Chapter Text
When Tomioka Giyuu was nineteen years old, he stumbled upon a boy with a scar on his forehead.
At that time, he only saw him as a weakling who was struggling hard to protect his younger sister who had turned into a demon.
(There was no hope for them)
He recalled the time when he raised his voice. He did not forget when he struck the boy with the handle of his sword. Nor did it escape his memory when the hatchet that the boy threw almost decapitated his head - and second later the creature he believed to be the boy's supposed sibling, demon and all, stood there trying to shield her human brother, her slanted pinkish pupils glinted as she was glaring daggers at him.
For the first time in his life, Giyuu saw an implausible miracle. And he wanted nothing but to re-instill his hope in the two young figures that he had met only minutes ago.
Giyuu recalled the memory of strands of reddish burgundy hair that fell on a large mark on the youth's temple - and pinky hues of his sister. The image was firmly imprinted into his brain - before he decided to leave, questioning his own sanity to let a demon escape from the edge of his nichirin blade.
Even so, he did not remember ever doubting the rendezvous with the siblings.
The meeting that would lead him to a destiny painted in the most grievous story. One that would end on an incredibly long journey - and at the most unexpected end that a demon slayer could ever dream of.
----
Giyuu was only twenty-one years old at the second time of their meeting.
He again met with Kamado Tanjirou. That young man, he was now slightly taller than the last time Giyuu had seen him three years ago. He still wore those hanafuda earrings dangling in both sides of his ears. His eyes still emitted the similar innocence. And he still, with all his might, tried to protect the only sister he had.
The water pillar (not that Giyuu accepted that title) couldn't comprehend what had possessed him. He only knew that he had to save Tanjirou and his sister from Kochou's hand. You could call it instinct, or something like that.
They needed a miracle to win the war against Muzan. The relationship between those two siblings that the raven haired man witnessed before, surpassed even that simple scenario. Giyuu somehow could sense that the two insignificant lives that he was risking his own life for - perhaps could be the last remaining hope that the doomed humanity had.
For that reason, he decided to place his bet on Tanjirou and Nezuko.
In front of the other pillars, Giyuu vowed to kill himself, if the flick of a miracle he chose to trust was indeed a lapse in his judgement. He didn't even glance when he heard Tanjirou's muffled sobs. He already decided where he should put his faith on.
He remembered that he only set his eyes straight at Oyakata-sama who put on a gentle smile, giving him the permission for his preposterous request.
Giyuu didn't recall ever guessing that one day, a tear from someone named Kamado Tanjirou would lead to the most fatal decision he ever made.
-----
He was only twenty-one when he realized something.
Tanjirou suffered a pretty severe injury shortly after they both managed to defeat the third uppermoon , Akaza. The young man with the ruby eyes lost consciousness right after the fight ended, falling deep into the slumber with wounds still adorning his entire body.
Giyuu observed the figure of the boy in front of him closely. The junior whom he never expected to grow at an unbelievably rapid pace.
He had placed an extraordinary hopes on Tanjirou and Nezuko for sure - but he never expected that things would progress so quickly, and that they would arrive at this point in a relatively short time.
He realized. Giyuu realized that this war might finally be won by them. That Tanjirou is a ray of light that he - no - all of humanity, had already waited for thousands of years.
Giyuu never remembered ever worrying about the increasingly blackened mark on the teenager's forehead, even when he was bandaging the wound on Tanjirou's head. They were samurai . Losing lives was like the most predictable outcome in every battle they encountered.
Giyuu couldn't recall ever having doubts, when he and Tanjirou, who had regained consciousness, ran to find Muzan's location.
Giyuu was sure that the curtain of their story would close with a happy ending. And at that time, the pillar was certain that Tanjirou would once again, show a miracle and put an end to these endless madness.
Giyuu hoped that everything would be alright.
-----
Giyuu was twenty-four years old when the strong hand of the young boy who had repeatedly brought the unthinkable into reality - slipping its fingers between his own.
