Chapter Text
Zenitsu padded across the garden barefoot, hearing opened up to really listen. He didn’t like to do this much--he gets overwhelmed by the sounds too easily, and if he listened too hard he might end up listening to sounds that he would rather not listen to. Gramps had always told him to use his curse gift. But he could never get himself to do it since he was a coward. So he’s learned to instinctively block out his hearing and only listen to the things nearest to him. But sometimes (very rarely) he liked to just stop and listen to everything. So listen Zenitsu did.
He could hear every sound coming from the people on the Estate--their heartbeats and the unique base sounds of each person. Every chirp of the birds in the area, the rustling of the trees as they sway in the wind was calming, and the distant chatter of the kakushi as they carried out their work within the Estate put him at ease.
And then there was that sound. The sounds that reminded him of blue summer skies, the sound that constantly whispered kindnesskindnesskindness.
It was Tanjirou’s sound, coming closer to where Zenitsu stood.
“Zenitsu,” Tanjirou called out from the building. Worrycarefriendship echoes in between the tenor of his voice that made Zenitsu want to cry all over again. He thought he got over that after months of being friends with Tanjirou, but he finds himself wanting to cry each time Tanjirou so much as utters Zenitsu’s name. It was so hard on Zenitsu’s emotions, what the hell Tanjirou.
“Zenitsu, you’re barefoot! At least put some slippers on,” Tanjirou said as he stepped onto the courtyard, barefoot himself. Honestly, the hypocrite.
“I’m fine, Tanjirou,” Zenitsu said as he walked over to Tanjirou to meet him halfway. “I was getting some fresh air,”
“Then get fresh air with slippers on,” Tanjirou scolded lightly, reliefreliefgratefulness filling the blanks between his words. Zenitsu makes a face to Tanjirou, which Tanjirou replies with a stern face.
“I’m going, I’m going already,” Zenitsu mutters as he stepped back into the building, Tanjirou following behind him. They walked side-by-side to their room, Zenitsu basking in the soft sounds that made up Tanjirou.
“How are your injuries?” Tanjirou asked as they walked, a slight limp to his steps.
“I almost died,” Tanjirou cut Zenitsu off with a small laugh, making Zenitsu pout. How dare Tanjirou laugh at Zenitsu’s near-death experience? He really did almost die, for real this time! He sighed and continued, “But I didn’t break any bones this time, so I guess I’m fine,”
“I’m glad,” Tanjirou smiled brightly to Zenitsu, making Zenitsu’s chest feel tight--a familiar feeling when it comes to Tanjirou. “I would be really worried if you got seriously hurt,”
Warmth bloomed in Zenitsu’s chest. The chime of sinceritygentlenesscare in Tanjirou’s sound made his cheeks redden with affection.
(Ah, this feeling… )
“I’m going to die the next time I get sent out alone though,” Zenitsu huffed.
“No, you won’t,” Tanjirou said, voice firm. “You’re strong, Zenitsu. You won’t die as easily as you think you would,”
Zenitsu looked down at his moving feet. Tanjirou thought too highly of a weakling like him. He wasn’t strong and certain like Tanjirou. Zenitsu was weak and useless--But Tanjirou was just too nice to tell that to him.
“Zenitsu,”
Tanjirou clutched Zenitsu’s wrist, pulling them to a stop. Zenitsu looked up and--ah, there it was. That fire in Tanjirou’s eyes that took Zenitsu’s breath away each time. The look that Tanjirou had every time he gave off the sound of determinationtruthsincerity.
“If you can’t believe in yourself, then at least...” Tanjirou paused, and his grip on Zenitsu’s wrist tightened. “At least believe in me.”
“I would never lie to you,” (Truthtruthtruth, Tanjirou’s sounds whispered to him in between the words)
Zenitsu’s breath hitched. His chest felt like it was about to burst. Ah, this…
“I know you wouldn’t,” Zenitsu breathed, smiling. His vision gets blurry for a second but he blinks the tears away before they could fall.
Tanjirou smiles back to him, soft and fond. It felt like fireworks were bursting in the cavity of Zenitsu’s chest. This is definitely that, right?
“Let’s go rest up before dinner,” Tanjirou pulled Zenitsu along, not letting go of Zenitsu’s small wrist.
“Yeah,” Zenitsu whispered.
Ah, he really was in love with Tanjirou, wasn’t he?
Something tickled the back of his throat, and Zenitsu coughed.
It started with a simple cough.
Zenitsu thought nothing of it. It was the middle of autumn and the weather was starting to get colder and colder each day, so he probably just caught a bit of a cold. It was normal, and he always did catch colds easily before he started training with Gramps. It was just a little cough here and there so it’s no big deal. It’ll go away soon enough.
