Chapter Text
Hoseok hummed a bit, swaying his hips to the soft sound of music that played from his phone. The afternoon rain storms were coming to a calming end, resorting to a low pitter against his roof that seemed to lull Hoseok’s dog to sleep. The bubble of the stew cooking added to the melancholic atmosphere and for a second, he was living in the moment.
It was the weekend, a gracious resting period for the brunette, as he had no classes left to teach. It had been almost two years since he graduated from Seoul Dance Academy, immediately leaving the school to open his own studio and become an instructor. It wasn’t the most rewarding career In its sense of long hours and strenuous labor, but it was fulfilling, and for hoseok, that was all he needed. His mom had made it plenty clear that she didn’t care where Hoseok went to work, as long as he was happy and he stayed in touch. The reminiscing memory of his mother hugging him before he left Gwangju made the boy smile to himself, relishing in the warmth the stove gave off.
He clicked off the fire, leaning the spoon on the handle of the pot. He rubbed his hands on his yellow apron, wiping off the condensation. The food was finished and he figured he would just laze around in the living room until he was hungry. With the end to that thought, Holly, the petite Shih Tzu hopped to her feet, skitting towards the front door and pawing at it with an unexpected urgency. Hoseok raised an eyebrow, following his dog out of the kitchen. It was unusual for holly to act so drastically when she wanted to use the restroom but he pushed the thought to the corner of his mind.
“ holly needs potty? “ Hobi cooed, walking to the front door and reaching out for her leash.
The dog barked back, starting to growl. Hoseok hesitated, giving the dog below him an anxious look. Holly was usually a passive dog, never one to make a fuss unless someone was at the door. Hoseok bit his lip, coming to the conclusion that someone was most likely behind his apartment door.
Hoseok wasn’t exactly expecting company that evening, considering the moment he graduated, he fell out of touch with most of his friends. He never stayed in Seoul after finishing his education either. He moved back to Gwangju to be closer to family, effectively cutting off all strings with his dongsaengs and superiors so who in the world was at his door?
A loud rapping followed after Holly’s thirds bark, the knock firm but spaced out, sounding almost apprehensive. Hoseok glanced downward at the pup once more, nudging her away with his foot before he turned the knob. He left a tiny gap open, wide enough for him to slightly peak through. Hoseok nervously clutched onto his apron, unsure of what to say.
“ Hello? Who is it? I’m sorry I wasn't expecting company today…” Hoseok answered, laughing lightly at his own awkwardness.
“H-Hoseok Hyung?” A deep voice stuttered through the crack of the entrance.
Hoseok let out a relieved sigh, glad that it wasn’t a complete stranger even though he failed to pin the voice to a face. Very few people called him hyung unless it was one of his students so the familiarity of the honorific eased Hoseoks previous worries. Hoseok proceeded to open the door as far as it allowed, standing in the doorway. He looked at the man up and down before settling on his face, his entire body rigid in shock as the face finally registered in his mind and sparked something in his deep memory.
“ Jungkook?” Hoseok gasped, eyes widening.
Out of everyone in the world he would have never expected his cold and drenched maknae to be shivering on his doorstep, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. Hoseok was feeling a lot at the current moment, settling with confusion as questioned why the male had suddenly appeared on his doorstep, being over 100 miles away from his university back in Seoul.
Jungkook shifted his glance, nervously looking at his mud-stained vans instead of meeting his hyungs gaze. The older tilted his head, even more baffled with how vulnerable his dongsaeng seemed to be.
With a sigh, Hoseok stepped aside, urging the boy to step in. He could tell by the shiver in the youngers voice that he was anything but stable, the least he could do is to hear him out. Jungkook nodded gratefully as he took up Hoseok's offer. He toed off his shoes and picked them up before stepping inside, head returning down and gaze barren. Hoseok turned his back towards the younger, pulling out a pair of house slippers decorated with small chicks, a cute little design that he had always adored. Jungkook placed his shoes on an empty space on the shoe rack, accepting the slippers that were placed on the ground for him.
“ Go sit on the couch, I’ll be back in a second with a towel alright? “ Hoseok patted Jungkook's back, rubbing it a bit before walking away.
