Archive of Our Own

Spring

Hajime doesn't remember the last time there was a knock on his door, so when it happens one evening in early spring, in the midst of a late snowstorm, he almost doesn't answer it. He only changes his mind once the knock sounds again, feebler this time. The only thing worse than a visitor at this point would be a dead body on his doorstep come morning.

When he opens the door, he is met with a man who stands just slightly taller than him, wrapped in a dark wool cloak that is coated in white. Snowflakes are sprinkled through his brown hair, almost as pale as his skin. Well, the skin that isn't dusted red from cold.

"I'm..s-s-sorry," the man says, his teeth chattering together so hard Hajime can hardly understand what he is saying. "I...I g-g-got lost..."

Hajime opens the door wider, pulling the man inside. He takes three steps before collapsing. Hajime grunts, catching his weight. He shuts the door with his foot as he shifts the stranger into a better grip.

"Come on, you need to get out of these clothes," Hajime says, helping the man down to the ground. He sways slightly as Hajime starts unwrapping the scarf from his neck. The snowflakes are melting rapidly in the heat of the cottage, and by the time Hajime has relieved the stranger of his cloak, scarf, gloves, boots, and socks, there are rivulets of cold water trickling from his hair, down his face, and he is leaning heavily against Hajime.

Hajime bites his lip as he studies the man, then the bed. "Okay, look, we need to get you to the bed."

"You're handsome, but we just met..." the man says, his voice slightly blurry at the edges. His eyes are glassy and bright with fever.

Hajime snorts. "Believe me, I don't want an idiot who would be out in this kind of storm to share my bed. But if you don't want to die, you need to get warm."

The words seem to do the trick, because the man turns his focus to helping Hajime stand him up. "Sit here," Hajime commands when they get to the bed, then crosses the room to get a towel and start the tea kettle. He also takes warmers out of the fire, hoping they're hot enough to do something.

He puts the warmers under the blankets closest to the man, who has started shivering. Shivering is a good sign; it means his body is still responding to stimuli. Or responding again. Hajime checks for any dark patches of skin, but so far everything appears normal. He breathes a sigh of relief.

"My name is Tooru. Tooru Oikawa," the man says, his glazed eyes meeting Hajime's once Hajime has tucked him into bed. "It's so hot in here."

"You need to get your body as warm as possible," Hajime answers. He goes back to the stove to finish brewing a tea to reduce the man's fever and help with any other illnesses he may have picked up.

When he is finished, Tooru's eyes have drifted shut. Hajime sighs. "Tooru. Hey, Tooru." Hajime shakes his shoulder slightly, and Tooru's eyes finally flutter open. The sparkling of his eyes make the brown stand out, and his cheeks are still flushed red. His hair is matted from water and probably from perspiration. But regardless, Hajime is struck by how pretty he is, as if he is a woodland creature bound into human form.

Hajime shakes his head. This is no time to get distracted by the man's beauty. He could die if he isn't taken care of. "This will make you feel better. Drink it." Hajime props Tooru's head up. Tooru wrinkles his nose when it gets close to his face.

"Are you going to poison me? I already did that, it wasn't fun."

"No, it's just elderberry, lemon, and yarrow," Hajime says and then, "Wait. You were poisoned?"

"Yeah, but it hasn't happened in a long time." Tooru's head lolls onto Hajime's shoulder. Hajime jostles him back to coherency. "Oh, thanks."

Tooru tries to take the cup from Hajime, but Hajime doesn't let it go. Instead, he guides it to Tooru's lips and trickles some into his mouth.

"Mmm, it's good," Tooru says, his eyes closing again. Hajime continues to pour the tea into his mouth, slowly, until it is gone. "My name is..."

"Tooru, yes, you told me." Hajime hesitates, then says, "I'm Hajime. Iwaizumi."

"Iwa..." Tooru's voice trails off. Hajime holds his breath, waiting for him to continue, waiting for him to figure out who he is, but Tooru's is really asleep this time. Relieved, Hajime gently lays him back down, tucking the blankets closer to him.

He thinks back to their conversation, about being poisoned and how blasé Tooru had been about it. "Who are you?" Hajime whispers. As expected, the only answer is silence

***

Tooru stays in his delirious state for three days. The snow stops by the next afternoon, and when Hajime looks out the window, it appears more winter than spring.

On the third day, Tooru opens his eyes, and Hajime knows immediately that he is better. It has something to do with the sharpness in Tooru's expression, as if he has woken up expecting to be ambushed. "Hey," Hajime says, taking over a cup of tea. Tooru studies it warily, then shifts his gaze to Hajime. Hajime stands there and waits. He knows what it is like to wake up with no recollection of where you are. He still experiences the disorientation sometimes.

"Where am I?" Tooru finally asks, taking the mug that Hajime is still offering him. Hajime watches him press his long palms against it, as if to steal as much warmth from it as possible. Hajime can't believe he can still be cold. He has almost every blanket Hajime owns around him.

"The Forest of Taris," Hajime says. "Close to the western border."

"This area is practically uncivilized," Tooru says, surprised.

Hajime snorts. "That's the point."

Tooru furrows his brow, studying Hajime again. Hajime scowls back at him. Finally, Tooru shrugs. "Ah, well, good thing I found you, or I would have had an inconvenient time in that snow."

"You were almost dead, idiot! What were you even doing out there, anyway?"

Tooru shrugs his shoulders, finally breaking eye contact with Hajime. "I was looking for something important." He sighs. "I'll have to go back without it, I guess. Wonder how much trouble I'll be in."

