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Kaguya doesn't usually mind her work as a barista. Coffee is simple, her boss knows that she'll quit at the smallest inconvenience so she's rarely bothered and customers are usually okay. Even when an incident occurs, it doesn't bother her much. She's much too grounded. Which makes today all the more infuriating. There's a girl at the front of the line, with ridiculous pink hair, who cannot decide what to get.
Kaguya gets it, she really does! The menu here is huge and doesn't have any explanation of the drinks offered. But it's one, so the girl had to have been in line for at least fifteen minutes. She couldn't have figured out what to try or ask about in that time? Instead, she's staring at the board with glassy eyes, looking like she's never gotten coffee in her life.
"Umm... I'll have a -no."
"Ma'am please order, you are holding up the line," Kaguya states.
The girl turns an exotic shade of pink and nods. "A cappuccino."
"What size?"
"Medium."
Kaguya spends the rest of the transaction contemplating the real reason she's especially pissed off about this. The girl is attractive in a way that Kaguya has always been jealous of, casually filling shirts and daydreams. But Kaguya hates stupidity more than anything, so she dismisses thoughts of looking at the name on the computer or writing her number on the receipt. The girl will probably get hit by a car on her way home for all the self-awareness she has.
Kaguya is trying not to think about how stupid that girl was the next day. Holding on to such a negative thought might chill her already icy demeanor. She took this job for a reason.
Which means, of course, that the girl had to show up today. At least this time, the place isn't crowded. The girl spends ages looking at the sign. Kaguya alternates between studying her and looking at the rest of the store to avoid staring. She wonders if the girl is a model. The only way such an unintelligent creature could survive modern Japan is by having some asset others preserve her for, and the girl is certainly attractive enough to be coddled. Perhaps she's only here because a coworker said the name out loud, and the idea was briefly visited by her errant mind, but will soon be discarded in favor of a different concept. Kaguya hopes so.
The girl finally waddles over the countertop, where she sets a new record in stupid.
"Hey, Kaguya? What do you think I should get?"
Kaguya wants to slam her own face into the countertop and failing that, slam her customer into it. Instead, she answers, "How about you get what you had yesterday?"
The girl's mouth does a little O of surprise. "Oh! You remember me! That's so sweet of you, Kaguya-chan! Do you remember what I got?"
Does this girl not remember the drink she had yesterday? For a moment Kaguya fears she has been insulting someone with actual, severe issues. The tuneless humming when she turns her back to the idiot doesn't do anything to help. Kaguya decides to talk to her to make sure she isn't being uncharitable.
"Do you come here often?" Kaguya asks.
"Huh?" The girl tilts her head, "Um, no, I only stopped by yesterday because someone in my class recommended it. I liked the coffee, so I decided to come back."
"That's good. Where do you go to school?"
Please don't say Shisuu, please don't say Shisuu.
"Shisuu."
Okay, now Kaguya has to deal with the two awful facts instead of one. One, there is nothing wrong with this girl. She's an all-natural dumbass. Two, this dumbass got into her college.
"Oh. That's nice," Kaguya says with all the false cheer she can muster. "Maybe we'll see each other." Kaguya doesn't dare ask what classes she's in. She doesn't want to risk the assault to her ego.
"Maybe we will! I'm Chika, by the way." Ah. The airhead has an airhead name. "How long have you worked here?"
"Only a few months."
Chika nods. Kaguya can almost smell her foe's brain overheating with the strain of the conversation.
"Alright. I hope I see you tomorrow! "
Kaguya hopes not.
Monday finds Kaguya confiding in her only halfway intelligent coworker.
"Being that stupid is unrealistic, isn't it?" Kaguya exclaims, "No one could live like that. You lose money like no one else, and you'd starve when you forgot to buy food. Right? Right?"
"All sorts manage to thrive in the modern world, Kaguya," Shirogane replies. "Anyway, shouldn't you enjoy being so much smarter than her? "
"I take no joy in lording over an ant. It's not an achievement to impress someone who often finds herself outfoxed by vending machines."
Shirogane nods, "Ah. Well, you should get used to her. She was here Saturday, asking after you."
"I don't deserve this," Kaguya groans.
"Perhaps you can't get a better idea of how to handle the people you dislike by interacting with her. She certainly isn't going to leave you alone."
"I'm quitting the moment this gets too excessive, okay? I'm not going to let myself get harassed by some floozy."
"You don't think you can handle some attention from an empty-headed stalker?" Shirogane prods.
"Not everyone is as physically inclined as you. If she chases me, I'm done for."
"Simply make sure she understands her proper place. Beneath you."
"Fine, I'll talk to her more."
"What do you do in school, Kaguya-chan?"
"Business."
"Say it ain't so!" Chika exclaims, "Isn't it boring?"
"Mostly. But I need to know how to run the family business."
"Are all the boys mean to you?"
Kaguya smiles. "Not more than once."
Chika shivers. "That's not very nice of you."
"They started it. If it's up to me to get them to learn their lesson, at least they're learning something."
"It doesn't sound like you make a lot of friends with that outlook."
Okay, that's uncalled for. "Just because I'm a little harsh to a deserving target doesn't make me unfriendly."
Chika shrugs. "Whatever you say, Kaguya-chan. I'm studying Political Science, so I have to stay on my toes. I guess that's what all this coffee is for."
Kaguya screams internally. You "guess" why you're here? How do you exist?
Chika misinterprets Kaguya's expression. "Don't be jealous, Kaguya-chan. It's a lot of work, learning all this stuff."
"I'm sure you do well," Kaguya replies.
"Do you have any hobbies?" Chika asks.
"I do some archery when the opportunity presents itself."