Tanjirou just hit his eighteenth birthday two days ago. His height was now only one or two inches below Giyuu's, and his burgundy hair was getting longer, 'til he had to tie in a high ponytail. His hanafuda earrings were still the same, moving gently together with few strands of his wild hairs as they came in contact with the barren breeze. The jet black mark on his temple seemed to be a symbol of the strength that the young man with a golden heart possessed.
At that time, Giyuu understood.
In the few years they spent together, he always tried to figure out the cause ot the feeling that choke his breath and beat his chest as Tanjirou smiled at him, letting the sweet aura of the youth envelop him, like sinking into an inevitable warmth. He couldn't understand how Tanjirou seemed to have never lost the extraordinary tenderness he had always radiated, even though they now lived in a world that was gradually becoming more suitable to be called hell.
Giyuu wanted to let himself dissolve into the warmth that was Tanjirou. He wanted to be forever by this young man's side. He wanted to forget all the embittered catastrophe that kept repeating one after another in the years they lived.
He knew he couldn't regret a single thing.
"I love you," was the sole sentence that came out of his lips. Tanjirou, his always beautiful eyes that always sparkled with sincerity and honesty, widened slightly as he digested the short string of words from the water pillar beside him.
In silence that lodged between the two souls who were increasingly bound by tragedies and series of deaths - darkness and also blood that flowed in every glint of their sword reflections - Giyuu for the first time in two years, felt the uncalled anxiety, afraid to stand next to this young man he loved with all his heart.
He remembered three years ago. When he was twenty-one. As he, Tanjirou, Zenitsu, Inosuke and some of their surviving pillar colleagues, tried to kill the weakening Muzan, Tamayo's concoction running into the monster's cursed flesh.
He remembered seeing Tanjirou who was covered in blood - trying his best to defeat the monster who had taken everything from him and everyone who was there.
He remembered witnessing the death of some of his colleagues.
He remembered when he embraced Tanjirou's body tightly, praying for his safety.
He remembered the time Muzan managed to turn things around - when the monster swallowed Tamayo, the only person who knew the way to cure Nezuko.
He remembered the morning arrived, and Muzan, with his battered body - standing under the sun's rays, which now had no effect on him. His disgusting sharp teeth showing, his evil eyes shrinking as he laughed viciously. His body slowly returned to its original form.
He remembered someone shouting - Giyuu didn't know whether the voice belonged to Sanemi or Himejima - telling him to take the dying Tanjirou and the rest to leave.
He also remembered when Zenitsu and Inosuke risked their lives to protect Giyuu and Tanjirou, while trying to do so for themselves in the process.
He remembered the faith everyone rested on, that Tanjirou and Nezuko had to be the two people who survived - because the key to defeating Muzan was with them.
He remembered when Nezuko woke up from her sleep, still as a demon, but the girl now had her memories and humanity back. The medicine Tamayo made didn't fully succeed nor fail. Nezuko could also be one of those fighters who protected all the surviving people.
Giyuu recalled the tears of disappointment that flooded Tanjirou's beautiful eyes when he finally woke up from his coma, regretting the great defeat that had also claimed the lives of the strongest warriors that humanity had ever had. The few remaining of them, including the new Oyakata, decided to hide and prepare for an inevitable long war for the time being.
He remembered that three months later, Muzan spread his terror to the very corner of the country. Everything was in chaos. All hell broke loose as the dream of peace had ended.
Giyuu remembered when the government finally acknowledged the existence of the demon slayers, when they realized their inability to stop horrendous increase of the death rate.
He remembered when Tanjirou became one of the pillars, leading the annihilation of the demons that were now going rampant, even during the day when the sun was high.
He remembered standing by Tanjirou's side, walking through death after death - war after war. As if everything never ended.
He didn't remember ever feeling afraid, because Tanjirou, the sweet young man who gave him hope, was there by his side.
Tanjirou rescued Giyuu from falling into the dark abyss inside himself, until the water pillar had no choice but to rely on the light that saved him.
As long as Tanjirou was here, Giyuu was sure he would be okay.
Giyuu didn't want to let go of the soft lips that were pressing against his now.
A few minutes passed before Tanjirou parted the kiss to stare straight at Giyuu's dark blue eyes. There was a bright red sparkles on Tanjirou's eyes, it hued in the same shade as the colors painted on his cheek. Giyuu knew, he knew that at that moment, he could no longer feel doubt even for a moment.
