Chapter Text
Aaron Burr spent the first day of his junior year of college dodging in and out of various school bathrooms. The stomach flu had been making the rounds among those who had stayed on campus for the summer break, and Aaron had tried so hard to avoid it. As he threw up his meager granola-bar breakfast, he miserably thought that he had avoided all the other summer students for nothing. He may as well have gone to the on-campus functions and gotten the flu over with during the break, because it was absolutely going to ruin his first few days of classes.
The door to the bathroom creaked open and Aaron heard multiple voices chattering loudly. He took a shaky breath and willed his stomach to stay steady until they left.
“ – what’d you do then?!” came an eager voice.
“I shoved the rest of the burrito into my mouth and screamed, “COME AT ME BRO!” Okay, tried to scream, I mean there was half a burrito in my mouth – ”
“That’s gross. You’re gross.”
“YOU’RE gross.”
“You’re the one talking about food in a public bathroom!”
Nope, thought Aaron to himself. That’s it for me.
And he proceed to puke. Again.
When he finally stopped and, panting, wiped the tears from his eyes, he realized the restroom was silent.
“Oh my god,” came a disgusted whisper from just outside his door.
“Shut up, John,” the second voice said, and Aaron nearly lost it again when he realized he knew that voice.
Alexander Hamilton. Of course it would be. Not quite friends, not quite enemies, Aaron considered Hamilton to be, at the very least, a thorn in his side. A very interesting thorn, yes, who often provided lively debate that Aaron couldn’t quite keep himself from engaging in, but also one who constantly stole the spotlight and garnered the affection of the law department head, Dr. Washington. It irked Aaron to no end.
There was a tentative knock on Aaron’s stall. “Buddy? Hello? You okay in there?”
“Go away,” moaned Aaron, resting his head in his hands.
There was a pause. “Yeah, you don’t sound okay. Do you need help?”
Aaron gritted his teeth and hoped Alex didn’t recognize his voice as he spoke again. “M’fine. Go away, please.”
“Maybe we should go,” said the other boy, who Aaron knew had to be none other than John Laurens, Alexander’s constant companion and sometimes lover.
Although that could just be rumors, Aaron reprimanded himself. It didn’t do to gossip…although he found he often couldn’t avoid it, when the topic of conversation was Hamilton. Aaron had known from day one that Hamilton would be a nuisance in his life, in one way or another. It just so happened that his dislike of Alex had morphed into a weird sort of obsession with the man, and he couldn’t help but listen in whenever someone brought him up.
Which was, unfortunately, often. On their small campus, there weren’t many topics of conversation more interesting than the antics of Alexander Hamilton.
“He clearly needs help,” Alex said to John outside the stall. “Hey buddy? I’m gonna come in now, okay?”
Aaron’s head shot up and he had to pause for a moment to steady his vision. “What? No, don’t!”
But suddenly the door was opening – God knows how, hadn’t he locked it? – and Alexander and John crowded around the stall entrance.
“Burr?” said Alex. He and John exchanged a glance, and John shrugged. “You all right?”
“Stomach flu,” said Aaron tersely. “Please go away.”
“You should be in bed,” Alex said, pushing into the stall and kneeling down by Aaron. “Come on, let me help you.”
Aaron shook his head and ignored Alex’s extended hand. “Have to go to class.”
“You can’t,” protested Alex. “Sorry, Burr. Let’s get you back to your room.”
He grabbed Aaron by the arm, helping him stand. John reached out to steady him while Alex picked up Aaron’s bag and slung it over his shoulder. Aaron really didn’t want to miss his classes, and he definitely didn’t want to go anywhere with Hamilton, but his roiling stomach and pounding head silenced any protests.
“That’s good, come on, let’s get out of this gross bathroom,” Alex said. “What’s your schedule? Is it in your bag?”
Leaning Aaron against the wall, Alex dug through the front pocket of Aaron’s book bag and pulled out a sheet of paper. He studied it for a moment before nodding.
“Okay, mostly major classes, that’s good,” he said. “John, can you run to Dr. Washington’s office and let him know that I’ll be late, and that Aaron’s got the flu? Here, take Aaron’s schedule, I’m sure Washington can alert the other professors.”
“Got it,” John said, taking the schedule and eyeing Aaron. “Get better, Burr.”
Once John was gone, Alex turned appraisingly to Aaron. “So, that’s taken care of. Now you can just sleep for a few days, okay?”
