Chapter Text
*Kringgggg!*
*yawns*
Omona! O___O
Chos. Hindi ito Wattpad story na isinulat ng isang cliché 12 year old na hindi pa alam ang pinagkaiba ng your sa you’re. Ito ay kwento ng isang Baekhyun Byun, at sa kung paanong ang buhay niya ay nagbago simula nang pumasok sa buhay niya ang dalawang tao na daig pa ang nag-uumpugang bato — or, is it the other way around nga ba dahil siya ang pumasok sa buhay ng mga ito? Eitherway, hindi na rin siya sigurado at gulong gulo siya. Literal na gulong gulo.
Anyway, simulan na natin.
Once upon a time... joke.
Sa ilang taon nang pag-aaral ni Baekhyun sa Diliman, hindi na bago sa kanya ang mga estudyante from other places na namamangha at almost even breaking their necks just to catch a glimpse of Ateneo De Manila na nadadaanan along Katip every UPCAT season. Hindi na rin bago sa kanya ang scenerio hearing the students’ peeves about UP, pati na rin ang pag-overhear niya sa conversations ng mga ito kung gaano kahirap ang UPCAT, how his alma mater excels academically, at kung ano ano pang relatable na bagay na na-experience niya rin as a freshman way back when he was starting his journey to UPD.
It’s the month of October, and medyo nagulat pa nga siya to see at first na more likely, karamihan ay hindi UP students and sakay ng Jeep na sinasakyan niya dahil karamihan students from other cities pa, provinces pa nga at some point. Medyo natawa pa nga siya when he overheard a girl reminding her other friend sternly to not take a picture with Oble, baka hindi raw siya pumasa ng UPCAT. Hay, he remembers the time na ganyan din mindset niya. He was so young, naive.. and virgin. Charot. Pero, true. No one leaves UPD virgin. Literally and figuratively.
College will bend you over and fuck you mercilessly. Wops, kinky.
“Hey, Manong Driver, how much cash does it cost to go down at Econ?”
Katulad nga ng sinabi ni Baekhyun kanina, marami nang hindi bago sa kanya and that includes his daily life on the way along Katip pero ‘yun ata ang first ever time na marinig niya ang ganong ka-manly but maarte na boses. Tfw when it sounded so normal pero so maarte? Eventually napalingon si Baekhyun from the source of that voice and he was not surprised (well, actually, he is with things to be considered) to see someone wearing an ADMU lanyard riding in this jeepney. He can immediately tell na sobrang tangkad nito with the way he was bowing para lang hindi ito mauntog sa jeep.
Upon glancing at the guy, may final verdict na siya agad dito.
Gwapo.
Pero medyo tanga.
Who the fuck offers a 500 bill to a Jeepney driver and ask how much cash it does take to UPD kung bago sumakay, kinokolekta na agad ang bayad?
The urge to say, “Hey kuyang taga-Admu, this is not a Grab you think it is” pero Baekhyun fights off his tongue. Not today, according to his Taurus sign that’s currently fighting against his Scorpio Pluto sign.
Umagang-umaga, walang barya.
Sabagay. Parang biglang nag-flash sa isipan niya ang “the Ateneans are at it again!” na meme that circulates under Twitter threads that has something to do with ADMU.
Mukha namang nagulat si Kuyang Driver dahil.. isn’t it supposed to be bayad na lahat ng nasa loob at the moment? Wow, conyo. Atenean ka rin, ghorl? Pero, true naman. Bakit nagbabayad pa ang isang ‘to?
Kung full time demonyo lang si Baekhyun, natawa na siya nang malakas. What the fuck. Good morning din daw sayo, kuyang driver.
“Hindi ka pa bayad?”
Mukha namang litong lito ang Atenean homeboy dahil sobrang kita ang pagtataka sa mukha nito, umiling-iling pa ito, “Hindi pa?”
