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The memories flooded Optimus’ processor in a torrent. Optimus’ protoform stiffened, and he glared at Megatron in loathing. He stumbled back and skittered across the desert sands putting as much distance as he could between himself and the warlord. Optimus lost his footing on the sandy gravel and crashed to his back struts. Still, he continued to scramble backward with optics wide and vents screaming from trying to draw in air to cool his internals. His armor clattered and shivered against his protoform in abhorrence. He rolled to his chassis and violently purged the low grade energon in his tank just fueled not hours ago from Decepticons’ sources. He dragged his form weakly away from Megatron leaving a trail of sand and gravel mixed with sticky, viscous purged energon in his wake.
“How dare you…what have you done…why?” Optimus whimpered pain radiating from his protoform, processor and spark. He curled around himself and groaned as he remembered.
Megatron poisoning the heart of Cybertron with dark energon. Orion under Megatronus’ body, valve stretched wide and pounded by the warlord’s spike. Legs wrapped tight around the narrow waist struts of the warlord. Fingers clawing down Megatronus’ back struts lifting the paint to the primer as he overloaded. His valve clamping and rippling around Megatronus’ spike. The gush of hot transfluids into his valve and gestation chamber. The groans of pleasure from Megatronus.
Decepticons butchering the civilians and blowing up the buildings on Cybertron under the auspices of Megatron. Orion on his knee joints laving Megatronus’ spike with his glossa and feeling the scorching burst of transfluids across his faceplates, neck struts and chassis as the gladiator gave up his pleasure. Optimus’ fingers deep in his own valve frantically stroking that exquisitely sensitive raised node as he overloaded swallowing the copious amounts of transfluids spurting from the gladiator.
Arcee’s unending screams as she cradled the murdered Tailgate. Bumblebee trying to comfort Arcee as she violently shuddered and wailed to the skies above them. Orion screaming in pleasure against a berth room wall as Megatronus pounded his aft port. The pleasure so intense it was bordering on pain. His aft port cables and lining clenching down on Megatronus’s spike…pleading and sobbing to the gladiator for more. Megatronus lifting Orion off of his peds totally impaling him with each vicious thrust sending Orion jostling and sliding against the wall coming to rest on the struts of the gladiator’s pelvis. Orion’s optics shuttered and helm thrown back against the shoulder struts of Megatronus in awful surrender.
Bumblebee motionless on a berth staring at the ceiling as Ratchet explained to the sweet, talkative scout that he was rendered mute because Megatron shot out his voice coder with a plasma cannon in revenge for sending the All Spark into space rather than hand it over to Megatron. Orion and Megatronus spark bonding. Orion’s back struts arched up to hungrily meet the gladiator’s spark with his own. Sobs of completion, love and attainment ran through is entire being. Peace.
Optimus shook his helm, scratched at his faceplates and screamed in suffering as the memories converged and overwhelmed him. He could not hide in Lethe’s embrace. It was all laid bare upon his spark. Megatron reached for his bond mate. Optimus unsheathed his sword cleaving Megatron’s hand off at the gesture. Megatron scrambled back away from his mate with optics mirroring disbelief and pain.
“Do not touch me…you …monster…abomination” Optimus violently whispered as he fell back into the open Ground Bridge of the retreating Autobots.
Optimus Prime came through the Ground Bridge screaming and pulling his armor off of his chassis causing great tears into the protoform. Energon spurt in great gouts across his protoform and the floor. He clawed at his spark chamber trying to rip the very source of life out of his being. He drew his sword to cut the offending spark from his body totally unaware that the other Autobots were watching in confusion and horror.
Ratchet tackled the Prime. Prime fought Ratchet with his entire being. He screamed all manner of obscenities at the medic and tried to rend the medic limb from limb. When Ratchet pinned him, Optimus Prime begged Ratchet to let him die. Ratchet managed to inject a powerful sedative into a major energon line in the Prime’s neck cables. The Prime fell into welcome oblivion.