He didn’t want to leave Jungkook alone for long, enjoying the newfound company even if due to unconventional circumstances. Hoseok had a hard time getting Jungkook's expression from off his mind, his dead and pale expression sending a chill down his back. It must’ve been a rough trip with the storm and everything, Hosoek thought to himself as he opened his closet to bring out a towel. He came back into the room, towel in hand, to find Holly curled up on Jungkook's lap, the man idly stroking her ears as he zoned out.
He approached the pair, dropping the fabric on top of Jungkook's head, and rubbing his hair with an energized vigor he didn’t he could muster in the tense atmosphere. A smile erupted over his face when Jungkook let out a small yelp, his startled state annoying Holly as she leapt off his lap in favor of a sturdier surface.
With satisfaction, Hoseok stepped back, sitting next to him on the couch as Jungkook removed the towel from his head. Hoseok watched silently as Kook continued to pat down the areas the older failed to cover. The room stayed mute, Jungkooks heavy breathing and sluggish sighs occupying the space as he wrapped the towel around his shoulders. The silence was awkward and weird, Hoseok being forced to just examine the younger. With a few look overs, Hoseok could point out the immediate differences from when he was a senior in high school to now. His face was more sculpted, less baby fat sticking to his jawline. His braces were also gone as well, leaving cute and white bunny teeth to shine when he smiled. His hair was no longer in the childish bowl cut either, instead parted and long, reaching past his ears. Hoseok smiled at the nostalgia. No matter what changed, the boy was still his precious little brother. The same old Jungkook with big round eyes that gleamed when they danced together, and it didn’t take Hoseok long to regain that old fondness he felt for the younger.
“ thank you Hyung...I’m actually really sorry for imposing on you. It was so out of the blue, I never imagined myself here either” Jungkook stated, a bit more confident that his voice wouldn’t break down mid sentence.
He was a lot more relaxed, eyes set on Hoseoks’ own in an intense gaze, waiting for the older to glance away first. The gesture made Hoseok flush, ears tinging a bit pink.
“ it was nothing Kookie. I’ll always be here if you need it maknae. I do have to say I was a bit surprised when you showed up. I didn’t know school was out yet...maybe that’s just me being old and forgetting about time. “ Hoseok giggled, comforted by the fact that Jungkook was a bit more relaxed.
Jungkook smiled as well, eyeing the bag at the foot of the beige couch. Hoseok followed, lingering on how the duffle bag was stained with wet patches. Something about the situation seemed off, but he felt it wasn’t exactly the right time to prod.
“ You’re not old Hyung, you’re two years older then me I hope you know. Hyung is still in his prime.” Jungkook grinned drearly, turning his head to look out the window. It took long pauses between his sentences before finally huffing out.
“ I didn’t expect to come over here either. Never wanted to for this reason of course. I wont go back to my parents. Don’t bother suggesting it.”
He drew circles into his black cargo pants. The last part was barely audible, a little bit above a whisper. Hoseok picked up Jungkook's sudden sadness and shift of subject, the hesitation making him a bit rigid. Hoseok hoisted himself off the seat, rubbing his hips. He turned on his phone, glancing at the time before setting it down on the living room table. It was late afternoon, turning seven and the low rumble of his stomach was really pushing it.
“ You must be cold even with dried hair. Go shower alright? You have clothes in that duffle bag im guessing, but if they’re wet you can use some of mine. I just finished cooking some stew for the weather, let’s have a meal together. It’s been a long day for the both of us.” Hoseok reached out his hand, holding it out for Jungkook.
“ Sounds like a good plan to me. I hope your shower isn’t a fucking Rubix cube or anything of the sort.” Jungkook giggled, unzipping the bag he brought and pulling out a shirt, boxers, and sweatpants. He brought out a washcloth as well, tucking it under his arms along with the outfit and towel he used.
“ My bag is waterproof, I’m not thick-skulled as much as my grades seem to portray. “
You've never changed Hoseok. You’re still the bright, calming, generous and comforting hyung you had always been. Never failing to bring a smile to my face. It's comforting, and weird.
“ Hey! No cursing in this house! Holly might hear!” Hoseok scolded, “ And no, my shower isn’t like one of those other baths where you have to like.. twist right, then twist left, then twist counter-clockwise, only for it to spray out freezing cold water.” Hoseok smiled, eyes swelling in amusement.
