Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Carlisle POV

I shuffled my papers for the tenth time and cleared my throat unnecessarily. I didn’t know why this particular class had filled me with a sense of foreboding. It was not my first time lecturing, but I felt uncharacteristically nervous. My phone beeped in my pocket and I pulled it out seeing a message from Alice.

Stop worrying! You will be fine. Alice x

I smiled; I should have known she would be keeping an eye out for me. She was very vigilant of all of the family these days, determined there would not be anything else that tore us apart. After the events of Bella’s birthday party she had harbored a lot of guilt for not seeing what would happen. In true Alice fashion she had taken all the responsibility on herself, forgiving Jasper his slip as soon as it happened. Jasper was frustrated at himself for the loss of control, and the resulting chaos it caused among the family.

Edward never came to Ithaca as we had arranged before we left Forks. Instead we got a phone call telling us he was going to search for Victoria. Emmett had offered to join him – much to Rosalie’s chagrin – but he had refused, saying he needed time to himself. Esme was bitterly disappointed, as was I, but I understood his desire for solitude. My first son was a product of his era and as such wasn’t given to showing his emotions. He needed time to process his grief, and then he would return. Or so I had thought.

When we first left, Alice had been certain that, given time to realize his mistake, he would return to Bella. It was the only thing that had persuaded her to leave in the first place, but as time passed she became disheartened. Loyal to Edward, she had not searched for Bella’s future, and none had come to her spontaneously. She missed her friend as did the rest of us, but we could take comfort in the knowledge she was living her life the way nature intended, no supernatural beings placing her in danger. He stayed away for a year.

As Bella’s birthday approached, Esme’s sadness became too much for me to bear. She felt that since Edward was staying away from us, we should return to Forks and Bella. Alice and Emmett had been in favor of the idea, but Rosalie and I advised against it, though for very different reasons. Rosalie didn’t want to uproot her life for ‘the human’ again, and I knew Edward would be furious. Alice said he was not going to return to us of his own volition, so we made a deal; if he refused to return to us, we would check on Bella. If she was happy in her life, we would leave her alone. If not, we would reconsider our absence. I felt a guilty about the underhandedness of this. I knew if we could reach Edward he would return to ensure we stayed away from Bella.

Alice saw Edward in South America, still continuing his quest for Victoria, so Jasper and I went to find him. He had initially been unwilling to return, but when he saw my memory of the agreement I had made with the others, he agreed to return. Jasper warned me that he was suffering; his exact words were “a world of hurt.” I watched closely for any sign of his undoing, but other than being particularly quiet, he seemed well enough. It wasn’t until we were home that I saw the full extent of his pain.

He had remained stoic until he and I were hunting together. I finished my own hunt and tracked his scent to a waterfall. He was sitting at the bank, his expression a blank mask. My thoughts unwillingly turned to Bella, and I wondered how she was faring, which triggered his breakdown. He broke into sobs that racked his frame, and I sat for hours comforting him silently as he gave voice to his grief.

“Are you certain you are doing the right thing?” I questioned when his outpouring of grief quieted. “Would it not be better to be with her? I have never seen you suffer like this.”

He gave me a shaky smile. “That is because I have never been in love before. I love her enough to keep her safe.”

That was the last time we had discussed the subject of his return, and he seemed grateful for the reprieve. Though he did not attend college with the others, he seemed to find some measure of peace in being with the family again. He assisted Esme with her restoration to the house, hunted with Emmett and Jasper, and assisted Alice with her research into her human life. There were stark differences to the happy man he had been with Bella. He didn’t play the piano anymore; the beautiful Steinway Grand Esme brought for him remained silent despite her pleading for him to play. He wrestled with Emmett, but there was no fight in him. More often than not Emmett bested him, which was a rarity before. My once happy son seemed to have been replaced with a man far older than the years he had lived.

The cacophony of voices in the hall grew louder, telling me it was almost time for the lecture to begin. Students began to filter into the room in small groups, all heading to the back of the auditorium, none wishing to be in direct view for fear of being called on. I watched them as they took their seats and prepared their materials. It was always interesting to assess a new group, spotting the ones that were serious about learning, and those that were here on Daddy’s dime and killing time until the next party.

I waited for them to settle down and shuffled my notes one last time. A hushed silence fell, the eyes of thirty students upon me.

“Welcome to History of Art. I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and I will be a guest lecturer for this semester. I aim to cover the works of Solimena...”

I trailed off as a familiar scent reached me; freesia and lavender. Bella!

I scanned the room, searching for the source. She couldn’t be here, it would be too much of a coincidence, and Alice would surely have seen it. I scanned the now confused faces, but there was no familiar face, no waves of mahogany hair. I shook my head to dispel my confusion.

It was just because I was thinking about her, I thought savagely. No need to get your hopes up.

“Forgive me,” I apologized to the class at large. “I lost my train of thought for a moment, I will be addressing the-“

The door clicked open and a figure entered, a very familiar figure.

“Sorry I’m late,” she whispered, slipping into a seat at the front of the room. She was blushing to the roots of her hair, enhancing the scent. She had kept her head down as she entered, and I waited nervously for her to look up and see me. I hoped she would be able to control her reaction. It would be a shock for her, but if she was to become upset it would draw further attention. She pulled her pad from her bag and finally looked up at me.

There was absolutely no reaction. She looked at me expectantly, but with no more interest than any of the other students. The Bella I remembered was a horrible actress, yet this blank indifference was an Oscar-worthy performance.

I continued my lecture, but watched her out of the corner of my eye the whole time. She listened attentively and took copious notes, but she seemed more enthralled by my words than my reappearance in her life.

I lost my train of thought a couple of times and had to check my notes to pick up the flow again. Bella gave me an oddly sympathetic look whenever this happened. This made no sense, she knew my nature and the enhanced faculties, for me to lose concentration should surprise her. I muddled through the lecture, and when the hour was up, I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I will see you again in a week. Please read the assigned text before the next class,” I instructed the students as they gathered their belongings. Bella remained seated a little longer, studying a piece of paper. As she stuffed it back in her bag I noticed it was a timetable. 

She slung her bag over her shoulder and made her way to my desk. I fought to keep calm, when in truth I wanted to wrap her in my arms.

“I’m sorry I was late, Mr.…” she looked at my name plate, “oh sorry, Doctor Cullen. I got a little muddled in the halls.”

I stared at her incredulously. She was acting as if she didn’t know me. I never imagined she could behave like this; she was treating me as if this was our first meeting, as if she had not been as close as a daughter to me. This was unusually cruel of her, and it made me glad I was the one to have seen her first. If Alice or Emmett had received this treatment from her, they would have been heartbroken. If she was going to act like I was any other lecturer, I was going to treat her  like any other student.

“It was very disruptive, Ms. Swan. Kindly attend on time next week, or don’t come at all.” I spoke harshly, and regretted it at once.

Her jaw jutted out and her eyes hardened. “I think you will find that would be a violation of article 6.4 of the university’s human resources policy,” she said through gritted teeth. “If you check the name on the roll call, I think you will find a note.”

She turned on her heel and stomped from the room, leaving me staring after her, mouth agape and mind reeling.

This was not our Bella.

My phone rang and I answered it automatically. “Yes?”

“Hey Carlisle, how did it go?”

Horrendously. I remained silent, trying to think how best to deal with this situation. How was I to tell them Bella was here but seemed to not know me?

“Are you there? Carlisle?” Alice was becoming concerned, and I forced the words to form through my confusion.

“Do you have a class now?”

“No, we have the next two periods free. We are in the quad.”

“Could you come here, please? I need to speak to you all.”

“You’re worrying me.” I heard the sounds of the phone changing hands. “Carlisle, what’s going on?” Jasper’s cool voice asked.

“There is nothing to worry about, if you could come here I can explain,” I said carefully. Never one to waste words, Jasper said a gruff goodbye and hung up.

I sank down into the chair behind my desk, and raked my fingers through my hair. What on earth was I going to tell them?

I didn’t have long to consider as the door swung open and Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie hurried in.

“What the hell is going on?” Emmett demanded. “First Alice freaks out because  you make with the cryptic on the phone, then we come here and you look like someone stole the last grizzly from under your nose. I love a good mystery but…” he trailed off, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled deeply.

I knew exactly what he smelled, and I watched sadly as comprehension dawned. The others shot him a confused look then followed suit, each sniffing at the air. Their expression changed from confusion to wonder, then cracking into wide smiles. All except Rosalie, that is. She looked much as she did the day Emmett scratched her M3 when fooling around in the garage: shocked, disappointed, then angry.

“Is she here?” Emmett asked excitedly, ignoring his wife’s groan of annoyance.

“She is,” I confirmed.

“I can’t believe it!” Alice exclaimed, “Why didn’t I see this happening?”

“How did she look?” Emmett interjected.

“What did she say when she saw you?”

“I bet she blushed, I missed that blush,” Emmett said wistfully.

I knew I had to tell them the truth, but I allowed them a moment of happiness before I answered their questions. 

“She was in my last class, she looked well, she did blush.” A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I remembered her fiery cheeks. “She was not happy to see me though.”

Jasper was eyeing me curiously, he could feel my wariness and it confused him.

“What do you mean she wasn’t happy to see you?” Alice asked, her confusion evident. “Is she angry at us?”

“I don’t know what happened,” I said, then explained my encounter, from her unusual indifference, to our first meeting, to the harsh words at the end of class.

“So she didn’t recognize you?” Emmett said, sounding a little hurt. “That sucks, I know it’s been a couple of years and all, but human memories can’t be that bad!”

“They aren’t, she may have recognized me and chose to hide it. I imagine there is a certain amount of hurt from the way we left.”

“There is one way to find out; we need to see her again,” Emmett said. “We get Jasper to monitor her emotions, and then we know if she recognizes us.”

“Or, we could just avoid her and leave her to enjoy her human life,” Rosalie said. “That’s why we had to pack up and leave Forks in the first place. She clearly wants nothing to do with us, so why should we force our company on her?”

It was said with the perfect inflection, making it sound as if Rosalie had Bella’s best interest at heart, but I knew better. My daughter was essentially a good person, but she had a streak of selfishness that was rearing its head. Emmett clearly recognized the same as he gave her a sad look, but did not speak. Alice was the one that challenged her.

“You may not care, but we do. If Bella doesn’t want us in her life, that’s her choice, but if there is something else going on, we need to know. If she truly didn’t recognize Carlisle, it means there is more to this than petty resentment.”

Rosalie huffed but didn’t speak again.

“What about the policy she quoted?” Jasper asked. “What was that about.”

Alice tapped a few keys on her cell phone, and pulled up the appropriate page. “It’s just about discrimination. It doesn’t give us any hints as to what she was talking about.”

Emmett was becoming impatient, he wanted to put his plan into action. I knew from the glance at her timetable she was in a class, but the following period was a free period. If she used it for lunch, it would be the perfect time to orchestrate an encounter.

We still had thirty minutes until Bella would be out of class, but I was as eager as the others to see her again, so we made our way to the quad. It was a cloudy day, but the temperature was high enough that people had foregone jackets, and were grouped on the grass chatting. I hoped Bella would be lured out into the fresh air too, as it would be easier to make our meeting look coincidental.

The time seemed to drag on. Each tick of the clock seemed to last an eternity, but eventually the quad began to fill with students coming out of their classes. Jasper and I hung back. He was concerned that seeing him again would upset her since their last meeting had ended with his being dragged from the room as he fought to launch himself at her.

The scent reached us first. Among the usual scent of human blood and the various toiletries they slathered themselves with, there was her recognizable bouquet. She was alone, walking with her head down and an armful of books. We hadn’t discussed how Alice and Emmett were going to approach her, so I was surprised and a little concerned when Emmett stepped directly in her path.

She walked right into him, her books falling to the floor.

“Oops, sorry about that,” Emmett said, trying for apologetic but his broad grin ruined the effect somewhat. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her reaction. 

“It’s my fault,” she said, scrambling to pick up her books. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Emmett’s face fell as she showed no signs of recognizing him. Alice handed her the bag that had fallen as she bent down and smiled. “Sorry about that, my brother is known for getting in the way,” she said with a bright, hopeful smile.

“It’s okay,” Bella said, smiling, then walking away.

Emmett and Alice stared after her, their sadness evident.

“She doesn’t have a clue,” Jasper said. “There was no recognition at all. Whatever happened to her, that was no act.”

“None at all?” I asked.

“No, Bella has absolutely no idea who we are.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I was on the roof replacing guttering when I heard the sound of Carlisle’s Mercedes coming along the drive, closely followed by Rosalie’s M3. I checked my watch; it seemed too early for them to be home, but time tended to slip away from me these days. It was only two o’clock; they shouldn’t be home for another few hours. I gathered my tools and jumped down to meet them as they pulled into the garage adjoining the house.

There were no words of greeting from any of them, not even Carlisle, who tended to communicate with me through his thoughts when addressing me directly. A holdover from our years together before Esme joined us.

“You’re early,” Esme said, coming out onto the porch, and wiping her hands on a turpentine-soaked rag. She had been varnishing the woodwork in the parlor. The scent of varnish, strong even to humans’ senses, was especially noxious to us. I had offered to do it, but she had asked me to do the guttering instead. Her thoughts had slipped as she asked, and I knew she was hoping the fresh air and sunlight would improve my mood. The fresh air was pleasant, but the sight of the light reflecting from my skin was just another reminder of my true nature. The nature that proved such a risk to Bella that I had been forced to leave her and my happiness behind. 

I forced those thoughts from my mind in an attempt to shield Jasper from my misery. He didn’t seem to notice though, he seemed to be concentrating on something else. I searched his mind, something I usually tried to avoid to maintain privacy, but his thoughts were blocked.

“We had a bit of a shock at school today, and we need to discuss it,” Carlisle said carefully.

He too was blocking his thoughts, but unlike Jasper’s silence, he was reciting a class schedule to keep me out. Unlike my siblings, Esme and Carlisle never felt the need to block their thoughts, and were not as practiced at it. 

“Is everything okay?” Esme asked, her mind reeling, thoughts of exposure and someone slipping racing through her mind.

I knew nobody had slipped, each of their eyes were clear gold, no sign of red. Jasper saw me looking at him and smiled bitterly, knowing exactly why I was paying such close attention to him. I held no grudge for his actions at Bella’s birthday party, it was a natural reaction to her spilled blood. I myself had struggled, the only thing that had enabled to me remain in control had been my love for her.

“We are okay,” Carlisle said, evading her question skillfully. “Let’s go into the dining room; it will be easier to talk there.”

If their somber expressions were not a sufficient indication of the seriousness of the situation, this suggestion was. We only ever used the dining room for the gravest conversations. The last time had been the night I returned to the house after Bella fell asleep, and asked the family to leave Forks. That discussion had been an extremely tense one, and I hoped this would go a little better.

I followed him into the house and took my usual seat at his left, and Esme sat on his other side as my siblings joined us. Emmett sat beside me, which was unusual. Jasper didn’t sit at all, he stood beside Emmett as if poised to leap into action at any moment. His position made me even more nervous than I already was. Whatever was about to be discussed, it was not the location of our next move.

Carlisle cleared his throat unnecessarily, drawing all eyes to him.

“We saw Bella today.” He stated it simply, as if he were mentioning a brief encounter with an acquaintance, not the girl that was the focal point of my entire existence.

Bella, my Bella. A rush of emotions coursed though me: joy, sadness, anger, desperation and an almost crippling grief. The pain in my chest, a constant since the day I left her, seemed to twist and intensify. Jasper groaned behind me and I felt him sending a steady stream of calm to the room. Ordinarily I tried to shield him from my pain as much as I could - no sense in both of us suffering for my folly - but I could no more shield him now than I could myself.

I felt irrationally jealous of him and the others; they had seen my Bella. Actually been close enough to smell her scent, to marvel at her beauty. It took all of my control to remain seated and not run from the room, intent on finding her again, clasping her to me, never to be released again.

Jasper’s manufactured calm gently eased me down from my cyclone of emotion, and allowed rational thought to take over. I could not go to her, I had left to protect her, and that was what we must do again. She was not to be exposed to the danger of our presence. Admittedly it would be cruel to steal away from her, especially if she had seen them as they had her.

I considered that for a moment. They all seemed particularly solemn given they had seen her. I knew how much they had missed her, excepting Rosalie of course, and I thought they would be thrilled to see her again. Unless it was because they had already come to the same conclusion as I; they had seen her, but now we had to leave her again.

“How is she?” Esme asked, her thoughts focused on her last sight of Bella the morning after her birthday. The family had eventually agreed to leave town, but Alice had insisted on seeing her one last time. They had watched from the woods as we had arrived at school. She tried to imagine how the two years had altered her. It was bittersweet to see the vision she created in her mind, slightly older, her body now that of a woman, not a girl.

“She is different,” Emmett said dully.

“Different how?” Esme asked in a concerned tone. The images of Bella now changed, making her look ill, sad, basically the human form of my own appearance. I pulled from her mind, I didn’t want to see that, my own mind was torturing me enough already.

Carlisle locked eyes with me, I’m sorry son, he apologized silently, then spoke aloud. “She did not recognize us.”

Esme looked stunned. “I don’t understand, what do you mean she didn’t recognize you? It’s only been two years.”

One year, eleven months and twelve days actually, I corrected mentally.

Carlisle explained that she had been in one of his lectures, but seemed not to know him. That she had been angry with him when he mistook her ignorance of his name as petty behavior. I laughed as he described the way she had lectured him on the policies. I could imagine the fire in her eyes as she spoke, her jutted jaw. She was slow to anger, but when she did, she was a force to be reckoned with.

Jasper took up the story, explaining the way Emmett had instigated their collision, and her embarrassment, but not an ounce of recognition.

“What happened to her?” I asked, my voice coming out weak and cracked.

“I don’t know,” Carlisle said. “It is clear she has some form of amnesia, whether it is physiological or psychological in origin, I do not know. I wanted to wait until we had spoken before we did any research.”

Research, the Cullen word for hacking private records and delving deep into private matters.

“Why would you wait?” Esme asked.

I already knew the answer to that; he wanted my agreement before we took any action. Carlisle was ever loyal, as Bella was my mate, in his eyes I had the final say on the next step.

What did I want to do?

I knew we should leave, our presence was a risk, but perhaps if we kept our distance we could stay. I could watch her discretely as I had done before we declared ourselves. I looked around the table at their expectant faces, and I knew I could not deny them this, I too needed to know what had happened to her.

“We can check her medical records,” I said finally.

Are you sure, Edward? Carlisle asked, and I nodded.

Alice flitted away, and came back with her laptop. “Where should we start?” she asked. “The university files, or her medical records in Forks?”

“Start with the university file,” I said, I didn’t want to violate her privacy any more than was necessary.

Alice’s fingers flew over the keyboard, pages opening and passwords being bypassed. We were all skilled in hacking, it was a part of life for us, whether to alter absent days on our school files, or for more nefarious dealings. Alice was the best though, and she soon had Bella’s college transcripts open.

“She graduated Forks High this year,” Alice said, bemused. “Why would she have been held back? Bella is smart.”

“She wasn’t held back,” I said, reading over her shoulder. “Her senior year was repeated due to absenteeism.”

I read the rest of the details on the page. 3.9 GPA. I was sure it was gym and trigonometry that had stopped that being a perfect 4.0. She was at school by virtue of a scholarship, which did not surprise me. I knew she had been saving for college, but Cornell was not cheap, and Charlie’s income would not have been enough to cover it.

“Check the medical file,” Emmett suggested. “Maybe there will be something in there about her.”

With a few more clicks, Alice had pulled up the campus doctor’s file. There was a list of vaccinations and basic health information.

“Who is Doctor Richards?” Emmett asked.

“He is a psychotherapist affiliated with the university,” Carlisle said.

“Why would Bella need a psychotherapist?” Emmett asked, his brow furrowed. He was imagining worst-case scenarios, the image of Bella in a hospital gown, on a bed in a cold white room flashed across his mind.

“Emmett!” I hissed. “Can you please try to control your thoughts?”

“It is not unusual for people to see psychotherapists, especially if they have suffered some kind of trauma. Whatever you are imagining, I am certain it is not as bad as that,” Carlisle said, directing his words to Emmett, but we were all comforted by them.

“I don’t think we are going to get anything useful here,” Alice said, disheartened. “I think we are going to have to make a cyber visit to Forks Community.”

I nodded my agreement, and she began tapping away again, and soon Bella’s file was displayed on the screen.

Isabella Marie Swan.

DOB: 13^th September

Admitted: 13^th March   

Condition: Patient was admitted unconscious following a fall. Examination discovered closed head injury. CT showed intracranial hemorrhage resulting in high ICP. Corrective surgery successful, but patient showed confusion  upon waking, which proved long term. Episodes of syncope.

Diagnosis: Retrograde amnesia

Status: Transferred to Florida Institute for Neurologic Rehabilitation.

“Can someone explain that for those of us that haven’t been to med school?” Emmett asked, his desire echoed by Alice and Esme.

“She was unconscious when she arrived–” Carlisle started, but Emmett cut him off.

“I know that, I am not a complete moron, I want to know what the other stuff means.”

“She had bleeding in the skull, which put pressure on the brain. They operated to relieve the pressure, which worked. The syncope basically means she has fainting spells, which of course is nothing new for our Bella.” Carlisle smiled fondly, thinking of the times she would blanch and waver when confronted with blood. His thoughts turned to her ashen face as she sat among the shards of crystal on her birthday, blood pouring from her arm. I flinched.

Sorry. He directed his thoughts to the report again.

“She was transferred to FINR, which explains her postponed graduation. It is a good facility, has a reputation for getting results.”

“What is retrograde amnesia?” Esme asked.

“It means she has lost memories of events before her injury. Though we don’t know how much she has forgotten, it is evident she doesn’t remember us, which basically covers her time in Forks. It is possible that she will regain the memories she has lost, it is unusual for the amnesia to be permanent.”

Which meant I had to make a decision now. If we left now she would forget us, she had only seen Carlisle, Alice, and Emmett in passing. It was unlikely she would remember them, we could slip away and she would be none the wiser. She could continue her human life. I would be an ex-boyfriend, and the family would be people she once knew. If we stayed, she would undoubtedly see them again, forming new memories, growing attached again. We had to leave now before we could damage her further.

“Not a chance,” Alice said angrily, fixing me with a steely glare.

“What are you talking about?” Esme asked.

“Edward,” she spat my name, “wants us to leave.”

“Hell no!” Emmett boomed.

“If Edward feels it is better to leave now, we will of course accept his decision,” Carlisle said. “This is his decision to make.”

“No it isn’t, if he wants to leave, he can, but I will not!”

Alice was furious, her words coming in a low, menacing tone. Did she not see this was for the best? Our staying could only hurt Bella more.

“We are a family, we stay together,” Carlisle said firmly.

“Not if he insists on leaving.”

There was a stunned silence following Emmett’s words. Esme was upset at the thought of me leaving them again. The year I had spent away before had upset her, compounded as it was by her missing Bella.

“I love you Edward,” Alice said, “but I am not leaving. I left my best friend once for you, I will not do it again. If you choose to leave, understand you are leaving me behind too.”

“Me too,” Emmett said, moving to stand beside Alice. Somehow the calm conversation had turning into an argument, with each of us choosing a side.

Esme gasped, her fears coming into fruition. She did not want the family torn apart. If Alice and Emmett stayed, so too would Jasper and Rosalie, though the latter would do so begrudgingly.

Though she tried to hide it, Esme’s thoughts slipped. I want to see her, I want our Bella back.

Edward, what are you going to do? Carlisle asked. Esme and I will come with you if you choose to leave. We can reunite when it is time for the others to leave the area.

If only it were that simple. Emmett and Rosalie may return when their time here was spent, but Alice and Jasper would not. As much as Alice loved us all, she did not have the same ties to us. She and Jasper had lived together as a couple before they joined us and would do it again. Jasper would do anything Alice asked of him, he had even less of a bond to us than Alice did.

Esme watched me imploringly, begging me to keep her family together. I raked my hands through my hair. It physically pained me to say this, it went against everything I sacrificed thus far.

“We will stay.”

There was collective sigh of relief from everyone but me. I knew there were always consequences, and I prayed that this time they would befall me, and not Bella. 

Chapter Text

Edward POV

The following morning I accompanied the others to the college. Carlisle was attempting to pave the way for me to enroll too, but it was going to take some smooth talking, a hefty donation, and - most frustratingly - time.

I could not sit at home and wait, though, not while I knew she was so close. I needed to see her, to inhale her scent, possibly even talk to her.

I had spent the night battling with myself. I made the decision to stay, but I was unsure of my next step; if I was sensible I would stay away from her and allow her to continue her life oblivious to my presence. There was one serious flaw in that plan: Emmett and Alice.

They had both made it crystal clear they were not going to be keeping their distance. Alice was already thinking of ways to recommence their friendship, namely conversation. Emmett had a more direct approach; he was planning to jump in her path again and knock her over. I had vetoed that idea. She had already suffered quite enough injuries on our behalf; I would not allow him to add to that list.

Carlisle had backed me up, citing her current neurological impairment, and the risk of further damage. We had been unable to glean much more from our research. Her files had been moved to FINR, and they had an impressive security system that,  while confident she could crack it, Alice needed more time on which to work. 

While the others had enjoyed the company of their mates, I had paced my room trying to decide what I would do in the morning. I was certain in my decision to stay at home, and continue my efforts to assist Esme in her renovations. Then I would pick up Alice and Emmett’s excited thoughts at the prospect at seeing her again, and I would once again be crippled by jealousy.

Alice had finally grown impatient with me as she watched me change my mind back and forth until she was at her wits end. “Edward, stay or go I don’t care, but for the love of god will you make a decision and stick with it? You are driving me crazy.”

So now I sat in the back of Rosalie’s M3. She kept up a barrage of thoughts illustrating her annoyance at me. I barely noticed them; I was going to see Bella again.

Rosalie pulled into the student lot, her car drawing far less attention here than it had at Forks High. Cornell was not a cheap school to attend, and unless you were able to win a scholarship as Bella had, it was the children of the privileged that attended.

I stepped out of the car and scanned the lot, searching for a sign of Bella. I doubted her beast of a truck would have managed the journey cross country, but if I knew her, she would have replaced it with another antique best suited to a museum, if not a scrapheap.

There was no such car here, though. The only likely candidate was a Ford Taurus, and there was spotty youth climbing from the driving seat as I watched.

“Alice?” I asked hopefully.

She was already looking, her expression blank, and her eyes far away. I got a glimpse of a road before she blocked me from her thoughts. I stiffened, thinking she had seen something happen to Bella, but Jasper seemed unconcerned by her emotions, so I relaxed.

“She’ll be here in a few minutes,” Alice said, grinning broadly. “You just watch the entrance, you don’t want to miss this.”

We all watched the road, waiting for whatever it was that had amused Alice, but there was no sign of Bella. A motorcycle drove past pulling into the lot, but I paid it no mind.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Emmett bellowed.

I ignored him, anxious for my first glimpse of Bella.

“Yep!” Alice said happily.

I turned to them begrudgingly, wondering what had caught their attention. They were staring avidly at the person on the motorcycle, Emmett’s mouth was gaping open, and even Rosalie looked intrigued.

“What are you…” I trailed off as the person pulled off their helmet. “Oh.”

It was my Bella. 

She was so different, yet at the same wonderfully familiar. Her hair cascaded down her back in soft waves, her once-ivory skin had a very subtle tan, the result of a summer spent outdoors, I guessed. The differences were subtle; she carried herself differently, showing a shift in character that I had missed. She dismounted the bike and swung her bag over her shoulder, heading towards the building. Whereas as she would have once allowed herself to be buffeted by the crowds, she now walked with confidence and purpose.

“Wow! That was…” he grappled for the right word. The one he wanted to use – hot – would have earned him a slap from Rosalie. “That was just... wow,” he finished lamely. 

I was in agreement; that was exceedingly hot, but exceedingly dangerous. Bella was a danger to herself on her own two feet, the damage she could inflict if you added an engine to the mix didn’t bear thinking about.

“Oh no you don’t,” Alice said fiercely.

“Don’t what?” I said innocently.

“I know that look and it never ends well. Bella is apparently perfectly capable of handling that bike, and you are not going to interfere.”

“Why would you want to interfere?” Emmett asked. “Did you not see how hot that was?”

Rosalie hissed angrily, but her thoughts were begrudgingly admiring. She liked the apparent changes in Bella. While she was still bitter about her reintroduction into our lives, she couldn’t deny that Bella had impressed her. She caught my gaze and immediately began masking her thoughts. “Get out of my head, Edward,” she growled.

“But don’t you see the danger?” I asked Alice, “She could get hurt.”

“This is Bella we’re talking about. She could get hurt walking across the parking lot. Whatever you are planning. Stop.” Alice fixed me with a shrewd look. “You are not going to screw this up for us. We have a chance to be in her life again, and if you go all control freak on her you will drive her away. In case you didn’t notice, this is a very different Bella than the one you left behind.”

“Besides, she doesn’t even remember you. If you start freaking out, she’ll call campus security on your sorry ass.” Though she hadn’t meant to be cruel, Rosalie’s words cut me like a knife.

Bella didn’t know who I was. All the moments we had shared together, all the memories we had made were gone for her. I could remember them all in vivid sharpness, but I could never tell her. It felt as if they were incomplete now, like my human recollections, as the other side of the experiences was lost. And if Bella was ever going to have a natural human life, they must stay lost.

“It’ll work out,” Alice soothed, rubbing my arm. “She loves you, she just doesn’t know it. You have to remind her.”

Was that what I wanted, though? If we were successful in maintaining the secret, we could only have five years with her, six at the most. If she knew the truth, we would be in the same position as we were two years ago; we would still be torn apart eventually. Whether by accident or the slow ravage of time, Bella would die and I would be left alone. Unless…

No. That was wrong. I would not do it to her. I forced those thoughts from my mind. Though a small part of me wanted to ask Alice if she still had the same vision of Bella that had been both her salvation and her doom. The vision of a crimson eyed Bella, her arms entwined with Alice’s. It had stopped Jasper from executing his plans to remove the threat that was Bella, and it had doomed her too; it had led me to pursue her.

“Edward,” Jasper said, clicking his fingers in front of my face. “Are you even hearing me?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I said, attempting to focus on the present rather than my uncertain future.

“I asked what you were going to do now, we have to get to class.”

“I will just meander around campus for a while, I should be able to lose myself in the library for a while,” I lied.

“Course you will bro,” Emmett said with a laugh. “You are going to be hopping from mind to mind, watching Bella all day. Admit it. How does it feel to be back at square one, Stalkerward?”

I ignored him, attempting to maintain a dignified expression, but Jasper’s snicker showed I was unsuccessful. 

“Keep an eye out for us at lunch,” Alice advised. “I have a plan.”

“Of course you do,” I said with a groan.

She laughed her tinkling laugh as they all headed off in the direction of their various classes. I moved to a bench under an ancient oak, and pulled out my phone. I was in need of comfort, and there was one person I knew would oblige. 

“How did it go?” Carlisle did not bother with a formal greeting; I suspected he had been waiting for my call. He was not scheduled to teach today, and his shift at the hospital did not start for a few hours yet.

“I saw her,” I said.

“And?”

“She is perfect,” I breathed. “She is different though, Carlisle, and not just physically.”

He chuckled. “I thought you would have gathered that from my encounter with her yesterday, she is certainly more assertive than she was before. Have you spoken to her yet?”

“No, I only saw her from a distance as she arrived, on a motorbike.” I hissed out the last words, certain if anyone would understand my fears, it would be Carlisle.”

“Bella was on a motorbike?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes, a skull cracking, bone breaking motor… Carlisle are you okay?” He sounded like he was choking, which was impossible for out kind. “Carlisle, what is wrong?”

He didn’t speak. Instead I heard a great roar of laughter as he lost himself to hysterics. Carlisle was by no means without a sense of humor, but I had never heard him laugh like this. His laughs would calm to chuckles, then he would mutter a random phrase like ‘skull cracking,’ and it would trigger another round.

I waited impatiently for him to master himself, holding the phone away from my ear to lessen the volume somewhat. Eventually he was able to speak coherently again, the occasional snicker breaking through.

“Forgive me, Edward, that was not kind of me. Let us address your fears for Bella’s skull and delicate bones.”

“Surely you can see the danger here, she could get hurt,” I said, my voice taking on a petulant tone which I fought to cover.

“I can see the danger, but I trust in Bella’s own sense. She is not foolish, if she was not confident in her ability, I am sure she would not be riding it.”

“You are talking about the girl that fell in love with a vampire,” I hissed. “She is not known for her stellar self-preservation instincts.”

“But do you not see? I’m not talking about the same girl. As you have already noticed, Bella is different; you have been to medical school, you know this. The loss of memory seems to have also triggered a change in her nature too. She is confident and assertive, and no longer the girl who would, forgive me for speaking so bluntly, allow you to...” he struggled for a word but failed.

“Dictate to her?” I said waspishly.

“No,” he said, shocked, “not that, but she would not now blindly follow your every wish. I love you, and I love Bella, but I think this new Bella is a more suitable match for you. She will balance your impulsive nature.”

I huffed. I had gone to my father for comfort, and instead I was being analyzed and criticized like a wayward child.

“It remains to be seen if she will allow me into her life at all,” I reminded him. “She may have changed so much that she will not want me.”

“Oh, I see,” he said carefully. “This is not about the motorbike at all is it? You are afraid these changes mean she will not want you.”

I didn’t answer. He had pinpointed my fear in the way only Carlisle could. He knew me better than anyone, even better than Bella had before she forgot me.

“I do not believe that is the case. While you will have to court her again, allow her to create new memories of you, she is still your Bella. The mate bond will resurface, and she will love you.”

“Do you really think so?” I felt like a child needing reassurance that the monsters under the bed were not real. 

“I do. How could she possibly resist?” he teased.

“Thank you, Carlisle,” I said sincerely.

“It was my pleasure. Now, I am sure you are already anxious about her being out of your sight for so long. She could impale herself on a pencil, or slip in the hall.”

“You are sounding more like Emmett every day,” I said.

“I blame the college atmosphere. Being surrounded by all that youthful vibrancy has affected me.” He was only half joking, and I smiled. It was nice to see Carlisle settle and act his physical age sometimes, especially when the wise patriarch was still there for times such as these.

We exchanged farewells and I hung up, getting to my feet and allowing my gift to focus, searching for Bella. I flinched, the sheer amount of minds in the area making me feel like I was standing in front of a 100 decibel speaker. I forced them out and searched for the familiar tones of my siblings.

Jasper was in a history lecture, mentally correcting the professor’s every word, and growing more and more impatient. I ducked in and out of Rosalie’s mind swiftly as she was contemplating ways to focus Emmett’s attention on her instead of Bella’s reappearance. I caught a mention of Bella in Emmett’s thoughts, and, thinking he was in class with her, focused. But he was just running over ideas to instigate a conversation with her.

‘How about them bears? No that will never work. I’m lost and need directions? Nope. Oooh the bike, I could ask her about the motorbike. That’ll work. I wonder what Alice is planning; she said she had an idea.’

Smiling at his musings, I searched instead for Alice. I found her in class, and best of all, Bella was there too. Alice was sitting behind Bella, watching her closely while appearing attentive to the professor’s explanation of the syllabus. Bella was making notes, a Dictaphone on the desk recording it all too.

Bella had always been a good student, but she was taking this to an extreme; surely she knew that the course guide would cover all this information too. The professor’s lecture was basically a way for him to prove just how much they would need to know. A technique used by many to capture attention, and focus the group during the first week when a freshman’s attention was usually more focused on the sudden freedom from parental supervision and the opportunity to party.

I settled back on the bench and pulled a book from my pocket. With an engrossed expression and the occasional turn of a page, I was free to observe Bella without interruption.

‘You watching, Edward?’ Alice asked. ‘This is why I am your favorite sister.’

She tapped Bella on the shoulder and asked if she would like to work together. Bella smiled, and scooted along to the next seat to allow Alice to join her.

“I’m Bella,” she introduced herself with a smile. 

“Alice Cullen,” Alice said, searching her eyes for any sign of recognition. “We met yesterday when you collided with my brother.”

Bella looked blank, then reached behind her and rubbed the small of her back. She seemed to make some connection in her mind and nodded, smiling. If Emmett had hurt her, I would not be happy.

“Sorry, I have a terrible memory, and there was so much happening yesterday. I remember now.”

‘Terrible memory, that’s an understatement,’ Alice thought sympathetically.

Maybe if she had forgotten Alice and Emmett after their brief encounter, she would have forgotten Carlisle too. He felt guilty about his harsh words, and I would love to be able to reassure him that she had forgotten that too. I was out of luck.

“Cullen,” Bella said thoughtfully. “Are you related to the Art History teacher?”

‘Damn.’

“Yes, he’s my father,” Alice said brightly, “Have you met him? He was terribly nervous yesterday, his first time teaching you know. Made him a little irascible.”

Bella frowned, but looked a little relieved too. Maybe all was not lost after all. “Your father? He seems very young.”

“He’s my adoptive father,” Alice explained, launching into an explanation of our created history. It was a bizarre experience watching Bella listen to a story she once knew so well. Her reactions were almost exactly the same as they had been the day in the Forks High cafeteria as Jessica Stanley had told her. She expressed admiration for Carlisle and Esme for taking on so many children, and sympathy for Esme when Alice explained their childlessness.

I wondered why Alice had included that detail, but she answered my incommunicable question for me anyway. Sometimes I wonder if her gift extended to telepathy between us as she always seemed to preempt my thoughts.

‘I am trying to trigger something, maybe the right words will open the memories.’

That seemed insane to me, not to mention dangerous. If Bella suddenly remembered the wrong memory, that the girl sitting next to her was a vampire, for instance, it may cause a fearful reaction.

Alice tried to hide the thought, but I caught it anyway. She was working towards recreating the vision she had of Bella two years ago. It seemed it had disappeared after all. I felt conflicted about his; I was pleased that Bella had a chance at a human life, but at the same time I felt a twinge of grief that it was no longer a sure thing. I had always believed that vision meant we truly were destined to be together. Was that lost now?

Their conversation continued, and unsurprisingly Bella reacted to Alice’s warm nature and they chatted amicably. When the lesson came to an end, Alice extended an invitation to Bella to join the family at lunch.

“You need to meet the rest of my family,” she said enthusiastically, and Bella, powerless as ever before Alice’s enthusiasm, agreed.

“I will meet you at the quad after the next class,” Alice said.

“Quad, lunchtime,” Bella repeated with a nod. “I will be there.”

Alice looked a little confused at Bella’s repetition, but I knew this was a technique often used by people with memory problems.

‘Now do you see why I am the best?’ Alice asked. I chuckled. I needed to buy her a gift to pay for this.

I turned a page in my book, and counted the passing minutes until I would see my Bella again.

Chapter Text

Bella POV

“Please read chapter one of your assigned texts before the next lesson; you will be discussing the content in groups so make sure the material is fresh in your minds.”

Fat chance of that, I thought bitterly, jotting down the instructions onto a Post-it note. I gathered my books and waited for the initial rush of bodies to make it out the door before I stood and joined them.

My phone beeped in my pocket and I saw a memo flashing up. Lunch. Alice Cullen. Quad.

I had scheduled it in the last class. I did not always need these reminders now, but it was better to be cautious. I’d had enough embarrassing moments in the last eighteen months to last me a lifetime.

When I first returned to Forks after the accident, I was lucky that most of my high school class had already gone off to college so I didn’t have to deal with the sympathetic looks. Winter break was another matter entirely. I had been back at school for a few months, and was finally comfortable with the special measures I needed to take in order to maintain a relatively normal routine.

All that was destroyed when I bumped into Jessica Stanley and her mother in the grocery store. I was choosing between two jars of spaghetti sauce, and Jessica greeted me with a series of squeals and an awkward hug. She ‘kindly’ reminded me of her name and the fact that we had been to school together. I stared incredulously at her, trying to curb the urge to knock her on her ass when her mother approached. Seeing me with the two jars of sauce in my hands apparently led her to think I was a complete numbskull.

“These are sauces,” she said slowly, as if talking to someone for whom English was a second language and a very vague one at that. “You add them to cooked pasta.”

The urge to bludgeon them to death with the jar surged in me and it was all I could do to drop the jars into her cart and walk calmly from the store. When I reached the sanctuary of my truck, I bent my head over the steering wheel and cried. It was not the first time I had been made to feel like that since my accident, and it wouldn’t be the last.

Jacob had been passing by at the time, and had been able to make me laugh at the stupidity of Jessica and her crone of a mother instead of staying upset.

“You should have asked her what pasta was,” he chortled. I was embarrassed to have to ask him if I had indeed been friends with Jessica. “No, you didn’t make a lot of friends when you were here,” he said firmly.

It didn’t seem that much of a stretch, I had always been a bit of a loner in Phoenix, but something about the way he said it made me suspicious. Perhaps whoever I had been friends with were not a good crowd and he was worried about me falling back into bad habits. An impression reinforced by Charlie’s impassioned agreement and fervent explanation that Jacob was “the best friend you ever had.” He really was a good friend; when I returned from Florida last summer he had eased the transition greatly. Introducing me to his pack of friends on the reservation, who, with the exception of Leah, instantly welcomed me into the fold. Jacob was always able to make me smile, and I would be forever grateful for his presence in my life.

Leah was… difficult. I had thought at first that she liked Jacob and was jealous of the closeness, but he assured me that was not it. In fact, he had laughed hysterically for a good five minutes, then explained that Leah was still enamored with Sam.

I knew Jacob wanted more than friendship from me; he had been patient at first, then grew more eager. He would never be more than a brother to me, and I tried to make that clear from the start.

Though I would never admit it to anyone, I felt that love should be something that swept you off your feet. A whirlwind of excitement that literally stole your breath. According to my mother, I had been a big fan of the classics before, and that must have influenced me.

Before. Such a simple word, but it encompassed so much. I lost almost fifteen months of my life with no recollection of how I had spent them. My last clear memory before the accident was telling my mother I wanted to move to Forks to finish high school. I woke in the hospital with an agonizing headache and an exhausted looking Charlie holding my hand. I remember his clear look of confusion and dawning horror as I asked why he was in Phoenix and where Renee was. He explained patiently that I was in Forks, that I’d had an accident, and that Renee was on her way. Though I had a clear memory of that, it apparently was not the first time I asked the same question.

In the weeks after my ‘accident’ – if falling in the woods and cracking your head is classed as an accident – I had difficulty retaining events. The doctors had initially thought my short-term memory had been affected too, but as time wore on, I gradually began to improve.

The time spent in the rehab centre in Florida was one of the hardest times in my life. I grew frustrated at myself and sank into depression. I was desperate to fix whatever it was in me that was broken, and worked tirelessly at learning any and all techniques they had to offer.

It wasn’t until I began seeing a psychotherapist that I accepted it was not something I could do alone. I had to give my body and mind time to heal. They put me on an anti-depressant – something I resisted at first, fearing it would make me a zombie – which gradually helped me accept my new life.

I still had days when the sheer magnitude of what I had lost would get the better of me, but Jacob was always there to help. In fact, I sometimes suspected he and his friends had me under surveillance. They always seemed to pop up when I needed them, whether it was because of a situation like the one in the grocery store, or because I was upset that I had lost something. They supported me in everything until the time came to apply for college.

They had been passionate in their arguments for Peninsula College, but, though I would miss them, I had worked too hard and too long to give up my dreams now.

I had always wanted to go to an Ivy League school, and when I was accepted I celebrated alone, fearful of the reaction of Jacob and my other friends. They came round eventually, and when I received my scholarship they threw me a bonfire party.

A month before I was due to leave for Ithaca, I received my settlement from the negligence case Charlie had pursued after the accident. The trail I was found on was extremely dangerous according to the report, and I was the unlucky person that ended up paying the price. The settlement was enough for me to afford a small house off campus, and with the scholarship covering tuition, I was able to live a quiet - if thrifty - life.

I had been prepared to live in the halls of residence, but Charlie had fretted about me being overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of people. Seeing me insecure and vulnerable while in Florida had an impact on Charlie, and he was finally given the opportunity to act as a father and comfort me. As I gradually recovered and developed into the now confident and happy Bella, he seemed unwilling (or perhaps unable) to relinquish the role of caregiver. I had ceased the anti-depressants on the proviso that I attended counseling with the campus doctor. I had headaches on occasion as a result of the accident, and, as they pointed out, the noise of a busy dorm would not help. Eventually I had caved and was now the proud owner of a two bedroom house.

I was surprised but pleased by Alice’s invitation. It seemed that she was one of those rare people that got along with everyone. Talking with her felt as easy as if I had known her for years. She reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t put my finger on it, which was not uncommon these days. I often had moments of déjà vu. The first time had been at one of the Quileute bonfire parties, as Billy told the legends. I had hoped that it was returning memories and called my doctor at FINR the next morning gushing about it, but I had been brought back to earth with a thump as she reminded me not get my hopes up. ‘Of course there is a chance of your memories returning, but it is better to deal with fact rather than set yourself up for disappointment.’

Whatever it was about Alice that was familiar, it certainly wasn’t the way she looked; I was sure I would remember that. She was beautiful, with inky black hair, flawless skin even paler than my own, and eyes that were the most curious shade of gold I had ever seen. I wondered if they were contacts, there had been a girl in school last year that had worn some like cat eyes.

I made my way out to the quad, occasionally checking the map to see if I was going in the right direction. I was sure I didn’t look too conspicuous with it, it was still the first week and I doubted even people with perfect memories were able to memorize the layout of the campus already. I scanned the picnic benches for a sign of Alice, but there were so many people that I was unable to see her.

“Hey Bella!” a deep male voice bellowed.

I looked around and spotted Alice at a table with four others, one of which was her bear of a brother that had knocked me on my ass the day before; he was standing and waving at me enthusiastically. Evidently, colliding with him was the secret to friendship, as he looked as excited by my arrival as he would at the promise of a lifetime supply of playboy.

I waved back and made my way over to them, smiling. Alice’s insane attractiveness was not a fluke, they were all beautiful, all pale, and as I got closer I noted they all had the same strange eye color.

“Hi Bella,” Alice greeted me cheerfully. “Introductions. Emmett you already met, this is Rosalie, my boyfriend Jasper, and my brother Edward.” She laid heavy emphasis on his name, and I wondered if this lunch was in fact her idea of a blind date.

The one named Rosalie nodded, then turned her attention back to her magazine. Emmett grinned at me happily, and Jasper gave me an analyzing look. It made me a little uncomfortable and as if he sensed it, he turned his attention back to Alice. I looked to Edward last, still unsure if this was a blind date or not, and not wishing to encourage him.

He was gorgeous. His unusual colored hair was in disarray as if he had been running his hands though it. His skin was as pale as any of them, but most unusual of all was the way he looked at me. It was as if he was trying to memorize me. I had never been under such close scrutiny, and, like Jasper’s stare, it made me uncomfortable. I wondered how I could excuse myself and get away from him; I didn’t want to offend Alice, she seemed nice, but his stare was really freaking me out. Just as I was about to plead a headache and escape him, his eyes snapped to Jasper and then to the table again.

Breathing an audible sigh of relief, I pulled my sandwich from my bag and unwrapped it. I noticed that they hadn’t touched their own food. Alice was tossing an apple from hand to hand, and Jasper was poking at his salad as if had personally offended him

“Not hungry?” I asked the table at large. I was particularly shocked at Emmett’s lack of appetite. Jacob was smaller than him, yet he ate so much Billy often joked that he would need to sell a kidney to pay the grocery bill.

They exchanged a look with each other as if silently communicating, then began eating with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Emmett took a huge bite of his burger and smiled happily, whereas his girlfriend merely picked her sandwich apart. 

“So Bella, tell us about yourself,” Alice invited.

“Not much to tell really. I lived in Washington for the last couple of years, and before that I lived in Phoenix. My father is police chief in our town, and my mother teaches second grade.”

“Was that you I saw arrive on a motorbike?” Emmett asked eagerly.

My face split into a wide grin. “Yep, that’s my baby. My friend and I rebuilt it from parts we scavenged.”

“Has it had a safety check?” Edward cut in.

“Yes, it is perfectly roadworthy,” I said patiently, bemused by his anxious expression. He looked a little possessed.

I turned my attention back to Emmett and began telling him about the work we had done on the engine, but Edward interrupted again. “Motorcycles are terribly dangerous, you know.”

I rolled my eyes in frustration, this guy had serious issues. “In the wrong hands, yes. I am more than capable of handling it though, but thanks for the tip.”

Rosalie looked up from her magazine and watched me curiously, and I thought I saw a smile twitch at the corner of her mouth. Emmett and Jasper made no attempt to hide their amusement, and were grinning broadly. Alice and Edward were locked in a staring contest. I looked down at my sandwich, starting to regret agreeing to this lunch.

He tore his gaze from Alice’s and started speaking once again. “Did you know that last year 336 people died in motorcycle accidents, in the United States alone? That is almost one person a day.”

What the hell was this, Spout Annoying Statistics Day?

“And over eight thousand were injured,” he continued, oblivious to my death glare, “a number that is climbing every year.”

That was my limit. I couldn’t sit there and take a parental lecture from someone who looked younger than me. I grabbed my bag and strode away, leaving my half-eaten sandwich on the table. I would get something from the vending machine, it was worth paying an over-the-top price for a granola bar to get away from him.

“Bella, don’t go,” Alice called after me, but I merely waved back at her.

“Nice going, dipshit,” I heard Emmett scold as I ducked back into the building, making a mental note to refuse lunchtime requests in future. Realizing that wasn’t going to be enough, I added a memo to my phone too. I was all for making friends, but that guy was a serious pain in the ass.

I made it through my afternoon classes without encountering Alice or any of her family again. When I got home, the light on my answer machine was blinking. I shrugged off my coat and flicked the coffee machine on before listening to them.

My mom’s voice was first. “Hi Bella, it’s Mom, just calling to see how it’s going. Phil says hi, call me when you get home. I love you.” I wrote a Post-it reminding me to call her back, and pressed the button to play the next, this one from Charlie.

“Hi Bells, just calling to see how you are. I am working the late today, but call me at the station when you get home. I love you.”

The final message was Jake. “Hey Bells, how’s college? I bet you’re too busy partying to remember your old friends, but everyone says hi. Call me when you can. Love you.”

Three messages, three expressions of love. It made me feel better about my disastrous lunch date. I poured myself a coffee, and sat out on the tiny back porch to call my father. The sun was creeping out now, the clouds that had covered it all day giving way to clear blue sky.

I curled my legs up under me on the porch swing and speed dialed my father’s work number, smiling as his familiar gruff voice answered. “Chief Swan.”

“Hey Chief, how’s it going?”

“Bella?” he said happily. I could picture his happy face, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and I felt a surge of homesickness. “So how is college working out for you? You enjoying your classes?”

I filled him on all my news, the run-in with the Art History lecturer and my consequent plans to drop the class.

“Did you explain why you were late?” Charlie asked.

“No, it’s none of his business,” I said obstinately.

“I know that honey, but if knew, maybe he’d be a little more lenient with you.”

I bit back the remark that rose easily to my lips, ‘I don’t need special treatment.’ It was a discussion Charlie and I had many times already, starting from the day he started filing the paperwork for Disability Insurance I hated admitting I needed help, even financial, and I had already dealt with the pitying looks when I was in Forks. College was supposed to be my fresh start, and I was not prepared to screw it up because of that grouchy ass Professor Cullen. The name triggered something, and in one of those rare moments of connection, I realized what I had forgotten to tell Charlie.

“I met with a group for lunch today.”

“That great Bella, you making friends already? I’m real proud of you.”

“A couple of possible friends, yeah. They are a family, in fact their father is the professor I told you about. Doctor Cullen.”

I heard Charlie gasp, then a sound like choking. “Dad! Are you okay?” I asked, panicked.

“What was his name?” he asked, speaking slowly, and in a tone I had never heard Charlie use before. It was close to frightening.

“Cullen,” I whispered. “Dad are you okay? You’re freaking me out.”

“What were their names?”

“Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Edwa–” I didn’t get to finish as I heard the thud as the phone dropped to the floor.

“Dad! Dad!” I shrieked, visions of an unconscious Charlie on the floor flashing before my eyes. I heard a muffled stream of cuss words, extremely out of character for Charlie without the addition of a baseball game.

“Sorry about that,” he said finally. “I think you should definitely drop that class, and stay away from his children to be safe, too.”

“But you said you were happy I was making friends,” I said, confused.

“They are not good friends for you, Bella. College is for studying, not for making friends. Understand?”

“Whatever,” I snapped, cutting off the call.

I was incensed at his unreasonable behavior. Sure, their father was a bit of an ass, and Edward was definitely worth avoiding, but the others seemed okay.

I dialed my mother’s number, hoping for some insight into Charlie’s freak out. I got the busy tone though, and was pretty sure that she was on the phone to Charlie herself. They had developed a much better relationship following my accident, and I hoped she was talking some sense into him

I sipped my coffee and waited for the inevitable phone call. It only took a couple of minutes before it rang, flashing up my mother’s number.

“Hi mom,” I greeted without enthusiasm. My conversation with Charlie had put me in a bad mood, and I could feel the beginnings of a headache building behind my eyes.

“Isabella.” This was a bad sign, my mother only ever called me Isabella when she was attempting to play parental authority. “I have spoken to Charlie. He told me about your new friends, and I agree that they sound like a bad crowd and you should stay away from them.”

What was wrong with my parents today?

“Mom, I am not going to avoid people because of Charlie’s overreaction. The father is a bit of a hard-ass but that doesn’t mean the kids are no good. I am going to continue to see whoever I like.” It felt ridiculous to be defending my friendships to my mother, I was almost twenty for crap’s sake.

“I have discussed it with Charlie, and we both agree you should transfer to Florida State,” she said, completely ignoring my words. “It is still early enough for you to transfer the scholarship, and I’m sure with your circumstances, they would accept you as a late transfer.”

“Renee, I am not transferring to Florida, I worked hard to get into Cornell, and I am staying. I don’t know what is wrong with you and Charlie, but I am quite old enough to choose my own friends. Now I have a headache, I am going to lie down.”

She immediately dropped the subject of transferring, and started making recommendations, everything from calling my FINR doctor to going to the ER.

“I am fine, mom,” I reassured her. “I have just had a long day, and need to rest.”

Both she and Charlie were overly concerned with anything health related since the accident, but this was just a normal tension headache. I calmed her down from her panic, and assured her I would call first thing in the morning, and if it got worse, I would go to the ER.

Finally hanging up the phone, I breathed a sigh of relief and massaged my temples.

This was not how my first week of college life was supposed to go.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

“Nice going, dipshit.”

Emmett’s words barely registered; I was too consumed with my own furious thoughts.

I dropped my head into my hands, gripping my hair, resisting the urge to rip it from my scalp. All my hopes and dreams for a second chance had been shattered by my own damn stupidity.

When Bella had arrived, I had been so consumed by her presence that I lost reason. I had stared at her like a man possessed, I felt sure that if I dropped my gaze for even a moment that she would disappear. It was not until Jasper warned me that I was making her uncomfortable that I had been forced to look away.

I had listened to her speak, reveling in her familiar voice. The way she formed each word before, so careful and hesitant, had changed; she now spoke with quiet confidence. It was another sign of the differences in her compared to the girl I had left behind. I found that instead of mourning a piece of the old Bella, I delighted in it. This was who she was always meant to be. And then I destroyed it all.

When she spoke about her motorbike, I had been gripped by fear. She was human and fragile, she could be hurt… or worse. All caution deserted me and I found myself spewing facts and figures at her like an overzealous nut job.

“It’s not that bad,” Alice soothed. “I think it went better than your first meeting anyway.”

I raised my head and gave her a incredulous look. “Not that bad? In case you missed it, Alice, I managed to screw up so impressively she left after only twenty minutes of being near me again.”

“True, but on the plus side, you didn’t come close to murdering a class of teenagers. I call that progress.”

Emmett laughed raucously. “She’s got a point, you didn’t scare her off last time even with the whole ‘I vant to suck you blahd’ thing. Acting like a demented safety cop isn’t going to scare her off now.”

“That’s just it though Em, she was different then. I have a feeling the new Bella is going to be less forgiving.”

“Precisely, she is different,” Alice said enigmatically. “Old Bella would have taken that lecture to heart and probably not have gone near her bike again.  New Bella is probably thinking you’re a little nuts but should be pitied.”

“Is this supposed to be helping?” I asked miserably.

“Yes, you are going to have to court her all over again, and you need to see that your old style isn’t going to cut it. Last time you spent weeks glaring at her and giving her the occasional cryptic warning. You can glare at her now, but she’ll just glare right back. I bet the first time you told her about sneaking into her room she went all dewy eyed at the romance of it?”

I didn’t answer, but she seemed to know she had hit the nail on the head.

“You try that again and she will get a restraining order on your ass,” Emmett said gleefully.

“You aren’t making me feel any better,” I groaned.

“This isn’t about cheering you up,” Jasper said, “this is about making you see you are going to have to work a bit harder this time. Do things the right way.”

“Which means?”

“Which means no sneaking into her room at night, no creepy stalker routine, you are going to have to do it like the humans do,” Rosalie piped up.

We all turned to stare at her. So far she had been dead against us having anything to do with Bella again.

“What?” she said, catching our gaze. “We all know it won’t make a damn bit of difference what I say anyway. You’re all determined to drag her back into our life, so I may as well give him some tips. Besides, this new Bella is intriguing, a lot more ballsy than the old version.”

“Someone call Hell and tell them to expect cold weather,” Jasper quipped.

There was a beat of silence then we all, Rosalie included, broke into hysterics.

“I have a question,” Jasper said eventually, still chortling as he was fed our humor. “What’s up with your bloodlust, Edward?”

“What do you mean? I was perfectly controlled. I didn’t feel tempted even once when she was here.”

“Exactly, you don’t think that’s a little odd? You have been away from her scent for two years, all resistance you developed has to be lost completely, but I didn’t feel an ounce of conflict in you.”

I considered his words, inhaling the lingering traces of her scent. I could make out her unique blend of freesia and jasmine through the other humans in the area, but there was no temptation. My throat burned no more than it usually did in the presence of humans. Before we left, I had become accustomed to the constant fire in my throat whenever I was with her, and I saw it as the necessary price of my love. Even after a day spent immersed in her scent, I had felt more temptation than I had the entire time she was here.

“That’s because there was none,” I said, sounding distant even to my own ears. “She smells the same, but there is no temptation.”

“Well shit,” Emmett said, awestruck. “Eddie’s nose is broken.”

xXx

I was tempted to stay at the college for the afternoon to keep an eye on Bella, but Rosalie’s words had resonated with me. ‘No creepy stalker routine, you are going to have to do it like the humans do.’ Though the reference to me as a stalker stung, I could see the logic in her words. I had to do this as a human if I had any chance of winning her over, so with a heavy heart, I left her to her studies and walked home.

Carlisle and Esme weren’t home, so I was left to my confused thoughts. I found myself sitting on the bench before the piano Esme had brought when I came home a year ago. It was untouched; even Rosalie, who was an accomplished pianist, had not played it.

I opened the cover and ran my fingers along the keys. My fingers pressed down and the note rang out clearly. I ran through Nocturnes and Esme’s favorite before slipping into the soft rhythm of Brahms’s Lullaby. It was not the lullaby I wanted to play, but it felt wrong to play that without her here at my side. I vowed that I would play it though, and soon, but not until the person it was written for was here to share it.

I lost track of time as I played, and it wasn’t until I heard a choking sob behind me that I realized I was not alone. I spun around and saw Esme standing at the door, her face caught between joy and sadness.

“Don’t stop, please, Edward. I have missed your playing so much,” she pleaded.

I turned again and began to play the song I had written for her. She stood behind me, her hand resting on my shoulder as I played. If Alice were here too, the scene would have been a perfect recreation of the night so long ago, when I had sat in the Forks house composing the lullaby I was now unable to play.

I allowed the last note to trail off and turned slowly.

“Thank you Edward, that was lovely,” she said sincerely. “I trust things went well today. You seem in much better spirits than I have seen you in a long time.”

“Not remotely,” I said with a humorless laugh. “I will leave Emmett to tell you about it, he would not want me to deny him the chance to mock my failure.”

“I don’t understand, if things went so badly, why are you so happy now?”

“It went badly, but I can fix it. I hope I can, anyway. I can hear the others coming up the drive now, where is Carlisle? I don’t want to have to suffer through the telling twice, and I also have some questions for him.”

“He was called into the hospital. Someone wanted to leave early, so the schedule got changed around. He will be home soon, though.”

That worked in my favor, as I wanted to discuss this discovery about Bella’s scent with him. Though I knew Emmett’s declaration that my nose was broken was sheer foolishness, it was a little worrying. What if her scent became as potent as it had been before, and I was unprepared? I needed to seek his advice. I just hoped he was a little more helpful than he had been this morning, I didn’t feel much like listening to him laughing at my predicament again.

The sounds of car doors slamming was followed by light footsteps as my siblings joined us in the lounge. Alice looked at me and then the piano significantly, and I nodded. Her smile was dazzling, she had probably already seen that I had been playing, but wanted a chance to show her pleasure anyway.

“Did Edward tell you about his disastrous lunch with Bella?” Emmett asked Esme, a wide smile on his face.

“No, he did not want to deny you the pleasure of telling,” she said fondly.

“Awesome! Well, Alice got Bella to meet us for lunch and–”

“Hold that thought,” Alice instructed. “Carlisle will be home in a minute, and you don’t want to have to tell the story twice.”

“I don’t mind,” he said cheerfully. Imagining the amusement to be had in being able to recount the tale twice, perhaps even with some embellishments. He caught Esme’s stern look and backtracked. “Perhaps it would be better to wait.”

I heard the Mercedes coming along the drive and Carlisle’s thoughts; he was evidently still amused by our earlier phone call.

Skull cracking, bone breaking, oh my, poor Edward… oh sorry. Realizing he was now within my hearing range, he directed his thoughts to a patient he had treated that morning.

I moved over to the large couch and waited for him to join us. He came in and received Esme’s kiss. They shared one of the moment of silent communication, staring into each other’s eyes. The slight quirking of lips, and beginnings of a frown was their own form of telepathy. All my knowledge of love was learned by observing the two of them, and it never ceased to please me to see them like this. They were the embodiment of everything I had ever hoped to have with Bella.

“Can I tell you now?” Emmett asked eagerly, drawing their eyes to him and spoiling the moment.

“Tell us what?” Carlisle questioned.

“He wants to tell you how I screwed up my meeting with Bella today,” I said tiredly.

Did you mention skull cracking? His lips twitched as he fought a smile.

“No, I think what I did say was even worse. I’ll let Emmett tell you, he’ll take much more pleasure in it than I would.”

Emmett launched into an enthusiastic telling of our lunch date. To his credit, Carlisle managed to hide his amusement fairly well. Esme was torn between pitying me, and marveling at the way Bella had handled it.

“And I think Edward’s nose is broken,” Emmett finished.

Carlisle gave him a curious look, then turned to me. “Please explain.”

I told him about the change in my reaction to Bella’s scent.

“Has something changed? Does she smell different?” he asked.

“No, she smells exactly the same, but it doesn’t tempt me,” I said.

“Well this is curious,” he mused, his thoughts establishing and disproving theories at an impressive rate. “I wonder if there is something in the blood itself that caused the intense thirst before that has changed in the last two years. It could be a result of her aging, her hormone levels would be different now. It would be easier to deduce if I had a sample to work with.”

Rosalie snorted. “Sure, we’ll just ask her to donate a little blood so you can play mad scientist. I wonder how we should broach the subject.” She tapped her chin with theatrical concentration. “Hey, Bella, you know my brother - yes the one that was such an ass earlier - well he has a problem. You see, he used to hunger for your blood, and now he doesn’t, and it has him a little confused. Oh by the way, we’re vampires and we used to know you before you bopped your head and forgot a chunk of your life.”

“You know there is such a thing as taking sarcasm too far,” Esme chided. “Besides, I think you are all missing the obvious here.”

Six pairs of eyes snapped to her, and she shrugged. “Edward loves Bella. He was away from her for two years, two years of pain. Why couldn’t his instincts have adapted to protect him?”

“I don’t understand,” I said, clueless as to where she was heading with this theory.

“You were in pain for two years without her, I think your instincts have adapted to protect you from that pain again. Your own control was a big deciding factor in the danger we posed. Now the danger is negated.”