Aaron started to open his mouth to argue, but his stomach threatened to rebel again, so he simply nodded and let Alex continue to chatter as they walked back to Aaron’s dorm. Despite the fact that Alex lived off-campus in a house with John, Aaron wasn’t surprised that Alex knew where he lived. Alex’s other best friends, Hercules and Lafayette, lived only one floor below Aaron. Hercules was a junior like Aaron, but he was the Resident Assistant of the sophomore floor. The RA for the junior floor was none other than Charles Lee, who Aaron privately referred to as the Resident Asshole. Unfortunately, as Aaron didn’t have anyone to room with this year, he had been assigned as Lee’s roommate. They’d been living together all summer and still had the entire school year to go, and it was, in no uncertain terms, hell.
Blessedly, Lee wasn’t around when Alex and Aaron stepped off the elevator on Aaron’s floor. Alex gently leaned Aaron against the wall and dug through Aaron’s bag for his keys. He opened Aaron’s door and returned, wrapping his arm again around Aaron’s shoulders and helping him into the room.
Distantly Aaron realized that Alex’s mouth was running a stream of commentary, but Aaron couldn’t be bothered to focus long enough on what he was saying. As soon as Alex deposited him in his bed, Aaron closed his eyes and willed away the nausea that threatened to overtake him again.
Aaron wasn’t sure when Alex left, but he didn’t see him – or anyone – over the next few days. It was quite like Lee to disappear for days or even weeks at a time, despite having responsibilities as the RA. Aaron wasn’t sure, but he thought Lee was crashing with the Resident Director on the top floor with his large, full-sized flat. Thomas Conway was as big of a jerk as Lee, and the two got along swimmingly.
Aaron barely moved from his bed over the next few days, only emerging to scavenge for food and water. The first time he did so, he found, as always, his side of the kitchen devoid of anything except some sparse cans of tuna and beans. He might have been a highly intelligent scholarship student, but at the end of the day he had no friends, no family, and certainly no extra money to spend on things like groceries. The dollar store and nonperishables were his unhealthy saviors.
Sighing, Aaron shuffled to the door of his flat, and in his sickly haze nearly missed a small canvas tote bag next to the door. Inside was a piece of paper ripped from a notebook, placed on top of a pile of soup cans, bread, and over-the-counter flu medication. He picked up the note first.
“Hi Burr! Hope you’re feeling better! I couldn’t find any soup around so I grabbed you some stuff. I pushed your key under the door after I locked it, don’t worry. Anyway, I told Dr. Washington you’d be out for a few days, if you need anything just give me a call! 555-1776. XO – Alex”
Sure enough, there was Aaron’s key on the floor next to the door. Aaron was momentarily stunned. He barely even knew Alex, and certainly hadn’t asked for any of this (had he? He didn’t remember much after he got back to his room…) and he definitely couldn’t pay Alex back.
He resolved to think about it later, when he felt better. Instead he deposited the note on his desk and carried the bag into the kitchen, where he downed some of the flu meds and heated up soup in the microwave. Thus fortified, he returned to his room for another few days of misery, forgetting about Alex entirely.
///////////////////////
It all came rushing back to him, however, by Friday when he felt well enough to attend class again. Lee had finally showed up, and although Aaron still felt a bit shaky, the return of his roommate was all the convincing he needed to leave.
Aaron packed up his book bag and grabbed the last few slices of bread and headed for the door. Lee ignored him entirely, lying down on his bed and cranking up the volume on his laptop, blaring some band or other that Aaron didn’t know.
He locked the door behind him and grimaced, realizing he could hear Lee’s music from the hall. If he was lucky, Lee would be gone again when he got home that evening from classes. If he was unlucky, Lee would still be there, probably eating the last of Aaron’s soup.
Aaron hustled across the small campus, which was large enough to accommodate roughly 5,000 students. He had chosen this school primarily due to the scholarships he received, and the allure of its prestigious law department. Dr. Washington was renowned for his abilities both in the courtroom and the classroom, and Aaron had been eager to learn from him.
Of course, things hadn’t really turned out as perfectly as he’d hoped, and that blame he set squarely on the shoulders of Hamilton. For one wonderful year, Aaron had been the star freshman in Washington’s lectures, choosing to take on more major classes than most first years did and succeeding easily in them. But when Aaron was a sophomore, Hamilton had started at the school, and no matter what Aaron did, Washington stopped looking at him. It was as if the whole world had turned its eyes on Hamilton, and never looked away.
But that didn’t mean Aaron couldn’t still learn, and do well. He planned on being a lawyer someday, and a damn good one. No one would stand in the way of that, least of all some upstart underclassman. Even if that upstart underclassman was apparently really nice and took care of sick classmates when he didn’t have to.