(Zenitsu can’t help but feel a sense of foreboding every time he coughed.)
But then coughs got more and more frequent, and there was a strange feeling of heaviness growing inside his chest. Tanjirou started to get worried, telling him to see a doctor before it got worse and even Inosuke (INOSUKE!!) started to worry--or, well, he stole less food from Zenitsu’s portions during meals which Zenitsu interprets as worry.
“You should really go get it checked, Zenitsu,” Tanjirou said as he put on his checkered haori.
“I will,” Zenitsu said absentmindedly, waving Tanjirou’s words off. “Don’t worry about me, just don’t die out there,”
Tanjirou sent a look to Zenitsu as he hiked Nezuko’s box up on his back. “I’m serious, Zenitsu.”
“I know--” Zenitsu coughed, hand flying up to cover his mouth.
The cough wracked Zenitsu’s body this time, making him bend over as he coughed wetly, and god this was painful. Were coughs supposed to be this painful? Zenitsu doesn’t know anymore. He should've listened to Tanjirou and got it checked sooner but now he was going to die over a cough. A COUGH! He survived as a demon slayer for this long and the thing that was going to take him out is his own mortality. He closed his eyes as the coughs get worse and worse, and that strange feeling of heaviness in his chest seemed to move with his lungs. Distantly, he felt something rubbing his back and whispering reassurances to him.
Something scratched at the back of his throat, making Zenitsu gag. Zenitsu felt something come up his throat, and the cough stopped.
His eyes widened.
“Zenitsu, are you okay?” Tanjirou asked, worryworryworry echoing in between his words. His hand moved up and down Zenitsu’s back, making his cheeks warm. Something came up from his throat just now. He was NOT okay.
“Yea,” Zenitsu lied, a hand clamped over his mouth. “I’m fine, I’ll go see a doctor right now, immediately,”
Zenitsu ran out of the room, ignoring Tanjirou’s worried call. What was that? WHAT WAS THAT? Zenitsu pulled his hand away from his mouth as he speed-walked in the direction of Shinobu’s office. Something came up from inside his chest. There was something in his mouth that came from his chest. THERE WAS SOMETHING IN HIS MOUTH. THERE WAS SOMETHING IN HIS MOUTH!!!! THAT CAME FROM HIS CHEST!! ZENITSU WAS GOING TO DIE!!
“MGHPSDHJ,” Zenitsu shouted through his closed mouth as he burst into Shinobu’s office. He’s too scared to open his mouth.
Shinobu looked up from the papers she was reading, her usual dainty smile forming on her face.
“Zenitsu-kun, is something the matter?” she asked.
“MPHFSPMHGSKPMSH,”
“If you don’t use words, I won’t be able to understand you,” she said patiently, turning around in her chair to face him.
Zenitsu coughed one more time and spat out the contents of his mouth to the floor.
He and Shinobu both stared at the floor, where three saliva-coated pink petals laid on the floor.
“Oh my,” Shinobu said airily.
That was the last thing Zenitsu heard before he blacked out.
“Am I gonna die?”
“You’re not going to die, Zenitsu-kun,” Shinobu said absentmindedly, not looking up from her clipboard. “Now, how long has the cough been going on?”
“I’m not sure,” Zenitsu replied, laying back down tiredly onto the infirmary bed. Blacking out sure is tiring. “Maybe a week or two ago? Maybe even a month…” Zenitsu trailed off uncertainly. It really was impossible to pinpoint when he started coughing regularly because it was just a normal cough. Who would even take notice of something as small as that?
“Well,” Shinobu looked up from the clipboard, smile plastered on her face. Her sound--usually irregular and conflicting--was tinted with curiousityworryinterest, which, come on. That’s really worrying for Zenitsu. He was going to die, and Shinobu was going to treat him as a test subject or something? God he should have never let Gramps take him in if this was where his life was leading to. “Any other changes that you’ve noticed these past few weeks?"
“Ah…” Zenisu blinked. Unconsciously, his hand came up to rub at his chest. “There’s this weird feeling in my lungs that’s been getting worse…”
Shinobu blinked. “Could you elaborate?”
“It feels like… Like there’s something inside my chest?” Zenitsu put a hand under his chin, tilting his head. “Or more like… it’s like there’s something growing, maybe?”
Shinobu’s sound changed beats, recognitionfearworry in its timbre. Zenitsu turned to look at her, eyes wide but Shinobu didn’t show any reaction at all. Not even a twitch of her eyebrows betrayed her thoughts. She sat there, a smile on her face and looking as otherworldly dainty as ever.
