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Shane can’t stop smiling. His cheeks are starting to hurt from the stretch, but it’s simply impossible.
Today is Kate's birthday and TJ had for the first time since the birth of their son planned to take his wife out to dinner. Ryan had offered to watch the baby and TJ had happily accepted. Shane had come home yesterday to find Ryan bustling around the kitchen, putting away all kinds of household appliances. To the question of how the baby would be able to reach cutlery or the spice rack, Shane had only received a blank look.
Now one day later, Ryan is sitting on the floor reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to the six month old in his lap. They look so comfortable and soft together, that Shane doesn’t know what to do with himself.
Silas is staring with wide wondrous eyes and a fist in his mouth at the colorful pictures in front of him, while Ryan reads the simple words with careful pronunciation that remind Shane of his early Unsolved voice. He wonders if Ryan does it on purpose or if he's not even aware of doing it and can't decide which is funnier.
“Hap, hap,” Ryan says, setting the book down and pretending to bite into Silas’ free hand. The baby squeals in delight and instead of pulling away, he offers his other hand too. He's drooled all over his fingers, but Ryan doesn’t hesitate to take them in his anyway. Shane takes a picture of Ryan’s pearly white teeth snapping at tiny fingers and sends it to TJ, no caption.
Ryan sets Silas down on the blanket next to him and curls a hand around his back, even though he was perfectly fine sitting up on his own. “Apropos of The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” Ryan says, finally looking up at Shane, “what’s for dinner?”
Shane can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness that is his husband and his talent to make every conversation about either food or murder. Ryan grins helplessly and the baby “Gah!”s loudly, enjoying the sound of his own voice.
“I’ll go get us some Pizza,” Shane says, voice fond. He gets to his feet, groaning as he stretches.
“My hero!” Ryan declares with a grateful smile, and turns back to fix Silas with a glare. "And we'll check if you want something to eat too, okay?" Shane watches them stare each other down for a moment, then Ryan says, "Okay. Where is the baby?” he coos, covering his face with his hands and Silas blinks interested, one tiny fist returned to his mouth.
“Guh!” he offers, bouncing slightly on his plushed up bottom.
“There he is!” Ryan says, revealing his face and the baby starts to laugh, reaching out with both hands for Ryan’s smiling face. And Ryan joins in the laughter, tapping the baby on the nose and offering his pinky finger to grab, which Silas does. And suddenly the world seems to slow down, as Ryan looks up at Shane, his face open and delighted and smile wide. And Shane realizes with a start that he’s near tears with the amount of love he feels for his husband in this very moment.
He swallows with difficulty and watches the blinding delight on Ryan’s face dim just a fraction in worry. “You okay?” Ryan asks, as the baby babbles a string of incoherent syllables.
“Yeah,” Shane croaks, blinking away the wetness at the corners of his eyes. “I just thought that I love you very much. Have I told you that?”
The frown on Ryan’s face vanishes, eyes turning soft as the smile returns to his lips. “Maybe not in as many words, but the gist was there anyway.” Shane hums thoughtfully and walks over to sit down in front of Ryan. He leans in, pressing a lingering kiss to Ryan's lips, before he pulls back and waits for Ryan’s eyes to open and focus on his.
“I love you,” Shane says fiercely, closing his hands around Ryan’s fingers. “I love you so much and if we weren’t already married I’d ask you to marry me right now.” Ryan’s breath hitches and he pulls Shane into an urgent kiss, one hand pushed into his unruly hair.
“I love you, too,” Ryan says between kisses and they lose themselves in the slide of tongues against each other for a moment.
“Gah!” coos the baby behind Ryan, loud and attention seeking, laughing at the sound of his own voice. Shane breaks the kiss then with a last brush of lips and a smile. “I think he wants something,” he says, gaze sweeping to the baby attempting to knock one of the books out of the way.
“Oh, I want something all right,” Ryan says solemnly. It comes out deep and husky and vaguely threatening and it sends a shiver up Shane’s spine.
“When- when did TJ say they’ll be back?” Shane asks desperately, his hand fisted in Ryan’s shirt front pulling him close, their lips not quite touching.
“Midnight,” Ryan says with an air of apology and steals the groan of disappointment from Shane’s lips.