Shaking his head, Aaron made it to his first class of the day with plenty of time, and took a seat right at the front. A few other students trickled in, but he kept to himself. He didn’t have any friends in the school, really. He used to hang out with Thomas Jefferson, another law student who, at the age of 23, should have graduated already but for some reason was still hanging out in the undergrad classes. Aaron wasn’t sure, but he thought Jefferson wasn’t as smart as he pretended to be, and was probably still flunking some of the harder law classes…hence his tendency to slouch in, last-minute, and sit in the far back of every lecture.
Aaron might have continued to at least study with the other man if it hadn’t, once again, been for Hamilton. On Alexander’s first day of class, he wasted no time engaging Jefferson in a long and heated debate on the subject of financial systems, and now the two could hardly speak civilly. Aaron didn’t want to publically pick sides, but secretly he had thought Hamilton made a lot of good points, and Jefferson was just too stubborn to admit he was wrong.
He opened his notebook and looked down at the empty pages. He’d missed almost the whole first week of classes, which didn’t bode well for the rest of the semester. In between his frequent trips to the bathroom, he had emailed all his professors and gotten confirmation that they’d allow him to make up the work, but he already despaired at how much there was to do to catch up.
“Aaron! Hey, Aaron!”
Turning, Aaron saw that Hamilton had just entered the room, looking as harried as always. He rushed to the front and stood next to Aaron’s desk.
“Hey, you’re here! You look, uh, better! How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, thanks,” said Aaron, staring up at the other man. “Um, thanks for your help, and for the food and stuff…”
Alex waved his hand. “Don’t even worry about it. I guess you hadn’t gotten around to shopping for the semester yet, huh?”
“Something like that,” mumbled Aaron. “But anyway. Thanks.”
“No problem, dude!” Alex plopped down in the seat next to Aaron and pulled out his own notebook, which looked like it had been dragged through a muddy field and back. “Listen, do you need help catching up?”
Aaron tried to push down the anxiety he felt at that question. “Um, it’s fine, I’ll figure it out, thanks though – ”
Their conversation was interrupted as Dr. Washington entered the room. He strode to the front and set his bag down, eyes resting on the front row. “Mr. Burr, it’s good to see you back in class.”
“Yessir, glad to be back,” said Aaron, sitting up rigidly straight.
“I do hope you’re feeling better. Now, you’ve missed quite a lot of notes, so how about you pair with someone to get you up to speed? Alex, would you mind?” Washington directed, his tone final.
Alex nodded eagerly. “Of course, sir! Happy to help.”
“That’s really not necessary – ” Aaron started, but Washington held up a hand.
“I’m sure Alex will be a great help, won’t you?” said Washington, and Alex nodded again. “Good. You two can arrange to meet after class. For now, let’s get to it.”
The rest of the class was a blur for Aaron. He was overwhelmed with the amount he had missed, but took as many notes as humanly possible to study later.
When the two hour lecture was finally over, he stared down at the pages, daunted. Washington’s classes were never easy, and this one was clearly no different.
“Sooo, Aaron, when are you free?” Alex asked as he packed up his backpack. “I’ve got two more classes today, back to back, but I’m free after 4. This class meets again Monday, so we can meet over the weekend if you prefer. Or we can meet more than once, if you want. Up to you!”
Aaron sighed. He really didn’t want to spend any extra time with Hamilton, no matter how nice the other man was being. But, Washington had said to…
“Aaron? You feeling okay? Are you gonna puke again?” Alex was staring at him worriedly.
Aaron shook his head. “I’m fine. I’m free at 5 tonight. Where do you want to meet?”
“Awesome! How about the library? I’ll meet you right outside?” Alex asked.
“Yeah, that’s fine. See you then, Hamilton,” Aaron said, heading for the exit before Alexander could say any more.
He missed the long look Alex shot after him.
///////////////////////
The rest of the day passed quickly for Aaron. He had five classes this semester and three of them were on Fridays, and all three were major classes. Luckily Alex was only present in the first, although that meant Aaron had to find two other people to give him the notes he’d missed. At least they weren’t Washington’s classes, and therefore easier workloads.
When he finally finished at 4:50pm, he hurried straight to the library. Hopefully he could get the notes from Alex and get home quickly. He still felt very tired, a deep ache from the days spent unwell in bed. Of course, restful sleep with Lee hanging around was unlikely…
“Hey Aaron!”
Hamilton was already waiting for Aaron when he arrived, looking as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as he had at 10am that morning.
“Hi,” Aaron said. “Shall we?”
They found a study room quite easily, as Friday afternoon of the first week of school wasn’t a prime study time for most students. Aaron idly wondered if he was keeping Alex from doing something fun and most likely obnoxious with his little group of friends.
“So I’ve got the notes from Washington’s class, but I forgot to mention that I’m TA’ing his Tuesday-Thursday class, which you’re also in, I believe?” said Alex as they settled in.
