Chapter Text
“Ashamed! How are ashamed. My God, I go here already 4 years. Why every time the same thing? Maybe leave? Fool! You act like a child. I'm a child anyways! Me 19! So what? Pull yourself together! So why be shy? You know Ben for 4 years. He is like a father. Why then can I not talk about this with my father? You were 12 when you told your father that you like a boy from your class. Why can't you talk to your father about this when you're 19? Because I need to talk about this with Ben. Because he is a doctor. And anyways ashamed! How do even to talk about it? God, Timothée, you are coward!”
Tim sat, hugging his knees and hiding his head in knees, on examination couch in the examining room of the medical clinic. The clinic, which he has visiting for 4 years. The last time he was here was exactly half a year ago. Half a year ago, he also sat on the couch, hugging himself and tormenting himself with the same question.
He asked himself the questions: “To ask - not to ask” when been knocked on the door and entered. Tim didn’t see, or rather he didn’t look who it is. What for? It was his doctor. Doctor Ben.
- Timothée, is everything all right?
- You are not my doctor! - Tim answered, without raising his head.
- Yours.
- No! You are not a doctor.
- If you come out of your cocoon and look, you will see that I’m a doctor.
“God, what a voice?”
- Are you an anesthesiologist?
- No. Why are you asking?
Tim shrugged. Tim didn't look at the man who owned this charming voice.
- Tim. May I call you Tim? Fa... Doctor Benedict said he called you by that name.
- Where is he and who are you?
- Three months ago, he left the practice, I’m his successor.
- Why don't I know that?
- We reported it all our patients about the change of doctor.
- I know nothing.
- Tim, you look at me?
- Is it necessary?
- Tim, you're, actually, at doctor's appointment. I have to examination you.
- Exactly, you should look, not me.
Silence.
“Why silence? He left? No. I didn’t hear him leave. Aah, sat in the armchair. Why is silent? What is he doing?”
Tim lifted his head slightly so that he could see what was going on in the room.
“Fuck!”
- There's installed hidden cameras somewhere here?
- No.
- This is a prank. Who decided to prank me?
- You are pranking yourself, acting like a child. Little spoiled child!
- Don't dare say so! - shouted Tim and straightened his back.
Apparently this exactly what the doctor wanted. Tim sat on the couch with his back straight and looking straight at his new doctor.
- Now, hello! - the doctor smiled.
- Where the cameras, where to smile and to wave hand?
- Tim, I repeat. Here are not any cameras. This is not a prank. I'm your new doctor.
- Well yes! You're a doctor - snorted Tim.
- Show certificate and credential a doctor.
- Susan, call Susan!
- OK.
The doctor came out. Tim jumped off the couch.
"Doctor. Yeah, right! Found a fool. Sure, I believed in that. Two-meter blue-eyed blond with a charming voice. Doctor."
- Timmy, is something wrong? - Susan and the doctor entered the office.
- Susan, is he really a doctor? - Tim nodded toward the doctor.
- Really - said Susan with a smile.
- He's mine?
- I'm yours.
Tim swallowed. The two-meter blue-eyed blond with charming voice his.
- Thank you, Susan. Sorry.
- It's alright - Susan smiled - I will go to the reception. If anything - She winked at Timmy.
Susan went out, leaving Tim alone with HIM doctor.
- Sorry - Tim almost whispered, looking at the floor.
- Knock, knock, Timothée, is everything all right? Hi, I'm your new doctor. Doctor Hammer - The doctor extended his hand to Tim.
- Hi, doctor Hammer - Tim also extended his hand for a handshake - Everything's not okay.
- Why?
- Because everything turned out very stupid.
- Why?
- Because I behaved like a child.
- You are a child.
- Gee, thanks, man.
- You're welcome - doctor Hammer smiled.
Tim smiled too. They smiled at each other, still holding each other's hands. Apparently none of them wanted to interrupt this handshake.
- My doctor Hammer, and what is your name?
- Armand.
- Wow! Armand Hammer! Cool.
- Uh-huh. Timothée Chalamet.
They smiled at each other again, still holding hands.
They stood so for a while until doctor Hammer became serious.
- I think it's time to start the physical examination?
- What?
- You did come here for regular examination - the doctor said and pulled his hand out of Tim’s hand.
- Sorry - Tim upset.
- For what? - The doctor sat on the armchair next to the table.
- I don’t know - Tim shrugged.
He sat down again on the couch and bent his legs, wrapping his hands around them and putting his chin on them.
- Firstly - doctor Hammer drive up on the armchair to the couch, took Tim by the ankles and began to lower his legs - We take them off from here, they are dirty. Secondly - he put his hands on Tim's lap - Relax.
- Tell me how. You are a doctor. Doctor Armand.
- Armie.
- Armie. Beautifully.
- Thank you, Timmy.
They were silent again and looked at each other.
Tim was the first to break their eye contact.
- I’ll probably go - He pointed in the direction of the door.
Armie raised his eyebrows.
- I wasted all your time.
Tim jumped off the couch and felt as two hands, two strong hands, grabbed him by the waist.
Tim stood between the couch and doctor Hammer who sitting on the armchair. Doctor Hammer held him tightly by the waist and was apparently not going to let go.
- Tim. You are my only one.
- What?
- I don't have anyone else. Today you are the last patient.
- Aah.
Again this silence.
“God, I'll go crazy!”
- Let's start?
Tim shrugged.
- You hold me.
- Yes.
- What for?
- Not what for, but why.
- Why?
- You jumped off the couch so fast that you almost fell on me.
- May be. But now I'm firmly on my feet.
- Yes. You're right - Armie put his hands away and drove away from Tim.
- Should I undress?
- What for?
- Not what for, but why.
- Why?
- For examination.