Hajime doesn't know how to answer, doesn't want to answer and divulge anything he doesn't have to, so he just takes the mug when Tooru is finished and puts it next to the rest of his dishes. "How long have you lived out here, Iwa-chan?"

"Iwa--Where in all hells did you come up with that name?"

Tooru furrows his brow. "You told me that was your name. Well, actually, I don't remember your whole name, so I just decided to call you Iwa-chan."
Hajime frowns. The name is mildly irritating, but it gives him some more clues about where Tooru is from. "You spent time in Tarisin, then?"

Tooru sits very still. Hajime nods as that piece of the puzzle falls into place. "Strange things go on in Tarisin," Hajime says as he dishes Tooru some stew. Tooru doesn't answer, but the wariness is back, as if Hajime has threatened him. He offers the stew to Tooru, who just eyes it as if Hajime may have tampered with it. "It's not poisoned."

Tooru wrinkles his nose. "I know, Iwa-chan, I'm just...not hungry..."

His growling stomach proves otherwise. Hajime shrugs, starts to withdraw his hand, but Tooru reaches out quickly. "But I guess if you made it, then it would be rude of me to refuse."

Hajime tries to suppress a smile as Tooru spoons the stew into his mouth as quickly as he can without spilling. "I'll leave tomorrow."

Hajime's grin vanishes. He has lived alone for years, and Tooru hasn't really been good company, but still. It just seems a little lonely.

Hajime goes about his day as normal. Because of the snowstorm, he has to take extra care of his crops. He should go into town soon, or at least ask Hiro or Issei to pick up some more herbs from the apothecary, at the very least. Tooru has all but wiped out his emergency stock.

He finds his thoughts turning to Tooru a lot as he goes about his business. He knows Tooru is from Tarisin, the largest city that borders the forest (hence the name). It lies almost completely opposite of where they are now, two days' walk if you don't run into any trouble. The forest has a reputation of being dangerous, and rightly so, which is why Hajime has made his life as far from Tarisin as possible. Almost no one would think to look for him here.

Except Tooru is about to go back, and if word gets out that Hajime is here...

"Wow, you're really kneading that hard, aren't you? What did that poor dough do to you?"

Hajime is dragged out of his thoughts by Tooru himself. He is sitting in a chair by the stove, close to where Hajime is kneading dough for bread. He has followed Hajime around like a shadow while he did his indoor chores, sometimes asking questions, but mostly just observing. Hajime scowls at him, but finishes the bread and puts it in the oven.

As he is wiping the table down, Tooru says, "You don't talk a lot, do you?"

"Not much to say," Hajime answers. "I see it doesn't stop you, though."

"Not at all! I can talk about anything and everything for as long as you want me to!" Tooru grins.

"No, thanks," Hajime says, smirking when Tooru's face falls into a pout.

"Maybe that's why you live in the middle of the forest. Because you're just a simple-minded creature who wants to distance himself from society."

"You caught me," Hajime answers, refusing to play Tooru's game.

He sighs dramatically, but he stays quiet as Hajime finishes getting dinner started, then plops down on the bed. "What do you want from me?"

Hajime glances over at Tooru, who looks nervous. He picks at his shirt (borrowed from Hajime), worrying a thread that has come loose. "What do you mean?"

Tooru glances up for just a second before averting his eyes. "I mean," Tooru swallows, "you saved my life, so I owe you a life debt. I can't...I have other obligations, but, you know, a life debt is really important."

Hajime's brow furrows. As a soldier, he had saved many people's lives, and many people had saved his. Life debts aren't something he is used to calling on, although he guesses he could if needed. The last time he had had to fulfill a life debt, it hadn't ended very well, and he would prefer to spare anyone else the experience. "Don't worry about it."

Tooru frowns. It is the most serious Hajime has seen him so far. "There must be something you want from me."

Hajime rolls his eyes. "Contrary to your belief, not everything revolves around you. You knocked at my door so, like any normal person, I let you in out of the storm. Sure, maybe you would have died out there, but we don't know that for sure." Hajime shrugs.

Tooru presses his lips together. "You really don't know who I am."

"Just like you don't know me," Hajime snaps. "Fine, if you're so eager to please. Come back and see me once every season for the year. Then you can be free or whatever."

"That's not a very good debt," Tooru mutters, but his body relaxes back into the chair.

The rest of the night is relatively quiet, with Tooru trying to start conversations, and Hajime realizing that he doesn't know how to continue them. "Where have you been sleeping?" Tooru asks finally when Hajime tells him to stop talking and sleep.

Hajime shrugs and gestures to the blanket by the stove. Tooru frowns. "That's not comfortable."

Hajime sighs. "I've slept in worse places. Just go to sleep; you're leaving tomorrow and I'll have my bed back."

Tooru grumbles to himself but shifts down into the bed. Hajime rolls away from him. He lies there for a long time, trying to go to sleep, when suddenly, he hears. "Thanks, Iwa-chan."

He pretends to be asleep so he doesn't have to answer back.

***

In the morning, Tooru refuses to take nothing more than a small pack with only a few days' rations. "I can find my own food," he says with a grin that Hajime has come to realize is fake. "And besides, I'm getting out of this forest as soon as possible!"

Hajime hovers around him, feeling embarrassingly like a parent wishing their child farewell for the first time. Tooru turns around, smiling something a little closer to real. "Thanks, Iwa-chan."

Hajime feels his cheeks heat up. "Don't call me that. See you later."

Tooru nods. Hajime doesn't go inside until Tooru has disappeared into the trees.