Aaron looked up sharply. A TA position for any of Washington’s classes was a highly coveted position, and almost always went to seniors.
Hamilton was a sophomore.
Yeah yeah, and life isn’t fair. Don’t reveal how you feel. Jealousy isn’t becoming, thought Aaron, quelling his disbelief.
“Yes, I’m in that class too. Thank you for your help,” he said mechanically.
Alex looked at him hesitantly, but at Aaron’s expectant look he moved on.
“So here are the notes from Monday…”
Aaron swallowed down his pride, and studiously listened to the man next to him. When he didn’t think about it too hard, he found he didn’t mind the sound of Alexander’s voice.
///////////////////////
It was 8pm by the time Aaron made it back home. He hadn’t meant to spend so long with Hamilton, but there really were a ton of notes to go over, and Alex’s propensity for long-winded tangents didn’t help. Aaron was exhausted by the end of their study session, but he felt a little better about his situation. He still had a lot to do to catch up, and it was a bit galling to be tutored, so to speak, by a sophomore – and one who had stolen the TA position from him – but Aaron couldn’t deny that Hamilton knew his stuff. They’d agreed to meet after Monday’s classes to make sure Aaron was sufficiently caught up.
Aaron could hear from the hallway that Lee was definitely home when he arrived. He planned to just leave the other man alone and go about his business, but what he found when he opened the door made him stop short.
Everything from Aaron’s side of the room was strewn about the floor. His clothes had been dumped out of his wardrobe, his sheets ripped off his bed, and all the drawers of his desk had been pulled open and rifled through. Aaron swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to Lee, who was sitting at his own desk, casually daring him to speak first.
“Lee,” said Aaron. He knew what was coming; this wasn’t the first time he’d come home to this destruction. “Give it back.”
Lee smirked. “Or what?”
Aaron’s fists clenched. “I’ll tell someone.”
Lee laughed. “You say that every time, and you never have. Stop being a punk bitch and clean up your side of the room. It’s a mess.”
Aaron held his gaze, but his resolve only lasted for a moment. “It’s not even worth anything…”
Lee stood up abruptly and strode over to Aaron, who froze.
“Listen here, asswipe,” Lee growled, looking down at the younger man. “You’re a snot-nosed kid who doesn’t belong here. I can do whatever I want, and you can shut the hell up and deal with it. And if you whine to a single person that boohoo, big bad Charlie keeps taking your inhaler, I’ll kick your ass so hard you’ll never need to breathe again. Got it?”
Aaron stared up at Lee, willing with every fiber of his being to not betray his fear. Silently, he nodded.
“Good,” grunted Lee, backing down and returning to his desk. He opened his laptop and began to type, finally leaving Aaron alone.
Life won’t always suck this much, thought Aaron to himself, as he shakily began to clean up. And if it does, well…life’s short, anyway.
///////////////////////
Life wasn’t always this way for Aaron. Granted, his childhood had been shittier than most, growing up in group homes and foster families where he bounced around with no sense of stability. His parents had died when he was very young, his sister Sally only a few years older, and with no one to look after them they soon were made wards of the state of New York, and consistently split up by their placements. Both highly intelligent children, they managed to keep in touch, mailing coded letters to each other that spoke of neglect and feelings of abandonment and loss and unhappiness that most children outside the system never knew.
Sally was the first to skip a grade. Her teachers in middle school recognized her outspokenness and disobedience as symptoms of boredom and untapped potential, and moved her up a year, directly into high school. She graduated with honors at 16, started university at 17 and blasted through a mechanical engineering major at MIT that often sent other students into mental breakdowns.
She got a good job and an apartment in Boston after graduation, and suddenly Aaron had somewhere to go during his summers off from school. She refused to file for any sort of custody rights, however, and Aaron never pressed the issue. They may have shared blood, but beyond their childhood letters and aptitude for education, they didn’t have much else in common.
Aaron was six years her junior and much more philosophically minded. In a different life, with a different upbringing, he may have pursued a career in philosophy or religion, but his hard-learned life lessons had turned him away from what he viewed as “soft” majors. Besides, law suited him just fine, even if Dr. Washington thought Hamilton was a better student than he.
Which was impossible, obviously. Washington was just playing favorites. Hamilton couldn’t be a better student than Aaron, nor a smarter one. Aaron had outdone his sister by skipping two grades, not just one. He had the good fortune of attending some of the same schools she had growing up, and many of his teachers recognized the Burr intelligence much earlier in him than she. So he was moved up twice, once in grade school and once in middle school, and thus entered university at the shockingly young age of 16, a fact which he had successfully kept hidden from everyone.