“I see,” she said simply. Zenitsu gaped. I see? I SEE?? That was ALL she had to say????
“I’m going to die, aren’t I?” Zenitsu asked dreadfully. Shinobu smiled brightly at him.
“You might,” she sings.
“That’s so cruel!” Zenitsu shouts, shooting up to sit on the bed. “At least deny it! Comfort me, Shinobu-san!! Come on, I don’t want to die! Hey!! TELL ME I’M GOING TO BE FINE, PLEASE!”
“I don’t know…” Shinobu sighed, tilting her head. “It’s a symptom I’ve never come across before so I can’t tell you for sure…”
Tears blur Zenitsu’s vision. “SHINOBU-SAAAAAANNNN!” he sobs.
“There, there, Zenitsu-kun,” Shinobu pats his shoulder. “No worries! Other than your cough and the flower petals you threw up, there seems to be nothing wrong for now. I’ll be monitoring you for the next few days and researching the symptoms to diagnose you,”
“O-Okay…” Zenitsu sniffed. He was going to be fine. He was going to be fine.
(The worryconcernfear in Shinobu’s sound tells him otherwise.)
“For now, you have an extended leave from duty so rest well,” Shinobu said as she stood up from the stool. “Aoi-san will take care of you in the meantime,”
“Okay,” Zenitsu muttered. Shinobu smiled down to him and patted his shoulder.
“You’ll be fine, Zenitsu-kun,” she said. Zenitsu’s throat tightened as he nodded weakly. He watched as Shinobu left the room with an airy goodbye, waving as she closed the door behind her. Zenitsu sighed and bowed his head to cover his ears.
(The echoes of panicworrypanic stayed in the room even after Shinobu left.)
((Ah, he really wished he wasn’t born with this curse gift. Maybe then he would’ve bought into Shinobu’s lies.))
The cough slowly got worse over the course of the two weeks he was put on leave. Each round of coughs sapped all his energy dry, and each breath he took after was painful and laboured. The heaviness that he felt in the centre of his chest continued to grow larger and larger. His throat felt scratchy and parched all day long. Within the span of a few days, the number of petals he threw up with each round of coughs grew. It started with three, then the next time he threw up six, and the next time there were eight, and so on and so forth. He even started to throw up whole pink hydrangea flowers. Honestly, if he started to vomit out whole bunches of hydrangeas, his throat might actually be permanently ruined. He couldn't keep his food down, there was a permanent pain in his chest, and overall? He just wasn't really feeling his best.
All things considered, he wasn’t very surprised when Shinobu told him that he was dying.
“I’m sorry, Zenitsu-kun,”
Zenitsu didn’t understand why Shinobu was sorry, really. It wasn’t like it was her fault to begin with. It’s not like it’s anyone’s fault but his own.
(Zenitsu wanted to cry. He wanted to cry so bad but for some reason, the tears won’t come.)
“Please don’t apologize, Shinobu-san. It’s not your fault,”
Shinobu stared at him, lips turned down into a frown. Zenitsu couldn’t even muster the strength to enjoy Shinobu’s beauty and how the frown set on her lips made her look fierce. Zenitsu looked away from Shinobu down to his hands that was folded up in his lap, clenching the white infirmary blankets.
“I’m fine,” he said.
(Lieslieslies, his own sound echoes back.)
“Zenitsu-kun, it’s not incurable,” Shinobu started kindly and while Zenitsu appreciated the effort, he couldn’t even begin to handle the kind of roundabout discussion that was about to follow that statement.
“You’ve just never heard of any survivors, right?” Shinobu pursed her lips at that, to which Zenitsu laughed. “Isn’t that the same thing then?”
“I’m sorry,” Shinobu apologized again and she really needed to stop that because now Zenitsu wanted to cry all over again.
(It’s weird. He’s always crying when he thinks that he’ll die but now when he’s told that he’s actually going to die, the tears aren’t coming.)
((Zenitsu just feels wonderfully empty.))
“It’s okay,” Zenitsu breathed. (Lieslieslies) “It’s not your fault I’m in love with someone that doesn’t love me back,” Because of course. Of all the things that could possibly kill him in his line of work--seriously, he fought demons for a living!--it was the fact that he was in love with Tanjirou that was going to end up killing him. His luck was just that bad.
Shinobu stares at him before she closes her eyes and bowed her head as if she was praying. “I’ll leave you alone now. I’ll come to check on you after dinner,”
When the door closed behind her, all Zenitsu could do was to fall back into the bed and stare at the ceiling.