He goes about his usual day, but it feels so quiet. So normal. He sits down to dinner by himself, and he almost feels lonely. How could Tooru have left such an impression on Hajime's life in so little time?

Well, he has three months until he sees him again. He might as well make the most of it.

Summer

It is the height of summer when Tooru comes visiting again. Hajime is in town with Hiro and Issei at an annual market festival when he sees Tooru's telltale hair. He is meandering down the stalls, making conversation with people, sometimes buying small trinkets but mostly just browsing. Hiro raises his eyebrows when he notices what has caught Hajime's attention.

"You sure do have a type," Issei says when Hiro points him out. Hajime scowls at him, but Issei just shrugs his shoulders.

Hajime and Issei had served in the army together, and before that, had grown up next door to each other. When Hajime had told Issei he was deserting, Issei had backed him up immediately. If Hajime owed anyone a life debt, it was Issei.

"Whatever," Hajime says, but he can feel his cheeks are hot. "I'm surprised he even found this town."

The town is tiny, and Hajime isn't quite sure how it stays afloat. He knows they aren't really affiliated with any of the bigger kingdoms, that it is a popular place for refugees, but he doesn't want to know how or why that is the case, as if the knowledge would make him responsible for something he doesn't want to take responsibility for. He had had enough of that in the army.

Tooru spots Hajime a few moments later. His eyes light up, and he puts his arm up to wave. Hajime didn't realize how much he had missed his strange visitor until he sees him there, beaming at him, his pretty brown eyes alight with excitement.

"Iwa-chan! I didn't think I would see you here! I was just going to ask around until I stumbled across someone who knew how to get to your house. These people are all so lovely, it's one of my favorite festivals to attend."

Hajime frowns. "You've been here before?"

Tooru laughs. "Of course! I'm a treasure hunter, Iwa-chan, I've been all sorts of places. So! Who are your friends? Oh, you're the blacksmith in town, aren't you?"

Issei nods. "Issei Matsukawa. This is Takahiro Hanamaki."

"Delighted. Should we go get dinner?" Tooru loops his arm with Hajime's. Hajime rolls his eyes, but doesn't make a move to disentangle himself. He allows himself to be dragged down the street to the pub, listening to Tooru, Issei, and Hiro make small talk about their lives, the town, Tooru's most recent travels.

"I see Iwa-chan is just as talkative as before," Tooru says, nudging his elbow into Hajime's side gently as they sit down to dinner.

"Still nothing to say," he answers. Tooru chuckles, low and throaty, and Hajime doesn't know why that makes his mouth dry.

"Iwa-chan, so mysterious." Tooru says, resting his elbows on the table, his chin propped on the backs of his hands. "Don't worry, I'll get to the bottom of it! You can't hide from me forever."

That makes the table go awkwardly silent, and suddenly Hajime is having a hard time breathing. Tooru's playful expression falls, as he searches everyone's faces. Hiro finally coughs. "How long are you staying?"

Tooru glances over at Hajime, as if he is uncertain of the answer. "Oh, only a few days. I have a tight deadline, but I was around, so I wanted to stop by and see Iwa-chan."

Hajime's face goes warm again. It has been a long time since he has seen anyone outside of Issei and Hiro, or the few people he sees while getting groceries or medicines. He doesn't know why Tooru makes him feel like this, flustered and tongue-tied, when he hasn't experience these feelings since he was a new teenager.

Their food arrives before Hajime has to say anything, and for the first time all night, Tooru is quiet, focused on his food. Hajime, Issei, and Hiro have a silent conversation, something along the lines of, What am I supposed to do about this? from Hajime and Hiro nodding toward Tooru, implying, Him, of course,, to which Issei shrugs, saying, Up to you, but he's cute and seems to like you, and all of them agreeing at the table that he seems relatively harmless, even with the fact that he's maybe looking for Hajime.

Tooru yawns as soon as dinner is finished. "I'm tired, Iwa-chan. Can we go home, now?"

"Yeah," Hajime says. He turns to Issei and Hiro. "We'll see you in the next few days?"

"If you can get out of bed," Makki says with a lascivious grin. Hajime kicks him under the table, but his expression doesn't change.

"Please," Tooru says with a sniff. "Iwa-chan has to work harder than this to get me into his bed."

"You've slept there three nights already," Hajime says, "I don't see it changing any time soon."

Tooru looks at him, surprised. Hiro and Issei start laughing. Tooru turns to them, looking betrayed. "I was sick! We weren't..."

"But you were in my bed," Hajime says, voice smug. "Come on, Trashykawa, you're the one who wanted to get home."

Tooru pouts at him but follows him out of the pub. He shivers slightly, because, while it is the peak of summer, it still gets cold during the night, and there is a breeze coming from the east. Hajime offers his arm, which Tooru takes gratefully.

"I'm really glad I found you here," Tooru says after about twenty minutes of silence as they make their way up the trail. "I don't know if I would have been able to find your cottage again. It was pretty well hidden."

"I'm surprised you found it the first time," Hajime responds. Tooru hums his agreement. The rest of the walk is silent. Hajime likes the companionable silence, the warmth on his left side, the way Tooru seems to fit next to him, as if he has been there all along. "What brought you out here again? I doubt it was just me."

"Oh," Tooru says with a shrug. His face is pleasant, a smooth mask. "I was just out looking for something, but then I realized where I was, so I decided to come see Iwa-chan instead. And it was a great idea! Your friends seem really nice. Have you known them for a long time?"

The question seems innocent enough, but it puts Hajime on edge. "Since I got here."