He let his fingers wade every curve of his lover's sweet face.
Even in the midst of the turbulent war, amid the despair and mountains of corpses of dearest people they knew - Giyuu knew he could still fight with Tanjirou shining his life.
"... don't ever leave ...," Giyuu hissed softly as he buried his face into the slope of the neck of the younger man underneath him, with himself still enveloped by the greatest warmth and incomparable pleasure that only Tanjirou could give him.
Giyuu remembered the short chuckles coming out of Tanjirou's lips like a melody, halted by the most beautiful moan he had ever heard.
"Hold my hand and don't ever let it go, Giyuu-san," said the younger pillar, between the hiss of his breath. "Now, then, and ever."
His face was plastered in red. Fingers and nails clawed on his bare back. The sweat drops and passionate touches conveyed a million messages a mere phrase couldn't contain.
"Even in death?"
"Yes," answered the younger man shortly.
"Even in death."
-----
When he passed the age of twenty-five, Giyuu didn't remember he ever felt a great desire to continue on living as big as he did now.
The mark that appeared on his face had always been a memento that reminded him of the fragility of human age. Only a few mark owners could live past the age of twenty-five. Giyuu apparently became one of them now, officially.
He was so sure that the war against Muzan would end soon. Maybe the peaceful life that everyone longed for could be finally achieved. Maybe he could find a way for himself and Tanjirou to survive and grow old together.
But fate didn't let him have his way that easily. During the last few years since the war began, Muzan had gathered an extraordinarily powerful army of demons. Even so, it was still difficult for the monster to find a replacement for the uppermoon who had died. Maybe that was the only reason why the pillars could still survive, especially amongst the onslaught of demons whose numbers now kept increasing.
As the remaining pillars - Nezuko, Zenitsu, Inosuke, Kanao, Giyuu, Tanjirou, Genya and Kanroji still tried hard to fight for the peace they had always dreamed of.
But unfortunately, the balance that they had maintained for years began to ripple when Kanroji had to bear the consequences of the mark appeared on her body. The love pillar weakened over time - and there was no fitting candidate competent enough to replace her role in the demon slayer organization.
Kanroji passed away in the war against a demon army that Muzan suddenly brought on, followed by Genya who had to die after desperately defending the demon slayer's base which had been their hideout for years.
The base reduced into nothing but a pool of rumbles and blood. There were countless lifeless bodies of their best remaining fighters lying in every corner of the ruins.
Giyuu still vividly remembers the burning anger he rarely saw from his lover. Tanjirou who he knew, had mastered the techniques that warranted him to have the calmness of a tree. But at that moment, the mark on Tanjirou's forehead spread wildly, and he killed more demons than he used to.
Three days after the attack began, Muzan decided to temporarily withdraw his troops in a long war that had claimed the lives of both parties - after Giyuu, Nezuko and Tanjirou managed to repel ninety percent of the strongest demons that Muzan had.
That day Giyuu held one of Tanjirou's hands. They never stopped shaking. He watched in silence as the unstoppable rain of tears streamed down his lover's face.
This war might still not be over, but Giyuu still kept believing. As long as Tanjirou and Nezuko were still alive, humanity wouldn't lose their hope.
They wouldn't let any sacrifice go to waste.
-----
At the age of twenty-seven, Giyuu confessed something that he had hidden for a long time.
At that time, Giyuu and Tanjirou had just arrived from their mission in a remote area of the country. Both of them laid on a battered tatami, which was a common property you could find for every hiding place left by the previous demon slayers. Tanjirou rested his head on Giyuu's upper arm. The older man buried his nose at the top of Tanjirou's burgundy locks, sipping the intoxicating unique smell that only his lover had.
The tips of the younger pillar's fingers then gently touched the side of Giyuu's face, leading the older man to stare into his pair of beautiful eyes - losing himself in the deep red orbs as the calm blue met the blazing flame. It was something that he would never get tired of even after the years they had spent together. Not only now. Maybe even in the eternity.
At that time Tanjirou was twenty-one years old.
