Chapter Text
thursday’s are minseok’s day off. on days like these, he tries his best not to hover or seem like he’s trying to look like he’s doing something but it always seems to catch on after the first few odd minutes of his restlessness. it was difficult at first, getting used to the feeling of living in a new house with this… for the most part, stranger. minseok had even begged his boss to give him something to do on thursday’s, said that he wasn’t doing anything anyway. and obviously, that’s not legal so minseok is stuck. as he is with several things in his life.
including his marriage.
from all the horror stories minseok had heard before about the arrangement company, his is one of the few lucky ones. the company was very strategic about their pairing up methods and it was on an ungodly sunday in june when he found out he had been paired up with someone. most people didn’t agree to move in right away, but minseok had because he was struggling. his apartment was the size of a shoebox and the rent was too high that he had to go hungry some weeks just to ensure his rent.
his husband/partner/roommate was a (more than) well off mechanic who lived out of the city. when minseok had explained his situation over the phone, hinting at needing somewhere to live, he had said, emotionless and low, “might as well move in with me.” that was a few months ago. maybe six or seven. minseok is… happy for the most part. it took a while to get used to how quiet it was out in the country and not having a neighbor for miles made him a bit anxious.
his husband/partner/roommate was two years older than him. twenty eight to minseok’s twenty six. they had skipped out on the extravagant wedding and just bought some 925 silver rings and called it a wedding day. minseok wears it everyday in hopes that maybe, maybe they’ll warm up to each other. it’s a fat chance seeing as it’s been nearly half a year and they barely speak to each other.
minseok wanders out of his office sometime after four in the afternoon and goes into the backyard. he had a barn where he did most of his mechanic work. from what minseok had seen chanyeol was fairly good, could fix up a car in just a few weeks and find anything wrong with one. minseok curls his arms around himself from the cold and jogs to the barn. he clears his throat, catching his husband’s attention. “should wear a sweater.” chanyeol, was his name, said even though he was still inside the car turning the key in the ignition. “don’t want you sick.”
“i’ll just be a minute.” minseok says. it’s always tight when they talk. it feels like pulling teeth. “i’m making dinner. are you allergic to anything?” and you’d think that something like this would be known, but no.
chanyeol grabs a rag and wipes his hands, which are red and blue from the cold. “no. i’m fine with whatever you make.”
minseok nods, once, “you shouldn’t be out here so much. your hands will go numb.”
“ah.” chanyeol looks down at them. minseok feels a bit bad, seeing as he has to do this kind of work while minseok just sits inside and enters data all day. “it’s fine. have the fireplace on, yeah?”
“okay.” minseok quickly hurries inside before he gets frostbite.
chanyeol comes inside earlier during wintertime. he huffs and rubs his hands together to bring feeling back into them and stands near the fireplace while he has full body shivers. minseok cooks what he can, rice and beans with fried chicken breast. chanyeol’s on his way out of the shower when minseok miscalculates and drops a piece too high up and gets oil on his wrist. a yelp and he quickly turns away from the stove, curling in on himself.
“shit.” chanyeol comes over to where he is and grabs his wrist. there’s a small blister forming already. “i’ll finish the food. go sit and don’t touch it.”
“i’m sorry.” minseok says, suddenly feeling incompetent. chanyeol looks shocked that he even says that, so he just squeezes his shoulder awkwardly and says that it’s fine, he’ll handle it.
the blister burns while they eat, while chanyeol rubs some weird minty thing on it and wraps it in gauze before they go to bed and after minseok’s showered. he feels emotional like maybe he could roll over and cry for a few hours. it’s nothing to cry about, the burn or this odd thing that’s now his life. chanyeol isn’t bad. he’s nice, but he’s not a husband. minseok isn’t one either, feels like maybe sometimes he should act differently but doesn’t want to give chanyeol the wrong idea.
“thank you.” minseok says instead, reaches to where his arm is, grabs until he finds his hand. chanyeol’s everything dwarfs minseok, so he squeezes his hand once, twice before letting go. the air is awkward suddenly, but chanyeol shuts the lights off and whispers at minseok to sleep.
when minseok first moved in, it had been too much and not enough at the same time. chanyeol was oddly quiet but he could get loud if he really wanted to. he was a vigorous worker and hated just lying around in bed. minseok was afraid the first few weeks that chanyeol would be angry with him for how he liked things done. within the second week of minseok’s time there, he had a completely rearranged chanyeol’s clothes in his dresser and closet. it was overstepping a line, minseok knew, but chanyeol had just looked at it and thanked him.
there were times where minseok felt like chanyeol was just settling, like maybe he was tired of living alone in this big house and asked minseok to move in with him just because the company said they were to be married. they don’t talk about it. there’s many things they don’t talk about. family, friends, past relationships, school life. minseok wants to try one day to crack chanyeol’s hard shell, but it’s difficult when everything around you is so quiet and still.
christmas is creeping up on them and minseok feels the looming conversation of where they are to spend it their first year. he knew very little about chanyeol’s family, didn’t have any pictures of any parents in his/their home. it’s two weeks before when minseok asks. the heater had broken from the cold at night and he was wrapped in a blanket on their couch. “so. christmas.” he says as a way of starting the conversation. chanyeol is hooking up the portable heaters in their room and living room. “we could go to both of our parents’ places, if you’d like.”
he doesn’t reply for a few beats before he sits down next to minseok. no blanket and his hands are blue from the cold. “chanyeol…” minseok doesn’t mean to sound like he’s scolding him, so he reaches from under the blanket and brings his hands into his. whatever possessed him to do such a thing is unknown. chanyeol’s hands are now the only thing under the blanket with minseok. he rubs his hands, tries to get them warm. “they’ll ache when you get older. i’ll have to learn about cars and do all the work you do.”
