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“You’ll be alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, Rhodey”
“Alright then, call if you need anything,” Rhodey answered and closed the door.
The curtains were closed, the bed made and cold, the only heat source coming from was the fireplace.
He sat on the bed, slowly, and looked around.
Same room, not the same feelings.
He ached more than he let the others know, he ached and ached all that time in space, not knowing whether he’ll live or not.
Tony groaned and covered his face in his hands, feeling like lying down and not moving-
Because why should he?
They lost and it’s his fault…
No, it was damn Strange who gave the infinity stone.
Idiot Space Boy, who liked footloose way too much, that decided to punch Thanos was more important than getting the gauntlet.
And… And Steve… Steve that wasn’t there when he said they’ll fight together and if needed lose together.
They weren’t together, and they lost…
He signed and reached to his nightstand by his bed and opened the top drawer, where he kept the things that were most important to him. Inside were letters, some pictures, a newspaper, an old working phone, and a small faded, black box. He took them out of the drawer and started looking through it. The pictures were of a happy couple, one brunette and the other blonde, one short and the other taller, both smiling and grinning in each and every picture.
Such a happy couple.
Not anymore.
He put the pictures aside and took the small box, rubbed the matte cover with his thumb. The box’s hinge was a bit broken from a well-deserved outburst, after a few attempts he succeeded in opening it, inside was a simple yet beautiful ring. He picked it up and tried it on, the familiar touch of it sent waves of longing yet an aching pain, but he kept it on.
He then took the letters and started going through them.
‘ I saved every letter you wrote me’ Tony thought, ‘From the moment I read them, I knew you were mine. You said you were mine…
‘I thought you were mine…’
A shuddered sigh escaping from him.
Tony looked at the first letter that arrived, he still remembers the excitement and flutters he received upon seeing it, ‘Do you know what Pepper said when we saw the first letter arrive?
She said: “Be careful with that one, love, he will do what it takes to survive.”’
He got up from the bed and limped around the room with the letters in his hands, ‘You and your words flooded my senses, Your sentences left me defenseless and you built me palaces out of paragraphs, you built cathedrals’
He held the letters closer to his heart, remembering the time when everything was happy and right.
When they were happy and right.
A piercing and burning pain shot his heart and Tony felt his eyes prickling, he looked down at the letters, reading and searching,
‘I'm re-reading the letters you wrote me, I'm searching and scanning for answers in every line for some kind of sign of when you were mine.’ and he threw a letter to the hungry fire, ‘The world seemed to burn…’
The fire consuming the letter in seconds.
Tony took the newspaper from the nightstand and read it for the hundredth time.
‘You published your disagreement with the government, you told the whole world how you will not sign the accords. In protecting your best friend, a murderer,” He crumpled the newspaper in his hand, with a long time rage, ‘you have ruined our lives.’ and threw it to the flame.
‘Do you know what Rhodey said when he read what you’ve done?’ He said: you’ve married an Icarus. He has flown to close to the sun.’
The flames were growing as Tony fed it with more painful memories and thoughts. He found a quite newer letter in the pile, not from too long ago, the date of the letter was from the time where Tony waited as each day hurt him more, and every once in awhile the shards in his heart felt piercing as letters arrived from Steve who was running away from the government…
From him…
‘You and your words obsessed with your idealism, your sentences border on senseless’ Tony’s grip tightening around the other letters, ‘and you are paranoid in every paragraph, how they perceive you.’
‘You-’
‘You-'
“You.” He huffed, Steve was just being...him.
Stubborn about his stupid morals and idealistic vision of how the universe should be and all his talk about team team and team but he is never there...
He felt beaten all over again, exhausted and heartbroken, he took from the pile a picture of the time they went to a carnival together, Steve was laughing joyfully from the number of dolls he won for Tony in a game and Tony remembered the laughter that came from his own mouth as he took the picture.
A thought that he has been turning in his mind over and over again has returned once more and he knew that this time his answer will be yes.
“I’m erasing myself from the narrative,” finally expressing his thoughts out loud, even if no one was around to hear him, “Let future historians and newshounds wonder how Tony reacted when you broke his heart,” In a swift motion he tore the picture, “You have torn it all apart.” and threw it to the blazing fire, “I’m watching it burn.”
He took more letters and pictures from the pile and threw them to the fire, “I’m watching it burn!”
Every newspaper that told the story of betrayal, anything that mentioned what happened and Steve, “The world had no right to my heart!” the flames grew more and more and so was the fire inside of him, “The world has no place in our bed, they don’t get to get to know what I said.”
The pile vanishing into the fire as Tony burnt it all, “I’m burning the memories, burning the letters that might have redeemed you.”
The last memories that weren’t burnt yet were the phone and the ring he wore on his finger, “You forfeit all rights to my heart,” he grabbed the phone in fury and threw it to the floor, “you forfeit the place in our bed, you’ll sleep in that hideout, with that friend of yours instead.”
He pulled the ring off his finger and raised it above the fireplace, the burning fire glinting from the metal, “With only the memories of when you were mine.”
Tony let go of the ring.
It was as if time went slower as he saw the ring fall onto the coals and devoured by the flames. He felt out of breath as he saw what he has done in the flicker of a moment, and he fell on his knees.
Tony was tired.
He was done.
The fire in the fireplace was slowly diminishing as the fire inside of him did too, his heart still aches.
He took the old phone that was lying by his side, the screen broken but it still worked, for some reason no matter how much he wanted he couldn’t get himself to get rid of this last item that was left.
He brought the phone closer to his heart, “I hope that you…” his hands tightening around it as he whispered.
“Burn.”