Chapter Text
Angela sat outside the airport, eyes glued to the boarding pass glowing on her tablet. For most of the morning, her body stayed glued to that bench, unwilling to move.
Someone approached the bench and asked if they could take a seat beside her. Angela nodded, picking up her carry-on bag and placing it on the ground next to her suitcase. She noticed the Egyptian military uniform. Intrigue urged her to get a better look at her bench companion but Angela didn’t want to seem rude. She kept her eyes focused on her tablet instead.
“When’s your flight?”
“Huh?” Angela snapped her eyes away from the screen to finally see the person beside her. She blushed at the warm smile greeting her.
The woman pointed to the tablet. “Since I’m just waiting, I can help keep track of time.”
“Thank you, but I decided I’m not going.”
“Staying here then?”
Angela shrugged. “It looks that way. I was offered a chance at a hospital back home but… I couldn’t get myself on the plane.”
“Maybe it’s for the best.”
“How so?”
“I got to meet you.”
Angela’s blush deepened. “Flatterer.” She locked her tablet and focused her full attention on the woman next to her. “What about you? Do you have anywhere to be or do you just like to strike up conversations with strangers?”
“My mother is picking me up. Since I’m home, I’m apparently staying at least a week with her.”
“She must have missed you.”
“It’s more like she knows I have time off so she’s taking advantage of it. This was my last tour with the military and I’m staying home for good.”
Something about that sparked excitement in Angela. “Maybe I’ll get to see you around?”
“I’d like that.” The woman reached into her backpack and pulled out a pen and a crumpled receipt. She scribbled something on the back and handed it to Angela. “That’s for just in case I don’t bump into you again.”
The cheeky smile in the early afternoon sun was contagious. Angela couldn’t hide her grin as she took the wrinkled receipt.
“Ma’am?” Angela jolted in her seat. “Is this spot taken?”
Wiping away the stray tears rolling down her cheek, Angela stood up from the airport bench. “No. I was just leaving.” She stuffed a discolored piece of paper in her pocket and walked away down the dark sidewalk.
After an hour of driving, the car door slammed shut. Angela reached into her pocket and fished out her house keys. The lights were off. Ana must have gone to bed.
Angela tossed her shoes off once she got inside. Quiet footsteps brought her to her room where she shut the door with a soft click behind. The bed gave way under her weight. She didn’t even notice she moved from the door until tear brimmed eyes spotted the small box on her bedside table. Angela slid her hand into her pocket, feeling the paper crinkle beneath her touch. She was careful with pulling it out. The receipt served as one of the few memories she allowed herself to keep.
Opening the small box, Angela tucked the receipt away first. Trembling fingers pulled off the wedding band she wore and placed it on the worn piece of paper. It obscured most of the numbers but Angela could still see the scrawled out name beneath them. Fast hands closed the box before familiar tears could stain her cheeks.
Angela didn’t bother changing out of her clothes. She knew not to get out of bed then. Too many nights crying on the bathroom floor unable to move taught her better. She climbed under the sheets, pointedly facing the window before squeezing her eyes shut and gritting her teeth to keep from crying.
Sleep eventually came hours later.
-
The insistent nagging of her alarm woke Angela up. Her face felt tight. She rubbed at the dried tears and sighed. It would wash off in the shower.
In the bathroom, Angela made the water as hot as she could tolerate. She winced when the water hit her skin but relaxed once the heat warmed her skin. She didn’t move, not until her face went numb.
The drain had her rapt attention. Angela finished washing up ten minutes ago but her legs were locked in place as she thought about her plans for the day. Last year she and Ana went for a visit after her shift at the hospital. This year, she wanted some time to herself before their visit. That was why she got up at four in the morning.
Steam spilled out of the bathroom when Angela finally got herself to leave. She ran a towel through her wet hair and tossed it over a chair. Grabbing her shoes for the day, Angela shoved them on each foot. She made it all the way to her bedroom door before turning around. Her eyes landed on the small box still sitting on the bedside table. She hesitated before walking towards it.
Angela’s fingers tapped the box, feeling the familiar texture. She’d grown used to how it felt from the countless nights of squeezing it tight between her palms only to place it back where she had it. The box opened and Angela grabbed the golden wedding band. She slid it on her finger, closing the box afterward.
She passed Ana’s room on the way to the kitchen. She hated going in there, feet picking up the pace just to pass by it faster.
Coffee started brewing as she walked in, the time read 4:30 on the machine. She made a small breakfast and stuffed it in a food container when the coffee maker beeped. The pot of coffee found a new home in a travel mug. Breakfast and coffee in hand, Angela headed out the front door.
Pale fingers gripped the steering wheel tight. Angela had gone by herself plenty of times before. Sometimes she’d visit for hours on end, rare moments where she felt good enough to recount her day. Today wasn’t one of those times.
