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If anyone were to ask, Kun would say that he’s lived a fairly unremarkable life. He finished high school with decent grades, and he got into a decent college on a partial scholarship. He’s not a regular partier, but he’ll go to one or two if his friends ask. He’s a decent student in a practical field that will land him a stable job once he finishes school. He helps out with the Chinese Student Association occasionally, and he’s got a good part-time gig tutoring.
All in all, his life has been absolutely unremarkable. Some (like his cousins Yangyang and Chenle) would even say that his life is kind of boring. His parents and the other adultier adults in his life say that he’s dependable and reliable.
Kun doesn’t have a strong opinion either way. He approaches life one day at a time and tries to live without regrets. This is what he thinks when he unlocks the door to his quiet studio apartment at 8 pm on Wednesday night. He does his usual routine once he closes the door behind him - changing his shoes, putting away school stuff, washing his hands, and settling on his banged-up office chair to thumb through his social media accounts.
The updates on his feed are the same as usual. Chenle posted a selfie with his best friend and Yangyang bought a new pair of sneakers. Sicheng’s preparing for a dance competition next week. Kun makes a mental note to text his friend later to wish him good luck.
He’s just about to change into his pajamas and brew a cup of tea when someone knocks on his door. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and stretches before walking the few steps from his desk to his front door. He fumbles a little with the latch and the lock, but he gets the door open.
“Hey.”
Kun stares at the man standing outside his apartment. He’s just as short and as skinny as Kun remembers he was four years ago. He’s lost his crazy red hair and traded it for a more mature and polished head of inky black hair. He’s also more stylish than he used to be. He’s traded his wannabe rap star attire with a more mature outfit consisting of a soft sweater, a jean jacket, and a pair of skinny jeans.
“Ten,” Kun breathes out.
“Hi, are you Chittaphon Lee-”
Ten makes a face at the way the other boy pronounces his name. He’s barely taller than Ten, but the way he carries himself - with a straight back and bright eyes - makes him feel taller. Ten knows that he’s short, but he still hates that this boy makes him feel even shorter.
“Just call me Ten Li. It’s easier.”
The other boy looks mildly confused, but he just nods. It’s kind of cute. He’s kind of cute.
“Well, I’m Kun Qian. You weren’t here yesterday, but Mrs. Benson assigned us to be partners on this project.”
Ten rolls his eyes. “I’m new. Of course I wasn’t here yesterday.”
The other boy looks slightly sheepish. “Ah, sorry. I just moved here this year so I haven’t really gotten to know anyone in our grade yet.”
Ten feels the beginnings of guilt pulling at his conscience. It’s really not Kun’s fault that Ten is new here. It’s also not his fault that Ten barely managed to make it to school on time this morning and that he’s been hating every minute of it. It’s the teacher’s fault that she decided to leave “Let them work on their projects,” as the only instructions to the substitute teacher.
“It’s okay. What’s the project on?”
Kun smiles, and oh - he’s got dimples. He rummages through his binder and hands Ten a sheet of bright blue paper.
“Here’s an extra sheet with the details.”
Ten hasn’t said anything since he said no to the tea Kun offered. He sits on Kun’s twin bed with his legs crossed and eyes lowered. He fiddles with the hem of one of his pant legs. Kun suppresses a smile at the familiar gesture.
“How did you know that I live here?” he asks quietly after a moment.
Ten’s head snaps up. His lips curve up, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Dongyoung told me,” he answers. “Sorry for not calling first. You changed your number.”
“It’s okay.”
Ten lowers his head again and Kun looks away as well.
It’s been four years since he last saw Ten. Four years since Ten smiled brightly at him and called him “Kunkun!” Four years since Kun felt Ten’s warm hands on his own.
It’s been four years since Ten left without a word.
“Where did you go?”
Ten doesn’t meet Kun’s gaze as he fiddles with the sleeves of his jean jacket.
“I kind of need your help,” he says instead of answering Kun’s question. “Can I stay here tonight? I...I don’t really have anywhere else to go. I can go to a hotel instead if you don’t want me to.”
Kun should say no. Ten was his best friend four years ago, but Ten’s a stranger to him now. Kun has school tomorrow. He has job applications to finish. He has so much stuff he needs to do in order to graduate at the end of the semester. He should be focusing on moving on with his life instead of entertaining whatever plans Ten has come up with.
Ten slowly meets Kun’s glaze. He’s lost the bright-eyed optimism he had at eighteen. His face is thinner and his jaw is sharper. Kun used to think that he could read Ten’s mind with one look at his face. He doesn’t know what Ten is thinking right now, and it scares him.
“You can stay here,” he says simply. “But we really need to talk.”
“Tomorrow,” Ten promises.
The project goes smoothly. Kun’s a good student, and Ten’s not a slacker either. They get an A- for their efforts. Ten is relieved.
There’s no reason for Ten to keep talking to Kun once they turn in the project. He hesitates when his thumb hovers over the send button. He’s already spent ten minutes typing and deleting different versions of the same message.
“Hey, Ten!”
Ten turns to see Kun waving at him as he speedwalks down the hall. Some of the other students give him weird looks, but Kun ignores them. He’s still smiling sunnily when he reaches Ten.