Kita naman ni Baekhyun kung paanong nagkaka-midlife crisis si Kuyang Driver at the moment dahil hindi nito alam kung tatawa ba siya o magtataka, “Paano ka nakasakay kung ‘di ka pa bayad?”
Lahat na ng pasahero ay nakatingin na sa kanila, and Baekhyun kind of sees how much the tall guy is kinda unliking the spotlight.
“I don’t know.”
Baekhyun fights himself and mumbles under his breath not to meddle with someone else’s business and the last thing he’s seeing himself is to associate with privileged asses pero sobrang tigas talaga ng mukha ng other persona niya kaya naman he just found himself garnering the limelight and saving the man’s bum. “Kuya, binayaran ko po siya.”
Mabilis pa sa 4 am kung lumingon ang guy through his way at sobrang salubong na ang kilay nito. Baekhyun ignored it at he acted casually sa driver, “Sa UPSE din po ako bababa, kasabay ko siya. Hindi niya po ata napansin na binayaran ko siya.”
“Ah, ganun ba. ‘Yun naman pala, boy. Tabi mo na ‘yang 500 mo, nakow,” Manong says prolonging the ‘ow’, “Mahirap na.”
Napapikit naman si Baekhyun. For the love of God, Lord, sorry po kung ang agang nag-sinungaling ni Baekhyun for this day. Pero, he did it naman po for the mankind diba? Parang gusto niyang tumakbo pa Quiapo Church mamaya at lumuhod, since forte niya ‘yon. Luhod.. yes, luhod.
Throughout the byahe, hindi na niya pinansin ang Atenean guy who’s by the way, kanina pa siya chine-check out that’s making him a little anxious. Parang gago lang.
Kaya naman halos lumipad na siya pababa ng jeep nang makarating na siya sa destination niya, at kung fate nga naman, bumaba rin ito at naramdaman na lang niyang nasa likod niya. At that point gustong kwestyunin ni Baekhyun ang mga desisyon niya magmula nang gumising siya sa araw na ito dahil mukhang napamali pa ang pagsalba niya sa Atenean na ito.
Saktong paglingon niya para tanungin ito, naitikom niya ang bibig niya nang magsalita ito.
“Dude, did you purposely say you’re gonna drop at Econ to save my ass or stalk the fuck out of me?”
Putangina?
Parang sinampal si Baekhyun dahil sa tanong na binato sa kanya ng taong nasa harap niya ngayon. Parang gusto niyang mag-set up ng emergency meeting at one on one interview kasama ang Panginoon dahil Lord, kailan ka nagkaroon ng session to make people pero with makakapal ang mukha edition? At malala pa, puta, kailan pa siya nag-mukhang “dude”? Gusto na rin niyang ilabas ang meme na “gusto kong maging kriminal” bigla.
Parang awa. Alas nuwebe pa lang ng umaga pero ‘yung stress at init ng ulo ni Baekhyun pang-alas tres na ng hapon habang nagpe-play sa background yung “pumanaw ka Hesus” ng ABS-CBN.
“Ayos ka ah, anong vision ng eyes mo?” Baekhyun starts, na sinagot naman nito.
“Perfect 20/20, and how’s that related to my question?” Pabalang na sagot nito.
“20/20 pala eh, bakit ‘di mo makita ‘tong nagsusumigaw na University of the Philippines sa lanyard ko?” And at that moment, hindi alam ni Baekhyun kung anong hangin ang dumapo sa balat niya at bumaba ang tingin ni Baekhyun through the guy’s jeans kaya naman.. “Ano bang mas malaki sayo? Utak mo o tite mo?”
Oh no, Baekhyun. You just didn’t! Sigaw ng Gemini sign niya dahil maaga pa for harsh words! Here comes the Forgive me Father for I have sinned mantra of Baekhyun. Forgive me Father for this sinful mouth of mine. Forgive me Father for saying the word tite at this ungodly hour. Forgive me, Father. Chos.
Mukha namang na-culture shock at the moment ang kaharap niya pero natawa rin ito after, “Wow, as expected.. wild. UP students, indeed.”