“That actually makes sense,” Carlisle said. “There is no way of testing the theory. Edward will just have to take the same precautions he took before, in case whatever it is does stop.”

That I could do, if she let me anywhere near her again, that is. I had to do something to make up for my boorish behavior today. The problem was, I had no idea how to engage this new Bella long enough to apologize.

“I want to see her,” Esme said.

Me too, I thought longingly.

“I think I can help with that. I checked her file when I was at the hospital today, she has registered so I have her address.”

“Can we go now?” Esme asked excitedly.

There were noises of assent from the others, and I stared at them, astonished. “But you all told me I had to do this human style, no stalking. If I arrive at her front door with my entire family, I think she really will get a restraining order.”

“We’re not going to knock,” Alice said, rolling her eyes. “We will just observe from a distance.”

“You told me I couldn’t–“

“Oh for heaven’s sake Edward, don’t tell me you don’t want to see where she’s living,” Rosalie said.

“I really want to see her,” Esme implored. “You have all had a chance to speak to her, I just want to look at her.”

Esme was not usually one for guilt trips, but she flashed through her mind the last time she had seen Bella, her thoughts pleading with me.

“Fine,” I huffed. “But if this is going to be a family outing, none of you are to tease me about stalking anymore, okay?”

“Of course we won’t,” Alice assured. “We won’t need to, you aren’t going to be doing that anymore, anyway.”

Her tone was almost threatening, and I groaned internally. This was going to be impossible.

xXx

The address Carlisle had for her was close to the college, and was in a sufficiently quiet area that we were able to run most of the way.

We came to a small house, edging Sunset Park. We were able to find suitable cover in a small copse of trees at the rear of her house. I was surprised she was able to afford off-campus housing, but didn’t give it much thought as the back door opened and out stepped my reason for being.

“Oh, just look at her,” Esme whispered, “she’s so beautiful.”

She was always perfect to me, but seeing her through Esme’s thoughts, I could appreciate just how much the extra years had enhanced it.

She was clutching a mug of coffee and a cordless phone. Sitting on a swing, she curled her legs under her and dialed. I heard the gruff voice of Charlie Swan answer. They exchanged pleasantries, and I noted how much more verbose Charlie was now compared to the man I had known. He had always adored Bella, she was his world, but he had never been able to express himself well.

We listened as she recounted her encounter with Carlisle the day before. He was saddened to hear she was going to drop the class and felt furious at himself for his harsh words. I chuckled at the familiar stubborn set of her jaw as Charlie encouraged her to explain her special circumstances.

He was pleased at the mention of her meeting us for lunch, though her reference to the ‘douchey professor’ made Carlisle wince.

Douchey is a bad thing, right? he asked and I nodded. I tried to fight the urge smile at his discomfort given the reaction he had to my fears earlier. It was going well until Bella mentioned our name.

Charlie’s reaction was fierce, but no more than I expected given the way we had left so suddenly. He implored her to stay away from us, and I watched in awe as she cut the call, huffing impatiently.

Her conversation with Renee was less explosive but no less enlightening. She handled her mother’s demands calmly, but it took its toll on her. I saw her posture droop as she absentmindedly massaged her temples.

“Renee, I am not transferring to Florida,” she said finally. “I worked hard to get into Cornell and I am staying. I don’t know what is wrong with you and Charlie, but I am quite old enough to choose my own friends. Now I have a headache, I am going to lie down.”

I was on alert immediately, considering all the complications that could arise from her surgery. I listened as she reassured her mother that she was fine, but if anything worsened she would go to the ER. I tried to control my panic, but was one step away from dragging Carlisle over to examine her at once.

“Dammit Edward, calm down. It is just a tension headache, she said it, and I can feel it. She is fine,” Jasper said, but it did not soothe my worry much. Carlisle understood my panic and sent me mental reassurances. You need to relax son, she is fine.

I watched as she picked up her mug and headed back into the house, her footsteps tired and trudging. I heard her rinse her cup, then make her way up the stairs. The bedsprings squeaked as she lay down, and I heard her whisper to herself.

“Tomorrow will be better.”

Chapter Text

Bella POV

When I woke in the morning, I didn’t remember dreaming at all, but there were three words written on the pad in my own untidy scrawl: Black. Eyes. Angry.

Not for the first time, I found myself looking at words I didn’t remember writing. My dream was lost, either because of the chaos that was my brain, or because of the confusion of sleep. It was hard to differentiate sometimes between what was a result of the accident, or because I was human. My dreams used to torment me on a nightly basis, it was as if in my sleep my brain tried to connect the dots between my leaving Phoenix and waking in Forks. I was never able to make sense of them though, even with the dream diary I kept.

There was one that I had more than any other. I would dream that I was in a forest, searching for something. It felt like there was a gaping wound in my chest, and I knew if I could just find… something… the pain would stop. Who or what I was looking for was never clear. I quizzed my parents and Jacob about it, the frequency of the dream making me believe it had to have some basis in my actual life, but they all said I avoided the forest at all costs. Apparently I had good reason to, as the one time I attempted a hike I ended up falling and scrambling my brain.

Eventually the dream became less frequent, and I filed it away as yet another mystery I would never uncover.

I pulled open my curtains and was greeted by another overcast day. Cornell may be a great college, but why couldn’t it be somewhere a little warmer? I spent the last weeks of June in Florida with my mother before packing up my room at Charlie’s, and making the trip east to Ithaca. Jacob, Quil, and Embry had come with me, making it into a road trip. We had borrowed a truck from one of the guys on the reservation so I could haul my few boxes and, more importantly, my bike.

I had no furniture at all for the house, but there were plenty of thrift stores in the area, and I had a lot of fun dickering for bargains. It was easier to haggle with shop keepers when you were flanked by three young men with bulging muscles. With the last of my settlement, I was able to furnish the house comfortably, if not particularly stylishly. I liked it though, it was my own space and the one place I could be free to show my differences without judgment.

Once the boys got home and told the others about my new home, I was inundated with packages of blankets, pictures and, from Emily, food. Sue Clearwater sent me some lovely framed prints of me with the guys at a bonfire party. There was a very sweet one of her youngest son Seth trying to give me a piggy back ride. He was a great kid, but only thirteen and had not yet had the growth spurt that seemed genetic to the males of La Push.

I showered and dressed, checking the time; it was still early, but as I had gone to bed so early last night, I hadn’t done any of the assigned reading. I grabbed my diary and checked the mess of Post-it notes fanning over the page. Most of them were now unnecessary: reminders to call Renee and Charlie, a note to fill the gas on the bike. The ones I had to deal with now were reading for class, and an email from Emily to reply too. I booted up my laptop and opened my text book. I read the assigned text aloud – a trick I had learned in high school. If I read to myself ,I was better able to retain the information. Most of these techniques were now redundant as my short term memory was much improved compared to what it had been, but they had become second nature to me.

I sent off a quick email to Emily, telling her about school, and thanking her for her latest parcel of cookies. With that sent, I gathered my books and headed out to my bike. It was only a two-mile drive to campus, and I wished it had been longer. I loved the feel of riding, though the speed I could achieve on these small streets was nothing compared to what I had been able to do on the back roads of Forks. I had to tone it down some after getting a ticket for speeding. The $100 fine was bad enough, being ticketed my own father was a whole lot worse.

“I can’t stop you riding the damned thing,” he had ranted, “but I can make sure you stay within the speed limit.”

I had been annoyed at first; what was the point of having a cop for a father if he didn’t make exceptions for his only child? But his following words were heartfelt.

“I almost lost you once, Bells. Do me a favor and keep it within the limit okay?”

I had mainly kept to the limit, heading to the freeway when I felt the need for speed.

I pulled into the parking lot and killed the engine, a silver Volvo pulling in after me. It was the epitome of a “dad car,” and I wondered which hapless professor had taken the wrong turn and come to the student lot. I laughed raucously when I saw the Cullens step out.

The big guy – Emmett, I reminded myself – waved happily. It was an oddly sweet gesture from someone who looked like he could snap me in half with one hand. I waved back, smiling, until I spotted his brother Edward climbing out of the driver’s seat. I watched him as he smiled tentatively, and I found myself smiling in return. He may be a little peculiar about motorcycle safety, not to mention the dad car, but he really had a beautiful smile. It was a little crooked, but rather than detracting from his allure, it added to it.

I shook my head, dispelling the confusing thoughts. He had been interfering to the point of aggravating yesterday, but now I was assessing his attributes. What the hell was wrong with me?

xXx

The following two weeks passed quickly with the excitement of new classes, getting to know the campus, and new friends.

Alice Cullen was incredibly persistent, and persuaded me to meet her for lunch again. I found her bubbly personality a little overwhelming at times, but her boyfriend Jasper balanced her exuberance with his innately calm presence. He didn’t speak much, whether by choice or because he was unable to get a word in edgewise between Alice and Emmett, but I liked him. 

Emmett was the 6’ 5” male equivalent of a peppy cheerleader. He seemed to take joy in absolutely everything he did. I liked his positive outlook; it was refreshing, and he could make me laugh like no other. He reminded me of Embry in that respect.

His girlfriend Rosalie was the complete opposite; she was quiet, only ever taking her gaze from the magazine or book she was reading to give me an appraising look. Whatever she was hoping to see, I usually seemed to fall short of her expectations.

The one time I tried to engage her in conversation, she responded with an expression more suited to an offer of a pile of excrement than the cookie I had been holding out. I stopped bothering with her after that. I had learned long ago that some people were not worth the effort, and Miss Rosalie Hale was one of them.

The last of the Cullens was also the most enigmatic. Edward. I couldn’t figure him out. After our first disastrous lunch, he seemed to decide silence was the way to go. He would sit with us – which in itself was unusual as he wasn’t studying here – a silent observer to our conversations. At times I would catch his gaze on me, always with the same searching look, as if he was hoping to see something more that my polite smile.

After a particularly awkward lunch in which he had stared at me avidly, occasionally opening his mouth to speak and then snapping it shut again, I had taken Alice aside and quizzed her about his odd behavior.

“I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but what’s the deal with you brother?”

“Emmett? Not a clue, I think he was born that way,” she said with a teasing look.

“No, not Emmett. I already know what’s wrong with him, and it’s nothing a little Ritalin won’t help. I meant Edward. Is he like a high functioning savant or something?”

I had been researching it a little online since our first meeting, and it seemed the likeliest cause. He had spouted those statistics at me, and despite the bizarreness of it, his family seemed perfectly accepting.

Alice had laughed hysterically for a few minutes, as had Emmett (but as he was the opposite side of the quad it had to be for an entirely different reason). She eventually regained her equilibrium long enough to explain that he was just incredibly shy, and compensated for it by occasional outbursts of randomness such as I had been subjected to.

I had dropped the History of Art class, not wanting another encounter with Dr. Douche, as I had christened him. But I still saw him around the campus. He seemed to share the same lack of social grace as Edward. I caught him staring at me a few times with far more interest than was appropriate for a student he had met once.

Despite their friendliness, there was definitely something different about the Cullens. Though they were not biologically related, they shared too many characteristics for it to be coincidence.

The pale skin, shadowed eyes, and extraordinary attractiveness was odd enough, but their eyes gradually darkening to almost black had me Googling rare diseases within a week of meeting them. Jasper and Edward seemed immune to the darkening eyes, their own remained clear gold with only slight darkening.

I accepted these oddities as part of who they were. I knew from my own experiences that if there was something they were hiding, it was probably for a good reason. Who was I to interfere?

When I arrived at our usual table in the quad for lunch on Friday, I found Edward sitting alone. I considered sneaking away and coming back when there was someone else to buffer the awkwardness. But when he caught sight of me, he smiled one of those dazzling smiles that lit his whole face. He looked so pleased to see me that it would have been unkind to leave him alone.

“Hi Edward,” I greeted with false cheeriness, sitting opposite him. “Where are the others?”

“They have been held up, they will be here soon though.”

Thank god for that.

I pulled my lunch from my bag, noting that he had no food in front of him.

“Not hungry?” I asked.

“I seem to have forgotten to bring my lunch today, I will get something from the vending machine later.”

“You don’t need to do that, those things are ridiculously overpriced.”

His lips quirked into a smile, finding amusement in my words. I was well aware that he and his family were not short of funds; everything from their clothes to their cars screamed money. That didn’t mean they needed to waste it, though.

I pulled a spare fork from my bag and moved my bowl of pasta salad to the centre of the table. “We can share,” I said, handing him a fork.

He looked a little stunned, but his face broke into another of those dazzling smiles, and he nodded. “That is very kind of you.”

“Well, it’s not haute cuisine, but it’s not bad if I do say so myself.”

I speared a forkful of salad, and gestured for him to do the same. I was surprised how comfortable I felt with him; he seemed a different person when alone. I wondered whether his extrovert siblings overpowered his more sedate personality.

He gazed at me carefully, seeming to want to say something but thinking better of it. If this was not going to be a silent affair, I was going to have to take the conversational lead.

“Do you have plans for the weekend?” I asked.

“Nothing concrete, Emmett and I may go hiking, but its dependent on Rosalie. How about you?”

“I’m going to Finger Lakes!” I was excited about the trip, and my smile was animated. He looked a little confused, so I continued my explanation. “It’s a forest. There are some great trails there.”

“You’re going hiking?” He sounded as shocked as if I had announced I was planning to spend my weekend experimenting with hard drugs.

“No.” He looked relieved. “I’m going running. I like hiking but there are some great trails in the forest, and I haven’t been able to really stretch my legs for a while.”

He seemed to be battling with himself. Perhaps he wanted to give me another lecture on statistics - the risks of running, this time. His head cocked to the side, and his expression became concentrated, as if he was listening to someone talk from a distance.

“I like running,” he said eventually. “Would you be opposed to some company?”

“You?” I blurted it without thought, and his smile faded.

“Forget I asked, I merely meant…”

“You can come.” Once again the words came without thought.

“Really?” He looked thrilled.

“Really. I am going to go on my bike, so we will have to meet there unless you want to ride on the back.” I was sure this would be met with a show of masculine pride, and explanations that ‘men are not passengers’ as I had experienced with Jacob many times. Yet again he surprised me.

“I would like that. I am sorry about my boorish behavior regarding your bike last time. It was rude and impertinent of me.”

“That’s okay,” I assured him. “Alice explained.”

There was an awkward silence following that, and I regretted my words at once. I knew well enough how it felt to have my weaknesses pointed out, and was sure he didn’t appreciate it either.

Luckily, Alice and the others arrived at that moment, and broke the tension.

“Hey, Bella,” Emmett greeted enthusiastically. “Sorry we were late, hope Edward didn’t bore you too much.”

Edward’s face fell, and I felt a surge of pity for him. His brother’s overbearing personality was definitely a factor in his social awkwardness.

“Actually, we were having an interesting conversation before you came blundering over,” I informed him, my tone a little harsher than I intended, but for some unfathomable reason I felt protective of Edward and his gentle nature. “In fact, we were making plans to go running together tomorrow.”

“You’re going running?” Like Edward, he seemed astonished but he also seemed amused. Why was it such a shock to them? I wasn’t as clearly athletic as them, but I was not a china doll.

“Yes, running.” I was growing irritated now.

Emmett seemed to realize I was unamused, and his expression became rueful. “Can I come?”

“So you can laugh at me? No.”

“I won’t laugh, I promise. Come on Bella, we could make it a group trip. I’ll behave, promise.” He looked at me pleadingly.

I looked to Edward to see what he thought, and he nodded.

“Fine, you can come,” I told him. “But if you dick around, you won’t be coming again.”

“I’ll be good,” he said, beaming.

We spent the rest of lunch arranging our trip. I was going to meet them in the campus parking lot, and we would drive down together. Well, that was the plan, anyway. If they came in the dad car, I was going to show them just how much speed my bike could achieve. And maybe get a little one-on-one time with Edward, too. The person he had been at lunch today was intriguing, and I wanted to get to know him a little better.

When I finished my afternoon classes, I was met with a surprise in the parking lot. Standing beside my bike were three very familiar men.

“Jacob,” I squealed, running toward him and launching myself into his arms. I relished the warmth that Jacob and his friends all seemed to radiate. They said it was a genetic quirk, and Billy didn’t seem too worried about it, so neither was I.

He spun me around, laughing his throaty laugh. “Hey Bells, you miss me?”

“Definitely. I didn’t expect to see you so soon, though.”

I greeted Embry and Quil with equal enthusiasm. Though it had only been weeks since I had last seen them, it felt like months.

“We enjoyed the last road trip so much, we couldn’t wait to do it again,” Jacob said with an easy smile.

“So this has nothing to do with Charlie freaking out when I mentioned my new friends?” I said suspiciously.

“New friends?” he asked innocently. “He didn’t say anything about new friends.”

“I smell bullshit. You don’t want to share, fine, but don’t screw this up for me Jake. I really like them.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Would we guys?”

Quil and Embry hastened to reassure me, but I was not convinced.

“Is that them?” Jacob asked.

I turned and saw the Cullens approaching, and I waved them over. “Yeah, that’s Edward, Alice, Jasper…”

I trailed off as I caught sight of their expressions. They looked horrified.

What the fuck?

Chapter Text

Chapter Seven

Edward POV

I was waiting in the parking lot, hoping for another chance to talk to Bella when I heard Alice’s frantic thoughts. I raced to her side, hampered by the need to appear human, and found her and Jasper halfway to the parking lot.

“What is it?” I asked.

“What have you done?” she hissed. “What have you decided?”

I couldn’t think of anything I had done to upset her so much. The only concrete plans I had made was to see Bella, and our plans for tomorrow.

“I don’t understand Alice, what did you see?”

“Your future went black,” she said accusingly. “If you think we are going to let you go to those Italian murderers you’re dead wrong. Why would you leave now? Bella is starting to like you again.”

“I am not going to the Volturi. Show me what you saw.”

She opened her mind and I saw myself standing in the parking lot, and then nothing. My future was gone.

“It was just yours,” she said, “Everyone else was fine.”

“What about Bella?”

She looked horrified, clapping her hand to her mouth. “I didn’t look… I didn’t think…”

“Look now!” I ordered.

She searched and I focused on her thoughts alone. There was nothing there. Bella had no future.

“Edward wait!” she called after me but I was already running, I did not even care that I was moving too fast to be entirely excusable as human. I had to get to Bella.

“Hey Edward, what–” Emmett called as he and Rosalie came out of a side door. I shoved him aside but he caught my arm. “What’s the matter?” he asked, ignoring my desperate struggles.

“Bella. Something has happened to Bella.”

Alice and Jasper caught up with us and Jasper took my other arm, forcing his manufactured calm on me.

“Stop that!” I growled.

“No.” he said harshly. “I understand that you are worried about Bella, but I will not allow you to expose us all.” Even as he spoke he was leading me to the parking lot, this time at a human pace.

I smelt them before I saw them. The foul stench of werewolves.

Three young men were standing beside Bella’s bike. One of them was vaguely familiar. It took me a moment to recognize Jacob Black, the boy that had broken the treaty by telling Bella our true nature. As one they turned to face us, their nostrils flaring and their expressions hostile. I moved to approach them but was halted by Bella’s arrival.

“Jacob!” She came pelting along the path and threw herself into his arms. The easy familiarity between them showed the depth of their relationship. She had said nothing of a boyfriend to any of us, but she was also private. Was I too late after all?

Jealousy surged through me. I was consumed by it, I wanted to rip her from his arms. He had the audacity to hold my Bella like that.

“Calm down, Edward.” Jasper hissed.

I struggled to control myself. I knew I was hurting him with my storm of emotions, but it felt like my heart was being torn from my chest.

“Is that them?” Jacob’s voice pulled my attention back to their conversation.

She waved us over with a bright smile, “Yeah, that’s Edward, Alice, Jasper…” she trailed off, her smile falling.

“Smile,” Alice hissed between her teeth. I attempted to school my features in a calm smile, but failed. Thankfully Emmett was a much better actor than I.

“Hey Bella, who are your friends?” He made his way over to them a beaming smile in place. Alice prodded me in the small of the back and walked towards my heart and mortal enemy.

“This is Jacob, Quil and Embry.” Bella pointed to each of them in turn. “They are friends from back home.”

Friends, Edward, she didn’t say boyfriend so calm down and look human. Jasper ordered.

“Nice to meet you,” I said curtly. Bella shot me a confused look and I attempted to make my tone a little friendlier. “What brings you to Ithaca?”

“We missed Bella, so we thought we would make a road trip. See how she’s enjoying the college life, make sure she’s safe.” Though his tone was friendly, he was clearly as uncomfortable being this close to us as we were to him.

“Safe? Seriously Jake it’s time to give up with the guard dog act. I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.”

Her words triggered something in his mind and I saw a flash of an ashen Bella, unconscious on the ground. Blood pooling beneath her from a jagged cut on her head.

I sucked in a breath, Bella missed it but my family didn’t.

“Sure you are,” Jacob said affably. His expression showing nothing of the horror in his mind. You’re the mind reader right? I nodded discreetly. We need to talk.

I nodded again. It was taking all my control to remain composed.

“So are we still on for tomorrow?” Emmett asked, distracting Bella.

“When?” I asked quietly, as she replied to Emmett’s enquiry.

Meet us in the woods behind Bella’s house tonight. We will come when she is asleep.

That was perfect; I had no intention of leaving Bella to their care. Stalking quips be damned, I was not letting her out of my sight while those beasts were here.

“See you in the morning then,” Emmett said happily, apparently having confirmed our plans with Bella while I was distracted by the wolf.

“Bye.” Bella waved as she straddled her bike. The wolves climbed into a truck and pulled out of the lot ahead of her.

“Hold it together Edward,” Alice cautioned. “Just a little longer.”

We climbed into the Volvo, luckily Rosalie took the drivers seat; I wasn’t sure I could have driven with my tangled thoughts.

“Take me to Bella’s.” I demanded. “And for God’s sake, hurry. She is alone with those dogs.”

“They seemed calm enough,” Jasper observed. “We were not six feet from them and they held their temper. I think Bella is safe.”

“Think is not good enough. You don’t know them, Jasper. You haven’t seen what they are capable of. Stop here,” I instructed Rosalie. I got out of the car and slipped into the trees. I heard footsteps following and knew from their scents’ that Jasper, Alice and Emmett were following.

We got to the woods behind Bella’s house just as she pulled into the drive. The wolves arrived a second later, they had apparently used the time in the drive over to discuss how best to deal with us. Their thoughts focused on keeping Bella happy and oblivious to their own tension.

I know you’re out there, leech. Jacob’s voice invaded my mind. She is safe with us, but I don’t expect you to believe me. You stay out of sight and as soon as she is asleep we will talk. We have a lot to discuss.

They did seem to have good control, and she clearly trusted them, but it still took all my control to remain hidden while he and his friends were so close to her. 

Rosalie returned after an hour, accompanied by Carlisle and Esme. We explained the situation briefly and they joined in our silent vigil.

It was interesting to hear Bella interacting with her friends. She was relaxed and happy with them; talking of Charlie and other people whose names I hadn’t heard before. It seemed she created a good circle of friends in her last year in Forks.

She told them about her time in college. The wolves connected the moniker Dr. Douche and Carlisle, and found it hilarious to use the name as often as possible. Carlisle maintained his usual calm persona, though his thoughts were not so sanguine. He feared he would never get a chance to know the new Bella, a fear echoed by Esme. If our trip to Finger Lakes went well perhaps in time we could persuade her to visit the house.

Eventually Bella’s yawns became too frequent for her to deny and she went to bed. The wolves had evidently been guests here before as she already had a store of air mattresses and bedding for them. Pushing away the surge of jealousy those thoughts caused, I prepared to face the wolves.

When they came outside, it was clear that the easy calm they had exuded up to now was gone. They fought the urge to attack us with every step they took towards us. Jacob was the only one in human form; his friends had phased.

“Let’s get one thing straight now, we are here to give you a message and nothing more. When we have finished you will leave Bella the hell alone.” Jacob spoke with misplaced authority. He truly believed he had the right to order us away. There was no doubt in his mind that we would obey. He was in for a shock.

Calm Edward. Carlisle cautioned in response to my low growl. “Are you the Alpha of the new pack?”

“No, Sam Uley is.”

He was skilled at masking his thoughts but his friends were not so good. Jacob was supposed to be alpha but had refused the role. Not privy to their thoughts Carlisle questioned him.

“Levi Uley’s descendant?”

“Yes. He was the first to phase.”

“But as Ephraim’s heir you should have taken the position when you joined the pack.”

“That is not your business,” Jacob said harshly. “Speaking of things you shouldn’t be sticking your nose into, why are you here? How did you find out where she was?”

He thought we had orchestrated our reintroduction to Bella’s life.

“We didn’t,” Carlisle said. “It was not until she arrived in my classroom that we knew she was here. We have lived here since we left Forks.”

“That’s one heck of a coincidence,” Jacob scoffed.

“But a coincidence nonetheless,” Carlisle said serenely. “Now you mentioned a message but I was wondering if you would mind answering a few questions for us first.”

“Haven’t you already found out enough? I bet you didn’t waste any time calling around and finding out what you could as soon as you saw her.”

Technically we had ‘hacked around’, but Jacob was impressively perceptive. He was not the same boy that had irritated me with his childish fantasies of Bella two years ago. Whatever had happened in the intervening years had matured him.

“We know a little, but we would be grateful for anything else you could tell us.” Carlisle chose his words carefully, allowing them to believe they had the upper hand. He expected me to be able to discover what we needed from Jacob’s thoughts but his ability to mask them was stopping me. Luckily the flattering tone appeased him.

“You really fucked her over,” he said, giving me an accusatory look. “When you left her, you broke her.”

One of the wolves whined and I saw in his mind an image of Bella. It had to be an exaggeration, there was no way my Bella could ever look like that. She was curled on the forest floor. With a shock of horror I recognized her clothes as the outfit she had worn the day I left her.

I groaned drawing all eyes to me. The family were concerned and curious, but Jacob and his friends were satisfied. To them I was getting a fraction of what I deserved. I did not disagree.

“She was real bad for months, Charlie was going crazy with worry. I fixed her.” He practically swelled with pride. “She came to me and I looked after her. She was getting better when it all went to shit again.” He expression darkened and the careful guard on his thoughts slipped. 

“You phased.”

His memories were fascinating to see, though each was laced with pain. He had been terrified by what was happening to him, and had come very close to attacking his father the first time. His alpha had barred him from seeing Bella, the risk of her being hurt unintentionally was too great.

“I phased. I couldn’t see Bella in case I hurt her, but of course she didn’t know that. She was mad at me for disappearing and came to La Push to confront me. One of my pack brothers didn’t have such good control as me and phased in front of her.”

I hissed. I saw in the wolves’ thoughts her horror-struck expression as she faced a monstrous wolf.

“I’m sure you know Bella has an odd ability to cope with the crazy shit. Well once she had got over the initial shock she accepted it without question.”

“Sounds like Bella,” Emmett said fondly.

Jacob chuckled. “Yeah, well once the secret was out she was able to help us a little. There was a leech in the area, and it turned out she was after Bella.”

Esme gasped. Her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes widened. “Is that what happened to her? Did a vampire do this?”

Jacob nodded bleakly. “Not the same one though. The leech we were hunting was a female. Apparently she had some vendetta against you; Bella said she was called Victoria.”

I was unable to hide my dismay. I had been hunting her all that time, though I hadn’t thought she was a real threat. I had only gone after her in the first place as a distraction from my pain. All the while she had been after Bella. I had failed her. Again.

“If it wasn’t Victoria that hurt Bella who was it?” Alice spoke for the first time.

The image formed in Jacob’s mind and I recognized the vampire immediately.

“Laurent,” I hissed.

“We caught a scent of the redhead, and were following her. I guess Bella got bored waiting for us and went hiking. She had been looking for some place in the forest, usually we went together but this time she went alone. We lost the scent of the redhead but caught another instead. We arrived in the clearing just as he was about to attack her. When he saw us, he ran, but he knocked her out of the way.”

Jacob paused in his speech, and took a deep breath. His expression became haunted.

“We didn’t know. We thought she had just been knocked over, we thought she would be fine. We caught the leech and destroyed him; but when we got back she was still on the ground.”

Once again I saw the image of Bella motionless on the ground, blood pooling around her. Jacob thoughts were chaotic as he questioned every move he had made that day. They had raced her to the hospital, but he worried that in doing so he had caused more damage.

“You did the right thing.”

His eyes snapped to me, he was just as shocked as I was to hear my reassurances. They had slipped from me without conscious thought.

“Really?”

“If you had not got her to the hospital when you did the outcome could have been much worse. But it would not have been better had you been faster. The damage was done as she struck the ground.”

He exhaled a whoosh of air; begrudgingly grateful for my words. He and his friends had been tortured by ‘what ifs’ ever since that day.

“Well I’m guessing you know the rest. They had to operate and when she woke up all her memories of Forks were gone. At first we were grateful.”

I gaped at him incredulously. How could he possibly be grateful that she had lost so much of her life? She must had lost her memories of him too.

He smiled wryly at my expression. “It sucked that she didn’t remember us but it was better for her because she didn’t remember you either. Then we heard that she wasn’t retaining new memories either. She was so damn depressed, it was nearly as bad as when you–”

His attention snapped to the house. Bella’s heart increased its pace and her breaths became gasps.

The wolf Bella had called Quil ran back toward the house. Returning to his human form he entered and a moment later I heard him whispering soothing words to Bella. They didn’t have the desired effect though, her gasps became whimpers.

We were all confused but Emmett was the only one able to forms words. “What the hell?”

“It’s a bad one,” Jacob was speaking to himself but naturally we heard it anyway.

Bella had always had vivid dreams but I had never heard her like this. I wanted to run to her side, to replace Quil’s comforting words with my own.

Her whimpers became a scream, only one word discernible. “Edward!”

I lurched forward, not immediately understanding why I was unable to move. Emmett’s arms were clamped around my chest like steel bands. Harsh growls ripped from my throat as I struggled against his hold.

Carlisle stepped in front of me placing a hand on my chest. “You cannot go to her, Edward. She is awake now; imagine what would happen if she saw you arrive in her bedroom in the middle of the night.”

His touch calmed me slightly, and I ceased my struggle. “But she remembers. She said my name!”

Jacob’s expression was almost sympathetic. “She doesn’t, listen now.”

I slipped into the boy Quil’s mind and watched though his eyes as she raked her hands through her sleep tousled hair. Even bleary eyed and flushed from her dream she was still the most beautiful vision I had ever seen. She seemed completely comfortable waking to find someone beside her which made me think this was not an isolated incident. It was confirmed by Quil’s next words.

“The forest dream again?”

She nodded. “Same old, same old. I just wish I knew what it meant; I have it far too often for it to be coincidence.

“Maybe not. I have a recurring dream about a forest too, though in mine I’m naked. I don’t think that means anything. Try and get some sleep,” he advised.

She nodded drowsily and curled up under her blankets again. “Night, Quil.”

“Night, Bella.” He left the room, but waited outside the door for her breathing to slip into the slow steady rhythm of sleep before coming to join us again.

“She doesn’t remember. What you just heard was a nightmare.” Jacob lost the sympathetic tone, now his voice was harsh.

The pain in my chest which had been a constant while I was away from her pulsed. I felt like I had lost her all over again. I had been so sure she remembered me, and now all my hopes had been snatched away.

“Can you imagine how Charlie felt hearing her cry for you like that every night? We thought after she was hurt she would at least get some reprieve for her pain. That is why we are less grateful now. You may not ruin her waking hours anymore, but you still haunt her dreams.”

It was not just Charlie’s suffering that twisted his features with fury; it was his own. He loved Bella. He had been sure he would imprint on her when he became a wolf and had been bitterly disappointed when he hadn’t.

“Is that who your message is from; Charlie?” Carlisle asked.

He liked Bella’s father and respected him. He didn’t want to have to deny him if he wanted us to leave; though he would. His love for me and Bella far outweighed his affection for Charlie.

“No, the Chief wanted us to persuade Bella to stay away from you. To him we are a group of kids; he wouldn’t send us to talk to you. It might be a good idea for one of you to call him though. He is working himself up to an aneurism with all this stress. Our message comes from Sam.”

“I will make that call,” Carlisle assured him. “It was remiss of us not to do so sooner. What does Sam wish to say to us?”

“The redhead is after Bella, I don’t know why, she didn’t explain it to us before…” He shook his head to dispel the images of Bella broken on the ground. “If you are going to be hanging around – which for the record is a shitty idea – you need to be aware of the risks. She is not working alone. There is another leech, but we haven’t been able to get a good look at it yet; only caught the scent.”

“Why has Victoria not attacked already?” I asked. I couldn’t understand why she had not struck while Bella was unprotected. The wolves had not been here for some time; there was no trace of their scent in the area before today.”

Jacob smiled proudly. “She thinks Bella is in Forks.”

That made no sense; Bella’s scent would be long since faded from the town. One thing I had learnt while tracking Victoria was that she was resourceful.

As if reading my mind Jacob continued. “We took Bella’s blood.”

“You did what?”

He chuckled amused at my horrified reaction. “There was a blood drive in Forks not long before she left--”

“Hold up,” Emmett interrupted. “Bella was at a blood drive? With the needles?”

Jacob chortled. “Yeah, you may not have noticed, but Bella is a different person now. She got over the thing with blood and needles after the accident. She kinda had to.”

I felt a pang of guilt for all the things I had missed. Not only was it my fault that she had been hurt, but I wasn’t there to take care of her afterwards.

“Our friend Emily pretended to faint and while they were distracted we stole her donation.” Jacob said, grinning widely. “It worked like a charm, and we have been keeping the scent fresh ever since. Combine that with our loud conversations about Bella being kept safe in La Push and the redhead is clueless.”

He was proud of himself, rightly so. It was an ingenious idea.

Carlisle marveled at their resourcefulness. “But what will you do if Victoria discovers the ruse? Would you be able to uproot your whole pack to protect her here?”

The answer to this was a resounding mental negative. They hoped they would be able to persuade her to return to Forks if Victoria found out.

“You know that’s not going to work.” I said.

“What’s not going to work?” Emmett asked.

“They plan to persuade Bella to go back to Forks if Victoria figures it out.”

He snorted. “Yeah, that’s not going to work.”

Now I understood why he had not been more forceful in his orders to stay away. As much as it galled him to admit it, he knew with our protection Bella would be much safer. He would have preferred to stay here with her, but his father was dependant on him. It was a testament to how much he had changed since I had last seen him. He and his pack were all very fond of Bella and were able to put aside their hatred of our kind for her sake.

“So you want us to protect Bella here while you try to keep Victoria ignorant?” Jasper hadn’t meant his words to sound so harsh; he was a military man at heart and was merely strategizing, but Jacob and his friends were angry.

“If you don’t think you’re up to the challenge, we can work something else out.” He said harshly. “We thought you would realize you owed Bella since it’s your fault she is in the mess in the first place.”

“Of course we want to help. We love Bella.” It was impossible even for them to not see Esme’s sincerity.

“What about the long term threat?” I chose my words carefully, we had reached an uneasy truce and I didn’t want to jeopardize it. “Victoria needs to be destroyed.”

“We get close but she escapes every damn time. We think she must have a gift that helps her.”

I was surprised how much Jacob knew about our kind. The theory had merit; Victoria had seemed to constantly be one step ahead of me when I was tracking her.

Carlisle’s thoughts mused over the difference in this pack compared to their ancestors. “That is an intriguing theory. I believe you may be correct.”

“Thanks, but it wasn’t me that came up with it; it was Bella. We thought the gifts thing was a myth but she told me about the mind reader.” Jacob said.

I had wondered how he knew; Bella wouldn’t have volunteered the information without need.

“If she is indeed gifted it is going to be much harder to catch her. Would your alpha be amenable to a little more assistance?” Jasper asked. “We can keep Bella safe here, but it would be better to eliminate the threat altogether.”

“I’ll have to talk to him.” Jacob’s tone was reluctant. “If he is, he will want to talk to you in person.”

“That is understandable. I think a face to face meeting with Charlie may also be a good idea.” Carlisle said.

Jacob snorted. “Good luck with that. You might be better off sticking to a phone call. Less chance of him pulling a gun on you that way.”

Bella whimpered in her sleep again and Jacob sighed. “It seems it is going to be a long night. You may not need sleep, but we do. We’re coming running with you tomorrow so we’ll see you then.”

They went back to the house and I heard Jacob whispering reassurances to a sleeping Bella.

“Did he say running?” Carlisle asked incredulously.

“Yep, we're going running with Bella and a pack of wolves tomorrow,” Emmett said brightly. “Should be an interesting day.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I waited impatiently for Bella to arrive the next morning. My impatience was mainly due to the fact that I arrived an hour earlier than we arranged. Emmett’s teasing was only part of the reason; I was like a child on Christmas morning, just too excited to wait. It was a forty minute drive to Finger Lakes, which meant I had forty blissful minutes of close contact with Bella to enjoy.

Hearing her cry for out for me in her sleep had been agonizing. It was a cruel twist of fate that she could remember me in her dreams, but in her waking hours I was a mere acquaintance. We had not even crossed the boundary into friends yet. Emmett and Alice had a closer relationship with my mate than I did now.

I had spent most of the night in discussion with Carlisle, arranging our trip to Forks, and trying to work out a plan of action. We were unable to decide much as we needed the family’s input, especially Jasper’s, but it helped pass the time.

Emmett’s jeep pulled into the parking lot, and my siblings climbed out. Rosalie had decided against joining us, unwilling to spend any longer in the wolves’ presence than was absolutely necessary. Jasper wasn’t overjoyed at the prospect either, but Alice refused to miss time with Bella, and he could not bear to let her out of his sight in the presence of a pack of wolves. He was not as sanguine about them now that he had seen them in close quarters.

“They’re on their way,” Alice said.

“I thought you couldn’t see them,” I said. We hadn’t been able to work out why Bella’s future had gone black, but Carlisle theorized it was because of the wolves.

“I can’t see them in a vision,” Alice said a little bitterly. “But I can see them when we are driving past them a mile down the road.”

Even as she spoke, Bella’s bike pulled into the lot. With a giggle I heard even through her helmet, she pulled to a stop an inch from Emmett. My fears for her riding the death machine had been relieved somewhat when I saw how well she handled it.

One of my favorite parts of the days spent loitering around the campus was seeing her arrive every morning. Her smile was always euphoric as she pulled off her helmet and shook out her hair. Jasper said her emotions were almost giddy when she was riding. He had taken to waiting with me each morning, so he could get what Emmett called his ‘fix of the happy stuff’.

“Morning all,” she greeted. Though her tone was bright, the signs of her disturbed sleep showed in the light shadows under her eyes. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited the boys to come with us.”

“The more the merrier.” Just have to try and stay downwind of them. Alice’s thoughts made me smile, and Bella returned it with enthusiasm.

It made my heart leap to see her look at me like that. What was once so common I had failed to fully appreciate it, was now the highlight of my day.

The truck pulled in, and Jacob climbed out of the driver’s seat.

“Hope you’re all hungry, Bella has been cooking up a storm all morning.” His smile was friendly, but he was fighting amusement. Apparently, he and his friends had plotted to make us eat as much human food as possible, and had encouraged Bella to make an enormous picnic.

“Starved,” Emmett said happily. “I can’t remember the last time I ate.”

Jasper snorted, but the wolves looked a little concerned.

“You want something now?” Bella was endearing in her concern for him. “There’s plenty.”

“That’d be great. I’ll need something to tide me over till we get there.”

A little concern became downright panic; they thought we were going to hunt while we were there.

I moved closer to the truck, under the guise of admiring the very pedestrian sound system, and whispered an assurance that Emmett was teasing; we had all hunted recently, and there was no risk to Bella. They seemed appeased, but when Bella tossed me a helmet and patted the back of her bike, Jacob lost his cool.

“Are you sure you want to ride, Bella? You aren’t used to riding with a passenger.”

She turned on him with an uncharacteristic glare. “I’m fine, but thank you for your concern. Just because you have some macho bullshit going on about riding with me, doesn’t mean Edward does.”

It would have been very bad manners to do a happy dance at that point, so I resisted the urge.

“You still want to ride with me, right?” she asked.

More than anything. I nodded.

“Well let’s go. Jacob, I advise you to use the journey to try and drag your stupid ass into the twenty-first century. If not, you can go home now.”

It was highly amusing to see him quail under her wrath. He mumbled something about behaving himself, and got back into the truck.

“Do you guys know the way?” she asked.

Jacob and Emmett nodded, Emmett with a lot more enthusiasm that Jacob.

“Okay, see you there.”

At her beckoning wave I climbed on the back of the bike. I felt ridiculous wearing a helmet - which was supposed to protect me - that I could crush with a flick of a finger, but I forgot my self-consciousness when she took my hands and wrapped them around her waist. This was the closest I had been to her in two years, and the warmth I could feel even through her jacket was blissful. I was grateful for the helmet then, as it stopped me from losing myself altogether and raining kisses on her neck. She waited for the others to pull out before following them.

The longer she drove, the more I relaxed. She remained within the speed limits, which comforted me; though I could not be hurt, she was still horribly breakable. All too soon the ride was over, and we pulled into the parking lot.

“So, statistically speaking, what are the odds of getting you on my bike again?” she asked, her eyes twinkled with amusement.

I was momentarily stunned; she was teasing me. While she had always had a good sense of humor, she had never teased me before. I liked it.

“The odds are definitely in your favor. That was fun.”

“Cool, I’ll give the engine a bit of a workout on the way home; see if you’re still so willing.”

Another forty minutes of having her in my arms. I was ecstatic at the prospect of doing it again.

She rooted in the truck bed and pulled out rucksacks for her and the wolves. Theirs were bulging with the food she had brought, but hers was much smaller. She looked over at us seeing our empty hands.

“Didn’t you bring water?”

“Guess we forgot,” Alice said, mentally cursing her oversight. She had ensured we were all dressed appropriately for the expedition – replacing my loafers for sneakers – but none of us had thought to bring water.

“Not to worry, we brought extra.” She tossed us each a bottle, and then pulled her sneakers from the truck. My eyes bugged out as she pulled her pant leg up to above the knee to unbuckle her riding boots.

Jesus, that’s hot! Bella is my sister, Bella is my sister. I do not find her hot. But Jesus, those boots…

I was too entranced by the sight before me to be upset by Emmett’s thoughts. He was right. It was unbelievably hot.

Bella was always beautiful to me, whether sleep-tousled in sweats, or in beautiful dresses, but this… this was a whole new level of attraction. I dragged my eyes away, worried my body would betray me, and looked at Jacob. I was sure if anything would quell my lustful thoughts it would be him. It worked to a fashion, but my lust was replaced by jealous anger. He was looking at her with unconcealed desire. I looked to Jasper imploringly, and he sent me a wave of his unique calming influence.

“Ready?” Bella looked at us expectantly as she shrugged on her rucksack.

We all murmured our agreement, some of us with more enthusiasm than others. I didn’t know how the wolves felt about running at a human speed, but we were not looking forward to it. It was worth it for Bella’s company, though.

When she said running, I assumed she meant jogging. I was wrong.

When we found the trail she wanted to follow, she stretched. Emmett copied her actions with an expression of one examining an interesting specimen in a zoo. When she was thoroughly prepped, she shot off along the trail. There was no other word for it, she sprinted along the trail. Her breathing was the slow and steady pace of an experienced athlete.

While we were doing all we could to remain at human speed, the wolves were not. They ran with Bella, pushing her to greater speeds with their pace.

She loves running even more than she loves the bike, Jasper thought, relishing the happiness that was coming from her in waves.

While he enjoyed her emotions, I enjoyed her expression; she was jubilant as she ran, and her smile was breathtaking.

When she eventually tired and slowed to a jog, I kept pace beside her, trying to match my breaths to hers. Emmett had forgotten the human act and stopped breathing altogether.

“Breathe, you dumbass,” Jasper hissed to him, and he immediately began gasping like an asthmatic tortoise. 

Bella ground to a halt, looking at him with evident worry. “Are you okay, Emmett?”

“Just… a… little… out… of… breath,” he gasped dramatically. 

“We’ll take a break.” She looked around and spotted a small grassy area through the trees. “We can stop here for lunch.”

“Awesome,” the wolves chorused.

Bella smiled at them fondly, then picked her way through the trees and flopped to the ground. The wolves were already scrabbling in their packs, pulling out packages of food and tearing into them with relish.

“Hey! Were you raised by wolves?” Bella scolded, fixing them with a stern look. They adopted remorseful expressions.

She knelt, taking the packages and spreading them out in a circle. Emmett took the spot on Bella’s other side, leaving Alice and I with a wolf as a neighbor. It was difficult to tell who was more upset about it, Alice or Jacob. I was so happy to be close to Bella that even the stench of the wolves failed to bother me.

“Dig in,” Bella said, taking a bowl of pasta salad and two forks for herself. I wondered at the forks until she held one out to me. “Want to share again?”

My smile was so wide that had I been human, it would have hurt. I heard her heart skip a beat as she caught my eye, and I had to resist the urge to cheer. It could have just been my supernatural allure that made her react like that, but it was the exact same way she would react to me before. I could not help but be hopeful. Could she be…

I tried to quash these hopeful thoughts - it was not wise to set myself up for disappointment - but was not entirely successful. I would have to ask Jasper what she felt around me; I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought to ask him before. Then again, he hadn’t volunteered the information either.

“Not hungry?” Bella pulled my attention back to her.

I looked around to see the wolves shoveling down food at an impressive pace. The others were attempting to look like they were enjoying their food, while tossing as much as they could into the undergrowth when Bella’s attention was elsewhere. 

“Not really.” Her face fell and I hurried to reassure her. “It’s really good though.”

She seemed appeased, and returned to her own lunch. Alice tired of the food tossing, and started a conversation about the Ithaca nightlife.

“We should go out tonight,” she enthused. “Hit Collegetown. I bet Rose would come, too.”

Bella seemed interested, but Jacob dashed our hopes.

“I was hoping we could watch a movie or something tonight, just the four of us. We have to head back tomorrow, and we haven’t had much time to just catch up.”

“We had all of last night. Come on, Jake, it’ll be fun.”

“But I really wanted to hang out, just us.” His pleading look was worthy of Alice at her most determined; it was shameless, but effective.

“Fine, we can hang out.” She turned to Alice, her expression apologetic. “Rain check?”

Alice nodded happily. “Absolutely.”

Bella pushed her plate away and stretched her legs out in front of her. “Toss me that pack, Embry.”

He passed over one of the packs, and she rooted through the pockets and pulled out a slim silver camera. I recognized it as the one Charlie had bought her as a birthday present.

“Smile,” she instructed, pointing the camera at Emmett. He beamed goofily, and she snapped a picture, then took pictures of each of us in turn.

Catching Jasper off guard, she caught his expression of adoration as he looked at Alice. I would have to ask for a copy of that one, Esme would love it.

“Let me take one of you,” Alice asked, holding out a hand for the camera. Bella relinquished it willingly and smiled beautifully. “Now one of you and Edward.”

Bella looked to me. “You mind?”

“Not at all.” I scooted a little closer to her and smiled into the lens.

Alice took the picture, then scowled as she examined it. “That’s no good; I didn’t get you both in the frame. Move a little closer.”

I gave her a questioning look. I had seen the picture in her thoughts and it was fine, though I had not concealed my expression of longing as well as I had hoped.

Trust me, Edward.

Bella shifted closer to me, and I reached a tentative arm around her shoulders. I felt her heart sputter and race. It felt like we had been encapsulated in a bubble, nothing else mattered in that moment. As she locked eyes with me, it was almost possible to believe she felt the same way.

Alice took the picture, snapping us out of our daze, and a blush rose to Bella’s cheeks.

“I think it’s time we headed home,” Jacob said stiffly. His thoughts were chaotic as he replayed the moment between Bella and me. He had seen something more in her expression, and whatever it was, he did not like it.

There she goes, just like before. I’ve got no chance now.

His sadness was my hope. He may not have a chance, but if he was right, I did.

xXx

We made quick work of packing up the remains of lunch, and the wolves shrugged on their considerably lighter packs. I waited for Bella to stretch out again, assuming she would want to run back, but after shooting Emmett a concerned look, she suggested we walk.

Emmett was disappointed that he would not get to see Bella run again; he found her new graceful self almost as entertaining as he used to find her tripping over fresh air. I was quite content to amble along at her side, though. The more time I got to spend with her, the better.

She questioned my plans for college, and I explained that I had been taking a year off, but grew bored, and was now waiting to see if Cornell would accept my late admission. I hadn’t known what she was studying; my awkwardness around her had not enabled much conversation. I expected she would be studying English or something similar, and was shocked when she said she was majoring in Psychology.

“What a coincidence,” Alice chimed in. “That’s what Edward is applying for too.”

I was?

Alice shot me an exasperated look. You want time with her, right?’

I nodded surreptitiously.

Then play along.

Bella gave me another dazzling smile. “Really? That will be fun. I need a study partner.”

Study partner. Soul mate. I would take whatever I could get. Besides, I didn’t have a psychology degree yet.

All the time we were talking happily, Jacob was stewing in anger. He read more into our conversation than simple friendship, and he struggled to find a topic that would bring her attention back to him.

“So Bella, your birthday is coming up. You’re coming home to celebrate, right?”

“Sorry, Jake. I can’t miss school, and the flights are too expensive.”

“You know Charlie won’t mind paying for a flight. He is missing you already. We had a whole thing planned, a bonfire party, cliff diving. Emily is real excited about it, and you know Charlie worries. He needs to see you.”

“I can’t, Jake. I will be home for Thanksgiving. I’m sure Charlie will survive without me till then, and I’ll call Emily and explain.”

Jacob maintained a disappointed expression, but his thoughts were cunning. “I get it, you’re too caught up with your new friends. You don’t have time for us anymore.”

If he laid the guilt on any thicker, he would need a trowel. I expected Bella to crumble immediately, but she held firm.

“Jacob, you are being an ass. You know me better than to believe that. Your guilt trips aren’t going to work either, so quit while you’re ahead. Besides, you know I am not big on birthdays.”

Take that, pup. My lil’ sis is not a pushover anymore. Emmett was grinning broadly, goading Jacob into another attempt at manipulation.

“I used to know you better, now I’m not so sure.”

Bella was hurt by his words, and her face fell. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, that or break the dogs jaw. Either was an appealing choice. She didn’t speak again, but hurried her pace back to the cars.

Quil and Embry were unimpressed by Jacob’s behavior. They glared at him, both planning to have a serious talk with him once they were in the privacy of their truck.

When we got to the parking lot, she climbed onto her bike and waited expectantly for me to join her. Jacob opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it. Her expression was black, her hurt had shifted to anger.

“Meet you at my place,” she said curtly.

“Sure, we’ll follow the–” Alice’s words were cut off as Bella gunned the engine and roared onto the road.

Unlike the sedate drive to the forest, Bella now drove with abandon. Venting her frustration on the road, she took corners too fast and pushed the engine to its limits. I gripped her a little tighter to me, ready to pull her from the out-of-control bike at any moment. She was oblivious to my concern, her breath coming in gasps and her heart pounding as she twisted and swerved, riding the adrenaline rush.

Emmett seemed to think her speed was a challenge and the jeep roared past, his laughter clear to my ears. Jacob followed him, not wanting to be outshone by a ‘leech’.

Instead of rising to the challenge, Bella slowed to a safer speed. I was just settling into the ride when she took an unexpected turn, leaving the others powering ahead while she took a side road.

She pulled over in a rest stop and pulled off her helmet. “He is such an asshole sometimes.”

“Jacob?” I wasn’t entirely sure she was talking to me, but I was curious about their relationship, and was hoping my question would open the topic.

“Yes, Jacob.”

She patted my hands, which were still wrapped around her waist indicating I should release her. Regretfully, I did, and we climbed from the bike.

“He is usually great, but every now and then he pulls crap like he did back there,” she said, pacing back and forth. “He knows why I can’t come home, but instead of being a friend and understanding, he starts with the guilt trips.”

“I’m sure he just misses you,” I said. It felt wrong to be defending him, but I knew he genuinely cared about her. He had kept her safe, too. I owed him.

She slumped down onto a bench. “Yeah, you’re right. He just forgets sometimes.”

“Forgets?” I was sure she was referring to her accident, but I was curious to see if she would confide in me. She patted the seat beside her, and I joined her.

“Something happened to me a while ago, and I was messed up for a long time. Jacob looked after me, fixed me if you will, but he forgets that I am not sick anymore. I’m not broken. I can decide things for myself.” She raked her hands across her forehead. “I sound really ungrateful, don’t I?”

“No, you sound like someone who has been though something bad and is starting out again. That takes courage.”

She smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Edward. You’re a really good listener.”

I wanted to laugh at the irony, but kept my expression serene. “My family often says the same.”

“I bet. Shall we head back? Jacob is probably worried.”

I nodded my agreement, and we climbed on the bike again and continued the journey home.

She was right about the worry. I heard the thoughts long before they were in sight. Jacob was having what Alice diagnosed as a ‘bitch fit’. He was pacing back and forth, mumbling threats while my siblings watched with ever growing amusement.

If he has hurt her, I will rip that bastard apart. What if they’ve had an accident? She could be hurt. She could be bleeding! He halted his pacing as we pulled up in front of Bella’s house. His relief at seeing her safe was overwhelming, but it quickly turned to anger.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he demanded.

“Excuse me?” She was caught off guard by his anger.

“You were supposed to ride with us, but you took off on your own. What were you thinking?”

Her eyes hardened and her jaw jutted as her own anger built. “I was thinking that I am adult and quite capable of deciding what I do with my own damn life.”

“You can’t just pull shit like that. I was worried.”

He destroyed all the composure and understanding she had gained from our talk. It was like watching a car crash in progress; I was unable to look away.

She didn’t answer him. Instead she grabbed his hand and dragged him away from us. Though she clearly thought they were out of earshot, we all heard every word she spoke.

“I happen to like Edward… and his family.” There was a definite pause after my name, and I had to fight the urge to whoop.

His expression was surly. “You like the pretty boy, is that it? Well you can forget it, he’s bad news.”

“Listen here, and listen good,” she hissed. “You are not my damn father. In fact, if my math is correct, you are still legally a child. You may look like a man, Jacob, but your brain needs a chance to catch up with your muscles.”

Her words stung, and his anger surged once more. “You sure your math is correct? It wouldn’t be the first time you forgot something, would it?”

I heard the shock in Jasper’s mind as he felt Bella’s anger surge.

“Oh shit.” Quil covered his eyes as if he couldn’t bear to see what happened next.

Before I could move to stop her, she swung her arm back and punched him on the jaw. There was a horrible cracking sound as she made contact, which I was pretty sure was a knuckle breaking.

“Mother-fucker!” She held her hand to her chest, dancing on the spot.

“Geez Bells. Why the hell did you do that? Let me take a look. I think you broke something.” Jacob’s concern was honest, but Bella was still blinded by anger at his words.

She ceased her movements and looked him dead in the eye. “You will leave now. Pack up your shit and get the hell out of my house.” Her tone was cold and eerily calm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I was worried. Come on Bells, it’s me, you know I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes, it is you. You know what I have been through and knew the exact words that would hurt me. I won’t tell you again. Get the fuck out of my house. In fact, not just my house, get out of my life.”

Jacob stared at her disbelievingly. He never imagined she would speak to him like this, and his regret was almost painful.

“Quil, Embry, get rid of him before I take a crowbar to his thick skull.”

Quil took Jacob’s arm and dragged him into the house, whispering words of caution.

Tears had sprung to her eyes, and I was not sure if it was because of pain, anger or her sadness at his words. Unable to stay away any longer, I moved to her side and took her hand and cupped it in my own. I hoped my cool skin would ease the pain somewhat.

Through Embry’s eyes I saw Jacob standing frozen in horror in the middle of the lounge. They hurriedly packed up their stuff, then dragged him out again and led him to the truck like a misbehaving child.

“I’m really sorry about that, Bella,” Quil said. “He didn’t mean it.”

She looked at him sadly. “He may not have meant it, but he said it anyway. Do me a favor and keep him away from me. Talk to Sam, he’s the only one Jacob seems to listen to these days.”

“I will.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Take care.”

“You too.” She gave Embry a one-armed hug, while Jacob stared at her through the window with a stricken expression.

She waited until they had driven out of sight before speaking again. “Well, thanks for the run, guys, it was fun. I am going to ice my hand and indulge in some ice-cream therapy. See you Monday.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Alice said, taking the words from my mouth. “You need to go to the emergency room.”

“If I go to the ER, my insurance will be billed, which means my father will find out, which means a freak out from him, and a meltdown from my mother. Trust me, it’s not worth the drama. I will ice it and wrap it, it’ll be fine.”

I gaped at her; she had to be joking.

Calm, Edward, Alice cautioned, then spoke aloud. “We can take you to see our father. He’ll be able to fix you up, and your parents will stay wonderfully oblivious.”

“That’s sweet, Alice, but I don’t think I need an Art History Teacher at the moment.”

Jasper snorted.

“He’s a real doctor too. He only does guest lectures at the college. The rest of the time he works at the hospital.” Alice was preparing to break out the pleading look, but Bella seemed oblivious to her words. She looked worried, though I had no idea what was troubling her.

Jasper gave her a curious look, analyzing her emotions. He seemed to have seen something in her reaction that I had missed. “He isn’t working today, he is at home, so he can fix you up and keep it completely off the record.”

Her face relaxed. “That would be great. Do you think he’ll mind me interrupting his day off, though?”

“No. He’ll be pleased to help,” Alice assured her. Especially if you can resist calling him Dr. Douche.

I swallowed my chuckle and led Bella to the Jeep. I opened the passenger door for her and sped to the driver’s side.

Edward! Jasper’s thoughts were panicked. Such was my haste to get there before she had a chance to struggle with the harness, I’d forgotten to control my speed. I cursed myself for my thoughtlessness.

I chanced a glance at her, but her expression was unreadable as she struggled with the harness. I had been lucky this time, but she had always been incredibly perceptive. If I was going to keep her in the dark about our true nature, I would have to take more care in future.

Did I want to, though? It was a thought I had grappled with since she had come back into our lives. If she knew the truth, we would be in the same situation as we were two years ago; an eternity together at the price of a soul, or me staying by her side as a human. She had been horrified by that thought before. Would she feel the same way now?

“Can you help me out here?” she asked, breaking into my thoughts.

I shook away my haze and leaned in closer, securing her into the harness. Alice, Emmett, and Jasper climbed into the back seat, each giving me a mental assessment of my little slip.

Emmett and Alice were pleased. To them, the sooner Bella knew the truth, the sooner things would get back to normal. Jasper was more cautious. He wanted me to have my chance with Bella, but he didn’t like the risk of having her know. He feared the Volturi’s reprisals if they discovered we had exposed the secret.

With their conflicting thoughts resounding in my mind, I started the engine and headed on to the main road.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

Our new home was only fifteen minutes from campus. Bella gave me a confused look as I pulled into the dirt drive; to her it would have looked like I was driving directly into the state park.

“Almost there.”

I watched from the corner of my eye as we drove out of the tree-lined drive, and she got her first glimpse of the house.

Her eyes widened. “Wow, it’s beautiful.”

I had grown accustomed to the sight, so it was interesting to see her reaction as she took it in. It was a seventeenth century house that had been long neglected. Esme had almost finished the renovations to restore it to its former glory.

I heard Carlisle register the heartbeat in the car as we arrived, but Esme was caught up in her sketching and didn’t notice.

I opened Bella’s door for her and unclipped the harness. She climbed awkwardly from the car, holding her injured hand to her chest.

You brought her back? Carlisle questioned. Is she okay?

“She has hurt her hand, could you take a look at it?” I spoke quietly, but Bella seemed to notice anyway. She gave me a curious look.

I tried for an innocent expression, and she shrugged. I had to be more careful, it was too easy to relax the charade around her.

I led her into the house and called to Carlisle. He had been pacing at the top of the stairs, waiting for my summon. He came down with a little too much speed to be entirely human. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one that was having difficulty with the human act.

I heard Alice going to Esme in her study and explaining that Bella was here and why. Esme was unable to control her excited squeal. She was dying to come see her, but Alice advised her to wait until we had finished with Carlisle.

“Bella has hurt her hand, would you be able to take a look at it for her? She doesn’t want to go to the ER.” I repeated the request for Bella’s ears.

“Of course, I’d be happy to help. Shall we go into the kitchen?” He was trying to make up for the disastrous (second) first impression she had of him, but was a little too enthusiastic. Bella gave him a questioning look as if assessing his mental competence.

I rolled my eyes, capturing his attention.

Too much?

I nodded, leading Bella to the kitchen. She was wide-eyed as she surveyed the room. Esme had gone a little over the top in here. It was packed with appliances that, even if we did eat, I doubted we would have used more than once.

Carlisle gestured Bella to a chair and took her hand to examine it. She flinched, whether from pain of because of his cool skin, I wasn’t sure.

“Is it very painful?” Carlisle asked.

“Not really.”

It seems some things haven’t changed. A smile quirked at the corners of his mouth. He gently manipulated her fingers trying to find the break.

“I think you have a broken knuckle.” He produced a brace from his bag, and, with exceptional care, he fit it around Bella’s hand. “You will need to wear this for a few weeks at least.”

She groaned, covering her face with her free hand.

“Are you in pain? I have some medication that I can give you.” Carlisle’s concern was clear.

Bella shook her head. “No, it doesn’t hurt that bad; I have stuff at home I can take. I was thinking about my bike. I’m not going to be able to ride for three weeks.” She scowled at the brace.

“Longer if you don’t take care,” he cautioned.

Bella cursed under her breath, and his eyes widened comically.

“You can car pool with us, it’s only three weeks,” I offered, thinking of all the added time we would have together.

“That’s okay, it’s not far to walk to campus. I can still run, right?” She fixed her attention on Carlisle. He knew from my pleading look that I wanted him to refuse her, but he was unwilling to lie to her.

“You can run as long as you are careful. If you were to fall on it–”

“I won’t fall,” she said confidently. She slid off of the stool and looked to me. Do you mind giving me a ride home?”

Mind? He’d carry you home on his back if you said the word, Carlisle teased. He was definitely spending too much time with Emmett.

“Not at all. Do you want to go now?” Or could I persuade you to stay a little longer, perhaps a few months?

“Please. I have stuff I need to do.”

I controlled my disappointed expression with effort and led her back out to the lounge. Esme was waiting impatiently to see her, and like Carlisle, she had trouble controlling her reactions.

“Bella,” she breathed happily.

“Ummm… hi.” Bella was clearly confused by the emotional greeting.

We were having almost as much difficulty controlling our emotions around her as we‘d once had controlling our bloodlust. A few more days like today, and she would figure it out.

“It’s very nice to meet you. I have heard so much about you.”

Bella nodded, the curious look she had given Carlisle was now directed at her. Esme misinterpreted it, and smiled dazzlingly back.

Realizing that Esme was one step away from hugging Bella, I led her out to the garage and opened the door to the Volvo for her. As she sighed and climbed in, I wondered if it her hand was troubling her again.

The silence was a little awkward, but I didn’t know what to say to break it. She seemed to be lost in thought, so I left her to it and clicked on the stereo instead. Her home wasn’t far from ours, and I wished the journey was longer. Though it was spent in silence, all time I had with Bella was precious. When I pulled up in front of her house, she spoke for the first time.

“Could you come in for a moment? There is something I would like to talk to you about.” My heart clenched. She knew. We had been too obvious, and now she knew.

What would her reaction be? This Bella was so different from the one I had known before. Would she react the same way? She might tell me to leave her. I couldn’t! I couldn’t bear to be away from her again!

“Edward, are you okay?”

Apparently, my shocked thoughts had caused me to be silent a little too long. I shook off my stupor. “Sorry, I would love to come in.” Just don’t break my heart. Please.

I followed her into the house and watched as she clicked on the coffee machine. It was fascinating to see her home. It was sparsely furnished, but still homey. There were signs of her personality spread about the room: books piled on the counter, photographs pinned to the refrigerator. I was jealous to see how many of them featured Jacob.

There were other more upsetting signs of change though: Post-it notes in random places, reminders to lock up before she left, and to check the answering machine.

Even more painful – for me at least – was the row of medicine bottles in the drawer. She pulled one out and dry swallowed a pill. I didn’t see the label before she put it away, and there was no way for me to see what she had taken without arousing suspicion.

This was the problem with not being able to visit her home as I had been able to before. The family may tease me for ‘stalking’, but how was I to know what was happening if I couldn’t check?

“You want coffee?” she asked.