"When did you get here?"

"A while ago."

Tooru glances over at Hajime, his mask cracking just slightly to show a little bit of hurt, but he covers it up quickly. "Ah, well, I don't usually stay in one place for very long, so I don't have a lot of friends. I brought you your clothes back that you lent me."

Tooru rambles farther away from their personal lives, which Hajime is relieved about. He has an innate trust when it comes to Tooru, and that scares him. If Tooru is who Hajime thinks he is, this could be very bad for him. Especially because this is the second time that Tooru has implied that he has been looking for something in this area and hasn't found anything except Hajime both times.

When they get back to Hajime's cottage, Tooru looks around, as if seeing it for the first time. Honestly, it is almost like he is, as he had been delirious for most of his first stay. "Iwa-chan hasn't changed much," Tooru comments as he sets his bag by the door.

"No point," Hajime says as he pulls some blankets out of a trunk and puts them by the stove. Tooru blinks his eyes slowly. "It's good hospitality to offer you the bed."

"But..." Tooru says then sighs. "Okay. You're so noble, Iwa-chan. I don't deserve it."

Hajime frowns. "Of course you do. I offered you a place in my home. The least I can do is make sure you're comfortable."

Tooru looks away. "I've been traveling for a long time, Iwa-chan. Let's just go to bed, shall we?"

Hajime shrugs. After the two of them have changed and situated themselves into their sleeping quarters, Hajime lays wide awake listening to Tooru's sleep sounds. He wonders what is going to happen the next day. Maybe he should take Tooru fishing. He grins, thinking about how he would react to every little thing. He is already dreading the day that he has to leave.

***

"Makki, I caught the biggest fish yesterday!" Is how Tooru greets Hiro as Hajime and he are ushered into his house. "Iwa-chan didn't say it, but he was impressed."

Hajime cuffs Tooru's head as he passes him. "He screamed and almost dropped the fishing line. I had to reel most of it in."

"It still picked my bait over yours," Tooru says, as if that has any weight on the skill of actually catching a fish. Makki says something along those lines, and they get into a ridiculous argument on the merits of bait, as if either of them actually fish often. Hajime finds Issei in the kitchen. Their house is big, much bigger than Hajime's one-roomed affair, and the kitchen is tucked away from their living area.

"You look happy," is the first thing out of Issei's mouth, which makes Hajime scowl. Issei gives a lazy grin, then goes back to the finishing touches on the slabs of steak he has prepared. "I figured His Highness would appreciate fine dining."

"He's not a lord," Hajime says, his voice quiet. Issei nods, the teasing gone from his expression.

"I really think he's safe. The Huntsman would have already turned you in."

Hajime shrugs. "Maybe it's in his benefit to play a different game. He hasn't found...well, you know. He hasn't found it."

Issei shrugs. "He lit up when he saw you. His whole demeanor shifted. That's not something you can fake, Hajime."

Hajime frowns. "Maybe he's a good actor."

"Not that good."

They leave the conversation there, because Hajime is afraid that if he talks about it more, if he keeps opening himself up for vulnerability to creep in, he won't recover from these feelings when Tooru ultimately crushes them. Once a Huntsman, always a Huntsman. That is, until you die.

Dinner is good. Tooru fits in at the table as if he has always been there. "I'll come back in autumn. I want to see the Harvest Festival."

"It's not any more exciting than the summer one," Makki says skeptically.

Tooru shrugs, his eyes eager as a child's. "I still want to see it. Traditions are fascinating!"

"We'll hold you to it," Issei says. "Harvest Festival."

When Hajime and Tooru get home that night, Tooru hesitates. "Are you sure you don't want to sleep in the bed? I can take the floor..."

Hajime adjusts his blankets. "You're leaving tomorrow, so I'll have it all to myself. Just sleep in the bed."

Tooru is silent, which is slightly unnerving because he always seems to be talking, or humming, or moving restlessly. When Hajime looks up, he sees Tooru looking back. He swallows at the intensity of his gaze. "You shouldn't be so nice to me."

Hajime shrugs. "Are you going to murder me in my sleep?"

Tooru wrinkles his nose. It's cute. "No, of course not."

"Then I don't think there is a reason to be a bad host. Go to sleep. You have a long trip tomorrow."

Tooru obediently crawls into bed. He turns his gaze to Hajime, watching as he strips to get ready for bed. Hajime is a little self-conscious, but at this point, they have both seen each other in various states of undress. This isn't any different.

"I wish I didn't have to leave."

Hajime looks at him, surprised. Tooru has shifted his gaze away, toward the wall. "Well, lucky for you, you'll be back for Harvest Festival in just a few months."

Tooru nods, but he doesn't turn around. Hajime studies him, then goes and makes some tea. When it is finished, he gently nudges Tooru's shoulder. "Here. It's just camomile, it will relax you. Get you ready for your trip tomorrow."

Tooru sits up, taking the mug from Hajime's hands. His fingers linger for just a moment longer than necessary before he breaks away. Hajime watches Tooru, admires the long column of his neck as he tilts his head back, his thin fingers wrapped around the mug, the way his soft hair curls around his ear.

"You know, you have a place here. If...If you ever need it," Hajime says, surprising himself. Tooru slowly lowers the mug from his lips, his eyes wide. Hajime swallows, but nods. "If you need a place to stay."

Tooru offers the mug back to Hajime. He grasps it, but doesn't move to pull back. Tooru's hand trails up Hajime's arm, to rest on his neck. Hajime can feel his pulse beating hard against Tooru's palm. "I don't think you would offer something so nice if you knew what I've done."