Ten tucks his phone back into his pocket. “Hi, Kun.”
“Are you free this weekend?” Kun asks.
Kun is slightly out of breath. Ten doesn’t know if it’s from the speedwalking or if it’s from something else. Does Kun have asthma or allergies?
“Yeah,” he answers, scanning the other boy for signs of distress.
Kun’s smile widens.
“Great,” he says shifting his backpack. “Do you want to study for the algebra test together?”
Ten blinks.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Kun amends. “I just do better with math if I have someone to bounce ideas off of.”
“I’m free,” Ten replies before Kun can ramble on. “Where do you wanna meet up?”
“Can you come to my house?”
Ten smiles back at him. “Sounds good.”
They only study math for an hour. They spend the rest of the time laughing over Internet memes and animal videos. Kun suggests a movie they can watch next weekend, once their test is over and their other projects are done.
When Ten gets home, he deletes the message he was going to send Kun. He doesn’t need an excuse to hang out with him anymore.
Ten volunteers to sleep on the floor, but Kun refuses to let a guest sleep on the floor.
“We can probably both fit into this bed,” he insists. “It’s not like we haven’t slept in a bed together before.”
A corner of Ten’s mouth quirks up into a smirk. “We were eighteen and you had a full-size bed.”
Kun wants to say “Well you haven’t grown since then,” but he pauses. He remembers the last time they slept in the same bed. He’s not sure that’s a memory he wants to dig up.
Instead, he sighs and pushes Ten towards the bathroom. He hands the other man a spare toothbrush and closes the door in his face.
“This bed isn’t much smaller and I don’t have any extra blankets. Just deal with it.”
Kun expects Ten to argue with him, but he doesn’t. By the time Kun finishes with his nightly routine, Ten is tucked into the left side of his bed with his eyes closed. Kun hesitates for a moment before climbing into bed and tucking himself into the right side of the bed.
“Good night,” he mumbles, not expecting an answer from Ten.
“Night.”
Kun’s only other friend is a Korean boy named Dongyoung who still carries a slight accent when he speaks English. Kun explains over lunch that Dongyoung moved here from South Korea about five years ago and that he was the first person Kun had talked to when he first moved to this school. Dongyoung nods and smiles, adding in a detail here or there when Kun misses it.
“Did you guys hear about what happened at Jimmy’s party last weekend?”
Kun shakes his head and sighs a little, but Ten leans in, intrigued.
“What happened?”
Dongyoung grins before glancing around and lowering his voice.
“Half of the tennis team got busted for smoking pot at Mr. Davis’ house. I bet Jimmy and his brother got beat up pretty back by their dad after that.”
Images of slamming doors and broken china flash through Ten’s mind. He quickly swallows the bite of food he had been chewing. It still feels like there’s a lump in his throat. He drinks some water but it doesn’t help.
“Mr. Davis can’t really suspend them if they’re not doing it at school though,” Kun points out.
Dongyoung shrugs. “I mean, I guess technically. But they all got in big trouble.”
Ten tunes out the rest of the story about the tennis team and whatever punishment the Davis brothers might have gotten from their father. He focuses on taking small bites of his sandwich and swallowing them quickly before they can come back up. He almost misses the bell when it rings.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Kun asks, putting a hand onto his shoulder.
Ten looks up. Kun is standing with his backpack already on his back. Dongyoung is nowhere to be seen.
“Yeah,” Ten manages, trying to keep his voice steady. “Just blanked out for a sec. Let’s go to English.”
Both Kun and Ten are cuddlers. Kun’s not surprised when he wakes up with Ten spooning him. He flails around for his phone and checks the time. Seven in the morning.
He begins his usual morning routine - showering, changing, brewing coffee, and making a bowl of oatmeal. Ten wakes up just as Kun finishes making his bowl of oatmeal.
“Want some?” he offers.
Ten smiles wearily. “That’d be great.”
Kun quietly makes another bowl of cereal while Ten brushes his teeth and changes. He had brought a small duffle bag with him the night before. Kun wonders if he’s living here or somewhere else. Four years ago, he might have demanded to know the answer immediately. Right now, he’s not so sure he wants to find out.
They eat breakfast in silence. Ten was never a morning person, and Kun is slightly relieved to find that he still isn’t. When they’re done, Ten takes the bowls and the cups and refuses to let Kun wash them. After a solid five minutes of arguing, Kun lets him wash them.
“Can you come somewhere with me today?” Ten asks tentatively as he washes the dishes.
Kun has classes today. He doesn’t skip lectures on principle, even if they’re recorded and uploaded online. He should go to class and tell Ten to wait until he’s done.
Something in the way that Ten’s shoulder sag makes Kun pause. He watches as Ten puts everything onto the drying rack and wipes his hands. There are several small, jagged scars littered over his hands that he didn’t have before.
“Where? And why me?”
Ten turns to give him a tired smile. “Because I promised I’d take you with me to the first time I meet my biological mother.”
Ten spends more and more time at Kun’s house. Kun’s house is clean and bright, and his parents are kind. They always send Ten off with leftovers when he eats dinner with them.