“No thank you, caffeine makes me jittery.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Coffee made me jittery until I could purge it from my system. Feeling it slosh around in my stomach was not a pleasant experience.

She poured herself a cup and walked out onto the back porch. I followed dutifully, and when she patted the seat on the swing, I sat next to her. I would have been ecstatic to share the moment with her, had it not been for my fear she was going to ask me to leave her alone.

I would not do it. I was decided; I would stay out of sight, but I would stay close. She needed protection. If Victoria discovered that she was not in La Push, she would be here within hours.

She took a deep breath. “I need to say something, and though it’s going to sound crazy, I need you to hear me out. Okay?”

I nodded, bracing myself for her next words.

“You’re not like other people, are you? You and your whole family, there is something different about you.”

I nodded again.

“Are you going to hurt me?”

“No!” I was horror-struck. Though it had been a very real possibility when we first met, there was no chance I could hurt her now; she was my world.

“I promise you Bella, I will never hurt you. I, my whole family in fact, we’re–“

She held up a hand to silence me. “I don’t want to know.”

What the hell?

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I don’t want to know,” she repeated, looking at me as if I was a little slow-witted.

In truth, I felt a little slow in that moment. Of all the things she could have said, that was the very last thing I expected.

“As long as you’re not going to hurt me, I don’t care about the differences. I do have a few questions, of course."

I smiled. It was the exact thing she had said to me when she first discovered my secret. I couldn’t resist completing the symmetry. “Of course.”

“You don’t like to eat, do you?”

“No. How did you know?”

“Alice is not nearly as stealthy as she thinks. She wasted a perfectly good picnic. She could have just told me she wasn’t hungry.”

“Duly noted, no more wasting picnics,” I said with a wry smile. “Anything else?”

“You don’t run like me, do you? I saw the way you moved when you got out of the car, it was scary fast.”

“We can move very fast, yes.”

“So why did you agree to come today? It must have been very boring for you keeping pace with me.” She sounded a little upset as she asked.

“It wasn’t boring at all, I was just happy to be able to spend time with you.”

I feared I had said too much as she was quiet a long time.

“You came running, even though it was slow, just to spend time with me?” she asked, incredulity coloring her tone.

I nodded.

“Well that was stupid. If you wanted to spend time with me, you just had to ask.” I gaped at her disbelievingly. “You may not have noticed, Edward, but I like you a lot.”

“A lot?”

“Geez, are all men this dumb?” she muttered, then twisted to face me. “I like you this much.” Then her lips were pressed to mine in a searing kiss, and I lost my mind.

She was so warm, and soft, and familiar. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. There was nothing in the world that compared to this. I had thought kissing her was perfect before, but now that it wasn’t accompanied by burning thirst, it was indescribable.

Far too soon for my liking, she pulled away gasping. I fought the urge to pull her to me again.

“Now do you get it?” she asked.

I nodded mutely, certain that if I opened my mouth, declarations of undying love would come pouring out.

“Good. Since running is out and you don’t eat, where are you taking me?”

“Taking you?” I croaked.

“I think the next step is you asking me on a date. You seem to have a little social awkwardness, so I thought I’d make things easier for you.”

I grinned. I was starting to understand that all the differences in her that I had been obsessing over were positive. She was confident and happy, but still my Bella.

“What would you like to do?” I wasn’t sure if the same things would interest her as they had before.

“Do you like music? There are concerts in the park on Sunday afternoons. We could see who’s playing and go there.”

“I will have to check on the weather, but that sounds like a great idea.”

“It’s a covered area, so it should matter if it rains, or does this have something to do with your differences?” The way she said it made it sound like I had a rare disease.

 I chortled. “It has something to do with my differences. I can’t go–”

She pressed a finger to my lips. “Don’t want to know. You have secrets. That’s fine, so do I. I won’t ask about yours if you don’t ask about mine. Okay?”

Guilt twisted in me like a knife. She didn’t have secrets, we had ensured of that when we hacked into her records and questioned her friends. I regretted my choice now. I should have shown her the same respect she showed me.

She mistook my expression for one of annoyance.

“I’ll tell you in time, I promise. I just want to be normal a little longer. You are the only one that doesn’t treat me differently, and I like that.”

“I understand. I should go home now. My family will be wondering what happened to me.” I had to leave before I confessed all and destroyed my chance with her completely.

“Okay, I need to lay down a while anyway; my hand is hurting.”

There was more to it than that. Her uninjured hand came up to massage her temple.

“Headache?” I asked.

“A little, it’s not a bad one though.” She caught my questioning look. “Secrets, remember?”

“Secrets.”

I stood and held out a hand to help her to her feet.

“You’re very old fashioned, you know?” she said, looking at my outstretched hand.

“It has been remarked upon, yes.” By you, a hundred times before.   

“I like it. It’s refreshing to meet a man with manners. Your mother taught you well.”

The innocence of her comment made me laugh. My mother had indeed taught me well, manners were highly valued in the early 1900s.

I saw her to the door and waited awkwardly, not sure what the etiquette was here. Did I kiss her again? She made the decision for me. Stretching on tiptoes, she kissed me on the cheek.

“You check the weather, and let me know if we are on for tomorrow. Alice has my number.” 

I nodded, still a little dazed from the kiss.

“Goodbye, Edward.”

“Goodbye, Bella.” I wondered if she could hear the longing in my tone.

She clicked the door closed, and I heard her soft sigh. “Edward.”

Her tone was so happy I wanted to whoop. Instead I took one last longing look at the house and got back in the car.

The drive home passed in a blur as I replayed the moment she had kissed me, again and again. When I entered the house, I saw the rest of the family waiting anxiously for me.

I saw my face through Carlisle’s eyes and noted the goofy smile. I tried to school my expression into something a little more dignified, but gave up; I was too happy to care.

“Well, how did it go?” Alice asked.

“You mean you weren’t looking?”

“No, I was giving you privacy.”

I quirked a brow at her; I was surprised she had been able to resist.

“Esme made me,” she admitted. “She said you wouldn’t want us spying on you.”

I smiled appreciatively at Esme, and sat on the couch beside her. “It went… well.”

“If you don’t tell them soon, I am going to need to leave,” Jasper said. “The anticipation is driving me mad.”

“Okay, first things first. Bella knows.”

“You told her!” Rosalie accused.

“Of course I didn’t, she worked it out on her own. She doesn’t know exactly what we are, but she knows something is different about us.” I smiled thinking of her shocking declaration. “She doesn’t want to know, either.”

There were startled gasps at my words, as they each tried to process the same thing I had struggled with.

Emmett was the first to find his voice again. His tone was incredulous. “You’re telling me Bella Swan – The Nancy Drew of Forks – knows we are something different, but she doesn’t want details?”

“Yes. She asked if we were going to hurt her, and I told her we wouldn’t. She asked a couple of questions about our speed – no more running trips for us – and our eating habits.” I looked to Alice. “Her exact words were ‘Alice is not nearly as stealthy as she thinks. She wasted a perfectly good picnic.’”

Emmett groaned, his thoughts lamenting the missed opportunities for bonding time.

“Other than that, she doesn’t want to know. She said she didn’t care about the differences. She would allow us our secrets if we allowed her to have hers.” My tone was bitter as I finished, the guilt twisting in me again.

“Oh.” Alice’s expression became mournful. “But we didn’t.”

“I know.”

“Well, there’s nothing we can about that now. I want to know why you were grinning like a fool when you came in. What else happened?” Rosalie was impatient, and I let the silence lengthen a little before answering.

“She likes me.”

“Well, we already knew that!” Alice rolled her eyes. “She likes all of us.”

“True, but I don’t think she would kiss any of you to demonstrate her affection.”

Alice squealed so loud it hurt my ears. “Wow, now I wish I had been watching.”

“Very creepy of you, Alice,” Emmett said.

“Oh, you know what I mean. So how was it? Did she kiss you, or did you kiss her? Or was it one of those moments when it just happens?”

I thought of how Bella had turned to me, the decisive gleam in her eyes. The feel of her soft lips against mine. No sign of repulsion or fear at my cold, hard skin against her warmth.

I was going to keep that memory for myself.

xXx

I pulled up in front of Bella’s house Sunday afternoon with excitement that bordered on hysteria.

I had called her, but got her answering machine. I panicked, thinking something had happened, but Carlisle had stopped me from running to her house and asked Alice to check on her for me. She was fine, just sleeping. Whatever pill she had taken had knocked her out.

As much as I wanted to respect her privacy, it was inconvenient not being able to be around her all the time. Even if she knew the full extent of my ‘differences’, I doubted she would be as willing to allow me the same close contact I had enjoyed before.

I could hear her crashing around in the house, muttering curses under her breath. When I knocked at the door, they abruptly cut off, and I heard her take a deep breath.

She swung open the door with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Hi, Edward.”

“What’s wrong?”

“That’s not a standard response to my greeting,” she said with a quirked brow. “Want to try again?”

“I’m sorry. You looked a little upset, and I was concerned.”

“Differences,” she said, speaking more to herself that to me. “I just woke up to an unpleasant surprise on my voicemail, and it has me a little pissed is all.”

My face fell and she hurried to reassure me. “Not yours, that was a pleasant surprise. I would have called you back, but I didn’t want to get Doc… someone else.”

There was no way that nickname was going to go out of fashion anytime soon. Carlisle was forever doomed to be Dr. Douche.

“Turns out Jacob managed to get a call in to my father before I got the chance. He has this big thing about me being with Jacob, he and Jacob’s father have been plotting it since we were kids, apparently. He left me a long rant about me kicking them out, and demanded I call him back. I am going to wait until I have calmed down a bit before making that call. Which reminds me…”

She jotted a note on a Post-it and stuck it to the answer machine: ‘Call Charlie and explain why Jacob can go to hell.’

“Just a reminder,” she said brightly.

The drive to the park passed amicably enough. Alice had assured me the weather would be overcast, but warm enough for Bella to be comfortable.

The concert was a group of musicians from the college, and Bella was looking forward to seeing them play. I was surprised, but pleased, to see her musical tastes hadn’t changed that much.

I had come a little better-prepared this time. Esme had packed a bag for me with snacks for Bella and a blanket for us to sit on. We were a little early; the music wasn’t due to start for another half hour. We weren’t the only early arrivals though, dotted across the grass were other couples and families, enjoying the day.

I spread the blanket out on the ground, and she sat with her legs curled underneath her. “So are you ever going to become a proper student, or do you plan to loiter on campus for the whole year?” she asked.

I leaned back on my elbows. “Do you object to my loitering?”

“No, you’re fun to have around. I was just wondering when I would have you as a study partner.”

“Hopefully soon.” Carlisle was working out the last few details – and donations – with the college now. “Why did you choose psychology?”

“Technically, I chose psychology and cognitive science. I had an… experience that triggered my interest in the mind. Why did you choose it?”

Because it’s what you are studying. I would have majored in tap dance if that was what it took to spend time with you.

“I have always been fascinated by the human mind.” I couldn’t help but smile as I said it. I was fascinated by the human mind, mainly because I was bombarded by thoughts most of the time.

“There is some sort of private joke in that, isn’t there?” she said, eyeing me shrewdly.

“Yes. You see I–”

She held up a hand to silence me. “Don’t want to know.”

I had once wished Bella had remained oblivious of my true nature, as it seemed to complicate everything for us, but now I was close to wishing for the opposite.

“So, when you are not hanging around college campuses, what do you like to do?”

I laughed. “I like spending time with my family, I like music, and I like driving.”

“And yet you drive a Volvo.” She clapped a hand to her mouth as if shocked at her own words.

“What’s wrong with my Volvo?”

“Forget I said it. I didn’t mean it.” She looked mortified. I understood, I felt much the same when I started spouting motorcycle fatality statistics.

“Please tell me.” I leaned closer and opened my eyes wide. She used to accuse me of ‘dazzling’ when I did this. It didn’t work quite the same way now.

She shrugged. “I don’t want to offend you.”

“You won’t, just tell me.”

“It’s a dad car,” she said apologetically. “I thought you were borrowing it from your dad, but I have seen him with the hot Mercedes. So I have to wonder what the hell you were thinking when you bought it.”

I gaped at her. Surely I hadn’t heard her correctly. “A dad car?”

“See, I knew I’d offend you.”

“I’m not offended.” It wasn’t a complete lie. I wasn’t offended, but I was stuck on the ‘dad car’ thing. I drove a dad car? Why had nobody told me sooner? I made a mental note to show her the Aston Martin at the next available opportunity.

There were signs of movement on the stage as the band set up their equipment. The conversations around us became hushed as we waited for the concert to start. I sat up, eyeing the foot of space between us, wishing I had the nerve to close the gap.

She caught my gaze and shifted closer, resting her head on my shoulder. Emboldened by her move, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to my side.

“You’re a strange man, Edward Cullen. Just when I think I’ve got you figured out, you regress to a bumbling teen.” She twisted so she was looking up at me. “I like it.”

I laughed.

I had imagined our life together so many times, and this was almost the exact vision I had of us. I felt almost human sitting with her. The only difference was that in my imaginings there were no secrets between us. The guilt nagged at me. I couldn’t help but fear she would find out the truth, either because one of her friends or family let it slip, or because she regained the memories for herself.

It was like we were living in a bubble that, sooner or later, would be burst.  

Chapter Text

Edward POV

The weeks following my afternoon in the park with Bella were some of the best I could remember.

I was finally admitted to the college, so I was able to spend even more time with her. We would go to class together, and then spend our evenings either working together at her small kitchen table, or curled up on the couch in her lounge. Sometimes we watched movies, other times we would just talk.

We were occasionally joined by my siblings, as she had refused all invitations to return to our house. Despite her acceptance of our ‘differences’, she was not so accepting of Carlisle and Esme’s over-familiarity. Esme was especially hurt by this. Unlike Carlisle, who saw Bella around the campus, she didn’t have any chance of seeing her.

Bella had not mentioned Jacob since she had kicked him out. She deleted all his voicemails without listening to them, and the birthday card he had sent was summarily thrown in the trash. Charlie was campaigning for Jacob with the zeal of a presidential candidate. The week after our first date, I was waiting for her at our usual table for lunch when she came out, her cell phone was at her ear, and her frustration etched across her features.

“He’s real cut up Bells. He didn’t mean to say it, he was caught off guard is all.” Charlie’s tone was wheedling. 

“I don’t give a crap how upset he is, Dad. He shouldn’t have said it.”

“You owe him better than this.”

“He owes me better. I know you and Billy have some issue with our friendship, but that’s all it is, Dad. I have no interest in Jacob as anything other than a friend, and given how he’s acting lately, I don’t even want him as that.”

“I don’t think he feels the same way.”

“Well, that’s his problem. I have made my feelings clear from the very beginning. If he is too thick-headed to see that, it’s his problem. Besides, I have a boyfriend.” She looked up at me and beamed. “And he is great.”

“You haven’t said anything about a boyfriend before, who is he?”

I could picture Charlie’s furrowed brow as he asked. Never the most verbose of people, combined with his daughters love life, he must be in hell.

“I haven’t said anything because you have been too busy harping on about Jacob to listen. And last time I broached the subject, you acted like an ass.”

“Well, who is it?”

“His name is Edward, he’s one of the friends I told you about before.”

I heard Charlie’s indrawn breath, but Bella didn’t. “Dad? Are you there?”

“Cullen.” It was not a question, but a curse.

“Yes, Edward Cullen. Are you okay?”

“Is he there now?” he asked.

“Yes, he’s standing right beside me. What’s going on with you?”

“Put him on.”

“No, I’m not…” She saw my outstretched hand. Charlie would find a way to talk to me sooner or later, better to get it over and done with. “Hold on.”

I took the phone and, girding myself for his rage, I spoke. “Hello Chief Swan, this is Edward Cullen.”

“You little bastard. What the hell do you think you’re doing screwing up my daughter’s life again? You think it’s a big joke to mess with people like this.”

“No, of course not, we–”

“I don’t want Bella upset any more than she already is, so you are going to hand her the phone, and when you are back home with your family, you are going to call me so we can talk. I think you remember the number.”

“Yes, of course.” He had hung up as soon as he heard my agreement, but I continued anyway. “Thank you sir. I’ll take good care of her, I promise. Talk to you soon. Goodbye.”

Hiding the screen I pretended to end the call and handed back the phone to Bella. “See, relatively painless.”

“You want to know something, Mr. Cullen?” she asked. 

“I am always eager to hear anything you have to say.”

She grinned. “You are a crappy actor.”

“I’m a bad actor?” I asked with wide eyed innocence.

“Yep, I know my father well enough to know he hung up on you long before you finished your adorable little speech. You’re sweet for trying to hide it, though.” She kissed my cheek.

“And it doesn’t worry you?”

“That you are a terrible liar? No, I find it reassuring.”

The guilt twisted in me once again; I was lying to her every minute that I was with her, and she didn’t know. “No, that your father is having such a visceral reaction to our courting.”

“Courting?” She shook her head, amused at the antiquated term. “It doesn’t worry me. Charlie is biased against anyone that isn’t Jacob. He’ll have to deal.”

She shrugged carelessly, but I recognized the slight tightening around the eyes that belied her true feelings. I didn’t have a chance to question her further though, as the others arrived.

We had relaxed the charade somewhat since Bella admitted she knew about our ‘differences’. We didn’t have to eat lunch anymore, which was a pleasant change, but we did miss out on other activities. Emmett was especially disappointed that she didn’t ask us running again.

Rosalie was almost as frustrated as Emmett with the lack of opportunities to spend time together. She had been intrigued by ‘new’ Bella, but the risk of her finding out our secret – again – angered her as much as it had the first time. The fact that Bella knew we were different, but that was all she wanted to know, had thrown those issues aside. Now all that was stopping them being friends was Rosalie’s stubbornness.

xXx

I had called Charlie that evening, but he wasn’t home. I left a message and informed him I would soon be in the area, and would like to meet with him in person to discuss his concerns.

Which is why two years after I fled, leaving my heart and happiness behind, I was returning to Forks.

Carlisle had spoken to the new Alpha, and we had arranged a meeting to discuss Victoria. Much to Emmett’s chagrin, we were going alone. He and the others had school, and none of us wanted Esme anywhere near the pack. Jacob and his friends had good control when we met with them, but there was no knowing if the rest of the pack were as controlled.

We touched down at SeaTac around noon, but were forced to wait in the airport bar for a few hours until the sky was overcast enough for us to be outside. Carlisle drove us to Forks, so I was able to relax and immerse myself in thoughts of Bella to pass the time.

I hated to be away from her, but as I kept reminding myself, it was necessary. She hadn’t asked many questions when I told her I was going to be out of town. I had said it was to deal with a legal issue with my birth parents estate. I hated lying to her, especially seeing as I was lying to her about so much already.

“I’m sure Bella is fine,” Carlisle reassured me.

“Am I that obvious?” I had thought I was doing a good job of hiding my anxiety.

He smiled wryly. “Only to me; I know you too well.”

We were not due to meet with the pack until nightfall, and Carlisle had plans to visit an old colleague at the hospital, so I went for a run. I didn’t pay attention to my direction, just let my feet guide me, so it was no surprise that I soon found myself standing in the center of a very familiar meadow.

Almost as if it was greeting me, the sun slipped out from behind a cloud, making my skin shine brilliantly. I stretched on the ground, enjoying the feeling of the sun’s warmth on my skin. As they always did in moments of peace, my thoughts turned to Bella. I wondered what she would be doing now. Would she be thinking of me?

With a shock of realization that made me sit bolt upright, I realized that just feet from where I sat, Bella had encountered Laurent. I looked around, wondering where it had happened, where exactly had she fallen.

It was too easy to imagine the look of fear on her face as she faced the dark eyes of Laurent, knowing there was no chance of escaping him. Had the wolves not been there that day, I would have lost her completely. As bad as it was to know she had no memory of me – at least in her waking hours – at least she was still living.

I heard a mental voice joining my own thoughts and looked around curiously. I felt their shock when they recognized my scent. The accompanying stench told me I was about to be joined by Jacob Black.

He stomped out of the forest in his human form, his displeasure at my presence clear in his posture and expression. I was a little confused; though our parting had been tense, I thought we had reached an uneasy truce when he was in Ithaca.

“Jacob,” I greeted. “Good to see you again.”

“Bullshit.”

Well yes, but it would have been rude to say it.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded.

Confusion colored my tone. “We have arranged a meeting with your pack. Did your Alpha not tell you?”

“Yeah, but I meant what are you doing here? How did you know where it happened?”

I flinched as the memory of Bella prone on the ground flashed through his mind once again.

“This was a special place for Bella and me. We used to come here together before I left.”

He cursed. “So it was your damn fault she was out here in the first place. You really screwed her over, you know that, right?”

“I am aware, though none of it was intentional. I am working to make things right now that I have been given a second chance.”

“Second chance?” he scoffed. “Is that what you are calling it? I wonder if she would feel the same if she knew the truth. She might have been all googly-eyed about you being a murdering leech before, but I doubt she’d feel the same now. You may not have noticed, but she is very different person now than the one you abandoned.”

“I have noticed, and I wonder the same. She knows something is different about me and my family though, and she said she doesn’t want to know more.”

A choice I still questioned. It was maddening not being able to hear her thoughts. Though she didn’t want to know what we were, she had to have considered the options. The fact she was willing to be so close to us without knowing the real risks was crazy. She had been so inquisitive before, questioning everything. This new lack of concern was disconcerting.

“What do you mean she knows something is different?” His reaction was almost exactly the same as my own when she told me.

“She has noticed the differences between my family and others. She asked a couple of questions, but other than that she doesn’t want to know anymore. She is firm on that point.”

He laughed mirthlessly. “She is fucking unbelievable. How long have you been back in her life? A couple of months at the most, and she sees something different. Have her hanging with a pack of werewolves for over a year, and she is oblivious. Damn, we didn’t even try to hide it at all after a while. We stopped short of phasing in front of her, but she has heard the legends more times than most of the tribe and she still doesn’t know.”

“Are you sure she doesn’t know?” I questioned. “How can you be sure she hasn’t seen the differences in you just as she did with us, but not told you? I think she told me she was aware so she could ask her questions. She had no need of that from you, she trusts you implicitly already… Or rather she did.”

His jaw jutted out just as Bella’s did when she was angry. I wondered if it was a mannerism he had picked up from her. “She still trusts me. I fucked up, but sooner or later she’ll forgive me. I sent her a letter, as soon as she stops being stubborn she’ll call me.”

“A letter? Was it in her birthday card by any chance?”

“Yeah, why?”

“She didn’t read it. The card you sent was thrown straight in the trash, she didn’t want to read it.”

“You threw my card in the trash?” He trembled with the force of his anger.

“No, Bella did. She didn’t mention it to me, I found it the next day. I have tried to talk to her about what happened between the two of you, but she refuses to discuss it.”

“Shit.” He dragged his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots as if he were going to tear it out. “What do you mean you’ve tried to talk to her about it? Why would you be doing me any favors?”

My reasons were not entirely selfless. I had hoped if she would tell me exactly why Jacob’s words had hurt, she would open up to me about her accident. I hated lying to her, and my convoluted reasoning was that if she told me, it would be one less lie. I wasn’t about to tell Jacob that though. I had no qualms about lying to him.

“I was trying to help you out,” I said innocently. “I knew you didn’t mean what you said.”

“Well… thanks anyway,” he said grudgingly, then a smile stretched across his face. “Charlie said you are going to see him while you are here. That should be fun; he is beyond pissed at you.”

“He has good reason to be. I am hoping he will refrain from shooting me long enough to allow me to explain.”

“Good luck with that.” He was amused at the idea of my being raked over the coals by a human. “I may stop by and watch the fallout.”

The idea of him witnessing my meeting with Charlie was not a prospect I relished, but more for his sake than my own. He seemed unaware of my introduction as Bella’s boyfriend when we spoke last, and I was sure he would be hurt when he heard.

xXx

That evening, Carlisle and I waited for the wolves’ arrival in the forest near Forks High.

We had chosen the location as it was neutral ground. We knew the wolves would not leave La Push unprotected, so the further from the boundary we were, the less wolves they would bring. I was confident about our chances should it come to a fight, but it didn’t hurt to stack the odds in our favor a little.

“Can you hear them yet?” Carlisle asked.

I focused my mind and searched for Jacob’s now familiar mental voice. It was a little hard to make out given the amount of humans within my range, but I soon found him. I was surprised that his voice was not combined with those of his pack brothers. When Quil and Embry had been in their wolf forms, it had been like listening to a cross-tuned radio. Their own thoughts were clear with other muted voices, which I took to be other wolves, in the background. Occasionally, one would come louder than the others as something caught their interest.

“They are coming in their human form,” I said.

“That is a good sign. If they are comfortable enough to meet with us in their human form, perhaps we can work together after all.” Carlisle was optimistic in the extreme, but unfortunately wrong, too.

“They are not comfortable, but want to show they are not intimidated by us.”

His face fell. “Oh dear. Hopefully we will be able to assuage their fears somewhat.”

I didn’t answer; the wolves were close and I didn’t want them to overhear. In their attempts to appear confident, only five wolves had come: Jacob, Quil, Embry, and two I didn’t recognize. The way they flanked the oldest-looking man made me sure this was Sam Uley, the new Alpha.

“Thank you for meeting with us,” Carlisle greeted. “I am Carlisle Cullen, and this is my son Edward.”

“You’re here about the redhead,” the tallest man said curtly, not wasting time with introductions. “Jacob has filled us in on your last meeting. He says the redhead is a friend of yours.”

“Not a friend,” Carlisle corrected. “Merely someone we have encountered before.”

“Why is she after Bella? What has she done that has them hunting her?”

“Victoria holds Bella responsible for her mate’s death,” I explained. I told them of James’s hunt and how we were forced to destroy him.

“But why is she after Bella? If your brothers were the ones that destroyed her boyfriend, why isn’t she coming after you?” Sam asked.

“I cannot be sure, but I think it is because she knows Bella’s death would hurt me much more than losing my own life.”

Jacob looked doubtful, but Sam seemed to understand. I saw in his mind the face of a young woman. Her beauty was marred by the long scars down one side of her face, the clear marks of a wolf attack.

“You understand,” I stated, locking eyes with him. “She is your life the same way Bella is mine.”

“She is, but unlike you, I would never leave her. You and your family left Bella without a backward glance.”

I understood he had been the one to find her in the woods after we left. The memory made him even more bitter toward us than the natural animosity between our kinds.

I wanted to explain my reasoning for leaving, certain that he could not dispute it given his own experiences, but he cut me off.

“You said you wanted to help us deal with the redhead. We have been able to fool her up until now, but we don’t know how much longer it will last. Sooner or later she is going to figure it out, and we can’t all come to Ithaca to watch Bella.”

“We will of course protect Bella,” Carlisle stated. “I was hoping we could make a long-term plan, though. As you say, she will discover the truth eventually, and Bella will be vulnerable.”

Jacob growled. Though the effect was diminished as he was in his human form, it was still an inhuman sound. “You think we haven’t figured that out? We’ve been trying to destroy her ever since she arrived on the scene, but like I told you, she’s damn fast.”

“I know that. I wasn’t criticizing you,” Carlisle said mildly. “I was hoping if we joined forces, we could deal with the threat together. As you know, Alice has the ability to see the future. If we can see when Victoria is planning to strike, we can lay a trap for her.”

“That sounds–”

His words were cut off as howls rent the quiet night. In a explosion of tearing fabric and snarls, the five wolves phased. I heard the clamor of the pack mind at once, one voice louder than the others.

‘It’s the second leech. I caught her scent on Cullen land.’

‘We are coming, stay on her tail,’ Sam ordered as they shot off into the trees.

We ran with them. Limited by our inability to see where the trail was, we were forced to follow them. We were close to our own property when we caught the scent. I moaned in horror as I recognized it.

Irina.

Edward, is it her? Carlisle’s mental voice was anguished.

I nodded. For some unfathomable reason, Irina was in Forks, and if the wolves were right, she had been working with Victoria.

“We know her,” I shouted to Sam. “She has done nothing wrong, you cannot attack her; the treaty forbids it.”

Not that we were in a position to do anything about it. I cursed our choice to come alone, Jasper and Emmett would have been immensely helpful at the moment. Blinded by the wolves, Alice wouldn’t even be able to see what was happening.

‘It is a friend of the Cullens’. Follow it, but do not attack,’ Sam ordered. ‘Not yet.’

His last words were for my benefit, telling me in no uncertain terms that he was prepared to destroy her given cause.

Now I had the scent trail, I pushed myself to my full speed. Irina was at our house and, from the confusion of thoughts in the pack mind, I gathered that she had somehow evaded them. I ran out into the meadow in front of our house.

I felt the shock in Irina’s mind as she saw me. I was shocked too; she had evaded the wolves by scaling the side of the house, and was now perched on the roof. The wolves were circling the house, trying to decide whether to return to their human form and follow her, or to wait for her to come down again.

“She is a friend. She is on our land, and therefore protected,” I shouted.

They reacted to my words with snarls and thoughts that illustrated quite clearly that they didn’t care about boundaries. Their inability to catch Victoria had made them bitter, and they wanted to alleviate that bitterness with Irina’s destruction.

I scaled the house, ignoring the protesting growl of the wolves. Carlisle followed after me.

“What are you doing here, Irina?” I asked through clenched teeth.

“I wanted to see you all, but when I got here, those beasts chased me away.” She was trying for an innocent tone, but I heard the contradiction in her thoughts. I was glad the wolves couldn’t see my face clearly, as I was incensed by what I heard there.

She is lying. Carlisle stated, correctly interpreting my furious expression.

“These are the shape-shifters from the reservation.” He spoke loudly for the wolves benefit. ”As you know, we held a treaty with their ancestors; there is new pack now. I apologize for not telling you. There is a situation with a nomad that they are dealing with, and it has them understandably on edge.”

Though his tone was friendly, his eyes were boring into hers. She knew damn well there was a new pack in the area, and she knew the details of our treaty. Whatever had brought her to Forks, she was up to no good.

I jumped down from the roof, needing to deal with the wolves before we could question Irina further. Sam met me in his human form.

“I am sorry for the confusion. Irina is a friend of our family, and was looking for us. She didn’t mean to startle you.”

“She was on our land,” he said stonily.

“As are you now,” Carlisle observed, jumping down beside me. “It was a mistake and she meant no harm. You, on the other hand, were preparing to attack her on our land. I think each transgression negates the other. She will not trespass again, and you will not attack her.”

The wolves didn’t think much of his proposal, but they didn’t dispute it. Mainly because they were aware that they had come very close to destroying a vegetarian vampire, but also because they were not entirely sure about the wording of the original treaty. I made a mental note to share that little gem with Carlisle at the first available opportunity; I wasn’t above using the knowledge to my own advantage.

“Can I suggest we meet again tomorrow when we have all had time to calm down somewhat, to revisit the subject of Victoria,” Carlisle said.

Sam nodded his agreement and phased back to his wolf form. With a barked order at the pack, they ran back through the trees.

I waited for their footfalls to fade completely before calling to Irina. “You can come down now.”

She landed gracefully at my feet and brushed off her clothing. “Thanks for the help. There were a lot more of them than I was expecting.”

“Why on earth were you here if you already knew the pack was back in the area?” Carlisle asked.

I had seen the answer in her mind when we arrived. Now that I was unobserved by the wolves, I could allow myself the reaction I had been suppressing.

“She was here for Laurent,” I growled.

Carlisle’s eyes widened. “But surely you know what happened to him? I spoke to Eleazar, did he not tell you?”

“Oh I know,” she hissed. “Those beasts destroyed him. But it wasn’t Eleazar that told me, I already knew long before that.”

Carlisle looked confused, but again I was privy to her thoughts, and saw the full story as soon as she spoke.

“Victoria told her,” I explained. “She found Laurent’s remains and worked out who had done it. What are you doing here?”

I knew she was grieving for Laurent. She had developed a friendship with him, but I couldn’t understand how she had become involved in Victoria’s plans.

“I am here to avenge Laurent. Victoria said she would help me. We have been running alternate paths trying to separate the pack, but there are too many of them.”

“We have a treaty with them, Irina. We are bound to it as fully as they are. Why would you risk that?”

Carlisle’s question was valid, but I had a more pressing concern. “Why did Victoria offer to help you? She was not unusually close to Laurent; why would she risk her own life to aid you?”

“She said the wolves had hurt her too, taken someone she loved. I am sorry about your treaty Carlisle, but they destroyed my friend. He was just hunting here, he wasn’t even in their territory. It didn’t stop them, so your agreement is not going to stop me exacting my own revenge.”

She was in earnest. She had no knowledge of Victoria’s vendetta against Bella, and it was that knowledge, and that alone, that stopped me attacking her myself.

“Laurent was not innocent,” Carlisle said sternly. “When the wolves destroyed him, he was about to kill Edward’s mate.”

“The human girl? I thought you had left her.”

“I did,” I growled. Carlisle put a calming hand on my arm, but I shook it off. “I left to keep her safe, and your friend made a mockery of it. He was working with Victoria. He tried to kill her, and it was only the intervention of those beasts that stopped him being successful.”

Carlisle took up the explanation, telling how she had escaped death but had been tragically injured.

“She doesn’t remember me,” I moaned. “Over a year’s worth of memories are lost, every single moment we had spent together is gone. Can you imagine how it felt to have her look into my eyes and not see even a spark of recognition?” My hurt and anger at every lost moment spilled over as I spoke. My hands became claws at my sides, and when Carlisle stretched out a calming hand, this time I didn’t shake him off.

“I didn’t know,” she said quietly.

I could understand why she had be driven to hunt the wolves to avenge Laurent, but I also knew that if the wolves hadn’t killed him, I would have done it myself. There were certain laws that governed our kind, not just those designed to keep the secret; the murder of another vampire’s mate was unforgivable.

“Now you do,” Carlisle said. “Victoria is not trying to hurt the wolves, she is trying to hurt Bella. We destroyed her mate when he attacked Bella, and she is seeking revenge. You have a choice to make Irina. If you continue in this misguided vendetta, we will not be able to protect you. The wolves will attack, and there is every chance they will be successful. Your other option is to give it up. Laurent is dead, nothing you can do will change that. You can help us protect Edward’s mate, though.”

“What do you want me to do?” She was unwilling to agree to anything until she knew exactly what we wanted from her.

“We want to kill Victoria.” Carlisle stated it baldly, no hint of conflict in his tone. He knew as well as I did that Bella would not be truly safe until Victoria was destroyed.

“You want me to kill her?” She asked, doubt coloring her tone. “I can’t do it, she is gifted, something about self-preservation.”

So Bella was right after all. I don’t know why I was surprised, had I not seen enough proof of her intuition already?

“We would not ask you to kill her,” Carlisle said, shocked at her assumption.

“I will be the one to kill her,” I growled. “We need you to draw her into a trap.”

As they had been speaking, I had been planning, and I now knew exactly what we needed to do.

I looked to Carlisle. “We need to use Bella’s blood. If it is concentrated in one area, Victoria will not be able to resist. We draw her out and I attack.”

Carlisle the saw commitment in my eyes, and knew there was nothing to be gained by arguing with me. Irina was not so observant.

“No offense, Edward, but you might want to get some help with this.”

“I will have help,” I said with a grim smile. “I will have the wolves.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

Irina agreed to help us trap Victoria, but refused to help us once that was complete. She wanted nothing to do with the wolves. Though she understood how and why Laurent had died, she was undeniably bitter about it.

We called the family and told them all we had learned from the wolves and Irina. Like Irina, they warned me against tackling Victoria alone, and were not reassured by the wolves’ involvement.

“I won’t be able to see you!” Alice protested. “What if something happens?”

Eventually it was decided that Alice, Jasper, and Emmett would come to Forks to help us. Rosalie and Esme were going to stay behind and protect Bella in case anything went wrong.

I had expected Rosalie to protest, but she had been unusually agreeable. I felt better about having them with her. It was an impossible choice; I ached to be close to her, but my need to make her safe was greater.

We didn’t know when Irina was going to be able to draw Victoria to us. Apparently their meetings were always planned last minute, and Irina had no way of contacting her.

Carlisle went to meet the others at the airport, while I dealt with my other reason for returning to Forks: Charlie Swan.

Jacob had not been completely joking when he mentioned Charlie taking a gun to me. Though I knew from personal experience that it would hurt but little else if I was shot – Emmett had once experimented with hunting the human way – that did not make me any more inclined to experience it.

It was with a heavy heart that I approached the small white house at the edge of the forest. Charlie’s cruiser was in the drive as was – my heart clenched a little at the sight of it – Bella’s ancient truck. I knocked at the door and waited uncomfortably for him to answer.

His thoughts had always been vague and muted to my gift, but the moment he saw me standing on his porch they became crystal clear. I almost wished they hadn’t. He was apoplectic with rage; his face was puce, and I could hear his heart hammering in his chest as he gaped at me.

“Hello Chief Swan,” I greeted.

“You little bastard.”

“Can I come in? We have things to discuss,” I asked politely.

“The last time I welcomed you into my home you took the most precious thing in my world and destroyed it. What makes you think I would risk you doing it again?”

“We can talk outside if you prefer, but we have an audience.” I could hear the anticipation in the neighbors’ thoughts; they were hoping Charlie was going to hit me.

He didn’t answer, but stood aside and gestured for me to enter. The TV was on in the lounge, I could hear the pre-game commentary, but Charlie led me to the kitchen and pointed to a chair at the table.

I sat, but he remained standing, leaning against the counter with his arms folded across his chest. It was a stance I understood him to use when questioning what passed for a criminal in the sleepy town. Despite the fact I was the strongest person in the room, I quailed a little under his ferocious glare.

“First of all, I think I need to explain what happened when my family and I left,” I began.

“I already know what happened. Your father got some fancy job offer and you all disappeared to live the good life in Los Angeles. What I don’t know is why you had to break her so completely in the process.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her; I was trying to save her.” He couldn’t know the deeper meaning behind that statement, but I felt it needed to be said anyway.

“When Carlisle got the job offer, there was no time to discuss it, we had to go straight away. I wanted to stay here. I have a large inheritance from my birth parents, and I was going to find somewhere to live in town. When I told my parents what I was planning, they wouldn’t consider it.”

I felt bad about these lies, but I knew Carlisle would understand.

“I was a seventeen year old boy, they didn’t realize the depth of my feelings for Bella. I didn’t think it was fair to her to try and maintain a long-distance relationship, so I broke up with her. Jacob told me how she was after we left. I was the same. I missed her so much it was like physical pain.”

He was accepting my explanation, albeit reluctantly. It was easier for him to channel his anger at me rather than address what he saw as his own failings in the months as he watched her suffer.

As he mulled over my words, I saw a series of images pass through his mind. The clear adoration on my face whenever we were together. My over-protectiveness after she had been injured in Phoenix. My obvious tension in the last few days before I left her. Armed with my explanation, he was able to see the signs he had missed before. 

“I was trying to protect her,” I said. “Just as you were when she had her accident.”

He sank into the chair opposite me and rubbed his face wearily. “She was so messed up, Edward.”

I noted the use of my name and felt cautiously hopeful. I didn’t want him to hate me, but more than that I wanted to make things easier for Bella. She didn’t need the stress of her parents cautioning her against me with every phone call.

“She didn’t remember anything of her time in Forks. Over a year of her life, the longest time I had ever had her with me, was wiped.”

I recognized the sadness in his eyes; it was the same that had been in mine when I realized she had forgotten me.

“When we realized she didn’t remember you either, we didn’t even consider telling her. Why tell her when it would hurt her more? We had no idea you were going to come back.”

“Neither did I. We left Los Angeles and moved to Ithaca as my siblings were going to study there. We didn’t know she was there until she walked into Carlisle’s class.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, she told me about that. I imagine your father got a bit of a shock. She isn’t too keen on him, you know?”

I laughed. “That’s an understatement. Carlisle understands, though.”

“I’m glad. I won’t pretend I’m happy about what happened, but I am honest enough to admit I would have done the same if I had been in his position. I didn’t realize the strength of her feelings for you until you were gone. My poor Bella…”

His eyes took on a glazed look, and his thoughts were clouded once again.

“She’s happy now though,” I said attempting to comfort him. “I think she’s happier than she was before. She’s certainly different."

“Tell me about it,” he said with a laugh. “After her accident, she went to a rehab unit in Florida. When she got on the plane, she was a wreck. Four months later she comes home a completely different person. Sometimes I think it’s a good thing; she certainly doesn’t take crap anymore, but she is not so forgiving either.”

He gave me an assessing look, and I knew even without reading his mind what he was going to ask me.

“You’re talking about Jacob.”

He nodded. “He’s been a really good friend to her. I thought it may become something more, but…”

“But I am back,” I said, a little harsher than I intended. I was willing to help her and Jacob reconcile, but I was not going to take myself away from her so he could have his shot at courting her.

He nodded. “You came back. She may not realize it, but she needs Jacob just as much as he needs her. They are too close to allow one stupid argument to ruin it.”

“I agree, but as you said, she’s different. I don’t know how much my opinion will sway her.”

“If you can just get her to talk to him, it will help. She’s stubborn as a mule, but I’d bet my next paycheck that she is back to staring at you with that same dopey love-struck look you’re sporting.”

There was no point denying it, I was happier now that I had ever been. I had my Bella back, I had made peace with her father, and my family with me.

I took my wallet from my pocket and pulled out a copy of the picture Alice had taken of us when we were in the park. I had my arm wrapped around her, and we were looking at each other with the same slightly shocked expression of adoration. I held it out to him and he chuckled.

“Yep, there it is; Jacob didn’t stand a chance. She sure does look happy, though. Can I keep this?”

“Of course, I have copies.”

“You look happy too,” he observed. “You were always happy with my Bella, but it’s more now, isn’t it?”

“I have never been happier,” I said sincerely.

If I could just deal with Victoria, life would be perfect.

xXx

I was practically buoyant with happiness after the success of my talk with Charlie. In hindsight, I should have known it was too good to last.

When I got back to the house, I was surprised to hear familiar voices – both literal and mental – inside. Apparently, there had been some interesting developments while I was away; Tanya and Kate were in the lounge with the rest of my family.

“Irina called us,” Tanya explained, seeing my confusion.

“We overlooked an important factor in our plans,” Carlisle said. “We have Bella’s scent to lure Victoria, but we didn’t consider our own. She will suspect a trap if she catches our scents, but she has not met Kate before. If Irina can convince her she interrupted a hunting vampire and spin a story about an injured human, I think Victoria will be much easier to draw out.”

It made sense, and the more people we had on our side the better. I had no concerns about my ability to destroy her, but I had to catch her first. However her gift worked, it had enabled her to evade the wolves for months.

“It’ll work, Edward.” Alice said.

“Have you seen that?”

“No, the wolves are blocking me, but I don’t need a vision to tell me. There are seven of us, not counting the wolves, and only one of her.” I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off. “We know, you want to be the one to do it, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy watching.”

She smiled devilishly. I saw in her thoughts the discussion she and Jasper had before they left. He had wanted her to stay in Ithaca, away from the danger, but she refused. She wanted to see the threat Victoria posed, dealt with firsthand.

Carlisle suggested we hunt so we were at our strongest, so we traveled east to the park. We didn’t want to risk spreading our scent anywhere Victoria was likely to be, for fear of alerting her to our presence.

The mood was light as we ran together. It was rare for us to hunt as a group, and Emmett especially enjoyed the chance to have a little friendly competition. I fed quickly, and waited for the others to join me.

Tanya was first to arrive, her thoughts vague as she struggled to approach the subject of Bella.

“What are you going to do now, Edward?” she asked finally.

“I am going to kill Victoria.”

“I figured that part out, you twit,” she scoffed. “I meant in the wider sense. You are mated to a human; what are you going to do about that? Will you change her?”

It was a question I asked myself every day. I wanted to say no, but I was not so sure anymore. All the reasons for keeping her human were still valid, and yet I found myself imagining her as a vampire more and more. I was grateful that I was the mind reader in the family, as my vacillating decisions were frustrating enough for me.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Before we left, Alice had a vision of Bella as a vampire. I tried everything I could to change it, but nothing worked. Since we came back that vision is gone; I didn’t realize how much I was relying on it until now.”

“So you want to change her?”

“I don’t want to lose her,” I said evasively.

“That’s not what I asked. Are you prepared to change her to keep her with you? Don’t think about it, just answer,” she demanded, seeing my pensive expression.

“Yes.” As soon as I said it, I realized it was true. If Bella asked me now, I would give her immortality.

I sighed heavily, running my hands though my hair. “It would have to be her choice; I will not take her will from her, but yes, I would change her.”

“You’re shitting me!”

I had been preoccupied with Tanya’s questions, and I hadn’t noticed Emmett’s approach. He was soon followed by the others, each reacting to my announcement with varying degrees of shock.

Are you sure this is what you want? Carlisle asked.

I nodded.

Then I will do all I can to help you.

“Thank you.”

“Quit with the silent conversations,” Emmett demanded. “This is a big moment, and I want to know what’s happening.”

“Nothing is happening, not yet anyway. All I said was if Bella should ask it of me, I will change her.”

“That’s awesome, when are you going to tell her?” Emmett was practically dancing in his excitement.

“I am not going to tell her anything. She has said she doesn’t want to know our secret, so I am going to respect that.”

Alice was being unusually quiet, her expression blank as she searched the future. I watched with her as flashes of Bella’s face whipped though her mind. So many possible futures, but not the one I was hoping to see.

“It’s not there,” she said as she brought her attention back to the present. “It was so certain before, now it’s gone. Are you sure in your decision? Maybe you are unconsciously blocking it.”

I didn’t understand; I was more sure of my choice now than I had ever been. She searched the future again, looking at my path this time. She cut off with a hiss.

“What did you see?” Jasper asked, feeling her distress.

“I’m not sure. It was vague, nothing decided.” She was lying.

“Show me,” I demanded.

“I don’t think–”

“Show me, Alice.”

She opened her mind to me and I saw myself. I was in a clearing I recognized as our meadow. It was raining and I watched my future self claw at the ground. As lightning flashed across the sky, I lifted my face to the heavens and let loose an inhuman roar that was the clear product of unbearable agony.

“What’s the trigger?” My voice shook as I asked.

She searched again, but before she could focus her gift, another vision came. A wraith-like figure running through a forest, her crimson eyes wild, and her expression feral.

Victoria was on her way.

xXx

Irina said Victoria usually called before she struck, so we were waiting anxiously for the phone to ring before we could put our plans into action. We needed the scent of Bella’s blood to be as fresh as possible for the ruse to work.

The wolves were pacing outside. I gathered from their thoughts that it was easier for them to manage the stress when they were in their wolf form.

Alice had tried to raise the subject of her vision, but I cut her off, stating that I wanted to concentrate on Victoria for now. It was a lie of course, all I could think about was that image of my agonized face. I was unconcerned about my own pain, it was Bella that worried me. I knew the only thing that could cause me that kind of pain was something happening to her.

I called her as soon as I was able to get a signal on my cell phone, but she didn’t answer. Since she had the brace removed, she had taken to riding in the afternoons. I knew she wouldn’t be able to hear her phone if she was on her bike, so I left a message asking her to call me as soon as possible. Despite my best efforts, I wasn’t able to hide the desperation in my voice completely.

The ringing of a phone brought my attention back to the room, and I felt a wave of hope as I pulled my phone from my pocket. It was a futile hope though, as it was not my phone that was ringing; it was Irina’s.

I held my breath as she answered.

“Are you coming?” she asked without preamble.

“I am.” Victoria’s voice was childish and dripping with affected innocence. “Are you in the area?”

“Yes. I am using the Cullens’ house as a base. The beasts almost caught me last night. Where were you?”

Victoria laughed a high tinkling laugh in response. My hands curled into claws at the sound. “I was detained, but I will be there tonight, and I have a new plan.”

“Care to share?”

“You’ll see soon enough; this time we will succeed.” With that said, Victoria cut the call.

There was a beat of silence, then we all jumped into action. Carlisle handed Kate the bag containing Bella’s blood, and Irina waited impatiently at the door. She still refused to help us outside of setting the plan in motion. Once Victoria was there, she was going back to Denali, despite Kate and Tanya’s vows to stay and help. To an observer, it would have seemed overkill to have so many of us working to destroy one vampire, but we weren’t taking any chances.

We gave Kate time to lay the blood and spread her own scent before we set out. We had laid the trap at the old baseball clearing, as it was a large but easily contained area. Sam cautioned the pack to be calm as we approached; there were some new members that hadn’t seen action before, and they were anxious to prove themselves. Jacob’s thoughts were calm and focused. He wanted to see Victoria annihilated with almost the same ferocity as I did.

I heard Irina’s panicked thoughts as they arrived.

I can’t get away. You have to help me. I didn’t know. She never told me about them.

The them she referred to were two other vampires. They couldn’t be more than a year old at the most, newborns. Victoria had created them to unleash on La Push. I had underestimated her again.

“She has brought others with her,” I whispered to my family. “Newborns. Irina cannot get away without drawing attention.”

Tanya hissed, twitching as she fought the urge to run to her sister’s aid.

“Not yet,” Carlisle cautioned her. “Let them get close, and together we can help her. Edward, can you manage Victoria?”

I nodded curtly. “The rest of you take care of the newborns. Jacob will help me with Victoria.”

Help? You’ll be lucky if there is anything for you to do. I owe her.

My ready reply was cut off as Victoria’s mind joined the chaos of voices assailing me.

So close, so close now.

Her thoughts were jubilant as she caught the scent of Bella’s blood. She didn’t suspect a thing; she was too concerned with getting to Bella before her newborns did.

She ran into view, her wild eyes searching the clearing for the object of the vendetta. I had seen her in Alice’s vision, but it did not prepare me for the surge of hatred I felt at the sight of her. With a roar of rage, I ran at her.

There was a split second of hesitation as she saw me, then she spun on her heel and sprinted back toward the trees. The threat of the wolves and my family combined was too much for her; her gift for self preservation overpowered her desire for revenge. It was easy to see why James had chosen her for a companion, and to him that’s all she was, a tool for his games. He had been drawn to his prey, a physical pull that he could deny if he chose to, and she was drawn away from danger.

The sheer number of possible threats now hindered her gift. She could not get a clear path to follow, so I was able to catch up to her with ease.

“Not going to fight?” I taunted. “I thought you wanted to avenge James.”

She hissed wordlessly, and pushed herself faster.

I could hear Jacob in pursuit of us both, his thoughts clear even through the clamor of the pack mind.

I’m coming, Edward. Stop her!

“James didn’t fight either; it was almost too easy to end him. He couldn’t have cared that much for you after all.”

My words had the desired effect; her rage overpowered her, and she halted in her tracks and turned to face me.

She lips pulled back over her teeth in a harsh snarl. “Lies. James loved me.”

I walked towards her at a leisurely pace. Jacob was almost with us, and I could allow a little time for my own satisfaction.

“Are you sure about that? He didn’t seem concerned with your safety when he left you here to track my Bella.”

“Her fault,” she hissed.

Her mind flashed images of Bella, each more horrific that the last. Every torture she had planned to inflict was replayed in loving detail.

The fury pulsed through me, clouding my vision with a red haze as I launched myself at her.

Her screams were music to me, as I ripped and tore at her. I was barely aware of Jacob at my side, all my focus was concentrated on her.

“Edward, I think you’re done now.” Jacob’s voice jolted me, and the haze cleared. He was standing beside me in his human form again.

The only identifiable piece of Victoria left was a mass of hair; I had shredded her until she resembled nothing more than fine shards of granite.

“Remind me never to piss you off.” His tone was light, but I saw myself in his mind as I had attacked Victoria; it had shocked him.

I pulled a lighter from my pocket and dropped it on the pile of remains. With a whoosh, the fire caught. It burned with intense heat, the flames dancing up into the air.

I stepped away from the fire, my self-preservation instincts overriding my need to see every fragment of her burn. It didn’t take long for the fire to consume her completely. Soon, all that was left was a pile of glowing embers.

“You should get back to your pack,” I said tonelessly.

“Yeah, they’re pretty pissed at the lack of action.”

I followed the pack mind and saw that they too had finished their fight. I didn’t know who had dealt the killing blow to the newborns, but I knew it wasn’t a wolf. They were all complaining about broken promises.

I laughed. “Tell your brothers that if they are looking for a challenge, I’m sure Emmett would oblige.”

“I’ll do that. Are you coming back?”

“Not yet. I want to watch a little longer.”

“Yeah... that’s kinda creepy,” he said, shooting me a cautious look before turning and jogging back toward the clearing.

I watched as the embers cooled, but still I could not draw my eyes away. It felt strangely anticlimactic; she had been a menace for so long that it didn’t seem real that it was finally over.

I heard footsteps approach, and knew who it would be even before I caught the scent.

Are you okay, son?

“I don’t know,” I said honestly.

“Were you hurt?” Carlisle’s tone was anxious as he searched me for a sign of injury.

I finally drew my eyes away from the ashes to look at him. “No, but it doesn’t feel real.”

“That is understandable. I think it will take all of us some time to process this.”

“Is everyone else okay?”

“We are all fine. Tanya, Kate, and Irina have already left. They were uncomfortable with the wolves’ presence. They requested that we visit them soon. Tanya is eager to meet Bella.”

Her name acted like a stimulant; my thoughts, which had been fragmented since the fight, suddenly became clear again.

Carlisle saw my reaction and smiled. “She is fine. Once the wolves left, Alice was able to get a clear view of her, and she is well.”

I sighed in relief.

“What do you want to do with that?” Carlisle asked, looking at the mound of ashes.

“She can stay there.” I kicked at the pile, spreading Victoria’s remains across the leaf-strewn floor. “I’m going home.”

Chapter Text

Bella POV

I missed Edward. He had only been gone two days, but already I was aching for him.

It seemed ridiculous that I was so attached already; I was sure if he was any other college student, he would have been freaked out by my clinginess. Even after spending all day together, it felt like a physical loss every time he left my house each evening.

I’d had idealized views on romance before I met him. I had thought love should sweep you off your feet and consume your every thought. It wasn’t like that at first with him, but when I found myself defending him to his brother, I felt the first stirrings of attraction. That night the forest dream came back, and when I woke with Quil beside me, I felt an irrational pang of sadness that it was not Edward who was there to comfort me.

When I slept again, I dreamt of him. We were together in a garden; he was lying surrounded by flowers as I sat beside him. His closed eyes and serene expression made him look innocent and vulnerable, and I wanted nothing more than to protect him.

I was fairly sure he was anything but physically vulnerable, but he definitely was emotionally. There was sometimes sadness in his eyes that made him look like he had suffered far too much for his comparatively short years. Something, or someone, had hurt him; perhaps the loss of his parents, he said it had happened a long time ago. Whatever it was weighed heavily on him still.

Ordinarily, I would have been resentful of Alice’s less than subtle manipulation to get Edward and me closer, but when he wrapped his arm around me – always so cautious – something shifted. I could not explain it even to myself, but there was something comforting and familiar about his touch. It felt like coming home. Now he was gone, and I was a pathetic mess.

Wherever it was he was going, I was sure it wasn’t to deal with his parents’ estate. His tension and the significant looks he exchanged with Alice screamed ‘different’. And as I had told him I didn’t want to know what these differences were, I couldn’t ask what was really happening.

When I got to college in the morning, I was surprised that Rosalie arrived alone. Edward hadn’t mentioned the others going away too. On the contrary, he had made a point of telling me Alice would be around to keep an eye out for me. I was pretty sure there was a double meaning in that, but true to my non-disclosure policy, I didn’t ask.

“Alice, Jasper and Emmett have gone out of town for a couple of days,” she explained, seeing my confusion.

“Is everything okay?”

The tightening around her eyes contradicted her easy reply. “Yeah, they only have a few classes today, so they went  to visit a family friend for the weekend.”

I didn’t press the issue; for whatever reason, she didn’t want to tell me true reason they were gone, and I respected that.

“I have to get to class,” she said awkwardly. “Will I see you at lunch?”

I hadn’t expected that. Rosalie was almost as quiet as Jasper when we were together as a group, always absorbed in a book or magazine. I had nothing to lose by meeting with her, and possibly something to gain. Edward was much more relaxed the first time we had lunch alone, maybe Rosalie would be the same.

I tried to hide my surprise as I answered. “Sure, I’ll see you there.”

We separated, each heading to a different class, and I felt cautiously hopeful that this would be the first step in getting to know her a little better.

I had a study period before our usual meeting time for lunch. Ordinarily, Edward and I used it to go over our notes from the morning’s classes, but today I spent it trying to think of conversational topics for my time with Rosalie. For some unknown reason, it felt important that it go well.

The sun was out, so I went to the quad early, eager to soak up the good weather while I could. I lost track of time and it wasn’t until I heard the sounds of others coming outside that I noticed how late it was. It was a good half hour after our usual meeting time, and Rosalie hadn’t arrived. I felt a little resentful that she hadn’t told me she was going to cancel; she had been the one to ask me, after all.

I didn’t know her timetable, so I couldn’t check to see if her class had overrun, so I checked the parking lot instead. Her M3 had been parked in the Volvo’s usual spot beside my bike, but now there was an empty space.

“Well shit,” I muttered to myself, my annoyance growing. She could have least left me a message to say she wasn’t coming.

I had wasted so much time looking for her that I didn’t have time to eat the lunch I had brought. I stalked inside, hungry and irritable, the beginnings of a headache forming at my temples. I considered cutting the day short and going home then, but my sensible side took over. I had worked hard to get here, and I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity by skipping out on classes. 

When I got home that afternoon, my answer machine was blinking with a new message. I played it, expecting it to be from my mother, and looking forward to hearing her comforting voice. It was not Renee’s familiar tones that spoke though, it was Rosalie.

“Bella, I’m sorry I missed you at lunch, something came up at home and I had to leave in a hurry. I didn’t have your cell phone number so I couldn’t reach you. I was looking forward to talking with you, so I was hoping I could come to your house later. Give me a call and let me know.” She rattled off the Cullens’ phone number and hung up.

My first instinct was to delete the message and forget about it, but she did seem apologetic. It could have been a real emergency that had called her home, something could have happened to Edward. Panic seized me, and with shaking hands I picked up the handset and dialed.

“Cullen residence,” a melodious voice answered.

“Rosalie?”

“Oh Bella, I’m glad you called. I’m really sorry about lunch. Did you get my message?”

“Yes, what happened? Is Edward okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah he’s fine, it was my mother. We had a problem with the power, and she overreacted. I got a panicked call. Everything is fine now.”

I sighed in relief. I could relate to the overreacting mother situation. Renee had always been a tad dramatic, but she was much worse since the accident. I was a little embarrassed by my own overreaction.

“Are you still there?” I heard a whispered voice in the background and wondered who was talking.

“I’m here. So, do you want to come over tonight? We could get a pizza – you don’t have to eat it – and watch a movie.”

“I’d like that. What time should I come?”

“I have a few things I need to do, so how about around seven?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

We exchanged goodbyes and I hung up. I was relieved Edward was okay, and looking forward to seeing Rosalie, but something still felt wrong. There was no rational reason behind it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling.

I still had a couple of hours before she was due to arrive,  so I made coffee and settled down at the kitchen table to go over my notes for class, and make a start on my assigned reading.

It wasn’t as fun working without Edward; I had become used to his company, and  found my thoughts returning to him and whatever he was doing, rather than the notes I was supposed to be studying. After an hour, I gave it up as a bad job and packed my books away. It was a Friday, so I had the weekend to make up for my failed session, and hopefully Edward would be back by then.

Still antsy with nervous energy, I changed into my sweats and went for a run. I shunned my usual circuitous route between my house and campus and headed into the park. I wanted something to challenge me, and navigating the rough trail would take all my concentration. It was exactly what I needed to take my mind from my irrational fears for Edward.

I immersed myself in the run. The rhythmic pounding of my feet against the leafy floor was comforting in its familiarity. I had been dependant on others for so long after the accident, at times it felt like running was the only thing I could do for myself. Though I often had company, I could decide my path and speed. In those early days it was all I had to cling to.

I was almost at the ridge when my footsteps faltered. I felt a wave of dizziness sweep over me, making my eyes blur. I rested my hands against my knees and took deep breaths, hoping it would pass. It didn’t.

With startling speed, I saw the ground coming to meet me.

xXx

Rosalie POV

I smiled as I hung up the phone. I was going to get my time with Bella, and best of all, Edward wasn’t here to hear me thinking about it.

I knew I was leaving myself open to his questioning – not to mention Emmett’s glee – when I arranged to meet with her, but for once I didn’t care. New Bella was interesting, and I wanted my chance to get to know her too.

She was no longer the naïve teenager that was dazzled by the idea of immortality; she was a woman who knew her own mind. Her choice to remain innocent of our true nature was evidence of that maturity. All my reasons for hating her before were redundant; she was no longer a threat to us, and by her own choices rather than ours, she was going to remain that way.

I had been forced to leave campus when the sun came out late morning. I barely made it to my car sans sparkle as it slid behind a cloud. I was a little annoyed that Alice hadn’t thought to check ahead before she left. I could have been trapped inside all day, or worse, I could have exposed us all.

Esme had stood by my side as I called Bella, and as I finished the call she gave me a pleading look.

I crossed my arms over my chest, fixing her with a stern look. “No, Esme.”

“I didn’t even ask,” she said, affecting a look of innocence.

“You didn’t need to, your expression said it all. You can’t come with me. College students don’t take their mothers when they are visiting friends. We have a charade to keep up, after all.”

She frowned. “I don’t want to come with you, I was just going to offer to drive you.”

I felt sorry for her, but not sorry enough to allow her to play soccer mom. She and Carlisle were at a disadvantage; having to keep the role of parents, they didn’t get to see Bella as much as the rest of us did. Esme had it the worst of all, as she couldn’t see Bella on campus as Carlisle could. She was limited to living vicariously through the others, questioning us about everything we had discussed while we were with her, and what we had done. Though we would never say it to her, Esme was now in competition with Edward for the role of family stalker.

“Bella knows I have a car and would find it strange if you drove me. I’m sure she’ll come by the house sooner or later.”

She looked mutinous. “But she already knows there is something different about us. What harm could it do?”

“She knows we are different, but she doesn’t know details, and I’m pretty sure Edward wants to keep it that way. We have to behave as human as possible if we aren’t going to blow our cover completely.”

It was a little underhanded of me to play the Edward card, but it worked. Sighing heavily, she went back to her sketching.

It wasn’t only that I wanted to keep Bella from discovering our true nature, though I was certain of that, but I also wanted my time with her. If any vestiges of ‘Old Bella’ remained, she would invite Esme in, and before I knew it they  would be chatting happily and I would be ignored in a corner. Again.

I called goodbye to a grumbling Esme and headed out to the car.

I knew her mood was compounded by the lack of news from Carlisle and the others. Alice had sent a text that said all was okay, but that didn’t tell us much. Had they dealt with Victoria yet? Had Irina held up her end of the deal?

I was going to be having serious words with Emmett when he got home. He was probably too caught up in the excitement of the coming fight to think of calling me. I would make sure he didn’t forget again.

When I arrived at Bella’s house, I was surprised to find it in darkness. Her bike was in the drive, but there was no sign of life in the house. I wondered if she had forgotten our plans. It wasn’t inconceivable, we had all seen her making surreptitious notes on her phone or sticky pad when there was something she needed to do. Maybe she forgot today.

Her scent was all around her house, branching off in different directions. The freshest was heading toward the wooded park behind her house, so  I followed it.

Once I gained the cover of the trees, I was able to move a little faster. Her scent was fresh along the rough trail, and I realized she had gone running. I couldn’t allow her to see me; it would be hard to explain how I knew where she was without giving too much away. This was Bella though, she may have improved poise, but I was willing to bet she was as much of a danger-magnet as ever.

I was approaching a ridge looking out over the town when her heartbeat joined the sounds of the forest. I hurried towards the sound and saw her lying unconscious on the ground. I cursed under my breath as I ran to her side.

She was breathing and her heartbeat was strong, but she didn’t stir when I called her name. I swept her into my arms and ran back along the path. If I could get close enough to the main road without being spotted, I could call Esme for help and we could drive her to the hospital. I would draw too much attention carrying her to my car alone; there was no way I would have been able to carry her if I was human.

I had not had such close contact with a human in decades, not since I had dealt out my revenge to Royce and his friends. Her warm weight in my arms was oddly pleasant.

We were almost back at the road when she began to stir. Her eyes opened slowly, and she slammed them shut again.

She groaned. “Edward.”

“No, it’s Rosalie.”

She blinked rapidly and looked up at me, her eyes now focused.