Well, almost everyone.
Charles Lee had found out. Aaron wasn’t sure how, but he suspected that as the RD, Conway had access to personal files on students, or at least access to someone who did. Conway must have told Lee, because Lee seemed to know from the first day he met Aaron. And he was not nice about it. Aaron wasn’t sure what he had ever done to set Lee off, but Lee seemed to hate him from the moment they met. He would talk down to Aaron, belittle him for his age, his accomplishments, his lack of friends and family. But Aaron grew up in the system, and he could handle all of that; bullying was nothing new to an orphan. No, the worst thing that Lee did to make Aaron’s life a living hell was steal his inhaler.
Aaron’s asthma had plagued him since he was a child. It usually wasn’t a big deal; the attacks had grown much less frequent as the years went by, but whenever he fell ill or exercised a lot, they would return full force. And Lee, for whatever reason, thought it was hugely entertaining to steal the one thing that could keep Aaron breathing normally.
Aaron didn’t presume to know why Lee did this, other than some cruel sense of superiority over the younger student, but he learned to keep his inhaler on his person at all times, and hidden while he was in his dorm. That didn’t stop Lee from searching his things for it, and after the first few times, he hadn’t found it…until now. Aaron had completely forgotten it at home in the wake of his stomach flu, and now it was God knows where, never to return.
He had thought about turning Lee in to the administration, and had almost done it after the first time. Somehow, Conway must have figured what Aaron would do, because he had stopped the student in the hall.
“Mr. Burr,” he had called, making Aaron pause on his way to the library.
“Yes?”
Conway had slowly stalked toward Aaron, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped in a deceptively casual stance. “I’ve heard about you.”
“You have?” said Aaron cagily. He recognized the RD after a minute, although he had just moved into the dorm.
Conway nodded. “I understand you’re a scholarship student, is that correct?”
“Yeah, it is,” said Aaron. “Can I help you with something?”
“I think you can,” Conway smirked. “I know you’re rooming with your floor’s RA, Charles Lee. I just wanted to impress upon you the importance of obeying the school and dorm rules, as breaking any of them could very easily lead to the loss of your scholarship.”
Aaron’s brow furrowed. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“Good, good,” Conway continued. “That includes any and all rules set down by Charles Lee. Like all the RAs, he has my full support when it comes to managing his hall.”
He stepped closer to Aaron, peering directly down at the man.
“So if you have any issues with Mr. Lee, I strongly suggest you bring them to me, and no one else, lest there be…unfortunate consequences for your academic career. Is that clear, Mr. Burr?”
“Yes,” Aaron said quietly. “I understand.”
That was the first and only interaction Aaron had with Conway. He never needed any further clarification.
///////////////////////
It took two weeks before Aaron completely caught up with all his classes, but eventually he settled into the flow of the semester. He was immediately weighed down with all the coursework, and spent most of his time studying in the library. Lee spent the next few weeks constantly at home, or so it seemed to Aaron, so he tried to only return to the dorm to sleep.
He was also being very careful with his health, avoiding anyone with so much as a sniffle. He would eventually have to carve some money from his meager grocery budget to buy another inhaler, but he was putting that off for as long as possible.
In the meantime, he just focused on his classes. Dr. Washington was unrelenting with his workload, and it seemed to Aaron that all the students in his classes looked constantly stressed, even though the term had barely started.
All except one: Alexander Hamilton.
Who also now seemed to think that Aaron was his friend.
It wasn’t a subtle change. Hamilton didn’t do subtle. Which Aaron learned all too well when Alexander began sitting next to him in class, animatedly chatting about everything under the sun, and asking Aaron questions without ever pausing to hear Aaron answer. He waved at Aaron anytime he ran into him on campus, which Aaron had a sinking suspicion was more and more often. He wasn’t particularly bothered by any of this, as Alexander didn’t seem to expect anything besides a smile in return.
Until the day Alexander dragged him to meet up with the rest of his little squad.
Aaron was doing homework in what had become his corner of the library one Saturday, about a month into the semester. He often spent his weekends in the library or, on nicer afternoons, in one of the quieter outdoor study benches around campus. But more often than not, he stayed holed up at his little table, far from any entrances or main walkways.
Which is why hearing a sudden influx of giggling and chatter immediately caught his attention.
Moments later, Alexander and his equally obnoxious crew appeared. Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens, and Lafayette all followed, each one looking for all the world like they had never stepped into a library before. Aaron sighed, set his pen down, and resigned himself to the inevitable.
“Aaron!” Alexander shouted, then looked around sheepishly. “Oops, my bad, library and all. But hi!”
Aaron just raised an eyebrow, and nodded to the group.