-
The rising sun warmed the cool air around her. Angela ate her breakfast slower, not wanting to leave for work quite yet. She didn’t care if she got to work late. They’d understand.
“We’re coming to see you tonight after I get off work.” She took a sip of coffee and pressed her back to the cool stone behind. Tears filled her lashes. Angela dropped the travel mug when she went to wipe them away. The coffee spilled out into the grass. “I’m sorry. I know you never liked coffee.”
Angela picked up the overturned mug, placing it atop her empty food container. “I miss you.” She hugged her knees, resting her chin on them. “I miss you so much.”
She stayed that way, fingers idly twirling the wedding band around. Despite how painful this day was, Angela found comfort in her spot in the grass, ignoring the alarms she set for work.
At the sound of morning traffic, Angela stood up, empty containers in hand, and walked away from the grave that read: Fareeha Amari.
-
Amélie had her legs crossed, her hands folded above the table. The coffee she ordered had long since gone cold but that didn’t concern her. Angela sat across from her, one of her hands gripped the table as the other stayed busy covering her eyes.
Around noon, Amélie received a call from Angela. At first, when she picked up, Amélie got nothing but the background noise of the hospital, then silence that followed the clicking of a door. Three words: Are you busy? She was on her couch, half-naked with a warm cheek fused to her chest. Amélie replied with a quiet ‘no’ as she ran her free hand through soft hair.
“I’m sorry.” Garbled words came out of Angela’s mouth as she tried to speak again.
“It’s been two years, yes?” Amélie stretched out a hand to comfort Angela. She watched how Angela could only answer with a nod of her head. Gentle fingers curled around Angela’s. The touch seemed to make the sobbing a fraction better. “Time helps but you’ll always love her. It’s okay to miss her. It’s okay to cry.”
Angela uncovered her eyes, letting the tears flow freely. She squeezed Amélie’s hand back. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
A cold coil winded through Amélie’s body. “You are a strong woman, I’m sure I didn’t do much to help you.” If it were anyone else, she would have taken the compliment.
“You’ve helped more than you know.” A grateful smile appeared on Angela’s lips.
Amélie picked up her cup, taking a sip of her cold coffee to hide her frown. Her phone lit up on the table. A text with a single kiss emoji sent to her. And then another one, an image she didn’t dare attempt to open in front of Angela.
“Do you need to go?” asked Angela.
Amélie flipped her phone over on the table and shook her head. “No, I can stay as long as you need.”
-
When Angela got home, she found Ana sitting on the couch. Ana held her and Fareeha’s wedding photo, tired eye blinking slowly at it. Angela didn’t want to disturb her but if they were going to visit Fareeha, they should head out soon.
“I’m home.” Angela closed the door behind her, smiling at Ana as she walked closer.
Ana looked up from the photo, blinking fast at Angela’s voice. She matched Angela’s smile and put the picture down on the table in front of her. “Welcome back. I’ll be ready in a moment.”
Angela gave a stiff nod. “I’ll just go get changed.”
Walking past the living room, Angela headed to her room. She went straight for the bed and sat down. Angela stared down at her shoes, watching them sway over the edge of the bed. Her jaw clenched. Fingers curled into fists. And she kept staring, feeling her head shake as she tried to hold back. Because she remembered this same night two years ago.
The phone call she got that made her smile.
Fareeha on the other end trying to talk away her boredom on her long bus ride.
How she let the call go on even after Fareeha had fallen asleep.
And then it went silent as Fareeha’s phone died.
Angela remembered the piercing ringing that ripped through her ears when she got another call. It didn’t feel real.
Her mouth got dry. Her throat ached and her head hurt. It hurt so damn much.
We’re so sorry for your lo-
“Angela?” Ana knocked on the door, a hint of worry spilled through the other side of the door.
Trembling fists stilled. Angela let go of a held breath. She relaxed her hands and stilled her feet, finally looking away from them as her focus snapped to the door.
“I-” Angela’s voice croaked. She swallowed hard and tried again. “I’ll be out in a moment.” She still needed to get changed.
-
Ana took her hand off the door. Angela had been in her room for nearly 40 minutes. She understood how time always managed to escape you in grief. How there never seemed to be enough of it, rushing ahead without heed of those it left behind.
Backtracking to the living room, Ana couldn’t help how her eyes drifted to the wedding photo, the only photo of Fareeha that Angela left out. The rest were stuffed in a box in Angela’s closet. Or in Ana’s room. Angela rarely visited that room, freezing every time she saw the photos on the wall.
Taking a moment to peer down the hallway, Ana saw that Angela still hadn’t come out yet. She decided to make tea to take with them. It was supposed to be a cold night anyway.
Making tea came with practiced ease. Ana had the water set to boil on the stove and picked out the tea already. There came a knock on the door. She left the kettle on the stove. It probably wasn’t anyone important.