“You’re so skinny,” Kun’s mom fusses, pinching Ten’s arm. “You should eat more.”
“I eat a lot, Auntie,” he replies with a smile. “I just exercise a lot.”
It’s not a complete lie. Kun’s family doesn’t need to know the full truth.
By the end of sophomore year, Kun’s parents are calling him “Ten-ten,” affectionately and he’s calling Kun “Kun-kun,” in a less affectionate way. Kun rolls his eyes and huffs, but he doesn’t stop Ten from calling him the nickname. In fact, Kun starts calling him “Ten-ten” in retaliation.
“What are you doing for summer vacation?” Kun asks on the last day of school.
They’re laying in the grass of the Qians’ backyard. The day is sunny and clear, and Ten finds himself squinting against the sunlight to find interestingly shaped clouds. After a few moments, he spots one shaped like a teacup.
“Get a part-time job probably,” he replies nonchalantly. “I wanna buy a car.”
“My parents want me to do test prep and college stuff,” Kun says after a moment. “I know I should, but…”
Ten laughs. Kun rolls onto his side to glare at him.
“What?” he demands.
“You would be super prepared,” Ten answers, still staring up at the sky. “Graduation is literally two years away. Why would you worry about college stuff now?”
Kun rolls back onto his back. “I want to go somewhere nice. I mean, I also don’t want to take the SAT or the ACT more than once, but I want to be able to actually go wherever I want without making my parents pay for all of it.”
Ten secretly thinks that Kun’s parents would be more than happy to take out a couple of loans for their son’s education. He also thinks that they would be happy with whatever school and whatever major Kun picks. Kun is a good son though, and Ten knows that his friend would hate to burden his parents in any way.
“Nerd,” he teases instead.
Kun huffs. “Shut up. Shouldn’t you also start thinking about that stuff too?”
“Nah.”
Ten doesn’t say that he probably won’t be able to go to college.
Kun stares at Ten in shock.
“You found her?” he asks after coming back to his senses.
“Why else would I be here, mooching off of your food and sleeping in your bed?”
Kun tries not to say something sarcastic or snappy. Ten does it as a defense mechanism, and Kun doesn’t want to start a fight right now. He has too many questions and he’s not sure how much time he actually has to get them answered.
“Where is she?” he asks instead. “Do we need to go out of state or anything?”
Ten lets out a snort. “Do you think I would come in the middle of March if we had to go anywhere far? She’s in this city.” He hesitates for a moment. “I’m being pretty rude, aren’t I. Do you still want to go? It’s pretty dumb of me to get your address from Dongyoung and then drag you to see my birth mother without even asking if you want to go. You’re not obligated to go. I should have thought this through more.”
Kun takes a deep breath. He remembers teenaged Ten telling him about his family. He remembers promising to go with Ten when he finally found his birth mother. Even after four years of silence, Ten still cares enough about him to find him and take him along. Ten’s nervous rambling and awkward fidgeting betrays him. Kun doesn’t think that Ten is able to go without someone by his side.
Kun doesn’t think he ever stopped caring about Ten. He’d long thought that Ten had forgotten about him and that he would never see his best friend again. And yet, Ten is here, in his apartment, washing his dishes and asking Kun to go with him to see his mother.
He still doesn’t know why Ten disappeared four years ago. He’s not sure why Ten is here now, acting on a promise they’d made as teenagers. He’s only certain about one thing.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he says, stopping any further rambling from Ten.
Ten lets out a noticeable sigh of relief. Kun’s fingers twitch as he resists the urge to pull him into a hug. He settles for shoving his hands in his pockets instead.
Ten loves seeing Kun smile. The corners of his eyes crinkle and his dimples deepen. Kun smiles at the smallest things; he smiles at each of the teachers when he greets them, he smiles at the seniors who know him from his extracurriculars, and he smiles at Ten.
Ten has known Kun for a less than one year but he thinks he might be in love.
“Ten-ten,” Kun greets, slinging an arm around Ten’s shoulders. “Are you ready for the history test?”
Ten tries not to wince at the pain. “If we fail, we fail together,” he retorts.
Kun scoffs. “I studied.”
“Nerd.”
The school day passes by quickly, and they end up at Kun’s house at the end of the day, like they do most of the time. Sometimes Dongyoung will invite them over to his place when the three of them hang out. But Dongyoung doesn’t always hang out with them, and Ten won’t let Kun see his house. He’s never brought up going to his house, and Kun has never asked.
Ten doodles in the margins of his notes as Kun tries to make sense of their English reading assignment. He hums in agreement every few sentences.
“Are you even listening?”
Ten rolls his eyes and makes a face at Kun. “That reading isn’t even due until next week. Work on stuff that’s due tomorrow like the rest of us mortals.”
Kun shoves Ten playfully. “I’m not doing biology homework until I absolutely have to.”
“And you have the audacity to tell me to do the English homework that’s due in a week?”
They bicker for a little longer before they agree that they should actually work on the assignments that are due the next day and then try to start on next week’s homework. Ten complains about Kun’s insistence on at least starting the next week’s homework.