In the hell hole they currently lived in, the young man with the hanafuda earrings was the only place Giyuu could come home to. He never expected that he was blessed by a simple chance of enormous happiness, when the whole world was screaming the song of suffering.
Tanjirou was his whole world. Giyuu could no longer imagine a life without his lover by his side.
"Tanjirou."
"Hmm?" The younger man brought their faces closer together, so that Giyuu could see all the tiny details of Tanjirou's face as he touched the tip of his nose to his lover's.
Up close, Giyuu noted a few things. The young man's eyelashes were getting longer, a few faint scars began to disappear in the corners of his jaw.
He looked stunning as usual, just like Giyuu always remembered.
He had now made up his mind.
(And he wouldn't regret it)
"Tanjirou, will you marry me?"
-----
Everything changed when Giyuu entered the twenty-eighth year of his life.
The deafening scream that came out of the throat of the man he dearly loved - would forever be recorded inside the tiny box brimming with the commemoration of unfortunate tragedies inside his brain. At that time the moon didn't even show up to reveal her face. At that time the world might be celebrating its misfortune.
Muzan managed to gather twelve demons that were no less formidable than the uppermoon they defeated before. He wasted no time in attacking the center of government, until the remaining pillars were forced to offer their hands in guiding the leaders away to the last place the demons could have guessed.
Giyuu knew they lacked strategy. The demon slayers also didn't have a lot of tough personnel to counter the merciless attack. Victory was an impossible scenario. But the pillars couldn't back down.
They were the only hope for many people. They had to survive.
(Giyuu secretly hoped for a miracle to happen again.
But unfortunately, the god of fortune wasn't taking their side this time.)
The horrifying scene seemed to play in an agonizing slow motion before him.
Tanjirou screamed very loudly - he had his hand stretched out - as if trying to grasp into something far ahead. There were tears in his face, mixed with the crimson blood dripping down his chin.
He had Nezuko's name in his lips.
Giyuu was sure that this scene would eventually become a ghost in each of his nightmare. When he saw the girl's head separated from her body. When he saw a lot, a lot of blood on her horrified face. When he saw Nezuko's body disappear at the end of the steep cliff.
When Tanjirou cried and shouted the name of his beloved sister, when half of the new uppermoon that Muzan brought, died instantly with one swing of the young pillar's burning blade. When Tanjirou went berserk, and no one could stop him.
When Muzan disappeared again in the dark, and when they also found Kanao's body; lying scattered not far from the lifeless carcass of the country leader whose body was turned into a mess of unidentified lumps.
Giyuu couldn't remember the last time he shed tears. But at that time, it was probably the first time in years of his devotion as a pillar, when he finally expressed his sadness.
He continued to embrace Tanjirou's trembling body tightly, until the dawn broke as the morning came. There were silhouettes of two lovers who lamented the deaths of millions of people they were failed to protect. There was a heavy burden two young men couldn't bear alone.
When Tanjirou lost his consciousness, Giyuu decided to find the bodies of Nezuko, Zenitsu and Inosuke on the edge of a cliff in the middle of thousands floating corpses.
He didn't know what to feel when he couldn't find their bodies.
-----
Tomioka Giyuu was thirty-one years old when he became a demon.
No. There was no one who could blame him. This wasn't what he wanted. Not at all.
It wasn't his fault when he and Tanjirou became the only remaining demon slayers after the massacre in the past two years. It was also not his fault if Muzan was having the controls over the world - played it tortuously between his calloused fingers. Nor was it his fault when many souls of helpless people ended up on the demons' dinner plates - because Muzan only shared his blood for selected few - those who were strong enough for his standard.
After all, he and Tanjirou were only two entities - two tiny specs of dust in this billions-cubic-feet universe. The years of battles they had gone through had indeed saved many lives - but there were also countless lives that couldn't be reached by them.
Tanjirou was the only light of hope for all humans at that time. No demon could beat the twenty-four years old man as the mere presence of him would make even Muzan falter. He was still as bright, still as warm, and still as gentle as before he lost everything. He was the only reason why Giyuu still struggled to stay alive.
