Archive of Our Own

The sound of the door slamming that echoes throughout Yoongi’s apartment is as loud as how he and Jimin were shouting at each other earlier. The words still hanging in the air as if they are tangible and close enough to touch. Yoongi doesn’t want them to touch him; they are heartbreaking, piercing through his whole being. They would surely regret those words later, but they are already out there now.

“Hey, hyung. You ok?” Namjoon emerges from his room, his roommate’s facial expression unreadable. He’s already so used to Jimin throwing a tantrum only to end up cuddling with Yoongi or one of them walking out. The latter usually happens more often than not. “What did you two fight about this time?”

Yoongi slumps on their couch, his hands running through his hair, gripping it tightly and hoping for the pain to redirect into something more physical. It never really goes away though, no matter how much he tries to ignore it.

Loving someone hurts.

“Just the usual,” Yoongi replies without looking at Namjoon. “He’s just angry because I had pictures of my coworkers on my phone. You know they love messing around.”

“What’s there to be angry about?” Namjoon asks, stopping in front of Yoongi. He’s dressed to go out.

Yoongi shrugs. “He said they were too friendly.” He feels frustrated. He should have just deleted those pictures before his date with Jimin. Jimin hates it when Yoongi gets friendly with other people. It was cute when they first got together a couple of years ago, but it gives him a headache now. Lately, all they do when they are together is fight. Yoongi hates fighting with Jimin. He’d rather kiss him. He misses kissing him.

“Do you want to talk about it, or do you want me to leave you alone?” Namjoon watches him, his face painted with empathy despite always being pushed away whenever Yoongi and Jimin fight. Namjoon accepts and understands it all. He even offers a listening ear when he can just leave Yoongi alone.  

Yoongi is not in the condition right now, though. He is too tired from working overtime because he had to finish a design for their team’s project. Their projects are unending, so the least they can do is entertain each other by messing around. Being an architect is tough even though they love the job.

Yoongi takes a deep breath, offering Namjoon a tired smile. “I’m fine, Joon-ah. Besides, you have a gig tonight, right? I don’t want to drag your mood.” Namjoon is taking up his doctorate degree in Psychology, but he usually raps at bars for some extra income.

“Ok, then. Do you want to go with me? I can bring you in without an admission fee.” Namjoon asks as he is about to leave, checking his pocket for anything that he probably forgot.

Does he want to go out? Yoongi isn’t sure. His heart is too heavy with the weight of whatever is happening with him and Jimin. It’s dragging him, to be honest. He’s not even sure how it started.

Yoongi sighs. “I’m not sure. I’ll just be a downer. Besides, Jimin will just get angrier if I go out.”

Namjoon didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he stared at Yoongi until the older finally looked at him with confusion on his face. There is a knowing look on Namjoon’s face that he tries not to show, but being friends for eight years, Yoongi already knows the younger’s many expressions. Namjoon is contemplating if he should say something or not.

Yoongi always makes him talk. “Just spill it, Joon-ah,” Yoongi says as he closes his eyes.

“I’m just thinking…” Namjoon’s voice drifts softly. “I know you love Jimin, but you changed, hyung. I’m not sure if it’s a good change or a bad one.”

Yoongi opens his eyes and finds Namjoon looking at him with a faraway expression, lost in his own thoughts of how they were before. It kicks Yoongi’s heart because he and Namjoon are best friends.

“Joon…” Yoongi doesn’t know what to say.

“It’s ok, hyung! I know how much Jimin makes you happy,” Namjoon offers an apologetic smile. “I just wish you are happy often because lately, you’ve been fighting a lot.”

Yoongi sighs deeply. “I’m so sorry, Joon-ah. We’re just going through some stuff. You know Jimin is adjusting to his new job.”

“Yeah… sorry, hyung,” Namjoon offers a small smile, sighing immediately after realizing that he’s getting comfortable chatting when he should be going. “I’m gonna go now. Message me if you need anything, ok?”

Yoongi swallows all the words he wants to say. They are a lot, and they are mostly apologies. But he knows if he starts talking now, Namjoon will stay and listen. He’s that kind of friend. “Have fun, Joon-ah,” Yoongi says softly.

Namjoon pats him on the shoulders quickly before heading out the door. “See you later, hyung,” he says, and then he is out of the house.

Namjoon’s words lingering the air, surrounding Yoongi the same way Jimin’s do. The only difference is that Jimin’s are filled with fear of losing him; while Namjoon’s are full of acceptance that his best friend is too into a relationship that he already lost a part of him. It breaks him seeing that he failed Namjoon as a best friend, and Jimin as a boyfriend. 

It wasn’t like this before. Namjoon and Yoongi always had each other’s back because they grew up together. Then Yoongi met Jimin a couple of years ago. Yoongi was just so in love. It was probably the first time Yoongi fell so hard for someone. How could he not? Jimin was a lovely person; he was full of sunshine, and his voice sounded like a lullaby. Yoongi did everything to make Jimin go on a date with him. He wrote Jimin love notes, surprised him with his favorite food, took him to all the pretty places. Yoongi gave everything he could to Jimin until the younger finally made them official. That day two years ago is probably one of the happiest days he spent with Jimin. He’s still happy with Jimin, though. He really is. He just wishes that Jimin wouldn’t be so… so possessive and angry.

Yoongi isn’t really sure when it happened. Everything was perfect and pretty at first… until it became suffocating. Jimin wants to keep them the way he thinks they should be: a perfect couple. That should be good, but it caged them in the small paradise that they built together. Yoongi loves the paradise; loves Jimin so much that he can give his all, but Yoongi didn’t expect that their paradise will force him to keep everyone else at a distance—even his closest friends.

Yoongi watches a spotlight follow Namjoon as he raps alongside with another performer that Yoongi doesn’t recognize. They are good together, though. Really good. Namjoon has always been amazing when it comes to his raps and wordplays, but the other rapper can match Namjoon’s flows and change his with ease. The whole performance is just amazing; it makes Yoongi glad that he sneaked out for a drink.

It’s been a while since Yoongi went out, and it’s been longer since he last watched Namjoon perform. He used to be present in all of Namjoon’s gigs; he even brought Jimin with him when they started dating until someone tried to hit on him. It made Jimin really mad, so they just stopped going after that. Watching Namjoon now and realizing how much he improved makes Yoongi’s heart twinge a little bit. He never saw his best friend grow.

“Please don’t cry while watching my hyung rap,” Yoongi hears a deep voice from the side, stealing his attention from the stage. He finds someone watching him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I promise you he’s a good rapper.”

Yoongi can’t help but stop and just stare. In the glow of the low light, he can see wide, twinkling eyes that are filled with playful adoration. He’s extremely attractive, seemingly sculpted by those sculptors he studied in university. The other person can be compared to art, and it surprises him that they are looking at him, staring with interest as they sip from a large glass of… strawberry milk…?

It can’t be, right?

“Is that strawberry milk?” Yoongi blurts out before he can even stop himself.

The other person pauses for a while before letting out a peal of laughter. “Why? Not used to seeing a non-alcoholic drink in a bar?”

Yoongi shrugs and looks back at Namjoon who is jumping around and feeling the song. It’s Yoongi’s first reaction to ignore anyone he doesn’t know. It’s how he conditioned himself to respond after the fiasco of Jimin getting angry because Yoongi was being hit on by others. 

“Seriously, though. Are you ok?” The man asks. Why is he even concerned? They don’t know each other, that’s for sure. Yoongi is certain that he’ll remember if he ever saw this man before—he’s too attractive to be forgotten.

The stranger just keeps talking. “I haven’t seen you around here, and that’s your second glass already. It’s not even an hour yet since you arrived. Is that a fight? Or a breakup?”

The comment finally makes Yoongi look at him. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be rude, but do I know you?” Yoongi scowls at the man.

“Did I hit a nerve? Sorry,” the man offers a half-smile, turning to face Yoongi fully as if he finally got an invitation to have a conversation. “I was just teasing you earlier because you looked like you’re about to cry.”

Yoongi frowns at him, feeling naked from the stranger’s observation. “It’s rude to stare.”

“I wouldn’t, but have you seen how cute you are?” The man shrugs as if he didn’t just throw a compliment to Yoongi.

Yoongi’s face starts to go warm and red. Can he do that? Who does that? Is he hitting on him? Jimin’s gonna be so mad again. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Congratulations on having a boyfriend, mister,” the man rolls his eyes, seemingly bored by the information. “I’m not hitting on you. I’m complimenting you. There’s a difference.. I always compliment my hyungs, but it doesn’t mean I hit on them.”

“My boyfriend wouldn’t see it like that,” Yoongi looks down on his glass of whiskey, his mind drifting to Jimin crying and shouting all the reasons why Yoongi can’t let his coworkers use his phone. It seems so small, but Yoongi knows it’s going to bother Jimin a whole lot, just like everything lately. “Besides, those are your hyungs. You can compliment them anytime. You’re related to them.”

The stranger perks up. “Oh, I’m not related to them. Just best friends, but I live with them.”

Yoongi glances at the stranger and notices that he’s watching Yoongi, waiting for him to look. Feeling caught, Yoongi clears his throat before looking at the stage again where Namjoon is.

“Why are you telling me this? You don’t know me. I don’t know them.” Yoongi mutters, not sure if the man hears him because the crowd erupts with cheers when the other performer starts dancing while rapping.

“Ah, that’s Hoseokie-hyung!” The man points at the stage, bursting from excitement. “He’s performing with RM-hyung.”

“I know Namjoon. He’s my best friend.” Yoongi tries to sound uninterested even though his attention is on the stranger now. He didn’t expect that the man knows the other performer.

“Oh, you’re Yoongi-hyung! Namjoonie-hyung talks a lot about you,” the man giggles, obviously pleased. “I’m Taehyung. We know about you. You’re his roommate, right?”

Taehyung catches him in surprise. Namjoon is friends with them? He never mentioned it before. Why didn’t he? “Right. You’re Tae-hyung? You’re older than me? You don’t look older than me. Namjoon-ah never mentioned you or your friends.”

“No? You’re definitely older.”

“How do you know?”

“I told you. Namjoonie-hyung talks about you a lot. He misses you.”

Yoongi stops for a heartbeat. “What did you say?”

Taehyung tilts his head on the side, staring at Yoongi intently. Yoongi isn’t sure what’s going on through Taehyung’s mind, but there’s a hint of accusation on it. Or maybe it’s just him and his guilt. “He misses you.” Taehyung repeats.

Yoongi stares back at Taehyung, his heart getting heavy with the realization that he failed to be Namjoon’s friend more than he thought he did. He doesn’t even know that Namjoon made friends because Yoongi never bothered to ask. Namjoon always listens even if all Yoongi does is talk about him and Jimin. Namjoon is his best friend, but he’s not Namjoon’s. He took that away when he caged himself in his paradise with Jimin. 

“I…” Yoongi is unfocused, his eyes looking at Namjoon and then back to Taehyung who claims to know him through Namjoon’s eyes. His breathing is picking up and shallow, matching the fast pace of his heartbeat. He’s breathing, but it feels like he’s drowning. “I… I fucked up.”

“Yoongi-hyung?” Taehyung calls him, but he sounds distanced—as if Yoongi is inside a tunnel and Taehyung is looking for him. “Are you ok? Wait. Are you having an anxiety attack?”

Is he? Yoongi never had one before. “I don’t— I don’t know.”

Is he drowning?

Dark spots start to cloud his vision, covering some parts of Taehyung’s face in inky blackness. Yoongi tries to hold on to anything—an attempt to ground himself. 

What the hell is happening?

“Ok, ok,” Taehyung scrambles from where he sits, moving closer to Yoongi while trying to fan him using his hands. Yoongi isn’t sure if it’s helping. His chest just keeps tightening by the second, trying to stop his heart but only making it beat harder, desperate. He’s not even sure if he’s blacking out or the lights are just down. “Breathe, hyung. Stay with me. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe with me. Let’s count, ok?”

Yoongi finds Taehyung’s eyes wide and full of concern. He seems to be leaning closer to him; Yoongi can see that he has a mole on his nose. He’s not entirely sure. Everything is too hazy, his heart painfully trying to escape from his chest. Is he breathing? He actually forgets how to breathe.

“One—” Taehyung takes a deep breath, his hands holding Yoongi’s face, but Yoongi can’t feel him. He can only feel his lungs trying to get out of his body, craving for air—

Help.

“Hyung? Stay with me. Breathe, hyung. Two—” Taehyung takes another deep breath, taking Yoongi’s hands and placing it on his chest. “Can you feel that? Follow me breathe, hyung.”

Yoongi hears him or so he thinks. Taehyung seems far away. Yoongi is falling apart, spiralling. Everything is spinning. He’s breaking. He’s dying.

“Hyung!” Slight taps on Yoongi’s cheeks tells him to remind his lungs to work. Taehyung is so close, Yoongi must still be alive. “Breathe in—” he takes in air shakily, listening to Taehyung’s distant voice, dark spots still clouding his vision.

“Breathe out.” Yoongi can feel Taehyung’s chest move as he breathes, coaxing Yoongi to do the same.

“Three.” Taehyung resumes counting.

Yoongi forces air into his lungs.

“Four.”

Breathe out.

“Five,” Taehyung still holds his hands on his chest, making sure Yoongi can feel Taehyung’s own breathing. “Count with me, hyung.”

“Six.” Yoongi is breathless, but he’s breathing. He’s starting to see clearly.

“Good, good. Seven.” Taehyung breaths deeply while holding on to Yoongi’s shoulder. He’s making Yoongi breathe. He’s making Yoongi feel better.

Yoongi breathes out air steadier this time, getting a grasp on what is happening. “Eight.”

“Nine,” Yoongi’s not spinning anymore, but he’s still shaking.

“Ten.”

“Breathe in and out, hyung.” Taehyung reminds him.

Yoongi nods and continues. It takes a while for his heart and lungs to finally remember that they can function on their own. Or maybe it’s just a minute. Yoongi isn’t entirely sure, suddenly feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“How are you holding up?” Taehyung asks as he sees Yoongi breathing much more evenly. “I’m sorry, I think I surprised you.”

“I’m… I’m not sure,” Yoongi answers. The small action instantly demanding more air to his lungs. “I fucked up. I fucked up bad. What should I do?”

Taehyung starts patting his head gently, his voice soft. “Shh. You didn’t. You’re ok. It’s ok. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know. I just— I don’t know.” Breathe, Yoongi.

“Do you want to move somewhere less crowded?”

“Yes,” Yoongi desperately answers, the earlier feeling attempting to come back. “Please.”

Taehyung nods at him before pulling him up gently, his hand at the small of Yoongi’s back. Taehyung guides him while blocking the crowd that overwhelms Yoongi. Yoongi just let him, his mind all over the place, but most especially on all the questions he has for himself.

“Here,” Taehyung helps him take a seat at the corner where there are lesser people. “No one will bother you here.”

“Ok.”

“Are you ok?”

“I… don’t know.”

“What happened?” Yoongi looks up and focuses on Taehyung’s face. “It’s ok, Yoongi-hyung. We’re here to work it out.”

Work it out? Can he work it out? “It’s falling apart.”

“What’s falling apart?” Taehyung asks softly.

“Me. Us. I don’t know. I had a fight with my boyfriend earlier. We always fight nowadays. Namjoon misses me. I left him alone. I didn’t even realize he has new friends. I’m such a bad friend. I don’t even have friends anymore except him.” It’s bad. It’s so bad, and it’s pulling Yoongi’s heart to the deep waters, drowning him at once. Just like the truth that slowly builds up and just hitting him now. It’s bad, bad, bad.

Breathe, Yoongi.

“It’s ok. You’re ok.” Taehyung taps Yoongi’s chin to make Yoongi look at him. “What happened? Why did you and your boyfriend fight?”

Yoongi can only see Taehyung’s face. It’s grounding him, reminding him to breathe. “We always fight.”

“Because?”

“My friends. My work. The pictures on my phone,” Yoongi lets out a humorless laugh. “He gets jealous easily.”

“A bit of jealousy in a relationship is not always that bad, right?”

Yoongi shakes his head, sitting up properly. “No, he’s… he’s too… strict. He doesn’t like it when I hang out with others or when I don’t pay a lot of attention to him. He’s… he… he suffocates me.”

Hearing his words makes it feel more real. Yoongi doesn’t want to admit that Jimin does indeed suffocates him. He loves Jimin. He’ll do anything for him, but… Jimin is so draining.

Yoongi continues talking. Now that he has it out in the open, he feels like he can finally pour out everything. “It was fine at first. We were this perfect couple, you know? I just… I don’t know what happened. I’m happy with him, but it hurts now.”

“It hurts because?” Taehyung asks him. “I’m not gonna judge, hyung. I’m here to listen.”

For some reason, Yoongi feels assured.

“I’m losing everyone. I love him, but… I’m so lonely.” Yoongi really is. He realizes that now. “It’s just him and me, you know? That’s fine, but we have friends too. I have friends. I’ve been best friends with Namjoon for eight years already, but I left him alone. I’m such a lousy friend.”

Taehyung shakes his head in disagreement. “You’re not a lousy friend. You’re trying to be a good boyfriend. Namjoonie-hyung understands that.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know if I’m a good boyfriend, or if Namjoon understands.” Yoongi replies. How can Taehyung assume all of those?

“Of course, I know. Namjoonie-hyung adores you. You’re his favorite hyung,” Taehyung giggles, making Yoongi look at him in curiosity. “Seokjinnie-hyung said he’s going to challenge you for that.”

“Seokjinnie-hyung?” Yoongi repeats.

Taehyung nods enthusiastically, glad that Yoongi is listening to him. “He knows you already from Namjoonie-hyung’s stories. And I know that you’re trying to be a good boyfriend because you’re trying to make your boyfriend happy. You’re sacrificing, and that takes a lot. You should give credit to yourself, you know?”

Yoongi pauses and stares at Taehyung. He smiles at Yoongi with a hint of understanding and pride that Yoongi doesn’t understand, but somehow, he feels a bit lighter. “You think so?”

Taehyung nods while leaning forward on their table. Yoongi remembers the strawberry milk, but Taehyung doesn’t have it anymore.

They are quiet after that. Strange enough, it’s not awkward with Taehyung, but Yoongi feels indebted. Taehyung calmed him and listened to him; he had been so nice.

“Thank you,” Yoongi whispers softly. “I wasn’t very nice earlier, but you still helped.”

Taehyung offers a boxy smile, making Yoongi think of sunshine because it’s warm and bright. “Anyone would have done that.”

“Not anyone,” Yoongi shakes his head, thinking of himself. “I’m not sure I would if the situation is reversed.”

“Well, you did mention that your boyfriend is a bit… you know.” Taehyung shrugs.

Yoongi lets out a chuckle, relief washing him because somehow, Taehyung makes it seem funny instead of bad. “I guess so. Still, thanks.”

“Of course. You’re Namjoonie-hyung’s friend. You’re now my friend too.”

Friend. That sounds so nice. Yoongi likes it. “Yeah, we’re friends.”

With a grin, Taehyung pulls him up and leads him to the bar to grab some strawberry milk. “On the rocks,” Taehyung says, offering it to him. It’s probably the best drink Yoongi had for a while.

It’s been a couple of days since Yoongi met Taehyung and his friends, Seokjin and Hoseok. He saw how at home Namjoon is with them. Of all the things Yoongi realized that night, he’s just glad someone is there for Namjoon.