“But if we finish it now, then we won’t have to cram next week. Plus, there’s stuff I want to do next week.”
“What kind of stuff is so important that you have to finish everything this week?”
Kun smiles mischievously before producing two tickets from his nightstand.
“Jay Chou concert,” he says proudly, handing the tickets over to Ten. “My parents bought them as an early Christmas present.”
Ten inhales sharply. “Kun, I can’t-”
“It’s okay! Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t dream of going without you.”
“But it’s so expensive,” Ten insists. “I can’t let your parents pay for my ticket. I have money saved up from my job.”
“It’s my early Christmas present to you,” Kun replies firmly. “I know you still need to ask your parents but-”
“Not parents,” Ten interrupts quietly.
Kun pales. “I’m sorry, I-”
“It’s okay. I never told you. I live with my aunt and my uncle.”
Kun looks like he wants to ask at least one hundred different questions. Ten knows he’s refraining out of politeness.
“Buckle in,” he says with a sigh. “It’s a long story.”
By the end of his explanation, Kun is gripping his hand tightly. Ten knows he should find it uncomfortable, but he doesn’t. It feels kind of nice to feel how much Kun cares.
“I want to find her when I’m eighteen,” Ten says after a moment. “I don’t want to go alone though.”
Kun wraps an arm around Ten’s shoulders. “I’ll come with you.”
His heart nearly stops.
“You will?”
Kun gives him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be mad if you go by yourself and feel sad. Of course I’ll come with you.”
Ten narrows his eyes. “Are you sure?”
Kun laughs. “Yeah! So better take me. Promise?”
Ten pretends to be annoyed, but he’s fighting to contain a smile. “Fine, I promise.”
Kun gives his shoulders a gentle squeeze and the two of them get back to work. It doesn’t take them too long to plow through it. Ten finishes everything a little before Kun does, so he entertains himself by poking Kun with his pencil while he waits for the other to finish. Kun tries to swat his pencil away but fails miserably.
Finally, they’re both finished with their homework. Kun stretches and Ten takes the opening to poke his armpit. Kun retaliates by stealing Ten’s favorite pen. They pettily continue to annoy each other until they’re both tired and just lie down. Kun tries to sink into his floor and Ten belly flops onto Kun’s bed.
“Do you think they’ll let you come with me next week?” Kun asks hesitantly.
Ten puts on his best smile. “Yeah, I think they will.”
The brilliant smile he gets in response is worth any of the consequences he’ll have to deal with.
Kun doesn’t ask where they’re headed and Ten doesn’t tell him. He just follows Ten onto the bus and sits next to him quietly as they head south. He’s itching to ask questions, but he’s not sure where to start. He watches Ten out of the corner of his eye, trying to read him. Four years ago, Ten was an open book. Now, he looks wary and closed off.
“How have you been?” Kun finally settles on asking. It’s vague enough to give Ten an out if he doesn’t want to answer any specifics, but it’ll at least give Kun an idea of what’s going on with Ten.
Ten fidgets and fiddles with the sleeve of his jacket. “Okay,” he replies.
He doesn’t expand.
They lapse back into silence. Kun tries to focus on the skyscrapers passing by as they leave downtown. His eyes still stray back towards Ten. He has so many questions, but he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get any answers.
“What about you?”
Ten’s fiddling with his sleeves again. Kun wants to reach out and grab his hand so badly.
“Good. Same old me. Nerd stuff,” he jokes.
Ten doesn’t look at him when he nods. “I figured.”
The number of passengers on the bus lowers as they get further from the city center. At the last stop of the route, they transfer to another bus. There are even fewer people on this bus.
“Were you mad at me?” Ten asks suddenly after two stops.
Kun turns to stare at Ten. Ten stares down at his lap, twisting his fingers and refusing to meet Kun’s gaze. The Ten of Kun’s memories held himself with pride; if Kun closes his eyes, he can still picture eighteen-year-old Ten with his head thrown back, eyes bright, and grin wide. The Ten of now is slouched down in his seat with his shoulders hunched and his head lowered.
“This number has been disconnected, ” is the sentence that haunts Kun’s memories. It’s the sentence that greeted him for three months after Ten vanished. First, it was the unanswered texts. Then it was the unanswered calls. After Kun had cried himself hoarse and asked everyone he could possibly think to ask, it was the tinny voice of the robotic man that told him, “ This number has been disconnected.” Waiting in the rain wasn’t what had hurt. The silence with no answers was what had truly pained him.
Looking at Ten now, the feelings of hurt wash over him again like a tidal wave. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes, Ten is looking at him with an unreadable expression. Their bus pulls into another stop.
“No,” Kun whispers softly. “I was never mad. Just hurt.”
Ten spends the rest of his junior year both hating and envying Kun’s girlfriend. He hates himself more because she’s so nice and she’s so good to Kun. She’s unerringly kind to both him and Dongyoung. She never begrudges them of their friend-time and she never tries to force Kun to spend more time with her instead of them. But Kun is still a teenager with his thoughts filled to the brim with college prep and his first relationship. He drifts further and further from Ten.