“Sooo what are you up to?” continued Alexander.
“Homework, Hamilton. I’m doing my homework.”
Hamilton nodded as if enlightened, raising his eyebrows at Laurens, who snorted and shook his head.
“Right, yeah, homework, that’s cool,” wheedled Hamilton. “But like, it’s the weekend. And not even Sunday, it’s, you know, Saturday.”
“I’m aware of what day it is,” said Aaron. “Do you have a point?”
“Well…” Hamilton started, but Hercules groaned.
“You ever seen Parks and Rec?” Hercules asked Aaron.
“Uh, yeah,” Aaron said. In actuality it was one of his favorite shows, and he smiled to himself as his mind made an instant connection between Alexander and the obsessively ambitious Leslie Knope.
“Cool, remember the Treat Yourself episode when Donna and Tom were headed to the mall and saw Ben all alone on a bench eating soup?” Hercules continued. “That’s you.”
“I’m Ben…?”
“No, you’re eating soup on a bench alone,” said Hercules, one eyebrow raised.
Aaron stared. “I’m doing homework.”
“No, you’re eating soup. On a bench. Alone,” Hercules gestured around them to the empty library. “And now you’re coming with us.”
“I am?”
“Come on, it’s Saturday! There’s so much to do! There’s plenty of time to write later, let’s go out!” Alexander said excitedly. He began to gather up Aaron’s things, closing books and stacking papers.
“Hold on, wait! What – that’s my book, not a library book – give me my pen!”
“You need a break, mon ami!” Lafayette laughed, pulling Aaron up and out of his chair.
“Alex always talks about you but you’re never around, so let’s go do something, together,” said John with a grin.
And so Aaron suddenly became part of what he referred to (mostly) affectionately, but always internally as the Hamsquad.
///////////////////////
For about a month, Aaron found himself actually looking forward to the Hamsquad’s shenanigans. Alexander always seemed delighted to see him, which was a first for Aaron, and he couldn’t deny the pleasant warm feeling that accompanied seeing Alex’s smile.
He tried not to think about that too hard.
Sometimes he thought the others noticed, too, but no one said anything. He didn’t doubt they’d be quick to drop him as soon as he wasn’t of interest to Alex, but he was content to enjoy the experience for now. And, well, maybe it helped ease the loneliness, just a little bit. Who knew that having friends could actually improve his performance in his classes, simply by providing support and a way to relax? He was starting to realize that the deep pit in his stomach that had constantly plagued him since childhood wasn’t normal, wasn’t something he had to just learn to live with, but rather it was an indication of something missing. He had never known there was something that could fill that void, but now, spending time with people who actually seemed to like him, who sort of maybe wanted him around and enjoyed his company and sought him out, he suddenly started to feel…happy.
It was exhilarating, and utterly terrifying. Because what would happen when they eventually abandoned him?
///////////////////////
Aaron started to find out, almost immediately. He came out of class one Wednesday in early October and checked his phone to see four missed calls from Sally and one voicemail. He held up a finger to Hamilton, who was chatting non-stop as always, and listened to it.
“Hey. You didn’t answer so just wanted to let you know that I got married. He’s great. We’re moving out to California in a few weeks. Our new place is really small, not big enough for guests. I’m sure you understand. So…this is goodbye I guess. Sorry…just thought I should let you know. See you in another life, brother. ”
Well, Aaron couldn’t say he was surprised, but it still hurt more than he expected. He figured his relationship with Sally wasn’t ever going to be like that of real siblings, and he should probably be grateful she even let him know before she left, but…
Still. It sucked.
Aaron looked up to see Alex had stopped talking and was looking at him warily.
“Is everything okay?”
Aaron nodded and dredged up a forced smile. “Yeah, yeah. Yes. It’s nothing. Just my sister. She’s fine.”
“You sure?” Alex asked.
“Yes, definitely. What were you saying?”
And that was all it took for Alex to grin and get started again on some rant or another. Aaron took a deep breath and tried to focus on something besides the deepening pit in his stomach. It was okay. Everything would be okay. It had to be.
///////////////////////
Sally’s departure from his life had a surprisingly big impact on Aaron’s mood. Sure, they’d never been close, but she was still the only family he had, and to drop him just like that…well, it hurt more than he wanted to admit.
So Aaron did what he always did when things hurt, and that was throw himself into his studies. Despite his newfound friendship with Hamilton, Aaron still found himself resenting the attention Alex got from the professors, especially Dr. Washington. It seemed no matter how hard Aaron worked, no matter how many high scores he received on papers and tests, Alex still stole the limelight time and time again. Dr. Washington would constantly pick Alex over Aaron to answer questions, or ask Alex to pass out papers, or give extra credit to Alex for his work. Aaron never got any extra credit. He didn’t really need it, true, but he doubted Alex did either. It was beyond galling.