The playful glint in the maknaes eyes was a good look for him, Hoseok thought. He didn’t know it at first but a small part of him wanted to see Jungkook happy and playful again. Wanted to see how the boy wanted everything from the world and only more.
The pair departed separate ways, Hoseok going out to set the table and Jungkook to the bathroom. The apartment wasn’t anything huge, Gwangju being a more run-down area than Seoul. To Jungkook's surprise, he noticed himself enjoying the less busy streets, the bumble of crowds more scarce than in Seoul. He found the bathroom easily, a bit further down in the hall from where he assumed was the master bedroom.
The bathroom was clean and well lit, something expected from Hoseok as he was a very clean person. The brown-haired boy placed the outfit over the bathroom sink, hanging up the towel on the hanger and hooking his washcloth over the faucet of the tub. Like Hoseok promised, he turned the knob with ease, a warm spray settling above Jungkook. He removed his clothing, leaving a pile on the floor next to the hamper. He needed easy access to them in case he had to flee the apartment, something he heavily doubted but was a possibility. He had yet to tell Hoseok about the reason for his appearance and right now he just wanted to honestly enjoy the stress-free environment. Hoseok's welcoming presence and understanding of his feelings shredded an unbearing weight off his shoulders that he didn’t realize was grounding down his resolve as a person.
The blazing water warmed his numb and shivering body, feeling safe and at peace with himself. While washing his hair, Jungkook let his thoughts drift off. It wasn’t hard to find Hoseok, as he was always the one closest to him when they were still together as a group. Hoseok was the one to persuade him to join the dance academy in the first place, and for that he was severely indebted. It's a little sad how much he depended on the boy to make him happy. As a high schooler, he was confused about where he wanted to go in life. He was good in education, sports, and arts but he was never dedicated to one craft. He found it impossible to stay interested in one specific hobby or interest that should have defined him as a person and it made him insecure about his place in life.
It didn’t matter how many compliments he would receive. He was always the well-rounded Jungkook. The perfect Jungkook. Good at everything Jungkook. At some point, he confessed to his parents that he was willing to just go into the military and let himself be guided through life but he was scolded harshly by his mother. Saying something about how his talent would be all for nothing. Jungkook sighed in defeat that day, figuring that his parents wouldn’t want anything that wasn’t a proud and bountiful career path. Didn’t matter what it was anyways. He decided from there on out he would just enjoy his time with his seniors, Jimin and Taehyung.
They were both college freshmen when they first met Jungkook, and it was at a senior party nonetheless. Jungkook tried hooking up with Taehyung at first, backing off once discovering he was dating the tiny gremlin Park Jimin. He resided in being friends with the lovely and devoted couple. Through them, he met the college sophomore Namjoon and college seniors Seokjin and Yoongi. It wasn’t until March that he would meet Hoseok.
The last of the conditioner fell out of Jungkook's locks, flushing down the drain. Hoseok owned plenty cosmetics, the bathroom shelf holding more than just the regular shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. There was even some face wash that he couldn’t recognize. The sweet smell of coconut and honey dripped off him, droplets rolling down his body as he turned off the shower. He stepped out, patted his body dry with the hanging towel and dressed himself. The humidity and steam rose high and fogged the sink mirror. He would’ve liked to see how much of a wreck he looked but he brushed it off with an annoyed sigh, carding his fingers through his hair before exiting the bathroom. The towel lay around his neck as he made his way to the main room. The table was already set, a large pot standing next to the rice cooker with two bowls on either side of it. Hoseok was lounging in his seat, apron now gone and scrolling through his phone. Jungkook pouted a bit at that, enjoying how the draping garment made Hoseok look so domestic.
“ Hyung, I finished. Thank you for making dinner and setting everything. You’re still the kind man you’ve always been. “ Jungkook told him, sitting across from the older. Hosoek looked up, smiling warmly at him. The wet locks were pushed back, revealing the maknaes clear forehead. The look made him seem a bit older than 19, which wasn’t exactly good for Hoseok's lonely heart. Hoseok couldn't help his drawn out stare, lingering on the boys’ lips. He noticed the slight flush from the heat of the shower and the small beauty mark underneath his bottom lip that screamed familiar. His heart jumped.