Hajime doesn't break eye contact. "I'm pretty sure I know more than you think I do, and the offer still stands."

The hand on Hajime's neck squeezes, just slightly, before dropping, the moment shattered. "Well, I should get to sleep, since I have to leave early. Thanks, Iwa-chan."

Hajime nods as he stands up. He washes the mug, makes his own cup of tea, and stands by the stove, watching as Tooru drifts off to sleep. He wonders if Tooru is conscious of the fact that his hand has strayed to the warm spot where Hajime had been sitting. It seems more intimate than it should.

Two more visits. Two more visits and then Hajime can get rid of this nonsensical feeling.

Fall

Hajime has never done as much preparation for a festival as he does for this Harvest one. He has candles and strips of paper ready for their blessings, as well as ribbons to leave on the Old Gates by the mayor's mansion. Tooru may not even show up--he has a window of three months, and something could have come up to keep him from attending the festival.

Hajime doesn't know why that disappoints him.

"You look so domestic," Hiro teases him when Issei and he show up at Hajime's door early. Hajime glares at him as he gathers places the strips of paper just so, so that they don't crinkle. "I think someone's in lo..."

"Shut up," Hajime says without heat as he swings his bag onto his back. "He might not even be here."

Issei rolls his eyes. "He's not going to miss this. He looked like a child expecting gifts when he told us about this festival."

Hajime nods. He's nervous, he finally admits to himself. He wants Tooru to be there. He wants Tooru to be impressed. He wants this night to be everything Tooru was expecting it to be.

When they arrive in town, everyone is out. It is the busiest night of the year, and generally Hajime comes in, offers his blessings, and leaves. "It's okay," Issei says as he slows down. Hiro glances behind him, then turns back, leaving them to talk. "No one here wants to do any harm. Any of them would understand why you left."

"It's just..." Hajime doesn't know how to describe the guilt he feels, not of deserting, but the fact that he hadn't fulfilled his debt, even though, quite clearly, the bond has no effect anymore. He doesn't know how to describe the fear he has carried, for Issei the most, but for Hiro and everyone else he has come in contact with, as if he is tainted.

Issei nods. "Yeah. Me too."

Before they can say any more, Hajime hears, "Iwa-chan!" and looks up to see Tooru waving at him, not unlike the last time they had seen each other. His heart speeds up at the sight of him, and he feels like he is about to burst when Tooru finally reaches them. Tooru throws his arms around Hajime, and Hajime reciprocates.

"This is so exciting! Come on, they have apple cider over there!" Hajime waves to Issei and Hiro as he is dragged away.

Tooru and Hajime meander through the clusters of people in the town square. Hajime is surprised by how many people know him. "Iwa-chan, don't be shocked! You're so polite and kind. People like you because you're dependable, just like they like me for my charisma."

"Or because they can't get you to shut up."

"Mean, Iwa-chan. Oh, look, acrobats!"

They watch the acrobats for awhile, then Tooru guides them toward a simple booth with wax stains and candles. He frowns, glancing to Hajime in confusion.

"This is to offer our blessings," Hajime says, rummaging in his sack to produce the two small candles and strips of paper. Tooru looks at him in awe. Hajime clears his throat. "You write down your prayer here. This one is for gratitude. Then, we take the ribbons and place them on the old iron gate with our wishes."

Tooru fingers the paper, watches as Hajime takes the ink pen and writes down what he is thankful for. A roof over my head, my life extended for one more year. He glances up at Tooru who is staring at his own paper with his head cocked to the side. New beginnings..

He hands over the pen to Tooru.

Hajime can't read what he puts, but Tooru has fancy handwriting to match his fancy upbringing. When Tooru is done, Hajime lights his candle, then offers the match to Tooru, who lights his with trembling fingers.

They slowly feed their papers into the fire. Hajime watches the smoke curl up, disappearing into the air, taking his blessings to the Gods. When finished, Hajime blows out his candle and wraps it up. Tooru mimics him, his movements sloppy but passable.

"That is your candle now," Hajime says when Tooru tries to give it back. Tooru blinks. "To use whenever you need to send a prayer to the Gods."

"Oh," Tooru chuckles uneasily, "I don't pray to them."

Hajime shrugs. "I didn't either, until recently. Sometimes, you want as much luck as you can have on your side."

Tooru's grip on his candle tightens for a moment before relaxing. "You said there was another part?"

Hajime nods. He hesitates, then takes Tooru's free hand in his own. Tooru blinks, and their gazes lock for a few seconds, before Hajime guides Tooru toward the Old Gate, hands still clasped together.

The Gate has no one around it, which is odd, but it's late, which might be why there are so few people. Hajime leads Tooru to a small rock wall, perfect for writing their wishes on ribbons. "This is what you want to happen for you by this time next year."

Tooru takes the pen first. He hesitates, eyes darting to Hajime, before slowly writing out his wish. When he is done, he offers the pen to Hajime and waits patiently while Hajime tries to sort out his feelings, to make them as concise as possible. He has never really wanted anything before, outside of his life and a peaceful home. But now...Now he wants things that scare him.

His safety, and mine, together.

He thinks it is vague enough that it will do the job. He blows on it to dry the ink. "Now, we tie it to the gate."

Hajime does so slowly, thinking about Tooru, about what he has brought into his life. Tooru is close to him, their elbows brushing every once in awhile.

When they are done, they step back. Hajime takes in the whole fence, the beautiful scattering of ribbons of all colors, all with the wishes of the townsfolk.