“Hey Aaron! Ready for the midterm next week?”
Aaron stopped just outside Dr. Washington’s classroom, but didn’t turn around. “Yes, Alex. I’m ready. I’ve done nothing but study for it the last week.”
“I know,” Alex said with a pout as he caught up to Aaron. “I’ve invited you out like, four times and you keep saying no. You’re gonna do fine, you know.”
“Yes I will!” snapped Aaron, turning around.
Alex stared back.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Just, stressed, you know.”
“Right…sorry.”
Aaron nodded tightly and took the opportunity to flee into the classroom, making sure to sit right at the front. He didn’t look again at Hamilton, who spent more of the lesson looking at Aaron than the lecturer.
///////////////////////
October came and went. Aaron briefly caught a cold and cursed his notoriously weak immune system as he sniffled and sneezed through his classes. One particular class, he sneezed six times in a row, causing Dr. Washington to pause his lecture.
“Mr. Burr, are you all right?”
Aaron, burning with embarrassment, missed the concern in Dr. Washington’s voice. He nodded and slid down in his seat and bolted the moment class ended. Alex looked around for him after, to offer some help or at least some tissues, but Aaron was long gone.
///////////////////////
November ticked by and Aaron felt he had slowly but steadily balanced out his deep anxiety about his sister and his future and his classes, but it was definitely at the expense of being friends with Alex and his buddies.
This definitely wasn’t his plan all along. He reasoned with himself that he didn’t sabotage anything, of course not, not on purpose…
Well. Maybe the idea of being close with someone and sharing the difficulties of his life was a bit scary. Just a bit. But he had other, more important things to worry about.
Like…Lee. The bane of Aaron’s existence who had stolen three more inhalers off him this semester alone, and Aaron was at his wit’s end with trying to replace them on the cheap. Between that and his general anxiety about the upcoming holidays, he was barely sleeping, preferring to stay up and study or think about exams, his budget, and definitely not Hamilton and the sad looks he still shot him every time their eyes met. It wasn’t just Hamilton, either. He rarely ran into Lafayette or Hercules, but sometimes he’d see John in passing and get a similar look, albeit a bit harder and disappointed. Aaron usually just hurried on and pretended not to notice. It was easier that way, he told himself. No need to drag anyone else into his messes. They were nice, but he didn’t need them. Or Sally. Or anyone.
But he really did have an issue on his hands about the upcoming term break. He had nowhere to go, and no place to stay as the campus closed entirely for the three weeks of Christmas holidays. Usually he’d stay with Sally, but…clearly that wasn’t an option this time. And he certainly wasn’t one to beg someone to have him.
It was with great trepidation and regret that he waiting in his room for Lee to return home one evening.
“Can I talk to you?” Aaron said, quietly.
Lee stared at him, probably for having the audacity to speak in his presence. “The fuck do you want?”
Aaron cleared his throat and resolved his nerves. “I have nowhere to go over break. I want you to talk to Conway and ask him to let me stay here. On the downlow. I can’t pay him but I’ll clean, or do his homework, or whatever he wants.”
“You have some nerve asking me for a favor and not even offering me anything in return,” Lee crossed his arms. “What’s in it for me? Why should I give a shit what happens to you?”
Aaron sighed, but he had expected as much. “I’ll do your work for you too. Until summer. And then I’ll disappear and you’ll never see me again.”
“Now that is a tempting offer,” grinned Lee. “What I wouldn’t give not to see your little twerp face every time I come back here…fine, I’ll talk to Conway. I’m not promising anything. I expect you to at least do my work the rest of the term in return for me talking to him for you. Be grateful I’m not asking for more.”
And with that Lee turned on his stereo and turned the music up full blast, ending the conversation. Aaron sighed with relief that the conversation hadn’t turned into something worse. And now, he probably had somewhere to stay for break.
///////////////////////
A new problem arose at the end of November, however, and it was one that Aaron had definitely not seen coming. Lee was quite frequently absent from the one class he had with Aaron and Alex, one of Dr. Washington’s. It was required for Lee’s political science major and he usually just pretended Aaron didn’t exist when they both did attend at the same time.
Alex, however, was a different story entirely. He often butted heads with Lee, disagreeing with everything from Lee’s politics to Lee’s attitude towards the other students. Aaron kept his head down during all their disagreements, as Dr. Washington usually put a stop to it the second it started to get out of hand. Which was quite quickly with Alex involved, but he had a stern respect for the professor and always shut up when Dr. Washington intervened.