“ It’s nothing kookie,” Hoseok waved off, “ I already finished cooking before you came and I’m happy to finally share a meal with someone other than myself. I'm so lonely! It makes me regret leaving Seoul. My mom barely calls me! She says I’m lazy when I come over..” Hoseok ranted, leaning forward to grab Jungkook's bowl and scoop him some rice, pouring a large amount of the stew on top to accompany the carb.
Jungkook stared at Hoseok intensely, watching how his hyungs light blue shirt hung loose enough for him to see his chest. He shifted in his seat, trying his best to subtly see more. Hoseok pretended not to notice, eyes downcast as he placed down the bowl and set out to fill his own. Jungkook murmured a thank you before digging in the meal, shoving spoonful after spoonful. He moaned at the taste, Hoseok slapping at his arm for his exaggerated groans.
“Hey! You’re gonna choke calm down! Gosh, you act like you’ve been starved for 3 three years. “ Hoseok poked, nodding in approval at his meal.
Jungkook gulped down the enormous bits of food, slightly chewing at the beef before opening up.
“ I don’t eat at school! I’ve been surviving off of chips and beer I swear!” Jungkook filled his mouth with another spoonful, licking left out sauce from his bottom lip.
“ Sometimes they’ll offer vegetable dip if it’s calmer but other than that I don’t eat much. Minus the continuous stream of never-ending ramen cups that hyung keeps complaining about. “ Jungkook winced, remembering the reason why he wasn’t in school anymore was the exact reason he wasn’t eating well either. Hoseok stopped, eyebrows arching at the man in front of him. Jungkook seemed to shrink again, eyes looking anywhere but Hoseok. He continued to eat, tight-lipped.
“ Booze? What in the world are you doing at school for you to survive off of booze? I hope you’re focusing on your dream Jeon. You can’t graduate college with just dance ability. You also have to pass the education part of it as well.” Hosoek trailed off, the lingering feeling of something bad creeping upon him. He can’t wait anymore, he needs to know why Jungkook is suddenly here. Everything was just too bizarre and different and out of place. It's the same jungkook, but a different position. It's like he was a rock that's been slightly rotated over time and he's just finally noticing.
“ How did you find me Jungkook?” Silence.
“what are you doing here?” more painful silence.
“ I know for sure that school isn’t out yet. I texted Taehyung earlier to ask if he knew about your disappearance. He doesn't. He thought you were with your parents.” a throbbing silence.
“ Why did you lie? ”
.
.
.
Jungkook cringed, cursing himself for not being careful. But as much as he scolded himself, he knew this outcome was inevitable. It was all inevitable. The humiliation. The disappointment. The hopelessness. He couldn’t hide what was concerning him from Hoseok, he mentored him throughout his senior and first year in college. There's nothing he can hide. Nothing at all.
Jungkook placed down his spoon, rubbing the back of his neck before looking up at his hyung. The look Hoseok gave him made Jungkook want to puke. Fear and distress were bitter and sour tastes that left an ongoing stream of complete mess dripping from your tongue, and Jungkook could practically choke at this moment. He idly licked at his chapped lips, giving himself a second to collect his thoughts. Hoseok waited patiently, wanting to give the maknae the space he needed. Yes, he did need that space because if he hadn’t he feels that he would simply combust into grains of sand. Sand that Hoseok would try his best to pick up but ultimately fail, only getting the pieces in his eyes.
“ I called your parents”
Heart beat
“ I lied to them “
Heart beat
“ I told them I wanted to practice at your dance studio “
Heart beat
“ I’m sorry “ Jungkook confessed, rapidly tapping his foot against the floor.
He waited for Hoseok's response but continued when he was met with nothing but a nod. He figured the older didn’t mind as much, which he was grateful for. Jungkook didn't need to feel hurt and awkward anymore than he already did.
“ You’re right. School isn’t out. I ran away, “ He couldn’t do it anymore. The realization that he had come to admit his situation was like a collapsing bridge, the rope keeping it up suddenly tangling into Jungkook's limbs as he plunged into the river below him. He can't breathe, he can't see, it's all just a stream. It’s cold and unfamiliar, and it bit back harder than he could manage.
Before Hoseok could reply, he let out a sob, harshly shoving his forearm into his mouth and biting down. He didn’t want to cry. Didn’t want to show Hoseok how much of a mess he let himself become, but destruction follows no one. Jungkook yelped, the pain and embarrassment all crashing into a sick tsunami of agony.
