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I stood in the cold room. Never had I felt this empty. Never had I felt this alone. There was a lone window, the small rays of sunshine peeking in from the lowering sun. These days all I thought about was him . His perfect hair and rare smiles. His sarcastic quips and brilliant mind. Everywhere I look I see him . I sighed and hugged myself, wishing I could go back in time to the days he was still here with me; alas, the world is cruel. I approached the one window and looked out among the rolling grass hills, admiring the soon to be setting sun.
“Mmm.” A voice rumbled from behind me. I jumped and flicked my head around only to see the man I had once known so well. “Spectacular view I must admit.”
I stood shocked, unable to move. This had happened before. Of course I had dreamt of him. However, this time it felt so real. How I wished it was real…
“Come now love, you really thought I was dead?” He remarked in disbelief. “Oh yee of little faith!”
I shook my head slowly, stepping backwards until my back was flat against the windowsill. Sherlock shook his head and took a step towards me.
“You -you can’t be real.” I whispered to myself. “He’s - you’re dead.”
Sherlock sighed and approached me steadily, not taking his eyes off of mine for even a second.
“Please understand that it was not my choice to leave you. I had to. It was for th-”
“Stop. Just stop.” I begged, wildly scanning the room for another door, one that was not located behind the ghost of a man I had once loved with all my heart.
“I am here. I am right here.” Sherlock spoke softly, taking another step towards me.
I let out a shuddering breath before abruptly turning back to the window. It’s just another dream. It will go away soon. They always do. After a couple moments of hearing nothing, my shoulders gradually relaxed, a sigh leaving me at the unfairness of it all. Suddenly I felt a puff of air roll down my back. My whole body stiffened and I froze.
“I am real.” A low voice purred.
My whole body began to shake. I’m starting to lose it, I thought sadly. So this is what it has come to. I finally found the one who was perfect for me, and he left me alone. So now I will forever be in a downward spiral dreaming of the things I will never have again. All of a sudden a warm hand gripped my waist. I gasped loudly, my hallucinations could never touch me! I dared not turn around. I had no idea what this was, or who this was, but it couldn’t be Sherlock. It couldn’t be him. It just couldn- could it?
“I am right here.” The familiar voice murmured into my ear, effectively sending shivers throughout my body. I took the leap and leaned back, fully expecting to fall on the ground. What surprised me was that I leaned against something. Someone. My breath caught as my eyes began to mist over. The body behind me let out a content sigh and wrapped the other arm around my midsection; I was being held. I have not been held since, well since that tragic day many years ago. I looked up at the man, tears rolling down my cheeks as I saw those captivating eyes that had first caught my attention way back when.
“Don’t cry love.” Sherlock uttered tenderly, lifting a hand from my waist to gently wipe away my tears. He stared at me all the while, fingers tracing the soft slope of my chin before coming back to trace my lips. Unconsciously I licked them, and witnessed what that little action had the power to reduce the man to. His pupils dilated just a tad and his eyes flickered to my lips. I turned around fully in his arms, our heavy breaths mingling as we took each other in. I was not really sure if I believed that he was real yet, but whatever this was, I decided to chase the feeling.
“Have you not been sleeping?” The question made me blink. How could he have-? Oh, right. It’s Sherlock Holmes.
“That’s a question for another time.” I said in finality. There is no way that I was letting go of this man any time soon. He nodded slowly in concern before lifting his hand to gently grip my neck, steering my head even closer to his. We leaned on each other, foreheads resting on the other, just breathing. After a couple of seconds I shifted, nuzzling his nose until he got the hint and tilted his head, meeting me in a tender kiss. His lips were as soft as I remembered, tasting of tea and a hint of mint. I threaded my hands through his brown, curly locks. He gripped my hip with one hand, as the other supported my face. We moved until I was pinned between the hardness of his chest and the wall behind me. Never had I felt so safe, so alive, so home .
Sherlock moved his arms to above my head, entrapping me in a cocoon of love. Ever so slowly he began to move, placing kisses lower and lower until he was peppering my neck leisurely. I moaned in pleasure, this was a dream. It had to be. Just ten minutes ago I was feeling like there was really nothing else to live for, and now… Now my Love had come back to me. I really was overwhelmed with everything. Maybe it showed because as I was thinking this, Sherlock pulled away.
“Wha-?” I began in a stupor. “Why did you stop?”
He looked at me with those penetrating eyes and I averted my gaze. Deep down I knew why he left me, of course if he left me it had to be for a reason that ultimately was for the greater good. Yet… Yet I did not want to accept it. Ever since that painful night I shoved that memory in the deepest and darkest pit imaginable. I was in denial. It was clear as day but I never addressed it. For the fact was that it was much easier to blame the dead than accepting that they are no longer with you. Sherlock lowered his head, trying to get me to look at him. I wouldn’t, couldn’t really. He gently nudged my chin with his hand, tilting me up so I had nowhere else to look but his face; and what I saw there made my heart drop. His eyes showed the longing, sadness, guilt, but most of all, the pain. Tears freely fell down my face, I was surprised to see a single tear roll down his face as well. What a right mess we are, I thought ruefully.
“I am sorry.” He whispered, wholly regretful.
My body shook with muffled sobs as I threw my arms around him, burying my head into his shoulder. There we stood, arms around each other as the sun slowly but surely began to set, light slowly leaving the surrounding spaces of the room. There was time for passion, and believe me that would come later. But now, now was a time for healing. He was back, and he was all mine. Now and forever. There was no way I was ever letting him go again, that was certain. I still had to know something. Though all I really needed to know was if was okay, I wanted to know this.
“Why though?” I asked in a slight whisper. “Why, after all this time, have you come back?” He looked at me while the question seemed to bring back troubling memories. I felt his body shiver and I hugged him a little bit tighter.
“They were threatening to kill you.” He croaked with a haunted look in his eyes. “So I needed to fake my death and then go after them. If they had killed you I would not have been able to live with myself. I would have been in the same position you have been for the past two years except it would have been forever… ”
I stood as still as a pole. I felt guilty. I knew that he must have left me for a good reason, but still, he left me to protect me? As if sensing my unease, Sherlock squeezed me before whispering into my ear, “None of this is your doing love.”
I nodded into his chest. There was still a sliver of self-doubt, but in this moment, Sherlock was back. He was in my arms for goodness sakes! We had a lot to catch up on and I planned to do so starting right now...