(Even the promise that he once made to his late sister and Sabito, couldn't even do much impact to him as big as the love and dedication he had for Tanjirou; and he vowed to dedicate himself for the human race whom both of them wanted to protect.)
It wasn't Giyuu's fault if Tanjirou became the only lantern left in this endless pit of sorrows. The young man always stood proudly - believing that the victory would still eventually be on their side.
In the end, it certainly wasn't his fault when he saw Tanjirou getting weaker, as the age of twenty-five slowly approached him, and it led Giyuu to fall into the deepest abyss of sadness and loneliness.
He remembered it. As bright as the day. As if it just happened a day ago. He recalled when Tanjirou smiled weakly as he was taking his lover's hand. When his long hair was now damp and drenched with sweat. When the eyes whose usually filled with so much lives and lights, were now turning darker and dimmer.
(Twenty-five years old. The age limit of the mark owners, which apparently didn't apply to Giyuu alone)
Giyuu could still play the memory in his brain. The recording of Tanjirou closing his beautiful eyes, before he succumbed into a long deep sleep - there was a tear falling on his beloved's pale cheeks as the younger whispered one last sentence to him.
I'm sorry.
That was the last time Giyuu ever heard the voice of the love of his life.
Tanjirou didn't open his eyes even though months have passed. Although the water pillar insisted on staying by his side. Although the breath he took was getting weaker and weaker day by day.
Was all of this Giyuu's fault, when he felt the intense fatigue of the game the gods played on him?
He couldn't do anything. He was thinking of giving up. Even when he faintly heard the screams of people who needed his help as the last pillar of demon slayers. Even when the crow came bringing the horrible news he didn't want to hear.
He couldn't do anything. Because Tanjirou no longer opened his eyes, he chose to dive into a prolonged coma that might only lead him to the end of his life.
The water pillar also didn't know what to do, when the monster himself came to find their hiding place - together with thousands of demons who already prepared to steal the samurais' lives away with those sharp claws of theirs.
Giyuu was ready to die at that moment. He would fight until the last drop of his blood. Because that was what Tanjirou would do if he could still stand and fight. He knew Muzan might have been waiting for this moment to come - the moment when his two greatest enemies were at their lowest point, and now victory might forever belong to the demon.
But Giyuu was never prepared - to welcome the vile scheme Muzan had in mind as he set his foot in the small home he and Tanjirou lived in.
Giyuu cut down the demons and all of the evil troops standing on his way - easily overthrowing the demons who stood as the shield from Muzan. He knew there was something odd shortly after he realized that Muzan didn't even try to lift his fingers, albeit the full control he had on the situation. He was up to something, and Giyuu could feel something out of the ordinary was happening.
The water pillar still launched his deadly attacks, killing many demons who had extraordinary toughness - when he himself received enormous amount of attack from them.
Giyuu, with torn skin and broken bones - felt weak as the exhaustion started to encage him again. But he could still fight. It wasn't over yet.
The next thing he knew, as he laid the last breath to launch an attack that he hoped would kill Muzan with the remnants of his consciousness - suddenly all the corpses of the demons around him were lifted up and reformed into a big piles of disgusting mass of clump - clinging and trapping Giyuu who tried to cut down those flesh and blood as fast as he could. The clump was now trapping him - rendered him motionless.
Giyuu heard a sickening chuckle from Muzan.
No. He couldn't die here. He wasn't allowed to die as long as the man who had taken everything from him was still alive. He could still fight -
"Tomioka Giyuu and Kamado Tanjirou," Muzan's raspy voice hissed through his sharp fangs, suddenly echoing inside Giyuu's frantic head.
"Two very troublesome demon slayers. There were countless times when you two almost killed me. Two annoying obstacles that prevented me to reach the absolute power I've desired for thousands of years."
Giyuu tried to focus all his energy to be free from the detestable traps that locked him in his place. No. Muzan absolutely couldn't find Tanjirou who was now laying in a coma. He had to do something -
"After you exterminated all of my strongest demons, I always hated you," Muzan continued. "For years I have devised a plan to eliminate you. I imagine the perfect world when no one would stand in my way."
Giyuu's eyes widened as he watched the scene that was presented before his eyes a second later.