“Can you put me down please, I think I’m going to be sick.”

She did look a little green. I eased her to her feet and kept an arm clamped around her waist, ready to steady her if she showed signs of falling. She took a few deep breaths and her color returned to its usual pallor.

“What happened?” I asked. My tone was a little sharper than I intended, but I was thinking of all the possible reasons for her to lose consciousness, and they were disconcerting.

“Pretty sure I fainted,” she said. For someone that had been unconscious on the ground a few minutes ago, she sounded remarkably composed. “I missed lunch and then went running. I’ll be fine once I have eaten.”

Oh crap. I had made her miss lunch. Edward was going to be insufferable about this. He had always been overprotective, but since she returned to our lives, brain damaged, he was even worse.

“I think you should go to the ER and get checked out. It could be something serious.”

“I’m fine, I just need to eat. You can let go now.” She looked pointedly at the arm that was still clamped around her waist.

I really thought she should see a doctor, but didn’t know how to push the subject without revealing the fact that we knew about her previous injury. Deciding my medical knowledge would suffice, I released the arm from her waist and began walking toward her house. I kept the pace intentionally slow to allow her time to regain her equilibrium.

When we got back onto her street, she saw my car parked outside her house. “How did you find me?” she asked.

“When I got here, you weren’t home. I was concerned, so I came looking for you.”

“How did you know where I was, though?” she asked.

I frowned. I wasn’t sure exactly how much she knew about our enhanced abilities, and didn’t want to reveal too much by saying that I followed her scent.

She caught my troubled expression and shook her head decisively. “Forget I asked.”

Fine by me. “If you insist.” My tone was light, but it didn’t entirely hide my relief.

“So, before the unfortunate fainting business, did you enjoy your run?” I asked, breaking the awkward moment.

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, it was great, I like the park trail. It’s not as good as Finger Lakes, but nothing is.”

Not for the first time I found myself considering this new Bella compared to the stumbling insecure girl she had been before. She was so different now. I wondered if the new stronger self was always there, but concealed by her insecurities. Admittedly, I hadn’t paid much attention to her before, other than to consider the threat she posed to our family.

She unlocked her front door and gestured me in ahead of her. I was going to suggest something to eat to boost her blood sugar, but she was already taking a soda from the fridge and gulping it down.

“Do you mind entertaining yourself while I take a quick shower?” she asked. “Feel free to have a look around. There are some DVDs on the shelves if you want to pick something out.”

I drifted over to the bookshelves, watching from my peripheral vision as she took the phone from the hall and headed up the stairs.

She had a varied book collection, not just the classics she had been so fond of when she was in Forks. I scanned the titles, looking for familiar names that I could use to keep conversation going, when I spotted a brightly- colored notebook.

I paused, my hand hovering over it, curious but not wanting to invade her privacy. My curiosity won, and I pulled the book down and flipped through the pages. It looked like a scrapbook, each page headed with a number and random title. One page was headed ‘Climb Everest,’ and below that were pasted pictures of the mountain.

My attention was drawn from the book and back to Bella as I heard rapid dialing of the phone. I thought she would be calling her mother or Charlie, and was surprised when I heard the greeting for a doctor’s messaging service.

“Hey Dr. Ribot. It’s Bella Swan. Just calling with an update. I had a fainting episode today. I’m pretty sure it’s just because I missed a meal and then exercised, but I figured you’d want to know anyway. No other developments. Talk to you soon. Bye.”

I considered what I had heard. She was apparently still under the care of a doctor from the rehab unit, and was keeping them updated. Did this mean there were consequences from her injury we didn’t know about, or was her doctor just being cautious?

Edward was going to be frantic, especially as he couldn’t even question her about it. There was no way to hide this from him either, he was going to be searching my thoughts to see what happened as soon as he heard Bella had fainted. If I could persuade her to tell him about the amnesia, it would make things so much simpler. Though, how I could do that without leaving us open to her questions, I didn’t know.

I was still trying to work out a solution when she came back downstairs, toweling her hair dry. I was surprised by how relaxed she was. Nobody but Emmett ever saw me at anything but my most polished, even when I was hunting. 

“I’m going to order pizza for dinner. I know you don’t eat, but is there anything I can get you? You thirsty?”

The innocence of her question made me smile. “No thanks, I’m not thirsty.”

She called in her order, then sat beside me on the couch and combed through her wet hair. I was struggling to find something to talk about, but she seemed perfectly at ease with the silence. I realized the irony of the situation. I – the vampire – was nervous, while the weak human was perfectly at ease.

She definitely had the better deal. From her point of view we were trying to create a friendship after a month’s acquaintance in which, to her, I had just been unusually quiet. Whereas I was trying to create a friendship after three years of resentment. First because of her presence in my (up until then) perfect family, then because she took Edward from us for a year, and he returned a changed man. Now that she was back, I was grateful. She had brought the real Edward back, and made him happier than ever before. 

I realized I had been watching her a little too intently. She caught my eye and looked a little confused. “Everything okay?”

I was saved from answering by the arrival of her dinner. She chatted with the delivery boy for a moment, just friendly banter, but I heard his heart rate increase as she laughed at a particularly bad joke. He had a little crush.

Edward always said Bella was oblivious to her ability to charm the males of Forks High; apparently that was something else she had carried over to her new personality.

The slightly dazzled delivery boy left, and she came back clutching a box of revolting smelling pizza. She seemed immune to the scent, and began eating with relish. After a few minutes of happy munching – for her – and trying to control the urge to gag – for me – she looked up and frowned.

“I know you don’t eat, but is it really so repulsive to watch me?” There was definitely irritation in her tone.

“Sorry, no. It’s not watching you that is the problem, it’s the smell. That red stuff is very potent.”

“Pepperoni,” she said happily. “It smells pretty gross for everyone, but it tastes good.”

She put her plate down and got up to open a window. “You could have just told me. You didn’t have to make yourself uncomfortable. It’s not like you were that good at hiding it, anyway.”

I was hiding it just fine, she only noticed because of her eerie perception skills. Pity that wasn’t left behind with her clumsiness.

She picked up her slice again and nibbled at it unenthusiastically, eventually putting it back into the box and carrying it through to the kitchen.

“Does all food smell bad to you?” she asked curiously.

“Yes. Some more than others, but it is all varying degrees of horrible. Why do you ask?”

“Because I have apparently been torturing Edward with my meals for a few weeks now, and I wondered how bad it was. Now I know I can do something about it.”

“You shouldn’t change your diet just to make things easier for him,” I said a little more forcefully than I had intended. Edward could suffer, she shouldn’t let his comfort dictate her human needs.

“I don’t plan to,” she said with a laugh. “I’ll kick him out for mealtimes. I just wish the idiot had told me himself. It’s not like I don’t already know you are ‘different’, why does he feel the need to suffer?”

The easy way she mentioned our differences made me curious. She seemed to accept them just as easily as she had when she knew all the facts. How could she accept it so readily?

She caught my eye. “Whatever you want to know, just ask.”

“You know we are different, but you don’t want to know more,” I said. “Why?”

“Why what? Why do I know you’re different? ‘Cause that’s easy, you are all crappy actors. Why don’t I want to know more? That’s a little more complicated. Would you rather I asked lots of questions?”

“Definitely not,” I said firmly. I was a little worried she would start questioning me. “I am just trying to understand.”

She sank back in the chair, hugging a brightly-decorated cushion to her chest. After a moment’s contemplation she spoke. “I was curious at first. I had wondered about you for a while, but I know how it feels to be seen as different, and didn’t think your family would enjoy the sensation any more than I did.”

I wondered how much scrutiny she had been forced to suffer by the people of Forks. Never the most open-minded of people, add to that the scarcity of good gossip, she must have kept their conversations going for months.

“When I fell for Edward.” A small smile played across her lips as she said his name. “It ceased to matter what you were; it was too late for me to turn away. I asked my questions, telling myself if he said it was not safe for me, I would leave him, but I don’t believe I really could. He promised me he wouldn’t hurt me, and so I don’t want to know more. I have my own secrets, and I want to be allowed to keep them. It only seems fair that you should get to keep yours, too.”

“So the only reason you don’t want to know our secret is because you want to be able to keep your own?” I asked.

I knew Edward felt horribly guilty about this. We hadn’t even questioned the decision to pry into her life. As usual, we wanted to know something and we had gone searching through private records to discover it.

She frowned. “That’s not the only reason. This probably sounds crazy, but I think I am safer not knowing. There must be a reason you are hiding the differences – or attempting to, anyway.”

“That’s not crazy at all. You’re right, it really is safer if you don’t know.”

She nodded. “That’s what I thought. Just because Edward said he won’t hurt me, it doesn’t mean others won’t.”

I stared at her with open admiration. She knew the risks. If ever I had doubted her conviction in the choice to remain unaware of our nature, this had proven me wrong.

She blushed a little under my intent gaze.“Are we done with the heavy topics?” she asked. “Do you want to watch a movie now, or just talk?”

I laughed. “No more heavy topics. We can watch a movie if you like, but there was something else I wanted to ask. When you were in the shower, I had a look round, and I found something.”

She looked a little nervous, and I was sure she was thinking about all the things she would have in her home that would reveal the nature of her disability. I hurried to reassure her.

“Well it’s this,” I said holding out the bulging scrapbook. “I wasn’t prying, but it was on the shelf and I was curious.”

She visibly relaxed. “It’s my bucket list.”

“Bucket list?”

“A list of things to do before you die?” she said, taking the book from me.

“Isn’t that a little morbid?” I asked. I thought humans did all they could to ignore the reality of their limited lifespan.

“I don’t think so. No one lives forever, and there are a lot of things I want to do with my life. If I don’t have a plan, I’ll never get them done.”

She flipped through the pages. “Here, I want to run a marathon. That’s a simple one, totally achievable. Whereas climbing Mount Everest is more of a fantasy. Doesn’t mean I can’t try, though.”

“No one lives forever,” I mumbled, thoughtfully.

I had an eternity to live, but what was I doing with it? I went to high school and college, then we moved towns and started the process all over again. All the opportunities I had to do more were hindered by the belief that I had forever in which to do them.

Excitement rushed through me. “Can you help me make one?”

“Absolutely,” she said happily. “Hang on.” She searched the bookshelves and pulled out a notebook covered in silver sequins. It was a little gaudy; Alice would love it.  

“I found it in a kitsch store over the weekend,” she explained, seeing my amused look. “I saw the sequined cover and had to buy it. When the sun catches it just right, it sparkles.”

It sparkles. That explained the attraction; she had found the hardcover equivalent of our skin.

She leaned forward, smiling brightly.

“Well Rosalie, what do you want to do with your time on earth?”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

We got back into Ithaca just after midnight Saturday morning. I wanted to rush straight to Bella’s side, but true to the new ‘no stalking’ policy, I went home with the others first.

When we pulled into the driveway, I noticed the silence in the house; there were no discernible sounds or thoughts to show that Rosalie and Esme were home. Carlisle had called Esme before we caught our flight from Seattle, and she hadn’t mentioned plans to go anywhere. I was immediately on alert, my thoughts turning to Bella.

I jumped from the car before Carlisle had pulled up, and bounded for the house. “Esme? Rose?”

There was no response, and I pulled my phone from my pocket. Carlisle was one step ahead of me and was already dialing Esme’s cell phone.

She answered on the first ring. “Are you home?”

“We are back at the house, is everything okay? We thought you would be here.”

“Everything is fine. Is Edward with you?”

That question alone made me certain that things weren’t remotely fine.

“I’m here.” I was surprised at how calm my voice was. I was a storm of emotion, but some base instinct knew that if I sounded upset, it would take that much longer to make Esme explain.

“We are at Bella’s; she is okay, but she was a little unwell earlier…”

I missed the rest of her words as I was back in the car and gunning the engine. “Are you coming?” I barked.

In a flurry of movement, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett got in the car. I didn’t wait for them to close the doors before spinning the car in the drive, and heading back out onto the road.

“Calm, Edward. Esme said she is okay,” Carlisle said.

“Look,” Alice demanded.

I watched, barely conscious of the road in front of me as she showed me an image of Bella curled up in bed, fast asleep. She looked fine, and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

I slowed as I pulled into Bella’s street, not wanting to risk waking her, and pulled over in front of her house. Esme was waiting for us just out of view of the main road, but Rosalie was nowhere to be seen. I heard the steady thud of Bella’s heartbeat inside, and allowed the sound to sooth my anxiety.

We went to Esme, and Carlisle wrapped an arm around her. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded, leaning into his embrace.

Rosalie came out of the back door and quietly clicked it closed behind her. My immediate question of what she was doing in Bella’s house died on my lips as I noticed what she was wearing: flannel pajamas decorated with cartoon penguins.

“If you say one word, Alice, I swear I will make you pay!” she growled.

Alice was fighting a smile; Rosalie really did look ludicrous. I expected Emmett to be amused at the sight too, but he was reflecting on how ‘cute’ she looked.

“What happened to Bella?” I asked.

“She invited me over to watch a DVD this evening; when I got here she wasn’t home. I got worried and followed her scent into the park. I found her unconscious; she had gone running and fainted. She said she forgot lunch, and she was fine once we got back…”

“But?”

“She called her doctor in Florida when we got home. She said she was just following procedure, but it seemed like she was trying to convince herself. I couldn’t ask her about it as she made the call upstairs and apparently doesn’t know about the super hearing part of our ‘differences’.” She scowled at me. “She apparently doesn’t know about the ‘no sleeping’ thing either. She asked if I wanted to stay over; I figured you’d be worried about the fainting, so I agreed.”

“But how did you end up dressed like…that?” Alice was feeling a little put out that Bella had invited Rosalie to stay over when she hadn’t had the opportunity yet.

“Bella lent them to me; she also made up a bed for me in the lounge.” She turned to me. “Do you know how foul air mattresses smell?”

Though she was scowling at me, her thoughts showed her begrudging happiness. She had enjoyed their evening, and was pleased at the invitation.

Bella had come back to check on her before she fell asleep. In her haste to dive for the mattress and pretend to be asleep, Rosalie had forgotten the blankets. In a tender gesture that would have made Esme squeal with happiness had she seen it, Bella had crept in and covered her with the blanket again.

“We can try the FINR records again, I never really had a proper go at it,” Alice suggested, oblivious to my enjoyment of Rosalie’s memories. “If she has contacted them, she must still be listed as a patient.”

I was torn. I desperately wanted to know more, but at the same time felt we had violated her privacy enough already. She didn’t want to tell me about her injury, and I should respect that. Rosalie was thinking the same.

“No. I am sure you are all dying to know more, but I had a talk with Bella tonight, and it made me realize a few things. I asked her why she didn’t want to know about us, and she said it was only fair that we got to keep our secrets as she wanted to be allowed to keep hers. If we go poking through her records again, it makes us even worse. When we did it before, we didn’t know how she felt. Now we do.”

It felt a little odd for me to find myself in agreement with Rosalie - I don’t think it had ever happened before. She was right, though. I had been castigating myself about my lies for weeks; if I allowed them to do this again, it would be another gross crime against her.

“I agree,” Carlisle said. “If her health becomes a serious concern, we can readdress the issue, but for now we need to respect her choice. We also have Charlie as an ally; I expect she will tell him herself, Edward said they have a much more open relationship now. He will ensure she takes the proper course of action to help herself. She did call her doctor already, so we know she is not hiding it.”

Alice looked a little disappointed, whether because she was denied the opportunity to try her skill at hacking again, or because her gift had always allowed her a certain degree of omniscience, I didn’t know. Having to wait for Bella to tell us these things by choice was almost as difficult for her as it was for me.

“How about you?” Esme asked. “Were you able to catch Victoria? Was anyone hurt?”

“Nobody was hurt, and Victoria has been dealt with,” Carlisle said.

“Yeah, Edward turned her to chippings according to the wolf boy,” Emmett boomed. “Kinda sad I missed it.”

Are you okay? Esme asked, searching my expression for any sign of sadness.

She was wondering how she would feel had it been her, and expected me to feel conflicted; pleased the threat was dealt with, but guilty for ending another vampire’s life.

“I’m fine,” I reassured her. I truly was. Victoria had been a threat to Bella, any guilt I would have felt ordinarily was eclipsed by my relief that, this time, I had been able protect her.

I heard the sound of rustling sheets as Bella stirred restlessly.

“Can I suggest we retire for the night and allow Bella her privacy? I will stay here with you, Edward,” Carlisle added, seeing my mutinous look. I was not comfortable being away from Bella at the moment.

I expected teasing from Emmett about stalking, but he showed restraint and merely clapped me on the shoulder before heading back to the car. Esme kissed Carlisle goodbye and, with Alice and Jasper, followed Emmett to the car.

Rosalie went inside again to keep up the sleepover charade, and Carlisle and I settled in a tree outside her window. 

Carlisle knew I was anxious about Bella and did not try to initiate conversation. Instead, his thoughts lingered over some of his happiest memories with the family. It was soothing, as he knew it would be; I relaxed slightly, enjoying his memories and the companionable silence.

Dawn broke and passed, and still Bella slept. I was impatient to get back to her side. As soon as I heard her wake, I was going to call to say I was home again.

Rosalie was flipping through a book. I could hear the turning of pages and the scratch of a pen, but respectful of her privacy, I did not try to read her thoughts to see what she was doing. She seemed content though, and was humming to herself quietly.

Around nine, Bella’s heartbeat and breathing showed her waking. Rosalie got up and went into the kitchen.

Edward, how do I make the coffee? she asked.

I talked her through the process; I had seen Bella using the machine when we were at her house in the evenings. It was a complicated device and, unlike most of her appliances, it seemed quite expensive. I liked that she had gotten over her abhorrence of wasting money to buy herself something she wanted for a change.

By the time Bella came downstairs, the coffee was brewed and Rosalie was sitting at the kitchen table. I was unable to resist the temptation of watching the scene through Rosalie’s eyes, which she knew and understood.

You enjoying the view Edward? She looks funny in the mornings. Are humans usually so crumpled looking?

I could see what she meant, Bella had crease marks of her face from the pillow, and her hair was like a bird’s nest. She looked absolutely adorable.

“Coffee,” she said sniffing the air. “Rosalie, you are an angel.”

Carlisle smiled at her words. He had not seen Rosalie’s memories of the previous evening, and he was happy to hear evidence of their improved relationship.

“I thought you might appreciate it,” Rosalie said.

“You were right, I feel like I could sleep another eight hours. Was the air mattress okay? The guys said they were, but they tend to play down their discomfort for man points.”

“It was perfectly comfortable,” she said carefully. But it smelled foul. “I got a text message this morning, Edward arrived home late last night. I think you can expect a call sometime soon.” Like in the next thirty seconds.

Bella’s answering smile was dazzling, and I felt a rush of pleasure. Even after weeks spent almost exclusively in her company, I was still surprised by evidence of her happiness with me.

“You think I should call, or will I wake him?” Bella asked.

“I’m certain you won’t wake him. He is probably waiting for it to be a reasonable hour to call you.”

Clutching a cup of coffee in her hands, Bella slipped on a pair of sneakers and took the phone out onto her back porch. Carlisle and I moved further into the woods, not wanting her to catch sight of us perched in a tree.

She’s rather dishevelled, isn’t she? Carlisle mused.

I smiled. Crumpled, disheveled, whatever you called it, she was my Bella, and she was beautiful. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I picked up the call before it had completed its first ring.

“Good morning.”

“Edward.” Her voice was a soft sigh. “Are you okay? I was worried.”

“I’m fine. I told you I was just dealing with some family matters, nothing to worry about.”

She rolled her eyes and Carlisle chortled. “If you say so. I’m just glad you’re home.”

“So am I. Do you have any plans for today?”

“Actually I do,” she said happily. My smile faded. “I am hoping my wonderful boyfriend will come visit me, and we can spend all day making up for lost time.”

“That sounds nice. If your wonderful boyfriend can’t make it, let me know and I will come in his place,” I teased.

She giggled. “How fast can your dad-mobile get you here?”

Dad-mobile? Carlisle snorted, then seeing my less than amused expression, redirected his thoughts. I will see you at home. He jumped down from the tree and disappeared into the forest.

“I can be as quick as you like.”

“I have to shower and make myself presentable, but I’ll leave the back door unlocked. Come over whenever you’re ready; Rosalie is here, so you can keep her entertained.”

“Actually, I think Rosalie will be leaving soon too. She and Esme have plans to go shopping today, and Esme is eager to leave.”

Rosalie snorted. Fine, I can take a hint. You can have Bella all to yourself. But you are going to have to learn to share. 

“I better go say goodbye, then. I left her alone inside, I didn’t want to gross her out with the fluffiness.”

“Okay, I will see you very soon.”

I took one last searching look at her, then made my way back to the house. I changed my own clothes, as I was fairly crumpled looking myself - spending a night in a tree tended to have that affect. I hesitated over the cars for a moment, but decided the Volvo would do for today. I wanted to show her the Aston, but it would be better to save that for a special occasion.

As I pulled out of the drive, I passed Rosalie on her way home. She’s all yours. If you hurry, you might catch her in the shower, she teased.

I pushed the engine a little faster, wanting to get away from her amused thoughts. It was a mistake. She interpreted my increased speed as eagerness to catch Bella in the shower, and her gales of laughter followed me. I was going to have to endure teasing from her and Emmett when I got home.

I drove onto Bella’s street and pulled in beside her bike. Too excited to be with her to wait, it wasn’t until I was at the back door that I heard her voice. She was in the lounge, talking on the telephone to Renee, apparently filling her in on the fainting spell. Certain I wasn’t supposed to be hearing this, I headed back to the car, planning to blast music in an attempt to drown out their words, but Bella had heard me arrive. 

“Hang on, Mom,” she said cutting across Renee’s words. “Come in, Edward.”

I joined her in the lounge, feeling awkward at being caught listening, even though I hadn’t meant to.

Bella smiled when she saw me, and crooked a finger calling me over to her. I approached and she pulled me to down to sit beside her on the couch, and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I missed you,” she whispered.

“Oh, I miss you too, honey,” Renee said, and Bella stifled a giggle. “Maybe you should come up here, see Dr. Ribot in person.”

Bella couldn’t know I was hearing every word Renee spoke as clearly as if she was in the room with me, but she made no attempt to hide her side of the conversation either.

“I told you I called her last night. If she wants me to come down, I will, but I’m not missing school unless I have to.”

“This is more important than school,” Renee remonstrated. “This is your health.”

I was surprised to hear Renee speaking so forcefully. When I met her in Phoenix after Bella’s encounter with James, I had judged her to be a loving, if slightly irresponsible, mother. She certainly never sounded as parental as she did now. It seemed Bella’s injury had changed the dynamic with Renee just as much as it had with Charlie.

“I know it’s my health,” Bella said tiredly. “I’m sure it was just because I forgot to eat. If anything else happens, I promise to go get checked out, but I’m not going to panic every time something happens. Neither should you.”

“I’m not happy about this, Bella; I think you should come here where I can take care of you.”

“I know you do, and you know why I won’t. Edward has arrived, and I’m sure you’re eager to call Charlie so you can both work out a game plan for getting me to a doctor. You go do that, and I’ll speak to you later, okay?”

There was a moment’s silence, then Renee begrudgingly agreed. “I love you. Please take care of yourself.”

“I love you too, Mom. Bye.” With a heavy sigh, Bella ended the call. 

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” she said, then pulled my face to hers.

I spent the next few minutes lost in a blissful haze of warm skin, soft lips, and gasping breath.

“You were going to tell me something,” I reminded her when she caught her breath again.

“I was?” she asked, looking a little confused. I was pleased to see I still had some effect on her, even if I couldn’t dazzle her quite so easily. “Oh yeah, I was.”

She shifted so she was facing me, and her expression became somber. “I’m guessing you already know about yesterday’s little drama.”

I affected an innocently confused look.

She smiled knowingly. “Don’t pretend Rosalie didn’t at least call you when I was in the shower.”

Technically she didn’t call me, but I figured informing Bella that I had found out during a Cullen family gathering in her backyard was a bad idea. “She may have mentioned it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Now was that so hard to admit?”

“I apologize. I thought it would be better to allow you to tell me yourself if you wanted me to know.”

“That’s kinda what I wanted to talk about,” she said awkwardly. “I know I told you I didn’t want to know more about your secrets–”

“Do you want to know now?” I couldn’t hide the hopefulness in my tone. I wanted her to know the truth about us. I knew some of the family would disagree – Rosalie especially – but I was already hiding so much from her, so many lies, I wanted to at least be honest about this.

“Should I know?” she asked, turning the decision back to me. “I was talking to Rosalie about this last night, and I think I am safer not knowing. Is that me being paranoid?”

I considered the question. She was right, of course. If the Volturi found out she knew, she would be in danger. It was unlikely they would ever know, Carlisle was the only one that had ever met them, and that was centuries ago. But still, this was Bella, if something bad could happen, it usually did.

“You’re not being paranoid,” I said finally. I wished I could give any other answer, I needed to tell her, but her safety was more important. “It is better that you don’t know.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “I have secrets, or more specifically a secret. I didn’t hide it from you for any noble reason, but because I wanted to be normal for a while. I think I owe you the truth now.”

I took her hand. I knew this was going to be difficult for her, and I wanted to give her what comfort I could.

She took a deep breath and began. “About eighteen months ago, I had an accident. I was walking in the woods, and I fell. It did some… damage, and now I have problems.”

She told me all of it. Waking in the hospital, and not understanding why Charlie was there. Her frustration as she struggled to retain new memories. The depression that she struggled with while in Florida. Recreating a life in Forks. The difficulties she still lived with now.

I did not need to act surprised, though I already knew the facts. Hearing the story from her point of view was vastly different. I didn’t know about the depression, the way she had come close to giving up many times.

I had never been more in awe of her. I had allowed myself to drown in misery for a year because I had lost my love. She lost everything, and yet she had pushed through it all and created a new life.

“It’s much better now. Sometimes I get headaches, but I can live a fairly normal life, and people remain largely unaware that anything is wrong. But I am different, and my parents can be a little over the top with the protectiveness thing. I think that is why Charlie was so against you. He is just cautious, he doesn’t want me to be hurt again.”

“I won’t hurt you, Bella, I promise,” I said, forcing all the sincerity into my tone I could.

“I know.” There was absolute certainty in her tone. “That’s why I love you.”

My mouth dropped open, and I was too stunned to correct it.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“You love me?” My voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Well duh. Haven’t I told you that already?”

I shook my head. She had said it to me a hundred times before, but never since we had been reunited.

She shifted so she was kneeling beside me, and taking my head in her hands, she locked eyes with me. “I love you, Edward.”

I pulled her into my arms, luxuriating in her warmth and scent.

“I love you, too.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

We spent the morning cleaning and tidying around the house. Or more specifically, Bella cleaned and I watched. She refused all my offers of help, saying she preferred to do it herself. She gave me a stack of notes from the lectures I had missed and sat me at the table with orders to “Read that and keep out from under my feet.”

I read through the notes in five minutes and spent the rest of the time watching her discreetly as she worked. There was something very comforting in watching her bustle about the house. She had never been sloppy when she lived with Charlie, but she definitely took more enjoyment in the work now that it was her own home.

“Okay, you are going to need to leave for a while,” she informed me as she came into the kitchen at noon.

“What did I do?” I asked.

“You didn’t do anything.” She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “But I need to eat lunch, and Rosalie told me that human food smells foul.”

Damn Rosalie.

“It doesn’t smell that bad,” I lied. “I really don’t mind.”

“You may not mind, but I do. Go for a drive or something.”

“How about I just sit out on the porch?” I suggested.

“How about you leave the stalker stuff to the professionals, and go for a drive? Honestly, Edward, it’ll only be for half an hour at the most.”

Feeling like a child being sent out to play, I stomped from the house and to my car. If I was going to be out, I was going to make good use of my time. Driving into the center of town, I pulled up in front of a florist.

I recognized the cashier as someone I had seen around campus. I asked her to make me a bouquet of pink and white roses.

“How big do you want it?” she asked.

“A dozen of each should suffice.”

“Wow, you must have done something really bad.” My confusion must have been obvious as she continued. “They’re for your girlfriend, right? Two dozen roses are usually reserved for the bad stuff.”

“Oh, I see. Well I haven’t done anything, I just wanted to surprise her.”

She laughed. “Well you’re a lot more clued in than most guys; my boyfriend thinks Jello shots are the way to a woman’s heart. Your girlfriend is a lucky girl.”

“No,” I said fervently. “I am the lucky one.”

We made friendly conversation as she arranged the bouquet and I perused the displays. I was trying to decide whether buying a stuffed toy would be overkill when my phone beeped with an incoming call.

“You need to buy a couple of vases,” Alice said, not bothering with a greeting. “Bella has one, but it won’t be big enough to hold them all. Seriously, Edward, two dozen roses? I think you went a little overboard. Oh and the grey bear, it’s cute.” She cut the call before I even had a chance to respond.

Smiling to myself, I picked up the bear and two vases, and placed them on the counter.

“Here you go,” she said, handing me the flowers. Alice may have been right about the overkill, it was a very large bouquet. I paid, leaving her a hefty tip, and maneuvered my way out of the store with my packages.

By the time I got back to Bella’s house, my thirty-minute exile was over. I could hear the gentle thudding of her heart around the back of the house.

“I’m out back,” she called, hearing my car pull into the drive. I took the flowers and vases with me, but left the bear in the car; I wanted to gauge her reaction to the flowers first.

She was on the swing, the creaking keeping time with the soft thudding of her heart.

“Did you have a nice… wow!” Her eyes widened when she caught sight of the flowers.

“I thought you might like them.” I said anxiously, half expecting an ‘Old Bella’ reaction to the flamboyant gift. 

She smiled dazzlingly. “They’re lovely. I’m not sure I have enough vases for them all though; you might have to take some back for your mom.”

“One step ahead of you,” I said, handing her the bag.

“Well, aren’t you clever. Let’s get these in water before they wilt.” She led me back into the house, and I watched as she arranged the flowers.

“My mom once dragged me to an evening class in flower arranging,” she said conversationally. “Renee is big on the hobbies, but she loses interest quickly. This was one of her more enduring experiments. I think she made it through three classes before quitting.”

I was surprised that she kept a few of the roses aside, and when she finished, she wrapped the stems in foil and set them in the sink. “For your mom,” she explained. “She’ll like them, right?”

Like them? She was going to be over the moon. I wondered if this heralded a softening towards Esme and Carlisle.

“She will love them,” I assured her. “Though, she’d like them a lot more if you gave them to her yourself. You could come to our house. Carlisle could check to see how your hand is healing now that you have stopped wearing the brace. I know Alice and Emmett have missed you, and Rosalie will be dying to show off the garage. And–”

She pressed a finger to my lips, halting my stream of incentives. “This really matters to you, doesn’t it?”

“It really does. They are my family, and I want to show you off.”

“Okay. Not today though, I have things I want to do. Is tomorrow too soon?”

“Tomorrow is perfect,” I said with a beaming smile.

I wondered what it was she wanted to do today; I hoped it involved curling up on the couch together. Now I was not held back by the temptation of her scent, I was able to enjoy the other aspects of our relationship.

Unfortunately, she had other ideas. “Have you got your books with you?”

My heart sank. “They’re in the car.” 

“You go get them, and we can get started on the reading,” she said, settling herself on the couch, her books on her lap.

Musing on my regression into a lust-addled teen, I collected my books and, as an afterthought, the stuffed toy I had brought her.

She was already absorbed in the text when I got back to her side. She had never been a slacker before, but sometime in the two years we were apart, she had developed a work ethic to rival Carlisle’s.

“I think we should go through the chapter first, then we can quiz each other,” she said without looking up.

I cleared my throat loudly. Her irritation at the interruption vanished when she saw the bear. “I didn’t peg you for a cuddly toy kinda man, but I guess you never can tell.”

“What? No! It’s not mine! I brought it for you!” I babbled holding it away from myself as if it were a bomb.

She rolled her eyes and took the bear from me. “I was teasing. It’s very cute, thank you.”

I sat beside her and began my own reading. I timed my own page turning to hers, not wanting to advertise my enhanced abilities. After a while, I noticed she was slowing down and her eyes were unfocused.

“Are you okay, love?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m just tired. I think I’m going to take a break.”

Glad of an excuse to stop too, I dropped my book onto the coffee table and wrapped an arm around her. She settled her head against my chest, directly above where my heart should be beating. She didn’t seem to notice its absence, just as she didn’t seem to mind the fact that my flesh was so cold and unyielding. In fact, she seemed just as comfortable with the differences now as she had before.

I pressed a kiss to her hair, and was rewarded with a soft sigh. I ran my fingers along her arm, marveling at her warmth and softness. It seemed to relax her as she nuzzled against me, and before long, her breathing changed to the slow, deep breaths of sleep.

I tried to shift her into a more comfortable position, but she moaned. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I promised. “I just want to make you comfortable.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

I lifted her into my arms and laid her down on the couch, placing a cushion under her head. She gripped my shirt and pulled me to her.

“I’m here,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I love you.”

“Me too.”

I chuckled, settling myself on the floor and resting my head on the pillow so I was facing her. I had always loved to watch her sleep; the way her expression would shift as she dreamed was fascinating. She wasn’t dreaming now though, her face was calm and relaxed.

I wished I had the skill to capture the image of her serene face. Alice was the one with the artistic abilities in the family, and I didn’t think it would be appropriate to ask her to come and sketch Bella for me now. Satisfying myself with committing the image to my indelible memory, I closed my own eyes and imagined how it would feel to dream.

I was content, lost in my memories of Bella, when the shrill ringing of Bella’s phone pulled me out of my thoughts. I deliberated a moment before answering, not sure what the custom was in someone else’s home. Bella stirred, and I decided that her rest was more important than convention. I recognized the number as Charlie’s.

“Hello, Chief Swan. It’s Edward.”

“Edward?” he said, his confusion evident. “Where’s Bella? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” I said. “We were studying together, and she fell asleep. I didn’t want the phone to wake her.”

“Studying,” he mumbled. “Well, I guess that’s okay.”

Even if it wasn’t, what did he really think he could do? I stifled a laugh at the image of him flying out here to supervise our study sessions. 

“Would you like me to ask her to call you when she wakes up?” I asked. 

“Yeah… that would be good.” It seemed there was something more he wanted to say, so I decided to help him out. The sooner I got the call over with, the sooner I could get back to Bella.

“Is there anything else you want me to tell her?” I asked.

“How does she look? I mean, you know about the fainting thing, right?”

“I do. In fact, Bella told me the full story of her accident this morning.”

“She did?” His amazement colored his tone. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, Renee said she sounded all loved-up this morning on the phone, it was only a matter of time before she told you. I hope you realize what a big thing that was for her, Edward. She fought for her independence after the accident, and hates admitting weakness. She trusts you now, you better not screw it up again.”

“I won’t,” I vowed. “To hurt Bella is tantamount to hurting myself. She is my life.” 

“Huh, well, okay.” He sounded embarrassed by my heartfelt declaration. “If she trusts you now, I guess I have to as well. I need you to look after her now. I know she said it was because she forgot to eat, but this fainting thing has us a little jumpy. I have talked Renee out of flying up there, but I need you to be my eyes. If there is any hint of her being ill, you take her to a doctor, then call me in that order.”

I would have done it even if he hadn’t asked, but I reassured him anyway, and gave him the number for my cell and the house phone before hanging up and returning to Bella.

She slept most of the afternoon; dusk was falling when she began to stir. I moved to the armchair and picked up a book. Though I was just as comfortable on the floor as I was on the chair, it would have looked odd to her if she woke with my face inches from her. 

“Did you have a good nap?” I asked solicitously as she blinked blearily.

“Yeah, sorry I fell asleep on you, I guess I was more tired than I thought. I hope you weren’t too bored.”

“Not at all, I enjoyed the view.”

“You watched me sleep?” I fervently hoped that it was surprise rather than anger that made her voice so high pitched.

“Your father called!” I announced, seizing on the change of topic. “He wants you to call him back. We had a talk, I think it went well.”

“Nice distraction,” she said sardonically. “I’m going to call Charlie, and then you and I are going to have a little chat about nap time etiquette.”

I nodded eagerly, glad of the reprieve.

“Does coffee smell as bad as food?” she asked.

“It doesn’t smell too bad,” I said, choosing my words with care. It certainly didn’t smell good, but I wasn’t about to admit that. She might make me leave every time it she drank it, and then I’d never get to see her. 

“Well then, would you mind pouring me some while I deal with the anxious father?”

“Of course.”

I lingered in the kitchen a little longer than was necessary to give her at least a semblance of privacy. I was attempting to block out their voices by concentrating extremely hard on the thoughts of someone jogging through the park, but when she mentioned my name, I couldn’t help listening.

“So I hear you spoke to Edward. I hope you were polite.”

“What? Did he tell you that?” Charlie’s tone was anxious. I stifled a groan with difficulty, he obviously thought she was referring to my visit to Forks.

“Well duh, you called, right?”

“Oh, yeah, I called.” Bella wasn’t the only Swan that was lacking in the acting skills department; apparently the inability to lie convincingly was a genetic trait. “I admit I was surprised when he answered your phone.”

“Did you think you’d interrupted kinky business?”

My mouth dropped open. I had never heard her speaking so boldly, and had never expected her to talk to Charlie like that. She smiled, winking at me.

“Isabella Marie!” he exploded.

She laughed raucously. “I’m sorry Dad, I was just teasing.”

“You trying to give your old man a heart attack? I don’t need those thoughts in my head, thank you very much. You want to talk about that stuff, you call your mother.”

“But what if I need the male perspective?” she said innocently.

“I’ve got to go Bella, someone is here… I’ll talk to you later. You should call Renee, she can help you with that… stuff.” He babbled incoherently for a moment, then cut the call. 

Bella positively roared with laughter. Clutching a cushion to her stomach, she rocked back and forth with tears streaming down her face.

“Oh, that was fun,” she said, hiccupping her way to calm again. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, but it was too tempting to pass up.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” I lied unconvincingly. I was eternally gratefully that I couldn’t blush, as otherwise my cheeks would be a flaming red by now. “I was just a little surprised.”

“So was Charlie,” she snorted. “Poor guy. Still, on the upside, it stopped him from interrogating me about my fainting spell.”

I frowned. 

“Hey, I’m not hiding anything!” she defended, seeing my reaction. “They know what happened, and my doctor knows what happened. All Charlie wanted to do was to check that I was okay, which I am, and that I will tell him if it happens again, which I will. I just saved him the cost of a long distance phone call.”

She patted the seat beside her, and when I sat down, she climbed into my lap.

“Now, there was something we were going to discuss, wasn’t there?” she said, pressing kisses to my cheeks.

“There was?”

For the life of me, I couldn’t think what it was. In fact, I couldn’t seem to think of anything but the way her warm lips felt against my skin. I prayed my body didn’t betray me; she was sitting so close there would be no way she wouldn’t notice it. She lingered at my ear, her soft breath brushing against my skin.

“Yes, there was.” She pulled back to look at me. “We were going to talk about you watching me sleep.”

“Oh!” All fears for my body’s reaction vanished, as my heart sank. “Is there any chance of you thinking it’s romantic?” I asked hopefully.

“That depends,” she said thoughtfully. “What were you doing while you were watching?”

“I wasn’t doing anything.”

“So this isn’t a fetish thing then? You don’t go sneaking into your family’s rooms and watch them sleep at night?”

“No!” I gasped, horrified. “I assure you it was perfectly innocent. I just liked watching you sleep; you looked so peaceful.”

“And you don’t secretly watch your family sleep?”

I shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to answer. We were heading into vampire territory now.

She misconstrued my discomfort and gasped. “You do?”

“No! I can’t. I mean, I don’t.” I sighed. I may be revealing too much, but I would rather she knew a little more about our differences than think I had some weird fetish for watching people sleep. “We don’t sleep, my family and I, one of our differences is that we don’t sleep.”

“So what do you do all night?” she asked.

“I count the minutes until I can be with you again.”

“Okay, that’s actually kinda sweet, I can see why you would find…” she trailed off, her eyes widening in horror. “Rosalie!”

“What about her?”

“Did she watch me sleep too?”

I laughed. “No, she stayed downstairs all night.”

“Then why did she agree to a sleep over at all? I only asked because I felt bad for her driving home so late, I thought she’d be tired.”

“Well she wasn’t tired, but she did enjoy herself. We don’t usually form relationships outside of the family; not everyone has your view about our differences. I think she enjoyed the chance to act like a normal college student for a change.”

“Okay, we’ll have to come up with some more ‘normal’ things to do together, then. No more sleepovers though, it’s weird when you’re the only one sleeping.”

I chuckled. “Alice will be disappointed, I think she was hoping for an invite next.”

“She’ll survive,” she said carelessly, getting to her feet and stretching. “Now it’s time for me to eat, and for you to leave.”

I tried very hard not to pout, but was not entirely successful. Laughing at my disappointed expression, she ushered me out of the door with the wrapped blooms she had put aside for Esme.

“Go make your mother happy, they like it when their sons bring them flowers.”

Sighing heavily, I kissed her goodbye and trudged out to my car, wondering what I could do to Rosalie to pay her back for letting the food secret slip. I decided a scratched M3 would do. 

Chapter Text

Edward POV

“Do you think there’s time to run into town before she gets here?” Esme asked. “I want to get some groceries. I haven’t stocked the cupboards for a while, and it might all be stale. I wonder if she still likes those biscotti things.”

I stifled a laugh. “There is plenty of time, Esme, but no need. The store won’t be open for another two hours, Bella won’t be here for another four, and she won’t eat anyway.”

 “Why won’t she eat?” she fretted.

“Because someone,” I shot Rosalie a glare, “told her that human food smells foul. Now I am sent away while she eats.”

“Oh, well that’s really quite…”

“Annoying?” I suggested.

Esme smiled. “Well, I was going to say sweet, but yes, I imagine it is difficult for you. What are we going to do, though? If she won’t eat here, she won’t stay long.”

“Picnic,” Alice said, as she came bouncing down the stairs. “If we suggest eating outside, she won’t object.”

Well that solved that problem. I wondered if I could make a similar suggestion for her house, I could buy her a grill…

“That’s not going to work, Edward,” Alice informed me.

“What not going to work?” Emmett asked eagerly. “What dumbass idea has Eddie come up with this time?”

I looked at her pleadingly, begging her not to tell him. There was only so much teasing I could take before I stopped coming home altogether.

“Nothing exciting. He was going to call Bella and see if she would come earlier, but she won’t; she has a stop to make on the way.”

She did? I wondered what she was planning. Knowing better than to ask, I followed Esme into the kitchen and helped her make a list of groceries to get when the store opened.

“Coffee. She is definitely going to want coffee; I told her it doesn’t smell.”

“Should I get a machine too?” she asked. “I think we have one of those press things somewhere, but she may prefer a machine.”

“The french press will be fine,” I assured her. “She knows we don’t drink it, and will be upset if she thinks we have bought one just for her. She may accept gifts a little easier now, but she still doesn’t like wasting money.”

Esme smiled fondly. “It’s reassuring that some things are still the same. She is not a completely different person. She still loves you, and that makes me hopeful…”

I knew what she meant; it made her hopeful that she too could have the same relationship with Bella that she once had. She had been thrilled when I gave her the flowers from Bella, they were now in a vase and displayed in a place of pride on the coffee table.

“She just needs a chance to get to know you again,” I assured her. “You caught her off guard last time; she was in pain, angry at Jacob, and in an unfamiliar place. You be your usual wonderful self, and she’ll love you.”

She pulled me into a tight hug, a little too tight in fact. At times it was easy to forget that Esme was just as powerful as any of us; her gentle nature concealed the physical strength. Now as I attempted not to wince under her grip, I wondered how I could tactfully remind her that Bella was still breakable. If she got close enough for a hug, it was better to use a little less force. I loved Esme, but if she broke my Bella, I was not going to be happy.

xXx

Ten o’clock came and went, and there was still no sign of Bella.

“Maybe she forgot,” Esme said sadly.

“I saw her write it down,” I said. “I’ll give her a little longer, then call her.”

“She could have gotten lost,” Carlisle suggested. “We are out of the way here. Did you give clear directions?”

I managed not to roll my eyes with effort. Did they think I was a complete idiot?

“Will you stop worrying, she’s on her way; I told you she had to make a stop,” Alice said.

I still didn’t know what this ‘stop’ was, Alice was refusing to tell me, but whatever it was it seemed to amuse her greatly.

At quarter after ten, I heard the sound of her bike pulling onto the driveway, closely followed by her sweet voice.

“Crap, shit, fuck, crap,” she muttered. “Real smart, Bella.”

Emmett snorted. “My, my, that’s quite the potty mouth. Wonder what she did.”

It became obvious as soon as she pulled out of the driveway in front of the house what she had done; sticking out of her backpack was a bouquet. It looked like she was wearing an exceptionally flowery hat.

I hurried out to meet her. When she saw me, the stream of cuss words cut off, and she fixed me with a stern look.

“If you laugh, I am turning right round and going home again,” she warned.

“I won’t laugh, I promise.”

The rest of the family had made no such promise, and were in hysterics. 

“Good, can you help me out here?” She shrugged her shoulders to indicate she wanted the backpack off.

I slid it from her shoulders and held out a hand to help her off the bike. She smiled, as she always did when I did something she thought was particularly old fashioned.

She pulled my head down to her and kissed me with a little more passion than was really appropriate with an audience. I couldn’t find it in myself to care, though. It wasn’t until I heard Esme’s happy sigh and Emmett’s wolf whistle, that I recovered my senses and pulled away.

She smiled a little goofily, and Esme’s thoughts became a happy stream of cooing.

Shaking her head firmly, she reached for her backpack and examined the slightly squashed flowers. She cursed under her breath as she tried to straighten a bent stem.

“That’ll teach me to not plan ahead,” she groaned. “I didn’t think about how I was going to get them here on the bike.”

“They’re fine,” I assured her. “Are you ready to go inside, or were you planning to spend your visit out here? I’m happy either way.”

“Funny man,” she said sarcastically, aiming a punch at my arm. I dodged it carefully; she had only just stopped wearing the brace from her last injury, and I didn’t think she’d appreciate having to put it on again. 

I heard a flurry of movement as the family hurried away from the window. Taking her hand, I led her up the porch steps and into the house. 

Esme and Carlisle were standing just in the hall, and the others were upstairs, out of sight. I gathered from their thoughts that Alice had seen her reacting to Carlisle and Esme better if there wasn’t an audience.

“Hello, Bella. It’s nice to see you again,” Carlisle greeted.

“You too. Sorry I’m late, I know you hate that.”

He gaped at her, then catching her wide grin, he smiled too. “Yes, I apologize about that; I was nervous and inadvertently took it out on you. I was hoping we could forget that and try again.”

“Sounds good.” She held out a hand. “I’m Bella Swan, it’s nice to meet you.”

He shook her hand. “Carlisle Cullen.”

Esme cleared her throat impatiently.

“Bella, this is–“

“I’m Esme, we haven’t been properly introduced.” She shot me a stern look.

I would have introduced them last time if I could have been sure she wouldn’t have hugged her and refused to let go.

“Nice to meet you properly. I got you these.” She held out the bouquet. “Sorry it’s a bit squished, I didn’t consider the practicalities of flowers on a motorbike.”

“That was a very sweet thing to do, I’ll go put them in water.” She hurried into the kitchen, and a moment later I heard a muffled sob. 

“Please excuse me, I need to assist Esme,” Carlisle said. “Make yourself at home.”

Though I blocked their thoughts, I could still hear their whispered conversation.

“She brought me flowers, Carlisle,” Esme whimpered.

“I know dear, it was a lovely gesture. Why has it upset you?”

Alice groaned. What a dumbass.

She and Rosalie slipped down the stairs and into the kitchen to take over comforting duty, while Emmett made his noisy and distracting entrance.

“Hey Bella, good to see you again. Edward has been hogging you lately, I was beginning to forget what you looked like.”

“I saw you three days ago.”

“Yeah, but I have a terrible memory.” Even as he said it he realized his mistake, and clapped a hand to his mouth.

Shit! I didn’t mean to say that! Shit!

There was a beat of absolute silence while we all waited for her reaction.

“Edward told you then.” Her tone was neutral.

“Told me what?” Emmett said. He was attempting to look innocent, but failing spectacularly.

“Just a tip, Emmett,” she said coolly. “Poker, not your game.”

“I’m sorry, love. I shouldn’t have told them, but it’s really not practical keeping secrets in this family.”

She nodded. “It’s okay. So are you going to give me a tour?”

It was plainly not okay, but she clearly didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Alice came from the kitchen, her thoughts revealing her plan. I shook my head, but she ignored me.

“Hi Bella, let me give you the tour while Edward makes you some coffee. He’s been looking forward to showing off his mastery of the french press.”

Powerless against Alice’s enthusiasm, she allowed herself to be led up the stairs.

I went into the kitchen and started the coffee, following their progress through Alice’s thoughts.

“I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean to say it, it just slipped out,” Emmett said.

I nodded curtly, measuring the coffee and setting the water to boil.

Are you okay son?

“No,” I admitted. “It’s not Emmett’s fault, it was a simple slip of the tongue, but it just shows again how much I am hiding from her. Not least of all, the fact that the big step she took by telling me about her injury was pointless, as I already knew. I hate lying to her.”

“Perhaps you should tell her, then,” Rosalie suggested. “If she feels that strongly for you, she will forgive you.”

“And if she doesn’t, I will lose her. I know I am a coward, but I can’t bear to be without her. Not again.”

“What if she remembers? What will you do then?” There was no malice in Rosalie’s words, she was asking out of concern for both me and Bella.

I had no answer for her; I didn’t know what I would do.

When I had seen her again, I had been so happy, I hadn’t thought to tell her who I was, or rather who I had been. I was too preoccupied at the idea of being with her again, getting my second chance. Now I had her back, she loved me and I her; I couldn’t risk losing her again.

Alice was showing Bella her (and Jasper’s) bedroom. It wasn’t immediately obvious that it was Jasper’s too, as there was little in there that could be considered remotely masculine.

“You know it wasn’t Edward’s fault,” Alice began, completely ignoring my hissed warnings. “I was the one that saw your conversation, and I told the others before I could think.”

“You saw our conversation?” Bella asked, testily. “Have you taken up stalking, Alice? Because I think I’d have noticed if you were in the room with us.”

“No,” Alice laughed with forced humor; she was caught off guard by Bella’s annoyance. “I have visions of the future.”

“Sure you do.”

“No, really. I saw a vision of you and Edward talking. I’ll prove it.” She focused for a moment, searching for something relevant. “In a minute your phone is going to ring. Your mother is calling. It’s part of my differ–”

Rosalie groaned, but it was Bella that spoke.

“Shut up, Alice!”

Alice looked shocked, she hadn’t expected Bella to react like this. “But I’m trying to explain, it isn’t Edward’s fault.”

“I know what you are trying to do, and I don’t want to hear it. For crap’s sake, I told him I didn’t want to know this stuff, I told Rosalie. If secrets are so hard to keep in your family, why the hell didn’t they tell you that?”

“They did, I just thought—”

Her words were cut off as Bella phone began to ring in her backpack.

She stomped down the stairs and rummaged through the bag. She showed no surprise at the proof of Alice’s words, just annoyance.

“Mom, this really isn’t a good time, can I call you later?”

“What’s wrong?” Renee’s tone was frantic. “Are you feeling ill again?”

“No, I’m fine. I am at Edward’s house at the moment. I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, you don’t sound like your normal self.”

“I really am fine, I just don’t want to be rude by chatting on my phone while I am visiting.”

“Okay then sweetie, I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.” She cut the call and took a deep calming breath.

She’s not fine. Jasper said, testing her emotions. She’s really pissed.

I’m sorry Edward, I thought it would help. I knew Alice meant well, but she had upset Bella.

Esme was fretting that she was going to leave already, and was thinking of ways to settle the atmosphere.

“Edward,” Bella called.

With reluctant footsteps, I walked into the lounge. She came to meet me and wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my chest.

“Are you okay, love?”

“Not particularly,” she sighed.

“I’m sorry about that, Bella. Alice didn’t mean to upset you.” Carlisle and Esme had come to join us.

“I know that, but it’s not the point. Where’s Rosalie?”

“I’m here.”

As were the rest of the family. As if Bella’s question had been a summons, they all trailed into the room with varying expressions of remorse.

Bella released me and thumped down on the couch.

“Rosalie told me it wasn’t safe for me to know more, and Edward confirmed it. Are they right?” She addressed her question to Carlisle.

“Yes, though there isn’t immediate danger to you, and we are more than capable of protecting you; it is better that you don’t know.”

“That’s what I thought. So can you all do me a favor and stop trying to tell me more? Edward told me a little about the difficulties you have forming relationships outside of your family, and I understand that must be hard, but I like my life. There are enough of you that you can have these conversations with each other. Please leave me in my happy, ignorant, safe bubble.”

“We will,” Carlisle assured her.

“Thank you.” It was heartfelt gratitude, and it made me feel a pang of guilt. I could have stopped Alice if I really wanted to, but a part of me wanted her to know these things.

“Are you in pain?” Carlisle asked, drawing my attention back to Bella. She was massaging her temples, her face pained.

I sat beside her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, placing a hand on her forehead.

“I have a headache is all. I’ve got some pills in my bag.”

Esme passed it over, and she pulled a small bottle out of acetaminophen.

“Alice, can you get Bella some water, please?”

“No need,” she said, and dry swallowed two of the pills. “I’d love some coffee, though.”

I had no memory of taking medicine as a human, but I had learned from other humans’ minds that this was not a pleasant experience. The ease with which Bella knocked them back spoke of far too much familiarity with the process. I noticed she didn’t remove my hand from her head, and realized my skin would work as a cold compress for her.

“Do you want to go home?” I asked.

“No, I’ll be fine, they just need a moment to work. It’s just a tension headache. I get them from time to time.”

Alice came back and handed her a mug of coffee. Bella smiled gratefully, which eased her guilt somewhat.

“One more question, then we can all go back to pretending I’m not the only one here without freaky abilities,” she said, looking to Alice. “Do you have control over these visions? I mean, can you stop yourself from seeing things?”

“Usually, yes. Sometimes they come without trying, but I can block them if I try.”

She looked relieved. “In that case, can you stop looking for me? It’s weird, and a little intrusive.”

“I can try,” Alice said reluctantly. She could block effectively, but didn’t want to commit to anything; she wanted to be able to keep an eye on Bella for safety’s sake. And for less noble reasons.

“Try hard. Unless you want to make things even, and let me hook this place up with hidden cameras. I think you’d be able to sell it to a network and make a new unreality show.”

“That really wouldn’t be advisable. We have to… oh.” Carlisle caught her grin and realized she was teasing.

“Well now we’ve got that out of the way, what do you want to do next?” Emmett asked. “You want to see mine and Rosie’s room? Or we can show you the garage, she has some cool stuff that she won’t let me touch; she could supe up your bike a bit.”

I glared at him. I worried about her riding that thing enough already, the last thing she needed was Rosalie’s modifications making it even faster.

“Edward could play for you,” Esme suggested.

“Play for me?”

“The piano,” she explained, gesturing to the grand in the corner. “He is very talented.”

“That would be nice.”

I had been looking forward to this moment for weeks. Ever since I came home from campus and played for Esme, I had been waiting for the day I could play her lullaby again.

Leading her over to the piano, I sat her beside me and begun Esme’s favorite. She rested her head on my shoulder and her eyes slipped closed.

“It’s lovely,” she sighed. “I may have to get a piano for the house so you can play for me on demand.”

“I’d be happy to,” I said.

I brought Esme’s song to a finish, and begun playing the opening notes to her lullaby.

“Oh, it’s…”

“Bella!”

It was Esme’s startled cry that alerted me. I turned in time to see her slide from the bench to Esme’s arms in a dead faint.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I snatched Bella into my arms and tapped her face gently. “Bella! Bella!”

I felt motion to my left and growled low in my throat, warning them away.

“Stop, Edward,” Carlisle said firmly. “Let me examine her.”

There were too many of them. They were crowding around us. My growl grew louder, and I fought the urge to snap at them. They were too close.

“Give them some space,” Jasper cautioned.

I felt them moving back from me, but one remained.

I need to examine her. Carlisle’s familiar voice reached me through the haze, and my growls cut off.

“I’m sorry,” I gasped, shocked at how close I had come to hurting one of them.

“We understand,” Carlisle said, kneeling at my side.

He took Bella’s pulse: it was strong and steady. If not for her unusual pallor, it would have looked like she was sleeping.

“Someone fetch my bag please. The rest of you need to leave; I want to test her glucose levels and there will be blood.”

Esme handed him the black bag and followed the others out of the front door.

Will you be okay? How is your control now? Carlisle asked.

“I will be fine; I have not felt the slightest temptation since I have been back with her.”

“Perhaps it would be better to settle her on the couch first, though. If there is a problem, you might inadvertently injure her.”

I would not lose control and hurt her, but if there was temptation I would need to be able to get away fast. Though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I set her down on the couch and placed a pillow beneath her head.

I stepped back and Carlisle used the lancet to prick her finger. A drop of blood formed, and I stared it, waiting for the burn to come. I could smell it, the perfect scent that was all Bella, but there was no temptation. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Carlisle touched the small machine to her fingertip and set it down on the floor beside him.

“Pass me an alcohol wipe, please.”

I handed him the small swab, and he wiped it over her finger tip, replacing the sweet scent of Bella with the harshness of the alcohol.

The machine beeped and Carlisle checked the readout. “Too low,” he muttered. He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a jar of honey and a can of soda. “Would you like to do the honors?”

There was no need, Bella began to stir. I eased her to a sitting position and leaned her against my chest.

“Bella, I need you to drink this.” Carlisle said gently.

“Not thirsty,” she mumbled. “Feel sick.”

“I know dear, you fainted; your blood sugar was too low. You will feel better if you drink this.”

She reached for the can with shaking hands and slopped some of it down her shirt.

I held the can for her, and she brought the straw to her mouth, gulping at it. Her color gradually returned, and her shaking hands stilled; she took the can from me and looked around blearily.

“Where’s Edward?”

“Behind you,” Carlisle answered with a small smile.

She twisted her head to look at me. “Oh, hey.”

I chuckled. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Much better. Sorry about the fainting thing.”

I rolled my eyes, only Bella would apologize for that.

Carlisle went to the kitchen and came back with a plate of crackers. “Give yourself a few minutes then eat these,” he instructed, then went outside to tell the others they could come back.

“Why didn’t you tell me you felt ill?” I asked, a hint of accusation in my voice.

Her eyes hardened. “I did. I had a headache.”

“Is that all? You didn’t feel nauseous or dizzy?”

“Only immediately before I fainted. I felt a little dizzy. The next thing I knew, I was on the couch using you as a pillow.”

“Is this what happened when you fainted in the woods?”

She considered for a moment, picking at the crackers. “I guess ... I’m not really sure.”

Filing that away for further consideration, I shifted so I was sitting beside her. She sagged back against the cushions.

“You need to eat those for them to work,” I said, looking pointedly at the crackers.

“Do they smell?”

“They smell lovely, now eat them.”

She picked up a cracker and began eating with a martyred expression.

“I will not be leaving for meals now either,” I informed her.

“You won’t?” she quirked an eyebrow.

“No, I won’t. Did you eat breakfast this morning?”

“I think so, I usually do, I … I don’t remember.” The last word was a moan. I couldn’t imagine how frustrating it must be for her to forget such simple things.

“Which is why I am going to be sticking around for meals. That’s two fainting spells in three days; you are going to have to take more care of yourself.”

“Fine,” she huffed. “So is that why I fainted, because I forgot to eat?”

“Probably, you will need to see a doctor though.”

“I thought I just did. Isn’t you father one?”

“He is, but you still need to be checked out properly. And you will need one of these.” I held up the glucose testing machine. “Can I have a finger please.”

With a wicked grin, she presented me with her middle finger. Ignoring the gesture I snapped the end with a lancet.

“Ow, that hurt,” she moaned, snatching her hand away.

“I’m sorry, but we need to check your sugar again. Finger please.”

I touched the machine to the small drop of blood and checked the readout. “Much better,” I said. “You can quit with the crackers now if they aren’t good. I’ll make you something else to eat.”

I’ll do it, Edward. Is a sandwich okay? Esme had come through the kitchen door and was examining the contents of the fridge. I assured her that a sandwich would be fine and turned my attention back to Bella.

She dropped a half eaten cracker back on the plate. “Why do you even have these if you don’t eat?”

“Esme went to the store this morning,” I explained “We usually have some groceries in to keep up appearances, but she wanted to make sure there were things you’d like.”

“That’s really sweet. Kinda embarrassed about my little rant earlier now, not to mention the fainting.”

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You were right. We should have respected your choice to not know more. As for the fainting, they are just worried about you.”

She groaned, clapping a hand to her head.

“What’s the matter?” I asked “Is you head hurting again?”

“No, that’s fine; apparently the cure for a headache is fainting, who knew? I was thinking about Charlie and Renee. They are going to be all over this.”

“They’re your parents, it’s their job to worry.” Carlisle said. His sudden reappearance made her jump. “Would you like me to speak to them? I can answer any questions they may have.”

“That’d be great. I think they’ll feel better if they can speak to a proper doctor.”

He handed her a pen and pad, and she wrote down the numbers. Then he went to his study to make the calls. As he left, Esme came in to the lounge holding a plate.

“Are you feeling better?” she asked. “You gave us quite a scare.”

Bella looked embarrassed. “Sorry about that. I’m feeling much better now, though.”

“That’s good. I made you a sandwich. Carlisle said it was important that you eat again.”

“Oh, thanks. You didn’t need to do that. I know it smells bad.”

“I really don’t mind.” There was no doubting Esme’s sincerity; it radiated from her, as did her love.

Perhaps Bella felt it too as she struggled to her feet and slowly approached Esme, then tentatively wrapped her arms around her. Esme was momentarily frozen in place; even her thoughts were blank. Then she returned the embrace with exceptional gentleness. 

“Thank you,” Bella said quietly.

Esme’s thoughts were ecstatic. No. Thank you.

She patted her cheek clumsily then disappeared into the kitchen again, leaving me holding Bella’s sandwich.

Bella looked after her, a frown creasing her brow. “Did I upset her?”

“Not at all. You just made her very happy,” I assured her.

She looked doubtful, but didn’t question me further.

“Would you like to eat outside?” I asked. “The others are out there already.”

“That’d be good.”

She still looked a little unsteady, so I wrapped an arm around her and led her out onto the porch. Jasper and Emmett were tossing a baseball back and forth. They weren’t using their full force, but it was still too fast to be excusable as human. Bella watched them for a moment then shrugged. Alice and Rosalie had been loitering in the garage, but now we were out, they hurried to join us.

I handed Bella the plate, and she began eating with a little more enthusiasm than she had the crackers. I heard Carlisle hang up the phone in his study and wondered whether Charlie would call Renee first or Bella. Apparently he chose Renee, as Bella had finished her sandwich and drunk the glass of juice that Alice had brought her before her phone began ringing in her bag. I went to get it and brought out the glucose meter too.

Rosalie quirked a brow, but there was no harm in being cautious. If I had paid more attention in the first place, I would have known what was making Bella ill.

I handed her the phone, and she connected the call with an expression usually seen in the dentists waiting room.

“Hey, Dad.”

Charlie immediately began questioning her. She patiently explained everything that had happened, and how she felt.

“I’m fine now, Dad. Carlisle explained it all, right?”

“He did, but I want to hear it from you too. You’re going to see a real doctor tomorrow, right?”

“As opposed to the imaginary one you just spoke to?” she asked.

“Don’t be a smartass, Isabella. This is your health we are talking about.”

“I know that Charles.” She rolled her eyes. “And yes I am going to the doctor’s office tomorrow. But it’s really nothing to worry about. I just need to remember to eat.”

“Aren’t you writing it down?” he asked.

“I was, I guess I forgot. I was doing better though. I didn’t think I needed it anymore.” She was clearly upset at this fact. I took her hand and squeezed it gently.

“I know, sweetie. I understand it’s hard, but you have to take care of yourself,” Charlie said gently. “There’s a reason they taught you this stuff.”

I knew he was referring to the time in the rehabilitation center.

“I have to go now, Dad,” she said shortly. “I need to call Renee.”

“I already called her. She knows what happened.”

“Still, I should talk to her myself.” She said a curt goodbye and ended the call.

The others had slipped away while she was speaking to her father, and now she sagged against my arm tiredly.

She eyed the machine in my hand. “Do I have to do it again already?”