They talked as well,, Yoongi saying sorry over and over again that he probably made Namjoon tear up a bit. Namjoon will never admit it though, but they’re all good now. Namjoon understands. He always does.

“Yoongi-hyung! I’m here.” Jimin jumps into him and hugs him tight before Yoongi can even look up to see him. The brightness makes him smile. Jimin is in a good mood, and that’s what matters.

“Hi, baby,” Yoongi hugs Jimin back, taking him in and his familiar smell before planting a kiss on his temple. “You doing ok?”

Jimin nods. “Yeah. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Yoongi squeezes him tightly before letting go, his hands automatically finding Jimin’s to hold. “Where do you want to eat?”

“Oh! There’s this café that I want to try!” Jimin replies, pulling Yoongi closer as they walk.

It’s this kind of moment that Yoongi loves. Jimin is just happy, glowing, and full of affection towards Yoongi. If he can just freeze this exact instant, he will.

The café is painted with pastel colors that give it a refreshing appeal to the eyes. Its design reminds Yoongi of a small fairytale cottage. He understands why the place caught Jimin’s interest–it is charming and Jimin loves cute things.

“I’ll place an order, hyung. Just wait for me at the tables.” Jimin tells him.

“Ok, baby,” Yoongi lets go of his hand before moving to the tables, choosing the one that’s far from the crowd, but not too close to the corner. Enclosed spaces remind him of his attack. It never happened again, but it still makes him be on edge.

Yoongi never mentioned it to anyone. He’s not sure if Taehyung did since that night was the last time Yoongi saw him. The following days, Yoongi made himself busy with his projects and making it up to Jimin, promising that he’ll be less friendly and just be more civil with others. He also promised him a date, and that is why they are here now. Yoongi is used to this. It’s always how he makes up with Jimin.

As if on cue, Jimin arrives with their order. “I ordered cakes and sandwiches, they’ll serve it in a bit.” Jimin smiles, taking their drinks and placing it on their table before returning to the cashier to hand the tray back.

Yoongi finds himself staring at a slice of strawberry garnish on the brim of their drinks, the memory of the night he met Taehyung resurfacing on his head. Should he ask Namjoon about Taehyung later? Yoongi doesn’t feel right just ignoring him and the supposed friendship they have. Taehyung did help him and was so nice to him. Can anyone really blame Yoongi if he’s curious? He made sure to cheer Yoongi up by cracking a lot of jokes and doing the most entertaining things he could think of. He made Yoongi’s night better.

“The cashier said that strawberry milk is their best seller,” Jimin informs him as he settles on his own chair beside Yoongi’s, noticing how Yoongi stares  at their drinks. “I thought we should give it a try.”

Yoongi clears his throat and smiles at Jimin. Now is not the time to think about Taehyung. “It’s fine. How’s work?”

Jimin groans before clinging to him and placing his chin on Yoongi’s shoulder. “Stressful. I keep re-doing my coworker’s task because she can’t tally them.” Jimin is an accountant. He used to dance, but a few months after they became official, Jimin decided to use his major in university and started working in a bank. He didn’t dance again after that.

“Is my baby tired?” Yoongi grabs Jimin’s hand and kisses his palm. “That must have been tough.”

Jimin shakes his head, the smile on his lips only getting wider as Yoongi showers him with love. “I’m fine now since you’re here with me.”

Yoongi faces Jimin and places a kiss on his cheek. Yoongi loves kissing him on the cheeks. They’re so soft. “Good, because I don’t like it when you’re sad.”

Jimin cuddles him closer. It’s this kind of moment that makes everything worthwhile. Even if they argue a lot, Yoongi still tries to do his best to make Jimin happy. Happy Jimin is the most beautiful Jimin for Yoongi, and he wants that even if it means he’ll have to sacrifice other things.

“Yoongi-ah?” A familiar voice chimes in, making Yoongi and Jimin lookup.

Seokjin. He’s watching Yoongi with curiosity on his eyes while he holds a tray of food.

“It is you!” the cheerfulness from Seokjin’s voice reminds Yoongi of the night that they met, making him smile. Seokjin seems to be more cheerful today. “I wasn’t sure at first, so I offered to bring your orders.”

Yoongi is about to reply when Jimin’s hold on his hand tightens slightly. Oh. Yoongi better makes this quick. He never mentioned to Jimin that he met new people. He didn’t even mention that he went out that night because Yoongi knows it will just spark a whole new argument between them.

“Hi, hyung,” Yoongi greets him politely, conscious with how intense Jimin’s eyes are on Seokjin. “I didn’t know you work here.”

“Kid, I own this café,” Seokjin chuckles, his eyes meeting Jimin’s. “Is this your pretty boyfriend? You two look so cute together.”

“Yeah, I am,” it’s Jimin who replied. “I’m Jimin.”

“Seokjin. You can call me hyung though unless you’re older than Yoongi?”

Yoongi forces a smile, knowing well the aftermath. “Jimin’s younger. He’s 24.”

“Yoongi-ah?” Seokjin stares at him intently, making Yoongi nervous. “Never drop the age to anyone. It’s supposed to be a secret.” Seokjin says before slowly releasing a peal of laughter that’s all too familiar to Yoongi.

Yoongi groans, masking his feelings with a feigned chagrin. “Hyung!”

“He’s right though,” Jimin joins in, smiling politely at Seokjin.

“See?” Seokjin adds.

Jimin giggles, clinging close to Yoongi in a way that seems sweet, but Yoongi knows he’s trying to put boundaries between them and Seokjin. “You’re so funny, Seokjin-hyung. How did you two meet? Yoongi-hyung never mentioned you before.”

Yoongi’s heart probably skipped a beat after hearing Jimin ask that question. He knows Jimin is unto something now.

“Ah, we met at a bar. Technically, he met us through Tae, but we’re friends with Joonie,” Seokjin recounts the night with a frown. Yoongi shakes his head slightly to make Seokjin stop from being too detailed. He’s not sure if Seokjin saw it, but the older just smiled after. “So, yeah. Joonie.”

“Oh, Namjoon-hyung?” Jimin’s tone is very polite, but Yoongi doesn’t like it.

Seokjin nodded, looking a little serious now, and it’s probably because of how intense Yoongi is staring at him. Yoongi just doesn’t want trouble. “Yeah. You know how Joonie is. He talks highly of his best friend that I thought he’s so tall. I didn’t expect Yoongi will look like a kid.”

“Hyung!” Yoongi groans, but honestly, it’s closer to a sigh of relief. He’s just glad Seokjin is bullshitting his way out now. Yoongi knows Seokjin barely has any idea about his issues with Jimin because Namjoon never really told them. Still, he’s glad Seokjin can take the hint.

Seokjin continues laughing as he places their orders on the table. “I’m just teasing, but I’m going to leave you two lovebirds alone. Hoseokie is arriving anytime now. We’re going on a date.”

“Aw, you have a date with your boyfriend?” Jimin quickly asks, untangling himself from Yoongi. “That’s too bad. You could have joined us.”

“No, it’s ok. I need to baby my baby,” Seokjin chuckles. “Enjoy the food! I added a slice of apple pie there since it’s one of my masterpieces.”

“Thanks, hyung. Say hello to Hoseok-ah for me,” Yoongi tells Seokjin.

“Sure. See you two later!” Seokjin smiles before waving goodbye and walking away. Yoongi watched the older’s back until it disappears from what Yoongi assumes as the kitchen.

Jimin and Yoongi are quiet after that, the air surrounding them is hesitant. There’s always a calm before the storm and Yoongi doesn’t want to tempt the storm.

Reaching out for his beverage to drink, Jimin’s face is unreadable as it can be. “Who’s Tae?”

Yoongi should have just frozen the moment earlier.

“Just Joon-ah’s friend,” Yoongi answers simply, still hoping that they wouldn’t delve into the matter at hand and just focus on their date.

But of course, it never really goes that way.

“You never told me about them,” Jimin calls him out.

How could he? When Yoongi knows they’ll just end up arguing again. Or should he have mentioned it, gone clean and admitted that he went out that night to watch Namjoon but ended up meeting new friends? Yoongi isn’t sure which is the right choice. All he knows is that he wants to take care of his relationship with Jimin, but he also wants to protect his newfound friendship.

“I didn’t realize I should,” Yoongi replies, grabbing his own drink and taking a sip. The familiar taste of the strawberry reminds him of Taehyung. Where could he be at this moment? Yoongi is curious since Seokjin and Hoseok are going to meet. Taehyung did mention that he lives with them.

“You’re keeping secrets now?” Jimin’s voice accuses him, but Yoongi just feels bad because this date is now going to be ruined.

Yoongi takes a deep breath and glances at his boyfriend. He’s about to cry again. Tears are starting to pool on his eyes, but they contain the familiar anger that Yoongi is so accustomed to. “I’m not keeping a secret, baby. I just thought it doesn’t matter because I just met them a couple of nights ago.”

“A couple of nights ago?” Jimin’s voice went higher than usual. Shit. Yoongi shouldn’t have said that. “You met them a couple of nights ago? You never told me you went out this week. You were supposed to be working, hyung!”

“Baby!” Yoongi envelops Jimin into an embrace. He’s not fond of making a scene in public. “I was working. I just dropped by to check on Namjoon. He had a gig.”

“You know how I feel about his gigs and bars.”

Yoongi is hopeless now, each second passing is ruining their afternoon. It breaks his heart seeing them fight again because of one stupid choice.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Yoong grabs Jimin’s hand, but the younger pulls it back. “Please, just understand. Namjoon is my best friend. I wanted to support him that night.”

“That’s not the issue here, hyung. You hid it from me. You shouldn’t have. I can’t lose you to them.” Jimin grimaces at him bitterly.

“I hid it because I don’t want you upset, baby. Nothing happened. I just went to watch Namjoon, met some of his friends, and went home. That’s it. You’re not gonna lose me.”

Jimin forces him away before standing up, tears running profusely on his cheeks. This is not supposed to happen, they are supposed to have a good date and be happy. Why is that so hard with him and Jimin? It seems so easy with others.

“Jimin, please…” Yoongi pleads. He knows it’s hopeless, but he has to. He can’t let go even though he knows that Jimin will walk away as always. “I don’t want to fight.”

Jimin wipes his tears away harshly. “Then you shouldn’t have lied.” And then he’s gone.

“Yoongi-hyung?” Yoongi looks up to the familiar voice of Taehyung and finds him holding a carton of strawberry milk on one hand and a plastic bag that contains more boxes of strawberry milk and snacks on the other. The younger’s smile is wide while he looks at Yoongi.

They stand outside the convenience store where Yoongi decided to drop by to get cans of beer because Jimin still won’t talk to him. It’s been a day since they fought. He tried picking Jimin up so he can drop him off at his work, but his boyfriend ignored him. Yoongi decided again to wait for him after work, but Jimin was already gone by the time Yoongi arrived. His attempt to send him flowers and food were also ignored.  

“Taehyung?” Yoongi is in a daze, eyes on the cartons of the strawberry milk. So, Taehyung really likes that drink a lot.

“You’re planning on getting drunk tonight?” Taehyung chuckles as his eyes stare at the cans of beer that Yoongi holds. “That’s pretty brave of you when it’s a weekday tomorrow.”

Yoongi lets out a soft laugh that quickly dies down, making him look down in pity. Taehyung found him again in his shitty moment after having an argument with Jimin. “I just… want to have a release.”

Taehyung walks closer to him, nodding slowly as he drinks from his carton of strawberry milk. “I can lend an ear.”

“Are you sure you want to be bothered by my silly love life?” Yoongi smiles humorlessly.

“I have all the time and already got the food,” Taehyung winks at him before pulling him to sit on the chair outside the store. Yoongi lets him take the beers from his hand and place i them on the table. Taehyung opens  one and hands it to Yoongi. He would have laughed at the younger if he isn’t just feeling so blue.

They sit there for a while, Yoongi holding the can of beer in his hand while Taehyung sips his strawberry milk. It reminds Yoongi of that night where Taehyung got him his own strawberry milk ‘on the rocks’ instead of an alcoholic drink. They were also quiet back then, but it’s just as peaceful as now.

“Aren’t you going to ask what happened?” Yoongi breaks the silence after a while.

Taehyung shrugs and leans on the table, placing his arms on top of it to hold his chin. “No, I was actually waiting for you to offer to buy me snacks.”

“Really?”

Chuckling softly before finishing his drink, Taehyung shakes his head. He seems to be enjoying teasing Yoongi with how he is smiling. “I’m kidding. I was just waiting for you to speak.”

Oh. Yoongi didn’t expect that, especially since Taehyung asked specific questions when they first met. Taehyung is just so unpredictable. Is it because they still don’t know much about each other? Or is he really like that? With the way the younger assured and answered him a few nights ago, Yoongi knows that Taehyung looks at things from a different perspective. Somehow, his words provide Yoongi comfort.

“Should love hurt?” Yoongi asks. He knows that it’s an unusual question, but he couldn’t help but want to hear Taehyung’s thoughts.

Taehyung stares at him intensely as if he’s trying to look through him. “Shouldn’t it? Love hurts all the time.”

“What?” It caught Yoongi off guard. Should love hurt? For what? It’s hurting him a lot right now, and he just wants it to stop. Why should he get hurt when he just wants to love? “Did you understand me?”

Taehyung grins at him. “Yeah. I said love hurts all the time.”

“Why should it?”

“Because you ache for the one you love,” Taehyung mutters, his gaze falling to avoid Yoongi’s. “You hurt when you’re not with them; you want to be with them. It breaks you when they’re sad. You want to give them your everything even if it means your all. Love hurts, hyung. A lot.”

Taehyung offers him a small smile that seems to hold a lot, but he continues speaking before Yoongi can even ask. “It’s your choice what kind of hurt it will be, though. The kind of hurt that will make you love them more because you just want to be with them, or the type of hurt that you want to stop because it’s taking everything in you and it’s breaking you apart.”

The last words pierce right through Yoongi. This love with Jimin is breaking him apart. He doesn’t even know anymore what went wrong or how it went wrong. Weren’t they happy together? They still are, sure, but it feels like everything can quickly fall apart. Is it Yoongi’s fault? Or Jimin’s? Does it really matter? Why do they always fight when they can just fix it? Why can’t they just be a happy couple in love? Do they not love each other enough? Or is it too much? Because Yoongi… he loves Jimin so much. But it’s hurting him, it’s hurting them. What should he do?

“I love him, Taehyung.” Yoongi grips his can of beer, knife stabbing his heart from Jimin.

“I know, hyung,” Taehyung smiles sadly at him, his eyes shines with understanding and empathy. “But I hope you won’t let it break you.”

Yoongi’s jaw tightens in an attempt to control his expression, his cheeks hurting from trying not to let tears out of his eyes. He can’t see any point in crying. “What do I do?”

Taehyung heaves a deep sigh and reaches out to tap Yoongi’s chin and make the older look at him. The action grounds Yoongi. “I don’t know hyung, but… but please, don’t let yourself break. Love should heal you both, not ruin you.”

Love should heal. The thought keeps running inside Yoongi’s head, even when both of them stop talking and just starts drinking their own drinks again. Yoongi just watches the night while Taehyung gives him the space that he needs, staying with him just to make Yoongi feel that he has someone; that he got a friend.

It’s especially nice when Taehyung pushed a box of strawberry milk for him to drink instead of opening his second can of beer. Yoongi doesn’t particularly enjoy it before, but somehow, he’s grown fond of the strawberry milk. It lets him taste the sweetness that he didn’t know he needs.

“Yeah, sorry. You know Jimin. If I didn't go over after our whole fight a few days ago, he’s going to get angrier with me,” Yoongi tells Namjoon over the phone as he wears his shoes. “Tell Taehyung I’ll make it up to him?”

Taehyung got the role he auditioned for. It will give him a big break in theatre, so Namjoon along with Seokjin and Hoseok are giving him a celebration. Yoongi is invited as well, but he needs to go to Jimin. As much as Yoongi wants to congratulate Taehyung in getting the role he auditioned for, he can’t.

“Yeah, I know,” Yoongi can hear Namjoon chuckle. It’s not the first time Yoongi cancelled on him, so Namjoon isn’t really that surprised as well. “Taehyung’s just…  nevermind. Have fun with your date!”

Taehyung’s just what? “What happened to Taehyung?” Yoongi can’t help but stop, especially since Taehyung’s familiar cheerfulness enters his mind. This is probably gonna disappoint him. But… Yoongi needs to be a good boyfriend. Taehyung will understand. Yoongi is sure of it. He’s just not sure how he’s going to make it up to Taehyung when he knows he’s a lousy friend.

“Oh, he got you strawberry milk?” Namjoon chuckles on the other side of the line, a slight disruption in the background. “I didn’t know you like strawberry milk now.”

Yoongi laughs softly, his chest feeling warm. That cheeky kid. “I grew fond of it.”

“I can’t believe Taehyung pulled you into liking it,” Yoongi can hear distanced laughing on the other line. “Did you know he got Seokjin-hyung to make him a whole strawberry drink on his café? It turned out to be one of the best-sellers!”

“Yeah,” of course, Yoongi knows. “I’m not sure if Seokjin-hyung told you, but Jimin and I actually went there when we fought.”

Yoongi hears Namjoon take a deep breath and sigh. “He actually mentioned that you dropped by and, yeah. He feels bad causing trouble.”

Yoongi feels guilty. Seokjin was so nice that time, even treating them with other pastries. It hurts Yoongi that other people are the ones who blame themselves when he and Jimin gets a misunderstanding. It’s not their fault but Yoongi’s.

Yoongi sighs, the air getting denser around him from all the complications happening in his life. “Tell him it’s not his fault for me?”

“Ok, hyung.”

“Thanks, Joon-ah. I’ll see you back home.”

“Sure, hyung. Bye—”

“Namjoonie-hyung!”

“Is that Tae—” Yoongi’s question is cut off as Namjoon hangs up. “…hyung.”

Yoongi stares at his phone, contemplating whether he should call back Namjoon or not. Taehyung sounds so cheerful and happy. Imagine spending so much time and passion in planting the seeds on your path and finally seeing them grow.

As Yoongi takes a deep breath in an attempt to relieve the heavy feeling he suddenly has, he steps out of the apartment and starts walking. Earlier, Jimin messaged him that he misses him, so Yoongi took that as a sign that the younger is finally ready to forgive him. It’s been days, after all. Yoongi just didn’t expect he’d feel bad not joining in celebrating with his friends.

Yoongi looks up at the stars scattered through the velvety night sky. It’s similar to that night when he tried to get drunk, but only ending up drinking two whole boxes of strawberry milk. Remembering it only makes Yoongi guilty. Taehyung is a good friend—hell, he’s a great friend to Yoongi. Why does Yoongi need to disappoint his friends just to be a good boyfriend? His friends welcomed him with warm hands, but so far, he made Seokjin feel bad from his and Jimin’s argument at his café; made Namjoon not have his best friend; and disappointed Taehyung on a special day.

Yoongi sighs, then he takes his phone and messages Namjoon.

To: Namjoon-ah

Can you send me Taehyung’s number?

A minute or two passes by before Yoongi receives a text.

