying was wide enough for the both of them. Rey sat with her back against the wall of the hut. He propped himself up with his right arm so he was turned into her, his head was parallel with her shoulders, and from this upper angle he could see down the top opening of the gown, having a straight view of her small breasts.
“Spread your legs.” He softly said. She followed his orders, Ben questioned his actions before grabbing the hem of the dress and starting to pull it up. “Is this okay?” He asked another time.
“Yes.” She nodded as she spoke. His hand on the opposite side from her reached across his body and began to rub her inner thigh this time.
“Is this alright?”
“mhm”
“So down here, you have three holes.” He felt foolish but shook off the feeling, “and the biggest one is the one you typically use during sex.” His hand moved up to her core, he used his pointer and middle fingers to circle around her clothed opening. Massaging it very softly through her underwear. She gasped, it was her first time ever being touched. She began to get wet, and Ben was touching everywhere except where she ached. He rubbed the skin against her legs that began to get soft and round. His two fingers moved in to the lips of her opening, still rubbing through her panties. She gasped loud this time, and Ben’s eyes trailed up her body and to her face, where she watched what his very large hand was doing. “That’s where your hole is.” His voice was low and gruff.
“oh...” Rey moaned at his touch, he wasn’t sure if he would finger her or not. He was sure that he was getting hard, though.
“And this.” His two fingers trailed up to the hood of her entrance, “is what makes it feel good.” He pushed into her clit, adding pressure before beginning to rub it side to side. This time Rey vocally moaned, she lifted her hand away from Ben to cover her mouth as she watched him grope her. Her hand that was close to him searched for his right hand, and when she found it, she laced her fingers in between Ben’s, grasping tightly. Her hand was so small compared to his. Wetness began to seep through Rey’s underwear, and Ben was definitely hard now. She squeezed his hand tight and he quickened his pace on her nub.
“Oh stars-“ She moaned. “Ben please-“ Her breath was shaky.
“Please what, sweetheart?”
Sweetheart?
“More, please.” She begged.
“Can I touch you under your panties?” He asked.
“Mhm.” She eagerly nodded her head.
Ben’s left hand pulled away and slipped under the band of her panties. his fingers going straight to the lips of her cunt to gather the wet lubricant before returning to her clit, rubbing soft circles into it. Rey suppresses a whine.
“It’s okay to moan.” He looked at her face again, his eyebrows lifted as he studied her expressions of ecstasy. Rey moaned loudly, closing her eyes. She was blushing so much, it made Ben smile at how innocent and tender she was. “You’re doing so good, rey.” He whispered.
She hummed at his sweet praises, “yeah?” her voice was high pitched and needy.
“yes, you’re doing so good. It feels good, doesn’t it?” He couldn’t believe he had one of the most powerful jedis of all time under his control, moaning and begging for his touch. Rey was a serious threat to him, but in this moment it was all about making her feel good.
“mhm.” She bit her knuckle. Ben carefully dipped the tip of his finger into her entrance and as quickly has he did that, she was cumming all over his hand that was stuffed in her cotton panties. He rubbed her clit through her orgasm, and when she was done, he pulled his hand out of her panties. It was covered in her essence. “What’s that?” she asked.
Ben thought he was going to die over how cute and naive she was. “That helps it feel good, makes it easier and smoother, and it’s proof your body liked what was happening.” Ben explained, he wanted to lick it clean, he wanted to taste Rey so bad, he was so hard, he could at least give himself this. But he promised he wouldn’t, just so he wouldn’t get attached to-
“You want to taste it, don’t you?” she mumbled.
“Was it that obvious?” he chuckled.
“You’re not so good at hiding your emotions around me, Solo.” Rey teased. Their hands were still tightly held together. “Go on, taste it, I know you want to.” Rey of Jakku would be the death of him.
And with her permission, Ben brought his free hand up to his lips and licked her cum off his fingers, closing his eyes as he tasted how sweet she was. He wanted more. Rey watched in awe as the most dangerous man in the galaxy licked his fingers clean of her cum. She wasn’t stupid either, and saw how hard he was.
“Your turn?” She asked.
“No, no we can’t, i’m alright, really.” Ben stopped her, he didn’t want to take advantage of her in this intimate moment. “let me just lay here, with you, please?” He so sweetly asked.
Kylo Ren saying please like such a good innocent boy, she couldn’t refuse, “Of course, i’m sorry I came so fast-“
“No, Rey please don’t alologize, you did so well, and it was your first time being touched in such a way, I don’t blame you.” He smiled before scooting up to lay level with her head, which had moved from the wall to her pillow. Their hands pulled apart and he wrapped his hands around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her neck. Before he got too comfortable, however, he lifted his head up and very softly kissed her temple before returning to her shoulder. Reys left hand found its way to Bens untamed, curly, dark hair, running her fingers through it. Her right hand held Ben’s bicep. She turned her nose so it was in his hair, and she smelled him, getting lost in his scent. It wasn’t long before Rey could feel Ben Solos tears on her neck. He was very softly and very quietly crying against her smooth skin. It broke her heart.
Ben Solo was a broken boy. Tonight was the first time in a very long time he felt complete.
He wasn’t lying about his nightmares, and maybe tonight, he wouldn’t have any. Rey felt like crying too, she loved this boy. She wasn’t sure if it was romantic or not, but whatever it was, it was genuine and pure.
Bens head eventually made its way to her chest, rising and falling with each one of her breaths, his ear was directly above her heart, and Ben Solo fell asleep to the sound of Rey of Jakku’s beating heart. The same beating he’s tried to end. Rey was still awake when he had fallen asleep, and when he had finally slept in her arms, it all felt so right, two halves of one whole. That is when Rey began to silently cry too.
She wanted to stay here forever, wrapped in each other’s bodies.
Rey finally fell asleep too. She falls asleep with her nose in Bens hair. She falls asleep with his heavy head resting on her chest. She falls asleep, and dreams about Ben Solo.
And, when she wakes up the next morning, he’s gone.