Ten only goes to the Qians’ at most once a week during these months. Kun always seems distracted when he’s there, and Ten loses all courage to say anything. He just smiles when Kun chatters about what schools he’s been looking at and what he and his girlfriend did over the weekend. As Kun talks more and more, Ten speaks less and less. Ten’s heart is breaking and Kun doesn’t notice anything.
Ten had always thought that it would Kun who would find out the truth first. In the end, it’s Dongyoung who finds him wiping his face and bandaging his hands outside of the grocery store before his shift. Ten was prepared for Kun’s pity or even his disgust. He isn’t prepared for the rage simmering under the questions that Dongyoung asks as he helps Ten to disinfect the cuts and cover the bruises. The boy’s hands are gentle, but his eyes are hard. Ten doesn’t know what Dongyoung will say when he finishes talking.
“Does Kun know?” Dongyoung asks at the end.
Ten shakes his head, unable to look at Dongyoung. He tucks his hands into his apron pockets when Dongyoung releases them. There’s still ten minutes left before he has to clock in.
He hears Dongyoung’s sharp exhale and flinches.
“You’re always welcome at my house,” Dongyoung says gently. Ten looks up to see a sad smile on Dongyoung’s face but determination in his eyes. “You don’t have to handle this by yourself, Ten.”
Ten is speechless with shock. Dongyoung reaches out to him before stopping.
“Can I hug you?”
Ten nods and Dongyoung gives him a brief, but a reassuring hug. His hand stays on Ten’s shoulder when he pulls away.
“I’m serious,” he emphasizes. “I don’t know what else I can do for you, but whenever you need to, you can stay with me. I don’t care what time it is or what else is going on. You can always come to me. No questions asked.”
“Why?”
Dongyoung squeezes his shoulder gently. “Because I’m your friend.”
When Ten goes to Dongyoung’s house after work, he cries and cries into Dongyoung’s hoodie. Dongyoung rubs circles over his shoulders soothingly and doesn’t say a word. When he leaves, Dongyoung presses a stick of concealer into his hands.
By the time summer vacation rolls around, all of Ten’s documents, most of his savings, and the bracelet his parents had left him sits in a box under Dongyoung’s bed. Over the summer, he adds more money and items of sentimental value. They never talk about the box. Ten only raises an eyebrow at Dongyoung, and Dongyoung answers with a small smile and a nod.
They exit the bus in a neighborhood just quiet enough to be almost suburban. The streets are empty as Kun follows Ten through and away from the neighborhood. His breath catches in his throat when he sees their final destination.
“Ten.”
Ten shakes his head, and Kun doesn’t say any more. He reaches out to catch Ten’s hand. The other man doesn’t pull away when Kun gives his hand a light squeeze.
They walk side by side through the rows of gravestones until Ten stops in front of a plain gray slab with the name “Anong Charoensuk” engraved in simple block letters. The date of death is exactly two years before the current date. Kun lowers his head in respect.
“Hi Mali,” Ten greets quietly. He sits down next to the stone and places a hand on it reverently. Kun sits down next to him.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he continues. “I didn’t bring any flowers because I don’t know what kind you’d like.”
They sit quietly for a moment. Kun hesitates before putting a hand on Ten’s knee. Ten doesn’t pull away.
“I don’t know why you gave me up for adoption. Mom and Dad loved me, though. I had a good childhood.
“I brought a friend with me. His name is Kun. I met him after I moved in with Aunt and Uncle. I promised I’d bring him with me to see you. He’s very nice. I’ll bring my other friend next time. He helped me escape.”
Kun watches Ten breathlessly. Ten keeps his eyes on the gravestone.
“Thank you for leaving the records unsealed. I’m sorry I didn’t find you earlier. I wish we could’ve talked. Dongyoung said you look like you would’ve liked my jokes.
“I’m okay now. I’m not happy, but I’m okay.”
Kun and his girlfriend break up one month into their senior year of high school. Slowly, he drifts back to Ten. Dongyoung gives Ten a knowing look and gives them space. The three of them still hang out together, and Ten still goes to Dongyoung’s house when it’s late and he has no way to explain to anyone else why he would show up at their doorstep. Ten feels guilty, feels like he’s taking advantage of Dongyoung’s kindness. Dongyoung glares at him when he looks like he wants to apologize. So he doesn’t.
Ten is still pathetically in love with Kun.
Kun’s brightness gives Ten hope when he’s at his lowest. With Kun, he can pretend like he’s not hurting inside and out. He can tease Kun and Kun will tease him back. Kun will flick his forehead when he teases too much, and Kun will hug him when he’s quiet and tired. Sometimes he looks Kun’s eyes and he thinks maybe, just maybe Kun might return his feelings.
“He feels the same, you know,” Dongyoung says one night.
Dongyoung’s parents are away for most of winter break, using the holiday to visit his brother in South Korea. Dongyoung had used the excuse of too much school work to stay home. Ten tried to convince Dongyoung to go with them, knowing how much Dongyoung missed his brother. But Dongyoung had looked Ten straight in the eye and told him that there would always be another chance for him to see his brother.