From: Namjoon-ah

Tae: +82 483 10481

Yoongi immediately taps it to call. He doesn’t want to waste any time while he has this certain bravery running through him. It rings a couple of times before—

“Hello?” The familiar deep voice of Taehyung greets the line. It’s so endearing that despite the tone of his voice, Taehyung somehow manages to sound so soft. It’s weird, but Yoongi sees it as a Taehyung trait.

“Hey,” Yoongi greets back, unable to hide the guilt on his voice. “Strawberry milk.”

“Oh,” Taehyung chuckles after hearing him. “Hey, hyung! To what honor does Taehyungie have to make you call him?”

Taehyungie? He calls himself Taehyungie? The thought makes Yoongi chuckle. “Taehyungie? Well, I wanted to congratulate Taehyungie for doing an amazing job in following his dreams.”

Taehyung tutts, tone still playful and teasing. Yoongi is just glad that Taehyung seems fine talking to him. “Well, Taehyungie wants to be mad at you, but apparently, you need to be a good boyfriend.”

A good boyfriend. Yoongi kicks a small pebble that’s on the road. Yeah, he needs to be that, and that’s why he’s on his way to Jimin’s now. “Yeah… Sorry about that. I’m gonna make it up to you, I promise.”

Taehyung pauses for a short moment, humming softly. “I don’t like promises, though. It breaks my heart and makes me not trust people.”

Yoongi pauses after hearing that. Taehyung has shared a lot of thoughts with him already, but they’re mostly because Yoongi needs someone to remind him about love and relationship. Finding out something unexpected from Taehyung that’s just so… Taehyung is… different.

“I’ll… surprise you, then. You’ll just see me dragging you somewhere to eat or something.” Yoongi replies.

“Hyung!” Taehyung laughs, so different from his tone earlier. “You’re literally small. You can never drag me.”

“Yah!” Yoongi smiles. “Stop disrespecting your hyung.”

“I don’t know… I mean, you still owe me those strawberry milk I gave you.”

“I thought they were free?”

“In this economy? You must be kidding, hyung.”

Yoongi chuckles loudly with Taehyung, but it slowly dies down to him listening to the younger on the other line. “Thank you for those strawberry milk. They helped me a lot.”

“I know. It does have its magic, right? It helped me a lot, too.”

“Helped you where?” Yoongi asks.

Taehyung takes a moment to answer, and when he did, his voice is filled with so much enthusiasm that Yoongi ends up raising his eyebrows. “A lot. It’s my healing potion.”

“From?”

“Broken hearts.”

“Oh.”

“Curious?” Taehyung laughs. “I’ll tell you about it one day. If you remember to ask.”

“Of course, I’ll remember.”

“We’ll see hyung.”

Silence accompanied the line, Yoongi isn’t quite sure what to say, and Taehyung is just waiting for him. It’s still comfortable, though.

“Well then, I’ll let you be a good boyfriend now.”

“Ok,” Yoongi’s voice trails off. “I hope I can be a good friend soon.”

“You already are, hyung,” Taehyung replies. “You didn’t have to call me, but you did. Thank you.”

“Tae… You’re making me guiltier.”

“Oh, really? Sorry!” Taehyung laughs. “Taehyungie says thank you for the call.”

“Well, Yoongi says thank you for being a good friend.”

“Aw, you suck at being cute.” The sound of Taehyung’s laughter could only make Yoongi’s night better. “Goodnight, Yoonie-hyung! See you.”

“Sure. Bye, Taehyungie. Goodnight.”

The phone ends with a beep and Yoongi in a lighter feeling. Being friends with Taehyung is honestly making him feel better. With all the people he had to cut off after the sudden turn of his relationship with Jimin, it’s great to finally have someone that’s there for him. He knows Namjoon is with him, but he ends up hating himself now when he pours everything to Namjoon. It makes him think that he’s taking away Namjoon’s chance on leaning on him and be his friend. He knows Namjoon is strong and wise, but Yoongi does want to make him feel like he has someone. Maybe he’s doing that with Taehyung as well, but Taehyung makes him feel like he’s leaning to Yoongi as well. He makes Yoongi feel like he’s not taking anything away from Taehyung, and honestly, with all that has happened, Yoongi can’t help but find comfort in it.

“Babe, why did you stop dancing?” Yoongi asks as the younger cuddles close to him. They’re in their comfortable position, Jimin hugging Yoongi’s torso while Yoongi had his arm around Jimin.

“Hm?” Jimin hums, looking up to meet Yoongi’s eyes that are filled with thoughtful curiosity. “No reason.”

“But you loved it,” Yoongi replies.

Jimin untangles from Yoongi and looks at him softly. It reminds Yoongi of those carefree days when they first fell in love. He doesn’t have an idea, but it makes him sad and miss Jimin even though the younger is in front of him.

“I did,” Jimin brushes strands of Yoongi’s hair from his forehead. “It’s hard, hyung. Sometimes you just lose passion and fall out of love.”

“But… how?” Yoongi adds, remember the sound of happiness that emanates from Taehyung’s voice. How can you give up that kind of happiness? “It made you happy.”

Jimin stares at him thoughtfully, his eyes filled with emotion that Yoongi can’t distinguish. He has never seen Jimin look like this before and it’s making him want to understand. They never had this kind of talk, but somehow, it feels needed. Yoongi needs to feel the familiarity of Jimin that he barely feels lately. This is the closest to that.

“It… it used to, hyung. But it was too much. I was torn with it and my job,” Jimin shrugs, his eyes unfocused. “One day, I woke up not wanting to do it anymore. I didn’t want to end up hating something I used to love because it’s breaking me slowly. I’d rather leave happily than stay bitterly.” 

Yoongi takes Jimin’s hand and places it to his chest. “That’s sad. But brave, I think. It’s not easy to give it up.”

“I don’t know, hyung. It wasn’t easy, sure, but it didn’t hurt anymore when I let it go. That actually makes me sadder.” Jimin shrugs, finally clinging closer to Yoongi and hiding his face to Yoongi’s chest. “Can we please not talk about this? I’d rather sleep.”

Yoongi pulls Jimin closer and squeezes him lightly to provide comfort. He understands why Jimin would rather bring the topic to light. It’s hard admitting things that go against what you initially believe. Maybe Jimin still has thoughts over him dancing, but Yoongi can just support him with what he wants to do, especially if Jimin prefers to move on from it.

Despite that, Yoongi will never forget that happiness that embraces Taehyung and his voice when he talked to him earlier. Yoongi wants that kind of joy and passion for dreams too; the kind that it’s so evident to everyone.

“Who’s Taehyungie?” Yoongi hears Jimin ask outside of the bathroom, making him pause while brushing his teeth and immediately step out. Yoongi knows there’s nothing to worry about, but he’d rather not make Jimin ask and nag.

“Babe. That’s just Joon-ah’s friend.”

Jimin is staring at his phone, unsettling Yoongi’s heart. He doesn’t know what Jimin is looking at and it’s clear that Jimin wouldn’t give him his phone if he asks him now. “Why is he calling you ‘Yoonie-hyung’ then?”

“He loves giving nicknames,” Yoongi tries to walk to where Jimin is sitting on the bed and take his phone, but the younger moves away from him. “Baby, please.”

“Please what?” Yoongi could just close his eyes and take a deep breath with how annoyed Jimin’s voice sounds like. This is not the way he wants to start his day.

“He doesn’t usually text me, so there must be a reason why he did now,” Yoongi’s trying to sound reasonable, not wanting to have an argument when they just made up last night.

It’s tiring, really. Yoongi used to not overthink their fights and instead, he focuses on how they can make up, but lately, he’s just… he wants to stop fighting. He knows he shouldn’t be like this; knows that he should be working hard to keep their relationship together, but he just wants to take a rest once in a while.

“He says Namjoon-hyung forgot his phone,” Jimin answers. “But I don’t understand why he needs to give you a nickname.”

“It’s just his personality. Jimin, please. Let’s not fight over this,” Yoongi almost begs. Honestly, he’s scared of what could happen. Although he knows that Jimin is not the type of person to do anything bad, Yoongi is still worried. “It’s just a nickname.”

Jimin looks at him with heartbreak on his eyes. It’s so sad that Yoongi has to reach out to him, but Jimin pushed him away, throwing Yoongi’s phone on the bed. “Just a nickname? Fine. Go exchange nicknames with Taehyungie, Yoongi. I’m going out. Don’t follow me.”

Yoongi watches helplessly as Jimin storms out of his own place, grabbing his stuff and giving Yoongi a broken look with tears almost streaming down. Yoongi will be lying if he says it didn’t sting; it pierced right through him. He hates making Jimin sad, but with the way they always fight and Jimin crying, Yoongi had somehow grown numb. No matter what he does, Jimin always cries. All he can worry about now is how to make up with his boyfriend. Again.

Yoongi sighs when he hears the front door shut loudly. He’s so tired. He needs a rest from this frustrating emotions.

“Are you ok?” Yoongi sees Taehyung and finds his eyes looking at him filled with worry. They agreed to meet up so Yoongi can get Namjoon’s phone since the latter seems to be unreachable. Taehyung told him earlier that they all got wasted except him.

Yoongi nods slightly, despite the numb feeling on his chest. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Taehyung looks at him with a pout, his hand holding Namjoon’s phone which he’s supposed to hand over but pauses when he notices Yoongi’s nonexistent energy. “You don’t feel ok.”

“What?”

“You don’t feel ok. Did something happen?” Taehyung’s trying to meet his eyes now, but Yoong’s instinct makes him avoid it. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t expect that Taehyung would notice his mood. Although Yoongi didn’t try hard to hide it, he did try not to let it show. “Just… I had a fight with Jimin this morning.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Yoongi runs his hand through his hair and looks up at the sky. He’s so tired. “It’s just a damn nickname, Tae.”

“Nickname?” Taehyung repeats, confusion shrouds his face. Only a few seconds pass by when his expression changes into a clearer one with understanding. Yoongi feels bad in making him realize, but Taehyung is a smart guy. “He saw my message? Sorry about that, hyung. Should I stop calling you with that? I’ll understand if you want me to.”

“No!” Yoongi tells Taehyung before he can even stop himself. “It’s ok. I like it. We’re friends, and that’s how you are with your friends. I don’t want you to be different with me. You’re Taehyungie, and I’m Yoonie, ok?”

Taehyung stares at him for a while, his expression unreadable, but his eyes are looking right through him. It gives Yoongi a feeling that Taehyung is studying him, understanding what he wants, and he understands why Yoongi wants this. Yoongi always tries his best to give everything for his relationship to Jimin, but it doesn’t feel right making his friends do the same. It’s him and Jimin in this relationship, but the way everything plays out, he somehow manages to drag everyone into it. Yoongi will never forget how he somehow pulls Namjoon in any way into his own mess. He wants to do his best for that not to happen again, and he wants to start now.

“Ok, Yoonie-hyung,” Taehyung smiles at him widely, sharing his warmth that Yoongi has been familiar with already. “Wanna go to the arcade and have fun? I’ll get you strawberry milk. You don’t need to talk.”

Yoongi watches as Taehyung eagerly moves around him playfully, making him reach out to stop Taehyung and pat his head softly. He just really want to thank the younger for giving a warm feeling. “Thanks, Taehyungie. Let’s go have fun?”

With wide eyes, Taehyung offers him his signature boxy smile. It makes Yoongi smile as well to see that the younger is doing his best to cheer him up without bringing up anything that Yoongi wants to stop thinking about right now. Yoongi had lost touch with a lot of his friends before, not able to reach out to them anymore. It’s different with Taehyung. Maybe because their circle of friends are closer, but despite that, Yoongi knows Taehyung will always reach out to him even when he’s hiding in the deepest part of himself.

“Yoonie-hyung? Aren’t you supposed to be at your office?” Taehyung barges into Yoongi and Namjoon’s living room, effectively stealing Yoongi’s attention away from his work.

“Taehyung?” gapes at the younger, surprised with his presence in the apartment. “What are you doing here?”

Taehyung chuckles and slumps at the couch, obviously comfortable already. “I borrowed a book from Namjoonie-hyung. It’s about my character. I’m just returning it, but Joonie-hyung said he’ll be out of town for a few days.”

“Oh,” Yoongi nods, remembering how Namjoon was rushing earlier even though he already checked his luggage a couple of days before. “Yeah. He’s on some seminar or something.”

“What about you?”

Yoongi looks at Taehyung with a question on his eyes, not sure what Taehyung is talking about. “What about me?”

“Joonie-hyung said no one’s here?” Taehyung asks, watching Yoongi who’s leaning on his drafting table. “That’s why he gave me his keys.”

“Ah, yeah. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with others, so…” Yoongi’s voice trails off softly, showing an awkward smile. It’s a Monday afternoon, and he’s already feeling tired. Honestly, it’s probably more on his brain than body. He spent his weekend trying to make up with Jimin.

It really is not easy persuading Jimin to forgive him, especially when Yoongi isn’t sure how can he apologize for something that’s not wrong. It’s not even a particular endearment only for him. Seokjin and Hoseok even let Taehyung shower them with love, not bothered with Taehyung’s affection when he's sweet to the other only. How can Yoongi create a wall when all he wants is to be friends with them?

“Ah, do you want me to leave you alone? I’m just here to drop the book, anyway,” Taehyung is about to stand up and go about his business, understanding fills his whole face.

Yoongi rubs the back of his neck and smiles awkwardly. He had already spent his morning alone, and he’s okay with that. The thing is, he likes spending time with Taehyung more than how much he wants to admit. Maybe it’s because Taehyung always makes him laugh, or always say the words he never thought he needs to hear. Or perhaps it’s because Taehyung manages to comfort him to his very core.

“No, uhm, it’s okay. You’re not others, you’re a friend. You can stay if you want to. I’m not forcing you to go. Or to stay. I dunno.” Yoongi avoids Taehyung stare and tries to continue working on his draft.

It’s honestly unusual for Yoongi to be vocal like this, but after spending time with Taehyung and their other friends, he understands why Taehyung can be this affectionate and how Namjoon can be so at home with them. They are always so sweet and open with each other, even though they bicker a lot, they end up laughing with one another. They’re just so… so happy together.

“Nice,” Taehyung cheers, making Yoongi look up just to see him doing a little cheer dance, making him laugh. “I thought you were sick of me. I’ll be bothering you then.”

Yoongi offers a small smile, relieved that Taehyung didn’t make a big deal about it. “Ok, then. Make yourself at home.”

Taehyung nods with a smile then starts walking around the place, seemingly familiar with it already. Yoongi lets him mind his business and continues working. He has a deadline that needs to meet this week, but he wants to finish it quickly and make himself busy. It’s the only way he won’t find himself mopping over Jimin. Doing that is tiring, so Yoongi might as well be productive.

“Hey, Yoonie-hyung? Come here for a second,” Yoongi hears Taehyung calling by the hallway after a while, his voice colored with interest. He gets up with a frown on his forehead and walks to where Taehyung is. He finds the younger staring intently at the paintings displayed on their wall.

“Yeah?”

Taehyung glances at him quickly before focusing once more, his face is filled with serious curiosity. “Did you make this? I’ve never seen these paintings before, and they don’t look like they’re just printed on canvas.”

Oh. Yoongi stares at the artworks in front of him, slightly surprised because it feels like he had forgotten about them already. He doesn’t pay attention to them even though, yes, he is the one who made them. He just passes by them, and that’s just it, like a passerby used to walking pass the posters on the street.

“Yeah. I made those when I was in uni,” Yoongi smiles softly at Taehyung nostalgia slowly hitting him as he stares at his familiar stroke. Some of those paintings are actually made out of hobby instead of being a course requirement. “I had a lot of art subjects alongside my architecture courses.”

Taehyung gives him the brightest smile that it practically made Yoongi’s heart hurt in a good way. Taehyung looks at Yoongi like he just confessed that he brought color to the world. It’s just so… nice.

“That’s amazing! Do you have other works? Are you working on something now? Can I see it? Can you draw as well? Or are you more into painting? What other styles do you do? Tell me, hyung!” Yoongi can only laugh from Taehyung’s excitement.

Yoongi can feel the buzzing happiness from the younger. Everything feels lighter and warmer as if Yoongi took off dark sunglasses and now can finally see brighter colors. Although his laughter dies down into a gloomy silence when he processed Taehyung’s questions. He sounds so ecstatic, but Yoongi will have to break a piece of bad news to him: he doesn’t do it anymore.

“Taehyungie,” Yoongi leans back to the wall behind him and watches his works. Oh, how he loved painting a lot before. “I don’t paint anymore.”

Yoongi watches as Taehyung’s smile fades into a surprised expression, the smile leaving and letting his mouth hang open. It’s the first time the Yoongi sees Taehyung like he just received heartbreaking news. Maybe it’s that kind of confession.

“You… don’t?” Taehyung asks softly, slowly, voice full of doubt. “Why?”

Yoongi shrugs, mind travelling back in time to try and remember why he stopped. Did it start when he started working full-time? But he managed to do the same with his part-time and studying. How about when he began dating Jimin? Somehow. He did some sketches then, though. Ah. Maybe it was when he and Jimin just… lost track of their relationship. It was when everything became too much that Yoongi had to put his everything to keep their relationship from falling apart. Painting takes up so much time and mental energy, but with how his life was going—in addition to him being promoted to a higher position—then, Yoongi just had to let it go.

“Everything was just too much, Tae,” Yoongi smiles sadly, watching Taehyung as he moves closer and leans against the wall next to him. “I got promoted, and Jimin and I… we were falling apart. I had to do everything to stop that. If I wasn’t working, I spent my time with him or trying to make up with him. Life just happened.”

Taehyung hums, his eyes intense on Yoongi’s work. “You really do your best to be a good boyfriend, huh?”

“I guess.” Yoongi chuckles, his eyes falling to the floor. Speaking about it and what happened suddenly makes him feel raw and naked.

They stay leaning on the wall for a while, both comfortable despite some obvious words hanging in the air. Yoongi’s not sure if it’s his words or Taehyung’s.

“Hyung?” Finally, after a few moments, Taehyung softly calls. “Can I ask something?”

“Hm? Sure.” Yoongi unconsciously ends up imitating Taehyung’s voice’s softness.

“When was the last time you were good to yourself?”

The question made Yoongi stop. He’s unsure if he understands Taehyung properly, unsure what he means by that.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asks.

Taehyung glances at him, his eyes wide with pleading. “It’s just… you always try to be a good boyfriend. I think you are a good boyfriend, but… but I never heard you doing anything good just for yourself.”

“Taehyungie…” Yoongi’s heart hurts a little more than necessary upon seeing Taehyung with such solemn face.

“I’m not against you being a good boyfriend, hyung!” Taehyung chuckles, but somehow, it sounds sad on Yoongi’s ears. “I just want to see you be kind to yourself too, you know?”

Yoongi looks down, Taehyung’s words downing on him. “I… don’t know. How?”

“It can be anything, hyung!” Taehyung stands straight and starts to sound livelier. “You can start by drinking strawberry milk. Or start doing what you love again.”

Yoongi takes a deep breath and offers a smile, remembering the night talked to Taehyung over the phone. He remembers how Taehyung sounded so happy. “Can I confess something?”

“What?”

“That night, when you had a party, and we talked over the phone? I was so happy,” Yoongi starts, his eyes meeting Taehyung’s, making his heart pick up its beat slightly. “I kept thinking about how great it must be to do what you’re passionate and be happy about it. I wanted to have that kind of happiness like yours. It was… I don’t know… I just felt your happiness reaching inside me.”

