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"So no - look," says Liam, pen caught between his teeth so his words are all a bit muffled. "Second verse - hmmm." He frowns, eyebrows pulling together, all thoughtful, and his lips are all pink and pooched out around the pen. Sometimes Louis hates songwriting with Liam, though he supposes the mental torture is creatively stimulating.
Liam's staring down at the page, which is a mess of scribbles like most of their first drafts end up. "Second verse - how about, like, bam bam bam, then, but when you know, when you know he'll never love you--"
At first Louis thinks it's just the pen still in Liam 's unfair mouth making it sound like that's what he said, but Liam freezes instantly and Louis's tummy gives a weird lurch.
"Um," says Liam, and the pen drops from his mouth, making a dull little clunk on the coffee table, an unimportant noise as though this is an unimportant moment.
"Liam," says Louis, blankly, because this does not feel like an unimportant moment. It feels like a very, very not unimportant moment. Terribly, actually, very important.
"Um, she," says Liam. "She, I meant she - like, of course - dunno - when sh--she'll never love you--" He trails off, because Liam is terrible at lying, and Louis's heartbeat is going wild.
"Liam," says Louis again, because it's all he can think to say right now, because ''do you like boys?' is going to sound terribly like a desperate begging version of 'do you like me?' if he doesn't take a few minutes to control himself, because Liam saying 'he' doesn't mean anything, or it might but it certainly doesn't need to - probably won't - mean anything about Louis; there are many, many 'he's in the world and conclusion leaping is a terrible pastime and Louis is absolutely not partaking.
"It won't change the band!" says Liam wildly, standing up and knocking loose sheets of paper to the ground. "I've thought about it and I'm, like, working through it, I promise it won't change the band, you don't - we can still - please don't worry - it's really fine."
"Liam," says Louis again, because he's a fucking moron stuck on repeat-one and why, why would Louis worry, Liam knows he likes boys sometimes too so Liam liking boys would not, itself, affect the band, so why--
"I'm - I have a thing, sorry, I have to go - erm, somewhere. Else." And before Louis can unstick his brain from its useless spiral of 'What?!', Liam spins around, nearly knocks over a lamp, and leaves the room. Which, seeing as it's Liam 's room, doesn't give Louis many options.
"What the fuck!" Louis says, stands up, nearly slips on the paper lying all over the floor. "What! The fuck!" And he runs after Liam.
Which turns out to be a much simpler mission that he'd thought because Liam is just a little way down the hotel corridor, dithering by the ice machine.
"Sorry," he says, when he sees Louis coming towards him. "I was gonna hide in my room, but then I remembered you were in it."
Louis is storming up the corridor and doesn't stop when Liam takes a nervous step back and bumps up against the ice machine. Louis grabs onto his shoulders and hopes he doesn't accidentally spit in Liam's face, but the words are exploding out of him very forcefully because, yes this is a Very Important Moment.
"Who'll never love you?"
"Um," says Liam. "Huh?"
"He'll never love you," says Louis, very clearly. "Who'll never love you?"
"Oh," says Liam, looking up, down, everywhere but Louis. "No, it doesn't really matter, it's fine--"
"Who'll never love you?"
Liam looks at him. "It won't - really, please, it won't change the band, I can deal with it, it doesn't need to change anything, I promise--"
"Liam. Mate. Who."
"Er," says Liam. "You."
There's quiet for a moment as Louis's brain spins in seventeen different directions - because he hoped and he thought but he didn't know, and it's years, really, leading to this - then abruptly settles. Liam 's opening his mouth again, eyebrows looking terribly worried. "But--"
"Shh," says Louis, letting go of one of Liam's shoulders to put a finger on his lips, and he feels funny all the way down into his toes at the feel of Liam's lips on his skin. "So you just, like. Decided I didn't love you? I mean, did you maybe think of consulting me about before you went off writing woeful lyrics?"
Liam doesn't say anything, just looks at Louis with big surprised eyes. Louis rolls his eyes and takes his finger away.
"Um," says Liam. "I mean, I. I didn't want. Like, things to be weird? And I know you, like, love me, but you don't loveme--"
"Don't I now?" says Louis. He thinks maybe he should be annoyed that after all his years of pining - and oh, the fucking pining, he's thoroughly embarrassed at how pathetic he's been - Liam has apparently been pining away in secret too for at least some of that time, which is a waste of good emotional energy, but he's feeling too giddy to mind anything.
"I didn't think so," says Liam carefully, and he's starting to smile a bit. "But, um. Maybe I was, er. A bit hasty, like."
"I mean, maybe it was a good thing. Got some lovely whiny lyrics out of you," says Louis, and unbidden an array of the achy lyrics Liams 's been writing recently parade through his head - and man, they were about him? This has got a fair few more layers of processing to do, but like. Liam likes him. "But maybe you should ask before you get too deep into the pining thing." He takes deep breath. "That's been my job, okay? Got good at it over the years." Funny how a few words can confess a lot. Though Liam's single-word revelation probably still has him beat.
"Oh," says Liam.
"Oh," mimics Louis.
"I mean - the band, like--" starts Liam, uncertainly, but there's glorious sort of joy in his face, one that tells of that awful smile and creased up face that hurts to look at sometimes and Louis almost whimpers because it's gonna be for him.
"I know you and I know me well enough," says Louis, "that we'd rather cut off our own limbs - each other's limbs - before ruining the band. We're good. I promise. Mate. We're good."
"So," says Liam, that smile getting closer.
"So kiss me like I always dream you do," says Louis sardonically, quoting some more of Liam's lyrics from last week, apparently written about him, wow, and that smile breaks over Liam's face like - like something even Louis would be embarrassed about writing cheesy lyrics about, and finally, he fucking kisses him.