So Ten stays over at Dongyoung’s house while his parents are gone. They pull out the Kims’ sleeping bags and camp in the living room, watching movies until three in the morning nearly every night. In the dark, quiet hours after the TV is turned off and they’re drifting off to sleep, Dongyoung talks about what they can do over summer break and where new shops are opening up. They never talk about what’s happening at Ten’s house. He knows that Dongyoung talks about light things to keep Ten’s nightmares at bay.
Tonight, it seems, Dongyoung wants to talk about something else.
“He doesn’t,” Ten replies softly.
Dongyoung snorts, not unkindly. “I’m serious.”
“And I’m serious too.”
Dongyoung sighs dramatically. “You’re both so dumb. I’m telling you because Kun’s still figuring it out.”
Ten turns over in his sleeping back to glare at Dongyoung. “I’m not going to push him into a sexuality crisis.”
Dongyoung huffs and rolls his eyes. “He’s nearing the end of his sexuality crisis. I wouldn’t be saying this otherwise. At least think about it.”
Ten flips back to his previous position.
“You deserve to be happy,” Dongyoung adds quietly.
Ten pretends to snore.
They sit in the cemetery quietly until Ten’s stomach rumbles and Kun gives him a pointed look. Ten stands up and brushes the grass off of his jeans. Kun follows suit.
“I’ll be back,” Ten promises quietly. “Bye for now, Mali.”
This time, it’s Ten that takes Kun’s hand as they walk back through the rows of gravestones and leave the cemetery. Kun tries not to grip Ten’s hand too tightly, and he tries not to breathe too quickly. Ten’s mind is far away and he barely notices. Kun is thankful for that.
“Lunch is on me,” Ten says, once they’re back at the bus stop.
Kun tries to protest.
Ten gives him a tired glare. “I literally crashed at your apartment and forced you to come here with me. Don’t fight me. Just take me to your favorite place to eat.”
Ten hesitates at the Qians’ front door. He tries not to shiver. The Kims are out of town for the weekend and he can’t be home. He just needs to get through tonight and tomorrow, and then their three day weekend will be over, so he’ll be able to stay away as much as possible for the next few days. Just tonight, and he can make it to the next week.
This March is unseasonably cold, and Ten barely had time to grab his backpack and his toothbrush. He hates himself for not grabbing his jacket, but there’s no way he’s going back now. He takes a deep breath. He presses on the doorbell.
It’s Mrs. Qian who answers the door. She ushers Ten in immediately and fusses over his lack of layers.
“I’m really sorry, but can I stay tonight?” he asks. “My aunt and uncle had to leave unexpectedly and they didn’t want me to be home alone.”
“Of course,” Mrs. Qian asserts warmly, pulling one of Kun’s hoodies from a pile of clean laundry. “You’re always welcome here, Ten. Put this on. You’re freezing. Did you eat dinner yet?”
Ten almost nods, but his stomach rumbles. Mrs. Qian gives him a look before laughing.
“Come on, don’t be shy. We have more than enough food.” She pauses at the staircase to yell up at Kun in rapid-fire Mandarin. After she gets an affirmative shout back, she herds Ten into the kitchen and immediately begins to pull leftovers from the refrigerator. By the time Kun comes bounding into the kitchen, Mrs. Qian has placed a steaming plate of Chinese food in front of Ten.
“Ten-ten! What are you doing here?”
“Let him eat,” Mrs. Qian scolds. “His aunt and uncle had an emergency so he’s going to stay here tonight. Did you get the extra blankets from the closet?”
Kun nods and slides into the chair next to Ten. “Yeah, I put them in my room.” He turns his easy smile to Ten. “Hope you don’t mind sharing my bed. The guest room is a mess.”
Mrs. Qian clicks her tongue. “And whose fault is that?”
“Ma!” Kun whines.
Ten giggles.
Kun’s favorite place to eat is a small Chinese restaurant near his apartment. The auntie at the counter greets him by name and gives him an affectionate slap on the shoulder. He loves coming here because the uncle’s dishes remind him of his mom’s cooking. He asks Ten if he wants anything specific, but the other man just shakes his head. So Kun orders for both of them.
Kun takes Ten to his favorite spot by the window. Ten settles into the seat and rests his forehead onto his arms.
“Thanks for coming with me,” he mumbles.
“I promised to,” Kun replies simply.
Ten falls asleep almost immediately. Kun has to gently shake his shoulder to wake him when their food comes. Ten startles at Kun’s touch. His eyes fly open in panic, but his shoulders relax when he sees that it’s Kun.
“What happened to your back?”
Ten flinches at the sound of Kun’s voice. He curses himself for not changing in the bathroom. He’d gotten so used to Dongyoung knowing that he forgot that Kun still doesn’t know.
“I fell down the stairs this morning,” Ten lies, forcing a smile. “Haha, I’m so clumsy, right?”
Kun looks unimpressed. “Ten.”
Ten laughs. “What? I’m clumsy. We know this.”
“Ten.”
“Kun.”
Kun sighs. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”
Ten tries to laugh it off. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Ten.”
Ten shrugs on the long-sleeved shirt Kun had lent him to sleep in. “I’m serious. Everything’s okay.”