Taehyung is quiet for a while, but there is a hint of a smile. “Thanks, hyung. It wasn’t easy, to be honest. But, I’m trying too. I hope you work on it as well.”

“I hope,” Yoongi chuckles. “But I don’t know where to start. Or how.”

Taehyung tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. There’s a mischievous look on his face that Yoongi can only smile. “Well, we can start now by getting some of my healing potions.”

“Sure,” Yoongi laughs, endeared with how excited Taehyung looks. “I’ll just finish what I’m drawing.”

“When’s your deadline?”

“Friday.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes then suddenly places his arms around Yoongi’s shoulder, expertly guiding him back to the living room. “Hyung, live a little.”

Taehyung is smiling widely, but Yoongi feels that the younger is serious. It’s honestly making him really want to as well. It makes his blood run fast, and his heart beat faster; it’s making him feel alive.

Yoongi wants to live.

“It’s great to see you hanging with us more, hyung,” Hoseok hands a can of beer to Yoongi with a broad smile. “I gotta say, we wanted to meet you before, but Joon mentioned that you were usually busy with work.”

Yoongi offers a polite smile then takes a small sip from the can. “Yeah, sorry about that. I had tons of projects lately.”

“Nah, it’s fine, hyung,” Hoseok shakes his head enthusiastically, leaning back to the couch. “We’re just glad you’re here now. Taehyung seems more cheerful lately as well. He wouldn’t stop talking about your paintings. I think he really liked them.”

Yoongi smiles shyly and shrugs. He can see the pleased look on Hoseok’s eyes. “Thanks. I’m glad he liked them.”

Yoongi is currently at Seokjin, Hoseok, and Taehyung’s place, the latter inviting him to come over and join them since Namjoon is still out of town and he’s all alone. Taehyung probably planned this since Yoongie mentioned to him yesterday that it had been a while since he drank with his friends. Somehow, Taehyung manages to do anything that Yoongi used to wish.

“Yeah,” Hoseok answers softly. “We’re glad too. It had been a while.”

“A while?” Yoongi repeats, catching the tone of Hoseok’s voice. Relief and hope are clinging to it.

Hoseok nods, his eyes on Seokjin and Taehyung who are debating what movie they should put on. “Tae… he had some rough time before. We’ve been friends for a long time now, but it was him, Jin-hyung, and Jungkook initially.”

“Who’s Jungkook?”

Hoseok stares at him intensely for a moment, studying him. “He’s… Taehyung’s best friend. He used to paint.”

“Really? Where is he now?” the information takes Yoongi’s full attention. It has been a while since he met the three and he started hanging out with Taehyung more, but no one really mentioned someone named Jungkook.

“You can ask Taehyung,” Hoseok chuckles, his eyes falling on the can of beer he’s holding. Yoongi gets a feeling that Hoseok doesn’t want to talk about it. “I’m sure he’ll tell you. I think he’ll appreciate it more instead of us talking about it without him.”

Yoongi glances at the laughing Taehyung, wondering what could have happened to that Jungkook. Seokjin and Taehyung don’t seem to be the types who will push away someone. How did the three even get close to Namjoon? Yoongi knows that although a performer, Namjoon can be shy backstage.

“I never asked for the details, but how did you three get close to Namjoon?” Yoongi asks.

Hoseok takes a swig from the beer. “Oh, Tae approached him first as well.”

Yoongi chuckles, imagining Taehyung talking to Namjoon first. That must have been a sight. “Taehyungie seems to enjoy talking to people.”

Hoseok joins him with soft laughter. “Yeah. He… he likes approaching people who seemed to be lonely.”

“Lonely?” the word makes Yoongi stop.

Hoseok nods. “Yeah. We met Namjoon about… about a year and a half ago? I thought he was weird because he had a great stage presence, and yet he manages to hide when out of the stage. And then, we got to hang out. I realized that he was actually lonely. I never really thought about it, but when you joined us, I thought of Taehyung introducing Joon to me and Jin.”

“I didn’t really think about it first,” Hoseok continues. “But that whole thing with your boyfriend happened at Jin-hyung’s café, so I thought, maybe there was more than Tae approaching you because you were alone and you were Namjoon’s best friend. Maybe… maybe you were lonely in some ways than most people imagined you to be. I’ve been friends with Taehyung for long now, and I know he seems to be… bizarre at times, but I know that there’s always something more on what he does.”

Yoongi stares at Hoseok, remembering that night when he first met Taehyung. In some way, Taehyung helped him more than when he had an anxiety attack. It’s funny looking back on how rude he was with Taehyung then, but now, Yoongi’s is starting to realize a lot of things. They may be little epiphanies, but somehow, they’re reminding Yoongi about himself. It’s good.

“Movie title, now!” Seokjin breaks Yoongi’s thoughts when he suddenly runs to them, with a laughing Taehyung after him.

“Lalalaland!” Taehyung yells with a burst of laughter.

“Lalalaland?” Yoongi answers hesitantly, making Hoseok laugh loudly and Seokjin stop and look at Taehyung with an evil eye.

Taehyung gives him a cheeky smile, enjoying Seokjin’s expression. Yoongi couldn’t help but smile as well seeing all of them have fun and just be happy. Namjoon is gonna be so jealous when he shares that he spent time with their friends. Yoongi likes calling them friends.

“Stop bullying Yoongi, yah!” Seokjin outbursts, making them all laugh harder.

“How can I bully him when he’s happily listening to my suggestions!” Taehyung replies.

Jin is turning redder on the face now, but there is a hint of laughter trying to escape from him. “Suggestions, my ass!”

“You don’t have an ass!” Yoongi and Hoseok with laughter as the two bickers at each other. It’s the funniest Yoongi had seen for a while.

“Yah!” Seokjin starts playfully bumping into Taehyung, making the younger laugh.

“He’s got a great ass.” Hoseok chimes in, finally breaking Yoongi and letting him just laugh all over them. Yoongi hasn’t had a good laugh in a while and being here right now is cheering him up.

Taehyung scrunches his nose and runs away from Seokjin and settles at the chair beside Yoongi to hide his face behind his hands. “Gross! I didn’t want to hear that!”

“You started it!” Hoseok cackles evilly, clearly knowing that he made Taehyung cave in and give up in teasing Seokjin.

Yoongi likes it here. He really likes it. He loves spending time with his friends. He’s happy here; his heart is lighter here. He wants to keep this place and let himself stay.

He wants to stay.

“I have a great ass as well.” Yoongi lets himself loose and joins the banter between them. He wants to feel it once more, the thrill of messing around with your friends.

“God!” Seokjin groans and hides to beside Hoseok. Laughter is escaping from both of them. “We lost Yoongi to Taehyung! I can’t believe this!”

Yoongi shrugs, leaning back to his seat to be more relaxed. He can hear Taehyung giggling beside him, clearly pleased with the sudden turn of events, and honestly, it’s making Yoongi feel nice. It could have been better if Namjoon is here with him, but that can be done on a different day. Yoongi knows they’ll have more time to spend together.

“Ugh, I’m so glad you’re with me, hyung,” Taehyung places his hand around his shoulders and offers a high five that Yoongi accepted. “Namjoonie-hyung is whipped for them, so imagine my struggle when he takes their side!”

“Namjoon is our baby,” Seokjin is still red from laughter, but he’s more in control of himself now.

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “I’m the baby. Right, Yoonie-hyung?”

Yoongi chuckles, enjoying the warmth of Taehyung beside him. 

“Yeah,” Yoongi meets Taehyung’s eyes and finds a piece of the universe in them. They just suck him in and makes him wonder how someone could be made out of the universe. “You’re the baby.”

He really will make sure he’ll stay here with them for a long time.

From: Taehyungie

Hey Yoonie-hyung! Jin-hyung has a new dish.

From: Yoonie-hyung

That’s really cool.

From: Taehyungie

So I’ll see you later?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Later?

From: Taehyungie

Yeah? We taste-test it before he adds it to the menu?

From: Yoonie-hyung

I’m included?

From: Taehyungie

Of course. You’re our friend.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah haha see you later.

From: Taehyungie

See you!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Are you busy?

From: Taehyungie

About to finish my rehearsal. Why?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Can we grab some of your strawberry milk?

From: Taehyungie

Sure, hyung.

From: Taehyungie

Are you ok?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah

From: Taehyungie

Ok then. See you, hyung 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

See you, Taehyungie.

From: Yoonie-hyung

It’s just, don’t you think it’s silly to ignore someone trying to make it up to you and then get angry because he didn’t make it up to you since you’re pushing him away?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Sorry. Ignore me.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung… Don’t you think he’s pushing you away to see how hard you’ll work?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Why is it always me? We always fight these days. Sometimes, I don’t even know what we’re fighting about, but I’ll go and make it up to him. It’s always me giving in even when I have no idea what I’m giving in about. I just want to know, am I not enough? Is us together not enough?

From: Taehyungie

Hyung :( I can’t answer that for him, but don’t you think you two need to talk? Really talk?

From: Yoonie-hyung

I tried Taehyungie. But he wouldn’t give in.

From: Taehyungie

Maybe he needs time.

From: Yoonie-hyung

What about me?

From: Taehyungie

You need time too hyung. You’ve been exhausting yourself too much.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah. Sorry. I’m just tired.

From: Taehyungie

It’s ok, hyung! I’ll make sure we have fun later. 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

Thanks, Taehyungie 😊

From: Taehyungie

Hey, yoonie-hyung. Sorry for replying late. Rehearsals took longer.

From: Yoonie-hyung

It’s ok, Taehyungie. I’ve been bothering you a lot already.

From: Taehyungie

Of course, you’re not bothering me, hyung! How’s work?

From: Taehyungie

Thanks. It’s the usual. Nothing exciting. How about you? 

From: Taehyungie

It’s always exciting doing what you want to do. Haha. They took measurements for our costumes! Oh, one of my coworkers got a bouquet of daisies. One of the reasons why we stopped rehearsing cause we were teasing her. Hahaha

From: Yoonie-hyung

That’s cute. You like flowers?

From: Taehyungie

It’s ok. I’m not sure I’m a flower person, but they’re gorgeous.

From: Yoonie-hyung

You’re a whole bouquet though.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung! Hahahaha

From: Yoonie-hyung

I’m just telling the truth.

From: Taehyungie

Thank you 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

I almost forgot to mention. Jimin finally said we can talk.

From: Taehyungie

That’s good, hyung! Make sure to tell him about how you feel, ok?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah. I hope it’ll turn out good.

From: Taehyungie

I know it will.

From: Yoonie-hyung

How can you be so sure?

From: Taehyungie

Because Yoonie-hyung is the sweetest person. He’s kind and thoughtful. He’s so gentle, too! He might not be the type of person who will shout his love to you, BUT he’s the type of person who will give the whole universe if you ask him too. He’s the best.

From: Yoonie-hyung

You make me sound like amazing. Haha

From: Taehyungie

But you are! You just need to remember it. I’ll remind you every day if I need to.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Thanks, Taehyungie. You always cheer me up.

From: Taehyungie

Of course. You’re Yoonie-hyung! 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

Thanks. 😊 I’ll let you take a rest now since I know you must be exhausted from rehearsing.

From: Taehyungie

I’m ok, but thanks, hyung. I’m doing my best at rehearsals since I really want to impress our director.

From: Yoonie-hyung

You’ll be amazing. I know it.

From: Taehyungie

Thank you, hyung! Goodnight!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Goodnight, Taehyungie.

Yoongi smiles down as he stares at the carton of strawberry milk he impulsively ordered at the pantry instead of the usual water or orange juice. It’s the same one that Taehyung loves. What could Taehyung be doing right now? Ah, he must be eating lunch as well.

They have been spending a lot of time lately, which honestly helps Yoongi from being engulfed from all his work. Taehyung is just a fresh breeze of wind that reminds Yoongi he can breathe. Sometimes, Seokjin and Hoseok will be there, video calling Namjoon who is still out of town and will be back next Monday. Yoongi is on his happiest, and most relaxed lately. 

Is that weird? Yoongi isn’t sure since he has always depended his happiness on his relationship with Jimin. Yoongi didn’t want to think about it, but this fight with Jimin helped him realize some things, like how both of them caged themselves which caused them to lose sight of where they should be going. But with Yoongi’s friends, he’s slowly losing the massive pull of the anchor on his feet. He’s moving, learning to finally read the map to the place he wants to go. 

He likes it.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung! Did you send me boxes of strawberry milk?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Oh, it arrived already? How did you even know it’s me?

From: Taehyungie

 [Picture attached]

This! And it’s such an architect handwriting. You’re the only architect I know.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Ok, you got me. Haha. Thanks for sharing some of them to me, Taehyungie 😊

From: Taehyungie

Of course, hyung.

From: Taehyungie

How was the talk?

From: Yoonie-hyung

It was ok.

From: Taehyungie

And?

From: Yoonie-hyung

We’re ok. I think. Nothing really big happened.

From: Taehyungie

Well, at least you two are ok now!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah.

From: Yoonie-hyung

I forgot to ask if we’ll wait for Namjoon to return home this weekend before we all meet up? Kinda missing Jin-hyung’s cooking. 

From: Taehyungie

Aw, do you miss us already? Hahaha

From: Yoonie-hyung

I said Jin-hyung’s cooking.

From: Taehyungie

Fiiiiine.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Are you doing that pouting? Haha. Yeah, I miss you and the gang.

From: Taehyungie

Hmm. Any schedule after work?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Not really, why?

From: Taehyungie

Nothing! 😊 Time to rehearse. Laters, hyung!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Ok. Laters, Taehyungie.

“Hyung?” The glass of water that Yoongi is holding almost slips after he hears the familiar voice of Jimin. He turns and finds his boyfriend standing at the doorway. “Can we talk?”

“Baby? Is there something wrong?” Yoongi places the glass on the table and walks close to Jimin, noticing the furrows on his forehead.

It’s not unusual for Jimin to just pop into his apartment, especially since he gave Jimin spare keys. Yoongi just didn’t expect that Jimin will pay him a visit tonight.

“I need us to talk,” Jimin’s voice makes Yoongi think that Jimin really needs this talk now; there’s an urgency on the younger’s tone. “Now.”

“Ok, baby,” Yoongi places his hands on Jimin’s shoulders, squeezing it slightly to provide comfort. “Talk.”

“You love me, right?”

Yoongi had to raise his eyebrows. “Is there something wrong?”

Jimin looks down, head shaking slowly, seemingly lost with the reel of thoughts inside his head. “No. You always agree and say you love me. Why are you not agreeing now? Why are you asking that? You’re supposed to say you love me, hyung.”

“Jimin?” Yoongi watches as Jimin pushes him slowly and moving to the living room. “Baby, what’s happening?”

Jimin hugs himself as he starts pacing back and forth. “You’re supposed to say you love me. Why aren’t you saying it?”

“Baby, I need to know what’s wrong.” Yoongi’s heart is picking a pace, an unsettling feeling is slowly creeping on his chest as he watches Jimin meltdown along with the tears that are starting to stream down on Jimin’s face. 

“Answer me, hyung,” Jimin says slowly. “You love me, right? Tell me, hyung. Please. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Of course baby, but I need you to calm down,” Yoongi reaches out to Jimin, his voice low and comforting despite seeing his boyfriend drown on his own emotions. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong.”

Jimin stops, breathing hysterically as if the air is being robbed out of his lungs. He runs to Yoongi and encircles his arms around Yoongi, letting the dam of emotions spill entirely. Yoongi holds Jimin as the younger incoherently ask Yoongi question and tell him things.

Yoongi didn’t really speak as he listens to Jimin. He has never seen the younger act like this. Jimin is always just so composed and perfect, unblemished and pretty. The Jimin that Yoongi is holding right now feels like a lost child, finally finding his parents and clinging to them. It’s breaking Yoongi’s heart.

“Please…” Jimin whispers.

“Of course, Jimin,” Yoongi replies simply, unsure how to calm the other down.

Yoongi knows he should just say the words Jimin is asking; he could say those words, but… they just don’t feel right. No, not because he doesn’t feel it. Seeing Jimin breaks down and cry over something Yoongi doesn’t have an idea about doesn’t seem to be a fitting reason why Yoongi should say it. And thinking that… no, knowing that he wouldn’t even hesitate to tell Jimin that he loves him if they were back to a month ago makes him so, so guilty.

What changed?

“Then— then, if you love me, you’ll do what I ask you to do, right?” Jimin clings to him like he’s holding for dear life. “Anything, right?”

“What is it?” Yoongi replies.

“Stop meeting with Namjoon-hyung’s friends,” Jimin’s eyes are wide and swimming with tears, pleading. “Stop being friends with them.”

A heartbeat.

“What?” Did Yoongi hear Jimin correctly?

Jimin wipes away the tears that stream down on his cheeks, gathering all his senses. “Stop being friends with them.”

“Jimin, I’m not gonna do that,” Yoongi blurts before he can even catch himself. Nevertheless, he doesn’t regret saying it. He feels heard, his self finally validated and getting what it wants after giving so much.

“I’m your boyfriend. You have to stop being with them,” Jimin steps away from him. Yoongi lets him and walks away to open the window. He couldn’t breathe with the weight of everything.

“That doesn’t even make any sense, Jimin,”

“They’re going to take you away from me!”

They’re gonna… what? “Take me away? Jimin, they’re my friends.”

 “They’re better than me! They make you so happy! I’m the one who should be doing that!”

“Jimin, I can be happy because of other things too.”

“W-what about me?”

“You make me happy, too,” But… you’re hurting me lately. “You need to rest. Just stay for the night.”

“Hyung…”

“Please, Jimin. Take a shower then we’ll go to sleep, ok?”

Jimin is quiet for a moment before he nods and walks to the bathroom, hands wiping away the tears that drenched his face. It’s a relief when Yoongi is finally alone once more. It’s a whole mess, with Jimin suddenly appearing here to cry and make him stop being friends with the others. Yoongie doesn’t understand why—he doesn’t really understand Jimin lately. He realizes that his boyfriend barely opens up recently.

A beep from his phone made him sigh. Yoongi takes his phone out of his pocket and checks it.

From: Taehyungie

Hey Yoonie-hyung! I left some cartons of healing potions at the floor on your front door. I figured you’ll need it.

Front door? Did Taehyung drop by?

Yoongi almost runs to the door, hoping to find Taehyung waiting for him when he pushed it open, only to see the invisible, cold air and two cartons of strawberry milk on the floor. Hollowness sucks his heart. He wants to see Taehyung.

Yoongi immediately calls Taehyung from his phone, hoping to at least talk to him. It ends up ringing for a couple of times before being answered.

“Yoonie-hyung?” 

Yoongi steps out of his apartment to take in the surroundings. He can finally breathe again. “Hey. Where are you?”

“Oh,” Taehyung chuckles at the other line. “Few blocks away from your apartment.”

“Come back.”

“Should I? You need to be a good boyfriend, hyung,”

A good boyfriend. He needs to be a good boyfriend, but fuck, he’s so spent. He’s just tired. Is it because of Jimin crying his heart out to him? Or realizing that his boyfriend felt so far away and estranged? Or is it because all of those little reasons and sacrifices he had to do, giving away his everything to be a good boyfriend? 

“Taehyungie,” A lump is on Yoongi’s throat, but he forces himself to swallow it. “I need someone.”