- Shouldn't.
Now they didn’t look at each other. Tim stares at the floor, Armie in the medical records.
- And so, you were here half a year ago.
- Yes.
- Noticed any changes during this time?
- No.
Armie looked at Tim. Tim looking anywhere, but not at the doctor.
- Tim?
- What?
- Look at me.
Tim met his gaze.
- Good. I have to measure you to take your size.
Tim shrugged again. As if he didn't care. As if he doesn't care that “this doctor” will touch him now.
Armie got up and walked over to Tim. Tim lifted his head and looked into his doctor's eyes. He tried to look.
- Gulliver in the land Lilliputians.
Armie grunted.
- Gulliver?
- God, Armie.
- Spread your arms to the side.
Tim did. Armie took a tape-measure and began to measure the girth of his chest.
- Uh-huh - Armie sat on a armchair and lowered a tape-measure to Tim's waist.
- Uh-huh. Now hips.
He began to measure hips girth.
- Shouldn't I take off my pants?
- Hm - Armie looked up and looked at Tim.
- Pants. Off - Tim paused and seems flushed.
- No. Slight error is allowed.
- OK.
- Well - Armie drove away in a armchair to the table and began to write down the size of Tim in medical record.
Silently. There was silence in the room. There was the creaking of the pen. And the ticking of the wall clock. Passed whole eternity.
- Ok - “plop!” - Armie closed a pen the pen cap.
- Come here - Armie beckoned to - Take off your sneakers.
Tim frown.
- I need to measure your height and weight - Armie nodded toward the scales and height rods.
- Uh-huh - that's all that Armie repeats, measuring Tim's height and weight.
Tim has been standing on the scales when Armie turned sharply and sat down in the armchair. Silently, without saying anything. Again the silence and the creaking of the pen and the ticking of the wall clock.
- Can I sit down? - Tim pointed to the couch.
Why did he do it, Armie anyway sitting his back turned to him.
- Yes of course.
Tim sat down.
Silence, creak, ticking.
- Damn, Armie, don’t be silent!
- This is my job. You must speak.
- Speak?
- Uh-huh. Speak and ask.
- Ask?
- Uh-huh.
- Shut up!
- So, should I shut up or speak?
- If you tell "Uh-huh" again, I'll hit you.
Armie narrowed his eyes.
- Uh-huh.
- I'm leaving - Tim jump down with the couch and headed for the door.
Tim felt like two strong hands again grabbed his waist.
- Not going to let me go?
- No - Armie replied, standing behind him.
- Why?
- You didn't ask what you wanted to ask.
- And am I wanted?
- Wanted to.
- How are my sizes? changed?
- You yourself know the answer.
- I know.
- You didn't want to ask this, did you?
- You'll let me go?
- Do you want?
The silence, the ticking of the wall clock.
- Do you not run away if I let you go?
Tim closed his eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled, and nodded his head.
- Good. You promised - Armie removed his hands.
Tim sighed. He lacked the doctor's strong grip on his waist.
- Tim!
- Doctor Ben said my sizes are up to standard for my height - Tim turned to face Armie.
- Yes. You need add weight little bit. But since your body is still growing, I think this problem will be solved by itself.
- Good. And what other standards should be for my height? - Tim took his gaze away.
The silence, the ticking of the wall clock.
- This size does not depend on your height.
Tim looked into Armie's eyes, at Armie's groin and quickly (lightning speed) returned his gaze to his face.
- Uh-huh - Armie smiled.
- I don't believe you - Tim sharply turned around.
- You promised you wouldn't run away.
- I don’t believe you.
- Do you think he is small or big?
- To think so, you need to have comparisons.
- Did not try to google?
Tim turned and looked at Armie with big eyes.
- How do you imagine it?
- Turn on the computer. In the search bar you type your question...
- Moron!
- Baby boy, take it easy!
- Forgive.
- No offense.
- I live with my parents. Me 19.
Armie raised his eyebrows.
- They pay for the Internet. How I explain it?
Armie take his phone from the table, unlocks and give to Tim.
Now Tim raised his eyebrows.
- I live alone. I'm 29. I pay my bills myself. I have nobody to and no need to explain it.
- Moron - Tim taking the phone.
- I already understood. Need a pen and a piece of paper? - Armie stretches pen and notebook for Tim.
Tim looks at him with annoyance.
- Well yes. You are young, your memory is good.
- Give it here - Tim snatches a pen and notebook.
Tim turn around, put notebook and phone on the couch.
Silence, the creaking of a pen and the ticking of a wall clock.
- Do you need help?
- With what?
- With a search - Armie comes near Timmy very close - With measurements.
- Mo… - Tim turns around and rests his nose against Armie’s chest.
- ron - Armie finished for him.
- Damn, you're really huge.
- Uh-huh.
Tim slaps him on chest.
- Painfully!
- I warned.
Armie walked away from Timmy and sat again in the armchair.
- Tim, why are you interested in this question? - Armie paused - Someone displeased?
Tim straightened up and turns away from Armie.
- Tim!?
- I'll go - but Tim was standing there, with his head bowed.
- Tim, did I say something wrong?
Tim was silent.
- Tim! - Armie went up to Tim and patted him on the shoulder.
- I'll go - Tim headed for the door not look at Armie.
- Wait! - Armie grabbed his arm - Sorry!
- I'll go, let me go - Tim yanked his hand, trying to break free of Armie's grip.
Armie let go of his hand.
- Sorry. It's none of my business. I shouldn't have.
Tim went to the door, but stopped.
- No one is displeased. there is no one to be displeased.
Tim went out and closed the door behind him. He even not looked at Armie.
---
Armie stood in the middle of his office, looking at the door.
Silence, the ticking of the wall clock and mad beating of heart.