Tumaas naman ang kilay ni Baekhyun dahil whatever this guy’s upto, he never stands for hasty generalizations!
“Are you seriously heading to hasty generalization now? Because if so, then can I generalize Ateneo students too for thinking that everything’s in favor with their privileged asses at every given time? Seriously, 500 peso bill at this early hour?”
“That’s foul! And what’s the problem with 500 peso bill at 9 am? Even Starbucks accepts it.”
Tangina, totoo ba ‘tong kausap niya?
“Luh, tarantado pala ‘to eh. Edi sana naghanap ka ng Starbucks na pwede mong sakyan papuntang UPD. Mukha bang tindahan ng kape ‘yung jeep para ikumpara mo sa Starbucks na ‘yan? Anyway, stan Bo’s. Much better than SB. Tea spilled.” Baekhyun says with a sass.
“I don’t know a Bo’s.” Typical na sagot nito. At doon na, yes doon na na-confirm ni Baekhyun na he doesn’t like this guy’s arse! Grabe, he’s never met a person with this kind of audacity.
Sasagot pa sana siya pero inunahan na siya nito, “Anyway, cut the cameras. I just wanna ask, do you happen to know someone with the name Sehun Oh? Econ student too, I guess.”
Sehun Oh! Yes. Baekhyun internally squirms. Who the fuck doesn’t know Sehun Oh? The yummy yum yum classmate nila na lowkey famous for being anak ng mayor and who’s known for its prim and proper look, 11/10 rate dahil not just with looks, but with brains too, magaling, very magaling ang isang Sehun Oh, also malaking tite according to some people. Some people, not Baekhyun!
“‘Yung malaki tite?”
It was too late for Baekhyun to realize what he just said dahil hindi na niya mababawi ang ridicule reaction ng kausap niya from what he just said.
Putangina, Baekhyun, ang bunganga mo.
“Ay! Haha, oh my god,” gusto nang lumubog ni Baekhyun, “Sorry, putangina,” please take away Baekhyun’s mouth off of him, “Kasi, haha, pakshet, sorry? Tangina kasi ni Jongdae,” tangina talaga ni Jongdae, “Si Sehun Oh! Yes, classmate ko siya, bakit?”
Medyo tulala pa ang kausap niya kaya naman tuloy-tuloy lang si Baekhyun sa pagmumura sa best friend niya in his mind. Tangina kasi ni Jongdae, puro tite ang bukambibig ‘pag magkasama sila. Kumain ka na ba, Jongdae? Tite. Punta tayo Walrus, Jongdae. Tite. Dae, may extra blue book ka? Tite. Kain tayo, Dae? Tite. Sehun Oh? Malaki tite. Putanginang tite yan. Gusto na lang niya ng mag-hire ng bagong best friend. Or maybe, just keep Kyungsoo by his side, aka his other bff na mahal na mahal niya and his jowa in other parallel universe.
“Seryoso ba,” With accent na reply nito na medyo natatawa-tawa pa, “Didn’t know that’s his reputation in his uni. Malaking tite? Gago, dude,” Now, scratch the nata-tawa tawa dahil tumatawa na talaga ang Atenean homeboy na ito.
Nasaan na ba ang gun emoji dahil gusto na itong itutok ni Baekhyun sa kaharap niya dahil shet, walang gagalaw ng masama! Tangina talaga. Ang aga aga, kahihiyan almusal niya. Wow, welcome back to Baekhyun’s channel! So for today’s video, kakain po si Baekhyun ng breakfast na pinangalanang kahihiyan. Puta.
“Dude, thank you! I now have a thing to tease my brother about,” Nag-twitch pa ang left eye nito dahil sa sobrang kasiyahan, at ano raw? Brother? Anong brother? All this time, Pastor ba si Sehun? Or.. don’t tell him. Wait. Parang biglang nag-flash sa utak niya ang itsura ni Sehun na nangangatok ng bawat bahay at tinatanong ka kung handa ka na bang marinig ang salita ng Diyos. Chos. Ano ba, Baekhyun? Focus tayo dito.