Silence fills the other line. Yoongi has to check if Taehyung didn’t end the call a couple of times. It must have been after a couple of moments when Yoongi hears Taehyung say, “Hyung.”

“I’m just really tired, Taehyungie. I know you keep sharing your healing potion with me, but— but it works better when you drink it with me; when you listen and talk to me; when you’re with me,” The thing when you’re overwhelmed with emotions that you try not to show, it hits you harder when they’re finally being felt. That’s how it is with Yoongi: he’s engulfed with all the emotions he’s trying to keep. “I got so used in doing what I think a good boyfriend should do, but you make me want to be good to myself too. Maybe because you know I might push myself to the edge, but I just… I want to breathe right now, Taehyungie.”

“Hyung,” Taehyung’s voice is quiet. “Come on down.”

“Come on down?” Yoongi repeats.

“Yeah, come on. I’m waiting.”

Waiting?

Yoongi runs through the stairs like he’s in a marathon. He needs this, he needs to breathe. Taehyung makes him breathe.

“Taehyungie…” Yoongi stops for a moment before making his way quickly to where Taehyung is standing in front of his apartment complex, engulfing him to the biggest and warmest hug he can come up to.

And, god, suddenly Yoongi’s heart is flying. Hugging Taehyung feels better than breathing; embracing Taehyung makes him feel alive, his heart jumping up and down his chest, his lungs filled with air, his whole being warm with buzzing sunshine.

Taehyung squeezes Yoongi without letting him go. “Better?”

Yoongi nods, eyes close, enjoying the familiar scent of Taehyung. “Much better.”

“I know I give the best hugs.” Taehyung chuckles.

Yoongi squeezes him once before letting go, finding the usual boxy, warm smile that Taehyung always wears. It’s one of Yoongi’s favorite views. “You do.”

Comfortable stillness surrounds them for a while before Taehyung opens his bag and pulled two cartons of strawberry milk, making Yoongi laugh.

“Wanna talk?” Taehyung asks as he offers Yoongi his healing potion.

Yoongi grabs it and stays quiet for a while. Does he want to? No. “I want just want to drink the healing potion.”

Taehyung stares at him intensely yet full of understanding. Yoongi is conflicted if he loves it or it makes him feel raw and naked. It’s just so easy for Yoongi to spill his thoughts to Taehyung.

“Ok then, we’ll hang out creepily here at this hour while drinking our healing potions,” Taehyung smiles widely, taking a seat on the road. Yoongi is about to protest and stop Taehyung from sitting at the dirt when Taehyung patted the space beside him. “Come on, hyung. We’ll just hang out. No talking about anything that’s going to take the effect of our healing potions away.”

Yoongi looks down, a small smile slipping on his lips before he sits at the space. “Ok, then.”

They stay sitting there, the cold air kissing their exposed skin softly, whispering a reminder that autumn will soon be winter. They probably look unusual, but Yoongi is okay with it. He actually finds the pavement and leaning to Taehyung comfortable, so they’re just there sipping from the carton of strawberry boxes.

“You’re ok like this, hyung?” Taehyung asks after a moment or two, making the sound of him sipping from the straw louder.

“Yeah, Taehyungie. I’m ok.” Yoongi smiles, the glow of the moonlight, making everything seem more beautiful than usual, like this moment.

From: Taehyungie

Good morning, yoonie-hyung! I hope you’re feeling ok now.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Hi Taehyungie. Good morning. I feel better now, thanks. I owe you a lot.

From: Taehyungie

It’s fine, hyung. As long as you feel better.

From: Yoonie-hyung

I am. Do you have plans for today?

From: Taehyungie

Nope. Why?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Nothing, really.

From: Taehyungie

Ugh, I thought you were gonna treat me out. Hahaha

From: Yoonie-hyung

In this economy? You must be kidding.

From: Taehyungie

Hey, that’s my line!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah. Haha.

From: Taehyungie

Can’t believe you remember that

From: Yoonie-hyung

You’re not exactly easy to forget.

From: Taehyungie

I’m glad then. It’s sad being forgotten.

From: Yoonie-hyung

I don’t think I’ll ever forget you, though.

From: Taehyungie

Is that a promise? Haha

From: Yoonie-hyung

No, it’s a fact. I know you hate promises.

From: Taehyungie

Oh. You remember that?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Of course, Taehyungie.

From: Taehyungie

You really know that you won’t forget me? No matter what?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah, Taehyungie. You’re unforgettable.

From: Taehyungie

I think I am, but thanks, hyung! Haha

From: Yoonie-hyung

You’re really not. I would know. Who even said that??

From: Taehyungie

Haha. He’s no one hyung!

From: Yoonie-hyung

He’s no one? You better tell me now so I can give him a piece of mind.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung, you’re literally small. You can’t take on kook. Haha

From: Yoonie-hyung

Kook? So his name is Kook. I should give him a piece of mind.

From: Taehyungie

Will you? He’s not even here.

From: Yoonie-hyung

I will still prove that Kim Taehyung is unforgettable.

From: Taehyungie

Haha! You’re so cute. He won’t care, hyung 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

Hm. Is this that Jungkook?

From: Taehyungie

You know kookie?

From: Taehyungie

It’s hobi hyung, isn’t it?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Uhh.

From: Taehyungie

Haha! It’s ok. He’s bound to be mentioned. Yeah, it’s him. What do you know about him?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Nothing, really. Just you were best friends with him alongside Seokjin-hyung?

From: Taehyungie

Oh, yeah. We were. Jinnie-hyung used to take care of Kookie since they were kids! And then I met them when I was in grade school cause Kookie and I were classmates. I got held back a year when I transferred schools.

From: Yoonie-hyung

You must be really close. Where is he now?

From: Taehyungie

Yeah, we used to. 😊 I’m not sure. He moved to New York years ago.

From: Yoonie-hyung

What happened?

From: Taehyungie

When he left? Nothing. Why?

From: Yoonie-hyung

You said you used to be close to him.

From: Taehyungie

Ah well. Should I just tell you everything about it? It’ll be long tho haha

From: Yoonie-hyung

If you want to, I’m here.

From: Taehyungie

Ok then. Haha. Jungkook is my best friend, hyung.

From: Taehyungie

He’s also…  my first love.

From: Yoonie-hyung

First love?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Sorry, go on.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung! Haha. Yeah. I never told him though! We’re best friends, and I like it like that already. But we’re really close. Partner in crime. We usually get in trouble together. I go wherever he goes, do whatever he does. Promised we’ll never leave each other. It’s basically... I am him, and he is me, hyung. Imagine how dependent I was to him. Hahaha

From: Yoonie-hyung

What happened?

From: Taehyungie

He went to New York to study.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Have you talked ever since then?

From: Taehyungie

Not really, hyung. We don’t have contact anymore.

From: Yoonie-hyung

But you were best friends? You promised you won’t leave each other.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Sorry, I'm too nosy. It’s ok if you don’t wanna talk about it, Taehyungie.

From: Taehyungie

It’s ok yoonie-hyung. 

From: Yoonie-hyung

No, it’s okay, Taehyungie. I won’t force you to say anything.

From: Taehyungie

It’s ok. Really. I kinda want to talk about it. I never talked about it even with Seokjinnie-hyung…

From: Taehyungie

Kookie and I… we didn’t part nicely? I was angry at him, hyung. He was this amazing artist that wins in every contest he joins, he got a lot of offer. He promised me he’ll never accept any of it if it means he’ll have to leave. But then he went ahead and left for NY. Hahaha

From: Taehyungie

He didn’t even tell me he was leaving until the day he’s supposed to go aha

From: Taehyungie

Seokjinnie-hyung had to pick me up and drive me to the airport cause Jungkook lied to him and said I knew about it, but made Jinnie-hyung promise not to talk about it because it will upset me.

From: Taehyungie

I just don’t understand… why would he lie? Why did he hide it? Do I look like a selfish person that won’t support him?

From: Taehyungie

Am I a bad person, hyung?

From: Yoonie-hyung

You’re the best person out there, Taehyungie.

From: Taehyungie

But why hasn’t he reached out? It’s been years, hyung. He never reached out to me

From: Taehyungie

I pushed him away, didn’t i?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Taehyungie?

From: Taehyungie

Im such a bad friend hyung

From: Yoonie-hyung

Where are you?

From: Taehyungie

Im home! Why?

Yoongi didn’t mean to rush over to Taehyung’s place, but when he heard the effort from Taehyung’s greeting when he called him earlier, he just thought that he had to go. So now, he’s standing in front of Taehyung’s apartment, the younger staring at him with wide, glassy eyes by the doorway.

“Taehyungie…” Yoongi’s voice trailed off as he watches the younger try so hard to keep a smile until a rich tears start flowing down on his cheeks.

“H-hyung—” The word that left Taehyung’s lips sounds as heavy and heartbreaking as loneliness. Yoongi didn’t have the time to hesitate; he envelops Taehyung with his arms.

They must look odd; both of them standing at the doorway, the cold air of autumn caressing them softly, Taehyung clinging to a person smaller than him, Yoongi holding Taehyung like he wants to protect him from all the sadness and heartbreak of the world.

“I’m s-sorry,” Taehyung sobs.

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong,”

“It’s just that I shouldn’t even be crying. You even ended up coming here.”

Yoongi squeezes Taehyung tight before letting go and guiding him inside the apartment. The younger is just literally wearing a thin sweater and sweatpants, obviously not suitable for the weather. “Shh. It’s ok. Come on, let’s get you warm.”

Yoongi lets him sit on the couch as the younger wipes away his own tears, taking the space beside him. He ran his fingers through Taehyung’s hair, letting it rest at the younger’s nape. Their position is incredibly close, but it felt needed. Yoongi felt needed.

Yoongi brushes his hand on Taehyung’s cheek. “I’m gonna get you water, ok?”

Taehyung lets out a watery sniff. “Thanks, hyung.”

Yoongi offers a small smile before heading out to the kitchen. He’s about to reach for the pitcher of water when he notices boxes of strawberry milk. Healing potions. Yoongi takes it with a grin.

“Hey, strawberry milk!” Yoongi calls out as he returns to the living room. “I got you your healing potion.”

Yoongi hears Taehyung chuckles throatily as if his voice isn’t used to it yet. “You really like calling me strawberry milk?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi plumps beside him and offers the carton of strawberry milk. “It’s good and sweet, and it always cheers me up, like you.”

“Really?”

Yoongi nods. “Yeah.”

Taehyung smiles and takes the drink. Despite that, there’s still this far away look from Taehyung. Like he’s not here.

“What are you thinking?” Yoongi nudges Taehyung, making the younger look.

“I’m thinking… that I must be a bad person,”

“Why?”

“Reasons.”

“Is this about Jungkook?”

A moment passes. “A bit. I’m not very nice.”

Yoongi reaches out to hold Taehyung as he sees the way he looks: as if he got caught red-handed. “You’re a good person, Taehyungie. Maybe you made mistakes before, but our mistakes don’t define us as a good or bad person. It’s how we deal with them and solve them.”

“But…” Yoongi feels warm wetness on his neck where Taehyung hides.

“Shh. It’s Jungkook’s choice he didn’t reach out. Maybe he was scared you’ll still be angry, or he’s guilty of breaking his promises. It’s his choices, and that doesn’t define you, ok?” Yoongi holds the younger tight, moving slowly to a more comfortable cuddling position.

“You think so?” Taehyung asks.

Yoongi nods. “I know so.”

Taehyung pulls away slightly just to look at Yoongi’s face. The younger looks devastatingly good despite the tears the wets his face. It crushes Yoongi’s heart to see Taehyung look like this, so he reaches out and wipes the tears with his thumb.

“I hate seeing you like this,” Yoongi admits.

Taehyung looks down, Yoongi can see thoughts running through the younger’s mind. He doesn't know what kind of ideas they are so he pulls Taehyung into another hug. “Stop thinking.”

“I just… Can I… cuddle?” Taehyung’s voice drips in uncertainty despite clinging to the other.

“Cuddle?”

Taehyung’s face is dusted with red. “Ah, it’s ok if you don’t want to.”

Can Yoongi ever say no? Taehyung isn’t even looking at him, but his heart aches with how Taehyung makes himself small. “Of course, I want to. Where’s your room?”

Taehyung’s face lights up with a smile, immediately standing and intertwining his hand on Yoongi’s. Yoongi discovers he likes it more than he should; that his heart is jumping on his chest. He didn’t say anything, though.

Taehyung’s room is pretty spacious and well-decorated, to say the least. There are varying copies of famous paintings, cute lamps are at the corners, mostly on the headrest of his bed. There are also posters of movies and musical plays that some are familiar with Yoongi. What feels the most Taehyung is how inviting it is.

“Sorry for the mess,” Taehyung looks down at the carpeted floor as he sits at the edge of his bed.

Yoongi follows suit with a chuckle. “You should see my room.”

“I’ll judge it when I see it,” A smile sneaks up on Taehyung’s face, but… it still didn’t reach his eyes. So, Yoongi offers his arms which Taehyung didn’t hesitate to go to.

They keep quiet and stay still, just cuddling. Taehyung hides his face on the crook of Yoongi’s neck, his warm breath creating a sensation on Yoongi’s being that makes the older wants to stay longer. Yoongi’s arms are around Taehyung protectively, holding him close as if he will be the only one who can protect Taehyung from all the heartbreaks. They’re so close that Yoongi is pretty sure Taehyung can hear his heart beating. What’s interesting is Yoongi would want Taehyung to listen to it; to stay; to be this close. It feels so good to have Taehyung in his arms.

Yoongi wouldn’t admit it, but… but he wants to stay here as well.

From: Taehyungie

Good morning, hyung. Sorry for sleeping on you last night. ☹

From: Yoonie-hyung

Hey, Taehyungie. Good morning. It’s ok. You were exhausted. I’m sorry for suddenly leaving, though. Jin-hyung and Hoseok-ah got home, and I received a call from work. Sorry.

From: Taehyungie

Noooo! It’s ok, hyung! I’m still thankful.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Sure. Do you feel better now?

From: Taehyungie

After that good cuddle? Yep! 

From: Yoonie-hyung

Haha. That’s great then. I guess I’m officially your cuddle buddy.

From: Taehyungie

What…  Did you know that I don’t have cuddle buddies anymore? ☹

From: Yoonie-hyung

Guess I finally have a job. A box of strawberry milk per session would suffice.

From: Taehyungie

HYUNG!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Ok, ok. I was just kidding lol

From: Taehyungie

No! You just sent boxes of strawberry milk again. How could you!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Did I do something wrong?

From: Taehyungie

YOU MADE ME SO HAPPY. THANK YOU HYUNG

From: Yoonie-hyung

Hahaha that’s good then. Drink lots of that and be happy. I like you happy.

From: Taehyungie

Really?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah. But it’s ok if you’ll be sad sometimes, too. I have to defend my title as your cuddle buddy.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung! Hahaha. I’ll make sure I’ll get some of your cuddles then.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Good then. Glad to have business with ya

From: Taehyungie

Hyung! Hahaha. Thanks for this, hyung.

From: Yoonie-hyung

You’re always welcome, Taehyungie

From: Taehyungie

You’re the best 😊

From: Taehyungie

Rehearsals! I’ll text you later on my break, hyung

From: Yoonie-hyung

Sure, Taehyungie. Have fun.

From: Taehyungie

<3

From: Taehyungie

DID YOU DRAW THIS?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Draw what? Hi, Taehyungie.

From: Taehyungie

Hi, hyung! 😊 I RECEIVED A SKETCH OF MYSELF.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Oh, did you just see it? Yeah, I got some free time for a few days.

From: Taehyungie

IT’S AMAZING HYUNG

From: Taehyungie

YOU ARE AMAZING HOLY SHIT

From: Taehyungie

WHY ARE YOU SO AMAZING YOU MAKE ME LOOK SO GOOD

From: Yoonie-hyung

Taehyungie, you always look good?

From: Taehyungie

Shut up!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Are we really going to ignore the fact that you are handsome as hell and was sculpted by the gods?

From: Taehyungie

SHUT UP

From: Yoonie-hyung

I mean, I’m just telling the truth?

From: Taehyungie

ANYWAY, thanks, hyung. You always make my day great 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

Do I?

From: Taehyungie

Yes, very much. Thank you 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

I’m glad then. You always make my day better too.

From: Taehyungie

You really are the best. This is so great, hyung!

From: Yoonie-hyung

You like it that much? Haha

From: Taehyungie

I LOVE IT! I’m gonna hang it in my room!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Cute. Make sure to show me when you hang it.

From: Taehyungie

Come by tomorrow, I’ll hang it when you arrive.

From: Yoonie-hyung

It’s a date then.

From: Taehyungie

See you!

“Can’t believe you really drew me,” Taehyung chuckles as he hangs the framed sketch that Yoongi made. “This is the first time I got something like this. It’s crazy.”

Yoongi leans back at Taehyung’s bed. “It’s not the best, but I think I did justice to your looks.”

“Justice? Hyung, you drew me perfectly!” Taehyung walks up to him with springs on his feet. “You’re amazing.”

Yoongi pulls Taehyung to make him sit beside him, itching to feel the younger’s warmth and sunshine. “You make me feel amazing; that I’m amazing.”

“Hm,” Taehyung’s face fills with pondering. “Well, from all Joonie-hyung’s stories about you and my experience after being your friend, I’d say you’re the best.”

Yoongi chuckles, floating from Taehyung’s words. Somehow, it’s so easy for him to believe the younger. “Are you for real?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung offers a smile that could chase any heartache. “You’re the gentlest person I know, hyung. You’re the sweetest, you’re kind. You’re full of love. You do your best in everything, hyung. You always say the right words to calm others. You never hesitate to be there for someone, and you never make them feel alone. You’re usually quiet and soft, but I think you love the loudest and the hardest. You give your all, and you don’t often ask for much. You’re the best, Yoonie-hyung.”

Yoongi wants to melt from Taehyung’s words. They have so much intensity and conviction, and it doesn’t help that Taehyung looks at him like he’s looking through his very soul. Yoongi sits there in front of Taehyung with his heart attempting to escape from his chest and go to Taehyung’s hands.

“I really am not the best, Taehyungie, but you make me want to be,” Yoongi looks down at their hands that are inches away from touching each other. Yoongie ached to just move it a little closer.

“Now, who said that you’re not the best?”

Yoongi shrugs, his mind swaying on the gentleness of Taehyung’s voice. “I don’t know…”

Taehyung places his hand on Yoongi’s chin to make him lookup. “I really mean it when I say you’re the best.”

Yoongi finds himself lost in the deep eyes of Taehyung, his breath being stolen and his heart is taken. It doesn’t help that Taehyung is looking at him in a daze and full of wonder. Because, god, Taehyung seems to be a work of art himself, especially this up close.

“Taehyungie…” Yoongi says softly, afraid to break the spell holding them together even though he doesn’t have an idea what he should do other than to stare at the stars in Taehyung’s eyes and at the invitation of Taehyung’s lips.

“Hyung…” Taehyung seems to be as distracted as Yoongi, eyes glued to the inquisitiveness that is Yoongi.

They’re just so close, their breath warm on each other’s face, making both their hearts flutter with so many possibilities, so many questions. How would it feel to touch Taehyung’s lips? What would Yoongi taste like? They just want to know; they just want to answer the curiosity that their hearts are whispering like the devil.