"Thank you, Iwa-chan," Tooru says softly. Hajime looks over at him, and the light catches in his hair, making it glow. He looks like an angel, even more like a woodland creature than before. "I've never...I don't know where I'm from. I was taken from my home when I was very small, so I don't remember much. Sometimes, I feel like if I try enough traditions, if I keep looking, maybe I'll find something that fits."

He chuckles, and Hajime has never heard a sadder sound. "I don't know, it probably sounds dumb, huh, Iwa-chan?"

Hajime shakes his head. He places his hand on Tooru's jaw, wiping away an invisible tear from his cheek. "It isn't dumb to want to connect with people you love."

When their lips meet, the world doesn't end. It shifts, just a little, becomes just a little clearer. When they pull away, Tooru's eyes are soft instead of calculating. Hajime doesn't know when he started categorizing Tooru's looks, but he can say this is one he has never seen before, but it is by far his favorite.

"I don't...I don't think I should stay tonight, Iwa-chan," he whispers. Hajime nods, because he thought this might happen. Tooru leans down, kisses him once more, and breaks away. "Shall I come back and spend New Year with you?"

Hajime nods again. It will be his last visit, and they both know it.

Tooru nods back. It seems that there are no more words between them. "Bye, Iwa-chan. Until next time."

"Until next time."

He finds Issei and Hiro after the sun has set fully from the sky. Issei gives him a sympathetic smile. "It means he's scared," he says.

"Maybe I am too," Hajime admits. "Maybe I'm about to do something I never would have thought I would."

Issei presses his lips together. "Hey, you two! We should get going if we want to get any sleep!"

Hiro has efficiently broken the solemn mood between them, and tops it off by tripping over a rock in the middle of the road. Hajime chuckles, then gives a full body laugh as the stress of his wishes and decisions of the day wash away.

"So glad my pain can give you pleasure," Hiro mutters when they join him. Hajime feels like something is missing as they walk home, but he knows Tooru made the right decision for both of them.

He just hopes he has made the right one come New Year.

Winter

New Year's Eve dawns bright and cold. Hajime has done no preparing for the festivities, other than pull out his best wine and cook his best meal. He also breaks into the secret compartment beneath the stove he had sealed away the day he moved in and hadn't touched since.

The pouch is small, small enough to fit comfortably in Hajime's palm. It is unnaturally warm, and it seems to sing to his blood, a perfect melody constructed just for him.

This is what Tooru has been looking for. He can guarantee it. He slips the pouch over his neck, and it rests in that familiar place by his heart.

When the knock finally sounds at his door, he is ready. Tooru is standing there, shivering from the cold air. The red of his nose and cheeks makes him look even prettier than usual.

"Hi, Iwa-chan," he says with a small smile. Hajime ushers him inside. He takes off his outerwear of clothing, then wraps himself up in a blanket from Hajime's bed. It is one Hajime knows he is partial to.

He is quieter than usual. "Are you spending the night?" Hajime asks. He is surprised at how steady his voice is, when his heart feels like it is about to beat out of his chest.

"Ah, I think one," Tooru answers, sitting down at his usual place at the table. "Mmm, this looks really good, Iwa-chan!"

Hajime sits down too, and immediately feels Tooru's leg curl around his. He looks at him in surprise, but Tooru acts like there is nothing out of the ordinary happening, just digs into his food, so Hajime follows suit.

After dinner, Tooru makes his way to the bed. Hajime hesitates, but when Tooru motions him to join him, he doesn't hesitate. When they are sitting side-by-side against the wall, Tooru snuggles closer and drops his head onto Hajime's shoulder. Every part of Hajime that Tooru is pressed against is tingling.

"I've been lonely without you," Hajime surprises himself by saying. He instantly blushes, bracing himself for the ridicule he is sure will come from Tooru, but it never does.

Instead, when he looks down at Tooru, Hajime sees him running his hands across the blanket, a nervous gesture. "I missed you too, Iwa-chan. You're...You make me feel safe, I guess, and that's a hard thing for anyone to make me feel."

Hajime knows what he means. When you're so hard to kill, when you've made yourself invincible and impenetrable, it is hard to find someone you want to bare yourself to. And when you finally find someone, the idea of being vulnerable is terrifying.

"I wish..." Hajime starts, but he doesn't know what he wishes. He wishes so much his chest is full of all the wanting and longing he has harbored since meeting Tooru that fateful night when he'd knocked on his door.

"I know, Iwa-chan," Tooru says. And Hajime thinks he really does.

He doesn't know how long they sit there together before Tooru finally pulls away.

"I got you a present, Iwa-chan! I found it in this beautiful costal city, and it was done by a person who said they came from this part of the continent, so I thought you might like it."

Hajime hadn't expected to exchange gifts so early, but he watches Tooru scramble from the bed, dig into his pack, and produce a small parcel wrapped in brown paper. He holds it out eagerly, his smile big and bright and real. Hajime unwraps it slowly. It is a figurine of a pine, tiny squirrels and birds running around the intricately carved branches. "Wow," he breathes.

Tooru laughs. "Your house is so barren, it looks like a ghost lives here. So I wanted to give you something to make it seem homey."

Hajime traces his thumb down the trunk of the the tree. "Thank you," he whispers. Tooru nods. Hajime takes a deep breath reaches to slip the pouch off of his neck.

Tooru quickly shakes his head, catching Hajime's hands in his. He dips his head close, so close Hajime can feel Tooru's breath against his lips. "The one tradition I like to keep is the one where gifts are exchanged on two days over the New Year; one is given on the Eve, and the other on the Day. To end and start a year giving and receiving."