“christmas.” chanyeol says, avoiding the obvious. “we can go to yours.”
“what about yours?”
chanyeol laughs, scoffs almost, and shakes his head, scooting closer so he’s pressed against him on the couch. his hands are warming up but he’s still shivering slightly. minseok pulls the blanket over him, whispers at him to scoot in closer. this is fine, this is friendly. “my parents live far away, and they’re busy on christmas.”
“do they work?” minseok knows that chanyeol doesn’t like talking about this sort of thing, knows that he doesn’t like talking about much of anything, but he nods. “what do they do?”
“my dad’s a lawyer and my mom’s a surgeon.” so yeah, he was loaded. of course he was. the son of a lawyer and a surgeon had to be loaded. trust fund baby. “they’re busy all the time.”
“oh.” minseok sounds, looks away to the fireplace. “okay. i’ll… call my mom soon and tell her.”
chanyeol doesn’t say anything after for a while, just sits and rubs his hands against minseok’s and holds them, laces their fingers together. minseok wishes he liked him, wishes he felt some funny feeling in his stomach when chanyeol did things like this — which was once every blue moon. he thinks he could like him. one day maybe. “your mouth is purple.” he says suddenly. minseok subconsciously curls his lips into his mouth and finds them numb from the cold. “the room is warmer than out here.” which means, let’s go.
they’re close that night just to keep warm. minseok presses his face against chanyeol’s chest and tries to lull himself to sleep, but the knowledge of being this close keeps him awake and alert. chanyeol huffs, presses his cold nose into minseok’s hair. “thank you.”
minseok frowns, “for what?”
“worrying about me.” chanyeol holds him a little tighter, squeezes him in his arms. “no one’s cared that much for me before.”
“i’m your husband. it’s what we’re supposed to do.” minseok tells himself it’s what chanyeol wants to hear, but he goes silent after. he falls asleep, surprisingly.
in the morning, near afternoon actually, minseok wakes up alone with four or five blankets draped and tucked in around him. it’s warm in the room and his cheeks are hot. the heater was fixed. bless chanyeol. minseok gets up and grabs one of chanyeol’s hoodies that’s thrown over the small sofa in their bedroom. it swallows him from how narrow his shoulders are compared to the older. chanyeol must be outside working, so minseok retreats to his office to get work done himself.
christmas creeps up on them rather quickly. he manages to buy chanyeol something without him finding out.
his parents act normal when they get there. minseok tries not to hover too much when his father takes chanyeol into the kitchen. they get along well. a year ago, minseok was a lot sadder than he was now. money was tight and he felt lonely— he’s not completely content but it’s better now. there’s chanyeol and their big house out in the country. maybe sometime soon they’ll warm up to each other, talk more.
dinner is civilized, safe for the few comments his father throws in every now and then about married life, and how the company never gets it wrong . there’d been a time, in the beginning of their relationship, that minseok thought that he was the exception.
there’s mainly presents for his nieces and nephews than there is for he and chanyeol but they receive a few things.
minseok hadn’t decided to drink that night since he knew he would have to drive in case chanyeol did want to, which he did. his father had odd ways of pressuring people into drinking with him.
the house is quiet when they get back. just like how the car ride to there and back was, quiet. “i got you something.” minseok announces when chanyeol’s fresh out of the shower. he stumbles a bit but manages to sit down on the edge of their bed. he mumbles something along the lines of you didn’t have to . minseok searches for the small box under their bed and then hands it to him.
it’d been a bit costly, honestly. but minseok wanted to get somewhere with him, wanted this odd egg-shells relationship to move forward. “it’s a balm. for your hands.” minseok says when he opens the lid of it. “coconut and aloe vera and a bunch of other hydrating herbs.”
“thank you.” chanyeol nods, smiles at him. he looks choked up for a second but he grabs the thin second box and hums. “minseok, really, you didn’t have to get me anything.”