“We c-can’t,” Taehyung whispers, his voice weak. “Jimin.”

“Jimin?” Yoongi repeats with a voice as soft.

Yoongi freezes, realization dawning into him what he’s doing. Jimin. His boyfriend.

Yoongi immediately pulls back and grips his hair, whirlwind of emotions taking over him. What the fuck is he doing? He got a boyfriend. Taehyung is just a close friend, so why the hell is he regretting that he didn’t kiss Taehyung? He should be guilty because he already got Jimin.

“Hyung…”

“I’m— I’m sorry. I need to go,” Yoongi tries to look at Taehyung, but quickly stopped himself when he saw the pained longing on the younger’s face. Or maybe it’s just him projecting to Taehyung. Yoongi’s not sure; he’s confused as hell.

Taehyung didn’t stop him, which is better because Yoongi knows he would have stayed if Taehyung asked him to. That thought alone is breaking through his rationality. He shouldn’t be like this, he had a boyfriend. Fine, they haven’t talked in a while, but that doesn’t change anything.

Or does it? Because Jimin feels so far away.

“Hey, hyung,” Namjoon greets Yoongi as he packs some of his stuff for work. Namjoon got home a few days ago, but this is the first time they saw each other since Yoongi is staying with Jimin. “Haven’t seen you in a while. You ok?”

Yoongi stares at the drafting paper he’s holding for a moment before he faces Namjoon. “Yeah, sorry for going MIA. Work is a lot.”

Namjoon leans at the doorway of Yoongi’s room, his hands in his pockets and a cheeky smile on his face. “Yeah, it’s okay. The gang is just asking about you. You didn’t tell me you always hang out with them while I was gone, and to think I was worried about you.”

“The gang?” Yoongi repeats, trying hard to control his facial expression as his thoughts drift to Taehyung.

“Yeah. I think they miss you. Tae is particularly down.”

Yoongi immediately faces Namjoon at the mention of Taehyung. “What happened?”

“With Tae? I don’t know. He says he’s just tired from all their rehearsals.”

Yoongi hums and avoids Namjoon’s stare. He knows there’s a big chance that it’s because of him and it’s making him feel bad. It’s just… every time he tries to reach out, his heart jumps out of his chest.

“Are you still going to stay with Jimin?” Namjoon asks as he watches Yoongi wear his shoes. “Since Seokjin-hyung invited us for dinner.”

Yoongi’s whole being aches to go, but he couldn’t. “Nah, I promised Jimin I’ll stay,” Yoongi smiles and pats Namjoon’s back before heading out to the door. “Just say hi for me, ok?”

“Ok,” Namjoon shrugs. “See you, hyung. Say hi to Jimin for me.”

Yoongi waves as an acknowledgement as he steps out to the night and into his car that’s waiting for him in front. He doesn’t usually drive, but lately, he’s not keen on interacting with people. They feel too heavy for his heart.

The drive back to Jimin’s place contains silence and Yoongi’s thoughts of Taehyung. They haven’t talked or messaged each other ever since that whole mess in Taehyung’s room, but that doesn’t mean that Taehyung left Yoongi’s mind. He’s guilty to admit that he had only been thinking about Taehyung the whole time he’s with Jimin. That’s probably why they haven’t talked about anything even though Yoongi know they should, like how they didn’t reach out to each other after Jimin’s breakdown or the reason why Jimin had a breakdown. Yoongi knows they’re both dancing around their issues, but he also knows that everything will change once they address everything they need to.

“I’m back,” Yoongi announces once he enters Jimin’s place. He finds his boyfriend staring at nothingness.

Jimin doesn’t respond, just watching as Yoongi places all his things at the coffee table. They really have been just quiet around each other. Jimin doesn’t even argue anymore, but… but there’s always a faraway look in his eyes.

Yoongi drifts to the kitchen to get something to drink while his mind imagines the dinner that his friends and Taehyung must be having now. They always have been fun, especially since Seokjin never lets a dull moment pass them by. There’s always a reason to laugh and to enjoy with them, even if they’re just chatting with one another. Yoongi really likes it there.

“Hyung?” Yoongi looks up to the small voice of Jimin. He finds him leaning to the countertop and staring at him. Yoongi hums in acknowledgement, so Jimin continues. “Should we just move in together?”

It takes a moment for Yoongi to react. “What?”

Jimin walks towards Yoongi and places his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders, attempting to be closer. “Let’s move in together. I can’t lose you.”

“Jimin—” Yoongi starts, but before he can say anything, Jimin’s lips are on his.

They’re still soft, sweet with a hint of Jimin’s gloss. It’s all familiar as it should. Will Taehyung’s be more heavenly?

Taehyung.

Yoongi gently untangles himself from Jimin and pulls him into a hug to hide his face. He can’t do this. He can’t kiss Jimin when his thoughts are on Taehyung’s lips; his wide smile that never fails to make him warm; his eyes that hold the stars in the universe; his voice that makes his heart flutter in relief; his thoughts are on Taehyung, and Yoongi can’t stop thinking about him.

“I need you, hyung.” Jimin whispers.

Yoongi swallows the lump on his throat. He needs to breathe. “I’ll think about it. You know I can’t just leave Namjoon.”

Jimin is quiet for a moment, probably debating if he should speak up against it or not. In the end, Jimin lets it go and just smiles at Yoongi. “Ok, then.”

Yoongi half-smiles and lets go of Jimin. “I’m… going to get some air.”

He didn’t wait for Jimin’s response anymore, and instead, Yoongi strides to the main door and immediately steps out of Jimin’s place. He can breathe, but it feels like there’s no air. He needs to see Taehyung.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Where are you?

From: Taehyungie

Hyung? Did something happen?

From: Yoonie-hyung

I need you.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung…

From: Yoonie-hyung

Please.

From: Taehyungie

Go quickly. I just told them I’m getting us snacks.

[Location]

From: Yoonie-hyung

Wait for me. Please.

Yoongi pulls up in front of a convenience store where Taehyung waits for him. He didn’t even turn the car’s engine off; he just stepped out of his car and ran to Taehyung, touching him once, and never wanting to let go.

“Hyung,” Taehyung’s voice is gentle, and his arms are tight around Yoongi.

“Please stay with me,” Yoongi whispers as he clings to Taehyung like he’s his dear life. At this point, maybe he is. Taehyung is the reason why Yoongi had himself together. “Please.”

“Hyung, look at me,” Taehyung replies.

Yoongi pulls back to look into Taehyung’s eyes. How can someone look at him with such pain and longing? It’s what he sees in Taehyung. Is he hurting him? He’d never want to hurt him. Please. His whole being just wants to be with Taehyung.

“You’ll regret this,” Yoongi closes his eyes as he listens to Taehyung’s broken voice. “You will hate me for making you into someone you’re not.”

Taehyung’s words are daggers into his heart. “Really? Because I feel the best of me when I’m with you.”

“You just think that.”

“I’m happier with you,” Yoongi brushes Taehyung’s cheeks, hoping to comfort the storm behind the younger’s eyes. “I want you. I want to make you happier too.”

Taehyung pauses. “But… Jimin.”

Jimin. Yoongi’s heart is being torn apart at the thought of him. Yoongi knows he should feel horrible, he should be guilty because Jimin doesn’t deserve this. But, Yoongi is at the point where he needs to keep himself together where he needs to choose himself first. He had given and spread himself so thin already that he’s going to break soon.

“I’ll talk to him. I just can’t lose you, Tae,” Yoongi’s mind is already rushing with plans on how he will break it down to Jimin that he can’t do this anymore.

“But…” Taehyung’s voice trails off, eyes avoiding Yoongi’s.

Yoongi sighs and pulls back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scare you.”

Taehyung shakes his head. “You didn’t, hyung.”

It’s quiet for a moment, Yoongi watching Taehyung with the glow coming from the convenience store. Yoongi’s torn from his guilt to Jimin, and he’s longing to hold the person in front of him.

“At least tell me how you feel.” Yoongi places his hands inside his pockets to keep himself from reaching out.

“How I…” Taehyung looks up to meet his eyes. There’s something warm with the way Taehyung looks at him. “I hate that I can’t stay with you longer.”

“Is that good…?”

Taehyung lets out a chuckle that admittedly sounds sad to their ears. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be selfish, especially since I know I shouldn’t be. You make me happy, hyung.”

“Can’t we be selfish if it means we can heal?” Yoongi asks.

“Can selfishness heal?” Taehyung replies. The question makes Yoongi pause. What’s right and wrong in healing? Is it worth to lose yourself to avoid breaking others? Is it worth hurting others to mend your wounds? Why is it so complicated?

Yoongi takes a deep breath and inches away. He needs to respect whatever Taehyung wants to, and right now, the younger seems to need to think. “I guess it depends. I’ll give you space, Taehyungie.”

“Hyung…”

“I hope you’ll let me use myself to make you happier,” Yoongi smiles before turning around to his car. “See you.”

“Wait—” Yoongi stops when Taehyung reaches out for him. He looks back just to see the younger slightly panicking. “Hyung, don’t go.”

“Tae—”

Yoongi finds himself frozen with Taehyung’s lips at the corner of his own. He didn’t expect that the younger will do such thing, especially after watching him hesitate about everything they could be. Although it’s not the kiss he longs and is curious about, it still drives his stomach crazy with butterflies.

Yoongi almost whimpers when Taehyung pulls away, his face dusted with red. The younger just smiles and starts walking backwards slowly. “I had to. The curiosity was killing me,” he calls out to Yoongi. “But you need to sort it out.”

Yoongi watches, a small smile forming on his face. Trust Taehyung to make him do what he should do.

From: Jimin baby

Hyung? What time will you be home?

From: Yoongi-hyung

Hey, Jimin. I’ll have to stay and finish something at work, sorry.

From: Jimin baby

Okay.

From: Jimin baby

Please get some rest too.

From: Yoongi-hyung

Yeah, thank you. You too, ok? Make sure to keep warm. It’s cold at night.

From: Jimin baby

Okay hyung.

From: Jimin baby

I’m sorry, hyung.

From: Yoongi-hyung

For what?

From: Jimin baby

Nothing. Goodnight.

From: Yoongi-hyung

Jimin

From: Yoongi-hyung

I’m sorry too.

It has been almost a week since Yoongi met Taehyung that night. Although they do send a few messages here and there, Yoongi tries hard to give Taehyung space that they both need. Yoongi still hasn’t been able to talk to Jimin. It’s like something always comes up whenever Yoongi tries. First, Jimin had to take extra time at work. Then, he reasons out he’s too tired, and he just wants to cuddle with Yoongi. The last time Yoongi tried, Jimin twisted his ankle and would like to rest instead. Despite that, Jimin seems clingy to Yoongi, always telling the older that he’s the best thing that happened to his life and that Jimin can’t lose him. It’s crushing Yoongi’s heart steadily. He’s actually surprised that his guilt hasn’t driven him to the edge. He’s guilty of falling for Taehyung when he’s still with Jimin; guilty of staying with Jimin when his mind and heart are with Taehyung; he’s guilty of making Jimin hold on into something that’s already lost.

Yoongi sighs as he stares at the snacks that Jimin left at their office. The younger dropped by quickly earlier for a surprise visit to Yoongi, bringing some doughnuts with him. It’s sweet, yes, but it only pains Yoongi. He can see that Jimin is trying. It’s only a little too late, though. Yoongi doesn’t know when it happened, but… Jimin already lost Yoongi before they both realized. Was it when Jimin made Yoongi push away his friends? Or was it when happiness became so hard to achieve because they spend more time arguing? Maybe it’s when Taehyung came into the picture.

The realization that he now can find so many faults make Yoongi’s heart cold. He knows he can find millions of reasons to justify what’s happening, but it doesn’t make it right. He knows. But breaking someone’s heart isn’t as easy as thinking about it. Yoongi could have forced Jimin to listen to him, but there is a whisper on his brain that wants to avoid the pain he knows he will cause.

Yoongi sighs after he hears his phone beeps. He reaches out to it and finds a message from Namjoon.

From: Namjoon-ah

Hey, hyung! Dinner at Seokjin-hyung’s café if you’re free later. You should come by. I just met their friend Jungkook. He’s pretty cool.

Yoongi pauses at the name. Jungkook?

From: Yoongi-hyung

Jungkook is there?

From: Namjoon-ah

You know Jungkook? Yeah, he just got back! Surprised Seokjin-hyung and everything. Oh, don’t tell Taehyung about him yet. He’s planning to surprise him when he arrives. I’m not sure if they told you, but Seokjin-hyung took care of Jungkook and Taehyung, so they all grew up together until Jungkook moved to New York to study. Ah, that reminds me. I mentioned that you draw too. He’s excited to meet you.

From: Yoongi-hyung

Jungkook is waiting for Taehyung?

From: Namjoon-ah

Yeah. Seokjin-hyung said Tae’s on his way home, so you better come here fast if you want to join us.

From: Yoongi-hyung

I’ll be there in a few.

Yoongi arrives at the footstep of Seokjin’s café just in time before Taehyung appears by the corner. Namjoon pulls him to the café immediately before he can even process what’s happening. The store is apparently closed for the day already. Inside, he finds Seokjin and Hoseok sitting casually at the middle where tables are pushed to form a larger one that’s currently holding a lot of dishes. Seokjin really let himself let loose and just cooked. Namjoon pats his back and walks to his chair while Yoongi looks around as he makes his way to his own. Where’s Jungkook?

“Hey!” The familiar voice of Taehyung echoed cheerily, joining the chatter in the air, and the music playing in the background. “I’m here. What’s up with the sudden dinner date?”

“Nice,” Namjoon offers a hand for a high five to the approaching Taehyung, which he accepted. “I was getting hungry.”

Taehyung giggles before settling at the chair between him and Namjoon. Their eyes meet immediately, causing Yoongi to break into a soft smile. He missed the sunshine that Taehyung is through the days they didn’t meet.

“Hi, Yoonie-hyung,” Taehyung’s smile is as warm as he is.

Yoongi smiles back, attempting to reach for Taehyung’s hand under the table. He finds it and holds it dearly, causing Taehyung to smile wider. “Hi, Taehyungie.”

“What are we waiting for? Let’s eat!” Hoseok whines without even waiting for them, reaching out to one of the dishes and making Seokjin coo in fondness. On the other hand, Namjoon is just staring at them with a practiced distaste on his face, teasing the couple.

“I wouldn’t stick to these cheesy people if Seokjin-hyung’s cooking isn’t good, to be honest,” Namjoon teases loudly while filling up his plate. “They’re so in love I feel the single life burning through me.”

“You get your own baby, then,” Seokjin rolls his eyes and stands up, making the others lookup. “Oh, relax. I forgot to bring in the drinks.”

Digging on his own pile of food, Yoongi tunes in to the conversation between Taehyung and Namjoon, both debating whether the character the Taehyung plays is just so deeply in love with his partner or he’s a full-on psychotic behind a mask. Although Yoongi isn’t knowledgeable about plays, he’s caught up on the reasons and arguments of each party.

“Though I admit that I agree with Christine choosing Raoul, the Phantom’s character was romanticized a bit,” Namjoon waves his free hand since the other is holding chopsticks. There are some sauce dribbling on his chin, but he’s so engrossed with his conversation.

Taehyung chews his food with a pout, causing a smile on Yoongi’s face. “Wasn’t that the whole point of Christine thinking Phantom was her Angel of Music though? If you ask me, I think they used Christine to romanticize and plant the idea that obsession and love can make someone stay.”

“What’s with this musical?” Hoseok watches them with interest. “All I know about Phantom of the Opera was he’s living in an opera house. Isn’t that your role?”

Taehyung chuckles, the sound so pleasing on Yoongi’s ears. He squeezes the younger’s hand slightly before letting it go, causing the younger to catch his breath. “Uhm. Yeah, I’m phantom. He’s… well… a very passionate and complicated man?”

“He’s a whole psycho that killed people,” Namjoon answers, making them all laugh at Taehyung’s attempt.

“It sucks that you’ll have to hide your pretty face for your role, though,” an unfamiliar voice behind them makes Taehyung freeze and quickly turns around with a squeak. Yoongi follows all their gaze and looks behind him.

Jungkook?

“Kookie!” The question on Yoongi’s mind gets answered after seeing Taehyung launch himself to hold Jungkook on his arms. “You’re here!”

Yoongi watches as the other guy envelops Taehyung, swinging them slightly. “I missed you so much, hyung! New York’s bright lights could never beat your smile.”

Smile? What?

“I can’t believe you’re home!” Happiness laces Taehyung’s voice, inviting a frown on Yoongi’s face. He had never seen Taehyung this happy, and although he loves seeing the younger happy, Yoongi doesn’t like the prickly sensation that’s creeping on his heart.

Yoongi continues watching as both untangle themselves from each other, delight never leaving them as they take their respective seats. Taehyung is enthusiastic as Jungkook places his chair between Namjoon and Taehyung.

“Since we’re all now complete, let’s all just have fun!” Hoseok’s bright smile lights up the table more, particularly when Seokjin holds his free hand and giving it a peck.

The chatter that didn’t actually die starts getting louder, especially since Jungkook managed to start up a conversation with Taehyung and Namjoon.

“Yeah, their art program was amazing! I’m also taking up film making courses. It’s interesting how you can mix courses together.” Jungkook tells Namjoon. “My instructor let me use painting as a style in animation. Kind of like Loving Vincent.”

 “Oh! Yoonie-hyung paints, Kookie!” Taehyung suddenly exclaims before looking at Yoongi with a wide smile. “He’s good in doing sketches as well.”

Yoongi offers a shy smile while watching Taehyung’s fond look. Yoongi’s not sure what he feels with Jungkook, but he wants to just focus on Taehyung. Sure, there’s a lot of difficulty going on, but Yoongi is confident that his growing feelings for Taehyung aren’t complicated.

“Yoonie-hyung?” Jungkook’s eyes meet Yoongi’s and give a polite smile that somehow, made Yoongi slightly annoyed. He doesn’t like why he feels bothered with the politeness that the younger is showing. “I’m Jungkook! Namjoon-hyung mentioned about you earlier. I’d love to see your works.”

“Yoongi,” He corrects while trying not to show any emotions. “Awesome, but I’m sure mine won’t be as great as yours since you study about it.”

“I doubt it if Tae-tae hyung said that you’re good,” Jungkook winks at Taehyung, making him giggle. Yoongi forces a smile, unsure how he should react. “If he says it, then it must be true.”

“Yah, stop being whipped to Tae and start eating!” Seokjin interrupts, making others laugh with the tone of his voice. “I made that for you, and you’re just going to ignore it? You’re really gonna start disrespecting your Seokjin-hyung as soon as you see Tae? I can’t believe this. Where did I go wrong?”

Hoseok reaches out and squeezes Seokjin’s hand to stop him from his amusing ‘rap’. They all know that Seokjin is teasing, but it’s never not funny seeing him go red from ranting. Yoongi just wishes he’s not feeling so far away from them.

They continue to joke around, throwing some bickering once in a while. It’s evident that Jungkook is feeling at home, and Taehyung is warmer than usual. Or maybe it’s just Yoongi, thinking that Taehyung won’t be this welcoming to the person that left him with broken promises. It also adds that Yoongi’s having a battle with himself on why he shouldn’t be so blue when Taehyung is the kind that will not hold a grudge against someone.