“No, we can wait a while. Do you want to call Renee?”

“No, I’ll call her later.” She looked out at the trees marking the border of our property. “Can we go for a walk?”

“Of course.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and let her lead me onto the trail.

We walked in silence for a while. She seemed deep in thought, and it wasn’t hard to imagine what was making her frown.

There was a felled tree at the side of the path, and she walked to it and sat down.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, sitting beside her.

“It sucks!” she burst out. “I’m so sick of this crap. Why can’t I remember?”

I knew she wasn’t speaking literally, so I kept silent, allowing her to vent her feelings.

“All these crappy notes, stupid methods. I don’t want to do this anymore. I thought I was doing well. I wasn’t getting so mixed up anymore. Turns out that was a load of crap, as I can’t even remember to eat without being reminded.”

I thought I understood. Until I went to Forks, I had been with her nearly every minute of the day. All the things she did as second nature before, like making herself notes, had been obsolete as I was there preempting her every move and making subtle reminders. I had thought I was helping her. When in truth, I had been making it worse.

“What did I do wrong?” she asked plaintively. “Why did this have to happen to me?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said, lifting her chin to meet my eye. “It’s just life. I know it’s not fair, but you did nothing to deserve this.”

“I lost a whole year,” she said sadly. “An entire year of my life, just wiped away.”

“You may get it back though, right? There is nothing to say that the memories won’t return eventually.”

Though what I would do if they did, I didn’t know. She would learn the truth behind all my lies, and I could lose her all over again.

“I thought I was remembering once. I used to have dreams, really vivid dreams, and I thought they were memories, but they didn’t make sense. The doctors told me to be patient, if it’s supposed to happen it will. I don’t want to be patient anymore!”

I could save her this pain. I could tell her exactly what she had happened to her in the year she lost, how I had loved her and then left her. But would it be to ease her mind or my own? I was saved from making a decision by the advantageous ringing of her phone.

She glanced at the display and groaned before answering. “Hi, Mom.”

Renee’s frantic voice filled the air as we wandered back toward the house together. Bella inserted reassuring words whenever Renee paused for breath, which wasn’t often. The longer the call went on, the more morose Bella became. By the time we were back at the house, she looked thoroughly defeated. I led her into the lounge where Carlisle and Esme were talking quietly.

“Hold on a minute, Mom,” she said, then covered the receiver and looked pleadingly at Carlisle. “Can you talk to her, please?”

“Certainly,” he said.

She handed over the phone and sagged against me.

“Are you okay, Bella?” Esme asked. “Are you feeling unwell again?”

“I’m just tired,” she sighed.

Carlisle saw my anxiety and reminded me that it was normal to feel fatigue after a hypoglycemic attack. He turned his attention back to the call, and with confidence perfected over centuries as a physician, calmed Renee’s fears.

“Let me give you my number, so you can call me if you have any more questions,” Carlisle said, reciting our number to Renee.

“He’s going to regret that,” Bella cautioned. “Renee will be calling him every five minutes.”

“He won’t mind,” Esme said. “He’s happy to help.”

Carlisle ended the call and handed Bella her phone.

“Would you mind giving me a ride home?” she asked. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to ride my bike today.”

“Of course, are you ready to go now?”

She nodded. “I’m sorry this hasn’t been quite the visit you envisioned.”

“It’s fine,” Carlisle said. “It was nice to see you again.”

“You are always welcome here,” Esme said.

Bella smiled and thanked them for their help, then allowed me to lead her out to the Volvo. The ride back to her house was silent; she rested her head against the window and watched the scenery pass with unfocused eyes. When we got back to her house, she slumped down on the couch, hugging the bear I had brought her.

“Are you okay, love?” I asked.

“Not really. I’m not feeling ill.” She hurried to assure me, seeing my anxious expression. “I’m just feeling sorry for myself. It’ll pass.”

“I don’t like seeing you unhappy.”

“Then you should be grateful you didn’t know me before. I was a wreck after the accident. It was only Jacob that saved me from being a complete basket case.”

“Maybe you should call him,” I suggested.

I had told Charlie I would talk to her about Jacob, and I knew I owed him. More than that, I suspected he was who she needed at the moment. As much as I loved her, I hadn’t been there for these things. He would know better how to talk to her about it.

“You’re probably right,” she sighed.

“Would you like me to leave while you call him?” I asked, wanting to give her privacy to make the call.

“If you don’t mind, and if you promise to come back later.”

“I promise.” I kissed her chastely and went to the hall to get her phone. “You talk to Jacob. I’ll be back in a few hours, and I will bring you something for dinner. No argument,” I added, seeing her mutinous look. 

“No argument. I’m too tired to argue.”

I made a mental note to stop by a pharmacy while I was out. She would need a glucose monitoring kit, and it would probably be wise to have one to spare in my bag.

I kissed her goodbye and left. As I got to the car, I heard Jacob’s excited voice as he answered the phone.

Trusting her to his comfort, I pulled away from the house and headed back into town.

Chapter Text

Bella POV

Edward pulled out of the drive just as Jacob answered the phone.

“Bella! I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to say it … hey, are you okay?”

The moment I heard his familiar voice, I lost the battle I had been fighting against my emotions all day and burst into tears.

“What happened?”

“B-b-bad day,” I choked. “Just a bad day.”

“Tell me all about it.”

Sniveling and sobbing I explained all that had happened that day, the embarrassment of fainting in full view of Edward’s whole family, Charlie’s well meaning words, and the disappointment I felt when I realized things weren’t getting better as I had hoped.

“Well, it sucks and all,” he said when I finished my explanation. “But could be worse.”

“How?” I demanded. “How could it possibly be worse?”

“You could have acne too.”

I laughed. Jacob always knew how to make me feel better.

“I’ve missed you,” I said.

“Yeah me too. I’m really sorry about what I said; I was being an asshole.”

“Yes, you were,” I agreed.

“I hear it didn’t make any difference anyway, according to Charlie, you and Cullen are all loved up.”

“I’m sorry Jake. I know you hoped … well, you’re like a brother to me.”

“Sure, sure, that’s what every guy likes to hear. One question though, then I’ll shut up about it; does he make you happy?”

“Happier than I have ever been in my life,” I said fervently.

“Okay then.” There was a long silence. I could clearly picture him stretched out on the couch, his brow furrowed as he tried to think what to say next.

“So what have you been up to?” I asked.

“Nothing exciting, hanging with the guys, school, the usual. Got a shock last night though, Charlie shows up and starts questioning my dad about how to discuss sex with his daughter; he wanted to know how dad dealt with the twins. Dad told him he got Sue to talk to them. If you get an awkward phone call from Sue, you’ll know why.”

I giggled. “Poor Charlie.”

“Poor Charlie? More like poor Jacob. After your dad left, Billy tried to have the talk with me; it was the most uncomfortable half-hour of my life. In the end, I had to tell him he was three weeks too late with the advice just to shut him up.”

I sat bolt upright. “Seriously! Who?”

“Like I’m going to tell you that,” he scoffed. “You don’t tell me the details of your relationship with carrot top; why should I tell you mine?”

“First of all, he’s not a carrot top, his hair is bronze, and second, do you want me to share the details?”

“No!” he blurted. “There aren’t any details though, are there?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

His tone became somber. “You need to be careful, Bella. He’s a lot … taller than you. You could be hurt.”

“Yes, of course. I had forgotten the perils of mixed height relationships. I could get a crick in my neck looking up at him.”

“I’m serious, Bella,” he chided. “You need to be careful.”

I had a sneaking suspicion that there was more to this than simple concern. Jacob knew more about the Cullens than he was letting on. He could have noticed the same things I had about them, but he seemed to know more than I did.

I felt a dim memory teasing at the edges of my consciousness. I struggled to seize it, but like so many times before, it slipped away from me.

“Are you still there?” Jacob’s worried voice asked, and I realized I had been silent too long.

“Yeah, I’m here and very confused. Is there something you want to tell me, Jacob?”

“There is plenty I want to tell you. I just don’t know if you want to hear it.”

“Differences?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. Do you want to know?”

“No,” I said firmly. “If I have got this far without knowing, it is probably for a good reason.”

“If you say so. You change your mind; you know where to find me. But remember what I said, you need to be careful.”

How careful? I needed to ask Edward these things. I wasn’t ready to move our relationship on physically, not yet at least. Though it felt like a lot longer, it had actually been less than two months since we had met. We both needed more time together before we took that step; if we even could. I hadn’t considered how his differences would affect that part of our relationship.

“I will,” I said eventually. “Now, let’s change the subject. How is everyone on the rez? I miss you all.”

“Everyone is okay. We are missing you, though. You’re coming home for Thanksgiving, right?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Oh come on,” he whined. “You can’t be thinking of staying there in that pokey little house all on your own.

“My house isn’t pokey. It’s perfect, but I wasn’t thinking of staying here anyway. I was thinking about Renee. If I spend Thanksgiving in Forks, I’ll need to go to Florida for Christmas. You decide, I can be there for a few days or wait a few weeks longer and then you’ll have a month.”

He considered for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of each. “I can wait,” he said finally. “You can go to Florida for Thanksgiving.”

“Thanks for the permission,” I quipped.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

I stretched out on the couch, sure that Jacob was doing the exact same thing three-thousand miles away.

“I do. So let’s talk about you and Leah. Was it the start of something special or a drunken mistake?”

“How do you know it was her?” he demanded.

I laughed. “Because I know you too well.”

I listened to his defensive explanation and reassurances that it wasn’t going to happen again, just enjoying the sound of his voice. I had missed him more than I knew.

xXx

When Edward returned that evening, I was dozing on the couch. I was woken by soft kisses and his velvet voice whispering in my ear. I struggled back into wakefulness, aided by his cool lips and the tempting smell of chinese food. 

I was going to protest his presence while I ate, but the look he gave me was so pitiful, I didn’t have the heart. Instead, I opened a window and made him sit on the other side of the room. When I finished, he produced a package containing a machine like the one Carlisle had used earlier.

“I know it’s not fun,” he said, seeing my frown. “But it is important. I got you a pink one.”

I snorted. “Pink, do I look like a pink person?”

“I guess not. I can change it if you like. I just thought it was colorful and …”

“And?”

“Pretty,” he mumbled.

I laughed and moved to the arm of his chair. “It is very pretty and a very sweet thought. Thank you.”

He swept me onto his lap and nuzzled into my neck. “What do you want to do tonight?” 

“Actually, I had some things I wanted to talk to you about.”

His lips stilled in the path they were tracing along my throat. “You do?”

“I do. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I just wanted to ask about your family.”

He swept me into his arms and moved us over to the couch; he sat sideways so he was facing me. “What about them?”

“Well, I’m trying to understand. They are your family aren’t they? Even with the ‘differences’” I made air quotes around the word.

“They are. We may not be biologically related, but Esme and Carlisle are the closest thing to parents I have, and Alice, Rose, Jasper, and Emmett are my brothers and sisters. We may be a little unconventional, but the relationships are real.”

I nodded. “I can see that. But Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, they aren’t just dating are they?”

“No, they are married but for our …” He paused, searching for the right words. “For people like us, it is a little more complicated than marriage. Once we find a partner, it is a lasting bond. It can only be separated by death.”

“Is that the same for you? I mean, am I a distraction before you find your ‘partner’?”

He flinched as if I had struck him. “Never a distraction,” he whispered.

He took my hands in mine and pressed a kiss to my palms and stared into my eyes. “You are my partner. There will never be anyone else for me.”

“Do I have a choice? If I am your partner does it mean that’s it for me too?”

“No, you absolutely have a choice. It is just for me that it is so finite. You are human. You have the choices of your kind. But for me, you are it. If I was to lose you …”

He fell silent. His eyes looked haunted as if he was seeing something far beyond my small lounge.

“If you lost me?” I knew it was hurting him to talk about these things, but I had to know.

“It would kill me too,” he whispered.

My mind reeled; this was so much to take in, possibly too much. I knew I loved him and couldn’t imagine being without him, but to be tied so completely to someone …

What if something happened to me? It had happened before. I could fall while running. I could get hit by a car. I could walk down the wrong street at night.

I didn’t realize I was hyperventilating until I heard his words. “Deep breaths, Bella. You’re okay.”

“What if something happens to me?” I gasped.

“Nothing is going to happen to you,” he promised. “I won’t let it.”

“But what if I forget you? I did before.”

His eyes widened, and there was something more than confusion in his expression. “You forgot me before?”

“No, not you.” I shook my head to clear it. I didn’t understand why I had said that. “I forgot Jacob, though, and my friends, all the people I knew from Forks. I lost them all.”

“If you forget me, I will remind you,” he promised.

“This is so much.” My hands were twisting in my lap.

“Too much?” he asked.

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I love you and want to be with you, but things happen. What if something happens to me and you can’t be with me. I don’t want you to die.”

“I said it wrong,” he sighed, raking his hands through his hair. He seemed to come to some realization as he sat up and looked me in the eye. “If I can’t be with you, it will hurt me, but as long as you are somewhere in the world living your life, I can live too. If you were gone, I swear death would be a mercy. You still have a choice. If you asked me to, I would leave you and let you live your life. I love you enough to leave.”

His words were sincere and heartfelt, and it eased my panic somewhat. I didn’t want him to leave. The very thought of it made my heart ache, but at least it wasn’t as absolute as I thought. As long as I lived, so could he.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked quietly.

“Never,” I said fervently. As much as it scared me to have his life tied so closely to mine, I couldn’t be without him either.

He exhaled a great gust of air, and the haunted look in his eyes disappeared.

“Now that we have established that neither of us can be without the other, what do you want to do?” I asked, forcing lightness into my tone. 

“I am happy to do whatever you want, wherever you want,” he said.

“Can you stay tonight?” I asked. “I know you don’t sleep, and I said no more sleepovers, but I don’t want to be away from you yet. Will you just lay with me?”

He beamed. “Nothing would make me happier.”

xXx

“There’s a party and I want to go,” Alice announced, sliding gracefully in the chair beside me.

“Hello to you too, Alice,” Edward said dryly.

It had been three weeks since my little episode at the Cullens house and our resulting conversation, and I was happier than ever before.

I’d visited a doctor the next day and endured a long lecture on the importance of regular meals and how to monitor blood glucose levels. Charlie and Renee had stopped panicking and Edward had stopped stabbing me with lancets at every available opportunity. I had grudgingly returned to the notes and phone memos to keep me from forgetting things and was only a little bitter about it.

Edward stayed with me every night, just lying beside me as I slept and driving me to school every morning. I was a little nervous about riding my bike since the second fainting spell.

Since the temperature had dropped, lunchtimes were now spent indoors. I refused to let the others suffer through the odor of human food for the sake of keeping me company. As they didn’t see us at lunch, I would visit with them in the evening, either at my house or theirs. I liked going to his house, as then I could see his parents too.

I had fallen in love with his mom. It was impossible not to. She was the sweetest person I had ever met. Carlisle was much nicer than my first impression of him showed. He had an amazing library with some interesting books on psychology he lent me. He apparently had a special interest in neurology. I had a feeling Edward’s presence was the only thing keeping him from questioning me about my amnesia and making me look at ink blots.

My trip to Florida was all planned. Edward hadn’t been happy when I told him I was going away. He had offered to come with me, then pouted all evening when I said no. As much as I loved him, I wanted some time with my Mom alone. I had learnt that it was hard to focus on much else when he was with me.

Apparently the prospect of being separated for five days in the future meant he had to bank as much time together while he could. Not that I was complaining. I loved being with him, but it did lead to moments like today when one of his family interrupted what he called ‘our time’.

“Technically it is less of a party and more of a ball,” Alice said happily, ignoring Edward’s scowl. “Just before Christmas break.”

“If it’s before Christmas break, why are we talking about it now?” I asked. “We haven’t even got through Thanksgiving yet.”

His scowl deepened at the mention of Thanksgiving and I kissed his cheek. “It’s only five days.”

“That’s five days too many,” he murmured, burying his face in my hair.

“Can you two quit with the nauseating cuteness and focus please?” Alice said. “I’m talking about a ball.”

“And I ask again: why are we talking about it now?”

“Because we need to buy dresses and that takes time,” Alice explained as if I was a little simple. “So are you going to come?”

“What do you think?” I asked Edward. “Do you want to go?”

He considered thoughtfully. “A formal, with ball gowns and corsages?”

Alice nodded enthusiastically.

“That does sound tempting.” He gave my outfit an appraising glance. “I have yet to see you in anything remotely resembling a dress.”

“That’s because I don’t wear them,” I said, ignoring Alice’s shocked gasp. “I can make an exception for you though, just this once.”

He grinned. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fun. I’ve never been to a formal before. I skipped my prom and partied on the beach with the guys instead. I’ll need help with the dress shopping though. Alice, you game?”

She nodded, her eyes dancing with excitement. “I need to talk to Rose. I think we’ll need to go into the city …”

“You go talk to Rosalie,” Edward suggested. “And I can have my girlfriend back.”

She huffed. “Fine, but only because it smells so foul in here. You need to learn to share.”

Edward waved her away, nuzzling my ear.

“I don’t want to share,” he whispered.

“That’s okay. I don’t always want to be shared.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

“She’s late,” I said stonily.

“Which, of course, is entirely her fault,” Alice said sarcastically. “I bet she’s in the cockpit right now, asking the pilot to go a little slower just to keep you waiting.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t say it was her fault, I just said she was late.”

Alice had volunteered to give me a ride to the airport to meet Bella, so we could – to use Alice’s words – ‘canoodle in the backseat all the way home’.

It was a sweet gesture, but would have been a little sweeter if I didn’t know she was doing this so I couldn’t whisk Bella away to her house as soon as she landed, and keep her to myself.

I had missed Bella terribly while she was gone; it seemed impossible that I had lived without her for two years, when I was desperate after two days. The family had finally grown tired of my moping, and I had been banished to Bella’s house.

She had given me a house key weeks ago in case of emergencies, and had told me I was welcome to ‘hang around the house and talk to Grey’ if I was lonely. I had resisted the urge to talk to her teddy bear, but had taken the opportunity to immerse myself in her scent and curl up on her bed at night, pretending she was there too.

“She’s landed,” Alice said, pointing at the arrivals board.

I smiled. She was almost here; just a little longer.

The wait between her landing, and coming through the gate seemed to last longer than the five days she had been away. I was close to vaulting the barrier and going to find her when she came through, her rucksack slung over one shoulder, and a beaming smile in place.

When she reached me, I swept her into my arms. Our mismatched height meant her feet hung a few inches off the ground, but she didn’t seem to mind any more than I did. I nuzzled my face into her neck, taking deep lungfuls of her scent.

“I missed you so much,” I breathed.

“Me too.”

“Hey Bella,” Alice greeted.

Bella waved vaguely, pressing kisses to my cheeks.

“If you two can pry yourselves apart for a minute, we can go back to the car, and you will have the entire journey to the house to reacquaint lips,” Alice said impatiently.

Bella giggled. “Which house?” she asked, extricating herself from my grip.

“Our house,” Alice said. “Esme has ordered dinner for you, and Emmett has picked out a DVD. It’s some lame action movie, but I’m guessing you aren’t going to be paying much attention to the plot anyway.”

“You’re probably right,” she said happily. “Let’s get going then, I’m hungry.”

“Did you–”

“Yes, I ate. Yes, I have been monitoring my blood sugar, and no, I haven’t been ill at all,” she said, preempting my questions.

“Well let’s get you back so you can eat.” I wrapped an arm around her waist, and we followed Alice out to the car.

I noticed her rubbing her stomach absentmindedly as we walked, but she shook her head at my questioning glance.

Alice giggled, drawing our gaze. I didn’t know what had amused her as she was blocking her thoughts, but Bella frowned.

“Have you been spying, Alice?” she asked.

“Not spying. Sometimes things just come and I can’t stop them,” she said innocently.

“Liar,” I coughed.

“Okay fine, maybe I looked a little, but only because I was worried, and–”

“Because you can’t help yourself?” Bella suggested. “You need to learn some self-control. It’s invasive and rude.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I really was worried though. You didn’t answer the phone when I called.”

I didn’t know she had called Bella. Why hadn’t she told me was worried?

Alice caught my frown and paused in her recitation of the periodic table of elements to explain. Because then you would have worried, too.

“That’s why I have voicemail,” Bella said.

Alice twisted in her seat. “Are you really mad?” She was pulling out the puppy dog eyes; unfortunately for her, Bella seemed immune.

“Yes. If you can keep quiet about what you saw and promise not to do it again, I will forgive you.” 

My curiosity was almost unbearable now. What had Alice seen?

“How about I promise not to do it unless it’s a real emergency?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Define emergency.”

“If we’re really worried.”

“That sounds fair, but no more peeking without cause.”

“Promise.”

I didn’t need to read her thoughts to know that Alice was already trying to find a loophole in their deal.

“I mean it, Alice,” Bella said sternly. “If I find out you’ve been peeking, I’ll go to the ball in my leathers.”

“Leathers?” I croaked.

“Yep, leathers. Renee gave me an early Christmas present.” She leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “They’re black.”

Oh dear Lord.

We did indeed spend the ride to the house reacquainting lips, and it still wasn’t nearly long enough.

Alice cleared her throat loudly – and unnecessarily – as we pulled into the driveway. “I’m sure you are enjoying yourselves, but unless you want Emmett’s commentary on your technique, you might want to come up for air.”

Sure enough, as Alice pulled to a stop outside the house, Emmett came barreling out of the house. “Hey Bella, did you get me a present?” he asked excitedly.

“I did, but can I get inside before giving it to you?”

“Sure.” He grinned.

He swept her into a fireman’s lift and ran her into the house; her laughter was almost as loud as his.

“Emmett, give me back my girlfriend,” I demanded, running after them.

“No can do, little bro,” he said, circling the piano to evade me. “This is too much fun.”

“If you don’t put me down, I’m going to hurl,” Bella warned him.

“Gross.” He set her down and ran to the other side of the room.

“Are you going to be ill?” I asked.

“No, but it got him to put me down.” She smiled devilishly and exchanged greetings with the rest of the family, who had been drawn down by Emmett’s noisy escapades.

“Presents! Presents! Presents!” Emmett chanted.

“Emmett, don’t be rude,” Esme chided, then addressed Bella. “Did you have a nice trip?”

“Yeah, it was great. Renee tried to cook Thanksgiving dinner, it was a disaster. Phil tried to eat said disaster and got food poisoning.”

“That doesn’t sound great,” Alice said with a frown.

“It was, though. Renee is kinda unique; I guess you have to know her to appreciate it.  Anyway, presents.” She rooted through her rucksack, pulling out six brightly-decorated cans and throwing them to each of us. I caught mine and examined it.

“It’s canned sunshine,” she said, seeing our confused expressions. “Genuine Florida sunshine.”

Jasper chuckled. She brought a family of vampires sunshine. You gotta admit it’s ironic.

I smiled; it was ironic, but also very sweet.

“Where’s mine?” Emmett pouted.

“I didn’t get you one,” she said. “I got you something a little different.” She tossed him a baseball cap.

“Florida Police Department,” he said, reading the insignia.

“Yeah, I took it from my arresting officer after Renee posted bail,” she said lightly.

“You were arrested?” I gasped.

“How was I to know there would be a cop around?” she said innocently. “If you ask me, they overreacted; it wasn’t like I was completely naked. It was a hot day, I was doing the responsible thing by dancing in that fountain. I was preventing heat stroke. The indecent exposure charges will never stick.”

My mate got arrested for indecent exposure! My mate was naked in a fountain, and was arrested! My mate was naked, and I missed it!

Carlisle was the first to regain the power of speech. “Oh… well, yes, I can see why it would have seemed like a good idea.” He was worried about the consequences of an arrest on her record.

She burst out laughing. “I’m screwing with you. Phil’s buddy is a cop, he gave it to me, and I thought Emmett would appreciate it. I wasn’t arrested. Honest.” She beamed.

Emmett roared with laughter and pulled on the cap. “You rock.”

“I like to think so,” she said with a wide grin.

You might want to close your mouth now, Jasper advised. And if you could tone down the lust a little, I’d be grateful.

I snapped my mouth shut and stared at Emmett with concentration. I had learned that he was the best cure for times like this. Unfortunately, he had noticed.

Got a little problem, Edward? Not to worry, I’ll help you out. He began flashing images of a scantily clad Rosalie through his head. It was as effective as a bucket of cold water.

“Thanks, Em,” I whispered.

Anytime.

“I’ve ordered Italian for you, is that okay?” Esme asked.

“Sounds perfect,” Bella said. “Have I got time to freshen up first? I feel all icky from the flight.”

“Yeah, you’ve got plenty of time,” Alice answered. “I’ll come with you.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Fine. You coming, Rose?”

Rosalie looked just as confused as I felt, but followed them up the stairs to Alice’s bathroom.

“Does anyone know what that’s about?” I asked, and received blank stares in response. Rosalie had joined Alice in the thought blocking, though unlike Alice, she chose to use the naked form of Emmett to keep me out.

Having seen quite enough disturbing images of my siblings for one day, I pulled from her mind, and concentrated on keeping them all out instead.

Sometimes it was not easy being a mind reader.

xXx

“I want to talk about sex,” I announced.

It wasn’t exactly how I had planned to broach the subject, but I had spent all day girding myself for this conversation, and the anxiety had gotten the better of me.

Carlisle managed to keep his features serene, but his thoughts showed his shock.

He had suggested we hunt together, while Alice and Rosalie spent the evening with Bella. Apparently, there were some preparations to be made before the ball tomorrow. I hadn’t been told details, but they had been carrying an array of beauty cases, and, most worrying of all, a container of hot wax when I had been banished from Bella’s house.

“You are concerned about Bella’s safety?” he asked, rather redundantly, in my opinion; when was I ever not worried about that?

“I am. We have discussed the subject between ourselves, but I want your advice.”

Discussed was actually a pretty tame term for what had happened. We had been entwined on Bella’s couch, as we usually were whenever we had privacy, when Bella had proclaimed her desire to talk about sex.

When I had regained my faculties – she had to close my mouth for me – she had asked how my differences would affect us if we were to make love. I had explained that there would be issues to overcome, most of all my strength and unyielding flesh, but it was possible.

“It would take extraordinary control,” Carlisle said thoughtfully. “You would have to be very careful, but if any of us could do it, it would be you.”

“But would she be safe?”

“Yes. As long as you can manage your strength, there is no reason you should not be able to have a physical relationship. Tanya and her sisters manage it with males they have no real attachment to. You love Bella, you would be even more conscious of her human weaknesses.”

I nodded. It was what I already knew, but I had needed Carlisle’s reassurances.

“Forgive me for asking, but how do you feel about this yourself?” he asked. “I know we have never discussed this openly, but I rather thought you would share the beliefs of your era. In all other things, you seem to keep to the morality of that time.”

“I do. I mean, I did. If you had asked me this when I was with Bella before, I would have said that I would never even consider it before we were married.”

“And now?”

“Now that I don’t have the temptation of her scent, I am struggling with other temptations. Bella is my life; I see what we have now as more binding than any marriage could be. I still plan to ask for her hand when the time is right, but it is not that time yet.”

“What about aging? She is aging and you are not. I know she has professed the desire to remain uninformed of our exact nature – and I applaud the maturity that choice shows – but sooner or later these things will need to be addressed.”

“I am aware of it. At the moment, I am trying to respect her choice, but as you say, it is going to become obvious soon.”

“Have you thought more about offering her the change?”

“I have barely done anything else. God forgive me, but I want her to be changed. I want her forever, and I want her safe. I am scared all the time, that something will happen to her. What should I do?”

I had no real expectations that he would know what to say, but as with all things in life, I looked to Carlisle to guide me.

“I think you should wait. I believe you and Bella are fated to be together; everything that has happened since the day you met her convinces me of it. Two years after you were separated, she came back into your life. Of all the colleges she could have chosen, she came here, to the town we were living in. I think it is fated that she will find out the truth, and you will be able to make the decision whether to change her together.” 

“Thank you, Carlisle,” I said with feeling. “Not just for this, but for everything.”

“You are most welcome. Now, shall we hunt? I imagine the girls are going to be busy for a few more hours yet.”

I nodded and we separated, each following the scent of our chosen prey.

xXx

Carlisle was right, it wasn’t until four hours later that Rosalie and Alice finally left Bella’s house. She was already in bed when I got there, but she was awake and waiting for me, stretched out on the covers.

“Your sisters are evil,” she said by way of a greeting.

“I agree. They have kept me from you for far too long.”

“At least you weren’t enduring their so-called beautification. I’ve been plucked and waxed for hours; you’re lucky they left the hair on my head.”

I kissed up her arm, relishing in the warmth of her skin. “It was a wasted effort, you were already beautiful,” I said, resting at the curve of her elbow. “I spoke to Carlisle tonight.”

“That’s nice,” she said vaguely.

“I spoke to him about our physical situation.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh. What did he say?”

“He said if we are careful, there is no reason we should not be able to make love.” I stared at her, watching for her reaction.

“Well that’s good. How careful are we talking? Because I have condoms; Renee sent me back with a bunch after Thanksgiving, and I am on the pill.”

“They will not be necessary, my ‘difference’ would render them useless. It’s me that needs to be careful; I am a lot stronger than you, and you would have to swear to tell me if I hurt you.”

“Right, strong and a safe word. Anything else I need to know?” she asked blithely.

“No, I don’t think so.” I felt a little perturbed by her calm reaction. 

“Good, I have something I want to show you.”

“Am I about to discover what you did in Florida?” I asked excitedly.

I had been asking her to tell me multiple times a day since she returned, and every time she had refused. Alice had ceased blocking her thoughts, but she was careful never to think about it.

“You are. I was going to wait until after the ball, but given your conversation with Carlisle, I am guessing you will be too distracted by other things to get the full effect.”

Well, that answered that question. I had been wondering when we would move from theoretical to actual, and apparently I had my answer. After the ball.

“So what did you do in Florida?” I asked.

She grinned wickedly and inched up her tank top, exposing her stomach.

“What are you… oh my.”

On Bella’s creamy expanse of toned stomach was now etched a perfect blue flower. It was small, sitting just above her navel, and it was quite possibly the most erotic thing I had ever seen.

“You got a tattoo!” I gasped.

“Yep, what do you think?”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks. It’s a forget-me-not; I thought it was appropriate.”

I ran a finger over her stomach. Her skin quivered beneath my touch. “I love it,” I breathed.

“Alice thought you would; I’m surprised she managed to keep it quiet so long. She wanted me to show you the day I got home, but I wanted it to heal first.”

“I’m glad you waited.” I pressed a soft kiss to the flower. “The anticipation was well worth it.”

“Cool. How do you feel about piercings? I’m thinking of getting that done next.”

Oh dear Lord, please don’t let her be joking.

The ball suddenly felt like an eternity away. 

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I paced the length of Bella’s driveway, listening to the giggles emanating from inside.

Rosalie and Alice were helping Bella prepare for the ball together, and I had been summarily dismissed when I arrived to pick her up. I was only a little early, but I had been informed by Rosalie that there was still plenty to do, and I should go play with my car.

I had sat in the car for a while, but soon grew tired of that. I hoped if they heard my pacing, it might make them hurry; I was wrong.

I wanted to start the evening already; this was my last chance to be with her properly before the Christmas break. She was leaving for Forks in the morning, and would be there for almost a month. I had tried to persuade her to come to Alaska with the family, even if only for a short break, but she refused. She was looking forward to seeing Charlie and her friends in La Push.

After the nightmare that was her trip to Florida, I wasn’t prepared to have her so far from me again. Unbeknownst to her, we were going to be staying in our Forks house for the break. We had called the Alpha of the pack to inform him that we would be in the area for a short time, and had received an angry phone call from Jacob in return. He seemed to think I was trying to infringe on his time with her. I explained that we were going to be staying out of sight, merely there for her protection. It had made him a little more agreeable, but still not happy.

I was going to be staying out of sight. I had no intention of falling into what Emmett called ‘my old stalker ways’, but I had to be close to her. I wanted to tell her the truth, but didn’t think she would be pleased to know we had a property in the area, too. Even if she didn’t work out that we had known her before, she would assume we had bought it merely to be close to her, and I had noticed that one thing she felt as strongly about as not knowing our secrets, was maintaining her independence. She would see it as coddling if she knew I had trailed her across the country, though it truly wasn’t. It was myself that I did it for, I needed to be close to her.

After a torturous amount of time, Alice and Rosalie finally left, and I was allowed in.

“I’ll be right down,” Bella called from the bedroom.

Her bags were packed and piled beside the stairs, ready for me to take them, and her, to the airport in the morning.  The bear I had brought her was perched on top of the bags.

“So, what do you think?” she asked, twirling at the top of the stairs.

My mouth dropped open. She looked absolutely breathtaking; her dress was a simple and elegant deep red gown.

She came down the stairs a little unsteadily, owing to the heels she was wearing. It made me smile to think that even with her new improved poise, she wasn’t comfortable in heels.

“You look amazing,” I breathed.

“Thank you. You look pretty good yourself.” She gripped the lapels of my jacket and pulled me down for a kiss. “I like you in a suit. Would you object to wearing one every day?”

“No.”

She giggled. “The worrying thing is that I think you really would do it.”

“Are you ready to go?” I asked. “I have surprise for you.”

“Yep.”

I covered her eyes and led her outside. I lifted her down the steps – perhaps a little too fast, as her heart stuttered – and stood her in front of the car. I had finally found the right time to show her the Aston Martin. 

I uncovered her eyes, and her mouth dropped open. “Holy crap!”

“Not a dad car?”

“Not remotely a dad car; that is freaking hot.” She grinned. “Can I drive.”

I gulped. “You want to drive?”

“Yeah, unless you don’t trust me to.” She shrugged sadly. “It is a very expensive car, I understand why you wouldn’t want to risk it. Shall we go?”

She plodded round to the passenger door. Her shoulders were slumped, and her expression downcast; I had really upset her.

“No, I mean yes, you can drive. I absolutely, most definitely trust you enough to drive.”

“Awesome.” She tottered back around the car and snatched the keys from my hand. She gave me a wicked grin, and I realized I had just been played.

My chagrin at the manipulation vanished when I slid into the passenger seat and saw just how good she looked behind the wheel. If I was not a gentleman, I would have pulled her straight from the car and up to the bedroom. However, I was a gentleman, so I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the way her skirt rode up as she pressed down on the accelerator. 

Thankfully, it didn’t take long to get to the venue, so my self control wasn’t too sorely tested.

I kept expecting an ‘Old Bella’ reaction to rear its head, but she seemed to be drinking it all in. From the fairy lights strung from trees on the path, to the tacky streamers hanging from the ceiling, her smile never faded.

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were already there and waiting at a table for us.

“Whoa, Bella, you look…” Emmett’s initial choice of word ‘hot’ would likely have earned him a kick from Rosalie, which he realized just in time. “…Pretty,” he finished lamely.

“Thanks Em, you look pretty too,” she replied

Jasper snorted, drawing her eye.

“Don’t worry, Jasper,” she said. “You aren’t pretty; you look very handsome.”

“How come he’s handsome and I’m pretty?” Emmett asked.

“Good breeding,” Jasper quipped, earning himself a grin from Bella.

He hadn’t developed much of a relationship with her, which he regretted. Unfortunately, her scent was no less potent to him than it was before, and he was leery of getting too close. She may not remember the events of her birthday party, but the rest of us did.

“So, what did you think of the Vanquish?” Rosalie asked.

“It was awesome. The feeling of that much power at your feet... wow.”

“He let you drive!” Alice demanded. “He never lets anyone drive.”

“I had to guilt him into it, but it was totally worth it.”

Emmett grinned. Man, you are whipped.

I nodded. There was no denying it, Bella owned me.

xXx

Bella POV

For my first formal dance, I was pretty sure I had hit the jackpot. This was brilliant. From the moment I slid into the driving seat of the Vanquish, to dancing with Edward, I hadn’t stopped smiling once.

The ball was winding down, and the dance floor had been surrendered to couples for the slow dances.

I was encased in Edward’s arms, resting my head on his chest, as he gently led me across the floor.

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“Blissfully,” I sighed. “I have never been happier.”

I never imagined that I could be so happy. It sometimes felt like I was living in a dream that would come to an abrupt end at any moment.

As the song came to a finish, I lifted my head from his chest. “Shall we go home?”

He nodded, and led me back to our table to collect his jacket and my purse. I said my goodbyes to the others, whom I would not see until I returned from Forks, and followed him out to the car.

The ride home seemed to be over too fast, perhaps because of what was coming after. All too soon I was unlocking the front door and leading him in.

“Do you want a drink or anything?” he asked.

I couldn’t pinpoint his expression; he looked almost afraid. With dawning understanding, I realized he was nervous.

I had been fighting panic the entire drive home, but somehow seeing his nerves made my own disappear.

“No thank you.” I reached out for his hand and led him into the lounge. Guiding him onto the couch, I sat across his lap and cupped his cheeks in my hands. “Are you okay?”

He nodded.

“You look scared.”

“I am scared of hurting you,” he whispered.

“I’m not.” His eyes widened in response. “I trust you. You have been with me all this time, and have never hurt me once. I don’t think you could.”

There was something almost haunted in his eyes. I hadn’t seen him look like this in a long time, and it made him look vulnerable.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing, I’m fine, just concerned for you.”

I took his hand and pressed it against my breast. “You won’t hurt me.”

He stared at his own hand, then with careful movements, he caressed me gently. It was so light I barely felt it, but it still sent desire crashing through me.

“See, you can do this.” I whispered huskily. “I trust–“

My words were cut off as he swept me up in his arms and raced us up to the bedroom. He set me on my feet, then his lips met mine in a searing kiss.

His nerves seemed to have disappeared too; there was nothing tentative in his gaze as he circled me.

I felt his hands at my back as he eased down the zipper of my dress, then he slowly turned me so I was facing him. He swept my hair over my shoulder, and traced a fingertip from my cheek down my neck, and to my left breast. My nipple hardened through the sheer fabric, and I fought back the moan that wanted to rise in me.

I slid the dress from my shoulders, exposing my naked chest to his ravenous stare.

“Tell me if you want to stop,” he said.

I looked deep into his eyes. “Never. I will never want to stop.”

He cupped my breasts in his strong hands and brushed his thumbs against my nipples. His cool touch sent waves of electricity through me; it felt like every nerve in my body was alive and begging for his touch.

My head fell back, and he pressed a lingering kiss to my neck, running his cool tongue along my throat. His touch moved from my chest to my sides, his fingers trailing a burning path to the hem of my panties. I moved my hands to meet his, and together we pushed them slowly past my hips, then let them drop to the floor.

With shaking hands, I unbuttoned his shirt and let my hands explore the hard planes of his chest. He pulled off his pants, leaving only the thin cotton of his shorts between us.

My fingers brushed against his nipple, and I heard a low growl escape his chest. Emboldened by his reaction, I pushed against his chest, directing him onto the bed. He pulled me down with him so I was lying across his chest. I could feel his prominent erection against my core. Even though it was as cold as the rest of his marble skin, it felt like it was burning me. I moved against him, creating the most delicious friction.

“Oh God, Edward.” I was unable to restrain my guttural moan. I shifted so I was kneeling against him, and my hips rocked instinctively. I relished the electricity building between our bodies.

He raised his hands and cupped my breasts. My back arched, pressing them into his hands. I could feel the wetness pooling, and watched, entranced, as he slid a finger between my legs. As it brushed against my clit, I bucked into his hand.

“Easy, love. I want to take my time with you,” he said.

Gripping my ass, he stood, then laid me on the bed and dropped to his knees before me. My legs spread open without conscious instruction; all my reactions seemed instinctive in that moment. He gently shifted my legs over his shoulders. With slow, gentle movements, he opened me up to him and traced his tongue along my entrance, resting at my clit.

“Beautiful,” he whispered, then his tongue was moving against me at such speed that I arched from the bed. There were no words to describe the sensations he ignited within me.

My hands tangled in his hair and I held him against me, my hips bucking up to meet him. He slid one hand under my back, lifting my hips to give him greater access, and with the other hand, he traced small circles at my entrance. With each circling movement, he entered me a little, then pulled out again.

“Please, Edward, I need to feel more,” I gasped.

He slid a finger inside of me, touching and teasing, then added a second. I moaned at the feeling, my fingernails raking against his scalp. I felt the tension building in my stomach, and cries were torn from my lips as the sensations became almost too much to bear.

“So close,” I cried, his movements against me becoming impossibly faster.

With a scream of ecstasy, I reached my climax. The waves of pleasure obliterated all else, and my hands moved from his hair to the bed sheets as I writhed and bucked beneath him. I felt a blissful haze settle over me as my orgasm finished.

“Are you okay, love?” I heard his voice, and nodded happily. He chuckled and ran a hand over my still quivering stomach.

When I opened my eyes, he was lying beside me, his eyes a clear gold, and his smile almost as blissful as I felt. I trailed a hand between us and gripped his length. His eyes widened, and a soft moan slipped from him.

I pulled aside his shorts, and run my hand up and down in long gentle strokes. He turned to me and kissed me fully on the mouth, his cool tongue slipping between my parted lips, massaging and exploring. I moaned my pleasure as his hand came up to caress my breast, and I gripped him a little tighter.

“I want to feel all of you,” I panted as he pulled away to allow me time to catch my breath. “Make love to me.”

He froze for a moment, then lifted his face to look at me. “I could hurt you.”

“I trust you. If you hurt me, I will tell you, but I want to at least try.”

“You are the most amazing creature I have ever known,” he said ardently. “I love you so much.”

“Show me.”

I moved so I was in the centre of the bed, and opened myself up to him. With slow, careful movements, he positioned himself above me, one arm bracing his weight, and the other guiding his erection to my entrance. My eyes slipped closed as I felt him against me.

“Open your eyes Bella, I need you to help me through this.”

I locked eyes with him and touched a hand to his cheek. “I trust you.”

The feeling of his cool, hard length entering me was indescribable. He paused to allow me to adjust to the sensation of being so filled, then at my nod, pushed in further until his pelvis was pressed against my own.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just go slowly,” I said.

He pulled out, then slowly eased into me again, a quiet hiss coming through his clenched teeth.

“So warm,” he moaned.

I lifted my hips slightly to encourage him, and he pulled out, this time entering with a little more force. I felt myself relax around him, and nodded encouragingly.

“I’m okay now, keep going.”

With growing confidence, he thrust into me. I lifted my hips into his thrusts, urging him on. I felt my arousal increasing, and soon I felt the building pleasure again.

“I can’t… oh God.” His voice was a hoarse moan.

I knew he was close, and I locked eyes with him. “Let go. I want to feel it.”  

He threw his head back and roared as he reached his release. He thrust into me once more, then flopped onto the bed beside me.

I rested my hand on his chest, watching it rise and fall with each breath.

“I love you,” I whispered.

In a disconcertingly fast movement, he sat up, tracing his hands over my arms. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine, better than fine, I’m perfect. I knew you wouldn’t be able to hurt me.”

He smiled my favorite crooked smile and lay down again, pulling me against him. “So you did. I should have believed you.”

“You’ll know for next time.” I yawned widely, exhaustion suddenly sweeping over me.

“Go to sleep love, I will be here in the morning.”

He pulled the blankets over me and hummed quietly, running his hands through my hair.

My last thought as I drifted off to sleep was that I needed to ask what the tune was called.

It seemed so familiar.

Chapter Text

Bella POV

“Edward!”

I woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed.

I didn’t immediately understand where I was; the eerie half-light of dawn made the room look different. As my eyes adjusted, I realized I was in my room at Charlie’s house, and that was why I was alone.

I flopped back onto the bed and pulled Grey to my chest. I couldn’t have Edward, so the stuffed toy would have to take his place for now.

It was my third morning of waking like this, and each time I wished for Edward’s arms to comfort me. The nightmares that had been absent for weeks were back with a vengeance, and they had become more detailed. Now I wasn’t searching for an unknown ‘something’, it was Edward I had lost, and frightening wolf howls pierced the air as I searched.

I could hear Charlie in the kitchen preparing for his early shift at the station. The smell of coffee tempted me from my warm bed. I bundled myself in a robe and headed down to the kitchen.

“Hey Bells, did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet,” Charlie asked.

“You didn’t wake me, freaky dreams did. It was the smell of coffee that persuaded me to get out of bed, though.”

He laughed. “Well I’m sorry about the dreams, but I’m glad I got to see you before I had to head out. What are your plans for today?”

“I’m going to Port Angeles to do my Christmas shopping with Emily this morning, then to La Push this afternoon to see Jacob and the guys. Will you be coming up to see Billy, or should I make dinner for us here?”

“I was hoping we could have a quiet evening together,” he said. “I can rent one of those weepy movies you like, and we can order pizza.”

“Sounds great, I’ll be home by six.”

It would be nice to have some quality time with Charlie. I had been home a few days, but with the excitement of catching up with old friends and places, we hadn’t had much time to just hang out.

“Okay, I gotta head out. You take care today, and make sure you do that thing with the blood machine.”

I laughed. “It’s called a blood glucose meter, and I will do it. I’m a big girl, Charlie; I can take care of these things myself.”

He gave me a hug. “Don’t spoil the illusion; you are my little girl, and that’s how I like it.”

I kissed his cheek, making him blush. “I love you, Dad.”

He hugged me a little tighter. “I love you too, Bells, and I sure am glad you’re home.” He looked a little red around the eyes, and with a gruff cough and hurried goodbye, he left.

I poured my coffee and sat at the kitchen table, looking out of the window and mulling over my dream again. It made me miss Edward even more than I already did. I half wished I had accepted his offer to go away with him for the break; I had been tempted, but I missed Charlie while I was in Ithaca, and wanted to spend time with him.

When I woke the morning after the ball, sated but slightly sore after our lovemaking, I had a moment’s indecision in which I wanted to ask him to come to Forks with me. I knew Charlie and Jacob would have been unhappy about it, but the thought of being separated after sharing something so significant was almost painful.

I knew he was feeling the same way, his searching expression made it clear, but he hadn’t spoken, and neither had I. Instead, I packed the last of my things, and luxuriated in my last hours with him as he drove me to the airport and saw me to my gate. He had held me to him, buried his face in my hair, and vowed his love. Those were all the goodbyes either of us seemed to be able to handle. I had gone through check-in as he watched, and when I was finally seated on the plane, I had allowed the tears to fall.  

I didn’t realize how much time had passed while I was lost in thought until my alarm clock sounded from upstairs. I rushed to shut it off, and then showered and dressed.

Emily was going to drive us to Port Angeles. Jacob had kept my ancient truck in working order for me while I was away, but it drove at a snail’s pace. I wanted to get the shopping done quickly so I could relax and enjoy my afternoon in La Push.

I ate a hurried breakfast and waited on the porch for her to arrive. It was a rare dry day, though still overcast. I hoped the rain would hold off long enough for us to get our shopping done. I didn’t enjoy it at the best of time; add in dodging puddles, and it was going to be a nightmare.

Emily arrived just after eight, and we passed the hour-long drive to Port Angeles in happy conversation about her approaching wedding. Thoughts of her and Sam inevitably led me to Edward; would we be married one day? I had never really considered it. My parents’ marriage was a cautionary tale, but the more I thought about it, the more appealing it was.

“What has you smiling like that?” Emily asked.

“I was thinking of Edward,” I admitted.

Her lips pressed into a thin line and she didn’t reply.

I had received this reaction from most of my friends in the last few days. I wondered if it was because, like Charlie and Billy, they had hoped Jake and I would become a couple. I hoped they would get over it soon, I wanted to be able to tell them about him and how happy I was.

Other than Alice and Rosalie, Emily was my only real female friend. As much as I loved the guys, I wanted someone I could share the excitement with. It didn’t look like her approval was coming any time soon though, as she changed the subject to what she was going to buy Sam for Christmas.

We had a lot of fun searching the stores for the best deals. Neither of us had big budgets, so it made the time pass much faster. Soon we were both laden with heavy bags.

Emily suggested we drop the bags off at the car and get a coffee before going home. We headed down to the bay and into one of the cozy coffee houses that lined the street.

While we were waiting for our order to arrive, we made easy conversation about our purchases and plans for the afternoon. I suspected there was something else she wanted to ask, but she was having a difficult time.

“Whatever it is, just ask,” I said, finally taking pity on her.

“I want to ask about your boyfriend.”

“What about him?”

“How do you know he’s the right one for you?” she asked tentatively.

I considered for a moment before answering, trying to articulate my feelings. “I don’t know how to explain it properly, but he is my everything. I can’t imagine my life without him, and though we’ve only known each other a few months, it feels like so much longer.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “He’s your Sam, I see that. But how do you know you can trust him?”

“I don’t think I can ever know that for sure, but I know it would hurt him to hurt me. He has this way about him; it’s like he is constantly amazed to find me beside him when he looks down. We shared something the other night, and it’s like it bonded us together.”

She frowned. “Jacob really didn’t have a chance, did he?”

“No, he really didn’t. I love him, and I always will, but we aren’t meant to be together.”

She sighed. “Poor Jacob.”

“Well, he seems to be doing okay now.”

She grinned. “You heard about Leah, then? Yeah that was a drama of epic proportions.”

I settled back in my chair and listened as she recounted the tale their short-lived romance. Apparently it was alcohol fuelled, and had caused quite a scandal.

The analysis of Jacob and Leah lasted us all the way home, and by the time she pulled up in front of Charlie’s, my sides ached from laughing. I waved goodbye, then let myself into the house and took my bags to my bedroom.

Jacob was like a child in his excitement about Christmas, and I knew if the gifts were within view next time he visited, he wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to peek. I searched for a good hiding place, but my small room didn’t have many options; it was either the closet, or under the bed.

I was able to hide most of my packages at the bottom of the closet, but Charlie’s new fishing pole was much too large. I knelt beside the bed and tried to clear a space among the many boxes stowed there already to fit it in.

As I reached under the bed, my hand pressed down on a loose floorboard and the end lifted slightly. I hadn’t known there were any loose boards here, and felt a surge of childish excitement at the thought. It would be a perfect place to hide Jacob’s gift; he would never think to look there.

I tried to prize the board up, but it was too stiff. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and levered it beneath the gap. It slowly lifted, spreading dust and splinters over the floor.

I felt around in the hole I had uncovered, and my fingers met a hard edge of plastic. Frowning, I pulled it out and saw an untitled CD in a jewel case. Below that there were two envelopes.

In the days after my accident, I had often had moments like this; I would find unexpected things around my room, or in the truck. Things I had accumulated during my forgotten time in Forks. But I couldn’t understand why I would have hidden things under the floorboards.

I sat leaning against the bed, and tipped the contents of the largest envelope onto the floor. They were photos: me in Charlie’s kitchen, some vaguely familiar faces in the Forks High cafeteria, and…

My breath caught in my throat as I recognized the faces in the last pictures.

“All of them,” I muttered. “They’re all there.”

I flipped them over with shaking hands. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, a surly looking Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle, and finally, him. Edward with his arm wrapped around my shoulder, looking down at me with the familiar expression of adoration.

The expression was familiar, but the scene wasn’t. I had no memory of that room, of wearing that dress. I could even see the differences in my own image; I was younger, my hair shorter.

These were from before.

Chapter Text

Jacob POV

I was in the garage waiting for Bella to arrive, when I heard the phone ring in the house. Before I even got through the front door, Billy had answered it.

“Hey Charlie, you okay?”

I heard Charlie’s anxious enquiries. Apparently he had been trying to call Bella, but she wasn’t answering her cell or the home phone. I knew she should be home, Emily had gotten back over an hour ago, and she had dropped Bella off first.

“Hang on a sec, let me get Jacob,” Billy said, holding out the phone to me.

“Charlie?”

“Jake, can you go by the house and check that she’s okay? I’m on my way, but I’m out in Sequim, and you can get there faster.”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Thanks, kid. Call me when you get there. I know she hates the fuss, but I’m worried.“

“Okay, I’ll call you,” I promised.

I cut the call and headed out to the trees behind the house, kicking off my sneakers; I could move a lot faster in my wolf form.

When I phased, I heard Paul and Jared discussing the return of the Cullens as they ran their patrol.

Hey Jake, Jared greeted. You okay?

Charlie called. Bella’s not answering her phone, so I’m heading over to check on her.

You want us to come?

No, I’m good. She’s probably just fallen asleep, but you know how Charlie gets.

Okay, catch you later.

It probably wasn’t anything to worry about, but I had learned that where Bella was concerned, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Her truck was parked in the driveway, and as I got closer, I could hear her heartbeat upstairs. She didn’t answer the door when I knocked, so I used the spare key to let myself in.

“Bella, are you okay?” I called as I raced up the stairs. “I was... ”

I trailed off as I caught sight of her. She was sitting on the floor with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her skin was ashen, and there were tears still drying on her cheeks. Even more unexpected than her appearance were the photographs strewn on the floor around her.

“Shit,” I groaned, sinking down beside her.

She turned to look at me, her eyes blank. I didn’t think she had even noticed me until I spoke.

“They were here before, weren’t they?” she said sadly.

I nodded.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“I think we should wait for Charlie to talk about this stuff, he can explain better than me.”

It was cowardly of me, but I wasn’t sure we could begin to explain this, and I had no idea how she was going to react.

“Is he coming?” she asked tonelessly.

“Yeah, he’ll be here real soon. Are you feeling okay?”

She shrugged, looking back at the photos surrounding her.

“I’ll be right back.” I went down to the kitchen and searched the cupboards for something easy for her to eat.

I didn’t know if she had missed a meal, or if was the shock that made her look so bad, but this was something I could do that might help a little. I grabbed a package of cookies and her glucose monitoring kit from the counter. I was familiar with the set-up, I had been helping Billy with his diabetes for as long as I could remember.

She didn’t even flinch as I lanced her finger, and she ate the cookies with almost robotic movements. She looked like the Bella of Sam’s memories from the night he found her in the forest.

I heard Charlie’s cruiser pull into the driveway, and the front door crashing open. I’d forgotten to call him in the panic.

“We’re up here, Charlie,” I called.

He raced up the stairs, and did the same double take as I had when he saw her. “Oh, Bella,” he said sadly.

His return seemed to rouse her. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” she asked plaintively.

“Because we didn’t want to hurt you,” he said. He took her hands and pulled her to her feet. “Come downstairs, and I can explain.”

He led us into the kitchen, and we sat around the table. It felt oddly formal, but also appropriate for what we were about to discuss.

“The Cullens lived here before you arrived,” Charlie began. “When you came to live with me, you and Edward became a couple. His family had to leave town just after your eighteenth birthday, and he broke up with you.”

“That’s not all,” she said. “You wouldn’t have hidden that.”

I took up the explanation. “You weren’t just dating. The way you are with him now, it was like that. You were so close, and when he left, it destroyed you.”

“You were so depressed, Bells,” Charlie said. “For months it was like living with a zombie. Then you and Jake became friends, and you were doing better, you were almost happy again.”

She flinched. “Almost happy?”

“Yeah, almost happy. Then you had the accident. When we realized you didn’t remember what had happened, it seemed like a blessing. I don’t think we even discussed telling you about him, we were just relieved you weren’t hurting anymore.”

“But why didn’t you tell me when you found out they were in Ithaca too? I was prattling on about my new friends, and you didn’t say anything.”

“I told you to stay away from them, but you wouldn’t listen,” Charlie said defensively.

Her fists clenched on the tabletop. Her blank sadness was gone now; she was angry.

“Dictating who was and wasn’t a good friend for me isn’t the same thing,” she said through gritted teeth. “You should have told me the truth.”

“I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t think–”

“You did think, you just didn’t want to admit that you had been lying to me for a year. I understand why you kept it from me after the accident, but you should have told me the truth when I met them.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said sadly. “None of us did.”

Her gaze snapped to me. “You knew? Of course you did, that’s why you were being such an asshole. Damn it, Jake, I thought you were my friend.”

“I am!” I said, stung.

“No, you aren’t. If you were my friend, you would have told me the truth.” She gripped her hair. “Argh, I feel so damn stupid. You all knew, there I was talking about how happy I was, how in love. Damn it, even Emily knew; that’s why she was being so weird.”

Charlie reached out to take her hand, but she dodged his hand and got to her feet. The chair fell back to the floor.

“Where do they live?” she asked.

“In Ithaca,” Charlie said, disarmed by the sudden switch in topic.

“No, where did they live when they were here?”

“They aren’t here anymore, Bells,” Charlie said. “I told you, they moved years ago.”

“I want to see the place. Where is it?”

“I can take you there if you like,” I offered.

She shook her head curtly. “Just tell me.”

“It’s off Route 101, a dirt drive leading right into the forest. I don’t think this is a good idea, Bells,” Charlie said. “You shouldn’t be driving now, you’ve had a shock.”

“I’ll be fine.”

She ran up the stairs and came back with a handful of photographs, and grabbed her keys from the hook.

Charlie caught her hand as she reached for the door handle. “I’m sorry, Bella. I was trying to protect you.”

“I know you were. It didn’t work, though.”

She walked out the door, leaving it hanging open. We watched as she climbed into the truck and drove out of sight.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I sat at the piano, working mindlessly through the scales, and trying to resist the urge to run to Bella’s house to see her.

I had thought by being in Forks, it would have been easier to handle our separation, but it in fact made it worse. Knowing she was so close but not being able to see her was torture. It had only been a few days, and I was already at my limit.

Esme came to stand beside me, and I switched from scales to the song I wrote for her.

Are you okay?

“I miss her,” I admitted.

“Has she called yet today?”

My phone calls with Bella were the highlight of my day. I absorbed every detail as she told me about her day, and gave vague replies to her enquiries about my own.

“No. She was going shopping this morning, then spending the afternoon in La Push. I think she’ll call this evening.”

The door swung open as Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper returned from their hunt.

“There‘s going to be a storm later,” Emmett said happily. “We going to play baseball?”

I considered it for a moment before answering. We hadn’t played as a family for months, but the baseball clearing here was spoiled for me. It had been the place of too much pain and anger. But I also knew the family had forgone a break in Denali with our extended family so I could be close to Bella. They had done so much for me, this was the least I could do. 

“C’mon Edward, it’ll be fun,” Alice wheedled.

“Okay, count me in,” I said.

Can you play again? Carlisle asked.

I heard his plan and smiled. It was moments like this that gave me hope in the years before I met Bella. I started playing, and he crept up behind Esme and turned her into a waltz position. She giggled happily as he spun her around the room. After a moment’s pause, Jasper and Alice, and Emmett and Rosalie joined them.

I was so absorbed in the music that I didn’t immediately notice my phone ringing. I pulled it from my pocket, and felt my heart leap as I recognized the number as Charlie’s house.

“Bella?”

“Afraid not,” Charlie’s grave voice answered.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, my panic clear in my voice. I was imagining all the things that would make him call, and none of them were good.

“Well that depends. Are you in Alaska like Bella thinks?”

“No.” There was no point in lying, it would only take a short drive for him to check. 

He sighed. “Well in that case, you are in for a world of trouble. Bella knows.”

I groaned.

I heard the creak of plastic, and realized I was about to crush my phone. I forced my fingers to unclench and gripped Carlisle’s proffered arm instead. He was attempting to soothe me the only way he knew how, but it was futile.

It’s okay. It will be fine.

“Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction too,” Charlie continued. “She was real messed up when I got home, but now she’s pissed and heading your way.”

“Thanks for the warning, Charlie.”

“Don’t thank me. I was hoping I’d find out you were in Alaska, at least then she’d have a chance to calm down a bit before seeing you.”

“Okay, well I…” I trailed off, there was nothing left to say. 

“Good luck, kid,” he said, then cut the call.

 I dropped the phone to the floor, fighting the urge to crush it into dust.

“How long, Alice?” I asked, not taking my eyes from the floor.

“Ten minutes.”

“Show me.”

“I’m not sure you want to see,” she said tentatively.

I locked eyes with her. “I’m about to face the love of my life and tell her I have been lying to her for months, that the privacy she had fought for was all an illusion. I don’t think there is anything that can make me feel worse at the moment.”

I was wrong. She opened her mind, and I saw Bella behind the wheel of her truck, tears streaming down her face unchecked, and her eyes burning with fury.

“What are we going to do?” Esme fretted.

“What we should have done from the very beginning,” I said sadly. “I will tell her the truth. She may not know the full story, I will make sure she does.”

“Do you want us to stay here, or would you like some privacy?” Carlisle asked.

“We’re staying,” Alice said determinedly. “This time it was all of us that lied to her, and we should all be here to face the consequences.”

Edward?  Carlisle looked to me.

“I should speak to her alone, but you should stay close; she may want to speak to you too.”

I had been a fool to think it would last, but I had been so happy to have her back that I ignored the realities.

I heard the truck pull onto the driveway, and counted the seconds I had left before I had to face her. There weren’t nearly enough; all too soon she pulled up in front of the house and cut the engine. I heard her take a deep, steadying breath, then open the truck door.

With leaden footsteps, I made my way to the door, and, taking a deep breath of my own, I stepped out onto the porch.

She looked at me for an immeasurable amount of time. The love that always shone in her eyes when we were together was gone and replaced with fury. I couldn’t bear to see her looking at me like that, but knew it was my own fault.

“You bastard,” she hissed.

“I’m so sorry,” I choked.

Her eyes hardened. “Sorry for lying, or sorry you were caught?”

“I am sorry I hurt you.”

“Which time? When you left me the first time? I hear that was a good exit, left me screwed up for months. Or now? Obviously I can’t compare the two scenarios, I can’t remember how it felt then, but I know how much it hurts now.”

“I never meant to hurt you, then or now.”

“And yet, you did. What I don’t understand is why. I had a life, I was happy; from what I’ve been told that was a vast improvement on what you left behind. Why didn’t you leave me alone? Poor brain-damaged Bella. Was the chance to screw me over again  too good to pass up?”

“No!” I gasped. “It wasn’t like that. When I saw you again, I couldn’t help myself. I thought I was being given a second chance. I love you so much.”

“If you loved me so damn much, why did you leave me?”

“Because it wasn’t safe for you. You know we are different, with that comes risk. Something happened, and it made me see how dangerous it was for you to be with us. I had to leave you to save you.”

It had started to rain, great drops that streamed down, soaking her almost immediately. She pushed her wet hair from her face with shaking hands.

“Please come inside,” I begged. “You are going to get sick if you stay out in this.”

She climbed the steps and walked past me, through the door Carlisle had opened, as if she was unaware of what she was doing. When she saw the rest of the family standing inside the door, she stopped dead in her tracks.

“All of you.” Her hands clenched into fists. “You knew all along.”

She pulled a stack of photographs from her pocket and threw them on the floor. Now I understood how she had found out the truth; these were the photographs I had hidden in her bedroom the day I left.

“We should have told you,” Alice said quietly, “but we were so happy to see you again, we didn’t think. I missed you so much when you were gone, I wanted my friend back.”

“I wasn’t gone. I was in Forks where you left me.”

“We didn’t want to leave you,” Esme said sorrowfully. “But it was for the best.”

“It wasn’t safe,” she said, nodding. “What changed? If you left to keep me safe then, why isn’t it dangerous now?”

None of us answered. How could we admit that there was no less danger now than there had been then? We had just been too selfish to let her go again.

Her eyes widened, and her face blanched. “I wasn’t safe. How stupid I must have looked, telling you I didn’t want to know your secret, knowing it was dangerous, and none of it mattered as I was already screwed.”

Esme reached out a hand to her, but she flinched from her touch.

“You aren’t screwed,” I promised. “You don’t know anything that can hurt you, and we are all going to protect you.”

Edward, she’s losing her grip! Jasper warned.

“You’re going to protect me?” She laughed, and the sound was jarring, almost hysterical. “I don’t want your protection. I don’t want anything from you.” 

She pulled her phone from her pocket, and dialed with trembling fingers. It picked up on the first ring, and Jacob’s voice came from the receiver. “Bella?”

“I need you to drive. I can’t drive now,” she said.

“What happened?” he asked frantically. “Have you been hurt?”

Her knees buckled, and I caught her as she sank to the floor. Her trembling fingers dropped the phone, and I snatched it up.

“Jacob, it’s Edward. You need to come.” I cut the call, and shifted Bella so I could see her face. Her teeth were chattering, and tremors rocked her body. I felt a thrill of fear. There was something very wrong with her.

“Jasper,” I hissed. “What’s happening to her?”

“I don’t know, it’s too chaotic to read.” He sent her a wave of calm, gradually increasing it until her tremors ceased.

“Bella, I need you to calm down,” Carlisle said, crouching in front of her.