Kun sighs like the old man that he is, and Ten crawls into the blankets on his side of the bed. Kun switches off the lights and gets into his side of the bed.
The room is mostly dark, with a small glow from the nightlight by the door. Ten shifts to find a comfortable position and reminds himself to breathe normally. He ends up on his side, facing away from Kun.
“Hey Ten?”
“Mhmm.”
“Are you going to prom this year?”
Their senior prom is three weeks away. Ten probably has enough saved to rent a tux. He’d rather save it for an emergency, but it couldn’t hurt to enjoy high school before it ends.
“Dunno,” he replies.
Kun shifts around as well. “Are you gonna ask anyone?”
Ten’s breath catches his throat. “Are you going?” he asks instead, hoping that his voice is as steady as he thinks it sounds.
Kun shifts again. “I’m not sure yet. Junior prom kind of sucked. You guys didn’t go so I got stuck with Ashley’s friends. They’re okay, but…”
Ten knows Kun’s ex-girlfriend’s friends. They weren’t necessarily mean, but their interests were vastly different from Kun’s. Pictures of Kun with his girlfriend and their prom group surface in his mind. Kun had looked really good in those photos.
“I think Dongyoung’s going to ask one of the juniors from choir,” Kun continues. “Jay-something?”
“Jay Jung,” Ten corrects. “His Korean name is Yoonoh. Dongyoung’s been crushing on him since last year.”
“Oh yeah. ‘His dimples are so cute, guys. Do you think he knows how cute he is?’”
Ten snorts at Kun’s imitation of Dongyoung mooning over Jay. “Finally. Maybe he’ll shut up about his dimples at lunch now and we can all get some peace and quiet.”
They laugh again.
“What about you?” Ten asks tentatively after a moment. “Do you have someone you want to ask?”
Kun stills. Ten resists the urge to turn onto his other side and face him.
“Yeah,” Kun admits after a few beats.
“Oh.”
Ten isn’t going to cry. He’s better than this. He’s stronger than this. He’s held his tears in for bigger things. Kun is his friend and Ten is going to be happy for him.
“You better have a killer promposal then,” Ten jokes. “It’s going to take a lot for someone to want to go to prom with you. Want any help?”
Kun doesn’t answer.
“That bad huh? Is it one of those guys from leadership?”
Ten braces himself for the answer.
“What kind of a promposal would you say yes to?” Kun asks instead.
Ten’s heart skips a beat. He forces himself to calm down. Kun probably just wants a few ideas.
“Something simple,” he answers honestly. “I think it’s dumb to put on a show just to ask someone to prom. It’s just prom.”
“No string quartet?” Kun jokes. His voice sounds a little more serious than it should. “You seem like the ‘give me one hundred roses and a full serenade’ kind of a person.”
“Shut up,” Ten retorts without much heat. “I’d just want something straightforward. It’s just prom, not a wedding or anything fancy. What’s the point in showing off for something like that?”
Ten feels Kun’s hand on his shoulder.
“Will you go to prom with me?” Kun asks quietly.
Ten struggles to catch his breath. A voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously like Dongyoung crows “I told you so.”
“As friends or as a date?” Ten manages.
He flips over to face Kun. In the low light of the room, he can barely make out Kun’s features. His soft, dark hair. His nose. His eyes. His hand reaching out to touch Ten’s cheek. His head spins as he tries to read Kun’s expression.
Kun scoots a little closer and leans his head closer to Ten’s.
“Can I?”
Ten can barely breathe or think, so he just nods.
It’s his first kiss and it’s nicer than he thought it would be. It’s kind of gross to think about the logistics of kissing, and his teeth kind of collide with Kun’s a few times. The kiss takes less than a minute, but Ten feels like he’s gone through three lifetimes.
“As friends,” Kun teases after they part.
“Shut up.”
Kun laughs and tucks his head into Ten’s shoulder. Ten’s heartbeats sound like thunder in his own ears.
“I like you a lot,” Kun says.
“I like you too.”
“So? Is that a yes?”
“Yes.”
They eat in silence for the first fifteen minutes. Kun watches Ten eat slowly and mechanically. He puts a few of the bigger pieces of chicken into Ten’s bowl. The other man raises an eyebrow at the gesture. Kun raises an eyebrow back at him.
“Thanks,” Ten mutters, putting the chicken into his mouth. He chews and swallows, then eats some more.
Kun’s heart settles as the pieces of chicken in Ten’s bowl disappear into his mouth. The other man’s movements become less rigid as he continues to eat. Kun places some bok choy into Ten’s bowl as well. Ten nods his head in thanks and eats that too.
“I owe you an explanation,” Ten says after he finishes eating everything in his bowl.
Kun doesn’t push him. He waits patiently and tries to appear as understanding as possible.
Ten takes a deep breath and rubs his face. “I didn’t mean to leave like that.”
The last thing Ten remembers before he blacks out is Dongyoung’s worried face and a frantic yell in Korean.
The first thing he sees when he wakes up is the ceiling of the Kims’ living room.
“Holy shit,” Dongyoung swears, straightening up and putting a gentle hand on Ten’s shoulder. Ten flinches and Dongyoung quickly withdraws his hand.
