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Byleth parried the spear thrust upward past his shoulder and went forward in a low lunge. It was a move of desperation. If one of his students had pulled this stunt in training, they would have earned a sharp talking to. But he hadn’t been able to create a good opening in the fight so far, and he was beginning to flag. He just needed to hope his opponent was also tiring and would have slow reflexes.
The gamble paid off. Instead of receiving a clout on the top of the head with a spear butt, Byleth struck home, the point of his training sword hitting Leonie just below the ribs. She grunted and took a step back, raising a hand to acknowledge the blow. “Nice one,” she said with a grin.
He shook his head. “More luck than judgment. If I hadn’t pulled it off, you would have skewered me. You’ve learned some nice moves since I fought you last.”
She looked pleased, although all she said was, “Still not enough to beat you.” She walked to the edge of the hall, replaced her training spear on the rack, and picked up a water skin from the floor. “I’m wiped. How about you?”
He stowed his own weapon. “Damn near,” he conceded.
She finished her drink and tossed him the skin. “Still, it felt good to cut loose like that. I missed sparring with you. We should do it again.” She sat on the bench by the wall and started unstrapping the padding from her legs.
Byleth drank deeply and sat next to her. “Anytime you like.” Anytime we’re not fighting for our lives at least. He took another drink and passed the water skin back to her, then leaned back against the wall.
Leonie didn’t take another drink. She just sat leant forward, arms resting on her legs for a moment. “I missed you all that time you were missing.”
Byleth ignored the skip in his heart. All the Golden Deer had said something of the sort at one time or another. It didn’t mean anything different just because Leonie was the one saying it. He searched for the right thing to say. He’d learned the hard way that the technically accurate “I didn’t” needed further explanation. Fortunately, he’d said it to Claude, who had just grinned and said “Ouch.”
He came up with a response before the silence had stretched long enough to grow awkward. “I wasn’t aware of anything, and once I was awake I didn’t have enough time to start to miss you. But I was very happy to see you.” He glanced at her. She gave him a smile, but it looked kind of brittle, and he wondered if he’d picked the wrong words again.
She broke his gaze and stared at the ground. “I’m sorry,” she said, which was not something he had been expecting.
“Whatever for?” he asked, feeling genuinely puzzled.
“When Jeralt died, I lashed out at you. I knew it was wrong even when I did it. You were mourning in your own quiet way. You loved him as much as I ever did. Probably more. I knew all that. I was angry, and I couldn’t touch the person who deserved my anger, so I took it out on you. It would have been wrong to do it to anyone, but it was particularly shitty to do it to you. I’m sorry.” She took a deep breath and sat up straight. “I should have said that five years ago. I swore if I ever got the chance to see you again, I’d make it right.”
She looked to see his reaction. This time he did take too long searching for words. He saw her face fall and her shoulders start to hunch, and hastily said, “I was never angry at you.” That was a good start, but it needed a follow up. He forced himself to keep talking even though he still didn’t know what to say. “Maybe - Maybe you shouldn’t have said those things, but that doesn’t mean you were wrong. Jeralt could have - My own father could have died without knowing I loved him. The only reason he didn’t is because he lingered long enough to see me cry. Because I don’t say things. I worry about saying them right, and if I’m not sure, I keep quiet. What sort of person wonders whether ‘I love you,’ is the right thing to say or not? I don’t know if I was just born wrong, or if it’s part of whatever was done to me…”
“OK, just stop it,” Leonie said, grabbing him by the shoulder.
You offended her. This is why you shouldn’t speak without thinking.
“Please do not do this to yourself,” she continued. He blinked at her in surprise. “You’re a good man. And Jeralt knew you loved him long before the end. Don’t doubt that. Don’t let me or anyone else shame you about how you feel things.” Her eyes bore into his like she was trying to make him believe her through sheer force of will.
He smiled at her and said, “Thank you.” For some reason, this made her let go of him and look away hurriedly. He sighed and leaned back again. “I still can’t help feeling there’s something wrong with me. Sometimes I think it’s a good thing we haven’t found Rhea yet. If I learned she was responsible for the way I am, I think I might kill her.” He snorted. “And then Catherine would kill me.”
“Not if I was there to watch your back, she wouldn’t.” Leonie still looked down at the floor, her mouth drawn in a thin line.
She just implied she would support you in the ultimate act of heresy. It is just possible your fears of speaking frankly to her are exaggerated. “Leonie, for once I’m going to try not to be that man, the one who can’t talk in case he says something wrong.” That drew her gaze back to him.
He soldiered on. “Telling you that I was happy to see you was too weak. I was happy to see everyone. But you…” He held his hands before him as if to pull the right words out of the air. “That night I awoke, the night of the Reunion, it was all too new for me to understand. But since then I’ve thought about what could have happened in those five years. What could still happen if we continue down this path we’ve all chosen. I picture that night with everyone there but you. I picture waking up to a world where I would never see you again. If that should be my fate, I can only pray to be an old, old man before I face the day.” You’re making it too complicated. “Leonie, I love you.” He truly had her attention now. She stared at him in open astonishment. “I realize it was self-indulgent to lay all that on you. Say the word, and I will never mention it again.”
A strange smile started to pull at the corners of her mouth and then she burst out laughing. She bent over and wrapped her arms around her sides. There was a strange mix of pain and joy in the sound. Finally she gained control of herself. “I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I didn’t want to do that. That last remark, I wasn’t ready for it on top of all that - Damn, how can you think that you’re the one who’s no good with words? If I had any skill with them, you’d never have worried that I’d be offended by what you just said.” Now it was his turn to stare. She held a hand up near his cheek but didn’t touch him, as if completing the gesture would break some spell. “What you just described, I get it. That’s been my life. Trying to learn how to live around this You-shaped hole in the world.
“I nearly didn’t come to the Reunion,” she continued. “I had all sorts of excuses, but I finally admitted the truth to myself. I’d given up hope but I was pretending I hadn’t. If I’d come and you hadn’t been there, I’d have had to admit that you were gone. If I’d stayed away, I could have pretended you were still out there. And then I arrived, and there you were. With Claude, in trouble. Again. And I’ve never seen anything more wonderful in my life.”
Byleth reflected that perhaps for once in his life being at a loss for words would not be a problem. He leaned closer to her, she tilted her head up to meet him, and they kissed. He pulled back slightly. There was a little too much water in his eyes to see her properly, but her smile was all he could have hoped for. He took her hand and held it tight, and they sat side by side on the bench. She leaned on his shoulder and sighed. He enjoyed the silence of not needing to say anything.
After a time Leonie broke the silence. “Now all we have to do is make it through this whole mess.” She made a wave with her free hand, encompassing the entire war.
He lifted her other hand and kissed it. “You watch my back, and I’ll watch yours?”
“I can think of worse ways to live,” she agreed.