Chapter Text
Loki had always known that sometimes the truth was a harder thing to hear than any lie. But this he was not expecting. After Odin had collapsed and Frigga had explained his real past and heritage to him he was still in shock. Of course once Odin was taken care of he was given the throne. It was everything that he had never wanted.
Loki twirled Gungnir, watching as the light bounced and reflected off the metal, as he contemplated his position on everything. He didn't quite know how to feel about everything quite yet. Of course he was angry, he had every right to be, but there was also sadness. Now he knew why he always felt so diffrent from others, now he knew why he was never fully accepted, now he just knew the truth and it burned. He felt as if his insides were being set on fire and there was no way to stop this. He wanted to scream and rage and just let himself go because now everything made sense. But at the same time all he wanted to do was to forgive, albeit it was a small part of him, he still wanted to forgive and forgiveness. Forgiveness for what even he didn't know but he knew that he needed it.
Rubbing at his temple with his free hand, the one not twirling Gungnir, Loki tried to get rid of the growing head ache. He just could'nt make his mind up about what to do and nothing was helping, not Frigga and her warm words, not Odin and his silence as he slept, not Thor, being banished and all that, and certainly not Sif and the Warriors Three. Speaking of the group he looks up just in time to see them enter the throne room where he has isolated himself from the rest of the general public. Except for the mandatory guards that were stationed strategically around the room.
"Allfather, we must spe-"
Sif stops mid sentence as she sees him sitting on the throne. It must be her worst nightmare. It sort of is for him as well.
"Where is Odin?"
One of them asks while he sits impassively on the thrown, no longer twirling Gungnir. Trying to at least be friendly while still feeling the way that he is he smiles at them and know immediately that it was the wrong move by the faces that they make. Right. They hated him, how could he forget.
"Odin has fallen into the Odin sleep I have been given the throne until he wakes"
He tries to put as little emotion into the statement because he still doesn't know how to feel but when he looks at Sif and the Warriors Three he can tell that he has made yet another mistake. Because they see him as wanting the throne and they think that he is now getting everything he wanted and that he must feel so happy. He hates everything in that moment because why can he not do anything right?! He never wanted this throne and sees it as a burden and yet no one can see past their predjudices. Wanting to just cry and curl up in his bed and forget that this day has ever even happened Loki dissmisses Sif and the Warriors Three and they leave without much ado. Except for Sif who makes sure that he knows she DOES NOT like this by giving him yet another dirty glare before she decides to turn and leave the throne room.
Suddenly feeling as if he were suffocating he finally decides to get up and leave the throne room. Standing he announces to the room that he is closing the throne room for the day in light of recent events. None of the guards said anything but he could feel all of their judgemental eyes as he left the room. None of them wanted to serve him either but they really had no choice. Everyone wanted either Thor or Odin back and there was nothing that he could do about any of it. Making it to the privacy of his own chambers he finally starts to let loose some of his frustration by pacing back and forth and muttering, the whole time holding Gungnir, he just wanted to lash out. Hurt something or someone as much as he was hurting. The rational part of him was saying that if he did lash out at anything or one that it would only worsen peoples opinion of him worse than what it already was. Because none of the people wanted him on the throne. No one. The people would rather have Frigga on the throne than they would have him.
Like a bolt of lightning the idea hit him. Dropping Gungnir, by accident as he actually didn't want to harm the weapon as it was his fathe-Odin's, he actually started to pace about his room in a hurry, thinking he would have to clear everything with Heimdall. The people would probably hate him more but he really couldn't help that no matter what he did good or bad people would countinue to hate him. He stopped as soon as the thought hit him feeling as though he had just been hit by Mjölnir. Most people in Asgard had little to no love for him that was no new suprise. They liked him well enough when he was younger before he started to get into his magic and tricks. After he started his tutledge many of the people started to have a strong dislike of him. The liked his personality well enough but they hated that he studied magic instead of the art of the sword like Thor.
It was then that a gap began to grow between him and Thor. But back then he had been so absorbed in all of his books and history and magic that he hadn't noticed that people began to whisper about him, about how he was so diffrent from his brother and how he had no need for the art of the sword when he had all of his magic tricks to keep him safe. The last part was often spoke with a cruel smirk or demeaning tones. After hisone of his nameday celebrations he started to noticed that he had no friends to speak of, and that Thor was nothing more than an acquaintance. He had tried to branch the gap that had suddenly grown between them, but all of Thor's friends never trusted him. They had actually openly scorned him in front of Thor and he had done nothing but laugh and smile at his friends antics. But Loki had still loved him and he even started to go more often with him and his friends on the quests that they so loved. His precence was not accepted most of the time but he had proven himself more than enough times.
Yet still they hated him. Running his fingers through his hair he looked at everything around his room, not even noticing Gungir lying on the floor as he just stared blankly at everything. Deciding that he really had no need for anything in the room he picked Gungir up from where he had mistakenly dropped it and headed out of the room. He needed an out and this was the only way that he could think of. Facing the door to his room Loki made sure to look around one last time. Looking at everything he decided he would miss this tiny little sanctuary as he pressed his forehead to the cool metal of his door saying a small prayer for good fortune he squared his shoulders and held his head up high, ready to face all the hate that was beyond the door. Then he opened the door and steped out.