“ I-I don’t know who I am anymore Hyung… I can’t dance, I can’t focus. I’m such a failure. My grades are slipping hyung I was kicked off the dance team. Every night it was parties. It was drugs and it was alcohol. So much alcohol. Every morning I woke up dazed and confused, and in someone’s bed and it felt like I wasn’t in control. I was so confused and I don’t know why I stopped trying. My world started to crash when the captain pulled me aside to tell me that he couldn’t have people like me on his team. I don’t-- I don’t know how I could’ve let myself slip. I don’t know Hyung and I’m so sorry! I’m sorry hyung please forgive me!. I want to dance hyung! I want to be in control again hyung! “ Jungkook screeched into his arm, eyes clenched tight.
He reached out for Hoseok, grabbing his hand with surprising strength. Tears streamed down his cheeks and gathered at the tip of his chin, falling pathetically onto the table below him. Jungkook wanted to scream and shout and kick for what he wanted. How he just needed acceptance. For someone to understand how he felt and not make him feel like he was a lost cause and that there wasn't a way for him to recover from his mistakes. He needed one person. Someone to pull him aside and just look at him. Make him feel human and normal, and the same. The same well rounded, perfect, and good at everything he did, Jungkook.
Hoseok stared at the sobbing and wrecked man in front of him, the stress and the anxiety all making sense suddenly. The weight and baggage of his maknae’s poor troubles tortured Hoseok. A side of him blamed himself for letting Jungkook become the mentally weak man he was today. If he was a good hyung he should have checked up on him, and the guilt scorched him like no other flame he had encountered. Jungkook was Hoseok's pride and his pedestal. He built Jungkook from the once confused and unsure boy into a passionate man. With God's will, he was now forced to rebuild him once more. The sorrow of the younger's conflicts ate at him like a crazed beast, and it was selfish for him to think that the only way to relieve the feeling was to help Jungkook. Hoseok let go of the quivering hand, scooting himself out of the chair and heading over to Jungkook's side.
The younger cried harder into his arm, hisses of frustration coming out wet and desperate. The raw emotion made Hoseok shrink as he grabbed onto Jungkook's shoulder, pulling him to stand up. Jungkook desperately grappled onto Hoseok's waist, clutching him firmly as he let his head collapse into the crook of the olders neck, muffling his cries further. Hoseok rubbed his palm over his back, shushing the taller one and using his other hand to hook around kooks shoulders. Hoseok couldn't help but wince at the man's grip, fingers digging into his hips as if he would dissipate if he didn’t hold on tight enough.
“ Jungkook... I’m so sorry... Hyung is sorry ok?” Hoseok began to tear up, rubbing the back of his head with gentle strokes.
“ Hyung is so sorry for leaving you like this, and Hyung is sorry that you felt you couldn’t tell me sooner. Hyung is so sorry he didn’t check up on you as he should’ve. Hyung is so sorry you feel like this or you turned out like this. Jungkookie you’re not alone. I am here, and I will never judge you for the things you do. You’re my baby brother.” Jungkook sobbed louder, pressing his open mouth onto Hoseok's deltoid.
“ I...it hurts so much to see you like this. It’s gonna be ok Jungkook. Stay here as long as you need. “ Hoseok's voice cracked mid-sentence, the sadness in his voice making his throat dry. He nuzzled his cheek against Jungkook's still damp hair. He tilted his head back to keep the tears from falling out of the crevice of his tear duct, sniffing lightly. His heart panged with suffering, and he wanted to cry out on Jungkook’s behalf, so badly that it sank his stomach to the floor.
It shouldn’t be like this.
Jungkook should be happy, enjoying his college life and feeling free and happy but instead, he was broken down and clueless. The pair stayed like that for what seemed like hours. After a few minutes of Hoseoks tearing up, he finally settled down, resulting in swinging them both gently. His mother used to do this for him whenever he was sad, murmuring badly sang lyrics and holding his waist while they shuffled around the living room. Fortunately, Jungkook didn't resist much, head still on Hoseok's shoulder as he let himself be wiggled around and swayed by the older. It was nice. Everything was serene and calm. The rain was pitter-pattering against the roof of the apartment, Holly being lulled back to sleep by the rhythm, and Hoseok was swaying, with his broken maknae in his arms. As nice as it could be in that moment.