As acid attempts to climb on his chest in searing heat, Yoongi finds excusing himself to head to the bathroom. He didn’t like how Jungkook moved closer to Taehyung to whisper something. Yoongi wanted to say something then, but he knows if he did something out of the usual, their friends would ask. Even if he wants to tell them how much he likes Taehyung, Yoongi is aware that it’s not the right time.

Yoongi leans to the sink, staring at his reflection. He feels… detached, unfocused. He had been floating lately. His mind troubled in what he should be doing regarding his relationship with Jimin and Taehyung. He knows he’s wrong, but he’s… he’s into the deep already. He had grown far too fond of Taehyung that stopping himself hurts more. But it’s not easy to break someone’s heart like how he needs to do with Jimin.

Yoongi sighs and closes his eyes.

“Hyung?” Taehyung’s voice made Yoongi’s eyes snap open. He finds the younger watching him from the mirror, his eyes showing concern. “Are you ok?”

“Taehyungie,” Yoongi turns around and asks for Taehyung’s hands, which he gives. Yoongi holds them dearly. “I’m ok now.”

“What happened?”

Yoongi shrugs, his eyes on their hands together. “I just… I’m not just good with new people.”

Taehyung raises his eyebrow before moving closer to try and catch Yoongi’s eyes. He did it quite successfully when he places his hand on Yoongi’s chin and lifts it. Taehyung is studying him. How can Yoongi hide when Taehyung can always see right through him?

“You did nicely with me,” Taehyung softly says.

Yoongi huffs a laugh. Their meeting isn’t rainbows and sunshine. “Did you forget I had an anxiety attack then?”

Taehyung half-smiles. “Not really, but you talked and listened to me. You’re not doing that to Kookie. Is there something wrong?”

Kookie. Yoongi hums while he shakes his head, ignoring the fire starting to ignite more painfully on his chest. It’s like every time Taehyung shows fondness to Jungkook, the pain increases. 

“It’s… nothing. I’m just being ridiculous.” Yoongi attempts a smile, hoping that Taehyung will believe him. He seems to have not with the way his lips went tight.

“You’re not if it’s affecting you,” Taehyung squeezes the hand he was still holding. “Tell me. Please, hyung?”

Can Yoongi win over Taehyung’s wide, pleading eyes? 

“I’m… not… enjoying how he’s… so close with you,” Yoongi looks down, unable to meet Taehyung’s eyes. Now, he really feels like a kid. “I know you’re best friends and all, but… but he left you, Taehyungie. He broke his promise and hid secrets. How can he be just… that? It’s like he never did those and broke your heart. He keeps touching you and being close. Can’t he keep his hands to himself?”

Taehyung stares at him for a moment before chuckling softly. “He’s… apologizing that way, hyung. He knows what he did, and he’s trying to make up for it. I know I should be angry at him, but I understand him better now. He had to do it. Besides, if he didn’t I won’t grow up. ”

“But… he keeps touching you.” Yoongi grimaces, aware of how he sounds now.

“Hyung… are you jealous?” Yoongi looks away from Taehyung when the younger tries to look at him in the eyes.

“Should I be?” Yoongi mutters.

Taehyung takes a deep breath, his hands moving to cup Yoongi’s cheeks and ultimately making their eyes meet. One of the things that Yoongi loves about Taehyung is his eyes having so much power over him. They are just so… deep and captivating, like an ocean calling him to swim and lose himself in the waves.

“Should you, hyung? When you’re the person I see, but it breaks me slowly how I have to remind myself to have control?” They’re so close, Taehyung’s hands gentle on Yoongi’s face, enchanting them to stay put in such small distance. “I could literally kiss you right now, hyung, but I remember Jimin when I try to. I start thinking a lot. Do you still kiss him? Do you hold him close, act like there’s nothing wrong? Do you tell him you love him even though you promised me you’d take your heart from him and give it to me?”

“Tae…” Yoongi breathes. Taehyung is looking at him with such intensity and longing that Yoongi just wants to be closer.

“Should I just do it, hyung? Kiss you so when he does, you’ll remember me? Hold you close, touch you in places where you’ll always be reminded of me? Should I chase him away from your mind and heart that you won’t stop thinking of me when you two are together?” Taehyung’s voice is bittersweet, quickly making Yoongi want more despite the guilt embracing his being. “I can do it, hyung. You’re already jealous of Kookie. Should I be more selfish and push you to your limits? Because you’re reacting like this, and yet I sometimes think about the things you and Jimin do.”

But before Yoongi can react, Taehyung pulls away, losing the pained longing and intensity that he had just a few moments ago. It confuses Yoongi, feeling the whiplash of Taehyung’s quick ahold of himself.

“Taehyungie…” Yoongi tries to reach out, but Taehyung is already on his way out.

“You can be jealous, hyung. I’d like you to, I think,” Taehyung chuckles as if earlier was just a dream. “But while we’re in this situation where you’re cheating on him, and I’m only at the sideline hiding, we really can’t do anything about it.”

Yoongi watches as Taehyung leaves him stunned. They never really said anything before about their… situation. But not talking about it and only acting to it doesn’t make it less bad. Yoongi knows, and he badly wants to do something about it. It’s just so hard, especially when Jimin looks at him with sad, knowing eyes while telling him he can’t lose him. How can Yoongi make Jimin realize that what they have is already gone?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Hi, Taehyungie. Do you want to grab dinner after your rehearsals?

From: Taehyungie

Hi, hyung! Hm. I’m not sure. Kookie wants to do a date night.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Ah, is that so? Why didn’t you tell me?

From: Taehyungie

I forgot, sorry, hyung.

From: Yoonie-hyung

It’s ok. I’ll just get some overtime at work. How about tomorrow?

From: Taehyungie

That’d be awesome, hyung! Are you sure?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Of course, I’m sure. Why?

From: Taehyungie

I just thought you wouldn’t want us to be in public too much.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Oh. I just want you to have fun, though. Do you have anything in mind that we should do?

From: Taehyungie

How about a movie night?

From: Yoonie-hyung

I’m ok with that. Where?

From: Taehyungie

Well, Kookie’s staying with us. Your place?

From: Yoonie-hyung

Jungkook is staying at your place?

From: Taehyungie

Yeah, we were all roommates even before so Jinnie-hyung just invited Kookie instead of letting him waste money staying at a hotel.

From: Taehyungie

Should we just go to the cinema? But I want to cuddle with you.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Oh.

From: Yoonie-hyung

No, no. It’ll be fine. I think Namjoon won’t be home next weekend. We’ll have to wait until then, though.

From: Taehyungie

It’s ok, hyung! See you.

From: Yoonie-hyung

See you, strawberry milk.

From: Yoonie-hyung

You didn’t tell me you’re going out with Jungkook tonight.

From: Taehyungie

How did you know? We are with Jinnie-hyung too.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Yeah… I saw his post on Instagram.

From: Taehyungie

Oh, yeah. Kookie asked for a night out. It’s just me, him, and Jinnie-hyung.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Ah. Have fun, Taehyungie.

From: Taehyungie

Thank you, hyung.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Good morning, Taehyungie! Should I pick you up and drop you at work?

From: Taehyungie

Good morning hyung! Sure, but what if someone sees?

From: Yoonie-hyung

It’ll be fine.

From: Taehyungie

If you say so, then. I’ll wait for you at the convenience store near our place. 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

See you, strawberry milk. 😊

From: Yoonie-hyung

I’m gonna start picking you up after work. Is that ok?

From: Taehyungie

I guess?

From: Yoonie-hyung

You’re not sure?

From: Taehyungie

Hyung! It’s not that. Haha. Aren’t you tired of work? And you’ve been dropping me off at work every day already.

From: Yoonie-hyung

I thought you didn’t want me to do it.

From: Taehyungie

Of course, I want to, hyung.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Great, then. I’ll see you later?

From: Taehyungie

Ah, maybe tomorrow? I’m gonna grab dinner with Kookie later.

From: Yoonie-hyung

What about me? We haven’t been spending a lot of time lately. He lives with you.

From: Taehyungie

Hyung...

From: Yoonie-hyung

No, I guess it’s okay. He’s your best friend. I should be able to understand.

From: Taehyungie

Hyuuuuung.

From: Yoonie-hyung

It’s ok, Taehyungie. Have fun!

From: Taehyungie

No, hyung. I cancelled with Kookie so you can pick me up later.

From: Yoonie-hyung

Are you sure?

From: Taehyungie

Yep!

From: Yoonie-hyung

Ah, you’re so cute. See you later.

From: Taehyungie

See you!

“It’s just me, right?” Yoongi holds Taehyung closer, the movie they chose playing in the background. They are currently in Yoongi’s room, supposedly watching a movie but ended up cuddling at the older’s bed. They’ve been together for about an hour already, stealing moments when they both know they aren’t supposed to be together.

Taehyung looks up and meets his anxious eyes. “Of course, hyung. Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know… You’re… perfect. I’m just me. You can have anyone,” Yoongi traces a line on Taehyung’s face gently, watching his wide, sparkling eyes. “Sometimes I ask myself why did you choose me when there are people out there who won’t give you a complicated love.”

Taehyung shifts, pushing himself up, so he gets a better and closer view to Yoongi’s face. “I’m not perfect, hyung. You just made me want to be the best of what I think I am. I know this is complicated, but you have a lot in you that made me like you and risk this.”

“Like?”

Sitting up properly on the bed, Taehyung leans closer to Yoongi, placing himself on the older’s chest, feeling Yoongi’s heartbeat. “You love hard. I know that; I feel that.”

“Others can love you like that. Jungkook can,” Yoongi avoids Taehyung’s deep gaze. He always gives in when Taehyung looks at him like he holds all the stars in the universe. It’s one of his favorite things about Taehyung, but it makes him long for the younger more.

Surprisingly, Taehyung let’s out a soft chuckle. “Is this about Kookie? We’re just friends.”

Yoongi hums, unconvinced. Maybe it’s his demon, or maybe it’s that guilt, but Yoongi knows he’s going to carry it for a long time. “We’re friends too,” Yoongi whispers as if he didn’t want Taehyung to hear him. Of course, Taehyung does.

“Hyung…” Taehyung sighs deeply. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Yoongi shakes his head and reaches out to Taehyung, pulling him into his arms and holding him tighter. It’s the way Taehyung can make his heart calmer, and his whole being feel better by just being there is something that Yoongi will always treasure.

“Can we just stay like this?” Yoongi places a light kiss on Taehyung’s forehead.

“We can, hyung,” Taehyung settles himself comfortably. “But you know we will have to talk about it soon.”

Yoongi didn’t answer anymore. He knows they need to talk about it, especially if he wants to keep Taehyung and this feeling. He’ll have to break Jimin’s heart and do precisely what Jimin had always feared: leave him. Is Yoongi too selfish? Maybe. After all, how could you intentionally break a heart?

Yoongi watches Jimin humming enthusiastically while he cooks. He’s really doing this, he’s going to break up with Jimin. It had been two years since they officially dated. A lot has happened already, and they have changed so much. But this kind of change is the one that Yoongi didn’t expect to happen. After all, who wants to fall out of love?

This isn’t exactly how Yoongi planned on doing it. He wanted to be gentle to Jimin, make sure he isn’t going to do anything reckless, but… Yoongi needs to do it now. He can’t risk losing Taehyung with all his stalling.

It’s not that Taehyung is forcing him to break up with Jimin. On the contrary, Taehyung is more than willing to give him time, saying he understands that it’s not easy to break a heart. But when Yoongi realized that Taehyung is hanging out a lot with Jungkook, he got so scared. What if Taehyung starts to like Jungkook again? Yoongi knows that despite what happened before, Jungkook still has a place in Taehyung’s heart. He can see the fondness in Taehyung’s eyes whenever Jungkook is involved. It doesn’t help that Jungkook is a great guy as well. As much as Yoongi wants to hate the kid, he’s nice and thoughtful. He does his best to befriend new people in the circle of Seokjin and Taehyung’s friends.

“Hyung? Are you ok?” Jimin calls out as he prepares the table for dinner.

Yoongi feels his heart jump to his throat, making him unable to speak for a moment. He swallows it and looks at Jimin. This is going to be it. “Hey, Jimin… can we talk?”

Jimin stares at him with a blank look, all hint of sweetness gone. “Can’t we talk on a different day? I just want to eat, hyung.”

“Jimin, please…” Yoongi needs to do it. It’s either Taehyung or Jimin, and Yoongi is at the point where he can’t lose Taehyung.

Jimin continues placing the food he prepared on the table, profusely ignoring Yoongi’s attempts. “I also got some ice cream. Figured we can watch marathon some movies. I know we haven’t done this in a while, and I’m sure it’s my fault because I keep arguing with you and getting busy at work and everything, so I want to make it up—”

“Jimin, I’m breaking up with you.”

Jimin freezes, plates slipping out of his hand and falling to the floor. Silence envelops them like a blanket, suffocating them still.

“Jimin!” Yoongi tries to reach out when he realizes that Jimin is shaking slightly.

“Hyung! Don’t move, you’ll hurt yourself,” Jimin chuckles shakily, continuing as if Yoongi didn’t just tell him the words he never wanted to hear. “Wait for me, I’ll clean this up.”

Yoongi stares at Jimin while his own heart breaks similarly to those plates. “Jimin… we need to talk. I want us to end this properly.”

“Stop, please,” Jimin pleads in a small voice. He’s standing in the middle of the dining room, surrounded by broken glasses. “I d-don’t want to talk about this, hyung.”

“Jimin,” Slight panic is rising on Yoongi’s throat as he watches Jimin shakily reach out to the broken shards of the plate, afraid that the younger might hurt himself. “Please, let’s talk. We need to.”

“We’re going to talk to fix this, right?” Jimin is still refusing to go close to Yoongi.

How can Yoongi tell him that there’s nothing to fix anymore? Still, he sighs and reaches out to Jimin, carefully making sure that the younger lets go of his tightening grip to the broken glasses and leading him to the living room.

Yoongi settles Jimin at the couch, telling him to just breathe before Yoongi goes back to the dining room to clean it quickly from the glasses, throwing it away at the back door. Jimin is still in a daze when he returns to the living room.

For Taehyung. Yoongi takes the space beside Jimin, waiting for a moment where Jimin will at least somehow get a hold of himself.

“W-what happened?” Jimin whispers, but Yoongi understands why Jimin can’t bring to be his usual self.

“Nothing happened, Jimin,” Yoongi wants to reach out and hold Jimin’s hands, but he knows it might do more damage than help. “It’s just… us. We lost ourselves, Jimin. We always fight, we always push each other away. I lost you; I lost me in this relationship.”

Jimin quickly meets Yoongi’s gaze. His eyes are swimming in tears from the words that Yoongi told him. “But I love you, hyung.”

God, Yoongi despises himself. He’s watching Jimin fall into ruins. He used to love this man, wanted to give him everything, and now, Yoongi is only giving him a heartbreak. But they are already in this situation, and Yoongi can just go on.

“We don’t purposely hurt the ones we love, Jimin,” Yoongi mutters, pain drips on his voice. “But we’ve done that so much already; we’ve broken each other’s hearts in more ways than one too many times.”

Jimin shakes his head slowly, reaching out to grip Yoongi’s hands tight. “No, hyung. Please don’t do this. Please.”

Yoongi takes in a shaky breath and untangles himself from Jimin’s hold. He keeps repeating to himself that this is what needs to be done. Yoongi knows he’s going to hate himself for breaking Jimin, but they have hurt each other so much already.

“I’m sorry, Jimin,” Yoongi squeezes Jimin’s hand slightly before standing up. “Please stay healthy, ok?”

Jimin nods, holding himself together with a hug and trying his best not to burst like a dam. It hurts to walk away like this for Yoongi even though he and Jimin have finally come to a conclusion. Yoongi did love Jimin, after all. Jimin was once the one that brought Yoongi warmth and happiness.

With ache on his chest, Yoongi offers his arms to Jimin. Jimin only hesitates for a moment before letting himself cling to Yoongi. “Thank you for everything, Jimin,” Yoongi whispers, controlling himself from crying.

“It’s Taehyung, isn’t it?” Yoongi feels like he is doused in cold water when he hears the familiar voice of Jimin saying Taehyung’s name. The phone call that apparently is from Jimin wakes him up.

It’s early morning, probably an hour or so before Yoongi’s alarm actually rings, but his phone was already buzzing moments earlier. He didn’t even check who it was calling, too sleepy to think about it.

“Jimin, what are you saying?” Yoongi sits up straight, uneasiness enveloping him like cold air.

“I’m gonna talk to him, make him understand that I can’t lose you,” Jimin replies. There's an urgency in his voice that makes Yoongi stand up.

“Jimin—” But before Yoongi can say anything anymore, the line ended, leaving him confused and in panic.

Jimin sounded like that night when he went to Yoongi’s place, and it’s enough to wake Yoongi completely. Within minutes, Yoongi is decently dressed up and on his car, already starting the engine. While at it, he’s also trying to call Taehyung’s phone. He turns up unsuccessfully reaching the other.

Quickly, Yoongi starts driving on his way to wherever he thinks Taehyung could be. It’s a Saturday. Taehyung usually sleeps in on a Saturday or helps out to Seokjin’s café. But Jimin has no idea where Taehyung could be. The realization hits Yoongi like a truck: Jimin knows what's been happening. That’s why he knows about Taehyung even though he had only heard about him twice. Jimin also knows about Taehyung being friends with Seokjin. He might have pieced it together.

Yoongi steps on the gas paddle harder, glad that the weekend traffic is light, especially this early in the morning. If he’s correct, Jimin should be on his way to Seokjin’s café. He needs to stop him before he can even talk to someone. Since Jimin and Yoongi only broke up a couple of days ago, Yoongi and Taehyung decided that they won’t tell anyone yet about them.

Upon arriving in front of Seokjin’s café, Yoongi jumps out of his car and rushes inside. Only to find Jimin sitting on the floor, holding Taehyung’s hands on his face while sobbing. The scene only made Yoongi want to hurt himself. What the hell did he do to these two?

“Hyung…” Taehyung looks up to him with a broken look.

What should Yoongi do? Fuck, Yoongi doesn’t know. He didn’t think that Taehyung would be in the café this early, with Jimin crying to him how he can’t lose Yoongi.

“You bastard!” Yoongi didn’t notice Seokjin making his way to where he’s standing quickly. His senses only return when a fist lands on his chin and loud shouts of their names filled the café.

As he stumbles to the floor, he sees through the pain Jungkook and Hoseok holding back Seokjin who is red and shaking with anger, the kind look on his eyes gone and is replaced with piercing daggers that could have killed Yoongi if they can physically pierce through him.

“We trusted you! How could you fucking pull Taehyung into your goddamn mess?” Seokjin’s voice isn’t even loud to be considered as a shout, and yet it makes Yoongi feel so small. “I don’t care what your relationship did to you, but you don’t pull someone into the waters you’re drowning in and hope that you both make it out alive!”

“Seokjin-hyung, please,” Taehyung’s voice is quiet, but it makes all of them stop. He’s still holding Jimin who’s just watching them all with dead eyes.

Seokjin’s face softens for a moment before he looks back to Yoongi. It’s scary how unforgiving Seokjin can look. “No, Taehyung. I need to get through this asshole that you don’t break someone and expect yourself to fully heal. It doesn’t work like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi manages to say, his eyes meeting Taehyung’s. “I-I know I messed up, but I really care about Taehyung.”