"Oh," Chika gasps, "That's so cool!"
Kaguya isn't used to unambiguous praise and is unable to respond with any kind of mitigating remark. Chika asks about the interesting facets of archery for a while before departing with a wave and a promise to return.
Maybe she isn't so bad.
Monday, Kaguya was confident that she wouldn't have a problem with talking to Chika. But Tuesday her father's servant called. He was concerned that one of her teachers had mentioned that her schoolwork "wasn't up to its normal standard." This was a transparent way to indicate that this job was under threat. Kaguya hadn't completely escaped her family's thumb, and if her father demanded that she put her full effort towards schoolwork, she'd have to quit this job. Her controlling family was the worst.
Wednesday she doesn't notice Chika until she comes countertop to order. "What are you worried about?"
"Nothing Fujiwara-san. Do you know what you want?"
"Medium cappuccino. Are you sure? You sure look worried."
Kaguya turns around to prepare the beverage. "Even if we assume I am worried about something, what are you going to do about it?"
"I could give you advice! Is it about love?" Chika asks.
"No, Fujiwara-san, it isn't."
"Oh. Well, in that case, I can try some Chika guidance. Worrying about things you can't change is like digging a hole. You shouldn't do it!"
Kaguya laughs despite herself. "Did you come up with that yourself?"
"Yep! Do you want to hear another?"
"Sure."
"Boyfriends are like vegans. Everyone should know you have one!"
"That doesn't even make sense."
Chika does a dramatic gasp. "Are you complaining about your Chika guidance? Carefully crafted by the honorable Chika Fujiwara? Ten minutes ago?"
"I think I am."
"I should work on it some more. If it fails to pass your standards it can't be that good."
"I wait in anticipation."
Kaguya doesn't think about her father for the rest of the day.
"Hi, Kaguya! You look like you're feeling better!"
"I am, thank you. The advice was good."
"I told you. It has to be good advice, or else I wouldn't give it to you."
"Do you follow your own advice?"
"Huh?"
"About boyfriends."
"Oh yeah. Well, sometimes I lie about it because it makes boys have funny faces. But I couldn't lie to you, Kaguya-chan." She gives Kaguya a look that she's only seen in films, honest care pouring from Chika's eyes. The expression vanishes fast, but Kaguya knows it's going to make a reappearance in her fantasies. "The rule doesn't apply for girlfriends, though."
"Well, how about we even the field?"
"Uh, sure. On three, say if you're single. One, Two, Three. Yes!"
"Yes."
"Aw, poor Kaguya. Does it have something to do with your poor attitude?"
Kaguya's never been so insulted in her life. "Poor attitude? Says the girl who walked out of a wet dream but can't find a date. Does it have something to do with the fact that her head is full of air?" Kaguya realizes what she said and slams her mouth shut. "Anyway here's your coffee. Goodbye."
Chika drifts away and Kaguya tries to figure out how she's going to get out of this mess.
Monday, Kaguya wants to apologize. Maybe she thought those things were true, but she shouldn't have said them. She'll take it all back, and she can go back to silently fuming at this girl. And she would, except the idiot has forgotten how to order again. She's ordered here a few times now, shouldn't she know what to do? She can hold herself up in a conversation. Why can't she remember what she orders?
"Medium frappuccino."
"About yesterday, I -"
"Do you really think I'm stupid, Kaguya-chan?"
Kaguya feels her heart crack. She doesn't want to be dishonest here, but she doesn't see any other way out of this. "Of course not, that was just a heated-"
"Don't lie, Kaguya. It doesn't suit you."
Okay, angry Chika is a whole different animal. Kaguya takes a breath. "I do, but I also think you have some value. You helped me more than you know when it came to my mood and trying to get me to admit that I was single was cleverer than I gave it credit for. It's just- after so many times in here why does it take you so long to order? You have to know the entire menu back and front, and you've only ordered three things! How don't you know what you want?"
Chika blushes and rubs her fingers together. "Well you see- the thing is- oh, there's no nice way to put this- I was kind of, admiring the view."
"You were staring at me," Kaguya says with all the false venom she can muster.
"I mean, I could just have been admiring your athletic physique. I don't have to be the bad guy here."
Kaguya sort of wants to be mad. But she's never felt very attractive before, especially before a virtual goddess. "Well, I'll let you off with a warning."
"Aww, Kaguya-chan doesn't mind when the wet dream stares at her."
Wow, Kaguya has suddenly found that nothing here is as interesting as her shoes. "I thought you forgot about that."
"How could I forget anything about your cute pink lips?"
"Do you want to do anything about this?"
"You sound nervous, Kaguya-chan," Chika presses, "Afraid I'm going to pin you down and make you scream?"
Kaguya bites her lip. "That isn't an answer."
"How direct do you want me to be? I don't think I can say everything I want to do in public."
"Acknowledging physical traits isn't a confession of intent," Kaguya justifies, "Perhaps I have no more interest in your appearance than intellectual appreciation."
"For someone who acts so smart, you can be really dumb sometimes, Kaguya-chan. Do you want to go to a movie with me this weekend?"
"Yes."
"Was that so hard?" Chika giggles.
"... No."
"You see? You should have just given me your number earlier."
"But then I'd lose the superior position in the relationship!"
"Waiting for a confession isn't strength, so giving one can't be a weakness." Chika tilts her head. "You've never done this before, have you?"
Kaguya shakes her head.
"It all balances out. I'll see you on Saturday!"
Kaguya doesn't quite agree about being on equal footing, but she's eager to keep this game of emotions going. And she's starting to warm up to her bubbly suitor. She'll find her own kind of happiness.