He was going to die soon.
He was dying.
Zenitsu laughed.
(Despairsorrowfear filled the sounds in between his gasping laughs and wracking coughs.)
Two days after Shinobu informed him that he was a dead man walking, Tanjirou and Inosuke comes back from their separate missions. Zenitsu could hear Tanjirou and Inosuke arriving at the Butterfly Estate before they even stepped onto the grounds because he--for the life of him-- could never ignore the roaring cacophony of sounds that made Inosuke, nor would he ever block out the soft strums that was Tanjirou. And if he was going to be honest, having those two sounds back with his sense's reach was calming. It made him feel a little bit less alone than he did for the past two weeks. So the moment he registered those two conflicting sounds, Zenitsu pulled himself out of his misery and dragged himself to the front door to welcome his friends back.
“Welcome ba--AACK!!” Inosuke bowled Zenitsu over, pushing him down to the floor and straddling Zenitsu’s hips. His boar mask was off of his head for once, and honestly, Zenitsu will never get over how pretty Inosuke looks.
“Inosuke, what are you doing?!” Zenitsu heard Tanjirou shout from somewhere behind them.
“Yeah, what are you doing to a sick person, you idiot!” Zenitsu shouted, pushing at Inosuke’s shoulder futilely (damn this idiot’s muscle mass!).
“Something feels wrong with you,” Inosuke said, face stiff. Zenitsu freezes.
“What are you talking about? I’m fine,” Zenitsu said, looking away.
“Inosuke, get off of Zenitsu!” Tanjirou said as he walked over to the two of them. “You could have hurt him!”
Inosuke stared down at Zenitsu silently and god, Zenitsu didn’t like the stillness in Inosuke’s sound. Inosuke was the roaring sounds of the wild--the sounds of the jungle even at his quietest. But this stillness was like… like an omen. Zenitsu doesn’t like that, he doesn’t like that AT ALL.
“Just--get off, you wild boar,” Zenitsu pushed Inosuke up and this time, Inosuke let himself be pushed away. “I shouldn’t have even bothered coming to greet you, god,”
Inosuke scoffed. “I’m going to go find food,” he declared, marching towards the kitchen.
“You’ll ruin your appetite for dinner!” Tanjirou scolded which went ignored by the feral boy. Zenitsu honestly doesn’t know why Tanjirou still tries.
“Welcome back,” Zenitsu said to Tanjirou. Tanjirou looked down to Zenitsu and smiled softly. Zenitsu feels his chest warm, and for god’s sake he loves that smile so much.
“I’m back,” Tanjirou held out a hand to him. Zenitsu smiled and grasped Tanjirou’s hand to pull himself up. Tanjirou furrowed his eyebrows when Zenitsu straightened up next to him. “Hm?” Tanjirou frowned and sniffed Zenitsu’s hair, making Zenitsu flinch at their proximity. That REALLY wasn’t good for his heart!
“Hey I already took a bath, don’t tell me I stink!” Zenitsu joked, pushing Tanjirou’s face away. His fingers feel warm from where they come in contact with Tanjirou’s skin.
“Ah, no, it’s just weird,” Tanjirou said apologetically.
“What’s weird?” Zenitsu asked as they began walking towards the infirmary--a routine check-up before Tanjirou would have to file an official report.
“Well, it’s the middle of autumn… but you smell like flowers, Zenitsu,” Tanjirou laughed. “Did you spray on one of the girls’ perfumes or something?”
Zenitsu stopped and stared at Tanjirou. “I… smell like flowers?”
That’s right, Zenitsu thought. This guy’s nose was really good, wasn’t it? Of course, he would be able to smell the flowers taking root in his lungs. Of course. But Tanjirou can’t know. Tanjirou would blame himself, and then Tanjirou’s sound (blue summer skies and the soft strums of a koto--sounds that almost constantly whispered kindnesskindnesskindness) would be ruined. Zenitsu didn’t want to be the one to ruin that. He wanted to keep listening to Tanjirou’s beautiful sound. He can’t let Tanjirou find out.
He can’t let Tanjirou know.
Tanjirou stopped and turned to Zenitsu, blinking curiously. Worryworryconcern starts to cloud over Tanjirou’s sound. “Ah… yea. Is... Is something the matter, Zenitsu?”
Zenitsu blinks twice before smiling brightly at Tanjirou reassuringly. “Nothing, it’s nothing,”
(Zenitsu wonders if Tanjirou can smell Zenitsu’s lie as clearly as Zenitsu can hear the liesliessadness that echoed in between his own voice.)