After Aaron stopped hanging with Alex, however, Alex’s disagreements with Lee got worse. Much worse. Instead of just arguing over topics related to the lecture, Alex slowly took to making spitting comments about Lee’s person, and Lee returned in kind. Aaron wasn’t sure why the shift occurred, although he sometimes did see Alex send him reproachful looks after a bad fight, as if he expected Aaron to do something about.
Well, Hamilton wasn’t his friend, and neither was Lee. Aaron didn’t have any stake in this rivalry. Instead, he kept his head down, as always.
///////////////////////
At the beginning of December, Aaron was starting to get nervous. He’d been doing Lee’s homework for two weeks and hadn’t heard Conway’s response, and break was only a week away. He didn’t have any money to go anywhere else, so if this didn’t work out…
Well. He tried not to think about it.
He also had started feeling sick again. He wasn’t sure if it was another cold or if it was just anxiety manifesting itself physically, but he struggled to pay attention to his studying and he constantly had a headache. But there wasn’t much he could do about it, he reasoned, he had to get through finals and hopefully once everyone was gone he’d be able to get some peace and quiet…if Conway came through for him…
Finally, on Thursday, Lee came home and Aaron was sat there, waiting, stewing in his own anxiety.
“Conway says you can stay. You’ll clean all the common areas and do his work all next term. And you won’t tell a single soul about it, or else. Understood?”
Aaron nodded quickly. “Understood. Thank you.”
Lee just stared at him for a second longer. “Shut up. You’re fucking pathetic.”
Aaron couldn’t even disagree.
///////////////////////
Friday was less nerve-wracking for Aaron, now that he knew he had a plan for the break. But he was starting to feel even more sick, which he didn’t think he could attribute to stress. He usually didn’t pay much attention to the goings-on of the dorm, but he vaguely recalled several people on his floor coming down with pneumonia in the last few weeks. He wasn’t even sure if pneumonia was contagious, but with his luck, he’d get it anyway.
He only had one more exam to get through before he could finally relax. Unfortunately, it was for the class he shared with Lee and Alex. The two had fought viciously earlier in the week, and it had nearly come to blows. Aaron had just sat there silently and stared, wishing with all his soul he was somewhere else as Alex turned to him and demanded he step in, pleading with his eyes for Aaron to stand by his side.
But Aaron hadn’t, he had just sat there like a coward and waited for Dr. Washington to pull the two apart. As always.
He sighed. Nothing to be done now, just get through the last final and then rest. Hopefully Lee would be gone soon for the break and Aaron would have basically the entire campus to himself.
Aaron grabbed his phone, pencils, and key and left, stopping briefly in the bathroom to blow his nose, which seemed to be perpetually runny these days. He popped a few painkillers on his way out the door, knowing they would never be enough but they’d get him through the test.
As he left the dorm, he saw Lee and Conway walking a short distance ahead of him. He stayed carefully back so they wouldn’t notice him, but as he and Lee were headed towards the same final, he couldn’t exactly alter course.
He kept his head down until he heard Conway laugh. It was dark and full of malice, the way he always imagined Cinderella’s wicked stepmother laughed. Against his better judgement, he sped up a tiny bit, just enough to get within hearing distance of the two.
“Seriously? You’re gonna finally do it?”
“Hell yeah man,” said Lee. “Fucker has it coming.”
“Can’t argue with that,” laughed Conway. “When?”
“After this last final,” Lee said with a smirk. “Hamilton won’t see it coming. I’ll grab some of the others in the class who don’t like him and we’ll show him how to shut up, once and for all.”
Aaron breathed in sharply. Lee was planning to jump Alex after the final. With help! And Conway, an RD, wasn’t even going to do anything about it!
Before Aaron could think his actions through, he ran forward to catch up with the two. He barged past Conway and planted himself firmly in front of Lee, who was a good four or five inches taller than him and a great deal heavier, but Aaron didn’t think about that.
“Don’t you dare touch Alex,” Aaron said fiercely.
Lee looked shocked. “And what the fuck do you think you’re gonna do about it, freak?”
Aaron didn’t dignify that with a verbal response. Instead, he did something he had never done before in his life.
He cocked his fist back and smashed it into Lee’s nose, hard as he could.
It wasn’t the best in terms of form, but for a first time, Aaron thought it must have been pretty good. Lee looked momentarily shocked, and then he was on the ground, with honest-to-god tears spilling out of his eyes.
Conway stood stock still for a few seconds, looking between Aaron and Lee. Aaron wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he knew it couldn’t be good. Aaron’s instincts kicked in and he took off running, paying no attention to where he was going. All thoughts of the final exam were gone from his mind, and he simply ran.