She cringed away from him and turned to me. “Let me go.” Her voice was a cold hiss, and it broke my heart.

I released her, and she struggled to her feet. She took a deep breath, and looked at each of our remorseful faces in turn, saving me for last, and addressing me directly.

“I just wanted to be normal for a change, and you destroyed it.”

“I know, and I’m so so–“

She held up a hand to halt me. “You are going to leave me alone now, all of you. Alice is not going to look for my future, and you will not come to my house. Understand?”

I nodded mutely.

“Good.”

“Bella, please don’t do this,” Alice begged.

She paused at the door and turned back. “I’m not doing anything; you all did this to yourselves.”

She walked out to the truck and curled up on the passenger seat. Once she was out of what she thought was our hearing range, she began to cry. Heartwrenching sobs that tore at my heart.

Jacob ran out of the trees a minute later, naked apart from a pair of cut-off jeans. He climbed into the truck and wrapped an arm around her. “What happened?”

“Take me home please, Jake. I need to go home.”

He glared at me through the window. I’ll be back later.

I watched them drive away until they were out of sight, then sank to the floor, my hands fisted in my hair. There were no words - mental or audible - we were all stunned into silence by what had just happened. It seemed impossible that less than an hour ago, I played while my family danced; it felt like a lifetime.

I felt an arm on my shoulder. Esme was trying to comfort me, but I couldn’t bear it. I jumped to my feet and ran from the house. I heard their voices calling after me, but I didn’t go back. I needed to be alone, and I needed to be close to Bella. I couldn’t go to her, so I went to the only other place that could make me feel close to her: our meadow.

I dropped to my knees in the centre of the meadow, and became a statue. I ignored all else but the feeling of the rain hitting my skin, and the dirt beneath my fingers.

The rain was coming down harder than ever, and I heard the far off rumblings of thunder. Alice’s storm was here.

Lightning began to flash across the sky, and I recognized the scene. This was the vision Alice had when were in Forks hunting Victoria. It was already decided even then; the weeks of happiness I had with Bella  were always going to end in this. Some decision had been made then that had set forth the chain of events that would lead me here. But what?

I scanned my memory trying to find the key, and gasped aloud as I saw it. I was going to change Bella, I had just told the family I wanted Bella to be a vampire. Somehow in making that choice, I had doomed myself to this fate. Perhaps because of that choice, I had bound myself to her, making it impossible to be away, even for the month she spent with Charlie. By whatever means, that had led me to this fate.

Unsure whether I was doing it because I knew it would happen, or because I realized I had doomed myself to this pain, I threw back my head and roared my grief to the lightning-struck sky.

Chapter Text

Bella POV

We drove back to Charlie’s house in silence. My thoughts were reeling as I tried to process all that had happened, and what I thought I had seen.

It was Jacob’s question that had done it. “Have you been hurt?” The words resonated in my mind, triggering something. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but this time the memory didn’t slip away; I saw it as clearly as if it was playing out on a movie screen. A light moving in the darkness. A face high above me, and a voice asking if I had been hurt.

Charlie was waiting at the door when we got back. Jacob had barely pressed the breaks before Charlie was at my door, pulling it open and scooping me into his arms.

“Oh God, Bells. I wasn’t sure you were going to come back. Are you okay?”

I shook my head.

He looked scared, and I felt horrible for what I knew was coming. He wrapped an arm around me and led me into the lounge.

“Jake, can you get a towel for me,” he asked, wrapping the blanket from the back of the couch around my shoulders. “You’re freezing. We need to get you out of these wet clothes; you’re going to get sick.”

“In a minute. I need to ask you something first.”

Jacob came back into the room and handed me a towel. I dried my dripping hair and face, and looked at Charlie. He sat beside me and cupped my cold hands in his warm grasp. “I know we should have told you about them, but we didn’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s not that, I understand why you made the choices you did. I want to ask about something I saw, or think I saw.” I groaned rubbing my temples. “When I was here before, did something happen to me in the woods? Other than my accident, I mean. It was dark and Sam was there.”

He gasped, his face losing the little color it had left. “That was when they left. You got lost in the woods and Sam found you. You remember?”

I nodded. “Only that. It feels like there is more but I can’t reach it. I need to call Mom.”

“I already did,“ Charlie said. “She’s going to try and get a flight tomorrow.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I need to go there.”

“Please don’t go, Bells,” Jacob said. “We’ve hardly had any time with you. I’ll make sure he stays away.”

“It’s not about him,” I said. “If I am remembering stuff, I want to see Dr Ribot. I want to know why those words make me remember. If I know what the trigger is, maybe I can make it happen again.”

“Okay then,” Charlie said getting to his feet. “You get out of those clothes, and I’ll call the airlines. We might be able to get a last minute cancellation.”

“We?” I questioned.

“I’m coming with you, Bells,” he said. “Unless you don’t want me to, of course.”

I jumped to my feet and threw my arms around him. “Of course I want you to.”

He patted my back clumsily. “Go get dried off and I’ll make the phone calls.”

I headed up the stairs and stopped dead at my bedroom door. There were still some photographs scattered on the floor, along with the CD and envelope. I stuffed them back under the floorboard and slammed it down. I wasn’t going to think about that yet. I wasn’t ready.

xXx

Charlie was unable to get flights for that day, so it wasn’t until Thursday afternoon that we touched down at Jacksonville International. Jacob insisted on coming with us, and Charlie had supported him. I think they were expecting me to break down again, and wanted the extra moral support. I wasn’t going to break down, I was too caught up in what was happening to me. I was remembering.

At first it was vague and fleeting; random faces and snatches of conversation, but the more I concentrated, the easier it was. I would occasionally have flashes of Edward, but I didn’t pursue them. As long as I was distracted, I didn’t have to face the truth of what he had done.

True to his word, he didn’t call or visit after I left his house. I couldn’t be sure he wasn’t using Alice to keep track of me, but I hoped she would at least respect me enough to refuse him.

I was trying to focus on a memory of Jacob’s garage, pulling it to the surface and examining it, when Jacob touched my arm.

“We’re here, Bells.” I caught him and Charlie giving me a concerned look and smiled weakly.

They thought I was thinking of Edward when I would fall silent like this, and I didn’t correct them. I had tried to trigger more memories before we left, and they had dissuaded me, Jacob especially. He seemed scared that I would remember the wrong thing. He needn’t have worried. I was aware there was something I was supposed to know about him, and it was a similar secret to the ‘differences’ I had observed in Edward, but I wasn’t going to explore the issue. If the memory came, it came. If not, I would wait until he decided to tell me.

Jacob pulled my bag from the overhead locker, and Charlie took my hand. I felt a little like a child being escorted to school, but didn’t complain. I was grateful to them both for being with me through this, and it seemed to comfort them.

A new memory tugged at me as we passed through the airport. I recognized Jasper, and pushed it away at once. I didn’t need to be distracted now.

Charlie and I stood aside as Jacob used his height and bulk to battle the crowds away at the baggage carousel, and then through security.

I heard a squeal of excitement before I was almost bowled over as my mom launched herself at me.

“Go easy, Renee,” Charlie scolded. “You’re going to knock her over.”

She pulled back looking a little guilty, and I leant into her embrace, inhaling the scent of sunscreen and her perfume. It was so comforting and familiar that, all at once, I was exhausted. I wanted to curl up in my mother’s arms and hide like I had when I was a child.

She seemed to know exactly what I was thinking as she clung to me a little tighter before releasing me. “Okay sweetie, let’s get you home.”

She led us out to where Phil was waiting with the car.

As Jacob was the bulkiest of us all, he took the front passenger seat, and I was sandwiched between Renee and Charlie in the back. They were talking and making plans for who would sleep where, and discussing my appointment with Dr. Ribot in the morning. I let their voices rush over me and comfort me as I rested my head against Charlie’s shoulder and closed my eyes.

I must have fallen asleep, as the next thing I knew, I was being carried in Jacob’s arms into the house. I tried to tell them I could walk, but I was too groggy to make sense. The next time I woke, I was lying on the covers in the bedroom I had stayed in when living in Florida the year before. Renee was lying next to me, and when she saw me stirring, she sat up.

“Oh, you’re awake. You slept for a long time; we need to get you something to eat.”

“In a minute,” I said sleepily.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

I shifted to a sitting position and hugged a pillow to my chest. I knew she wasn’t asking about my physical health and took a moment to consider before answering.

“Betrayed,” I said, finally finding the right word. “I understand why you and Charlie didn’t tell me, but I don’t understand why he didn’t. I thought we had something special, and it was all a lie.”

“Oh sweetie.” She brushed my hair behind my ear. “I don’t think it was all a lie. He made some mistakes and bad choices, but from what Charlie said, he really loves you.”

“He should have told me the truth. I should have been given a choice.”

“Yes, you should have, but from what I’ve heard, he was scared he’d lose you again. I only met him the once, when you were in the hospital in Phoenix, and it was clear then how much he loved you.”

“What hospital?” I asked.

She clapped a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide with shock.

“Just tell me, please,” I said tiredly.

“A few months after you moved to Forks you came back to Phoenix; you were scared that things were moving too fast with Edward, so you left. He came after you. There was an accident, you fell down a flight of stairs in the hotel he was staying in. His father saved your life. You…”

Her words became a blur as a new image came to my mind. Not a hotel, a room of mirrors. Not stairs, but a man stamping on my leg. A man with red eyes.

“Bella!” I felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me roughly. “It’s happening again isn’t it? You’re remembering things.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I remember falling.” I didn’t know why I was lying, but I had a feeling this was one of the dangers Edward had mentioned. But the eyes… it made no sense.

“You will be seeing Dr. Ribot in the morning,” she said encouragingly. “Hopefully then we’ll get some answers. It has to be a good thing though, you remembering things.”

I smiled and tried to look pleased, but this new memory scared me. Maybe it would be better if I didn’t remember.

xXx

That night I dreamed of Edward. It was the same dream I’d once before of him lying surrounded by flowers, then the flowers were gone and I was running through a dark forest. I was screaming for him to come back, begging and pleading, but he never came. I woke with a start, my heart was racing and my hair clung to my clammy forehead.

“Not a dream,” I whispered to myself. I was sure what I had seen was the night he left me, and at some point we had been together in a field of flowers.

I pulled on a robe and padded into through the lounge in search  of coffee. Charlie was asleep on the couch, and Jacob on an air mattress beside him. I stood and watched them for a moment. They were both powerful men when awake, my protectors, but asleep they looked innocent and vulnerable.

I carried on through to the kitchen and jumped when I saw Phil sitting at the table nursing a mug of coffee. 

My relationship with Phil was awkward; he was a nice guy and I loved him for how happy he made my mom, but we weren’t close. He never really fit the role of step-father for me, he was more like a friend. 

“Morning, Bella. I didn’t wake you, did I?” he asked.

“I was already awake,” I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

I wasn’t in the mood to make small talk, so I slid on a pair of Renee’s sandals and went out into the garden. I sat on  a lounge chair and pulled my robe a little tighter around me to ward off the early morning chill. Oblivious to my desire for solitude, Phil followed me outside.

“Your mom made it really nice out here,” he said randomly.

Renee had crafted the small yard into a lush garden. Her previous dalliances with gardening had paid off here.

“It’s very pretty,” I said politely, wishing he would go inside and leave me to my tangled thoughts.

“She made it for you, you know.”

“What?”

“She thought you were going to stay here after your accident. In fact, we all thought that.”

I knew Renee had hoped I would, but I didn’t realize how far her preparations had gone. I would have liked this garden, it would have been the perfect place to relax and enjoy the sun. I felt a surge of love for my mom, the fact she had put all this work into the garden for me was touching. I should have realized there was a reason behind her sudden infatuation with gardening. She had never stuck with a project for as long as she had this.

“Why didn’t you stay?” he asked. There was a definite hint of accusation in his tone. He lived to make my mother happy, and it must have been hard for him to see her disappointment when I left.

“I had to go back to Forks.” I sighed.

“Why?”

“Because it scared me. I knew going back there meant facing the  curiosity and pity of people I should have known, but I knew it was something I had to do.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “That makes sense, you always were one to face a challenge. Which makes me wonder why you ran away this time.”

I bristled. “I didn’t run away, I had to come back to see Dr. Ribot. What happened with Edward has nothing to do with this.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said bluntly. “You could have called the doctor, arranged to come later, but you didn’t. You are hiding.”

I was stung by his words, and they made my reply  sharper than I had intended.

“No offence, but you don’t know me. You don’t know how it feels to know that the person you love has been lying to you for months. That the family you had come to think of as your own has been playing some big game with you.”

“That’s true, I don’t,” he said serenely. “But I do know how it feels to be in love. If, God forbid, I was put in Edward’s position, and had to face your mother and see no recognition in her eyes when she looked at me… well I think I would do the same thing as him. Be honest, if he had told you from the beginning who he was, what would you have done?”

I had been trying to ignore this question ever since I had discovered the truth. I knew what I would have done; I would have left Ithaca. It was supposed to be my fresh start. Having people there who knew who I was, and what had happened, would have been too much to face.

“I would have run away,” I whispered. 

“That’s what I thought. That’s what your mother would have done too, which is why I can understand why Edward made the choices he did. I’m not saying you should go back to him, you don’t even have to see him again, but you do have decide for yourself what happens next. Charlie and Jacob told us how happy you were with him, the first time and now. You have to decide whether the pain of knowing he lied to you is worse than the pain of being without him.”

I felt the tears welling in my eyes and looked away so he wouldn’t see.

“I’m sorry if I have upset you,” he said. “But I think you needed to hear this. Your mom and Charlie love you too much to make you face these things, they want to protect you; it’s their job as parents. I love you enough hurt you. I don’t want to see you make a mistake that will cost you the happiness you fought for.” He stood up and patted my shoulder. “I have to head out now, you think on what I said, okay?”

“I will. And Phil,” I looked up at him, not caring about the tears now spilling down my cheeks, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He squeezed my shoulder gently and ambled back into the house.

xXx

Phil’s words played on my mind all morning.

I made breakfast for the others, laughing at Charlie’s jokes about how much Jacob ate. Then I chatted with Renee as she flitted about her bedroom, choosing outfits only to discard them again, all the while smiling and pretending all was fine when in fact my mind was in chaos.

Memories teased at my mind constantly, just waiting for me to pull them to the fore and examine them, but I pushed them away, scared of what I might see.

The red-eyed man haunted me; I was sure he was one of the dangers Edward had warned me of. I didn’t understand what I could have done that warranted the pain I remembered him inflicting on me in the room of mirrors.

I needed to know the answers to these questions, but to do that I had to see Edward, and I wasn’t ready to face that yet.

When Renee had finally found an outfit she was satisfied with and Jacob had been dispatched to the beach, we piled into Renee’s car and began the hour-long drive to the rehab centre. I was not looking forward to going back there; it was the location of some of the darkest times in my life. Had Charlie and Renee not been with me, I would have turned around and gone home again.

Foolishly, I expected something to have changed in the place, but it was exactly the same as before. The same palms ringing the entrance, the same gravel paths, the same beige and white décor, and the same unidentifiable smell that reminded you that, while it may look like a hotel, it was in fact a hospital. I hated it. It made me feel small and weak, like the person I had been when I was here last.

Renee led me to a seat and held my hand as Charlie gave my name to the receptionist. She informed him that Dr. Ribot was with a patient and would be with us in a moment. He came back to stand with us, but didn’t sit. Charlie was uncomfortable here, he hated hospitals; this was Renee’s territory. She had been the one to make the daily trips out here to visit me until I had begged her to give me a day of peace. I loved her, but the pain in her eyes as she saw me struggling with depression only made me feel worse.

After ten minutes of waiting, Dr. Ribot’s assistant came out to collect me. “Dr. Ribot is ready to see you now. Are we all going?” she asked, looked at Charlie and Renee.

“No, just me,” I said firmly. I knew Renee and Charlie would want to come in with me, but this was going to be difficult enough without dealing with their anxiety too.

“Well okay then,” she said brightly. “If you‘d like to come with me.”

I squeezed Renee’s hand, then left her to Charlie’s reassurances as I walked the familiar corridors to Dr. Ribot’s office.

“Bella, it’s nice to see you again,” she greeted as I entered her office. “How is college working out for you?”

“It’s good, thanks,” I said politely, wanting to get the small talk over so I could get out of here.

“I understand from your mother’s call that you have regained some memories,” she said. “Can you tell me what happened?”

I explained how Jacob’s questions had triggered the recollection, and how other memories seemed to be returning too. “It’s like they are just there, waiting for me to catch them,” I said.

“And this is scaring you?” she said shrewdly.

“In a way, yes.”  I admitted. “Not all the memories are good; I’m not sure I want to know more now.”

“That’s understandable. The fear of the unknown is an important factor, but this is what you fought for, Bella. I don’t doubt there are things in your life that are better forgotten, but we all feel that way at times. If the memories are returning, I don’t think there is anything you can do to stop it. You say they are there, waiting for you to focus on them. I imagine in time, it will happen without you trying. Better that you face them now while you have some control in the matter, than later when they are forced on you.”

I groaned, covering my face in my hands. She didn’t understand, this wasn’t about remembering an embarrassing moment in high school, it was about facing a red-eyed stranger than hurt me, and who knew what else. I rubbed at my temple absentmindedly; I was getting another headache.

“Are you still getting headaches?” she asked.

I nodded tiredly. “Sometimes. I think I am just worn out, it has been a very intense week.”

“And the fainting spells?”

“I haven’t had any more of them. My boyf... my doctor said it was caused by low blood sugar when I forgot meals.”

“I am going to send you over to the med wing to do a couple of tests,” she said. “I want to see if there are any physical changes that may have contributed to your remembering.”

“More tests?” I said suspiciously. “Do you mean blood draws, or are you doing to make me have another of those damn scans?”

I had more than my fair share of CT and MRI scans, and I hated them. I had never been claustrophobic before, but the noise of the machine working made me uncomfortable.

“I think we will do a little of both,” she said nonchalantly. “I can get some good information about these hypoglycemic attacks from the blood draw, and you know how much I enjoy looking at pictures of your brain.”

I scowled as she called to arrange a slot for me in the radiology lab, and called her assistant to escort me across to the med wing.

It would take a while for them to process the results, so following the scans, Renee drove to us back into town to have lunch at a diner. She and Charlie seemed worried about the scans, but I had been through enough of them to know there was usually little that I understood, and even less that actually affected my treatment in any way.

When we got back, I was surprised that we were ushered straight into Dr. Ribot’s office. No one asked if I wanted Charlie and Renee to come, which was unusual, but I didn’t have the heart to ask them to stay away, either.

“Oh you’re back,” she greeted, looking uncharacteristically stressed. “I’d like to refer you to a colleague at Shands.”

“Why does Bella need to see another doctor?” Charlie asked. “We brought her here because you were supposed the best person for amnesia.”

“Because this isn’t about amnesia. I saw something on the tests that I want a second opinion on,” she said carefully.

“What did you see?” Renee asked anxiously.

“I am not sure, which is why I want–”

“Just tell me, dammit,” I said, cutting across their voices. 

“I saw something on the scans,” she said tentatively. “I want you to see an oncologist.”

Chapter Text

Charlie POV

Anaplastic astrocytoma in the left temporal lobe. The medical term the doctor uses when telling me my baby is dying.

They point it out on the scan, a shadow where there shouldn’t be a shadow. They tell us it couldn’t have been seen before now, that the symptoms were confused with the amnesia; a definite level of self-justification going on. They expect us to argue, to threaten them with lawsuits; we won’t. How can we when they’re the people that are going to save her?

Renee is hysterical, she screams and cries and tells them they are wrong. I sit frozen, gripping the arms of my chair to stop myself punching something. Bella is calm. She tells Renee to be quiet and slaps her when that doesn’t work. She unclenches my hand from the chair and holds it.

They tell us there are treatment options; surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, all intended to give her more time. Time for medicine to catch up with her, prolonging life. Not nearly enough time. They spout statistics and percentages, none of it sinking in until I hear the fateful number. Five years. Best case scenario, my little girl will have five years of life left.

Now I cry, tears that burn my cheeks as they fall, sobs that close my throat making speech impossible. Renee faints, and there is a flurry of movement around her. I look down at her with envy. How nice that must feel to escape it all, even if only for a short time. Bella squeezes my hand, knowing what I am thinking and understanding.

“I’m going to be okay, Dad.”

Her words break me. I pull her into my arms and rock her as I had when she was a child. The baby I had held with such joy when she was only minutes old. The little girl who looked to me to protect her from the monsters under the bed. The seventeen year old girl who had come back to me and made my house a home again. Now a woman who would never see thirty.

I faint too.

xXx

Bella POV

Jacob knew straight away. He saw their shell-shocked faces and my blank confusion, and knew it was bad. He also knew what I needed. He snatched the keys from Renee’s hand and took me to the car. We drove to the beach, pulling into the lot as the sun reached the horizon.

We walked hand-in-hand along the shore, looking to any casual observer like a young couple enjoying a romantic stroll. How could they possibly know that I had just been the recipient of my own death sentence?

“What happened, Bells? Did you remember something else?” he asked.

I wished it was that simple. I stopped, and he walked a couple of paces before my hand pulling against him made him realize I was no longer with him.

“I’m sick, Jake,” I said stonily.

“How bad?”

“Cancer.” It was the first time I had said it aloud, though the word had been resounding in my mind ever since I left the doctor’s office.

He blanched and swayed on his feet. I felt sure that if he fainted, I was going to lose my mind completely; I couldn’t watch it happen again. Renee in her hysterics, Charlie in his grief, and now Jacob in his shock. I sat on the sand and pulled him down beside me.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said blankly.

“You could always remind me that things could be worse,” I suggested, smiling weakly. “I could have acne, too.”

“Oh, Bells.” I saw the tears swimming in his eyes, and wrapped my arm around him. How had I become the person that did the comforting? Surely it should be them comforting me.

“I’m going to be okay, Jake,” I said with conviction. I had been telling myself this all day; it was a talisman against the truth I was not ready to face.

“Is that what the doctors said?” he asked hopefully.

“Not exactly,” I said evasively. “But I know I will.”

I had no choice.

xXx

When we got back to the house, Charlie and Renee were composed again. They sat in the lounge, the pamphlets we had been given at the hospital on the coffee table in front of them. It looked like they were about to stage an intervention.

“Can you come sit down for a minute please, Bella?” Charlie asked.

I sat in the armchair, holding a cushion to my stomach as a shield against them. I didn’t know what they were about to say, but I felt sure I was going to need the protection.

“Your father and I have been talking about it, and we both agree that you need to fight this thing,” Renee said. “I have been researching online, and there are many treatments and clinical studies that we can explore.”

“I agree,” I said simply. “You missed most what the doctor said, on account of the fact that you were both unconscious at the time, but I have to go back tomorrow for an assessment by a surgeon, and to meet with the oncologist again.”

They had clearly been expecting me to resist, but I wouldn’t.

“Oh, well that’s good,” Charlie said lamely. “We have also been talking about how we are going to take care of you during the treatment. I am going to take a sabbatical from work, and I’ll come to stay here with you.”

I was touched that he was prepared to do that for me, but it was unnecessary, I knew what I was going to do.

“That’s a sweet offer, but there is no need,” I said calmly. “I will have as much of the treatment done here as is needed, and then I am going back to Forks.”

“Why?” Renee asked, tears brimming in her eyes.

“Because that is where my friends are. Jacob can’t stay here indefinitely, he has to finish school, and other than you and Phil, I don’t know anyone here,” I explained.

“But you can make new friends,” Renee said, rather tactlessly in my opinion, seeing as Jacob was in the room. “And I can take care of you here.”

“I don’t need new friends, I have all that I need already, and I won’t need anyone to take care of me. I am going to sell the Ithaca house, and get something small in La Push. The house should sell fast as it’s so close to the college, and I will be able to use the cash left over for home care.”

“You don’t need to do that Bells, you can live with me. I can take care of you,” Charlie said.

“I know you can, but it will be easier for me if I have my own space.”

Living in La Push was the crux of my plan.

Jacob had cried, but once he had calmed, we had talked. He knew more about the Cullens than I did, and he had one piece of vital information. His own differences meant that being near him meant that Alice, and therefore Edward, would be unable to see me.

I knew Renee was about to launch into another attack, but Charlie cut her off. “Let’s not make any hasty decisions. We’ll see what the doctors say tomorrow and go from there.”

I nodded. “I am going to lie down for a while.”

“Do you want me to come sit with you?” Renee offered.

“No thanks, I just need a little peace for a while.”

“Okay then. Phil is going to pick up dinner on his way home. We’ll call you when he gets here.”

I nodded and made my way to my bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I curled up on the bed, burying my face in a pillow I cried. I cried because it was unfair. I cried because I had lost the future I wanted. I cried for my parents. I cried for Jacob. I cried for Edward. But most of all, I cried for myself.

xXx

I spent the next day in the hospital; I met with an oncologist, then a surgeon. I listened to explanations of procedures, answered questions about my medical history, and had so much blood drawn, I felt sure I would be exsanguinated.

Finally, after hours of tests and questions, we were led into a small room with comfortable chairs and bland watercolors on the wall, and I was allowed to ask the question I needed answered.

“What happens next?”

It was like a battle plan in its complexity. They would operate in three days. I had to stay in the hospital until then for observation, and to prepare for surgery. They were going to remove as much of the tumor as possible, then fill the space with wafers containing chemotherapy drugs. After the wound was healed, they would start radiotherapy. There would be side effects: nausea, tiredness, mood changes, forgetfulness, and hair loss. As if to counteract the negative of all this news, they informed me that they would only shave a small area of my head for the surgery.

I laughed mirthlessly. What did it matter how much they shaved if it all fell out anyway?

Renee went home to pack me a bag, and Charlie was sent out with a list of things to buy. I signed countless forms, and was then led to a private room by a smiling nurse and handed a gown to wear. I balked at that. I had no desire to lose my identity yet. It was too soon.

I didn’t want to get in the bed,  not yet ready to play the part of a sick person. Instead, I sat in the recliner as they set up an IV and began the drugs I needed to prepare my body for their intervention. Jacob stayed with me. He was going back to Washington soon; Billy needed him, and he had responsibilities to the tribe. Responsibilities that I finally understood.

I remembered.

There was no moment of epiphany, or sudden realization, the memories were just there; they seemed to seep into my mind unconsciously. I would think of something, and as if it had been there all along, the memory would come.

I was fairly sure I had recollections of all my missing months now, and the knowledge that came with them. Edward was a vampire, Jacob was a werewolf, and I was a screwed-up girl that stumbled into their world.

I understood now what I had been too insecure and depressed to see before. Edward loved me, he always had, and he left to protect me. Just like he had done for me, I too loved him enough to leave him.

“As long as you are somewhere in the world living your life, I can live too. If you were gone, I swear death would be a mercy”

When he had told me that, I had been scared; it was too great a responsibility to have on my shoulders, even though it was just theoretical then. Now that I was facing the harsh truth, it was terrifying. I was going to die, and he could never know.

All my thoughts of whether or not I could live with the lies suddenly seemed petty and pointless. Despite what he had done, I loved him, and I knew he loved me too; it was clear in every look and word that passed between us. I couldn’t live without him, but I had no choice. Just like he had done for me, I too loved him enough to leave him.

It didn’t have to happen; I could be changed, but he would never do it. He had found the idea so abhorrent before that he risked my life by drawing James’s venom from my wound. Century old vampire he may be, but in so many ways he was still a mulish child, certain in his beliefs that to be a vampire meant to have no soul.

Charlie, Renee, and Jacob would suffer; it would hurt them, they would grieve, but they would live. Edward’s life was so entwined with my own that he would not.

He had to think I was somewhere in the world, living my life, and he had to live his own. Because I knew what Charlie, Jacob, and Renee did not. Five years was the best case scenario, it was far more likely that I would have less than two.

xXx

When I woke from surgery, the pain in my head was so intense, I thought I would die. Two days later, I hoped I would die.

All my previous conviction to fight it with all I had, was lost as I suffered wave after wave of nausea, blinding headaches that made each footfall in the hall sound like the blast of a gun, and mouth sores that made even drinking water painful.

Had I been given a normal form of chemotherapy, I would have quit after the first few days, but the drugs were in my head already. Small discs, about the size of a dime, that were releasing their poison directly into my brain.

Charlie was amazing. He held the basin every time I was sick, wiped my face with damp cloths when I didn’t have the strength to do it myself, and cried with me when it was all too much.

Renee tried to help, but she couldn’t bear to watch me suffer, so she did the practical things for me instead. She arranged the sale of my house, and dealt with insurance companies.

It wasn’t until three weeks after the surgery that I began to feel vaguely human again. I woke in the night with Charlie asleep in the chair beside me, and for the first time in weeks, there was no nausea.

I pulled myself to a sitting position, taking care not to move too fast for fear of jarring my incision site, and looked around my room. There were cards and gifts dotted around that had apparently been delivered when I was too sick to care.

I reached for a card propped up on my bedside cabinet, but my grasp was too weak and I knocked it to the floor instead.

Charlie startled awake. “Coming Bells,” he said sleepily, struggling to his feet and grabbing the emesis basin.

“I’m okay, Dad,” I said croakily, my throat raw from the vomiting.

He looked at me blearily. “You don’t feel sick?”

I shook my head and instantly regretted it; the motion made my head throb. “I don’t want to jinx it, but I think it’s over for now.”

They had been telling me for days that it would pass, the chemotherapy implants would only last a couple of weeks, but I had not dared believe it.

“Well, that’s good. You look a lot better.”

I didn’t know whether he was telling the truth, not having seen a mirror for weeks. I raised a hand to my head, fearful of what I would find.

“It’s okay, Bells, you didn’t lose it.”

A sob broke through my chest as I caught a lock of hair in my hand. It wasn’t vanity that sent the wave of relief flooding through me, it was the fact that in keeping my hair, I would not be immediately recognizable for my disease.

He picked up the card I had knocked to the floor and handed it to me. Instead of the get well message I had been expecting to see, it was a Christmas card from Emily and Sam.

“It’s Christmas?” I asked vaguely. I had lost track of time. In the midst of the illness, days blurred into one another.

He perched on the edge of my bed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “It was Christmas, it’s December 29th today.”

“I made you miss Christmas.” I felt a wave of guilt.

“I didn’t miss it at all, I got to spend it with you. What could be better than that?”

I rested my head against his shoulder. “Thanks, Dad. For everything.”

He pressed a kiss to my temple. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

xXx

Edward POV

We had stayed in Forks for another week after Bella’s arrival at our house. She didn’t come back, nor did Jacob, though he had said he would. Instead, a solemn Sam came and told us Jacob, Charlie, and Bella had gone to Florida.

The wolves had a ludicrous theory that our presence triggered the wolf gene in their tribe, and asked us to leave the area to spare their children. It was ridiculous, but none of us had any desire to start a conflict with them, so we packed up and left for Denali.

While we were still in Forks, I could at least feel closer to Bella. Here there was no connection, and it made it that much harder to bear her absence. I had abided by her wishes; I hadn’t gone to her house, nor had I asked Alice to look for her.

I wasn’t the only one hurting for what we had done. Now we all bore a measure of guilt, and Alice and Emmett felt it especially.

The family watched me constantly, searching for a sign that I was going to sink into the same depression I had when I left her last time. I wouldn’t.

After my breakdown in the meadow, I had found a new hope. I had lost her once and she came back to me. If I gave her time, she would come back to me again; I just had to be patient.

I was lying in the snow behind the house, looking up at the stars. It was almost midnight, and though I knew I should go back into the house and be with my family, I wanted just a few more moments alone.

I heard the countdown begin and closed my eyes, pulling up Bella’s face from my memory. Not the haunted look she had worn as she had been driven away, but the content smile she had after our lovemaking.

“Happy new year, love,” I whispered, then went inside to join my family in their muted celebrations.

Chapter Text

Charlie POV

I had researched all I could, I talked to the doctors, but nothing could have prepared me for the horror of watching my daughter suffer through the first weeks of treatment.

Renee couldn’t stand it; she tried, but it was just too much for her to bear. In a complete reversal of roles, she became the responsible one, dealing with the paperwork while I took care of our little girl. Bella may have been a grown woman, but she was still my baby, and in the worst of her illness, she was just as dependant on me as she had been the day she was born

At first, she was embarrassed to be so dependent on me, but it didn’t last long. She lost all sense of embarrassment after the first day, and by the end of the third, I wasn’t sure she even realized it was me who was helping her.

I watched her sleep, just as I had when she was a baby, scared that she would stop breathing. It seemed impossible that her body could take so much punishment and keep going, but it did.

One night I fell asleep in the chair beside her as I did every other night, but instead of being woken by her cries as another wave of nausea hit, I woke to see her sitting up in bed.

Though her throat was raw from the vomiting, she managed to make herself heard to order me home for the night. I didn’t leave immediately. I kissed her goodbye and promised I would go home and sleep, but instead I waited outside her room, watching as she read the Christmas cards from her friends and brushed away tears.

When I got back to the house, Renee woke. I hadn’t been back there for longer than it took to shower and change since Bella’s surgery, and when she saw me, she thought the worst. Her screams brought Phil racing from the bedroom.

“She’s okay,” I chanted, holding her in my arms. Phil stood back and let me comfort her; this wasn’t about who was married to who, it was about one parent comforting another. When she finally quieted, I passed her into Phil’s arms and explained what had happened at the hospital, and why I was home.

We all saw the New Year in, together in her hospital room, drinking apple juice out of paper cups. The kids from La Push called, and she chatted with them, listening to their stories and accepting their well wishes.

A few days into the New Year, she had an examination by her surgeon, and he declared her ready for the radiotherapy. She wanted to come back to Forks for the treatment, but they said she wasn’t fit to travel that far. We compromised, and she was allowed to go home to Renee’s house if she came back in for the treatments during the week.

All was fine for the first couple of weeks. She went into the hospital in the mornings for her radiotherapy session, then when we got home she would sleep for a while. In the evenings, she would sit with us and talk with Jake and her other friends on the laptop. We settled into a routine which in itself was reassuring; it felt like we had some control over what was happening. We were wrong. 

One night I was woken by a crashing sound. I raced to Bella’s room and found her convulsing on the floor. I knelt at her side, whispering reassurances she couldn’t hear while we waited for the ambulance.

When we got to the hospital, she was swept away from us, and we waited powerlessly as they ran their tests and tried to stabilize her.

After hours of waiting, a doctor finally came to us with some answers. She had swelling in the brain. Whether a delayed reaction to the surgery, or possibly the radiation, there was no way to know. They treated it with steroids, which worked, but also trashed her immune system. A simple cold became pneumonia, and I was back to watching her as she slept, scared if I closed my eyes, she would stop breathing. 

In the midst of her fever, she raved and cried, sometimes for me, sometimes for Renee, but most of all for Edward. She said she didn’t want him to know, but as I watched her suffer, I wondered if he should be here too. For all he had done to hurt her, I had done the same. He had left her because he was trying to protect her; I had kept the truth from her for the very same reason.

I made a deal with myself that if it looked like we were really going to lose her, I would find him. They should get the chance to see each other at least once more.

I didn’t have to make that call. After a week of agonizing, waiting, and offering up prayers to every deity I could think of, she opened her eyes. Instead of the glazed, fevered look that had haunted me for days, she was my Bella again. 

xXx

Bella POV

I missed him. I missed them all, so much so that it was painful, but at least I’d had the extra months with him that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

The Fates must have been on my side the day I got accepted to Cornell. Knowing my time was limited, they had given me an advance preview of heaven. I had been with them again, had made love to Edward; I was able to love my angel a little longer.

Sometimes when I was alone and feeling the weight of what was happening to me, I would think over my time with them. Poor Carlisle, no wonder he had been so harsh on the first day. I wondered if he knew I had called him Dr. Douche. Esme’s heartfelt, and at the time baffling, greeting the day I went to their house. Emmett and his insane breathing trouble when we went running. Most of all my Edward; he had struggled more than any of them. First with his safety statistics about my bike, and then my queries about his mental status. I wondered what they thought when seeing me ride up on my motorbike, even better when I announced my plan to go running.

I was certain they had abided by my wishes to stay away and allow me my privacy. If they knew what was happening, they would have been here with me. I would have been open to Alice’s visions. I didn’t know if, after I was gone, something would trigger a vision to tell them so. It was horrible to think that they might learn of my death through a vision of my funeral, but it was worth the risk. The longer he remained unaware of what happened to me, the longer he would live.

He would learn the truth eventually. I was human, and, even if I didn’t have cancer, I would die one day. My hope was that he would assume I lived to an old age. I had written a letter and Jacob had mailed it to my old house for me. I told Edward what I needed, and hopefully it gave him something to focus on other than the pain of our separation.

xXx

They say you know you are getting better when you are no longer too sick to mind being in a hospital. If that was true, I would have been ‘better’ after the first month here. Not counting my small reprieve at Renee’s, I had been stuck here for ten weeks and I was losing my mind. Thankfully, I was getting out. I’d had my last dose of radiotherapy on Friday, and after being observed for the weekend, I was permitted to leave. If I was okay after two weeks resting at home, I could go back to Washington.

I was sitting in the chair beside my bed, my bag packed and my head wrapped in a scarf. There was still a bald patch around the incision site, made worse by the radiotherapy, and I couldn’t always be sure it was covered by my hair. 

Charlie ambled through the door and snorted when he caught sight of me sitting with my bags perched on my knee like an old lady at a bus stop.

“You come to spring me Chief?” I asked huskily. 

My voice had changed since I got sick. Whether because of one of the treatments, or the pneumonia, or the constant vomiting, I didn’t know, but it was now quieter and huskier than before. Jacob found this endlessly amusing. He teased that he would have to set me up with a 1-900 number to boost my income when I got home.

“Now, I know you’re doing better,” he said, grinning widely. “You’re teasing me.”

“Yep, now get me out of here before they find something else wrong with me.”

His eyes tightened a little, but he didn’t comment. He and Renee had grown used to my predilection for dark humor lately.

He eased me to my feet and wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me into the wheelchair. My body wasn’t showing quite the same desire for recovery as my mind. I still felt frustratingly weak a lot of the time, but I could at least ditch the wheelchair at the exit.

Charlie was going to stay in Florida for another week, then, if I was okay, he was heading home to help set everything up for me. Renee would travel out with me a week later.

My house had sold almost immediately after going onto the market. A very generous buyer called Mr. Randall had paid well above the asking price for a quick sale. I was under no illusions about who the generous buyer was. If it made him happy to buy the house, I wasn’t going to stop him. I would have done the same if the roles were reversed.

“You okay, Bells?” Charlie’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking deep thoughts.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Do you have any thoughts on the state of the economy or global warming?” I deadpanned.

“Oh, well, um…” He caught my grin and returned it. “Yeah, you’re definitely doing better.”

There was obvious relief in his tone.

xXx

Renee was waiting at the door for us when we got back to the house. She rushed forward to hug me as Charlie helped me from the car, and then hesitated as I swayed on my feet.

“Don’t I get a hug?” I asked with a raised brow.

She embraced me tentatively, Charlie’s hand at my back steadying me.

“It’s so good to have you home,” she said fervently. “Phil will be home soon. He took the day off so he could be here to greet you, but I realized we didn’t have any of those milkshake things you like, so he ran out to the store.”

The ‘milkshake things’ were in fact liquid meal supplement drinks the doctors had recommended to help me gain some of the weight I had lost, and they tasted like crap.

 “Do you want to lie down for a while?” Charlie asked. “Or should we set you up in the living room?”

“I want to unpack my stuff first, and then I think I’ll need to lie down a while.”

He led me into my bedroom and sat me on the chair by the window. Renee came in and unpacked my bag for me while I sat uselessly and told her where I wanted everything put.

Moments like these were frustrating; I wanted to be doing these things for myself, but I wasn’t able to, nor was I foolish enough to try. It had been hammered into me by the doctors that I had to rest. My body was already fighting a war against the cancer, and I needed to save my energy for that.

I spotted a pile of things on the dresser, that I knew I hadn’t brought with me: a blanket I used to have on my bed at Charlie’s, one of the throw pillows Sue had made for me, and a stuffed toy.

“Jacob sent some of this stuff down,” she said, seeing where I was looking. “I didn’t know you had a bear, it’s cute.”

“He’s Grey,” I whispered.

“So I can see,” she said, looking at me with concern. Clearly she thought I was a little addled.

“Not his color,” I said, fisting away the tears that sprang to my eyes at the sight of him. “It’s his name, it’s Grey.”

“He sent this too,” she said, handing me an envelope. I knew what it was as soon as I touched it; I could feel the hard corners of the jewel case. I tore the envelope open and looked at the treasure it held.

“Can you put this on for me, please?” I asked, handing her the CD. A moment later, the familiar tune of my lullaby emanated from the stereo.

“I think I want to lie down now,” I said, pushing down the surge of emotion the song caused.

She helped me over to me bed, and I curled up on my side. She eased off my sneakers and handed me Grey. I clutched him to my chest, imagining I could smell Edward’s sweet scent clinging to his fur.

“It’s a very pretty song,” she said. 

The scalding tears began to fall, and I made no effort to hide them.

“It’s a love song.”

xXx

Edward POV

Even before the first day of term, I knew she wasn’t coming back. I hadn’t been to her house, and Alice hadn’t searched for her, but I knew nonetheless. It was an absence, a physical sensation of loss. I felt sure that if I wanted to, I could follow the pain all the way to her side, wherever she was now. But I didn’t.

I went to class, I spent time with my family, and I waited.

Emmett told me her house was for sale. He had driven past one day – though he didn’t tell me, I knew he was hoping to find her there – and saw the sign. I called the realtor, and using one of my many aliases, I bought it. I told them I wanted a quick sale and paid far more than the asking price. Whatever she was doing now, I wanted to make sure she had plenty of money to do it.

A private moving company came and cleared out the house, leaving only a few items of furniture that were bound for the dump. I paid them a hefty tip to leave them there, and that is how I came to spend my nights in her old house, curled up on her old bed. I wasn’t drowning in the misery, I still had hope, but it comforted me to at least have something of our time together to cling to.

When I arrived home one night, I saw that there had been mail delivered. I recognized the scent as I pulled it from the box, the odor of werewolf almost completely overpowering her scent.

The stink of werewolf was explained as I saw the post mark; it had been sent from Forks, Jacob must have posted it for her. It was addressed in her familiar untidy scrawl: Mr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. She hadn’t known my full name when I was with her the second time - it had never come up in conversation - so I knew, as I fingered the envelope, that she remembered.

I wanted solitude to read this, to be able to vocalize my feelings without being observed, but I knew better. If the letter said what I feared it would, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself running. Back to Rio or further I didn’t know, but I wouldn’t come back.

“She sent a letter,” I said tonelessly, as I entered the living room.

“What did she say?” Emmett asked hopefully.

“I haven’t opened it yet, I was worried that if I was alone…” There was no need to explain further, they understood.

I tore open the envelope and read aloud.

Edward,

I remember.

I know what happened then and now, and I understand why you made the choices you did, but I am not coming back.

I was unable to read more, the pain of those words tearing at my heart. My hand clenched unconsciously, crumpling the paper. Carlisle uncurled my fingers and smoothed it out.

Would you like me to read it for you? he asked.

I nodded. I could not bear to do it, but at the same time, I had to know what she said. Esme wrapped an arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder, comforting me, giving me the strength to keep listening.

I don’t regret the months we had. We got our second chance to be together, and I had time with the family I loved. Had you not lied, I would never have known Rosalie for who she really was. I regret that I didn’t have the same opportunity with Jasper, but I understand why.

You were right all along, your world is not safe for me. I don’t blame Jasper for what happened; it was natural, as was what Laurent did, but through your world I have lost too much to risk it again. Don’t ask Alice to look for me. Know that I am doing the things I should be doing. I am taking some time off from college now, and experiencing the other things the world has to offer.

I worked hard for my chance at Cornell, and now the place is spoiled for me. You have to take advantage of the opportunities that you have. If I know you, and I like to think I do, you will be planning to disappear off to another town to start again already. Don’t. Stay and work. Get the degree and use it. You have a gift for understanding minds, use it to help people.

I once told Rosalie that no one lives forever. I was wrong, but that doesn’t mean you should waste the time you have been given.

Please leave me to live my life now. The safe, human life I was supposed to have.

I love you.

Bella

Carlisle cleared his throat unnecessarily as he finished. “At least we know she is okay.”

Alice wrapped her arms around herself, her expression mournful. “What are we going to do, though?” she asked.

“We are going to do as she asked,” I said. “We let her live her life, and we will live ours.”

Though what kind of life I could have without her, I didn’t know.

Chapter Text

Bella POV

“You won’t be able to do this is Forks, you know?” Renee said slyly.

“Yeah I can. I’d have to wear a parka and use an umbrella, but it could still be done.”

We were sitting on loungers in her oasis of a garden, enjoying the sun. It was my last day in Florida; the next day I would be boarding a plane and going home. I had paid the exorbitant fee to get business class seats. I wanted to be able to relax and be comfortable, or at least as comfortable as it was possible to get these days.

Charlie had gone home a week ago, setting up the house for me and catching up at the station. His deputy had taken over while he was with me, but the sabbatical leave he had taken was almost up. He would be home with me for the first week, then he had to go back to work. It was set to be an unpleasant two weeks as I was starting the next phase of chemotherapy.

It was in a pill form, so I would be able to do most of the treatment at home. I had been told that the side effects were much easier to manage with the new treatment compared with to implants, but that didn’t make the prospect any more appealing. At least this time I would have my friends there.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here?” Renee said, her tone wheedling. “I could take care of you, and you already know the doctors.”

I could have pointed out the fact that within two weeks I was likely going to be sick again and she couldn’t handle it, but that would have been cruel. I understood why she couldn’t be there, but if I was going to be feeling like that again, I wanted my dad to take care of me.

“I’m sure. I love you, Mom, and I’m going to miss you, but I want to go home.”

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the sun on my face. I could feel the weariness creeping up on me, and knew I would be asleep before long.

“Don’t let me sleep too long,” I said drowsily. “Wake me up to go in.”

“I will,” she said. I heard a scraping sound as she shifted her chair closer to mine, and then felt her wrapping an arm round my waist. “I’ll take care of you.”

She didn’t wake me. I slept all day and all night, waking briefly as Phil carried me into the house, and falling asleep again as soon as Renee had settled me into bed.

I dreamt of Edward. We were in our meadow and he was holding me. When I woke in the morning, the pillow was damp with my tears.

xXx

The flight passed quickly as I slept through most of it, but the journey through the airport at either end was hell. It was much too far for me to walk unaided, so I had to use a wheelchair. Renee walked at my side while someone from the airline pushed me to the gate. I kept my face down the entire time, but I could still feel eyes boring into me.

When we got to SeaTac, Charlie was waiting for us. It had only been a week since I had seen him, but I felt a wave of relief at having him with me. He had taken care of me from the beginning; merely being near him made me feel stronger.

He left us just inside the main entrance and went to collect the car. I scanned the lot for the cruiser. It was the object of horror the last time he collected me, but I had developed a fondness for it. My mouth dropped open as I saw him pull up in a brand new SUV.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“It’s awesome, but what about the cruiser?”

“I still have that for work, but I figured since we’ll be driving back and forth to the hospital a lot, I should get something a little more comfortable. I know you hate the cruiser, and the seats in this thing are huge; you can lay right down and go to sleep.”

I felt a surge of affection for my father, he spent all this money just so I could be comfortable driving to the hospital. I felt tears well in my eyes, and, as he helped me into the car, I clung to him for a few seconds longer than necessary.

The seats were indeed huge, I stretched out on the back and slept for most of the four-hour journey back to Forks. Renee roused me as we pulled into the town limits, and I stared out of the window, looking at the familiar buildings. As we passed the concealed entrance to the Cullens’ property, I looked down, fighting the tears that wanted to fall.

“Welcome home, Bells,” Charlie said as we pulled to a stop in front of the house. My truck was in the drive, as was the cruiser and…

“My bike!” I gasped.

“Yeah, Jake went and picked it up for you with a couple of his friends. Don’t think I’m going to let you go riding around on it, though.”

“Charlie, I can barely walk without assistance, I’m not a complete imbecile,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I have no intentions of riding around on it. Not yet, anyway.”

He eyes widened comically, and I grinned. It was good to be home.

xXx

An hour after I got home, time enough for me to get cleaned up and settled on the couch, the mob descended.

First to arrive was Jacob, who greeted me with hesitant enthusiasm, followed by Quil and Embry. The latter gave me a hug that lifted me a foot into the air before Charlie scolded him, and I was dropped back on the couch so fast my teeth chattered.

Charlie and Renee gave us privacy to talk while they went into town to get dinner. We brushed over the awkward ‘Hey. How’s the cancer?’ topic, and moved onto who was doing what in La Push. They were almost finished with school, Sam and Emily were busy with wedding preparations, and Leah was taking night classes at Peninsula College.

“So, Charlie said you remember stuff now,” Jacob said hesitantly.

“I do. Though I am planning to use the amnesia excuse for birthdays and anniversaries.”

He laughed, but it was forced. I thought I knew where he was going with this.

“Do you remember anything about us?” Quil asked, confirming my suspicions.

“I remember plenty, but if you’re asking if I know that you turn into giant dogs, then I’d have to say no.”

They puzzled over that for a moment, then grinned in unison.

“And it doesn’t bother you?” Embry asked.

“Not really. As long as you’re housebroken, we can still be friends.”

“Do you remember them too?” Jake asked.

I sighed heavily. “Yes, I remember who they are, and what they are.”

“Are you still mad about what they did?”

“Not at all. I understand why they hid who they really were, and I’m grateful for the chance I had to be with them again. But I don’t want them to know what’s happening now.”

“But why? If you love him, why isn’t he here too?” Jake asked.

“Because I love him.” I explained the nature of vampire mating, and what would happen to him if I died.

“So if you die, he goes off and kills himself?” Jacob asked scathingly. “That’s bullshit.”

“I agree, but that doesn’t mean he won’t do it. The way I understand it, there are two choices for a vampire who loses their mate, vengeance or death. Victoria chose vengeance, Edward would choose death.”

“Oh yeah, you don’t know about her,” Jacob said eagerly. “The redhead is ashes.”

“You caught her?” I asked.

“We did our part,” Embry said proudly.

They took turns explaining the alliance between the pack and the Cullens, how they had trapped Victoria, and how Edward had killed her. I’d known he wasn’t dealing with his parents’ estate, but even after I knew the truth, I never imagined that he was in fact here killing Victoria. Protecting me again.

“He can’t know what’s happening,” I said emphatically as they finished their graphic description.

“But if he was here, he’d just bite you, right?” Embry said, disgust coloring his tone.

I shook my head sadly. “He wouldn’t. Edward believes that to become a vampire is to lose your soul, he wouldn’t doom me to what he sees as the worst kind of fate. He believes it is better to live as a human and have a chance at heaven, than to live as a vampire.”

We had no more time to discuss the matter as Billy and Sue arrived, followed by Sam and Emily.

Soon, Charlie’s small living room was full of warm bodies and bright voices. I luxuriated in the cheerful atmosphere, forgetting for the first time in a long time that I was sick, that my love was far away, and that I was facing a ticking clock, counting down the time I had left.

xXx

I started the chemo a week later, and at first it went well; I only had a little nausea, and no hair loss. Renee had gone back to Jacksonville, and Charlie back to work. I was feeling confident until two weeks into the cycle.

I woke one morning, took the dose as I did every day, and settled on the couch, listening to my iPod. I felt a wave of nausea, but that wasn’t uncommon and usually passed. This time it didn’t.

I barely made it to the bathroom, and once I had finished being sick, I was too weak to get to the phone. I pulled a towel down from the rail, made a pillow, and waited.

Charlie called home at lunch as he did every day. I heard the phone ringing, but couldn’t get downstairs again to answer it. Twenty minutes later, he found me on the bathroom floor and carried me to my bed.

That began the month of sickness. I couldn’t keep the pills down long enough for them to work, so I had to have the treatment administered through an IV. I refused to go into hospital; I was scared I was going to die, and if that was going to happen, I wanted to be at home. Sue took care of me when Charlie was at work. She was an RN, and Renee managed to persuade the insurance company to pay her as a home nurse.

Sometimes the guys were there, other times it was just me and whoever was taking care of me at the time. It rarely made a difference to me. I was past caring about people seeing me looking so pathetic, and I was only ever half aware of what was happening anyway.

Jacob put a calendar on the wall, and everyday someone crossed off a day, counting down to the end of the treatment cycle. On the very last day I made the mark myself, thanking God that it was over, and I had survived it.

xXx

While I had been lost in the haze of sickness, Billy, Jacob, and the rest of the pack had been preparing a surprise for me. They had arranged a small rental house in La Push for me.

Charlie drove me out to see it, and I fell in love; it was perfect. It was close to First Beach and had a small yard with a swing, so I could enjoy the rare sunny days Washington had to offer. A lot of my furniture from my house in Ithaca had been moved in, and the items that had been left behind were replaced by Emily and Sue, and a wad of cash.

The first dose of maintenance therapy made me feel almost as bad as it did before, but I focused on the fact that it was only for a week, and once that was over, I would be able to move into my new home. I had an agreement with Charlie that I would live in La Push for three weeks out of the month, and stay with him during treatment. It reminded me of the custody agreement he and Renee had worked out for me when I was a child.

The week before my second cycle was Graduation. I cheered hoarsely from the back of the hall as Jacob, Quil, and Embry collected their diplomas. I cried as they hugged me, and sent up a small prayer of thanks that I had at least been around to see it.

That night, bundled in blankets and parked in a patio chair, I celebrated with them at their bonfire party. When they decided to mark the seminal moment by streaking down the beach, I took a photo of them with nothing but their graduation caps to preserve their modesty.

A month later, I cried as I watched Sam and Emily say their wedding vows on the beach. Emily looked so beautiful, and Sam was so happy; the love between them was an almost tangible thing.

Emily’s niece Clare was an adorable flower girl, though she committed the slight faux pas of yanking up her dress halfway through the ceremony to scratch her butt.

I sent up another prayer of thanks.

By August I was feeling almost well. The side effects of the chemo were negligible and easy to manage, and I had been assured by my doctors that if I was going to lose my hair, it would have happened already. The patch I had lost after the surgery and radiation had grown back, though it was still not level with the rest.

I still wore my scarves, they had become a habit and shield against the world. The guys challenged each other to find one I wouldn’t wear; so far they had failed. I had a variety in garish colors and many decorated with obscenities. My favorite was black with a skull and crossbones that said Biker Bitch.

Though I was a long way from being able to run or even jog, I was able to walk on the beach every day. I loved to see the children playing in the shallows, and watch the pack goofing around on the sand. I was happy, or at least as happy as I was going to get without him.

xXx

I celebrated my twenty-first birthday by riding my bike from La Push to Charlie’s. Jake had brought it down for me, and though I knew I was well enough to ride, we hadn’t told Charlie what we were doing. He would likely have taken a sledgehammer to it to stop me.

His look of shock was priceless as I pulled up in front of his house, but I only paid it a moment’s attention as Renee was standing behind him. I hadn’t known she was coming up and literally fell into her arms, crying my happiness.

We ate Chinese take-out and they drank beer. Renee brought out a lopsided cake she had clearly made herself, beaming with pride.

“Make a wish,” she instructed, holding the cake to me. I made the same wish I always made on every star and every eyelash. I wished for a little more time.

xXx

Renee stayed for two weeks, the first week with me at Charlie’s while I had my last round of chemotherapy, then at my house in La Push. At the end of her second week, I had an appointment with my oncologist to go over the latest round of test results.

She and Charlie came with me to the hospital, but I went into the office alone. I didn’t know how much they had been told while I was too sick to care, but when I could manage it, I met with my doctors alone. I knew they had heard the ‘best case scenario’ I had been given with my diagnosis, but if, as I hoped, they were unaware of the more realistic timeline I was working with, I wanted to keep it that way.

I didn’t want every conversation to be about what was coming. I didn’t want to see them looking at me and wondering how much longer they had. I would prepare them when the time came, but that time was not yet.

The results were good, with no new cell division. If there was no change after the next round of tests, I could rest till the new year.

“How long?” I asked.

He took off his spectacles, and I fought the urge to laugh as he squinted at me. “There is no timeline now, Miss. Swan. What we are doing is working. If, and when, it stops working, that is when we discuss time.”

I thanked him and shook his proffered hand, then went back to share the good news with Charlie and Renee.  

xXx

Apparently, being a werewolf means you revert to the maturity level of a pre-teen in the run up to Halloween. The boys went trick-or-treating every night, but their idea of a ‘trick’ was a little different than what I was expecting. They would sneak into the backyard of those of us in on the secret and – for want of a better word – try to scare the crap out of them.

Sue was first. She was watching TV one evening, and when she turned around, Embry was looking through the window. He asked her to change the channel, and when she refused, he phased, sticking his enormous head through the window. Unfortunately for Embry, she was not remotely fazed by this. She grabbed a broom and proceeded to hit him on the head.

Emily and Kim didn’t fare as well as Sue. When their turn came around, they were pulling weeds in Emily’s small garden. Paul – never the smartest of the pack – thought he’d help out, and proceeded to pelt them with mud and unearthed plants. Suffice it to say, they weren’t pleased; Emily refused to let Paul into the house for the rest of the week, meaning he missed out on her cooking.

Jacob tipped me off when it was my turn, and Emily, Sue, and Kim came to my house and helped me plot. When Jared and Quil snuck into my yard, we bombarded them with eggs and flour. By the time we were done with them, their fur was white and dripping with egg yolk.

When I went to bed that night, hugging Grey to my chest, I sent up another prayer of thanks.

It wasn’t good enough. The headaches started the next day.

I arranged an appointment with the oncologist, and they did the scans. A week later, I was given the news that, though expected, rocked my world. It was spreading, it was changing, and it was bad.

I was given my treatment options: surgery that could give me ten months, or radiation that could give me eight.

“And if I do nothing?” I asked.

“You’ll be lucky to get five.”

I thanked him, shook his hand, and went to back to Charlie.

He saw it in my face before I even said a word. He blanched and swayed on his feet.

I gripped his arm, steadying him. “We need to call Renee,” I said calmly.

xXx

Renee and Phil arrived two days later. I was grateful for Phil’s presence, she would need him here. We sat in Charlie’s living room, cradling mugs of coffee in our hands, and I explained what I had been told.

“But there is no question,” Renee said. “If the surgery gives you the longest time, that is what you will do.”

“But there is a question. I can have up to two months longer with the surgery, but the recovery is harsh, those two months will be spent suffering. I tolerate radiotherapy well, if I have that, I will have more functional months.”

Renee argued, her words becoming screams as Charlie tried to reason with her. I pulled my knees to my chest, hiding my face in my hands, and wished for a cold embrace to comfort me.

xXx

I started radiation two days later. Charlie changed his shifts so he could come with me to the hospital in the morning and work in the evening.

I was tired, but not sick, and was able to stay in my house. The headaches were sometimes bad, but there were drugs for that. The feeling of being invaded was far worse; something foul was in my body, and there was nothing I could to stop it. There were no drugs for that kind of pain.

Three weeks before Christmas, a year since I had gone to the big white house to confront Edward, I was called into the doctor’s office.

Charlie came in with me; I suspected it was time, and I was right. The radiation wasn’t working, the cancer was growing and spreading. It was too late for surgery, but we could try chemotherapy. It could give me a little more time. Not nearly enough time.

“I don’t want to tell them yet,” I said as Charlie drove me home. It was the first time I had spoken since refusing the chemotherapy. “I want to have a good Christmas first.”

He nodded stoically, but as we passed under the glow of a street lamp, I saw the silver streaks of tears on his cheeks.

xXx

We had a good Christmas, Renee and Phil came, and Sue cooked for us all. I noticed the lingering looks between her and Charlie, and smiled to myself. He wouldn’t be alone after I was gone.

The day before Renee was due to go home, we sat down in Charlie’s living room. This time he was the one to explain.

I held Renee’s hand, but as he told her about my refusing chemotherapy, she dropped my hand as if burned.

“You’re giving up!” she accused.

“No, I am preserving my quality of life. I am living the best I can, while I can.”

“What does that matter if we can have longer with you?” she demanded.

I had no answer; no answer she would accept, anyway. She didn’t know how it felt to have your body betray you like this, she could only see how she felt. Of course she would want longer.

She snatched up her coat and marched from the house, slamming the door behind her.

“I’ll talk to her,” Phil said, embarrassed by her reaction. “She’s just in shock, she’ll come around.”

She didn’t. Whether Phil spoke to her or not, I didn’t know, but I didn’t see my mother again for a very long time. 

That night I searched through my bookshelves until I found a bulging notebook. I flipped through the pages, searching for something attainable, but there was nothing. Every goal I had for life was too much for me now.

When we celebrated New Years on the beach with the pack, I threw the book onto the bonfire. I watched it burn and fingered the scrap of paper I had torn from it. It was my one last goal, but it was as impossible as all the others.

#101 To see Edward one last time.

xXx

A week later, I sat with Jacob on the beach and told him what was happening. He was silent for a very long time, then at last he asked the question they all asked.

“How long?”

“A few months maybe, could be more, could be less. Let’s just say I’m not watching the previews for upcoming movies anymore.” I hoped my attempt at humor would make him smile, but it didn’t.

“It doesn’t have to be like this though. If he was here, he could save you.”

“Not without losing himself,” I said sadly. “He couldn’t do it, and to risk him knowing would ultimately kill him. Why do you think I have done this? I could have had him with me this past year, I could have been with the man I loved, but instead I chose to save him.”

“I think you’re just scared.”

“Of course I am. You think I want to die? I don’t. I want to live, and finish college, and get a job, and watch Charlie and Sue get married, but I don’t get to do those things. What I do get to do is die. I can’t control that, but I can save him.”

His eyes swam with tears as he turned to me. “I love you, Bella.”

He kissed me chastely, then got to his feet and ran back along the beach, leaving me staring after him.

xXx

Edward POV

I did as she asked. I let her live her life, and I lived mine.

I went to college and worked hard, and spent my nights doing an online course in counseling techniques. I didn’t know how much of it I would be able to use practically (my youth worked against me), but I was determined to try.

Emmett and Rosalie dropped out of college and travelled together for some months. Rosalie had made a list of things she wanted to do, and they were working through them.

Alice and Jasper stayed with me at Cornell and worked towards their degrees. Carlisle taught at the college and worked at the hospital, and Esme planned our next home. We were a family, we were sometimes happy, but there was always someone missing.

Alice didn’t look for Bella’s future, and other than a fleeting vision of Charlie calling me, which was gone as fast as it came, we knew nothing of her. I wondered what she was doing, whether she was back at college, or if she was still taking time off. I liked to imagine her living in Florida with her mother, she would enjoy the sunshine.

I didn’t go to her house much anymore, it was painful to be there without her. Occasionally the urge to find her was too great, and on those days I went and reminded myself that this was what she wanted.

We spent Christmas in Alaska with the Denali coven, and came home to Ithaca in the New Year. The day before Rosalie and Emmett were due to head off on their travels again, we went hunting together, a family outing that ended with a race back to the house. I was in the lead, almost to the boundary of our property when I caught a scent that made me grind to a halt.

Emmett ran past me, then he too came to a standstill. The family joined us a split second later.

“But, that’s a–”

“Werewolf.” I finished Esme’s sentence for her.

“Do you know who it is?” Carlisle asked. “Can you hear their thoughts?”

I shook my head. “They’re blocking them, which likely means it’s Jacob; he was the only one that ever managed it effectively.”

“Whenever you’re done with your little chat, I’ll be waiting,” a voice shouted. It was Jacob.

I felt a wave of excitement as I ran toward the house. He would have news of Bella, memories he could show me. I was greedy for them. 

He was sitting on the porch steps, a rucksack at his feet.

“Hello, Jacob,” Carlisle greeted amiably. “I must admit I’m surprised to see you here. Is everything okay?”

“Not really. I have news and there are things we need to discuss.”

Rosalie pursed her lips, weighing the unpleasantness of werewolf stink on the furniture against potential news of Bella. Bella won.

Carlisle opened the door and gestured him inside. As he entered, his nose wrinkled. We didn’t smell any better to him than he did to us.

“Can we get you anything?” Esme asked politely. “Something to eat or drink?”

“No thanks, I’m in a hurry. I have to get back before she works out where I’ve gone, and we have a lot to talk about.”

The atmosphere changed palpably as we all waited anxiously for him to speak. I wanted to hear about Bella, anything about Bella.