Optimus woke some time later in the medbay. He was cuffed to the berth. Horror, anger, violation and revulsion with himself overcame Optimus. He sobbed and clicked. Ratchet came to him. Ratchet was the only one of the Autobots who had come to the correct conclusion as to the Prime’s extreme reaction to his restored memories.
“I want him out of me, Ratchet. Initiate protocols to sever the bond.” Optimus sobbed knowing Ratchet knew Optimus willingly spark bonded with that debased perversion of a warlord.
“Optimus, those protocols…were designed to separate a spontaneous bond formed during a forced merging…it could kill you…”
“I gave myself completely over to Megatron, Ratchet…I loved him…I will not live with that defiled abomination as part of me…initiate the protocols or I will offline myself at the earliest convenience…you cannot keep me confined forever…”Optimus clicked in Cybertronian giving his words a depth of meaning that could never be translated in English.
Ratchet understood the desperation and revulsion in Optimus’ spark at the realization of the choice made in misunderstanding and amnesia.
Ratchet nodded, “I can give you pain relief or put you into stasis…”
“No! I want to be aware during the entire process. I want the pain, the agony, the suffering. I want the affliction. I want this to be a protoform and spark deep memory that will never leave me as long as I am online and beyond when I return to the Well…I will never forget again.” Optimus said between gritted dentals.
Ratchet just nodded again and prepared an energon drip line to insert into Optimus venous ports. Optimus would purge anything in his tanks when the process started. He added more binding bands to Optimus’ frame to prevent him tearing himself from the berth as the convulsions from the process of severing the spark bond. He opened Optimus spark chamber to insert the code to sever the bond when he noticed a tiny golden spark nestled within the Prime’s. The spark looked to be a few weeks old…not even old enough for the carrier to know he was with child.
“Optimus, you are with spark…”
“Then it will return to the Well of the All Spark where we may meet again one day.” Optimus said with pain in optics and grief in his voice.
Ratchet only nodded again. There were no words to be offered to comfort the Prime or alleviate the suffering. “Purging a sparkling will make the pain worse…”
“As it should…I will despise that depraved anathema for all time for what he took from me…for the lies…the evil…”Optimus growled as he looked to the wall to avoid Ratchet’s optics.
Ratchet inserted the code to begin severing the bond. Ratchet had spent the worst days of his very long life in the Autobot base on Earth. He had to send the other Autobots away with the children not to witness that broken horror taking place within the Prime.
Optimus suffered for three days as his spark fought the programming to keep the bond and the sparkling. He never cried for forgiveness or for relief from the suffering. Optimus Prime opened the spark bond between Megatron and himself to the maximum and embraced the torment of the protocols.
Optimus shrieked until his voice coder fritzed out. He continued to howl mutely with an occasional grinding of gears or a ripping of vocal cables to give voice to the torture. Coolant and cleanser ran from his optics, still his optics burned and wavered white hot from the anguish. He convulsed as both his waste tank and gestational chamber purged their contents. He dry heaved until his fuel tanks ruptured from the repeated trauma. His processor crashed again and again from the protocols burning through his protoform and spark. Optimus severed major lines in his wrist joints and ankle joints struggling against the cuffs. His spark pulsed erratically and gave off bolts of energy as the sparkling purged and the bond severed. Gears in his shoulder struts and hip struts stripped as paroxysms wracked his frame as his spark fragmented from the sparkling and the bond. His ventilation system overheated and locked up at its efforts to cool the internal system of the Prime. Optimus’ spark was near transparent and pulsing erratically when it was over. He fell into emergency stasis lock. Ratchet stabilized the Prime although it took many weeks for the wounds to the Prime’s spark and protoform to heal and for the Prime to emerge from stasis lock.
Optimus Prime survived and never spoke a word to any other bot or person about those days nor the reason that precipitated his choice. No other would ever know of the revulsion and failure the Prime carried within or the gleaming silver scars marring his dark blue spark from the purge and bond break. The others only knew of his unwavering resolve to defend Cybertron and Earth…and the deep seated hatred of Megatron that knew no limits.