Silas "Gah!"s again and finally wins their attention over. Shane stands up on weak knees, holding his hand out to help Ryan to his feet too. “I’ll get the Pizza, okay?” Ryan hums, presses one last kiss to Shane’s mouth and turns to stop Silas from knocking his toys over. He deposits the baby on his hip and holds him there savely with one arm.
“I’ll give the little one here a quick bath and a bottle and then-” his voice turns high and squeaky not unlike his Mickey Mouse impression, “-we’ll see if you can take a nap until your parents get back.” Ryan tickles him with two fingers and Silas laughs easily, his little eyes wide with apparent joy and full of trust.
Shane pauses once more. Ryan looks stupidly handsome standing there with the baby in his arms. His hair is unkempt and sticking up at different angles, while his clothes are rumpled from a day spent scooting across the floor and of course his fucking arms curled around Silas’s back—
Shane positively flees out the door as Ryan looks up at him again. He might not have the best moral compass, but he thinks that getting it on in front of your friends child would be frowned upon. God, Ryan will be so smug when Shane returns…
.
“Honey, I’m home!” Shane calls, as he enters the front door forty minutes later, Pizza in hand. The pet names had started as a joke after the wedding, but now Shane used them because he liked the little fond head shake he received whenever he did. His husband was nowhere to be seen though.
Ryan isn’t in the living room though, or the kitchen. Shane sets the Pizza on the counter and makes his way to the bedroom. Sure enough Ryan is kneeling on the floor in front of the little travel crib TJ and Kate had provided, watching Silas.
“Is he asleep?”
Ryan looks up. “Yes.”
Shane nods and walks over to sit down next to his husband. “Has he eaten?”
Ryan chuckles lightly, “Oh yeah. He had a bottle of formula and half of the mashed potatoes and carrots Kate brought. And then I could have bathed him all over again.” He shook his head with a frown and Shane wheezed softly. “A washcloth was enough though luckily.”
Shane hums. “Well you learned something for next time at least. First the food, then the bath.” Ryan opens his mouth for a reply, but the baby snuffles in his sleep and both men look back at him. Silas’ eyebrows are knitted together and his tiny hands are opening and closing, grabbing for air. Ryan sits up on his knees to dangle his arm over the top of the travel crib and touches Silas lightly, rubbing gentle circles on his belly.
The frown eases and his breathing evens out.
Shane watches Ryan in the dim light of the hallway as he pulls his hand away, hesitant and so very quiet.
“Hey,” Shane whispers and Ryan finally looks up at him. “Come ‘ere”
Ryan goes to sit back down, and Shane pulls him into his side with an arm around his shoulders. They sit like that in silence for a while just existing in each others space.
“I want one.” Ryan says quietly, and Shane feels his heart jump into his throat.
They had talked about children of course; if you plan to get married the topic of children inevitable comes up. And while Shane wanted to spent some time with his husband alone and didn’t feel ready to take on this massive responsibility, Ryan had agreed to wait for the same reasons. Now, they had been married for two years, two very good years and they both weren’t getting any younger. Maybe they truly were ready for this next big step.
And watching Ryan with the baby today had sparked a longing in his heart so deep he hadn’t known existed.
Shane pulls him closer against his side and presses his nose into Ryan’s unruly hair, still faintly smelling of the shampoo he’d used this morning. “You know,” he begins carefully, “we could apply for adoption. If you want.”
Ryan goes very still under his touch, then he slowly pulls out of the embrace to look at him with wide eyes. “What are you saying?” he asks cautiously, and Shane feels like he’d never been more certain of anything in his life, except maybe marrying Ryan in the first place.
“I’m saying, I think we’re ready for the next big step.” Shane could already picture it perfectly and he just knew that Ryan would become the fun dad and Shane would have to be the responsible parent, but he realized that he really couldn’t care less.
Ryan still hasn’t said anything and now Shane’s getting worried he’s somehow overstepped a line with his admission, but then Ryan’s face splits into a blinding grin and his eyes shine with unshed tears. “I love you so much,” he says and his voice shakes. Shane makes a pained noise in the back of his throat and pulls Ryan in a crushing hug. There's so much to consider, so much to be done, but they could do that later.
After all, Ryan was very good at research.