Hajime swallows. That tradition is also common on wedding nights. "Okay."

Tooru nods with a small smile, and then leans down and kisses him. Hajime's heart stutters, because this is everything he has wanted for the last three months; Tooru, here, beside him.

"Will you share the bed with me tonight?" Tooru asks, minutes later, after Hajime is dizzy from his lips and skin and the exploration they have started. Hajime frowns, and Tooru must realize what he had just asked, because his face flames red. He's cute when he is embarrassed, Hajime thinks with a smirk. "I don't mean...I just...You ruined the moment! I just wanted to be close to you, is all. Just...lie here with you, for awhile. As if we don't have to worry about kings and deadlines and debts."

Hajime kisses him, to stop his talking. "Yes," he says simply and Tooru's grin is relieved and beautiful.

***

The next morning Hajime wakes before Tooru. He fingers the pouch around his neck as he studies Tooru's sleeping face. He has other things he could give Tooru, but nothing seems as right as this.

When Tooru wakes up, he looks confused for a moment before his face clears and realization dawns. "Hi," Hajime whispers, leaning down to kiss his cheek. He feels Tooru smile. Hajime thinks he could get used to this, waking up next to this man every day.

He is scared that he feels this way after only spending a handful of days with him.

"Can I give you my present now?" Hajime asks as he sits up. Tooru sits up too, and nods. Hajime takes a deep breath and pulls the pouch over his head.

"I think this is what you were looking for."

Tooru's fingers freeze on their way to grasp the pouch. Hajime nods when Tooru gives him a fearful look. "I...Hajime, I can't..."

"Oh, so you do know who I am. Well, that makes things all the more easier. Take it."

Tooru swallows, then drops his hand. "Why...Why would you give me this? That's your heart...:

Hajime shakes his head. "A few heartstrings."

"That control your heart!"

"I"m the one who was foolish enough to do the ritual..."

Tooru gives a laugh of disbelief. "You didn't have a choice! Let me guess. You were a soldier, a good one! They wanted to promote you, to give you a title, but you turned them down, because we all know how Tarisin treats their nobles. And they orchestrated an accident, and the life debt they asked of you was your heartstrings. They made you the perfect soldier, right? The great Hajime Iwaizumi, warrior who could demolish cities in two days, who, one day, escaped from under the king's nose. Traitor to the crown."

Hajime is unnerved with how close to the truth Tooru has hit. "And then they sent you after me."

Tooru's laugh is a dark, ugly thing. "Oh no, they sent others first, but no one is as good as me. I have a nose for finding things; they think it comes from my heritage. They gave me a timeframe. One year, Tooru. Should be plenty of time."

Hajime nods. "And in return, you get your life back, don't you? Your freedom."

Tooru swallows. He looks like he is about to cry, so Hajime takes his hand, turns it over, and presses the pouch into his palm. He doesn't feel nervous when he pulls his hand back, as if his heart can feel how much Tooru loves him. "Or you die. And I can't be the one responsible for that."

"They'll kill you," Tooru whispers, his eyes wide and pleading.

Hajime shakes his head. "Maybe. Most likely, they'll make me come back first, for a grand, public execution, or a redemption story."

"No one deserves to be forced into a life like this," Tooru hisses. "And I won't be the one to do it."

Hajime shrugs. "A gift freely given cannot be returned so easily."

Tooru presses the pouch to his chest, as if sheltering it. Hajime reaches over and kisses Tooru's forehead. "You don't know what I've done, either," he says, mimicking Tooru's own words from the Harvest Festival.

Tooru's laugh is broken, but this time, Hajime doesn't know how to fix it. "How will I pay a life debt to someone who is dead?"

Hajime shrugs. "That'll be for you to figure out. But for now, this life debt is cleared. A visit every season. Now, come on, let's get breakfast so you can get on the road."

***

Their farewell is short and sober.

As they stand facing each other for the last time, Hajime reaches up and brushes a strand of stray hair out of Tooru's eyes. "I think..." he says, then swallows when he feels tears suddenly clog his throat. "I think I could have loved you, if we had known each other longer. So thank you for that. I hadn't ever expected my life to take that course."

Tooru nods. He doesn't say anything, just buries his head in Hajime's shoulder when he pulls him close. He is acting like his own fate is up in the air, not Hajime's, and Hajime has to suppress a smile when he thinks of how dramatic Tooru is.

"I have two things to say to you. Are you listening?"

Tooru pulls away from him, eyebrows furrowed. Hajime nods. "One. You always have a place here, yeah? There is strange magic in this forest that seems to be in our favor. And two. Every colored bead on the high priest's shawl represents a person."

Tooru's confusion intensifies. Hajime just pulls his head down and kisses him softly. "I'll miss you. May luck be with you."

With that, Hajime leaves Tooru standing, confused, on his doorstep.

Spring

Hajime lives his life as if balancing on a thin sheet of ice. One wrong step would mean he could fall through, but he has no sense of which step is wrong. He is waiting for the familiar tug in his chest, pulling him back to his master, but day after day passes, and it doesn't come.

Spring has just started blooming. Hajime doesn't change his routine, mostly because he doesn't know what he'll do if he isn't filling his days planting crops, chopping wood, canning food, and selling his leftovers.

"I thought you gave him the heartstrings," Issei says one day when Hajime visits his shop to place an order for a sturdier axe.