“i wanted to.” it’s my love language , he wants to say. chanyeol opens the velvet case and blinks. it’s not gold nor is it encrusted with fine diamonds, but it’s something minseok thinks will suit him. it’s a true silver chain bracelet. “i had the jeweler carve your initials into the clasp.”
and he’s really choked up now, because he’s just nodding and swallowing and trying to smile but his bottom lip quivers. minseok wants to ask if it’s too much, if he hates it, but he just takes the bracelet from his hands and clasps it on his left wrist. it fits nicely and doesn’t slip, which minseok is thankful for. chanyeol stares down at the bracelet for another beat before sniffling and moving the hair from his face. he’s misty eyed. “thank you. really. i feel terrible that i didn’t even—”
“it’s okay. you helped me when i needed someone the most.”
chanyeol moves closer and hugs him. minseok melts into it, feels the pressure in his chest alleviate after all this time.
minseok thinks, looking back, that this is the closest thing he can think of that even comes relative to a turning point.
they spend the new year together. minseok doesn’t work and chanyeol tries not to but he’s gravitated towards the barn in the afternoon. minseok plans to drink tonight, numb this odd feeling in his stomach.
since christmas, they’ve been sleeping closer together, but it doesn’t go beyond being a few inches closer. no kissing or hand holding or anything like that. there’s also this weird crush he thinks he’s developing. he always feels nervous when chanyeol comes around or sits a bit closer or doesn’t change in the bathroom after a shower and instead does it in their bedroom.
chanyeol comes back inside in the late afternoon, near eight or so. he looks like he’s been dragged through mud twice. “what happened to you?” minseok asks from the couch.
“got carried away. wanted to finish before the year was over, but…” chanyeol shrugs. “i’ll be out in a minute.”
while he showers, minseok scrambles to make himself busy and not drink too much to the point it makes him sick. he’d laid off of it since he and chanyeol had gotten paired up but it was a special occasion so he was allowed a few beers.
chanyeol shakes his head when minseok offers him one. on the couch, minseok can smell the soap and minty shampoo he uses. “we’re not staying up till the new year, right?”
“i don’t think we’ll last that long.” minseok says softly. “i tend to talk a lot when i’m drunk. just a fair warning.”
“your face get all pink, too?” chanyeol smiles and a dimple curves into his cheek. minseok hadn’t noticed that. he almost wants to reach out and poke it.
they last till around eleven and then minseok is really drunk. so drunk that chanyeol has to help him to their bedroom. “happy new year.” minseok says to him. with alcohol consumption comes no filter whatsoever, so minseok grabs at chanyeol’s wrist when he lays him down on their bed. it’s not the new year yet, but minseok still says, “have you ever had a new year’s kiss?”
“not really.” chanyeol’s face flushes red, but minseok can’t tell if it’s from the heater or embarrassment. “you?”
“no.”
the air is awkward suddenly, so minseok lets go of his wrist and tugs the comforter over his face to sleep. he turns the lights out and slides into bed next to minseok, who’s already half asleep thanks to the alcohol swimming in his bloodstream.
so much for progress.
+
new year’s day, minseok almost brings up what they talked about the night before, but decides that it’s better to leave it untouched and label it as a drunken conversation. on his part, at least. he wakes up with a headache in the morning, his eyes sensitive to any sort of light. chanyeol brings him painkillers and closes the blinds in their bedroom so it’s easier for him to get up and go shower.
he sleeps all day, only wakes up when chanyeol comes to give him food. his hands are clean which means he hasn’t been working on anything all day. minseok feels bad for being such a nuisance.
it’s late when he goes into the kitchen to find chanyeol cleaning the disaster from the night before. there’s at least twelve or thirteen beer bottles in the trash. “i don’t normally drink that much.”
chanyeol laughs softly.
“you didn’t work today?”
he says no.
“why not?”
“just wanted to make sure you were okay.” he says, looks down at the dish he’s drying. “i didn’t want you getting sick or anything.”
minseok is fucked. capital f fucked. “thank you. for taking care of me.”
“i’m your husband, aren’t i?” chanyeol uses his own words against him. “it’s what i’m supposed to do.”
there’s a difference between having to do something and wanting to do it. he realizes now that maybe he’s said something wrong before about how he’s supposed to do something just because he has to. minseok can smell his passive aggressive tone from where he’s standing. “yeol.”
“i’m almost done here. head to bed, if you want.”
is this their first argument? it feels like it. minseok takes a few steps closer to him, sees how he doesn’t move an inch. “when i said it’s what we’re supposed to do… care for each other, i mean, it’s not because i have to. i want to.”
“yeah.” chanyeol says, like he’s dismissing him and shuts the water off.
“i want to be a good husband to you.” minseok blurts out. “i want to be able to talk to you and not walk on eggshells all the time. we don’t even…”
chanyeol waits, “we don’t even what?”
“we don’t talk. about anything. about your parents or your past relationships. we don’t talk at all.”
“you act like you can so much as get a sentence out when i’m around. i scare you, don’t i? i notice shit. ever since you moved in. you walk around like i’m going to yell or something.” chanyeol hisses. “you only ever get the courage to touch me when you’re drunk because i scare you when you’re clear headed and sober.”
minseok frowns, “no. that’s not…” he pauses, takes a deep breath. “at first, yes. i hadn’t been with anyone in over two years when we met. i’m new to this.”
chanyeol moves to walk away but minseok steps in his way.
“you have to try, too. if you want to be happy. you have to try, too.” minseok says. “even if it’s not with me you want to be with.”
“you have no idea what i want.” chanyeol clips, pushes past him and heads toward their bedroom.
minseok’s ears start to ring and his head aches from the argument.
he gives chanyeol space and sleeps in the guest room that night.