“If you care about him, then you won’t pull him into this mess,” Seokjin growls.

“Jin-hyung, please,” Taehyung collapses on the floor and sits beside Jimin, looking at the other with so much guilt. “I chose to be pulled into this.”

“He knows better.”

Seokjin is right. He’s supposed to know better. He got too blinded by happiness and wanting to breathe that he forgot he can and should swim on his own. “I’m sorry,” Yoongi laments.

“Hyung,” Jungkook interrupts Seokjin, his face veiled with seriousness. “Let’s all just breathe first. Please.”

Seokjin stares at Jungkook for a couple of minutes before he backs away from Yoongi and goes to where Taehyung and Jimin are sitting. The two are a mess, both in their own world and Yoongi knows he did this and anything he does will make this mess even bigger, so he just watches as Seokjin helps Taehyung stand up while Jungkook tries to talk to Jimin with a gentle voice. They left him alone, and Yoongi knows he deserves and he should be alone.

“Yoongi-hyung?” Jungkook’s voice sounds distant, almost making Yoongi not notice him. Yoongi didn’t realize that he’s lost in his own thoughts before Jungkook approached him. “I think you should go home first.”

“But…”

Jungkook glances at Taehyung and Jimin before looking back to Yoongi. “Let’s give them space to breathe, hyung. Jin-hyung will be there for Tae-hyung. I’ll drive Jimin-hyung to his place.”

Yoongi stares at Jungkook for a moment, feeling bad on how much jealousy ate him when it seems like Jungkook is just really nice and thoughtful. He could have let him and Jimin be and just be there for Taehyung, but he’s here willing to help out. Yoongi really let himself be narrow-minded.

“We should… Thanks, Jungkook,” Yoongi murmurs, standing up with the help of the younger.

“You get some rest too, hyung,” Jungkook replies, walking him to the door. There’s a sullen air around them, mostly due to Yoongi feeling lost and conflicted how to treat Jungkook.

Yoongi nods, stealing a glance to Jimin who have his hands on his face and Taehyung staring at Seokjin blankly. It makes Yoongi stop, guilt enveloping his heart more by the moment.

“I don’t know what I should do,” he admits to Jungkook, who follows his eyes.

“No one knows what we should do, hyung,” Jungkook mutters, eyes meeting Yoongi’s. “Maybe we should step back for now.”

Yoongi sighs and steps out of the café, hoping that the cold touch of wind will somehow help him. It didn’t. Nothing is really going to help him except himself, right?

Yoongi looks up to Namjoon when he places a bottle of beer in front of him. It confuses Yoongi since it’s still early in the afternoon, and Namjoon usually spends his rare free time catching up sleep.

“Spill,” Namjoon tells him after taking a swig from his own beer.

Ah. Namjoon must have found out what happened earlier. He seems to be not mad, unlike Seokjin, but that only makes Yoongi feel worse. It might have been better if Namjoon is angry at him.

Yoongi drinks before answering. “As you know it. I cheated on Jimin with Taehyung.”

“That’s it? No bullshitting or pointing fingers?” Namjoon asks.

“It is what it is, Joon-ah. I know what I did,” Yoongi watches as a drop of water glides down his bottle, his mind replaying what happened earlier.

It’s been more than half a day, and Yoongi only knows that Jungkook dropped Jimin off his place and that Seokjin took Taehyung’s phone so he can have some time to himself. That’s probably for the better. Clearly, they all need space.

“Why, though?” Namjoon inquires, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he tries to understand the situation. “You loved Jimin so much.”

Yoongi lets out a bitter laugh. After the mess earlier, Yoongi had a lot of time to think. How could he hurt Jimin? Didn’t Yoongi love him a lot? Why didn’t he break it up first? Why did he pull Taehyung into this mess? Yoongi knows all the answers, even way back then when this first started, but he just didn't dare to accept all those answers. Unlike now, when everything already has blown up at his face.

“I did, didn’t I? I gave him my whole world,” Yoongi offers his bottle to clink it with Namjoon’s. “I gave him so much of me. Can you imagine how it felt when… when Taehyung reminded me, I’m one of the best persons he met? That I’m this… this amazing person that loves so hard, asks so little, the kindest person that someone would be so lucky to meet? I know what we did is wrong, but… he made me so happy because I’m me.”

Namjoon didn’t reply, letting Yoongi’s words wash over him. He just listens, waiting for Yoongi to tell him everything he wants to say until Yoongi is ready to listen.

Yoongi continues, his eyes closed as he thinks about the days he felt the happiest lately. “I know I should have broken it up with Jimin first, but I got so scared. I didn’t know how to. Hell, I don’t even know what I should do now. Jimin deserves someone better.”

“Why didn’t you choose to be the better, then?” Namjoon raises his eyebrow, garnering Yoongi’s attention and making the older look at him.

“I… I did my best, Joon-ah,” Namjoon nods in Yoongi’s reply, his eyes filled with understanding Yoongi. “I guess he deserves someone else. Someone who will help him heal. I’ve hurt him as it is. Whatever happened between us doesn’t justify what I did.”

“Don’t you think you need to heal too?”

The question makes Yoongi stop and stare at his friend. He didn’t expect Namjoon would say that. Yoongi had always carried something before—mostly the mess of his relationship—but he didn’t think he might need it too.

“What you did, that’s not you, hyung,” Namjoon continues, staring at his hyung. “You hurt people. You can say that you’re scared and all, but you still did it consciously, just trusting that you can hide everything from Jimin until you got the courage to end it with him. Then with Taehyung… I heard that you were making him choose you over others. Does that sound familiar to you?”

It did. Yoongi can only close his eyes and think back to everything that he did to Jimin and Taehyung. He knows exactly what he was doing with Jimin then, and yet, Yoongi still decided to break his heart. With Taehyung… god, he did what he ran away from, all because of his fear of Taehyung leaving him like how Yoongi did to Jimin.

“Taehyung and I would have ended up like this, huh?” A bitter chuckle escapes from Yoongi, the taste of beer piercing right through him and he’s sure it’s not because of the alcohol. “Joon… what am I going to do?”

“I’m not sure, hyung,” Namjoon shoots him an apologetic smile. “I guess we can start with what you think you all need. What do you think should you do with Jimin? And Taehyung?”

Yoongi closes his eyes, bile attempting to raise on his throat, living it sour and painful. It’s what he thinks he deserves. “Jimin…” Yoongi croaks, acid filling his chest. “I just want him to be ok. To heal. He doesn’t deserve all the pain he’s going through, whether it’s me or something else.”

Namjoon nods but didn’t speak, letting Yoongi continue. “With Taehyung, Joon, I still want to make him happy. I want him happier. He really found his way to me. I’ll do anything and still choose him over and over. I think he helped me, before I ruined everything, you know?”

“I think so. Maybe that’s why you need to help yourself now, hyung.”

“How?”

“Talk to them? Then do something to help yourself, hyung,” Namjoon finds Yoongi’s eyes staring at him.

Namjoon had always been great in lending an ear to Yoongi. Despite that, the younger usually tries to make Yoongi come up to his own solution, unlike now. It makes Yoongi appreciate his friend more. He’s honestly just so… lost. Yoongi really needs it, to do something about this situation and to help himself. He knows he had been stuck for a while now. He’s not sure what is going to happen next, but he just wants to at least make peace with himself, and to the hearts he broke.

“Why did you do it?”

Yoongi looks up to find Jimin’s eyes staring blankly at him. It has been days since Yoongi found Jimin crying his heart out to Taehyung, but Jimin only agreed to talk now

“I’m sorry,” It’s what Yoongi can only say. It’s the words that keep on running on his mind whenever he thinks about Jimin—and he didn’t stop thinking about how Jimin looked so broken when he saw him at the café.

“I’m not asking if you’re sorry, hyung,” Jimin’s words are as sharp as knives to Yoongi. “I’m asking why did you do it?”

Yoongi looks away, unable to breathe properly as he sees what he did to Jimin. “I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to be happy.”

“Wasn’t I— wasn’t I enough?” Yoongi closes his eyes as he hears Jimin breakdown. “Look at me and tell me I wasn’t enough.”

Yoongi wants to flee and never see how much he hurt Jimin, but he deserves the guilt that’s weighing him down, stopping him from looking directly to the person he used to promise the whole world and more. Still, he meets the suffocating black hole of Jimin’s eyes.

“It’s not that you weren’t enough, Jimin,” Yoongi takes a painful breath, forcing air into his lungs. “I wasn’t enough anymore. I gave you my everything that I forgot to keep a part of me. I was so scared to lose you because I’ve already lost myself. It wasn’t us anymore, it was just you in my life.”

“That’s bad?” Jimin accuses him.

Yoongi shakes his head slowly, trying to find the words to express what went wrong. “It wasn’t until we made it bad for us. Jimin, I didn’t do anything for us anymore. I did it for you, so I keep on giving myself away to you. I didn’t know who I was without you. I was losing myself, but I didn’t care.”

“You lost yourself, and that’s why you cheated?” Yoongi watches as Jimin stands up and starts pacing his living room, his hands keeping his eyes closed to prevent him from crying harder.

It doesn’t make sense, even for Yoongi. How losing his self correlates with cheating? But that’s precisely one of the reasons why he ended up doing it. He’s unsure how he can make Jimin understand, but at this point, he doesn’t want to defend himself. He’s Jimin’s heartbreak. All Yoongi can hope now is they both learn and heal.

“No… I felt enough with what I have when I was with him. Even if it's just a little part of me, he made me like it.”

Jimin removes his hands and stares at Yoongi, the air around between them heavy and hurting. “I’m sorry for not being what you needed me to be.”

“No, Jimin. Don’t say that. We were just… broken in our own ways. We had to seek what comforted us.”

“I still should have tried, but I became too greedy and scared. It hurts that you did this, hyung, but it also hurts because I realized I let my fear of losing you win over my love and trust for you,” Jimin smiles bitterly, his eyes falling down on the floor. “I thought if I keep you closer, I’d never lost you. I seem to keep losing what’s important to me. First, dancing. Now, you.”

“What do you mean dancing?”

Jimin shakes his head with regret on his face. “It’s nothing. I just had to give it up over my job. I had to choose one. I hated myself ever since.”

“You didn’t tell me this.”

“Because it’s not yours to think about, hyung. It was my decision.”

Silence embraces them for a while, each just watching the other, unsure on how to reach out anymore and speak when they don’t even know what they need to talk about anymore especially when all is said and done already. Their distance to each other is more evident than it had ever been, stifling them.

“You felt far away,” Yoongi mutters, looking down to his hands while remembering all the time he felt he couldn’t reach Jimin anymore. “When you stopped dancing… I started to lose you too. You were there, but you weren’t.”

Jimin’s tears stream down richly. “I guess you weren’t the only one that lost himself then, hyung.”

“I’m sorry.” Yoongi can only say it repeatedly, but he knows it will never be enough for now.

Jimin nods, a defeated look on his face. “I’m sorry too.”

“What should we do now?” 

“You be happy, hyung.” Jimin shrugs as he forces a smile. It only breaks Yoongi’s heart to see the younger trying. He knows how strong Jimin can be; it’s one of the reasons why he liked him before. He just didn’t think that a day will come where Jimin will have to be strong because Yoongi leaves him.

“You should too, Jimin. Let’s work on healing.” Yoongi stands up. All have been laid out already, and they both know it's time to walk away.

“I’ll try,” Jimin takes a deep breath and wipes the wetness on his face. “So this is goodbye?”

“I think so, but don’t be a stranger?”

Jimin turns around and hides his face, but the hurt in his voice can’t be masked. “In time, hyung.”

“Well, then…”

“Goodbye, hyung.”

“Goodbye.” Yoongi looks at Jimin’s small frame. Jimin didn’t reply, but it isn’t needed between them. They both walk away from their past. They might meet in the future or they might not, but what’s important is that they both know that no matter what happens, they’ll carry each other’s lessons in their hearts.

Yoongi stares at Taehyung while the younger plays with a slice of cake in front of them. They are currently in Seokjin’s café since he demanded that Yoongi and Taehyung talk somewhere he can see them. It’s evident that Seokjin doesn’t trust him to be alone with Taehyung, but Yoongi is just glad that they finally let Taehyung talk to him. It had been a week since he last saw the younger, but his friends made sure that Yoongi won’t be able to reach him. Only Jungkook took pity on him and have assured him every day that Taehyung is as fine as he can be.

“Would you still have chosen me?” Taehyung’s voice is filled with curiosity, his eyes still on the food.

“In a heartbeat,” Yoongi replies. It’s true. He would still choose Taehyung over and over again. He knows what he did, but he also knows Taehyung is who he wants to be. Even if the whole universe condemns them together, Yoongi will find a way back to Taehyung.

“But we can’t be together, right?”

Yoongi shakes his head despite the knife slowly stabbing his chest. “Not right now, no.”

“Tell me your thoughts, hyung,”

“I want to heal. What could have been ‘us’ is made by me running away,” Yoongi reaches out to Taehyung, but stops halfway, realizing that his resolve will melt away from a mere touch of him. “I don’t want to be with you just because Jimin and I broke up. I want to heal and fall in love with you all over again without the reason you made me happy when I was losing myself and breaking. I want to love you when I genuinely love myself too.”

“Why is that such a Yoonie-hyung thing to do?” Taehyung chuckles softly, eyes starting to get wet from the tears he’s trying to hold in. “And you keep saying you’re selfish. I guess we define selfishness in our own way.”

Yoongi leans back to his seat, his eyes on the tall glass of strawberry milk Seokjin specifically made for Taehyung. “I don’t want us to cling to your healing potion, Taehyungie. I want it to be just a drink where we can drink it on a typical day just because we’re craving for it, not because we need to get away from what hurts us.”

“Do you think I have some healing to do too?”

“Don’t we all?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I did agree with your stupid plan,” Taehyung offers him a smile. “In some ways, I probably need it too. We can still be friends, right?”

“Of course, Taehyungie. I still have to watch your play. You got me.”

Taehyung laughs, face brighter as they both make peace in what needs to be done. “I know. I got you.”

They sit there, comfortable silence holding them together. Silence had always been fine between them, but this one is unburdened, refreshing. Unlike when they chose to be together. The silence was deafening and accusing then. Now, they can make peace to the wounds to that kind of silence they brought to their selves.

epilogue

*more than a year later*

“Hyung, stop fidgeting!” Hoseok laughs as he watches Yoongi runs his hands through his hair over and over again.

“You wanted to be this cheesy, so you better do it right.”Seokjin ignores them and just hands him a box of strawberry milk. Yoongi is just grateful Seokjin is so supportive even though he always jokes about kicking Yoongi out… it is a joke, right? “I’m still watching you, Min Yoongi-ssi. I will cut you if you make our Tae-tae sad.”

Yoongi lets out a hysterical laugh. He’s not sure why he’s losing it. He prepared for this. “You know I’ll never do that, and it’s definitely not because I’m scared of you, hyung.”

“He’s here!” Jungkook chimes in while trying not to jump.

There’s silence as everyone tries to shuffle to their usual places to try and act ‘normal’. Taehyung enters the café with confusion on his face when he realizes that they aren’t sitting around the dining table. Yoongi winces. They should have acted exactly like what they do on dinner night.

“What’s happening?” Taehyung’s eyes are wide, watching them intensely.

“Surprise!” Namjoon pops a small party popper. Yoongi has no absolute idea where he got it.

Taehyung giggles, placing his stuff on the counter and walking closer to their scattered group. “Is it really a surprise when Kookie texted me you all will be here?”

“Jungkook!” Hoseok groans, scowling Jungkook.

“Tae-tae-hyung!” Jungkook whines.

Taehyung just laughs and ignore the pout of the youngest. “What’s the occasion?”

“Yoongi-hyung have something to say.” Namjoon’s voice booms in energy.

Yoongi sighs. Namjoon’s excitement can’t be contained sometimes. “Did you really have to announce it, Joon?”

“This is going to be exciting.” Seokjin watches them with interest, but there’s no attempt in helping him out. The older just loves teasing Yoongi, even though it started with him not wanting to go easy on Yoongi after all that happened before.

“Why am I friends with you all?” Yoongi shakes his head.

“Yoonie-hyung?”

“Uhm, Taehyungie,” Yoongi moves closer to Taehyung, ignoring the encouragement of their friends in the background. “I need to talk to you.”

“What? I’m nervous now,” Taehyung’s eyes try to meet his.

Yoongi glances at their friends still surrounding them even though they agreed before that they’ll leave once Taehyung arrives. “Somewhere private?”

“Sorry!” Jungkook calls and starts shoving Seokjin, Hoseok, and Namjoon outside the café, making Taehyung laugh and Yoongi feel more jitters on his feet.

It took a few more teasing from their friends and pushing from Jungkook for Yoongi and Taehyung to be left alone. It’s been a while since they were left alone, mainly because the two of them usually decides not to close off themselves to their friends. Taehyung calls it as following their ‘pact’ of healing. It only endears Yoongi.

“What’s going on, hyung?” Taehyung is looking at him with cautiousness on his face, his eyes going back and forth to their friends failingly acting as if they’re not paying attention to them when it’s evident that they have Jungkook reporting to them what is happening inside through the glass window.

Yoongi steps closer to Taehyung, heart jumping up and down to his chest. It’s been almost a year, and yet, Taehyung always makes him feel so alive with his heart pumping wildly. It’s one of Yoongi’s favorite feelings.

“I have a question,” Yoongi starts, his lips begin to get dry, but he goes on. “When do you think you’re healed?”

Taehyung stares at him with wide eyes, unmoving and still endearing with his mouth slightly hanging. Yoongi tries his best not to laugh. Taehyung really has his own way in making Yoongi feel better.

“Maybe there’s a lot of answers to that, but for me, it’s when it doesn’t hurt anymore,” Yoongi continues, offering a carton of strawberry milk. It had been a while since they last got one. “When I didn’t need the healing potions anymore, and I only bought it because I’ve been craving it for a while now.”

Taehyung reaches out slowly to take the drink, his eyes slightly swimming with tears. “It’s been ages,” Taehyung bites his lips to prevent himself from smiling too much, but his emotions are getting the most out of him, causing him to laugh while tears run down his face. “I don’t even know why I’m crying, but I know I’m glad I don’t need this drink anymore.”

“I’m glad, then,” Yoongi chuckles, taking Taehyung’s hand and pulling him closer, but only to take the carton. “Because I only bought one.”

“Hyung! I thought you were giving it to me!” Taehyung pouts at him as he reaches out for the drink.

Yoongi raises his eyebrow. “I thought you don’t need it?”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want it.”

“I’ll give it then. On one condition.”

“What?”

Yoongi offers the box, but still holding it tightly to make sure Taehyung just won’t snatch it. It’s not once that Taehyung managed to distract him from getting what he wants. “I want us to be happier.”

“You already do that to me.”

“I’m glad,” Yoongi chuckles. “But not that.”

“Hyung…”

“Let’s be happier together?”

Taehyung takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, a smile making its way to his lips. When he opens his eyes, Yoongi finds the stars shining brighter on them. “I’d love to.”

It’s the way Taehyung can make him feel so much better with just the way he looks at Yoongi. They learned so much, together and separately, healing in their own way. There’s still a lot of things they don’t know, but they got together. Yoongi thinks that’s what matters.