“I need one of you to do something for me,” he said. “I don’t care who does it, but someone has to.”

“Whatever we can do, we will of course help,” Carlisle said.

“You need to change Bella,” he stated.

There was absolute silence in the room for a moment as we all processed his request.

Rosalie found her voice first. “Why would we do that? She wanted her human life, she told us. She’s living now, why would we take that away from her?”

“Yeah, she’s living now, but she won’t be for long.” He raked a hand across his face tiredly. “I’m doing this all wrong,” he muttered.

He braced his hands on his knees and looked at me. “Bella’s sick. She’s been sick for a while, but now we’re out of time.”

There was a clamor of noise as they all asked questions and demanded answers. It was like white noise to me; all I heard was his words repeating over and over in my mind. “We’re out of time.” My hands curled into fists, my nails cutting crescents in my palms that healed instantly.

“Shut up!” I said harshly, raising my voice to a roar when they didn’t listen. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

They all fell silent, looking at me.

“Tell me what happened,” I commanded, looking at Jacob.

“After we left your house that day in Forks, she started remembering stuff. We went to Florida to see her doctor in the rehab centre she was in after she was hurt. They did scans and found the tumor.”

I groaned, hiding my face in my hands. A tumor. Why hadn’t I seen it before? The signs were there: the headaches, the tiredness, even the personality changes. I thought it was all because of the amnesia.

I didn’t realize I was speaking aloud until Jacob answered.

“We all did, even her doctor was thrown for a loop.”

“We cannot change that now, what’s done is done. Please continue, Jacob,” Carlisle said.

“It all happened fast after that. I had to go home, and she stayed in Florida for the treatment. After a few months, she was able to travel, and she came back to Forks. She was having chemotherapy, but they thought it was working, so she took a break. Then she had an appointment with her doctor, and they started the radiotherapy again. She didn’t tell me why,” he said desperately. “We all thought she was doing better, she looked better, she wasn’t sick like she was with the chemotherapy.”

“But now she is?” Alice asked.

“Yeah. I really thought she was getting better,” he said desperately. “Then a couple of days ago, she tells me it’s too late. The cancer has changed some other long ass name I don’t understand, but now she really is dying. Three months, maybe more, maybe less, according to her.”

My hands fisted in my hair. All this time I had been imagining the life she was living, the human life she deserved, and the whole time she had been fighting this thing.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I croaked. “Does she hate me that much?”

Jacob growled, his body shaking like a tuning fork as he fought to urge to phase. The tremors ceased, and he took a deep breath.

“No, you stupid shit, she loves you. You told her that if she died, you would too, so she tried to make sure you didn’t know. Everything she has done has been some big stupid plan to protect you. Now we’re out of time and someone has to save her. I’m hoping you’ll get over your bullshit about souls to do it, but if not, someone else has to.”

There was a blur of movement, then a stinging pain as Alice slapped me.

“Souls! All this is because of her soul! That’s why I didn’t see her as a vampire anymore, all your crap before about changing her made it an impossibility because she wouldn’t ask you to go against what you believe.”

She moved to strike me again, but Jasper locked his arms around her waist. Turning into his chest, she began to sob. 

“Well that saved me doing it,” Jacob said with satisfaction. “Now which of you is going to do it?”

Carlisle cleared his throat. “Forgive me for asking, but I assumed the idea of Bella as a vampire would be abhorrent to you.”

“It is,” he said sadly. “But the idea of her dead is worse.”

“How is Bella managing emotionally?” Esme asked.

“She’s doing pretty well, all things considered. Charlie isn’t doing so good, but he hides it well.”

His phone rang in his bag and he pulled it out, checking the caller ID. “I don’t think so,” he muttered, diverting the call. A minute later, it beeped with a waiting voicemail.

“It’s her. Do you want to hear it?”

“Please.” I was close to begging. I wanted to hear her voice again, I needed to hear her voice again.

He dialed up the message and held the phone up so we could hear easier. An automated voice announced one message waiting, and then it was her.

“Hey shithead, just because I’m dying, it doesn’t mean you get to ignore me. Stop making Charlie and Billy lie for you; I know damn well you aren’t with Rachel. Get your ass here now so I can kick it.”

Emmett snorted. “Nice, Bella.”

I choked a laugh, which turned into a gasping sob. Esme wrapped an arm around me, whispering soothing nonsense words as you would to a fretful child.

“It’s okay, we can save her now,” she soothed once I had gained some of my equilibrium.

“So you’re going to do it?” Jacob asked hopefully.

“I will do it,“ I said resolutely. “Not that it matters now, but I was already willing to before this. Ever since I saw her again, in fact. Everything just went so wrong.”

“What about Charlie?” Esme asked. “What are we going to tell him?”

“We tell him it was worth paying my airfare because I found you,” Jacob said. “He was the one who sent me out here. He doesn’t know what you are, of course, I think he’s hoping the doc will have some miracle cure lined up. But more than that, he wanted Bella to have a little happiness before she goes, and for that she needs you.”

They began making plans; Rosalie called airlines, Carlisle called the hospital and said there was a family emergency, and Alice packed our bags.

I sat watching the activity happening around me and thinking of my Bella. The situation was tragic, but the fact that I was going to see her again made my heart leap.

She needed me.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

There is comfort in movement. Navigating the airports, arranging the car rental, it was all comforting. But it only lasted until we got to the Forks house. Up till then we had a goal, something to focus on rather than the terrible reality of what had happened to Bella. Then there was nothing to distract us, but we still tried. 

We took dust sheets from the furniture and swept away cobwebs, but that didn’t take long, even at a human pace. Soon we were resigned to watching the clock, and waiting for it to be a reasonable hour to go to Charlie’s house.

Jacob had helped us plan our next move before he went home to La Push.  I was holding out hope that Bella’s prognosis of three months was an understatement. Jacob had told us as much as he could, but he was not the ideal source of information for the medical facts. Bella was living on the reservation, but visited Charlie most days. Carlisle and I were going to see him first, to try to find out as much of what had happened over the last year as he would tell us.

The others balked at the idea of waiting behind while we went to see her, Emmett and Alice especially.

“I want to see her too,” Emmett had said. “I’m not hiding out here and missing her.”

“You aren’t going to miss her, we will all see her in time,” Carlisle said. “But she went to a great deal of trouble to hide what was happening to her from us. It is going to be a shock for her when she realizes it was all in vain. We have to allow her time to process this.”

“Are we going to discuss why she felt the need to hide this from us at all?” Rosalie asked, fixing me with a stern glare. “Why the hell did you tell her that if she died, you would too?”

I girded myself for their reaction. “Because I would.”

She hissed. “You melodramatic--”

“Try to imagine how you would feel if you lost Emmett,” I said, interrupting her flow of ready insults.

She flinched, instinctively gripping his hand a little tighter.

“You see?” I said. “And for you all, that is just theoretical. There is little that could happen to separate any of you from your mate. Bella is human; from the moment I fell in love with her, I had to face the reality of losing her. I also had to face the reality of how I would feel if, and when, it happened. I once told her that if she was gone, death would be a mercy. It would.”

“But we’re changing her now, right?” Emmett said. “So it’s not going to happen. You won’t lose her, so you won’t die.”

“If it is what she wants,” I said firmly. “I will not take her choice away from her, but I will make the offer. I will also beg and plead if that’s what it takes to keep her with me.”

That had essentially ended the discussion, and we returned to our silent clock watching.

At eight o’clock, Carlisle and I climbed into the rented SUV and drove to Charlie’s. As we approached the house, we heard the low buzz of a news station, and his movements inside. I had to take a moment to compose myself before getting out of the car; the memories evoked by the small house threatened to overwhelm me.

Are you ready? Carlisle asked.

I took a deep breath and nodded.

Charlie heard the car doors slamming, and came to the window. He saw Carlisle first, and his often-muffled thoughts were crystal clear. Oh, thank God.

He swung the front door open as we reached the steps, his relief clear in his prematurely-lined face. “Boy, am I glad to see you.”

He gestured us inside and clicked off the TV.

“I’m so glad to see you,” he said again. “Jacob found you. I didn’t know that he would. I thought you might have moved. He said he would be able to, but I was thinking of calling the college if he couldn’t. But that would have been wrong, I could lose my job. Though what a job matters anymore, I don’t know, not when…” His babbling ceased as he ran a shaking hand over his eyes. “I’m sorry, it’s just so much to deal with.”

“It’s absolutely fine,” Carlisle said kindly. “We understand.”

“I have to hide it when she’s here. I think she sees it anyway; she sees everything.”

I smiled ruefully. She always had.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Carlisle asked. “Jacob told us a little, but we would very much appreciate anything else you could tell us.”

He sat back in his chair, and rested his hands in his lap. “Grade three Anaplastic Astrocytoma,” he said, with the tone of one who’d had this conversation many times before. “That’s what it was then, anyway. Now it’s a Glioblastoma, and it’s killing her. I have information, I asked for copies of it all.”

He struggled to his feet and pulled a bulging folder from a drawer.

Carlisle took it and flipped through the pages. His mind analyzed each fact greedily, looking for a mistake or inconsistency. There were none. At the back of the file was an envelope of scans. He held them up to the light, and I saw what he saw, the monster invading my love’s brain.

“Those are the most recent pictures,” Charlie said. “She had them done about three weeks ago, that’s when she stopped the treatments.”

“Was there really nothing else they could do?” I asked.

“They said chemotherapy could give her a little longer, but she didn’t want it. She was so sick when she had the chemo; it was no way to live. Renee couldn’t handle it, she hid from it, but I was there for it all. I took care of her.” There was a certain measure of pride in his tone, well deserved pride.

“I’m sorry to say there is nothing else I can suggest either,” Carlisle said sadly. “She’s had good doctors; there is nothing else I would have done differently. Unfortunately, the nature of these tumors makes treatment palliative rather than curative. I truly am sorry, I love Bella very much. We all do.”

“I figured, but I had to try anyway,” he sighed. “I knew it was coming; when they gave us her diagnosis, they talked about five years, but I knew it wouldn’t be that long. When she was at her worst, I spoke to the doctors again, and they said it was closer to eighteen months. She knew all along, but tried to hide it from us. I didn’t tell her I knew too. She was trying to protect us, and it would have been cruel to take that away from her, too.” He fixed me with an assessing look. “Just like she did with you.”

I nodded. “Something else we have in common.”

He laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, you two have got some real skewed ideas on protection. I don’t know what she told you, or even how she told you, but I know my daughter. She knew she was going to suffer, and she wouldn’t have wanted you to suffer, too.”

The phone rang and he jumped up to answer it. “Bells?”

“You know most people answer with hello,” she teased.

I heard his whispered relief. “A good day.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said smiling. “So, you on your way over?”

“I am. Emily is dropping me off on her way into town. If you ask nicely, I’ll get her to take me to Sweet P’s on the way in for donuts.”

“That’d be great. Take your time. Make sure Emily keeps to the speed limits.”

“Okay,” she said doubtfully, then her tone changed to gleeful. “Is Sue there? Because I can come later if you two need some time to… you know.”

“Isabella!”

I heard her laughter just before she hung up.

“She certainly sounds like she’s in good spirits,” Carlisle observed.

“Yeah, I think she’s handling this all better than the rest of us. It helps that it’s a good day, sometimes the headaches are bad, and it gets her down.”

Charlie sank into his chair again and looked to me. “I hoped I’d have more time to work up to this, but she’s on her way over, so I have to bite the bullet.” He fixed me with a contemplative look. “You love my daughter?”

“I do.” I said. “More than anything in the world.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “She’s dying, and I want her time to be as happy as possible. For that, she needs you. I know you’re young, and you have college to think about, but I want you to stay with her. You can make her happier than anyone else can.”

There was no question. Even if I did not have the ability to save her, I would stay with her. She was my life.

“Of course I will stay,” I said sincerely. “That is why we are here, all of us. Carlisle has taken time from the hospital, and my siblings and I are deferring college. We all want to be with her, as long as it is what she wants.”

“Thank you.” His gratitude was heartfelt. “I wish I had done this sooner, I thought about it. She got pneumonia, and she was real sick. I thought I was going to lose her.”

His eyes were haunted as his thoughts dwelled on the image of Bella in a hospital bed. She raved with fever, calling out… Oh God.

“Excuse me,” I said hoarsely, and bolted from the house.

I heard Carlisle’s apologetic explanation and Charlie’s understanding words, but they barely registered. It all made sense now. Alice had seen Charlie calling because Bella was asking for me. She needed me, and I hadn’t been there.

I rested my forehead against the trunk of a spruce, my hands clawing at the bark as I fought for control of myself. I wanted to cry, I wanted to crush the tree, but most of all, I wanted to hold her.

As if my desire had summoned her, I heard a car pull up in front of the house, and a car door opening. She was here. She thanked her friend for the ride, and told her that Charlie would drive her home later.

Her voice had changed, it was quiet and husky. I hadn’t noticed it on the phone, but now it was clear to hear. Her footsteps were slower than before, she moved cautiously. I walked to the side of the house just in time to see her scaling the steps to the door. She didn’t see me, her eyes were on our car, confusion furrowed her brow. She was different, thinner and paler. Her beautiful hair was concealed by a scarf.

“Hey Dad. I come bearing donuts,” she said as she unlocked the door.

“I’m in here,” he called from the living room. “We have visitors.”

“We do?”

I watched from Carlisle’s eyes as she entered the lounge and caught sight of him. The box of donuts dropped from her nerveless fingers, and she gripped the door frame to steady her swaying body.

“Hello, Bella,” Carlisle greeted, his pleasure at seeing her making his smile wide.

“Carlisle.” Her voice was a breathy whisper, and tears sprang to her eyes. “Is he here?”

There was no doubting who she was referring to. I came into the house behind her, and reached out to touch her arm.

“I’m here.”

She gasped and spun to face me. Her knees gave way, and I caught her in my arms, lowering us both to the floor. She clung to me with all her feeble strength, and, for the first time in over a year, I was able to hold her.

Not caring that Charlie could see, I swept her into my arms in one lithe movement and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. I sat on the bed, settling her on my lap and wrapping her in a blanket. My hands moved of their own volition, tracing her arms and back. I could feel her bones protruding through her clothes; she had lost so much weight, all the muscle tone she had built running was gone.

She was doing the same to me. Her thin hands ran over my arms and face, tracing each curve.

The sight of her so frail and sick broke the dam inside me, and I sobbed into her neck.

“You were going to leave me. You were going to die, and I would have been left all alone.”

“It’s okay,” she soothed. “You’re going to be okay.”

“How can I possibly be okay if you aren’t here?” I asked plaintively. “I can’t live without you.”

“You have to,” she said simply, her thin hands caressing my face. “You have to live without me.”

“I don’t want to,” I choked.

She held me to her, whispering soothing words and pressing gentle kisses to my face. It took a long time for me to gain control of myself again.

“I’m sorry,” I gasped, when I had finally regained my composure. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you, and here I am falling apart.”

“It’s okay,” she said with a wry smile. “You’re not the first person, and I doubt you’ll be the last. Now can you let me up please, we have to talk.”

I released her reluctantly, and she shifted to sit at the other end of the bed.

“I have done all I could to protect you from this, but it didn’t work. I’m dying, and I know you think that means you will too, but it doesn’t.”

“I can’t live without you,” I said simply.

“This isn’t some great romantic tragedy Edward, you aren’t Romeo and I’m not Juliet. You think I haven’t felt like that? In the days after you left, death would have been preferable to how I felt, but I didn’t consider it. I owed Charlie and Renee better than that. You have even more reason to live, you have a family. Dammit, you have forever.”

“It’s not the same. I love my family, but I know any of them would make the same choice if they lost their mate.”

“Then you’re all idiots!”

I heard Carlisle disguise his laugh as a cough. He could hear every word she was saying, and he was pleased she was confronting me about this.

“What difference does it make if I am in the world living my life, or dead, if we aren’t together anyway?” she asked.

“It would matter to me. This isn’t me being melodramatic, or whatever else you are thinking, this is my nature as a vampire. If you died, the pain would be unbearable. I couldn’t live like that.”

Tears streamed down her face as she looked at me. “I don’t want to leave you, or Charlie, or Renee, or Jacob, but I have no choice. I tried, I fought it so I could stay, but it wasn’t enough. This thing is killing me. Please don’t let it kill you, too.”

“What if you didn’t have to die? I can save you.”

She looked at me blankly. Alice was right, my opposition to her change before was so ingrained that even now, she didn’t realize what I was offering.

“I could change you.”

“Oh Edward,” she sighed. “I love you, and I love that you are offering, but we both know that’s not what you want.”

“It is,” I said emphatically. “I have wanted it ever since I found you again in Ithaca. I realized then that I wanted you forever, but couldn’t tell you. Now I can. I want you to be changed. Even if you weren’t sick, I would be saying this.”

She shook her head. “I don’t understand, you hated the idea before.”

“I did, and then I was away from you for two years. I realized my mistake and knew I couldn’t bear to be away from you again. Then you were gone again, the only thing that made that possible was that I believed it was what you wanted. Now I am here and asking you, no begging you, to let me change you. Please let me save you.”

She was quiet for a very long time, just staring at me as I battled to control the sobs that were threatening to overwhelm me. Then she nodded.

“Is that a yes?” I asked, hope burgeoning in my chest.

“Yes, I’m saying you can change me. You can save me.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I chanted, pulling her into my arms and raining kisses on her cheeks. I didn’t realize I was sobbing again until I heard her whispered reassurances.

“It’s okay,” she soothed, running her hands through my hair. “We’re both going to be okay.”

She held me for a long time, even after I regained control of myself; I stayed with my head buried in the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent and luxuriating in the sensation of her warm skin against me. I felt almost drunk with relief. She was here in my arms, she was going to let me change her.

“We need to go downstairs,” she said eventually.

“We do?” I asked.

“Yes, Carlisle is here, and I barely said hello. And I need coffee.”

“I could bring you coffee,” I offered. “And Carlisle just heard you say hello, he doesn’t need more than that.”

She laughed, and the sound made my heart swell.

“I forgot what a toddler you could be about sharing. Come on, let’s not be rude.”

I released my hold on her, grumbling loudly. She got to her feet and rooted through a drawer for a hairbrush. She untied her scarf and tossed into onto the bed. Her hair was different, there was an area of uneven length where she must have had it shaved for the surgery.

I knew she was showing me the difference, testing my reaction. I stood and ran my fingers through the silky strands carefully. I could feel the faint scar where they had operated. It was a horrible thought that just beneath my fingers was the thing that was killing her, but I made sure to keep my expression serene.

“Beautiful,” I whispered against her ear, then I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her. It was slow and passionate, and made me think of the last night we spent together, the night we made love. “Always so beautiful.”

She sighed with relief, and started to retie the scarf.

“Leave it down,” I said. “You look beautiful without it, and I miss playing with your hair.”

She hesitated for a moment, then threw the scarf down onto the bed with a small smile.

Carlisle stood as we entered the lounge, but was unsure how to greet Bella. In Ithaca, they had not developed the closeness that they had before we left Forks. He was uncertain which Bella he was dealing with, the one he could greet with a hug, as he wished to, or the one who had once dubbed him Dr. Douche.  

She solved the dilemma for him by stepping forward and wrapping her arms around him. “Hello, Carlisle.”

He smoothed her hair back, smiling widely. “Hello, Bella, it is wonderful to see you again.”

She smiled and sat on the edge of Charlie’s chair, her arm draped loosely over his shoulders. The easy way they interacted was a clear sign of the close relationship they had developed over the course of her illness.

This is going to be very difficult, Carlisle observed, noting the same closeness I had seen. She cannot just disappear.

I frowned. I didn’t want Charlie to be hurt, but I had to save Bella.

Don’t let it worry you now, enjoy your time with Bella. We will talk about it later.

“Well, I should head home,” he said. “Esme will be waiting to hear all about our visit.”

“Esme is here?” Bella asked, her eyes dancing with excitement.

“They’re all here,” I said. “Carlisle and I came alone so we wouldn’t overwhelm you, but they are anxious to see you. Do you feel up to a visit?”

“Definitely,” she said, grinning.

“Bells?” Charlie watched her cautiously.

“I’ll come back early, and we can spend the evening together.”

“You know that’s not what I’m worried about,” he said sternly.

“Carlisle’s a doctor, what’s the worst that can happen?”

He flinched involuntarily. She saw the movement, and squeezed his shoulder. “It’ll be fine, Dad. Why don’t you give Carlisle and Edward the talk while I get my stuff together?”

“Do you have to make it sound like I’m giving lectures on safe sex?” he groaned. 

“Well, they may not start out that way, but... remember what happened with Jacob?”

He snorted. “Point taken.”

She went back upstairs, and I heard her sorting through drawers and stuffing things into a bag.

“The talk?” Carlisle asked.

“Yeah,” Charlie sighed. “You’re a doctor, so most of this is obvious, but I’ll feel better if I say it anyway. You have to watch her, she doesn’t always like admitting when she’s feeling bad, especially if she’s having fun. If she rubs her temple, she’s getting a headache. The sooner she takes the pills, the better, but she doesn’t like them because they make her sleep too much. She’s had seizures before, and with the swelling, we’ve been told to expect then again, but so far, no big ones. Sometimes she has these little ones that look more like she’s just zoning out for a while. She’s okay, but she doesn’t always remember what happened after. If anything happens, call me straight away, even if she tells you not to.”

“Has he told you about the risk of me bursting into flames yet?” she asked, coming back into the living room. “Because it only happened that one time, and the burns healed really well.”

I gaped at her. How on earth had she managed to catch fire? I searched her exposed skin for signs of scarring, but there were none.

“Relax, son, she’s teasing,” Charlie said.

I felt an idiot for being duped, but as she burst into fits of hysterical laughter at my bewildered expression, I realized it was worth it. I would make it my mission to see her laugh like that every day from now on.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

Carlisle offered to drive us over to the house, but Charlie suggested I borrow the truck so I could drive Bella home.

I hid my groan with effort. I hadn’t thought to rent a car for myself, I was too preoccupied with getting to Bella to think about it. Now my oversight meant that I was doomed to drive Bella’s antique of a truck.

He tossed me a set of keys. “You can hang onto those while you’re in town. I can use the cruiser.”

I looked down at the keys in my hand and realized they weren’t the old fashioned metal keys for Bella’s truck; these were the newer laser cut style.

Bella saw my confusion and smiled. “Come out and see Charlie’s baby.”

She shouldered her bag and led me out to the drive. Parked beside Bella’s ancient truck was a black SUV. I hadn’t noticed it before, as I was too distracted by Bella.

“Nice, huh?”

“Very nice,” I said appreciatively.

“Charlie had a bit of a spending splurge when I came home. Lucky for him, I had a generous buyer for the Ithaca house, so we weren’t forced to live on ramen noodles. A very generous buyer, in fact.” She fixed me with a stern look.

I smiled guiltily. “Do you mind?”

“No. I liked the idea that it was still kinda ours. Did you go there much?”

“At first I did. I would go there at night and lie on your bed, pretending you were with me. After a while it became too painful, so I stopped going unless I was struggling especially without you. I could go there then, and remind myself it was what you wanted.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest. “It was never what I wanted, but what I thought I had to do to save you.”

“How did you do it?” I asked “I had the house and photos to cling to, you had nothing.”

“I had Grey. Jacob sent him down to Florida for me, and he’s been with me ever since.”

The thought made me smile. I wished I had been there to hold her though all of this, but at least she had something of me to hold.

I opened the door for her, noting the way she clung to the door frame as she got in, a subtle sign that she was not as strong as she once was. I started the engine and pulled out onto the road. I held her hand across the console as we drove, enjoying the feeling of her warm hand in mine.

As we approached the turn into our driveway, I chuckled.

“What’s funny?” she asked. 

“Alice,” I said simply. “She knows we are on our way, and is fighting the urge to look and see when we will arrive. Poor Jasper is going crazy trying to calm her down while dealing with the emotions from the rest of the family.”

“Well let’s not keep them waiting any longer.” She leaned across the console and slammed her hand on the horn, announcing our arrival.

I snorted. “That didn’t help. Now Jasper is really suffering, and Esme has barred the door so they can’t run out to meet us.”

“Then put your foot down. You used to be all about the speed, what happened?”

I looked at the speedometer, and was surprised to see I was only going a little over thirty. “Huh, I guess I was trying to prolong our time before I had to share you again.”

“Unfortunately for you, this is one of the rare times I want to be shared.”

Reluctantly, I increased out speed and drove along the tree-lined driveway to the house. Esme had evidently given up on keeping them in the house, as they were all waiting on the porch. Carlisle had spoken to them before we arrived. He had warned them what to expect when they saw her and the differences in her appearance, but there was still an audible gasp as we came into view. He had also had a stern talk with Emmett, warning him to be careful with her, and under no circumstances should he throw her over his shoulder. I could hear his nervous thoughts as we pulled up in front of the house. Bella is a baby bird, Bella is a baby bird. You have to be careful with a baby bird.

I understood the analogy Carlisle had used, but it made Emmett sound like Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

I leaned over and whispered in her ear. Telling her what had happened, and what Emmett was thinking.

“Just like Lenny,” she snorted.

I got out of the car and was at her door before she had a chance to unlock her seat belt. I held out a hand to help her from the car, noting how tightly she clung to me.

Alice dashed forward and then stopped in front of Bella, her arms half raised, her expression uncertain.

“You can hug me, Alice,” she said. “I’m not going to break.”

With exceptional gentleness, Alice embraced her. “I missed you,” she whispered.

“Me too, so much.” I saw the tears welling in Bella’s eyes.

Esme came forward and hugged her gently, a sob ripping from her throat.

“It’s okay,” Bella soothed, patting her back. “It’s okay.” Once again she was the one comforting the people around her, when it should have been the reverse.

Carlisle rubbed Esme’s shoulders, and she released Bella and clung to him instead, hiding her face against his chest.

Emmett was wavering on his feet. He wanted to hug her too, but was scared he would hurt her.

“You not going to hug me, Em?” she asked, quirking a brow.

“You’re so little,” he said stupidly.

“And you’re so huge, but I think if you’re careful, we’ll manage.”

He laughed, reassured by her teasing. He hugged her gently, and she gripped him back with all her paltry strength.

Rosalie and Jasper stood awkwardly at the door. Jasper hadn’t formed much more of a relationship with her in Ithaca than he had when we were here before. Rosalie was dealing with a more extreme version of the same dilemma Carlisle had. In Forks she had hated Bella, and made no secret of it, but in Ithaca they were friends. Unlike with Carlisle, Bella didn’t take the lead with Rosalie; she smiled at her and Jasper, but didn’t move to greet them further.

We went into the lounge and sat on the couches. Bella sat beside me, and I wrapped an arm around her. Alice sat on her other side, resting her head on her shoulder.

“It’s weird being here again,” she said, looking around the room.

“If you’re uncomfortable, we can go somewhere else,” I offered.

“No, it’s okay. Though if we could make this visit a little less dramatic than the last two times I was here, I’d be very grateful.”

Jasper stiffened, reacting to the emotions of the room as we each considered her words.

The last time she had been here, it was to confront us about our lies, and the time before that, Jasper had lost control when she got a paper cut. I tried to force those memories from my mind, and concentrated on the happier moments we had shared here.

“Can I ask about that?” Esme said tentatively.

Bella nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Are you angry that we didn’t tell you the truth?” she asked.

“I was at first, angrier than I had ever been in my life. College was supposed to be my fresh start; nobody knew who I was, or what had happened to me. When I found out that you had known all along, I felt betrayed, like it was all some big joke.”

“We never–” Esme started, but Bella held up a hand to stop her.

“I know that now, but at the time I had no idea who and what you had been to me; I didn’t remember until much later. On my first morning in Florida, Phil and I had a talk. He asked me if the pain of the lies was worse than the pain of being away from Edward.” 

“But you didn’t come back,” Emmett said sadly. “Were the lies worse?”

“No, though in all honesty, I never had to make that decision. That day I went to FINR, and everything moved quickly after that. Within a couple of days, my biggest concern switched from whether or not I could face seeing you all again and knowing you lied, to whether or not I was going to survive them cutting into my brain.”

I flinched reflexively, and she squeezed my hand reassuringly. 

“So, no, I’m not angry. Even if things had worked out differently and I had more time to think, I would have got over it. I never stopped loving Edward, even when I was furious at him. Ultimately, I was just grateful for the extra time I had with you all. I thought I explained that in the letter I sent.”

“You did,” Jasper said stiffly. “But you also told us you were taking time off college to experience the things the world had to offer.”

He didn’t mean it unkindly, but he was angry at the situation that both Bella’s and my actions had caused. His whole world revolved around Alice, she was his everything. He knew how she had hurt when Bella asked us to let her live her life, and then finding out what had happened to her while we weren’t there. 

“I didn’t lie. I was experiencing the world, just not the way you all imagined,” she said unapologetically. “I regret that I’ve never really had a chance to get to know you, Jasper, but one thing I do know about you is how much you love Alice. Put yourself in my position. If you knew you were going to die, and in doing that you would kill her too, wouldn’t you do all you could to protect her?”

He instinctively pulled Alice a little closer to him.

She smiled knowingly. “Of course you would, you all would. I had to protect Edward, so I kept him, and the rest of you, away.

“Didn’t you miss us?” Alice asked.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Bella said, hugging Alice to her side. “Even knowing why it had to be a secret, there were still times when I wanted to give up and call one of you. I used to amuse myself with the memories though; Emmett’s insane attempt at acting human when we went jogging was one of my favorites.”

I laughed, thinking back to that day. That was the day I thought I felt the bond reforming, and then knew it was when she kissed me for the first time since we had been apart.

“So do you remember everything now?” Rosalie asked, looking a little nervous. She was worried that Bella remembering their first encounter would negate all the progress they had made. 

“I think so. There aren’t any black spots as far as I can tell, but it’s kinda confusing. It’s like having two sets of memories.”

“How so?” Carlisle asked, his curiosity piqued.

Her brow furrowed as she tried to articulate her answer. “It’s like I met you all twice, which, I guess technically, I did. I remember meeting you for the first time in the hospital after the van crash,” she said, addressing Carlisle. “But I also remember meeting you in a classroom at Cornell. Each time feels like the first time, but they have very different feelings associated with them. I understand what happened, and why you were so harsh, but the emotion with the memory is negative.”

“I truly am sorry about that,” he said apologetically. “I was unnecessarily rude.”

“A little douchey, in fact,” Emmett said, grinning broadly. “Wouldn’t you say so, Doc?”

Her eyes widened, her cheeks flaming. “Oh crap, I was really hoping you hadn’t heard about that.”

“It’s okay,” he assured her. “It was deserved. Though if we could refrain from using it again, I would be very grateful.”

“Agreed. Do you see what I mean, though? I have two set of memories for the first time I met you all. It’s a bit confusing. It makes the relationships confusing too.” She looked at Rosalie curiously. “You hated me the first time, but in Ithaca we were friends. What was different?”

“You were different,” Rosalie said. “My feelings about you before were largely based on the threat you posed to our life. You weren’t a threat when we saw you again; you didn’t know what we were, and didn’t want to, either.”

“But what happens now I that know again? Am I a threat now, or am I your friend?”

“You're my friend. You're the person who made me feel human, even when you knew I wasn't. You are the one who made me appreciate the fact that I have an eternity, and was wasting it. You're the person who made me wear flannel pajamas."

“Wow, Rose, you should write Hallmark cards,” Alice deadpanned.

We laughed, Bella most of all. The sound warmed my heart.

“Okay,” she said when her laughter had trailed off to giggles. “Now that we’ve established that Rosalie doesn’t hate me, is there anything else you want to know?”

Rosalie opened her mouth, then snapped it shut again.

“Whatever you want to know, just ask,” Bella said. “I’m not promising I’ll answer, but there is no harm in asking.”

“How did it feel? I mean, when they told you–” 

“Rose!” Esme hissed.

“No, it’s a fair question. You’re immortal, after all; you’ve got to be curious about how it would feel to know you were going to die.” She took a deep breath, wrapping her arms around herself in an unconscious gesture of protection.

“I was terrified. Everything I did, everyone I saw, became so much more significant, because I never knew if it would be the last time. I wished for longer and tried to appreciate what I did have. Just after Halloween, the headaches started, and I knew I was running out of time. Three weeks ago, I was told I was out of time. That was actually a relief.”

“It was a relief?” Esme gasped. “Did you want to die?”

I hissed, holding Bella a little closer to me.

“I didn’t want to die,” she said emphatically. “I don’t want to die, but I knew from the beginning that it was going to happen anyway. Once I knew how long I had left, I could prepare myself, and the people I loved. That was the relief.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know. You aren’t the first person to have that reaction. Renee couldn’t understand it either; she thinks I’ve given up. She walked out when we told her what was happening, and now she won’t even answer my calls.”

Alice hissed a curse. Her thoughts were graphic in her anger for Renee.

Emmett was not so subtle. “What a bitch!”

“It’s not her fault,” Bella said calmly. “She just can’t bear to watch it happen, I understand that. These past few years have been really tough on her and Charlie. First with the ‘accident’, and now this. I’ve certainly given them plenty to worry about.”

“None of which is your fault,” Jasper said, evidently sensing her guilt.

She acknowledged his words with a vague nod, but I could tell she didn’t really believe it. She always took too much on herself, even with things that were out of her control.

“Bella,” Alice began in a wheedling tone. “Can I ask something?”

“Yes, Alice.” She smiled fondly.

“I know it’s invasive and rude, but can I please look for your future now? With everything that’s happening, it would be easier on us all if I didn’t have to block you.”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “I thought you already were looking. Didn’t you have a vision of what was happening?”

“No, I haven’t looked for you at all since you left that day.”

“Then how did you know? Did Charlie call?”

“Not exactly,” I said evasively.

“Then how did…” Her eyes widened. “Jacob! That stupid shit!”

“He was trying to help,” I explained.

“By getting you killed!” Her voice was rising in her anger. “He knew, dammit! He knew what would happen. No wonder he wouldn’t answer his phone. Phone…” She patted her pockets, then looked around the room.

“Your bag is in the car,” I said warily, half afraid she would turn her anger on me. “Would you like me to get it?”

“No, I’ll get it.” I handed her the keys, but when I stood to follow her out, she waved me back down again. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay, what the hell was that?” Emmett asked when she was out of earshot. “I get that she’s pissed at Jacob, but that was extreme anger for Bella.”

“It’s the tumor,” Carlisle explained. “It can make emotional responses erratic.”

My fists clenched in my lap. I hated that this was happening to her. The fact that it was changing who she was as a person, too, was cruel.

I wanted to go out to her, but was worried that it would only make her angrier. I watched as she dialed Jacob’s number and left him a threatening message, interspersed with a great deal of cuss words.

“Like flicking a switch,” Jasper said thoughtfully. “The anger is gone, and now she’s embarrassed.”

“Sorry about that,” she said apologetically, coming back inside and sitting beside me. “Things can get a little intense sometimes.”

“It’s quite alright,” Carlisle said. “We understand.”

She smiled appreciatively. “So, now I’ve demonstrated the crazy side of cancer, how about you fill me in on what you’ve all been up to this past year.”

“Me and Rosie have been travelling,” Emmett said happily. “She has a list of things we have to do. We went bungee jumping.”

She looked at Rosalie, a small smile teasing the corners of her mouth. “Bucket list?”

Rosalie nodded.

“What’s a bucket list?” Carlisle asked.

“It’s a list of things you want to do in life,” Rosalie explained. “If you don’t have a plan, you’ll never get them done.”

Bella snorted. “No one lives forever. How did you not laugh?”

I was confused, and judging by the blank looks from the rest of the family, I wasn’t the only one. Whatever they were talking about, it seemed to make sense to Rosalie as she smiled.

“Because you made a good point; I may have forever, but it was being wasted until you told me about your list. Though I admit I had trouble not laughing when you gave me that notebook. Do you remember what you said?”

Bella considered for a moment, then laughed. “When the sun catches it just right…”

“It sparkles,” Rosalie finished for her. “Me and Em have been working through it all year, do you want to see?”

“Definitely,” Bella said eagerly.

Rosalie ran upstairs and came back clutching a battered and bulging notebook. “Move over, Alice.” She squeezed onto the couch between Alice and Bella, and handed Bella the notepad.

“See the pyramids,” she exclaimed, flipping through the pages. “I never thought of that one. Did you really go to Disneyland?”

“We had to go the one in Paris; the weather is more vampire-friendly there, but we still had a great time. Emmett was a total child about meeting Mickey Mouse”

“I hope you took photos.”

Rosalie nodded and pulled a sheaf of photos from the back of the book.

“Does anyone else feel like they’ve slipped into The Twilight Zone?” Jasper murmured.

I nodded dumbly. I didn’t understand half of what they were talking about, but they seemed happy. More than that, Bella seemed happy; her eyes were alight with excitement, and for a while at least, it was possible to forget just how dire her situation was.

“How about you?” Rosalie asked. “Did you get much done?”

She shook her head sadly. “I was too late, after all.”

“So you’ve got one of these lists too?” Emmett asked.

“I had one. When I realized I wasn’t going to be able to do any of it, I threw it on the bonfire at New Year’s. I was wrong, though. I accomplished one thing today that I never thought I would.”

She rooted through her pocket, pulled out a scrap of paper, and handed it to me. Scrawled across it in her familiar handwriting was #101 See Edward Again.

“See? Even when I was trying to save you, I was still wishing you were here.”

I pulled her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her, holding her close to me. “Now I am, and we can make a new list together.”

She leaned into my embrace. “A new list sounds like a good idea.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

That afternoon, I drove Bella back to Charlie’s house so she could spend time with him before she went home for the night. We had barely pulled out of the driveway before she fell asleep. She had been lagging all day, but was unwilling to give up time with the family to sleep.

Charlie had apparently been waiting for our arrival, as he came out onto the porch as I pulled up. He smiled tenderly when he saw her curled up on her seat. “Can you carry her in?” he asked. “I don’t like to wake her.”

“Of course.” I scooped her into my arms and carried her inside.

“I’ve got a bed made up on the couch,” he said. “I know she’s got the bed upstairs, but I like to be able to sit with her.”

I settled her on the couch, and he covered her with a blanket, running a slightly shaking hand though her hair as she burrowed deeper into the pillow.

Carlisle was right, this was going to be very difficult. She could not just disappear, and he would never let her go willingly.

“Are you staying?” he asked.

“No. I have to get back to the family for a while; there are things we need to discuss.”

“I’m not sure if she’s staying here tonight or going home, but if she’s here, there is a key under the eave. Feel free to come and go as you wish.”

I smiled guiltily. I had been planning to use my old entrance of her bedroom window to be with her, but this made things much easier.

“Thank you, Charlie.”

“I just want her to be happy,” he said sadly.  

When I got back to the house, the family was still congregated in the living room, waiting for me.

“Is she okay?” Esme asked as I joined them on the couches.

“She fell asleep on the way home,” I explained. “Charlie said it’s normal for her to sleep in the afternoons, and she’s certainly had enough excitement today to wear her out.”

“We had a call while you were away,” Carlisle said. “Sam Uley has asked to meet with us to discuss Bella’s change. I think we need to be prepared for a certain degree of hostility from the pack; he didn’t sound happy when I spoke to him.”

“But I thought they’d agreed to this already,” Emmett said. “Jacob was the one who came to us, after all.”

“He did, but Sam is the Alpha of the pack,” Carlisle said. “He is the one who has the final say on how this affects the treaty.”

Emmett clenched his fists. “I don’t give a shit what they say. Bella told Edward she wants the change, so she’s going to be changed. How much of a threat can the dogs pose, anyway?”

“I am not going to allow them to stop us from changing her,” Carlisle said firmly. “But I would like to keep violence to a minimum. They are Bella’s friends, after all.”

“And Bella is all about the self-sacrifice,” Rosalie said dryly. “If they are opposed, there is no guarantee she would go against them.”

Carlisle’s expression was grave. “I fear we have another issue to deal with as well: Charlie. Bella cannot just disappear, it would destroy him.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” I said. “Charlie’s priority now is to make Bella happy. I think if we offered to take Bella somewhere special for these months, he would agree. Even if she hadn’t agreed to be changed, I would want her to be somewhere other than this dark, miserable town when she…”

I couldn’t finish the words; I refused to even think of it. She was going to be changed, and she would be fine. If I considered the alternative, I feared I would lose my mind altogether. 

“It would certainly simplify things,” Jasper said, his strategic mind working out the possibilities. “It would be far easier to stage her death if there was no one there. Esme’s island would be best. It is a realistic place for her to want to be, and given the complex laws for transporting human remains, we could say she was cremated.”

“What about the ashes?” Rosalie asked. “Charlie would want her remains for a funeral.”

“That can easily be arranged,” Jasper said. “There are plenty of unclaimed bodies for people without a next of kin.”

“No!” she gasped. “We can’t just send him an urn full of some poor homeless person. That’s sick.”

“If you have an alternative option, I’m all ears.”

I looked at Alice. “Can you see if it would work?”

Bella told Alice she could look for her future, but even if she hadn’t, Alice would have looked for this anyway. It was too important to trust to chance. I made a solid decision to talk to Charlie about taking Bella away, and watched with her as she searched the future. She was unable to get a fix on the vision; each time, she was met with the same black void the wolves created.

“Look further,” I suggested. “See if you can see us on the island.”

Her brow furrowed as she concentrated. She followed my path first, as I was easier for her to see, given our bond. There was a flash of images, too many different possibilities to focus on. She switched to Bella’s future, and the last image made me hiss.

Her eyes opened and she looked at me, horrified.

“Why?” I moaned.

“I don’t know. I can’t even see us there, it’s just her and Charlie. Why wouldn’t we be there?”

“What’s happening?” Esme demanded. “What did you see?”

“Try again. Look for Charlie, Renee, anyone,” I said desperately.

She searched again, but this time it was a wave of different images. Each as devastating as the last. 

Edward, what are you seeing? Carlisle asked. I shook off his question. I couldn’t vocalize it; to do so would make it real. 

“We’re not there,” Alice said, clinging to Jasper.

I got to my feet and paced, unable to contain the pain that threatened to overwhelm me.

“Someone tell me what’s happening,” Emmett demanded.

“Bella dies,” Alice said. Her voice was no more than a whisper.

I felt the shock wave of pain as all thoughts processed her words.

“No she doesn’t!” Emmett said adamantly. “She’s going to be changed.”

“Each time it’s different,” Alice said quietly. “But each time it’s as a human, and none of us are there.”

I heard Carlisle’s thought and turned on him, a growl building in my throat. “She wouldn’t do that.”

“Consider, Edward. I know it was out of your control, but had it been the other way around, do you think you could have refused her?”

Alice was still searching, hoping to find an alternative. This image was the worst yet. The rage overpowered me, and I threw the piano at the wall. The keys made disconsolate plunking sounds as they were torn free.

A sudden idea occurred to me, and I felt a wave of hope. “It doesn’t have to be death. It goes black at that point, so it could be one of the wolves arriving. They would want to be there too.”

“But that doesn’t explain why we aren’t there.”

But it did. Carlisle thought she had been uncertain in her choice. When she had agreed, I had been begging her to let me save her; if the situation was reversed, I couldn’t have refused her. Rosalie had said it. “Bella is all about the self-sacrifice.”

“I would never do it if she didn’t want it,” I said breathlessly. “And if she didn’t want me to see…”

“I would,” Alice said determinedly.

I heard her make the decision, then watched with her as she searched. It was there. My beautiful Bella with golden eyes, and her arms entwined with Alice’s. The same vision she had all those years ago that saved her from Jasper’s planning. I sank onto the couch beside Alice, covering my face with my hands.

“Can someone please explain what the happening,” Emmett growled. “And why the fuck you are saying Bella is going to die.”

“I don’t think she is,” Alice said. “At least not then. I saw her with Charlie; she was really sick.”

“Opposed to what we saw today?” he asked. He couldn’t contemplate her looking any worse than she already did. Unfortunately for Alice and me, we had the indelible image to prove it. 

“Much worse.” Alice flinched from the memory. “The vision cut off, and as I was following her path, I thought that meant she died.”

“But it was the wolves,” I said. I would not consider the alternative. “One of the wolves came, and that’s why it went dark.”

“Even if it was the wolves that caused the vision to cut off, it doesn’t explain why none of us were there, and why she was that sick at all,” Esme said. “We would have to change her long before she reached that point.”

“Unless she isn’t going to be changed,” Carlisle said. “If she is uncertain in her choice, then Alice would not be able to see her as a vampire.”

“But she will be, I saw that,” Alice hissed.

“Because you made the decision to,” I said sadly. “I would not do it without her consent, and if she didn’t want us to see… Well, none of us would be there.”

“Why would she tell Edward he could change her if she wasn’t certain?” Rosalie asked.

Carlisle looked at me apologetically. I’m sorry, Son.

I nodded grimly. I had to tell them, they deserved to know. “When I asked Bella if she would let me change her, I was very upset. I don’t think she could have said no, given my breakdown, but I don’t believe she would refuse it anyway. You heard her, she doesn’t want to die. There is something stopping her from fully accepting the choice. We just need to work out what it is, and she’ll be fine.”

We had to work out what it was. There was no other option; I would not, could not, let her die.  

“Well, let’s go ask her,” Emmett said. “She can tell us what’s up, and we can fix it.”

“Not now,” I said firmly. “She tired and sick, she needs to rest.”

And though I would never admit it to any of them, I feared knowing what it was that stopped her. We had been apart a year, and I had lied to her; she may not want me forever, after all.

Jasper glared at me. Stop that! I felt her emotions when she was here. She loves you more now than ever before. Whatever is stopping her, it is not her love for you.

“I agree with Edward,” Carlisle said calmly. “Bella needs to rest; we can talk to her tomorrow. We should leave now to meet with the wolves. It could be that their opposition is causing her to waver.”

“They can shove their opposition up their–”

“Are we ready?” Carlisle asked, cutting off Emmett’s fierce declaration.

Murmuring agreement, we set out to the old baseball clearing to meet with the pack.

They were there already, the stench reaching us a mile before we got to them. Carlisle cautioned us to remain as calm as possible. There was no possibility of them stopping Bella’s change, but if we could keep things civil, it would be easier for us all. 

I was surprised to see that they were in their human forms; more unusual than that was the way they had positioned themselves. Sam was flanked by two I recognized as Paul and Jared. A clear ten feet away from them was Jacob, Quil, and Embry.

Is there a division of power? Carlisle asked.

I frowned. I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, they were all making a conscious effort to hide their thoughts. I didn’t think the pack had been split, but there was definitely a developing separation.

“Let’s make one thing clear now,” Sam said, his stance radiating anger. “I like Bella. She’s a good person, and she doesn’t deserve what’s happening to her. I like her enough to protect her from becoming one of you.”

I agreed wholeheartedly. She was far too good for our life, but the only other option was death, and she was also too good for that. She didn’t deserve to have her life cut short already; there was still so much she hadn’t experienced.

“Am I to understand you are going to try to stop her from being changed?” Carlisle asked, his calm tone hiding the anger of his thoughts.

“I would like to stop you, but I am in a difficult position. My wife is a good friend of Bella’s, and to see her die would hurt her. I would do all I can to protect her from that pain. Jared is in the same position.”

“You would like to stop us?” Alice asked. She had noted the phrasing, as I had. “But you won’t.”

“We have discussed this within the pack. There were differences of opinion.” He shot Jacob a harsh glare. “We will allow Bella to be changed, and the treaty will remain in place. You will leave Washington to do it, and you will not return until you are certain she can be controlled. If she takes a human life in our territory, we will destroy her, no exceptions. That being said, I implore you to change your mind. She thinks you are all so compassionate; she calls you good people. If you really are, you will spare her this fate. Let her die as a person, rather than letting her body be defiled by a demon.”

He truly believed we were monsters. His tribal legends were mostly superstition and myth, and all else he knew had been taught by pop culture and TV. If the situation was not so dire, I would have laughed.

Carlisle breathed a sigh of relief. Though he had been hopeful, he didn’t truly believe we could come to an acceptable agreement.

“Thank you,” he said. “I understand this was not an easy decision for you to come to.”

“You have our agreement,” he said harshly. “But if you really care about Bella, you will not do this.”

He didn’t give us a chance to answer, running into the trees, followed by Paul and Jared. Jacob watched him go, smiling with satisfaction.

“I didn’t think he’d really to it,” he said, addressing his friends, “but I’m damn glad he did.”

“There is more to this than Sam’s speech revealed, isn’t there?” I said.

“You could say that,” he said, grinning. “You know I am the Alpha by bloodline. When I first phased, Sam offered to step down to let me take over. I didn’t want that, I have never wanted it, but it was always an option. Sam has come to like the power, he wouldn’t want to step down anymore. When we had our meeting, I pointed out the fact that he didn’t have to make the decision. I could claim the pack and make the agreement myself.”

“You would really do that?” Carlisle asked.

Jacob rolled his eyes. “You may not have noticed it, Doc, but there is very little I wouldn’t do for her. I’m glad I wasn’t forced to, though, I really didn’t want to lead a pack.”

“When did you make this decision?” Alice asked.

“Early hours of the morning. When I got back to the rez, the others were waiting for me. Why?”

I saw the flaw Alice had spotted. If Jacob had been firm in his decision, it could not be his choice that stopped Bella’s change. That meant there was still something stopping her.

Carlisle explained the vision Alice had, and what we thought it meant.

“So something is stopping Bella from being changed?” he asked.

I nodded. “It is not any of us blocking it, either, nor apparently is it you.”

“Boy, are you dumb,” he scoffed. “This is Bella we’re talking about. You want to know what’s blocking the vision, you ask her. But I’m pretty sure I can tell you what it is already. His name begins with a C, but he also answers to Dad.”

“Charlie,” I groaned. “Why didn’t we see it before? Carlisle even said it; she cannot just disappear, it would destroy him. She would never hurt him like that, even if it meant losing her own life.”

“But it would kill you, too,” Alice said. “She would want to protect you more than she would herself.”

Jacob rolled his eyes. “Again with the dumb. She spent the last year hiding what was happening from you all. If you think she hasn’t got a back-up plan to save him, you don’t know her at all.”

“Dammit, Bella,” Emmett groaned. “Why can’t she be selfish? Just this once.”

“You want her changed, you have to deal with Charlie. He can’t know what you are, Bella told me it was too dangerous, but you can tell him enough to give him peace of mind. I can help, if you like; there is no law that says he can’t know what I am.”

“Apart from those tribal laws,” Quil snorted. “But you’re all about the rule-breaking these days.”

“If we can deal with Charlie without revealing too much about any of us, that would be better,” Carlisle mused. “But if we are forced to, Jacob’s help would be providential.”

“Let’s go pay a visit to the chief, then,” Jacob said happily. “This has been a hell of a day already. We may as well complete it with another dramatic revelation.”

xXx

Though they all wanted to come, it was decided that Carlisle, Jasper, Alice, and I would go to see Charlie.

He had always had a soft spot for Alice, and Jasper would be able to monitor and influence his emotions if the situation got out of hand.

We went back to the house and took the car, not wanting to arouse suspicion by arriving on foot. Though, given what we were about to discuss, I didn’t know why it mattered. When we pulled up in front of the house, Jacob groaned.

“My dad is here. This is going to complicate things.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Well, if you think Sam has harsh views on you guys, you are about to get a lesson in prejudice.”

He took a deep breath and let himself into the house.

“Hi honey, I’m home.”

“Quiet,” Charlie hissed, appearing at the living room door. His eyes widened as he saw me standing behind Jacob. “I tried to call you, but there was no one home, and your cell was out of service.”

The tension was clear in his expression, and my fists clenched reflexively. “Is she okay?”

“She’s got a headache, a real bad one.”

I followed him into the living room, and swallowed a gasp as I saw her. Even though she was asleep, it was clear that she was still in pain; her brow was furrowed, and the hand I could see above the blankets was clenched into a fist.

He crouched down beside the couch and smoothed Bella’s hair back from her forehead.

“Bells, honey, Edward’s here now.”

She opened her eyes, and then slammed them shut again with a whimper.

“Too bright?” Charlie asked. She nodded.

Jacob moved to close the curtains and flick off the lights, casting a gloomy darkness on the room. His thoughts showed that he was familiar with this situation.

Charlie moved aside, and I dropped down on my knees beside her. She opened her eyes again and they welled with tears.

“It hurts,” she moaned.

“I know, love,” I soothed. “What can I do?”

“Hold me, please.”

I took her into my arms and sat on the couch. She curled up against me, hiding her face against my chest.

I heard a gasp and looked up to see Billy Black scowling at me. I glared right back at him, daring him to object.

“Charlie, I don’t think you want her that close to him,” he said carefully.

“Stop it, Dad,” Jacob said harshly.

“The Hell I will!” he said, his face reddening with his anger. “Just because you have turned your back on your people, it doesn’t mean the rest of us will accept this travesty.” 

“You know that’s not true. I am trying to save her.”

“That is not saving her,” Billy shouted.

“Too loud,” Bella moaned.

I stood and carried Bella up the stairs and into her room. I made no effort to move at a human pace; I was past caring who knew what I was. My only concern was Bella, and she was in pain.

I laid her down on the bed and covered her with the blankets. Alice had followed me upstairs, and she closed the curtains.

You need to be there for this. I will sit with Bella.

I nodded reluctantly. “Love, I have to speak to Charlie,” I whispered. “Alice is going to be here with you.”

She didn’t answer, but when Alice laid down on the bed, she curled against her.

Alice was fighting the sobs building in her chest. “I hate this,” she said quietly. “I don’t know how to help her.”

“Just be here,” Bella whispered. “That helps.”

Her words spurred the sobs Alice had been fighting, and Bella rubbed her back comfortingly, her eyes still clenched shut.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I said, then went downstairs again to the living room.

“Alice is going to sit with her while we talk,” I said, answering Charlie’s questioning look.

“I really don’t think that is safe,” Billy said stubbornly. “You shouldn’t let these… them be alone with her.”

Disregarding Jacob’s warning growl, I leaned over his chair. My lips curled back over my teeth in a menacing snarl. “Listen to me you vile little man. I don’t care what you think. You want to drop some more hints to Charlie, be my guest. We are here to share some of it anyway. But I’m warning you, if you upset the woman I love one more time, I will change you myself. See how much you hate my kind once you are one of us!”

“Edward!” Carlisle said sternly. “Calm yourself.”

I felt Jasper flooding me with his manufactured calm, and allowed it to soothe my anger.

“Would someone mind telling me what the hell you’re talking about?” Charlie said angrily.

“We came here to speak to you about Bella,” Carlisle said. “More specifically, what we can do for her. Your friend has in fact made it easier for us to broach the subject. My family and I are different.”

“No shit!” he snorted. “Your boy there just moved so damn fast, he was gone before I could blink.”

“What else have you noticed?” Jasper asked.

“You all look exactly the same as you did when I first saw you, and that was over five years ago. There are other things, but I don’t think that’s what you’re asking, is it? You want to know if I’ve noticed enough to believe what you are about to tell me. I’ve seen enough to believe pretty much anything, and if there is something you can do to help Bella, I will do anything.”

“There is something we can do for Bella,” Carlisle said gently, “but it is not something we can explain without putting you at risk, and it comes at a price.”

“How much? I’ve got money, and if it’s not enough, I can find more,” he said hurriedly.  

Billy scoffed. “It’s not money they want, it’s her life.”

Charlie’s expression went from hopeful to confused. “I don’t understand.”

“We can save Bella,” I said. “She can be one of us. No more pain, no more cancer, no more death. As Carlisle said, there is a cost, and it isn’t money. If we do this, we have to take her away. You will not be able to see her for a long time, possibly never.”

“But she’ll be alive?” he asked, the light coming back into his eyes.

“She will be just like us,” I clarified. Alive was a relative term when discussing vampires.

“But you can do anything, right? Even though you’re different, you still get to go to college, and Carlisle is a doctor. She could have a career.”

“Absolutely,” Carlisle said. “Bella is physically older than Edward and my other children. There will be more opportunities for her than them; she will not be held back by her youthful appearance.”

Charlie made a sound that was half sob, half laugh. “She can live.” Tears sprang to his eyes, and he made no effort to hide them.

“You don’t know what you are saying,” Billy said. “She will not be alive, she will be one of them. They are not human, they are monsters.”

Charlie rounded on him. “You think I care about that? Who cares what she will be, if it means she’s not dead?”

“You will never see her again!” he warned.

“Last I heard, there aren’t many home visits from heaven either!” he shot back. His brow furrowed, and I saw the excitement in his eyes fade, being replaced with cold fury. “How long have you known about this?”

“I have known since I was a child. Our tribe is sworn to protect people from their kind.”

Charlie disregarded the rest of his words. His thoughts were unusually clear as they looped on what Billy had said. “I have known since I was a child.”

“You knew all along! You watched Bella suffer, watched me suffer, and the whole time you knew she could be saved.”

“It’s not saving! It is cursing her!” he shouted.

“Jacob, please take your father home now. Take Bella’s truck and get him away from me.” Charlie’s tone was eerily calm. “Don’t ever bring him back here.”

“You’d kick me out and keep those monsters here?” he spluttered.

“They are going to save my baby. You were going to let me watch her die. If anyone here is a monster, it is you. I see you here again, and I will hurt you.”

Jacob grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and pushed him to the door. He turned back to look at Charlie. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, Charlie.”

“I understand that, and you’re welcome here. But if you love your father, you will keep him away from me.”

Jacob nodded solemnly.

We watched them leave and listened to the truck start. Billy was muttering threats and remonstrances that continued until the roar of the truck faded.

“So what happens now?” Charlie asked eagerly. “What do I have to do?”

“We have to speak to Bella, we need to ensure this is what she wants,” Carlisle said. “If we can be sure of her agreement, we will need to leave Forks.”

I followed Alice’s thoughts as she searched for the vision we both needed to see. It was there, crystal clear and this time it was not triggered by Alice’s choice. My lips kissed Bella, and my teeth pierced her skin.

I sighed with relief, answering Carlisle and Jasper’s questioning thoughts.

“It’s there. I can save her now.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I went to sit with Bella, and Alice went back to the living room to help Jasper and Carlisle answer Charlie’s questions. He didn’t want to know much, in fact he asked to be told as little as possible.

His main concerns were when we would have to leave, and when he would be able to see her again. Carlisle told him it would be at least a year before he could see her, but none of us yet knew when we would have to leave. Wherever we went, we would have to leave before Bella was too ill to travel. If we went to Esme’s island, we would need to leave much sooner than we would if we were going to Alaska. Eventually, it was decided that we would wait until Bella was able to join the discussions before making travel plans.

After the others left, Charlie came up to Bella’s bedroom. She seemed to be in less pain now than before, and was sleeping soundly. He didn’t seem surprised to see me in bed with her curled against my chest. I supposed once you had put your trust in a person to save your daughter’s life, sleeping arrangements seemed rather mundane. He settled into the rocking chair.  

“I wish there was something I could do,” he said vaguely.

“Sorry?”

“That’s what everyone said when they heard about Bella, “I wish there was something I could do.” Some of them meant it; they helped out by bringing food over, or covering my shifts at work when she was real bad. Most of them said it because it’s just what you do. But even the ones that meant it were thinking the same thing: thank God it wasn’t someone I loved. Billy said it a lot. I never doubted he meant it, because he really did try to help. Now I know there was something he could have done to really help, and I hate him for it.”

“It was never an option for him,” I said, hating the fact that I was defending that man, but unable to stop myself. “His belief in his legends and histories are too ingrained to ignore. To him, we really are monsters; he can’t see the good as he is so distracted by the differences. He is not completely wrong, there are others of our kind that are cruel and dangerous, but my family is different.”

“You’re going to save my baby.” He said it with fervor, reassuring himself.

“I am going to save her,” I promised. “I just wish I could have done it sooner; she needn’t have suffered for so long. “

“Why didn’t she let me call you sooner?” he asked. “She knows you’re ‘different’, right?”

I smiled at the description, it was what Bella had called us before.

“She always knew, but she was protecting me.” I couldn’t completely hide the bitterness in my tone. “She knew that if she died, it would kill me too, and so she hid it from me.”

“It would kill you?”

“If Bella were to die, the pain would be too great for me to bear; I would seek to end my life. My kind is as close to immortal as it gets, but there are options. I would have found a way.”

He considered my words. I felt a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny. “Would that work the other way round? If you were to die, would Bella die too?”

“I don’t know. Bella is a stronger person than I am. Perhaps she would be able to live with the pain. We will never know. I will never allow her to be hurt again, and as you’ve noticed, she is exceptionally protective of me too. Between us, we’ll work it out.”

He started to speak, but Bella stirred, drawing our attention to her. She rubbed her eyes blearily and looked up at me.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Better. What time is it?”

“A little after midnight,” Charlie said.

She started at the sound of his voice. “Dad!”

She looked from him to me, then shrugged, apparently deciding that if he wasn’t going to mention the awkwardness, neither would she.

“I had a chat with Edward and his family this evening,” Charlie said.

She glared at me. “What have you done?”

“What I had to do to save you,” I said calmly. “He doesn’t know any more than was necessary, but enough to ease your mind. And to stop whatever you are plotting as your Plan B.”

“Edward told me he could save you,” Charlie said. He moved from the rocking chair to sit beside her on the bed. “Is he right?”

She nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. “He can save me, but I will lose you.”

“Not forever,” I reassured her. “He knows enough now that, after a year or so, you can see him again.”

She didn’t seem to hear my words. She was staring at Charlie looking utterly heartbroken.

I moved from the bed to the rocking chair. This moment was theirs, I was merely a bystander.

“I don’t want to leave you,” she said sorrowfully.

“If he doesn’t do this, you will be leaving me anyway,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “At least this way I have a chance of seeing you again, and you get to live the life you deserve. I’m not a religious man, but every day since your diagnosis I have prayed. At first I prayed for a cure, then I prayed for more time. These past few weeks, I have prayed for a miracle. Edward and his family have offered us one. You have to let them do it.”

She fisted the tears from her eyes. “You won’t hate me?”

“Oh baby. I could never hate you,” he said, stroking her tear-streaked cheek. “I love you. I have loved you since the day you were born, and I will love you till the day I die. There is nothing you can do that would make me hate you.”

She began sobbing in earnest, and his own cheeks were wet with tears. I didn’t want to interrupt their moment, but I there were things that had to be done, plans to be made.

“I have to go home for a while,” I said quietly. “There are things we need to organize. Bella, I have to know, are you going to allow us to do this? Alice needs to know.”

I knew she would understand what I meant, and felt a wave of relief as she lifted her head from Charlie’s shoulder and nodded. “Come in the morning. I need some time with Charlie.”

I pressed a kiss to her forehead and exited through the window. Charlie was too preoccupied to notice anyway. I heard her quiet cries start again as I landed on the grass outside her window, and Charlie’s soothing words.

xXx

Bella POV

Two days ago I was preparing for death, today I was preparing for forever.

When I woke, Charlie was sitting in the rocking chair across the room. He looked across at me as I blinked blearily against the sunlight flooding my room.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“My head is fuzzy, but it doesn’t hurt now. What time is it?”

“A little after nine. Edward came by, but you were still asleep. We have some things to talk about.” He moved to the end of the bed so he could see my face clearly. “They are making arrangements for you to go away somewhere to do… well, whatever it is they are going to do. They said I can come too, for a while at least.”

“Do you want to come?” I asked.

“I want whatever you want. If you want me to be there, I will. If not, I can stay here. It’s only a year, after all.”

The tears that seemed to be a constant these days sprang to my eyes. It was only a year, but it felt like far too much time to be without him. He had been with me from the beginning of this, and I felt that he deserved to be there for the end. But there was no real end, not anymore. I would be changed, and he couldn’t be there for that.  

“You would have to leave when it’s time,” I cautioned. “You can’t see what happens; if you know too much, you will be at risk.”

“I will leave when you tell me to,” he promised. “I just want a little more time.”

I nodded. “Then I want you to come.”

He sighed with relief. He had hidden his feelings well, but it became clear just how much he wanted to come with me.

He pressed a kiss to my cheek and went downstairs. I sank back against the headboard and clutched Grey to my chest, thinking over the insanity of the last few days.

Edward was here and was going to change me. Charlie knew enough that he could have peace of mind, and we would have a little more time together. There was still one person left to deal with. Renee.

I didn’t want the last time we spoke to be the day she walked out on me, but she was refusing to return my calls.

I loved her, and I understood this was hard for her, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept. She was my mom; surely she could put aside her own feelings for me, just this once. The tears began falling again, and I buried my face in Grey’s fur.