“Ah, churchmate kayo?” Wala sa hulog na tanong ni Baekhyun, at ano na naman bang masama sa tanong niya para mas tumawa nang malakas ‘tong kausap niya?
“Dude, I swear! You’ve been giving me nice laugh since this morning, what the hell,” Halos hampasin na rin siya nito kakatawa na siya namang kinakainis ni Baekhyun. Sino ba ‘tong feeling close na ‘to?
“Adik ka ba?” Naiinis nang tanong ni Baekhyun at wow, thank you dahil tumigil na rin ito kakatawa pero hindi pa rin mawala-wala ang nakakainis na ngisi nito.
“Nope, and by the way, Sehun’s my brother. Like, my sibling. Literally sibling. One sperm cell, you know? Not churchmate or anything, man, I don’t even go to Church.” Half chuckling na reply nito at doon na halos maubos ang brain cells niya.
“Tangina, kapatid mo si Sehun? Seryoso ba?” Medyo gulat niyang tanong kahit alam niya sa sarili niya na he should be minding his own business at anong oras na ba at bakit parang kanina pa ata sila nag-uusap nitong lalaking ‘tong kanina pang tawag nang tawag ng ‘dude’ sa kanya?
The taller shrugs, “Believe it or not. So, you know him. Where would he be at this hour?”
“Lah, gago. Malay ko? Mukha ba akong personal schedule checker niya?” Dire-diretsong sagot ni Baekhyun.
“Ang sungit mo.” Parang half smitten pang sabi ng kausap niya, na hindi naman pinansin ni Baekhyun dahil at the moment, gulat pa siya sa unnecessary info na nakalap niya ngayong umaga.
“So, kapatid mo nga si Sehun?” Tanong niya ulit.
“Yup.”
“Eh bakit ang pangit mo?”
Pero mukhang ineffective ang rebut niya dahil hindi man lang ito nagpatinag, mas lalo pa ngang ngumisi.
“My dear Baekhyun, we know you’re lying.”
“Saan mo naman nakita ang pangalan ko? Luh, crush mo ba ako? For how many years na?”
“Maybe sometimes check your ID where it’s facing?” Casual na sagot nito and he even pointed Baekhyun’s ID using his index finger.. ooh, that’s a long one. The finger, yes. It’s long.
“Anyway, I’m Chanyeol Park. Just said my name so it would be fair since I knew yours. Anyway, dude, mind touring me around UPD?”
Baekhyun’s brows knitted. Putanginang dude ‘yan. Kanina pa ‘yan. At saan ba ‘to humuhugot ng kapal ng mukha? Kanina pa ‘to eh.
“Excuse me, estudyante ako ng UP, hindi tour guide ng kung sino mang poncio pilato na walang ginawa kundi tawagin akong dude, pwede ba. May klase ako ng 9:30, maligaw ka mag-isa mo.”
Baekhyun was not having any of this bull, so nagdire-diretso na siya without knowing kung saan ba talaga siya papunta at tuluyang iniwan ang Atenean homeboy na he didn’t notice was looking on his ass the right moment na tumalikod siya.
Tsaka lang siya sinabuyan ng realization na shet, if that’s really is Sehun’s brother, who happened to be a Mayor’s son, then technically, nakausap niya rin ang anak ng isang mayor. Wait, anak ng isang ng what? Mayor? Seryoso ba?
Baekhyun wished he was a little nicer. Baka ‘yun na pala ang mag-aahon sa kanya sa laylayan. Chos. Baekhyun rolled his eyes. Naka-ilang pagsisinungaling na ba siya araw na ito? Not to think ang aga aga pa pero ilang kasalanan na ang nagawa niya for this day.
And yes, definitely, isa sa mga kasalanan niya ngayong araw ang pagsisinungaling when he said Chanyeol Park was unattractive and ugly.
It goes the other way around, and Baekhyun hates it.