“Sorry,” Dongyoung apologizes quickly. “I’m so sorry. What happened? My mom wanted to take you to the hospital so I had to explain the situation to her. Do you think you can walk? Your hands might need stitches. At least one of your fingers is definitely sprained. Do you want to call the cops?”
Ten takes a moment to ground himself. He’s in the Kims’ living room, on their sofa. Dongyoung is sitting next to him with a bag of bandage wrappers at his feet. Mr. Kim hovers a few feet away, brows furrowed. Mrs. Kim tries to smile, but her eyes betray her worry.
“No police,” Ten manages to choke out. “My stuff?”
Dongyoung runs to his room to get Ten’s box. He returns quickly and sets it on the floor next to the couch.
“You should really go to the hospital, Ten,” Mr. Kim urges, still hovering a few feet away, afraid to approach. “How old are you?”
“Eighteen.”
Mr. and Mrs. Kim both seem to sag in relief.
“The hospital doesn’t need to contact them,” Dongyoung says quickly. “We can explain the situation to them. But you really need to go.”
“You are very hurt,” Mrs. Kim adds quietly.
Ten can feel his vision fading again, so he nods once and closes his eyes again.
Ten doesn’t look up at Kun even once. Kun wants to reach out and hold his hand so badly.
The Kims manage to work something out with the hospital staff and the social worker. Ten goes home with them after a tortuous night in the ER. He has no idea how he can even begin to repay the Kims for everything they’ve done.
He doesn’t go to school the next day. Dongyoung and Mr. Kim talk to the counselor on his behalf and bring him the necessary forms. He fills them out and signs them without any hesitation.
“What do I tell Kun?” Dongyoung asks after Ten’s done with the paperwork. “He asked me if I knew what happened to you and said that you aren’t answering his texts or his calls.”
Ten’s hands tremble. Kun still doesn’t know the truth.
“I didn’t want to say anything without asking you first,” Dongyoung continues. “But you should tell him.”
“I can’t,” Ten replies.
Dongyoung stares at him. “So you’re just going to cut him out of your life like that? You’re not even going to explain what happened to him?”
Ten closes his eyes, but all he sees is Kun’s face from two nights ago when he asked Ten to go to prom with him.
“Dongyoung, I can’t,” Ten repeats. “I can’t. It’s better this way. I’m sorry I already ruined your life. I can’t ruin someone else’s life too.”
Dongyoung inhales sharply. “You have not ruined my life,” he asserts firmly. “Do you hear me, Ten? I don’t regret a moment of this. I’m not going to make you tell Kun. I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay.”
Ten opens his eyes. Dongyoung’s face is so serious and his expression is open and earnest. Tears cloud his vision. Dongyoung hands him a tissue.
“I don’t how I’m ever going to thank you. And your parents.”
“Just promise to stay in touch. Let me know when you get a new number and when you’re settled. Don’t disappear on me, okay?”
Ten sniffles. “Okay.”
Dongyoung reaches out to pat Ten’s shoulder, but he stops before he touches Ten.
“It’s okay,” Ten reassures. “I trust you.”
Dongyoung’s hand settles gently on his shoulder. “Whatever happens, you can always ask me for anything.. You’re a good person, Ten Li. Never forget that.”
Ten uses up the entire box of tissues in the next five minutes.
The restaurant is empty except for the two of them when Ten finishes talking. The auntie who owns the store had retreated to the back office once she flipped the sign to closed for the afternoon break. Kun had asked her if they could stay when he ordered their food. She had smiled and told him that it was more than okay.
Ten stares down at his hands. Kun’s heart hurts at the sight of the jagged scars. Ten fiddles with his sleeves and Kun waits.
“Do you hate me now?” Ten asks quietly.
“No.”
Ten finally looks up. His eyes are brimming with tears. Kun can feel his own eyes prickling with tears as well.
“Can we start over?” Ten whispers.
Kun smiles. “Hi, I’m Kun Qian.”
Ten laughs and swipes a few tears out of his eyes. “I’m Ten Li. Nice to meet you.”
Ten paces as he debates with himself over whether or not to ask Dongyoung for Kun’s address for the hundredth time. Does Kun even remember him? Does Kun even care? Does Kun even want to see him again?
Finally, he closes his eyes and presses the call button.
“Ten,” Dongyoung grumbles on the other side of the line. “What do you need to ask me that you can’t text me about.”
Ten hears Taeyong’s faint “Tell him I said hi!” in the background.
“How’s Kun?” he finally blurts out.
Dongyoung pauses on the other side. Ten counts the seconds as he waits for Dongyoung’s response.
“He’s going to school in Seattle right now. He seems okay.”
“Do you think he’d chase me off if I went to see him?”
Dongyoung hums in thought for a moment. “I don’t think so. He’s Kun. Why?”
“I found her.”
Dongyoung breathes out sharply. Taeyong’s voice fades into the background as he shouts “I’ll see you later Doie!”
“She’s in Seattle,” Ten adds.
“This is the universe giving you a second chance.”
Ten laughs. “Where does he live?”