I felt the rush of cool air as the window opened, and then a familiar cold arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“Are you okay, love?” Edward asked.

“No,” I cried. “I don’t know how to make her understand.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “You want to tell Renee what is happening?”

“No. She’s not like Charlie, she wouldn’t understand. I just want to talk to her, to have a chance to say goodbye.”

“What will you do if you can’t say goodbye?” he asked.

“If I can’t say goodbye, it will hurt me, but it will not change anything. I would be in the same position even if I wasn’t going to be changed. I’m running out of time, and Renee knows it. If she chooses to hide from it, there is nothing I can do to stop her.”

I loved my mother, but our separation had started long ago. In truth, it had started the day she walked out of my hospital room; unable to deal with my sickness, she left Charlie to take care of me until I was well again. Perhaps in her own confused way, she thought she could do the same this time.

She was wrong.

I hurried through my morning routine, then lay down on the bed, curled up against Edward as he told me all that had happened since he left in the early morning. While I had been sleeping, he and his family had been planning.

We would be flying to Rio in a couple of days, and from there we would travel to a private island they owned. Edward described the features of the island, creating a paradisiacal image of sandy beaches and sparkling blue water.  

Rosalie and Emmett had already left. There were things that needed to be arranged for our stay, particularly my medical needs. I wanted to have as much time with Charlie as I could, which meant I would be changed later than if we were going away alone.  

“Who is actually going to do it?” I asked. “The bite?”

“Carlisle is the obvious choice. He has the most experience and unrivalled control after all, but…” he looked at me sheepishly. “If you trust me to do it, I would like to be the one.”

“What about the blood?”

“Your blood is not a problem for me now,” he said serenely.

He explained the differences in his reaction to my scent since my arrival in Ithaca. The fear, at first, that it would suddenly regain its potency, then the elation when it didn’t.

“That is how I was able to make love you to,” he explained. “Once I had control of the bloodlust, the physical lust was more pressing.”

I giggled. “I remember.”

“I very nearly didn’t make it to the ball, though,” he admitted. “As if the tattoo wasn’t bad enough, the sight of you driving the Vanquish just about drove me out of my mind.”

“Who would have thought Mr. Nineteen Eighteen would have a thing for tattoos,” I teased. “If I’d known that before, I would have taken advantage of it long ago.”

He ran a hand over my stomach, directly above the spot my tank top covered the tattoo. “Can I see it while I still can?”

“Is it going somewhere?” I asked, quirking a brow.

“It will disappear when you are changed. As the venom changes your skin, the ink will be expelled.”

I frowned. Compared to the benefits of the change, losing my tattoo was a small thing, but it was still sad. It had not merely been for decoration when I had it done; it was a promise, a vow that I would not forget again.

I forced away the dark thoughts and smiled, pulling up my tank top to reveal the small blue flower. I knew he would see the differences in my body from the last time he had seen this part of me, but if it shocked him, there was no sign of it in his expression. He looked as enamored with the tattoo as he had the last time. He traced it with a cool finger, leaving a burning trail in its wake.

“Beautiful,” he sighed, then grinned wickedly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

“What are you…” My mouth dropped open as he snapped a picture of the tattoo.

“I needed a new screensaver,” he said blithely. “And this way we have visual proof of just how badass you were.”

“Badass?”

He shrugged. “It’s what Emmett used to call you when you rode your bike.”

I chuckled. “I keep thinking of things that happened in Ithaca, and seeing how they must have looked to you all. Like when Emmett knocked me on my ass the first day. I get that he was checking to see if I recognized him, but why didn’t he just say hi instead?”

“Because he is Emmett, and therefore not the best at lateral thinking. I wasn’t there that day, or I’d have stopped him. Of course if I had been there, I may well have made an even bigger mess of things by grabbing you and kissing you senseless.”

“It probably would have made a better impression than your statistics rant,” I teased. “What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know that I was thinking at all. I was so overwhelmed by seeing you again, and so scared for your safety, that I quite lost my mind.”

I stroked his cheek. “My poor Edward, it must have been so hard for you in those early weeks.”

“It was. But even then, I was happy to be close to you, even if I didn’t dare open my mouth for fear of driving you further away. Then we went to Finger Lakes, and everything changed.”

“Did you feel it too?” I asked. I remembered the sensation of everything disappearing but him as he wrapped his arm around me. “When Alice took the photo of us, I felt something shift.”

“I never lost that feeling. Since the moment I knew I loved you, I have always felt that, but that was the first time I had hope since you returned to me. I had hope that there might be something between us again, and then…”

“Then I pounced on you the moment we were alone.” I laughed. “My poor Edward.”

“I wasn’t your poor Edward that day. That day, I was your ecstatically happy Edward.”

“And now?” I asked quietly.

“I am worried about what is coming,” he admitted. “I hate that you are going to be in pain, that you will lose so much, but I am focusing on the fact once it’s over, I will have you forever.”

“Forever,” I sighed, resting my head on his chest again. I could feel sleep creeping up on me, and feeling his hands running lazily through my hair wasn’t helping me stay awake.

“Sleep, love,” he whispered. “I will be here when you wake.”

My eyes drifted closed, and I felt him press a kiss to my head as the reaches of sleep pulled me under.

xXx

When I woke again, it was past noon. I felt refreshed after my sleep, and ready to start making my own arrangements for the trip.

When I got down to the kitchen, I found Edward and Carlisle sitting at the table while Charlie bustled around making lunch.

“Hey, Bells. How are you feeling?” he greeted.

“I’m good.” I poured coffee and sat down at the table beside Edward.

He and Carlisle were having one of their silent discussions. Carlisle was looking at Edward with concentration, and Edward was frowning and nodding like he had a nervous twitch.

I left them to their discussion and concentrated on the sandwich Charlie had set down before me. I ate it without much enjoyment; food didn’t seem to hold much temptation for me anymore. I ate enough to fill me and then doctored my coffee, watching the cream disperse into marbled streaks and…

“Bella!”

Cool hands were cupping my face and a pair of deep gold eyes were boring into my own. I pulled back from the hands, shaking off my torpor.

“What?” My voice sounded muffled and confused to my ears. I cleared my throat and tried again. “What’s the matter?”

“Are you okay?”

I blinked, trying to clear my hazed vision. My chair had been turned away from the table. Edward was crouching in front of me. His hands were still raised, though now they were cupping thin air. Carlisle stood beside me, holding my wrist, and Charlie was standing behind Edward, his features creased with concern.

“I’m fine.” I was relieved to hear my voice came clearly now. “I just zoned out for a minute.”

“Two,” Charlie corrected.

“Okay, I zoned out for two minutes,” I said patiently. “But I’m fine now.” I took Edward’s hands into my own and squeezed them. “Really.”

He nodded, but his clenched jaw and haunted eyes didn’t relax. “Maybe you should lie down for a while.”

“No can do, I need to go to the reservation. There are things I want to get from the house, and some people I need to see.”

“I think he’s right,” Charlie said, clinging to Edward’s suggestion like a drowning man to a raft, “you should lie down a while. I can drive you over later, and we can pack up the stuff together.”

I could feel the irritation surge and knew it was not equal to the situation; this was my brain screwing up yet again. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, trying to get a grip on my emotions before I spoke.

“We all know what happened, and why it happened. It is just as likely that it will happen again tonight or tomorrow as it is now. While I am feeling well, I am going to do this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to the bathroom.”

Edward moved back, and I got to my feet. Taking more care than usual, I climbed the stairs and went into the bathroom. I knew they were down there planning another attack against me leaving, but I hoped Carlisle at least would be able to assuage their fears.

I sat on the closed toilet and unclenched the hand I had been holding at my side. Closing my eyes, I raised my arms up in front of me. I knew before I even looked what I would find. My left arm was level with no signs of shaking. My right was only half raised and trembling with the effort it took to keep it there.

A headache yesterday, a seizure today, and then this. My body was failing me already, and I thought I knew why. For so long I had been fighting. Fighting for more time: time for me, for Charlie, for Edward. Now things were settled, there was nothing to fight, and my body seemed to have come to the same realization. I was rapidly running out of time.

I carefully got to my feet and stood in front of the sink. Bracing my hands on the counter, I stared into the mirror.

The morning of my eighteenth birthday, I woke from a nightmare in which I confused my own reflection with that of my grandmother. Though my skin was not lined as her had been, and my hair was not grey, there was a definite feeling of déjà vu as I looked at myself today. I looked physically young, but my eyes, just like hers, had the same world-weary glaze.

I stared into my own deeply-shadowed eyes and tried to force myself to believe my own assertion.

Not yet. It is not time yet!

Chapter Text

Bella POV

There were things I needed to collect from my house in La Push, but more importantly, there were people I needed to see. Though we weren’t leaving for a couple of days, there was only so long I could hope to conceal the latest symptom. Once they knew I wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere alone, and I needed to have some time to sort these last details out in private.

Alice called in hysterics as she had seen my future go black. It took a lot of reassuring before she would believe that it was because I was going to La Push, and not because I was planning on keeling over dead some time in the afternoon. I suggested she come over to Charlie’s to help Edward pack up some of my stuff. I knew it wouldn’t take them long to do, but the distraction might help.

I pulled on a hooded top, tucked my hands in the pouch pocket at the front, and went outside to wait for Embry to come pick me up. I called Jacob first, but he wasn’t answering his phone, which was probably because of the ass reaming I promised in my message yesterday.

Edward came out and stood with me; he wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“Will you be gone long?”

I could tell he was struggling to keep his tone light and relaxed, and I struggled to do the same as I answered.

“A few hours maybe. I’ll have my cell phone with me if you need to call. If you get bored hanging out here, go home and I’ll call when I get back.”

“I will not be bored. Worried and impatient for your return, yes, but never bored.”

I turned my head and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I promised.

Two cars pulled up then and ended the conversation. One was a shiny black rental which Alice and Jasper stepped out of, and the other was Embry’s beat-up, old Ford. I was relieved to see Jasper here too; if packing failed to distract Edward and Alice, he would be able to ease their worry somewhat with his gift. He eyed me curiously, probably picking up on my turmoil of emotion, but didn’t comment, for which I was grateful.  

I kissed Edward goodbye and got into the car. I waited until I was sure we were out of Edward’s hearing range before I spoke. “I need you to take me to Jacob’s house.”

“He’s not home,” Embry said. “He and Quil are out on patrol.”

“That’s fine, it’s not him I want to see anyway. I need to talk to Billy.”

“Ahh Bells, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” he said. “He’s real steamed up about what happened with the Cullens and Charlie last night.”

“Unfortunately, I am working with a tight schedule at the moment, so it’s now or never,” I said, feigning a calm I didn’t feel. “Can you do me a favor, though?” He nodded. “Can you wait a while before letting Jacob know what’s happening?”

“You want to say your piece?” he guessed.

“I do.”

I felt a wave of nostalgia as we pulled up in front of the little red house. It had once been a second home to me, and this was likely to be the last time I would be there. Even if all went according to plan and I was changed, I could never go back there.

“Better make it count then,” I muttered to myself as I got out of the car.

I watched Embry drive away, then knocked on the door. After a moment, a scowling Billy answered.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

“Since when have you felt the need to ask?” He was trying to sound gruff, but there was a hint of hurt in his voice.

“Well, I figured you might already count me as a monster,” I said, walking inside.

“That’s not fair, Bella,” he scolded. “I am trying to look out for your best interests. You don’t want–”

I cut him off; I had no desire to hear him rant about the supposed evil of the people I loved. “You are trying to see me dead,” I said harshly. “You have your beliefs, and I have mine. That is not why I am here.”

“Then why are you here?” he asked.

“I am here to talk to you about Charlie.”

I sat down on the armchair uninvited. I was starting to feel a little shaky, and didn’t want this meeting to be brought to an abrupt end as I face-planted at his feet. 

“Your father is my best friend,” he began.

“And you are trying to protect him,” I finished for him. “I get that, but it doesn’t change anything. I am going away with the Cullens, and Charlie is coming with me. Soon, much sooner than I would like, he is going to have to leave me there so I can be changed. When he gets back here, he is going to need you.”

“What do you expect me to do?” he snarled. “Tell him he made the right decision letting you go off with them to be killed? Assuage his guilt by telling him you’ll only kill a few humans before you gain enough control to drain the life out of animals instead?”

“No. I want you to do for him what he did when your wife died,” I said coolly. “Listen to what he has to say, comfort him when he needs that, and when all else fails, you get him good and drunk. I want you to be a friend.”

“That was different. Sarah was killed in a car accident, I had no control over it. I couldn’t have saved her.”

“Exactly. You couldn’t save her, and Charlie can’t save me, but Edward can. You may not like what I am going to become, but for Charlie, this is a miracle. He is going to be confused, scared, and hurting. You can help him with that. If it makes it easier for you to pretend I did die, do that, but you owe him the same support he gave you.”

“He threw me out of the house,” he said petulantly. “I don’t think he is going to want me to do anything to help him.”

“Then I guess it’s lucky you are grown men and not kindergarteners, isn’t it? Swallow your pride, buy a six-pack of beer, and go over on game night. He is going to need you, Billy. He will want to find me before it is time, and you know that isn’t safe. Be a friend and take care of him.”

He nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

I got to my feet and headed to the door, but he caught my hand and stopped me.

“I’m really sorry this has happened to you, Bella.”

I smiled sadly. “So am I.”

As I turned to close the door behind me, I thought I saw tears glistening on his craggy cheeks.

I walked along the familiar path to my little house and let myself in. It had only been a day since I was last there, but all that had happened in the time since I left last made it seem like weeks.

On the small kitchen table was a pile of paperwork I had been working through when I left that morning; the legal arrangements I needed to make for after my death. There would be no death now, but there was still an after. I needed to finish those things, but that could wait.

I went into my bedroom and pulled a pile of flattened cardboard boxes from the back of the closet. I attempted to assemble one, but with my right arm only half working, I struggled. Eventually I threw it down onto the floor and kicked it away in frustration. I felt the tears spring to my eyes and wiped them away angrily. I was not going to cry.

“What are you going to do?” I asked myself.

That was simple. I couldn’t box the things up, but I could still get them ready. I worked methodically through the closet, piling the clothes I wanted to take with me, and casting the rest aside to go to Goodwill.  I had just started with the dresser when I heard the front door open, and Sue’s voice call out.

“Bella, are you here?”

“I’m in the bedroom,” I called back.

She came in and eyed the mound of clothes. “You need help?”

“Yes, please.”

She began folding the clothes neatly into piles, humming as she worked. I knew she was there to talk, but I let her set the pace. We worked quietly for about ten minutes before she spoke.

“I saw Billy,” she said conversationally. “He told me you paid him a visit.”

“I did.”

“Were you planning to pay me a visit too?”

“I didn’t think I’d need to,” I said. “I thought what you felt for my father would overcome any issues you might have with what I am going to do. Doesn’t it?”

“I guess it does,” she sighed. “But I still would have liked a chance to say goodbye.”

“You were going to get that,” I assured her. “I had to get this stuff done, then I was going to invite you, Emily, and Kim over. I thought we could clear out what’s left in my freezer, and cook up something for the pack.”

“That’s actually a pretty good idea, but why don’t we call them over now. Many hands make light work and all that.”

I reached to pick up my phone from the dresser, but my weak grasp made me drop it to the floor.

“Oh Bella,” she sighed sadly. She took my right hand into her own and ran her fingers across the palm. “When did this happen?”

“This afternoon; I had a seizure, and since then I’ve been redefined as a lefty.” I was trying for a joking tone, but my voice broke at the end.

“Does Charlie know?”

“Not yet. None of them do. I wanted to get this stuff done alone, and if they’d known…”

“They’d never have let you do it.” She nodded understandingly. “Apart from this stuff, what do you have to do?”

“There’s some paperwork to organize, and a couple of letters I need to write.”

“Well, I’ll call Emily and Kim, and they can help with the packing while you take care of the paperwork. Are you going to be able to do it with…” She looked pointedly at my hand.

“Yeah, most of it’s ticking boxes, and I can use the laptop for the letters.”

She called Emily and asked her to bring Kim over, and any of the pack that were hanging around wanting a free meal. I sat at the kitchen table and worked laboriously through the paperwork, then booted up the laptop and wrote the letters I needed. It was not as personal as it would have been had I been able to write them by hand, but I didn’t want the obvious effects of my illness to show in shaky handwriting, either.

I had just printed, signed, and stuffed the last letter into an envelope when Emily and Kim arrived, trailed by Quil, Embry, Paul, and Jared.

My little house soon became a hive of activity, as the guys toted boxes and wrapped breakables. Emily and Sue got to work at the stove, cooking the contents of my freezer, while Kim and I organized a few personal items for me to take away. A lot of my stuff would go to Charlie’s for storage until I knew what I wanted to do with it, but I wanted some things to remind me of home when I was gone.

When we finished, Emily and Sue served the heaping platters of food they had prepared, and I excused myself to go for a walk.

I slipped off my shoes at the edge of the path and walked along the beach, relishing the feeling of the chilly sand between my toes. When I got to the shoreline, I rolled up the ends of my jeans - with difficulty - and waded out into the waves.

The water was so cold it stole my breath. It swept over my feet and ankles, almost unsteadying me, then made me sink a little deeper into the sand as it receded.

I braced myself against each wave, but the cold still caught me off guard each time. Soon I was laughing, hysterical gales of laughter that rocked my body.

I felt alive. Possibly for the first time since my diagnosis, I felt truly alive.

The sun was almost touching the horizon, and the waves were almost at my knees when I realized I was no longer alone. I knew who it was long before he spoke; he was always able to find me there. It was our place, after all.

“Hey Jake,” I said without turning.

“Hey Bells.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Is it worth me asking what you’re doing standing there, or will I get a cryptic answer?”

I turned to look at him, smiling widely. “I’m living, Jake. Just living.”

“Like I said, cryptic. At least you aren’t taking a crowbar to my skull, or making it so I can never have pups, like you threatened to in your voicemail. By the way, that was an impressive threat; it took a few hours for my balls to stop hiding somewhere around my Adam’s apple.”

I snorted. “I’m glad I got through to you. I was really pissed.”

“So I gathered. I can handle it, though. It was worth it to save you.”

I stretched out a hand and took his in my own. His burning skin warmed me, but he flinched from my touch.

“Geez Bella, you’re freezing.” He tugged my arm, pulling me back along the path.

“No, not yet. I want to stay here a little longer,” I said. “The sun hasn’t gone yet.”

He led me over to the driftwood tree we had utilized so many times before and used his shirt to dry my feet. They were so cold they were numb, but it hardly mattered anymore. He gathered driftwood and built a fire in front of me. Soon it was burning brightly as it cast its heat over us both.

He sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around me. I rested my head on his shoulder and watched the sun as it inched ever lower, finally touching the horizon and casting its rosy glow across the sky.

“Thank you, Jacob,” I said quietly. “Not just for bringing him here, but for everything else you’ve done.”

“I love you,” he said simply.

I saw tear tracks glistening on his cheeks, and rested my head on his shoulder again, pretending not to notice as he wiped them away.

“There are some letters I need you to send out when it’s time,” I said. “They are in the top dresser drawer at the house, and there are some legal forms that will need to be filed. I have life insurance for Charlie and Renee to collect. Don’t let Charlie’s moral compass stop him from claiming what I have arranged for him.”

“Okay, I can do that. Anything else?”

“Actually, there is. The lease is paid up on the house till the end of the year. If you want some space of your own, feel free to take it. If not, maybe Kim and Jared would like to use it. It’s yours to do with what you will.”

“You’ve got it all planned out, haven’t you?”

“I think so; I’ve done my best, anyway. I wanted it to be as easy for Charlie as it could be when it happened.” I sighed. “Now that things are happening differently, I think it may actually be harder for him.”

“I’ll take care of him Bells, I promise. Besides, it’s only a year, and then he’ll be able to see you in all your freaky-eyed, sparkly-skinned glory.”

“For someone who explodes into a giant, slobbering wolf on occasion, you are not the best person to talk about freaky,” I teased.

“At least I don’t have to drink blood,” he shot back.

“At least I won’t have fleas.”

We spent time exchanging the pros and cons of each life until we were both lost to hysterics.

The sound of our laughter brought the others to us as the party moved from my house to the beach. Our small driftwood fire was fed until it was a raging bonfire, and someone set up a CD player.

We danced, and laughed, and told stories, and occasionally cried. It would be my last goodbye. I wouldn’t see any of them for a long time, possibly ever, and I wanted to make it count.

Eventually, my yawns became too frequent to ignore, and I realized the few hours I promised had become several. They would be worried.

Jacob caught my eye and nodded resignedly. After another round of hugs and tears, I let him lead me back onto the path and then to his car. I wished I had left while it was still light. I wanted to take a last look at the familiar streets and houses, but it had gotten too dark to see properly.

“You could come back tomorrow,” Jacob suggested when I explained my disappointment.

I didn’t think I could, though. I had said my goodbyes and made my plans; to come back again would be too painful.

I curled up in my seat and watched the street lights pass overhead. Much too soon, the journey was over and we were pulling up in front of Charlie’s house.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” I asked.

“Not unless you really want to,” he said. “I think tonight was a good enough goodbye.”

I leaned over my seat and kissed his cheek. “I’m going to miss you, Jake.”

“Me too,” he said hoarsely. I knew he was fighting tears, so I took one last searching look at him and got out of the car.

Edward had been waiting for me just inside the door and hurried out to help me.

“Did you have a good time?” he asked.

“Yeah, it was great.”

“What did you do?”

“We lived,” I said, smiling through the tears streaming down my face. “We just lived.”

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I lay beside Bella on the bed and ran my fingers through her hair. The strands felt like silk against my skin. The bright sun was streaming through the windows, and I knew she would wake soon, but for that moment I was content to lie with her.

The flight had exhausted her, and she had been asleep when we arrived. When she woke, she would get her first glimpse of Isle Esme.

I could hear the quiet voices of Charlie and Esme in the kitchen. Against his protests, she was preparing him breakfast. Possibly because of the growing familiarity, or because he was relaxed here, I could hear Charlie’s thoughts clearer than I had ever been able to before.

If I had ever doubted our choice to enlighten him of our true nature, it would have been eased. Almost every though he had was about Bella. At that moment, he was wondering how she was sleeping. He would have liked to come in and see her, but was uncomfortable doing so with me there with her. I would have to tell him it was okay for him to come and go as he pleased. He knew we didn’t sleep, and his response to that was “Must be nice not to have nightmares.” How could I explain that lack of unconsciousness was not a cure for nightmares? In fact, they were worse, as they haunted almost every minute of the day for me.

Bella began to stir, reaching out for me with her good arm and pulling herself closer to me.

“Good morning love,” I whispered.

“Morning,” she replied, her voice muffled by the pillow.

I heard Emmett’s whoop as he heard her voice. He had been waiting impatiently for her to wake. He and Jasper had planned a day of entertainment, starting with an exploration of the island.

Alice knocked on the bedroom door quietly, and peeked her head round when I bid her enter.

“Morning Bella,” she said brightly. “Do you want some help picking out an outfit?”

Picking out an outfit translated to helping Bella dress herself. Her weakened arm had been a shock to discover, especially when I realized she had managed to hide it from me before she went to La Push. But the shock wore off and turned to sadness as I watched her struggle with her now limited abilities. She could still manage most of her human needs alone, but struggled to dress.

“Yes, please.”

I left her to Alice’s care and went to the kitchen to wait with Charlie.

He was nursing a cup of coffee and poking unenthusiastically at the plate of eggs Esme had set before him. He gave me a questioning look when he saw me, his thoughts wondering how Bella was this morning. 

“She slept well,” I said. “Alice is playing dress up with her now.”

He smiled. “I bet she’s enjoying that.”

I laughed. Alice was certainly enjoying herself; Bella was wearing the martyred expression of one resigned to their fate as a dressmakers dummy, but not enthusiastic at the prospect. When she came into the kitchen, she was wearing light shorts and a vest top.

She looked around the room with an expression of wonder. Of all our homes, this was one of the most impressive. It was light and airy, with the picture windows Esme favored, and a high vaulted ceiling.

“Wow,” she said. “Esme, this place is beautiful.”

Esme smiled at the compliment, moved to Bella’s side, and wrapped an arm around her waist, giving her a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad you like it. The island itself is far more impressive; nature manages to outshine my efforts at every turn.”

“I think Emmett is planning on giving you a tour later,” I informed her.

She smiled in response. “That should be interesting. I wonder how much of it I will actually get to see while he is zipping around, showing off his speed.”

“I’ll make sure he goes at a sensible pace,” I promised.

She kissed Charlie’s cheek and settled on a chair at the counter. Esme placed a plate of eggs in front of her, and she ate with even less enthusiasm than Charlie, pushing away her plate after only a few mouthfuls. She drank a full glass of juice, though, and took the pills Charlie handed her without complaint.

When she finished, she took my hand and we went out on the covered deck. Her eyes were wide as she absorbed it all: the pale gold sand, the crystalline ocean, and the swaying ferns.

Emmett came barreling around the side of the house, Jasper following at a more sedate place.

“Oh good, you’re ready,” he said happily. “Did Edward tell you what we’re doing today?”

“Something about you racing me around the island, pretending to show me the sights, when in fact you are just trying to see how long it takes me to be sick?”

His smile faded. “Is that what he said?”

“No, it’s what I figured you were planning on doing.”

“Well you were wrong. I can be sensible sometimes, you know. I thought we could take you something to eat and go for a hike – or a carry if you get tired – and see all the sights.”

“That’s a lovely idea, Em. Who else is coming?”

“Well it was going to be me and Jazz, but Edward is pouting, so I figure he wants to tag along too.”

“If Edward’s going, so are we,” Alice called, as she and Rosalie came to join us. “Carlisle and Charlie are going over to the mainland to pick some stuff up, but I bet Esme would like to come too.”

Soon it was agreed that we were all going. Bella exchanged her sandals for boots, and Esme packed a picnic, then we set out.

The house was on the eastern tip of the island and surrounded by the beach. The rest of the island was mainly given over to the jungle that would be so important for Bella’s newborn months. Until she was able to travel to the mainland to hunt, she would be feeding there. When we used the island for vacations, we tried to hunt on the mainland as much as possible, so the wildlife was plentiful. Only I would hunt on the island now, as I didn’t want to be away from Bella for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

While Bella had slept, Emmett and Jasper had been creating trails for her. None of us had ever had need for them, but now the ferns were cleared in a myriad of paths. If you were to look down at the island from above, it would look like a maze.

Emmett told her about their night’s work, and how they had competed to see who could make the neatest paths. She was embarrassed that they had gone to so much trouble, but was reassured when he told her the fun they’d had creating them.

We had only been walking for about twenty minutes before Bella began to lag. With her weakened arm, it was not as easy for her to cling to my back as she once did, but Emmett solved that problem. He swept her onto his back and clamped his hands around her forearms, effectively locking her in place.

When we were not keeping a human pace for her, we were able to move a little faster. Emmett began a tour guide-esque spiel about the trees and wildlife. Most of the big predators were scared away by our approach, but there were small animals that had her mesmerized. Soon it was her laughter that was scaring away them away as Emmett’s explanations became more and more fanciful.

“That right there is a red macaw,” he said, affecting a nasal tone. “Like most parrots, it has the ability to mimic human voices, but the macaw is most famous for its mating call, which sounds like a flushing toilet.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she laughed. Her emotions drew Jasper to her and she gave him a small smile, correctly interpreting his close proximity.

Soon he joined in Emmett’s game and began pointing out the plants and flowers, and creating even more ludicrous tales than Emmett.

“This is a Cantua,” he said, pointing to the bright pink blooms. “They have the ability to blow soap bubbles, but are very shy about it.”

His serious tone and expression as he spoke made it that all the more entertaining, and soon we were all lost to hysterics.

We reached the waterfall around noon, and Bella, Esme, and I settled on the rocks while the others swam and dived.

“You want to come in, Bella?” Alice asked.

“No thanks, I’m happy watching.”

She didn’t watch for long, though. Settling her herself between my legs, she leaned back against my chest and fell asleep.

Esme took her wasted hand into her own and stroked the palm, watching the way the fingers weakly curled in against her touch.

“Why is this happening?” she asked.

Her question had drawn the attention of the others; they ceased their playful splashing and fell silent waiting for my answer.

“It’s the tumor,” I explained. “It is constantly growing, and that puts pressure on the brain. Carlisle has gone onto the mainland to get some new medication that should reduce the swelling, but it’s not going to help for long.”

“This is wrong,” Rosalie said, pulling herself up onto the rocks beside us. “She was given months. This is progressing much faster than it should.”

“Not months,” Bella said quietly.

I hadn’t realized she was awake again. I saw through Esme’s thoughts that her eyes were still closed, even though she was talking.

“It isn’t months anymore,” she said, then fell silent.

I wanted to question her further, but her breathing became the deep sighs of sleep again.

I caught Alice’s eye, but she shook her head frantically. “Please don’t ask me to do that again,” she begged.

When I had returned home after getting Bella’s final agreement, Alice had looked for Bella’s future to check that the vision was now locked on a change.

It was, but as she searched, she also saw some of the later days of Bella’s illness. Having never come into contact with a terminally ill person before, it had terrified her. It took a long time for Carlisle and me to convince her that Bella would be okay.

Given Bella’s cryptic announcement, I wanted Alice to look and nail down a timeline for what was coming, but her expression was so desperate that I didn’t have the heart to ask. 

“Okay, I won’t ask,” I assured her.

“Shall we head back?” Esme suggested.

Bella didn’t look like she would be waking anytime soon, so I scooped her into my arms and we set off for the house again. We were a far more morose party as we headed back. We didn’t speak much, each of us lost in thoughts of Bella’s pronouncement. Unfortunately for me, that meant I was not only dealing with my own worries, but the musings of everyone with me, too.

When we got back to the house, I settled her on one of the large bed-style couches on the deck and lay down beside her. Alice, Jasper, and Esme came out to sit with us.

Alice sketched on a pad and Jasper sat beside her, running his hands absently through her hair. Esme was humming quietly to herself, and searching the horizon for any sign of Carlisle and Charlie’s return.

I wasn’t paying attention to anyone but the sleeping woman beside me, and when Alice cleared her throat to gain my attention, it took a moment to draw my eyes from Bella to look at her. She was holding up the sketch she had been working on, and I had to stifle a sob when I saw it.

She had drawn Bella and me as we were positioned now, but we were different.

She had erased all signs of Bella’s illness; her body was that of the Bella of Ithaca. Her figure was toned and full again, her hair the long lustrous locks of before. Even though her face was peaceful with sleep, she seemed to radiate life.

More shocking than that was my own image. I was lying beside her just as I was, but my eyes were closed and my face was relaxed in the easy lines of sleep. She had drawn me as human. 

“Oh, that’s lovely,” Esme sighed. “We’re going to need to make copies of that.”

She had meant we would take it to a professional to be copied, but Alice settled back with her pad and began a perfect replica of the first sketch.

I moved a little closer to Bella and tried to emulate the serenity Alice had drawn me with. I replayed memories of my time with Bella and set my breaths to match her pace. My own form of dreaming.

I didn’t open my eyes again until I heard the sound of the boat’s engine bringing Carlisle and Charlie home. Emmett and Rosalie were drawn out by the sound, and we waited together for them to come into sight.

Charlie looked especially strained. I gathered from Carlisle’s thoughts that he’d been questioning him about the time after the change. His resolution to know no more than was necessary was still firm, but he wanted to know what the experience would be like for Bella.

In coincidental symmetry to a conversation Bella and I once shared, Carlisle described it as withdrawal for a heroin addict. It would at times be painful; she would crave something so much that it would overcome all rational thought, and that craving made her dangerous. He reassured him that we had all been through the same thing, and we got through it.

Charlie tried to imagine Carlisle like that, but was unable. I had difficulty imagining it, too. Though I had seen Carlisle’s memories of that time - he showed them to me as a newborn to reassure me that the feeling didn’t last forever - I still couldn’t picture it.  

Once Carlisle stepped under the canopy covering the deck, his skin lost the unnatural light the sun created, and Charlie breathed a sigh of relief. He could pretend we were human most of the time, but the prisms of light bouncing from our skin made it impossible.

Carlisle enquired about our day, and Emmett told the story of our trek through the jungle with relish. He was proud that he had drawn so much laughter from Bella, and was eager to share it.

“Sounds like you wore her out,” Charlie said, smiling fondly at his slumbering daughter.

Rosalie wanted to question Carlisle about the speed at which Bella was declining, but was uncertain whether she should wait until Charlie was out of earshot. She looked to me for guidance, and I nodded encouragement. Charlie had as much, if not more, right to hear this as any of us.

“Why is this happening so fast?” she asked. “I know they can’t be exact when estimating these things, but the arm weakness…”

She trailed off, not wanting to say what she and Carlisle and I already knew. This really was too fast, and that meant the rest of what was to come would likely be too fast as well.

“There isn’t a fight,” Bella said sleepily, once again catching us off guard.

I helped her into a sitting position, and she leaned heavily against me. 

“I’m not sure I understand,” Carlisle said.

“Up to now there has been something to fight for,” she explained. “Now that everything is settled, I don’t have to fight so hard. I don’t know how that holds up to your medical facts, but I think that’s what is happening.”

“That theory actually has credence,” Carlisle said thoughtfully. “I have seen people live long past their expected time as they were waiting for something; they had unfinished business. It makes sense that it would work in reverse too.”

“So what does that mean for Bella?” Charlie asked. “Do you have to do whatever it is you’re going to do already?”

It was Bella who answered. “Not yet. There is still time, just not as much as we thought.”

She spoke with such certainty that it was a little unnerving. I had avoided the thoughts of people in her position as much as possible for my own peace of mind, but I wondered if they all had this curious ability to understand these signs. My human memories were vague, especially those of my time in the hospital, but was it possible I had once had this same ability. My mother had known she was out of time, she had begged Carlisle to save me, but that was in last hours of her life. If the flu had raged in her longer, would she have known then too?

“Let’s go for a walk,” Bella said, pulling me from my thoughts.

I helped her up and wrapped an arm around her waist. She led us down to the shore, and we stood in the shallows together, the waves lapping at our ankles.

“Can we go swimming tomorrow?” she asked.

“We can do whatever you want,” I promised. 

xXx

We didn’t go swimming the next day, nor the day after that.

That evening, she developed a headache that lasted for three days. We hung blackout curtains over the bedroom window, and I lay with her as she slept. She would wake at regular intervals for more pain relief, and would soon drop off again.  

Charlie would come and sit with us for a while when she was awake, but felt useless when she was still sleeping, and it was obvious she was still in pain.

We were considering changing from oral pain relief to more powerful means when she finally began to improve. She woke in the night and announced that she was hungry.

The night was balmy, so we sat out on the back deck while she ate. Esme had made her a sandwich, but despite her hunger, she only managed half of it before pushing it away.

I was concerned that she was going to lose the little time we had if she didn’t eat more, but Emmett came up with the solution. Though she had little appetite for food, she drank juice without difficulty. The next day, he and Rosalie went over to the mainland and came back with a blender and bulging sacks of fresh fruit.

He worked in the kitchen for a while, and came out holding a tall glass of blended fruit with liberal doses of meal replacement powder mixed in. To my relief, and his delight, she loved it, and he became her designated chef.

Though she was eating again, there were other less positive signs. The arm that had been weak since our arrival became practically useless. She favored clothes with deep pockets so she could hide her hand, and save her the embarrassment of us seeing it swing pointlessly at her side. The absent seizures were coming more and more often, and we were all waiting for the day they did not pass on their own to become full seizures.

Swimming was too much for her to handle, but she still enjoyed the water, so I would hold her in my arms and let the waves lift her gently. Every evening we would watch the sunset together, standing in the shallows. Though we were often joined by others during the day, the sunsets were always for us alone.

We had been on the island three weeks when Alice had a vision that both shocked and pleased us. Renee was going to call.

Charlie had been calling her every day, attempting to reason with her, but from what I gathered from their conversations, she was still firmly rooted in denial. She seemed to think Charlie and Bella were there on vacation with us. Though she asked him about the weather and what we had been doing, she refused to talk about Bella’s health, and suggestions that she speak to Bella herself were always met with a disconnected call. But she was going to call Bella’s phone.

We deliberated over whether or not to tell Bella in advance, in case Renee changed her mind and left her disappointed. But, as usual, Bella worked it out for herself. At the expected time, Bella sat on the shore alone and stared at the phone in her hand with anticipation.

She had asked for privacy to take the call, understanding that we would not be able to avoid hearing range, but requesting she be left alone physically. Charlie sat with us in the lounge, the only one of us that couldn’t hear both sides of the call.

Bella started when it rang, then answered with a happy sigh. “Hi, Mom.”

“Bella. It’s so good to hear your voice sweetie, I’m really missing you. Are you having fun?”

Alice’s eyebrows shot up so high they were in danger of disappearing into her hair. Jasper rubbed her arm soothingly, adding a little of his calming influence when that didn’t seem to help.

“The island is lovely,” Bella said calmly. “And I miss you too. I wish you had called sooner, I’ve wanted to speak to you for a while.”

“Well I couldn’t,” Renee said brightly, a jarring contradiction to the gravity of the situation. “I was afraid if I spoke to you before now, I would blurt it out, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up. They say three months is the important time.”

I couldn’t believe she was being so crass as to talk about Bella’s life like this, but I didn’t have a chance to ponder it further as Rosalie hissed angrily and jumped to her feet. Alice blocked her at the door.

“She said she wanted privacy,” she reminded her.

“Trust me,” Rosalie growled. “She doesn’t want privacy for this.”

Bella’s voice came back to me across the air. “Yes, three months is important,” she said carefully. “I know you’re upset, Mom, but–”

“Oh, I’m not upset,” Renee said, cutting her off. “I was nervous at first, but now I’m excited.”

“You’re excited?” she asked, her confusion clear.

“Of course I am, we both are. Phil has always wanted a child of his own, and I’m older now, I’ll have a second chance to get it right. I know I wasn’t the best mother for you, but—”

“You’re pregnant,” she said blankly.

“I am,” Renee gushed. “You’re going to be a big sister. Are you excited?”

We had all jumped to our feet when Rosalie got to the door, but we became frozen in place by the horror of the moment. If Renee had been in front of us at that moment, I didn’t think there was any one of us that could have resisted the urge to attack her.

“Congratulations, Mom,” Bella said tonelessly. “I’m really happy for you. I have to go now.”

Renee was babbling protests, but Bella ignored them. She swung back her arm and launched the phone through the air and into the ocean.

I ran out to her side, Charlie following.

“She doesn’t mean it, Bells,” Charlie began.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said stiffly.

“Okay, we don’t have to talk about it,” I said softly. “Is there anything you would like to do now?”

“I’m tired. I’m going to lie down for a while.”

She usually lay on one of the loungers on the deck when she rested during the day, but she shunned it in favor of the bedroom. She didn’t look at any of the family as she passed them, and when she went into the bedroom I heard her click the lock. The others came out onto the deck, and Charlie and I joined them.

A lesser man than Charlie Swan would have quailed in the face of the obvious fury from my family, but he barely seemed aware of it. He sat down on the couch and drew a deep breath.

“I could kill her,” he said through gritted teeth. “I could wrap my hands around her throat and choke the life out of her, and I would do it with a smile. How could she do that to Bella?”

None of us had an answer. We were all dealing with our own anger at the moment.

“Jasper,” I said quietly.

He nodded and focused his gift on Bella. It was hard for him to get a clear reading through all the anger surrounding him, but the disparity between our emotions and Bella’s eased it somewhat. While we were all dealing with different degrees of rage, Bella was just sad. I wanted desperately to be with her, but the locked door was a clear sign that she wanted solitude.

I listened to the sounds of her booting up the laptop and the slow one handed clicking of keys. After a half-hour of typing, I heard her snap it closed, and the door unlocked. I was going to go to her, but she was already making her way out to us.

“Emmett, would you mind making me something to drink?” she called from the kitchen.
Glad of something useful to do, he hurried inside and began preparing the fruit.

She came out and sat down beside Charlie. His hands were still clenched into fists in front on him, and she squeezed his arm gently. She gave Jasper a significant look, and he sent Charlie a steady stream of calm until his fists unclenched.

“Don’t be angry with her,” she said softly. “It’s not her fault.”

“Bells, she’s–”

“In denial,” she finished for him. “She’s Renee; did we really expect anything else from her?”

“I never imagined that was what was happening,” he said bitterly. “I don’t understand why Phil didn’t say something, though.”

“Phil is a man in love, and an expectant father, he can’t be expected to fix her mistakes. Eventually reality will catch up with her, and she will realize what’s happened, or at least what she thinks has happened. I will be alive and happy, but she will never know that. Besides, in a way this simplifies things. You won’t have to stage a funeral, as everyone that matters knows the truth already.”

I stared at her in amazement; she was taking this better than the rest of us combined. She was even able to see the positives, when all I could see was ways to punish Renee for her stupid, selfish reactions. She had no right to be in denial; this wasn’t about her, it was about Bella. She should have put aside her own feelings and focused on her daughter for a change.

Emmett came out and handed Bella a tall glass of juice and she drank it, staring out at the ocean. The sun was making its journey toward the horizon; soon it would be time for us to go to the water again.

“Can we go back to the waterfall tomorrow?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” Emmett said happily. “We didn’t get to finish our tour last time. You haven’t seen the squirrel monkeys that live exclusively on the nuts of smaller animals.”

Charlie shot him a confused look, and he began explaining the lesser known facts of the island’s wildlife. Jasper joined in, and they each tried to outdo the other with ridiculous facts.

Soon, we were all laughing as their stories became more and more ludicrous. Bella looked satisfied, and I realized she had engineered this scene. She had distracted us from our anger at Renee, and replaced it with happiness.

Once again I stared at the woman I loved in awe.

Alice caught my eye and smiled widely. She is going to be spectacular. You know that, right?

I nodded. She already was.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

We did go to the waterfall the next day, and this time Charlie and Carlisle came too.

Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme watched from the rocks as the rest of us played in the lake. Alice had managed to find a beach ball somewhere in the house, and we threw that back and forth until Emmett gripped it a little too hard and deflated it.

Bella was largely unable to join in those games, but she didn’t let that hold her back. Emmett carried her on his back as he had on the hike down, and he drew gales of laughter from her by ducking and jumping from the water. His enormous form created a tidal wave that splashed around her as they hit the water each time. Charlie fretted at first, worried she would be hurt or that Emmett would drop her, but there was no risk to her. Emmett held her firmly, yet as carefully as if she was made of spun glass. 

Eventually she tired, and we sat on a rock together. Her legs kicked lazily at the water as we watched the others play. Charlie was watching them too, his thoughts - as always - musing about Bella; a smile played on his lips as he imagined her able to play as freely as my siblings.

It was a good day. In the days that followed, I appreciated it all the more, as it was the last really good day we shared.

xXx

That evening, we sat on the beach together watching the sunset as we did every evening, and when it had disappeared completely, Bella called Alice and Rosalie out to us.

“Either of you any good at cutting hair?” she asked.

Her hair had grown longer than ever, but the uneven length sat just below her shoulders, and I knew it still troubled her.

Alice squealed excitedly, and before I knew it, Bella was swept from my arms and into the house.

“Well that’s them occupied for a couple of hours,” Emmett said. “What are we going to do?”

We decided on a slightly toned down game of football on the beach. Charlie and Esme watched from the deck, and Carlisle came to play.

Though we softened our tackles, Charlie still flinched each time we would collide. After a while, Rosalie came out to join us.

“Alice needs to learn to share,” she said by way of an explanation. “She’s almost as bad as Edward.”

I listened with half an ear to Alice and Bella’s chatter and the snipping of the scissors. Alice was blocking her thoughts, determined that I would get the full effect of Bella’s new hairstyle once it was finished. I had never seen Bella with anything other than long hair, and I was curious to see how she would look with it shorter.

“Bella, are you listening?”

Alice’s voice alerted me that something was wrong, and I assumed it was another absent seizure.

We were all used to seeing these periods of unawareness, and she always came back to herself after a moment. I made my way back to the house anyway, wanting to be with her, but was not rushing until I heard the crash. I ran into the bedroom, Carlisle right behind me.

The sight froze me in place momentarily; Bella was convulsing on the floor while Alice tried to hold her in place.

“Let her go!” Carlisle roared. “You’ll hurt her.”

Alice jumped back as if burned, and Carlisle pulled her away from Bella’s twitching form. If she were to collide with any of our unyielding bodies, she could seriously injure herself.

Charlie came into the bedroom and dropped to his knees beside Bella. He slipped a folded towel under her head and whispered futile reassurances to her.

He turned his attention to the family crowding in the doorway, watching with horror. “Get out!” he barked. “She doesn’t need an audience!”

They left, but Carlisle and I stayed. He didn’t ask us to leave, understanding the need for Carlisle’s medical skills and the pointlessness of trying to send me away.

After a few minutes, Bella’s convulsions slowed and then stopped.

Carlisle dropped down beside her and eased her onto her side. He took her vitals and nodded. “She’s okay now. Give her a moment, then we can move her to the bed.”

Her eyes opened, but she seemed to be staring right through him.

“Bella, you’ve had a seizure,” Charlie said, smoothing her hair back from her face. “How are you feeling, sweetie?”

She didn’t answer; she didn’t even seem to have heard his words. Carlisle lifted her and settled her on the bed. I lay beside her, and Charlie sat at her other side.

After a long time, she seemed to come back to herself. Tears welled in her eyes, and she moaned.

“You’re okay, sweetheart,” Charlie soothed.

She shook her head. “No, I’m not.”

xXx

Things seemed to progress fast after that.

She was weaker than ever, and most of our time was spent lying on the lounger on the deck. She slept for hours at a time, and even when awake, seemed disinterested in all that was happening around her. Alice finished cutting her hair, but she seemed indifferent to the reveal. 

I knew we were approaching the vision Alice had of her before the change, and I felt equal measure of sadness and relief at the thought. I hated that she was suffering, and there was worse still to come. I wanted to change her, but I knew before that happened she would have to say goodbye to Charlie, and that would hurt her.

Charlie knew it was coming too, and though he was resigned to the fact that he would have to leave soon, he clung to every moment with her he could get.

On the fifth day after her seizure, she refused the painkillers Carlisle offered.

His brow furrowed in confusion. She was clearly in pain, and not just the headaches anymore; The other effects of her body’s decline were making themselves known, and it was a painful process.

“Are you not in pain?” he asked.

“I am, but I need to think clearly today, and those drugs mess me up,” she said. “We need to work out the details now.”

We needed privacy to plan, so Emmett suggested a fishing trip out on the boat to Charlie. He deliberated a while before accepting, but Bella’s encouragement sealed the deal. He set out with Emmett, and the rest of the family went back to the waterfall, leaving Carlisle, Bella, and I to talk. 

“We have a week,” she began. “I’m going to need something stronger for the pain, but that way Charlie gets more time.”

“I can arrange that,” Carlisle said. “Will it really be a week? You understand there are certain things we will need for the change to work.”

Namely a beating heart, he finished silently.

“I can do a week,” she said firmly.

We made our plans. I would be the one to initiate the change, with Carlisle there in case I lost control. She didn’t want it to be a spectacle, so when Charlie went home, the others would see him to the airport, then return in time for the end of her change. If she was uncontrollable, Jasper and Emmett would be needed, but she wanted it to be as private as possible.

She wanted time alone with Charlie before he had to leave, so we arranged to go to the other side of the island as a family, to allow them real privacy, unlike her phone call with Renee.

After we finished, Carlisle set up a pump that would administer a steady flow of pain relief for her, and she soon fell asleep again.

When the others returned, we explained the arrangements we had made. Charlie listened quietly and then excused himself to go for a walk. When he returned, his eyes were red-rimmed, but Jasper said he was emotionally calm again.

Even with the increased pain relief, Bella was suffering. She didn’t like to move much and preferred the fresh air, so we created a bed for her on the deck. It became clear that the plan for the others to leave with Charlie was not going to work; Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie were unable to bear watching her decline so far. On the third day after her conversation, she said goodbye to them, and Esme saw them over the mainland. She came back to support us, and so that Charlie would not be forced to travel alone.

On the seventh day, we left her with Charlie, and I hunted, wanting to have full control of my thirst. When we came back, Charlie sat holding her hand.

When he saw us approach, he kissed her forehead, whispered his love in her ear, and walked out to the boat without another word.

It was almost time.

xXx

Bella POV

As the time drew closer, I lost my fear.

The morphine than crept constantly into my bloodstream created a numbness that made all else seem unimportant, but that wasn’t what erased the fear. It was the fact that it was happening either way, and I was prepared. I felt sure that if I was preparing for death instead of the change, I would have felt the same way.

The pain was intense and I knew there was worse to come, but after that I would never feel pain again. I wouldn’t feel the crippling weakness that made breathing seem like too much work to bother with. I had to make one last effort to set things right, and then I could relax.

Charlie sat beside me, and I clung to his hand as I tried to raise myself to a sitting position. I didn’t want to have this conversation lying feebly; I wanted him to see me as strong, even if I wasn’t. He saw what I needed and eased me up, arranging the pillows behind me.

“I don’t want to leave you yet,” he said sadly.

“I don’t want you to either,” I admitted. “But you made me a promise, and it’s time to keep it.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.”

I smiled weakly. “There are other things I need you to do when you get home.”

“Anything,” he promised.

“You need Billy,” I began.

Hr bristled angrily. “I don’t need anything from that man.”

“Yes you do. He understands what is happening now, and you will need someone to talk to about this. I spoke to him when I went to La Push; you can expect him to arrive clutching a six pack sometime soon.”

“Did you at least give him a hard time first?” he asked hopefully.

“I did. I gave him a few things to think about, at least. Let him help you, and most of all, let him guide you. A year is not that long really, but it may feel like it for you. You have to be patient. I promise I will come back to you as soon as I can, but I have to make sure it is safe first.”

“Okay, make nice with Billy; I can do that,” he said lightly. “Anything else?”

“Actually there is. You have to help Renee. She is going to need you when reality catches up with her, and she won’t have the comfort of the truth, like you. I can’t help her with this, but you can. Make sure she knows I understood what happened.”

“I don’t know that I can do that, Bells. I don’t think I can look at her without wanting to rage at her.”

“Then don’t look at her. Call her, call Phil, just make sure she understands. She is going to have a new life to take care of, and she can’t do that if she is torn up about what happened to me. She has a chance to do a good job this time, don’t let her spoil it before it even starts.”

“I’m not making any promises, but I’ll do my best.”

“Good. One more thing.” I smiled, the painful subjects dealt with. “Sue.”

He blushed a little. “What about her?”

“She loves you, and you love her. Stop dicking around and propose already.”

He snorted. “You really want Leah as a step-sister?”

I shuddered. “God no, but I want you to be happy. She can do that for you, and she will know the truth, too. Between her and Billy, you should have enough people to keep you distracted.”

I felt weariness sweep over me and pushed it aside; there were still things that needed to be said.

“I want to thank you,” I said quietly. “I wish I had spent more time with you before, but know that I would never have made it this far without you.”

“I love you, Bella,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “And I’m going to miss you so much. But you are going to have an amazing life with Edward.”

Tears spilled from my eyes, and he wiped them away with a shaking hand. I rested my head on his shoulder and let my eyes drift closed. I felt him shift me so I was lying down again, and then his warm hand closed around my own.

I heard footsteps approaching, but couldn’t force my tired eyes open to see them. I felt Charlie’s kiss on my forehead, then he whispered his love and was gone. Edward was talking then, and Esme, but I still couldn’t wake. I allowed sleep to take me for the last time as cool arms wrapped around me.

The sun was setting when I woke again. Edward was lying with me, and Carlisle was in the chair opposite.

“I want to go to the water,” I said, forcing the words through my tiredness.

Edward scooped me into his arms and carried me to the shore. He sat on the sand, holding me on his lap. My eyes fought to close again, but I refused them.

“Are you okay, love?” Edward asked softly.

“Almost ready,” I sighed. “After the sun is gone.”

“Okay, after the sun is gone.”

I watched the rays of light cast prisms on his skin, and stared at my own dull paleness. It would be the last time I would be that way. The next time we watched the sun set together, our skin would be the same. We would finally be equal.

“Tell me your favorite times,” I requested.

He sighed softly, and I listened to his beautiful velvet voice as he spoke.

“When we went to the Christmas ball. You looked so beautiful, and when we danced, I could hear the jealous thoughts of all the males in the room. It made me so happy that you were there with me, that I was the one you chose.”

The sun touched upon the horizon, and the sky was streaked with red and orange. It was beautiful.

“When you shared you lunch with me that day. It tasted horrible, but I didn’t care. We were talking, and you were relaxed, and I was happy.”

The sun was sinking lower, and the darkness was creeping over the sky.

“The day you fainted in biology. Mike was enjoying the chance to play the hero, but I stole you away from him.”

“Poor Mike.”

“The concert in the park. We sat listening to the music, and it made me feel human. I was so happy.”

“That’s a lot of happy times,” I noted.

“It was always happy with you.”

“Tell me more, please.”

Almost every moment we had shared was replayed in my mind as he spoke. I tried to fix them all to my memory. I wanted to remember these things when the change was over, unwilling to forfeit even a moment of our time together.

Eventually the sun disappeared completely, and the sky became alive with stars.

“I’m ready now,” I said finally.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

He kissed me, a long searching kiss that seemed to say more than all the words we had shared that night.

“I love you so much,” he said fervently. 

“I love you, too.”

He laid me back in the sand, and I closed my eyes. He kissed my cheeks, my eyelids, my lips once more, and then my neck.

He whispered his love once more, and then his teeth pierced my skin.

He saved me.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

The perfect day had passed into a perfect evening. Wedding guests milled around the room. I sat back in my chair and soaked in the atmosphere. My love had left me momentarily to dance with her father. I watched them slowly revolving on the dance floor. Charlie looked, in Bella's words, dashing in his tuxedo. She, of course, looked beautiful in her dress.

Charlie's face was alight with happiness, and I thought back to their reunion.

It had been one year to the day since Bella awoke from her change. She and Charlie had spoken every day over the year, but the separation was still difficult for them both.

Bella was very nervous as we sat on the deck of the Isle Esme house and waited for the boat to arrive. She had been offshore many times since her change to test her control—which was flawless—but she wanted their reunion to happen at the place they had parted.

As the sound of the boat's arrival reached us, her grip on my hand tightened.

"It will be okay, love," I reassured her.

She nodded, but I could tell she wasn't completely reassured. She was in a position neither I, nor my family, had encountered before. After our changes, we had to leave everyone from our human lives behind. I had no qualms about this meeting; Charlie adored Bella, and nothing she could ever do could change that.

The boat chugged to a stop at the pier, and I saw Carlisle and Charlie climb out. The year that had passed had aged Charlie a little more. There were a few more streaks of grey in his hair, and the lines around his eyes were a little deeper. He was shielding his eyes from the sun with one hand and gazing toward the house, searching for Bella.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

She did not answer directly, but got slowly to her feet and walked out onto the sand. The moment Charlie caught sight of her, he dropped the bag he was holding in his hand and held a hand to his heart instead. They both stood frozen for a moment, staring at the other, and then Charlie began running. He sprinted towards Bella, his arms wide, ready to embrace her. They met midway across the sand and fell into each other's arms.

"Oh God, Bella," Charlie choked, holding her to him with all the strength he possessed. "You're… you're beautiful."

That wasn't what he wanted to say. I heard the thought in his mind. What he was going to say was 'you're alive.' Until the moment he had her in his arms, he wasn't completely sure she was still in the world. Speaking to her was not enough for him.

Bella laughed and tossed back her hair. "Immortality has its benefits."

"It sure does," Charlie said, thinking again on the difference in her. When he had last seen her, she had been desperately ill; now she was the embodiment of alive.

My thoughts turned to another reunion, albeit a one-sided one.

Reality hit Renee, as we knew it would, with the force of a cannon blast. Seven months after Bella's death, and one month after the birth of her son, Renee came close to a breakdown. The life insurance payment Bella arranged for Charlie and Renee arrived, and the reality of her loss hit Renee. It was only her new son that pulled her through.

Once Bella passed her newborn year and was sure her control was ironclad, we took a trip to Florida. Bella needed to see her mother once more. We lurked in an empty house on Renee's street, and watched as Renee walked along the street with Bella's brother Matthew in the stroller.

That was the first and last time we saw Renee. Through Charlie, Bella sent gifts to her brother, and cooed over the photographs Renee sent in return. If Renee thought it was unusual that her ex-husband sent gifts to her new son, she never mentioned it. As demonstrated in the past, Renee was not one for deep thought.

My reminiscences faded as I returned my attention to the present. The music had changed and Bella was now dancing energetically with Emmett. I followed her movement with a smile. She and Emmett were closer than ever, and once the temptation of her scent had passed, she and Jasper were able to develop a friendship. In fact, Bella's change seemed to have completed our family in a way none of us had anticipated.

Another unexpected change from her vampire life was her gift. We all expected her ability to block my gift to manifest itself, but it was her ability to see into people that was enhanced. She was able to see the light and darkness inside of people. She and Carlisle called it 'reading souls.' According to her, no one was all good or all bad, but Carlisle was the closest she had seen to all good. A nomad we met in the Amazon was the closest to all bad.

Charlie made his way across the dance floor and thumped into the seat beside me. "She sure is enjoying herself." He was watching Bella, and Emmett too.

I nodded. "She always does."

That was one facet of Bella's life as a vampire that brought me more happiness than anything; she seemed to find joy in absolutely everything. From hunting trips to mundane trips into town with Esme, she enjoyed it all. That, more than anything else, confirmed that I had done the right thing the day I sank my teeth into her throat and started the change. Before, I had believed myself selfish to change her so that I would not lose her.

Charlie's eyes moved to something across the room. I followed his eyes and saw Jacob. He was watching Bella and Emmett with ill-concealed greed.

"Do you think he will ever get over her?" Charlie nodded towards Jacob.

I sighed heavily. Jacob had paid the price of our happiness. He was still, irrevocably, in love with her. I didn't think anything but the pull of imprinting would ever change that. "Maybe. There is still a little magic left in the world for him."

Charlie scoffed. "More myths and monsters stuff?"

"That about sums it up, yes." I laughed.

Charlie's expression turned solemn, and I thought I knew what was coming. We had this conversation many times over the last three years since Bella's change.

"I know I have said it before, but I need to say it again," he spoke fervently. "Thank you, Edward. Thank you so much for saving my baby."

I nodded and repeated the words I had also said many times. "I can't live without her. It was never an option."

The song had changed again, and Bella disentangled herself from Emmett's arms and came to sit with Charlie and me.

"You're neglecting your bride, Dad," she scolded.

She was right. Sue was standing with a group of close friends from the reservation, but her eyes kept darting to Charlie.

"I know when I'm not wanted," he grumbled getting to his feet. "You take care of my best man, though. He still needs to make a speech."

Bella laughed and kissed his cheek, making him blush. "I promise."

Charlie ambled away to join his wife, leaving Bella and me alone.

"It's been a good day," Bella said, resting her head on my arm.

"It has." I turned the engagement ring on her finger. "Do you think we will be next?"

She shrugged. "Maybe, but there is no rush, after all. We have forever."

I smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Forever."

That was the thought I kept stumbling over. It didn't seem possible that we could truly be blessed with this much happiness. I took each day as it came and appreciated every moment I had with my Bella. Because Charlie was wrong. They were all wrong. I didn't save Bella.

She saved me.

Chapter Text

Edward POV

I sat by her side, with her hand clasped in mine, watching my love as she passed through the horrors of the change.

She was so quiet. It was disarming. The only signs of life were the hissed breaths that slipped through her teeth and the pounding of her heart.

I heard movement behind me and turned my head to see Carlisle slip into the room. He took Bella's wrist and pressed gently against her skin. It was already losing some of its pliability.

"She's so quiet," I said in a kind of moan. "What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing is wrong," he said. "She's just quiet like I was."

"You had need to be quiet, you were hiding. She isn't."

Perhaps… He cut the thought off before I could make sense of it.

I stiffened automatically; he was hiding something from me. "What is it?"

"I was just thinking that perhaps she is hiding, hiding her pain from you that is. She wouldn't want you to suffer with her. Not if she could stop it."

I considered his answer carefully. It would be so like Bella to try to hide her pain from me. Wasn't that the reason she had hidden from me when she had been given her diagnosis.

I lowered my head and whispered into her ear. "Bella love, you don't need to hide it from me anymore. I am here, and I love you. I can handle it. If you need to scream, scream. It might help you."

A tear slid from under her closed eyelid. I traced its path with a finger as it slid into her hair. I waited, sure the cries and screams would follow, but she remained silent.

Carlisle patted my shoulder then left the room, remembering Bella's desire to make this as private as possible.

I pressed a kiss to her cheek and rested my head against her cheek. She may be staying silent to protect me, but I felt every inch of her pain as if it was my own anyway.

I comforted myself with the knowledge that she would soon be free of all pain forever.

Sometime later, the phone rang. I heard Carlisle answer it and then his footsteps as he came back to the room. I wondered who would be important enough to call that he would interrupt us again.

It's Charlie, son. Do you think you can speak to him? He held out the phone to me.

There was no one else I would speak to in that moment, other than her father. I knew how he must be hurting.

"Charlie, it's Edward."

"How is she?" he asked without preamble. "Can I speak to her?"

"She's doing as well as we can expect," I said. "But she can't speak at the moment. The…changes are in motion, and she isn't able to speak."

"Is she hurting?"

I didn't want to tell him the truth, that she was in agony beyond imagining, so I diverted his question. "Soon she will never feel pain again."

I heard his heavy sigh. "Never?"

"Never."

"That's more than I could have hoped for. Can she hear me, I mean if you gave her the phone could she hear me?"

"Absolutely. One moment." I put the phone on speaker and held it up to her. "You can speak now, Charlie."

"Bells, it's me. I know you can't speak at the moment, but I just want you to know I'm here for you. I love you so much, baby. So, so much. You're going to be fine, and soon, you will be free."

Another tear slipped from her eye and trailed into her hair.

"She can hear you, Charlie," I said. "And I know she would want me to tell you she loves you, too."

"Yeah, that's my baby."

xXx

After two days of waiting anxiously, Bella entered the last phase of her change. Her heart began to pound louder and faster.

In the night, the rest of the family had arrived, but they kept their distance, comforting me in their thoughts. As Bella's heartbeat echoed through the house, they all came into the room.

"Oh, look at her," Esme said in a sigh. "She's beautiful."

She had always been perfect to me, but even I could see the changes in her appearance. Her skin was the flawless alabaster of my own, with every imperfection removed. The scar on her arm from her disastrous birthday party had vanished, though James' bite mark remained. I hated that it was still there. I hated that there was still a reminder of that pain.

"Gotta admit, she's a hottie," Emmett said, and then looked sideways at Rosalie. "Not that she's got anything on you, babe. Honest."

Rosalie smiled. "Who are you trying to kid? She's perfect."

If there was anything Rosalie could have said to prove her changed opinion of Bella, it was this.

Bella's heart sped impossibly faster, and we all looked down at her.

"I think we should give Edward and Bella some privacy," Carlisle said, mindful of Bella's request.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Carlisle. She may hurt him."

"Bella would never hurt me," I said with absolute confidence.

"Edward is right," Esme said. "This moment is for them alone."

Reluctantly, I could tell, they filed out of the room, leaving my love and I alone together.

"It's just us now, love," I whispered to her.

Her eyelids twitched, and I held my breath. She didn't open her eyes, though her heart was beating its fastest now. It raced on and on, and then, with one final thud, it fell silent.

All was silent in the room for a second as I waited for her to move.

Her eyes opened first, revealing crimson irises. She stared up at the ceiling, betraying no emotion in her features. I stepped back to give her room to grow accustomed to my presence, and she lurched up to a sitting position. Her eyes snapped to me, and a beautiful smile curled her lips.

"Edward." My name was a breathy sigh on her lips.

I returned her smile with a blissful one of my own. "My Bella."

She got from the bed in one smooth movement and came to stand in front of me. Slowly, she raised a hand and traced the line of my jaw. It was a surreal experience. She was no longer radiating heat the way she used to. Now she was the same temperature as me. When her wrist passed my mouth, I kissed it. She froze at my touch and tilted her head to the side.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Something right." She leaned forward slowly, and our lips met in a searing kiss. I lost myself in her taste and her touch. My hands rose and cupped her shoulders. Her own tangled in my hair.

This was bliss. This was my Bella.

This was my forever.