Just in the way that time can speed up, it can also slow down. Ana was grateful for it, else she’d be on the floor, swept down by her knees giving way, no time to brace herself. But she had time, time enough to grab hold of the doorknob and hold on for dear life as she pulled the door open.
“Are you okay?” Worried eyes on the other side of the threshold examined Ana, warm hands already supporting the woman.
“You…” Ana could barely speak, staring straight at the face she thought she’d never see again. Her mind kept screaming it wasn’t real, but her heart knew better.
“Let’s get you inside okay?” Strong arms brought Ana into the living room and had her sit on the couch. The loud screeching of the kettle sounded through the house. “I’ll get that for you.”
Ana sat there, staring at her shaking hands. Too hard to believe. Too good to be true and too cruel if it were her imagination. But the sounds coming from the kitchen told another story.
-
Angela had meant to get ready sooner but every time she tried, her mind flooded with memories of that day. An awful loop of reliving what happened.
The knock at the front door finally spurred her into action. She could hear it all the way from her room, the heavy-handed confidence echoing through the house. Angela stepped out of her room a couple of minutes later, sweater in hand in case it got too chilly for her.
“Who was at the door?” asked Angela as she busied herself with folding the sweater in her hands. She stopped in the living room when she heard no reply. The sound of footsteps coming from the kitchen caught her attention, making her finally look up.
The sweater fell to the ground. Angela’s arms hung limp at her sides. A high-pitched ringing sounded in her ears as her blood froze in her veins. She felt it in her throat first, that frost that held her breath away. Angela backed away with jagged movements, knees threatening to buckle with every step. Stiff fingers rubbed at her eyes, trying to clear her vision of the sight before her. “No, no, no, no.” It wouldn’t go away, the ghost she used to see at every corner.
“Get out.” Words were the only thing that ever worked against her ghost. Angela blinked a few times, hot tears spilling down her face when worried eyes looked back at her. Those same eyes she missed so damn much. “Just leave me alone.” She placed a supporting hand on the wall as a wave of nausea rose to her throat. Angela hadn’t seen one in so long. Why now? “I can’t deal with this today.” Why this day? She closed her eyes tight, hoping her mind would listen, that it would stop this torment. “Please, just leave.”
When Angela opened her eyes, she broke. She let out a painful wail. Angela slammed her fist against the wall, again and again until the pain proved too much. She let it hang limply by her side, feeling it throb in agony.
The ghost got closer, speaking something Angela couldn’t hear over the ringing in her ears.
Almost tripping over herself, Angela spun away from the ghost, clumsy feet taking her back to her room.
-
Ana got up from the couch and reached out for a warm hand, shaking her head as tearful eyes stared back at her with wide exasperation. “Let her go.” The hand pulled out of her hold. Ana grimaced, listening to the footsteps that defied her words as she focused on the floor. “Fareeha.” Some semblance of relief filled her system when her daughter stopped in her tracks.
“What happened?” Strained words barely carried down the hallway.
Ana lifted her gaze from the floor. It was almost too much to look at Fareeha. Because she had been there at the funeral. Seen her daughter’s body lying so still, eyes closed forever. Kissed a cold forehead before they lowered her into the ground.
You shouldn’t be here.
Ana held her arms out, inviting Fareeha to get closer. “Just come here. I haven’t seen you in so long.”
Fareeha turned around, facing Ana. She glanced over her shoulder, to the door Angela disappeared behind before taking the few steps towards her mother. Bending down, she gave Ana the hug expected of her. “You always say that. I’ve only been gone a few days.” The words came out mumbled, laced with profound sadness. Concern for Angela no doubt.
Ana wanted to cry, overwhelmed by the warmth from Fareeha. She didn’t care how it didn’t make any sense. Just that she had her daughter back. “I know, I know.”
“Why is Angela upset?” asked Fareeha. Never one to let things go unresolved, of course Fareeha had to ask about Angela again.
Ana let go of Fareeha and sighed. “That’s… Difficult to explain.”
Fareeha furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”
“For now, Angela just needs some space.”
Fareeha wouldn’t let it go. “She’s obviously upset about something and you want me to do nothing about it?”
“Fareeha, please.”
Frowning deep, Fareeha gave one last look down the hall before letting out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. We can talk about it later. I just,” she sighed again, “want some sleep.”
Ana took hold of Fareeha’s arm and led Fareeha down to her room. “Use my bed.”
“Then where are you going to sleep?”
Ana laughed. “I didn’t say you could have it all to yourself.”
“I can just use the couch.”
“And wake up with a sore neck?” Ana hid her concern behind a grin. She didn’t want Angela to find Fareeha on the couch in the morning. It wouldn’t go over well.
Fareeha rubbed at her neck and shrugged. “I guess not.”