Tanjirou's limp body was now in Muzan's arms. The kind young man who had never once been afraid of facing Muzan - looking very fragile and frail in his deep coma - no sign of his once lively persona as he swayed in the hold of his greatest enemy.
Giyuu felt it. He felt when all the blood in his body shot up as the madness overtook him. He felt a moment of extreme anger and sadness now stealing all of his common sense.
"DO NOT TOUCH HIM!" Giyuu didn't even know whether he had tears running down his face or not - which now was coated with blood as he struggled with all the remaining strength he had left - even though his whole body was in pain - even though he exceeded his limits as an ordinary human. "LET GO OF HIM YOU COWARD! I WILL KILL YOU!"
Muzan did not answer. He only had a small smile plastered on his face before spitting out one of the craziest sentences Giyuu had ever heard in his entire life
"Tomioka Giyuu, what do you think of becoming a demon?"
Giyuu's eyes widened.
What was Muzan planning to do?
"I'd rather die."
Muzan clicked his tongue.
"Ah, it's a shame Giyuu. I'm not asking about whether you want it or not. I'm just asking about your opinion," said Muzan, his pale and long fingers slowly tracing Tanjirou's face in his arms. "This young man that you love too - so strong and charming. Too bad isn't it, if he had to die because of the disease caused by this mark ?"
Giyuu was just about to shout a curse hanging on the tip of his tongue, when he suddenly felt something clamped his mouth and lips really tightly. There was an arm with sharp claws sprouting out of the lump of meat that trapped him in place - locking his mouth until he could only widen his eyes - shaking his head vigorously with tears falling one by one.
Giyuu never wavered. But he was really tired at this moment.
He was very tired. Tired of everything. Tired of being toyed by the world. Tired of the fate that continuously usurped the only things he wanted to keep.
Tired of waiting, tired of expecting Tanjirou to return.
He could clearly picture the image of the tears that fell on his lover's face that night. It haunted him. Could he hope to see the flame in those beautiful eyes once again?
Giyuu never wavered. But at that moment the wave in his heart crashed mercilessly as he let the fatigue stole his senses. The waves then forming a whirlpool, as Muzan pierced Tanjirou's forehead with his long, sharp fingers.
"With this, he won't die. Ah, don't worry. I'm not that cruel actually. I did erase all of his memories, but I leave bits and pieces related to you," Muzan smiled, letting some blood flow down to Tanjirou's face. As the demon's blood running course into his veins - his slightly tanned skin was now slowly turning pale. The monster pulled out his bloodied fingers with a satisfied smirk on his face.
"—Thus, you two can be together in eternity, right?"
This wasn't Giyuu's fault at all.
It wasn't his fault when Muzan put Tanjirou's body back on the ground. It wasn't his fault either when the monster aimed its sharp nails into Giyuu's face.
Giyuu never wavered. But the calm water inside himself had been replaced by a merciless storm. It was nothing but a tidal wave.
What could he, a mere human, do? He was very tired. He just wanted to return to the warm embrace of his lover. Giyuu just wanted to go back home.
Giyuu remembered the intense pain as Muzan's nails pierced his head. He remembered when all the cells in his body were screaming - trying hard to fight against the virus that spread into his bloodstream and his organs. He remembered the words that Muzan said as he slowly lost his consciousness, together with the moment when he finally bid farewell to all of his past memories.
(All of them. Except for Tanjirou who was as warm as the sun. Except for his immense love for the most amazing young man he had ever met. Except for memories of when they became one.)
"I don't mind losing all my strongest demons - if in the end I get the two most powerful demon slayers ever alive as my loyal servants -"
"- oh, I also learned from my mistakes. I'll closely watch over you. You two will get the best humans that you can consume. You'll become the strongest demons by eating a lot."
"Very pleasant, isn't it? You don't have to worry about death anymore. You two will live in eternity, together as strongest creatures."
That day, Giyuu lost all of his humanity - as well as his determination to protect the human race.
Only a burning desire and love remained for him, as he and his lover prepared to wade through the long journey of eternity, waiting for them to walk over the bridge built by countless of rotten bodies and blood...
-----