"I did," Hajime says. Issei cocks a eyebrow, questioning. Hajime scowls back. "I don't know what he's doing with it. Maybe the magic is faulty. At least I'm not dead yet. And I still feel the same as usual."

Issei shrugs. "Maybe he's found another way."

"Or maybe he's dead in a ditch somewhere," Hajime snaps, then sighs. "There is no use speculating. I'll just go on with my life and see what happens. It's not any different than anyone else has to do."

Issei frowns. He opens his mouth to say something, but he freezes, eyes widening as he glances over at the person who has just entered his shop. Hajime closes his eyes to get his bearings before turning around, because he knows who it will be.

Tooru stands there, looking more disheveled than Hajime has ever seen, but when their eyes meet, Tooru gives a small smile. "I didn't think you'd be here, Iwa-chan."

"I could say the same thing about you," Hajime says. "Are you okay?"

"I'm a little worse for wear, but I'll be fine. I just need to sit down for a second. I've been on the run for awhile." Issei moves immediately, ushering Tooru to a chair in the corner. He sinks heavily into the proffered chair, his bag thumping down next to him. Hajime approaches slowly. He thinks this might be a dream, or a trick. Something too good to be true.

When Hajime gets close enough, Tooru reaches out and latches a hand onto his shirt. "How...What did you do?"

Tooru pouts his lips. "You make it sound like I did something terrible! Well, I guess maybe I did, but it was something long overdue! Oh, here, this belongs to you. Open it."

Tooru reaches around his neck, and produces the pouch that, for all intents and purposes, holds Hajime's heart. Hajime reaches out, hesitant, wondering what Tooru has done. He opens the pouch and gasps when a flash of light radiates from it, for just a second, before disappearing as quickly as it had appeared.

Tooru smiles, satisfied, then slumps back into the chair. "No one deserves to live at the mercy of cruel owners who couldn't care less whether they live or die. If you want to go home, you can now. I pulled off a coup in three months, Iwa-chan. You should be proud of me."

Hajime blinks. He presses his fingers to the pouch, but it is, indeed, empty. "I haven't heard of any upheaval," he says, glancing at Issei, who shakes his head.

Tooru frowns, his eyes opening. "There's a whole new court in Tarisin! They've stopped their marches on Garlish and Winds, and they've opened trade talks with..."

Hajime chuckles and presses his hand against Tooru's mouth. "Stop talking. I'm sure talk of your grand heroics will filter over here eventually."

Tooru grins and talks against Hajime's hand. "Know from experience, oh grand warrior?"

"Is talk of Hajime's bravery still being passed around?" Issei shakes his head. "Has he slain a dragon yet?"

Hajime laughs and drops his hand. "I've always wanted to slay a dragon."

"You haven't?" Tooru asks, and his surprise is real. Both Issei and Hajime laugh, and Tooru pouts. "Don't laugh at me! That's my favorite song about you!"

"Well," Hajime says, offering his hand to Tooru, who takes it. He helps him up stand up. "Maybe when we get home, you can sing these songs about me, and I can correct everything that's wrong with them."

Tooru grins, and Hajime can't help but pull Tooru closer to give him a kiss. "And then, because you're so set on having songs written about you, maybe we'll work on one."

"They're not as amazing if you have to write them yourself!" Tooru protests.

Issei laughs. "You've got that right, but who ever said you were amazing?" Tooru glares at Issei, who just grins. "Come over for dinner tomorrow, once you get yourselves settled."

Hajime nods and guides Tooru out the door. The walk back to Hajime's cottage is silent, Hajime taking care to make sure Tooru is okay. He looks exhausted, but nothing more serious than that. As soon as the cottage is in sight, Hajime reaches over and takes Tooru's hand. Tooru glances over, surprised.

"How long are you here for?" Hajime asks, voice soft. He wonders if Tooru needs to go back, if he now has a country to run, or people to support. Hajime tries to imagine himself back in Tarisin, navigating through the cramped streets in a sea of people who don't know him and couldn't care less about his wellbeing.

Tooru glances over at Hajime as he opens the door. "As long as you are, if you'll have me. You said I'd always have a place here."

Hajime freezes, the door swinging open. Tooru turns around to look at him. "I'm...I'm not going back to Tarisin."

Tooru nods and smiles. "I figured that much, Iwa-chan! Besides, I like it here better. I like you better than being king. Although, that was a hard choice, I must admit. I was trying to figure out how to make you my brave knight in shining armor, but I thought maybe I'd have to chip at that one slowly."

Hajime rolls his eyes and steps into the cottage, shutting the door behind him. He approaches Tooru, who wraps his arms around Hajime's neck when he gets close enough. "I think I'm in love with you," Tooru whispers.

Hajime smiles and pulls Tooru closer. "It's good to know that my feelings are reciprocated then."

Hajime kisses Tooru slow. It is an exciting feeling, knowing that they don't have to rush, or hide, or part any time soon. Hajime can't wait to explore everything about Tooru.

"I will have you know that the first thing I'm changing is the decor in this house. It's so boring." Tooru says when they break away. "And we should maybe get a bigger bed."

Hajime laughs. "Okay, Your Royal Highness."

Tooru sniffs. "Just because we live in the middle of nowhere doesn't mean we have to live like cavemen, Hajime!"

Hajime takes Tooru's face in his hands and kisses him again. "We can worry about that later. Right now, I just want to eat something and hear all about how you overthrew a kingdom."

So Tooru regals him with a (mostly) true story of scaling castle walls and rallying troops and breaking curses, while Hajime stands at the stove thinking about how lucky he is to have Tooru here, for as long as Hajime wants him to be.